Justin's POV:
"Justin! Where the hell have you been? I was worried to death. I nearly called the cops! No one knew where you were! Neither Scooter, nor Kenny, Selena and Christian, nor any of the other crew members. " My mum stormed towards me as I entered the hotel suite. She grabbed me by the arms digging her nails into them, but not enough to hurt me.
"I was out." I muttered looking at the ground. – "You were out – you were…? That's not good enough! You were gone the entire night! You have no clue what so ever how terribly scared I was that something might have happened to you!" She gave me an immensely disappointed look. – "I'm sorry – I… I really am sorry." I couldn't get myself to look up at her again. The facial expression and the emotion behind her words were killing me deep down inside, it was tearing my soul into little pieces. I never wanted this, but I had chosen the 'easy' way out last night, although the easy way didn't turn out to be quite so delightful after all.
After my petty excuse I quickly ducked into my room and locked the door behind me. "Justin? Justin? Open this door! We're not done with this conversation young man!" My mother yelled through the door. I didn't answer. I couldn't. I felt tears running down my cheeks, but that couldn't be – or could it? I had sworn myself never to cry again, back when I was a young boy. Back when my father had left. I had promised myself I'd be strong for myself and for my mother. Was I really that affected by what had happened last night? By what had happened in recent days? Or even the car accident and Ryan falling into a coma, a good friend and companion on all my journeys? Was it the boy, the beautiful boy, whose eyes seemed to look deep into my soul – like he knew who I really was – like we were meant to be? Was it the pressure I was put under to meet societies expectations by dating Selena? My mother's disappointment in me, that I had misused her trust and broken her faith in me? I had royally fucked up last night. My cover had -almost- been blown. Everything I had built up for myself these last few years – other people had built up for me – it was on the brink of collapsing. My cover, my mask, I had so carefully built around myself, had begun to crumble. I gave in to the temptation, but was it just that? I had gotten into a dark, sinister place, how was I ever going to get out of this again?
About half an hour later I heard my Mum knocking on the door. "Honey, are you alright? I'm sorry for blowing up at you like that." Her tone had changed, she was now back to her old self - or so it seemed, maybe it was only an act she had put on and secretly she was still mad. – "Mum, I- I'm fine, okay? But you were right to go off at me like that – I deserved it. I deserved all of it." I answered in between sobs. – "Justin, are you sure you're okay? Did something happen last night?" She sounded very worried. God, I was making her worry again.
I wanted everything to go back to normal – or did I? Normal? What was my normal life worth if it didn't make me happy? – "No, nothing happened, I just lost track of time. Mum, please, I just need a moment alone. We- We'll talk later okay?" I had taken the easy way out again, I was buying myself some time, but in my mind I knew this whole situation was a bomb ready to blow – not just any bomb, but a nuclear bomb and the countdown had been activated by none other than me.
"Okay, cutie, but if you need anything, you know I'm right here. I'm always right here. I'm always going to be there for you, sweetie. I hope you know that."
I got up and climbed onto my bed. Just seconds later my phone buzzed. It was a text from – guess who? – Selena. The last thing I needed.
S: 'Justin, please don't forget our date tonight. I'll be sitting in the back at 'The Velvet Lagoon'. I'm expecting you to be there at 8 o'clock.'
I plugged my iPhone into the room's sound system and turned on some relaxing music. I set my alarm so I had enough time to get ready – enough time in 'Bieber'-terms is 2 hours. It took only a couple minutes for me to fall into a deep dreamless sleep and I was thankful for it. I didn't want to be haunted by images from my past or possible future.
Of course the alarm rang way too soon, but I had enough self-control to roll myself off my bed and walk into the bathroom. I showered in the dark – something I liked to do when I was sleepy. I then continued to get ready and after I was fully clothed – a black 'American Apparel' hoodie, white v-neck t-shirt, blue skinny jeans and basketball shoes: my favourite purple supras. – I was never one for formal wear. I snuck out of my room trying to make the least amount of noise possible. I found my Mum passed out on the sofa with a light blanket around her. I took a small piece of paper and wrote her a note, so she'd know what my plans for tonight were.
It didn't take long to get to the restaurant by car. Selena was waiting for me in a booth at the back – a waiter had greeted me like royalty and guided me to the table.
I sat down opposite her. She had a smug smile on her face. "What?" I asked annoyed by her arrogance already. How was I going to survive the next hour or two?
"I see you're in a good mood today." Her smile widened. "Don't push me." I growled. "Me? Never." She answered in a fake shocked tone. The waiter, who had guided me in, came to take our orders. The next hour was spent in sweet silence while we ate our meals. She, of course, decided to break the peace and quiet. "So how was your meal?" She asked with a kind smile on her face. "As if you cared." I scoffed at her. – "Okay – stop with the attitude. We've been over this a billion times. We HAVE to date for our careers sakes. We're in this together wether you like it or not. Can we at least be friends? Can we respect each other as human beings and be polite to each other? You've been nothing, but an ass ever since we met." She had a sincere look on her face and her words made me think. She might have similar problems to mine, she might hate this as much as me, yet in the end she had more to gain from this. Nevertheless I decided to play along. It might make these dates more bearable. "Okay, you've got a point. I shouldn't be mad at you, I should be mad at our managers. I guess we could also be friends. Also I- I'm sorry I have a LOT on my mind at the moment." I put on a great act. Sure she made some good points, but this was so much more than just a date. It was just a part of a huge spider-web of rules and regulations set up by societies worldwide, that I had been caught in, and I was slowly repelling against it. "Well so do I. Who doesn't?" She answered. – "Like I said – I'm sorry." She took my hand and I flinched. That was a step too far.
"Justin – you… don't like girls, do you?"