Continuation of the last chapter.
I Think I Want
Morgana
Alistair seems even more distracted than before; the demons have taken a toll on them all - this is the only time she's ever been glad of her apprenticeship, as it allowed her to resist their grasp - but he looks drawn even compared to the rest of them, and is hanging back.
She contemplates saying something to him, but she remembers him abruptly taking back his hand, and the hurt burns once again in the pit of her stomach.
Why? She still doesn't understand what she's done wrong. He's never protested to her touch before.
Their exit from the Peak is one of silence and no eye contact, the two of them avoiding each other and Levi unusually quiet; his history and his illusions have been lost, it seems, and it can't be easy for him, so she's surprised when he elects to stay there and set up a stall.
"If you're certain..." she says hesitantly.
He nods, explaining that is family's heritage is still here, after all, and explains his plan to move the rest of his family here.
She looks at him for a moment in silence, then gives a small nod. "I see. I think we should make sure our work here is done first."
After some deliberation, they make camp outside the Keep, next to Levi's stall, to keep watch for one last night; the silence between her and Alistair continues, Leliana watching them both with a raised eyebrow and murmuring something to Zevran; the assassin nods, and she thinks she sees him roll his eyes.
It's her turn to dish out an attempt at food, which, this time, is rabbit - a lucky find. She calls everyone to the pot, and, as she passes Alistair his, says quietly, "I think we need to talk."
He looks at her with a worried expression and says quickly, "It doesn't matter. I'm just... shaken, I guess." He gives a nervous half-laugh, looking at the dish and not her.
"Hmm," she replies sceptically, handing Morrigan a bowl and turning back to him. "You've never reacted like this before." She pauses, ladling herself a portion, and then meets his eye, bowl in her hand and a brow raised. He forgets that she has been Harrowed, grew up with the constant threat of demon possession looming over her, and has seen the aftermath of encounters like these in the past - she's surprised at how badly they affected him, that he allowed himself to become so distracted. "What did you see?" she asks, bluntly.
He seems taken aback at how straightforward the question is, eyes flickering to hers for a moment in surprise. "I saw..." He stops, looking down at the rabbit but making no move to eat it. "I don't know. Something that I..." He swallows. "That I think I want." He finally meets her eye, briefly; she sees just a glimpse of something almost, but not quite, unfamiliar in his expression, then he's staring at his boots again. "Look, just... leave it. It's not a big deal, and... Later."
She watches him, her expression worried.
He quietly exhales, breath misting in the air up here, eyes turning to the fire for a half-second. "Sorry. It was worse than expected, Soldier's Peak, and it just caught me."
She nods. "Sometimes I count myself lucky I didn't know the Wardens. It means I don't have to mourn them the way you do." She tentatively places her bowl aside, experimentally putting a hand on his shoulder and waiting for him to recoil as he did; he looks down at her hand, swallowing, then back to her, but allows it.
"I think I understand," he replies softly, his mind clearly elsewhere, then looks at her properly. "If it's not too personal... what did you see?"
She retakes her hand and picks up her dish. "I... I learned to block them out. In the Tower," she says, starting to eat her own portion of rabbit.
"Oh. Right. I'll just..." He gestures half-heartedly to his tent and starts to walk back to it- they're all eating in them, in this weather.
She watches him go, face heating in the cold weather.
She lied, of course, but she isn't about to tell him what she saw in the brief, blissful moments before she managed to fight the demon's whispers - what's currently walking away from her.