p style="text-align: center;" data-p-id="43a358072ae0efd8bc384675c369f8be"em-/embr /emShawn's POV/embr /em-/em/p
p data-p-id="9b99d9ad1deda67be4936951d778f0a2""Are you sure about this? It was a one time thing, Paul. It's never happening again. She doesn't even have to know it happened at all," I argued. I knew that was bullshit, but I really didn't want to do this./p
p data-p-id="161718616b3f3edb4ae305e67f8da723""If you keep this bottled up, it's going to eat away at you," Paul told me. "Just grow a pair and tell her."/p
p data-p-id="9d461d9ab5fa424bec5d42671cc9bb89"I took a deep breath in an attempt to settle my nerves. They were going haywire. I couldn't tell her, but I couldn't emnot/em tell her. Paul was right; it was already eating away at me./p
p data-p-id="a29c4d3a8380a71dd0354352a38b2a53"Kat knocked on the door, wanting to know if we were ready. I opened it, but as soon as I looked at her, I was petrified. I couldn't take all this pressure. This was going to crush her./p
p data-p-id="250b35810fa67971646e956be7c3da19"Kat, being Kat, was concerned for my well-being. She asked if I was okay, snapping me out of my trance./p
p data-p-id="147e39480e70f036e6412dbe1af06866""Uh, we need to talk," I declared./p
p data-p-id="13ac9eae7f57691e9b4d9c8dc2d6a336"Her brow furrowed as I let her step into the room. Why did worry look so much better on her than anyone else?/p
p data-p-id="4275f58ab59e547dfc84fa6f104cd38d"Paul cleared his throat and grabbed his bag. "I'll meet you guys in the car." He gave me a look as he left./p
p data-p-id="96b7f17a22c9becf2b6f89bcc7ae359d"I motioned for Kat to take a seat. She did so without ever letting her eyes leave mine. I had to look away to break her gaze. I stared at the floor, trying to decide how to start, as she only grew more nervous./p
p data-p-id="97d31dff882d11f9d7f4661a3ce6db32""Shawn, what's going on?" I could hear the anxiousness in her voice. She was sitting on the edge of her seat waiting for me to say something, anything. Her eyes held that pure innocence that had drawn me to her./p
p data-p-id="96daf2ea5db487c1a59a649b74dfdbc4"I couldn't do this. I could not do this. Staring into those eyes that held so much trust, I couldn't crush that hope she had./p
p data-p-id="fffe9e8d0447db93381c2d6b4bd1e8b0""I, uh," I scratched the back of my neck nervously. I was sweating bullets. "It's nothing. Something dumb. Don't worry about it."/p
p data-p-id="4c7218c05c1266ffe3c5933c2fb721a9"She was confused, and rightly so./p
p data-p-id="1cf37fca8ddd3e5efa204e06e31a73cb""I'm sorry I even got you all worked up. Paul's waiting, so we should probably go."/p
p data-p-id="7a8b79b8edf5b598c5be7ac6131a5806""...okay," she muttered, unsure. "You can tell me anything," she told me, standing./p
p data-p-id="64285aaf93ff241086f3ff8de043b233""Yeah. Yeah, I know. It wasn't important, I promise," I lied./p
p data-p-id="8a7ab20ec0ab3262ce329c7dcb399a4e"***/p
p data-p-id="50b963184729a54db9ea1d85a221e7bc"We stopped at a rest stop so Kat could use the bathroom. Paul and I switched places so I could drive for a while and give him a break. I drummed my fingers on the wheel as we waited./p
p data-p-id="aa512e714199333782a7b0f7f182e97f""She seems to be taking it well," Paul said, raising a brow at me./p
p data-p-id="b213622cb11401c33f7f34c4cdc5233c"His sentence jolted me out of the blissful avoidance I had been enjoying. I cleared my throat just as a lump started reforming there. "She's not taking it... because I didn't tell her."/p
p data-p-id="6cff822718d9eecd748aa729f860c72b""Shit, Shawn," he exclaimed, rubbing his eyes in exasperation. He had to be so done with me. I don't know what I would do without Paul. "Why didn't you tell her?"/p
p data-p-id="270f55371931ade5f742a16687115486"I sighed. "I... I don't know. She was looking up at me those big doe eyes and I... I just couldn't, y'know? What if she hates me after I tell her? I fucked up, Paul. I really fucked up this time."/p
p data-p-id="2294c0570bc429ea69417446f05466ab""I know, Shawn. Calm down. You have to tell her eventually. She's not going to hate you," he told me./p
p data-p-id="3138c724658cba9a0294b5db4bb92337""But-"/p
p data-p-id="3e9e5a396b359a7ce772975151173738"I was cut off by Kat climbing back into the car. I shut my mouth immediately and tried to focus my thoughts on something else./p
p data-p-id="344b2e2bd9ab8bf9c653789946b406e5""Hey guys," she chirped. Unfortunately she'd already seen my face. "What's up?"/p
p data-p-id="cd2c0fa4f9a447d8179ad036a15cbf77""Nothing," I assured her for probably the thousandth time that day./p
p data-p-id="d4cb80b929e630f01a94ff8a5adfb146"She settled in her seat, deflated. "...okay."/p
p data-p-id="ce630ce743d26ce0493351f7807d5bae"I hated seeing her like that. My heart sank even further into my stomach as I watched her face fall. I don't think I'd ever felt so much guilt in my life./p
p data-p-id="66f5bb4c16beb0dd21896047ccdb8d9d"***/p
p data-p-id="052632f75586fb00a6427090265d711e""Ugh, turn that crap off!" Paul complained as I tuned the radio./p
p data-p-id="265956fcc07404edd1f1f7033dc7fd28""What, it's country!"/p
p data-p-id="e3a231cd9b89c77d60f14174eb0e438f""It's terrible!"/p
p data-p-id="f5bd1ce08bd75a903c3fe44bdd11972e""It is not, shithead!"/p
p data-p-id="580487685ff6784e5902f046fe1bbe7f"Paul twisted around in his seat to look at Kat in the back. "What do you think of Shawn's music?" he asked./p
p data-p-id="4c89adecbd64eac3de8f0c0a483344a9""I... I think it's nice," she admitted shyly./p
p data-p-id="268580c5ab6ff4e98fa14efa85218164""See?!"/p
p data-p-id="27fe696bd1240096da27ee19c9eefc51"Paul groaned and fell back against his seat. "You're only saying that because he's your boy," he argued./p
p data-p-id="2693973b4fb5e03b85ef8021afb7bb27""I'm not her boy toy!" I joked. We all laughed our asses off./p
p data-p-id="0d32c6b217a0c546720b02ddb9f88b1c"It was nice to sit and talk with two of my best friends. It was also nice to ignore the elephant in the room. After all, that was my specialty: avoiding my problems. I tried to not even think about the burning regret sitting in my stomach./p
p data-p-id="721bb8d570ad786c3cef8e739b425c6d"It worked./p
p data-p-id="a5fdfd96a0d8d7d1e585f84d2de1901c"At least, until we had to stop to let Paul buy us snacks at some gas station in the middle of nowhere. Kat and I were left alone in the car, and my heart was pumping like crazy. She was going to ask, and if I was ever going to tell her, it'd be the perfect time. But I didn't want to. At all. Everything in my body, except the smart part of my brain that told me to tell her, was telling me to clam up and never speak to her again./p
p data-p-id="d48fd3c34139e49b2568389ba6c6948b"She entwined her hand in mine, which was sitting on the middle compartment. Before I could think, I freaked the fuck out and jerked my hand away./p
p data-p-id="8c753b44dd5e3c13b8eed8e39f2b87cf""Shawn, are you sure you're okay?" she asked. I internally punched myself; she'd asked that so many times today. "...You're scaring me."/p
p data-p-id="7a7676ff6a1689bb783ef10978c4138a"That was it. I had to tell her. I couldn't keep her upset like that. It hurt me to see the face she was making. I was being selfish by not telling her; she was going crazy worrying about me./p
p data-p-id="18599f83da852d45e69be48ca3a873c6""I fucked Sunny," I blurted out. I couldn't stop it, I couldn't sugarcoat it... she needed to know./p
p data-p-id="ef5c66e0e8742666be7c671d6cc7930b"God, did I regret saying it as soon as I saw her face. The face that was usually so bright and happy, crushed in a matter of seconds./p
p data-p-id="def84dc89a30dcb21188f7c029f0eb9a""...what?"/p
p data-p-id="5f97b0bd4f8ff544f828ac73627e7ecb"I sighed. "I slept with Sunny. The other night. It was a dumbass mistake and I shouldn't have fucking done it. I feel like shit about it," I rambled./p
p data-p-id="1d4a164615377b76bbc6cdf161f9a4dd""Why?" was all she asked./p
p data-p-id="0e548932b17063481cd2d8a36c46ac53""Because I'm a dick. I'm a fuck up." I ran a hand through my hair and tried to calm the urge to pound my face through the window. "It doesn't mean anything to me. I don't give a shit about Sunny." I turned to look her in the eye. "I don't care about people. I don't have relationships. But I care about you, Kat. I've never... I've never wanted to be with anyone else. I don't know what I'm doing." What was I saying? "I want to clean up my act, I do, I swear. I just... I fucked up, Kat."/p
p data-p-id="3de1b61dd49acd38011e2cbe0d476ffb"She hadn't said a word. She didn't need to. I needed to get all off that off my chest or I was never sleeping soundly again./p
p data-p-id="03d81e7e26351c5cddaf0119f8663e7e"Kat was a better listener than talker, that was for sure. She let me sit there and suffer as she searched for what to say./p
p data-p-id="6d69d315593951f17d78bfb645cc19ac""I..." she trailed off. I'd really hurt her with this. Why was I such a dumbass?/p
p data-p-id="880df8e15d8e2b56f9b2aa93fbbf65c1"Without another word, she unbuckled her seat belt and left the car, not even caring about leaving the door wide open. I slammed my head against the steering wheel as I watched her leave. I was an idiot. I didn't deserve her./p
p data-p-id="ad43006f377eb9c320858118d74a5347"I waited for what seemed like forever alone in the car with just my guilt to keep me company. I wanted to go after her, I swear I did, but I didn't think there was anything more I could say. If I said anything else, I was bound to just mess everything up again./p
p data-p-id="50888509afbaa4f08941a73579c2c6f2"Paul came back with food and drinks, as promised. He shut Kat's door before sitting beside me in the passenger seat./p
p data-p-id="8fcf9e5641363281b321ebf36028d757""Um, Kat called Stephanie to come pick her up. I tried, but... she's not taking it well," he explained./p
p data-p-id="27435837ed1869bd183ad7f23da7e7e2""I noticed," I replied. I looked at all the junk he bought and my stomach rolled. "I'm not hungry anymore."/p
p data-p-id="0c5a71622661d38ff693f0b49da236ba"***/p
p data-p-id="fa1ccc235d73cddb476ccf858bf0f747"em-/embr /emKat's POV /embr /em-/em/p
p data-p-id="7aafc2089f1a436ae018126c82edf57d"I waited on the sidewalk outside the gas station for Steph to pick me up. I'd stopped crying by then. I hated crying. Besides, I didn't want Steph to see me like that. I mean, it wasn't like she'd never seen it, but I was supposed to be the big sister. I was supposed to be strong. I had even tried to fix my mascara in the tiny bathroom, but it was no use. I looked like a pathetic mess./p
p data-p-id="ae37b6e55dcf13ea5796374143cbbfdf"I leapt up when my car pulled into the parking lot. My car looked so out of place next to the shabby little gas station out here in the middle of nowhere./p
p data-p-id="b41aac519926cfe5658479f564237122"I was so relieved to see Steph and have her drive me out of this place, until the car pulled up right next to me and I saw who was in the driver's seat. Shane./p
p data-p-id="e99eee2c38bfcc7dc29a54759b12c664"Shit./p
p data-p-id="5076b58bd80fd21ae70a186dac74d4ed"I got in the car with a huff. I felt betrayed by my own sister. "You told Shane?!" I shouted./p
p data-p-id="597e44fd82b1f9d6669734def63834ac""Damn right she told me. We're taking you home," Shane announced, pulling out of the lot. "Obviously you aren't ready to be part of the show."/p
p data-p-id="e9578a878bb4006770d1b6c48f8d4354""No way!" I argued. "Shane!"/p
p data-p-id="8b3d712413d82c434a325b7bd8cc4466""I can go knock him out, like I did to that girl that called you a nerd your sophomore year," he said, ignoring me. "Or, I could just tell Dad... and who knows what will happen then."/p
p data-p-id="059ce3bc449738de687cc2b08ed8df27"Shane had always been overprotective of Steph and I, ever since we were little girls. When Dad wasn't around, Shane was almost like a second dad to us at times. He'd beaten up plenty of kids to defend us. Maybe that was nice when we were younger, but I didn't need protected anymore./p
p data-p-id="ee9933cb5cd9ea261f0b074b280d9c27""No one is getting knocked out and no one is telling Dad! You are going to take me to the arena!"/p
p data-p-id="d0a24e9f9ac31272a88d65c51abbfa59""When Dad told me about you two, I just knew... I just emknew/em something was going to happen. I was just telling him the other day about how you'd be crawling back soon enough, heart broken-"/p
p data-p-id="d45fdb6838570ad613007003d85fccfc""Shut up! Stop the car. I want out," I told him. I unbuckled my seat belt./p
p data-p-id="05c55cc1946dc8a9a2f93979a34ad908""Sari, put your seat belt back on," he snapped. I groaned at the use of my old nickname./p
p data-p-id="171a9e83e59b5e3c56d6a8639fd258c8"I refused. "I'm getting out."/p
p data-p-id="36753993c7c55147d2e90a58d35e2073""Sarah Katherine McMahon I am not stopping until we get home so unless you want to roll out of a car going 70 miles per hour on the highway you will put your damn seat belt back on!" Shane yelled./p
p data-p-id="2fe710f4d45bb102360ddda853fdc0bf"Steph sat in the front seat without saying a word. I don't think I'd seen her that scared maybe ever. Shane and I hardly ever fought. Typically I was the one breaking up fights between my siblings. Steph had probably never seen me so angry. I'd never felt so angry./p
p data-p-id="49f47549dad1c926b614ee7e41702110"I buckled my seat belt again and sat back in my seat, crossing my arms. "You know, you're just like Dad."/p
p data-p-id="edb308d8c0a938cbeb731f7de3f85322""How's that?"/p
p data-p-id="4e5fc60e0ea331c09a0c8275ede48c8e""You both think you can just make me do whatever you want me to do, like I'm some kind of lap dog," I spat./p
p data-p-id="5b0fb4cff82a232c272a1d290deafea7""And all this time, I thought it was because we were looking out for your best interests. Thanks for enlightening me," he answered sarcastically./p
p data-p-id="019e4b67d361729afc4475811fc49736""I don't need you to look after me! I'm fine. Shawn and I are fine. Shawn-"/p
p data-p-id="4552f334b8d6e1a4fc7c68cfe62dde7d""Really? So then why did you call Steph to come pick you up, if you're all so 'fine'?" he questioned./p
p data-p-id="ef13d87c33e0c014aa9eb0214a3683ed"I snapped my mouth shut. There was no point in trying anymore, because I wasn't going to win. I felt more tears start running down my face, but this time they were hot, angry tears. I shoved my head in my hands to hide it from Shane. I didn't want him thinking he made me cry. I was so mad at the entire situation./p
p data-p-id="ed98955a440fad526c3c3cd388a8d0d6"We sat in silence all the way up until we pulled into our drive. It was a good thing we were already in Connecticut, because I'd like to see Shane try to get my ass on a plane that day./p
p data-p-id="5b11ded53bae756bbcac57d70776bb53"I stormed up to my room and slammed the door. I didn't want to talk to anyone and I didn't want to see anyone. I knew Mom must've been home, but I didn't want to talk to even her./p
p data-p-id="5fa595eabf4d9b3d1774d99e990560ff"I heard Shane and Steph come in. Shane slammed the front door, making me jump. I heard him loudly explaining to Mom what had happened. I figured Steph just went up and hid in her room. I felt a bit of guilt in my chest when I thought about Steph in there crying./p
p data-p-id="ab84ab9a708862f9699159e1869db111"I flopped onto my bed with a soft thud. I hadn't been there in ages, but everything was exactly how I'd left it. I was ready to stay up in my room until Shane was willing to listen to me. Which was probably about... never./p
p data-p-id="83bef9da231b73c1f8a15a9705b33bb4"I was frustrated with myself, because I felt like I was acting like a child, shutting myself in my room and all. But I couldn't help it; Shane was treating me that way./p
p data-p-id="b22bec8d622d360261e5ca2c31418ce5"And now I wasn't even going to be there for the live event later in the evening. Suddenly I remembered that Paul and Shawn were probably going to wait there for me. They didn't know what happened./p
p data-p-id="f6bb11ed14aa1651b2d76a9cd82b5389"I sighed at the thought of calling Shawn. I didn't want to cry again. I felt all cried out, like my tears were all used up./p
p data-p-id="593b86b3d8217f456169e173a020824c"I grabbed the landline in my room and decided to call Paul. I told him how I was forced to go home against my will, grounded for the rest of my life. He asked how I was doing, and I told him I didn't know how I was supposed to feel. He apologized, but I said he didn't need to. It wasn't his fault./p
p data-p-id="77110fc25142800ae8a1630814af5a56"I hung up the phone with Paul and fell back onto the bed. I just prayed that no one would tell Dad, because then I'd really be in for it. And so would Shawn. I may not have liked him at the moment, but I didn't want Shawn punished./p
p data-p-id="e08c88949bfa2cc5f646f19d7b4bff54"I sighed and settled into my old bed. Maybe if I just took a nap, I could escape all the thoughts swimming around in my head./p
p data-p-id="9b99d9ad1deda67be4936951d778f0a2""Are you sure about this? It was a one time thing, Paul. It's never happening again. She doesn't even have to know it happened at all," I argued. I knew that was bullshit, but I really didn't want to do this./p
p data-p-id="161718616b3f3edb4ae305e67f8da723""If you keep this bottled up, it's going to eat away at you," Paul told me. "Just grow a pair and tell her."/p
p data-p-id="9d461d9ab5fa424bec5d42671cc9bb89"I took a deep breath in an attempt to settle my nerves. They were going haywire. I couldn't tell her, but I couldn't emnot/em tell her. Paul was right; it was already eating away at me./p
p data-p-id="a29c4d3a8380a71dd0354352a38b2a53"Kat knocked on the door, wanting to know if we were ready. I opened it, but as soon as I looked at her, I was petrified. I couldn't take all this pressure. This was going to crush her./p
p data-p-id="250b35810fa67971646e956be7c3da19"Kat, being Kat, was concerned for my well-being. She asked if I was okay, snapping me out of my trance./p
p data-p-id="147e39480e70f036e6412dbe1af06866""Uh, we need to talk," I declared./p
p data-p-id="13ac9eae7f57691e9b4d9c8dc2d6a336"Her brow furrowed as I let her step into the room. Why did worry look so much better on her than anyone else?/p
p data-p-id="4275f58ab59e547dfc84fa6f104cd38d"Paul cleared his throat and grabbed his bag. "I'll meet you guys in the car." He gave me a look as he left./p
p data-p-id="96b7f17a22c9becf2b6f89bcc7ae359d"I motioned for Kat to take a seat. She did so without ever letting her eyes leave mine. I had to look away to break her gaze. I stared at the floor, trying to decide how to start, as she only grew more nervous./p
p data-p-id="97d31dff882d11f9d7f4661a3ce6db32""Shawn, what's going on?" I could hear the anxiousness in her voice. She was sitting on the edge of her seat waiting for me to say something, anything. Her eyes held that pure innocence that had drawn me to her./p
p data-p-id="96daf2ea5db487c1a59a649b74dfdbc4"I couldn't do this. I could not do this. Staring into those eyes that held so much trust, I couldn't crush that hope she had./p
p data-p-id="fffe9e8d0447db93381c2d6b4bd1e8b0""I, uh," I scratched the back of my neck nervously. I was sweating bullets. "It's nothing. Something dumb. Don't worry about it."/p
p data-p-id="4c7218c05c1266ffe3c5933c2fb721a9"She was confused, and rightly so./p
p data-p-id="1cf37fca8ddd3e5efa204e06e31a73cb""I'm sorry I even got you all worked up. Paul's waiting, so we should probably go."/p
p data-p-id="7a8b79b8edf5b598c5be7ac6131a5806""...okay," she muttered, unsure. "You can tell me anything," she told me, standing./p
p data-p-id="64285aaf93ff241086f3ff8de043b233""Yeah. Yeah, I know. It wasn't important, I promise," I lied./p
p data-p-id="8a7ab20ec0ab3262ce329c7dcb399a4e"***/p
p data-p-id="50b963184729a54db9ea1d85a221e7bc"We stopped at a rest stop so Kat could use the bathroom. Paul and I switched places so I could drive for a while and give him a break. I drummed my fingers on the wheel as we waited./p
p data-p-id="aa512e714199333782a7b0f7f182e97f""She seems to be taking it well," Paul said, raising a brow at me./p
p data-p-id="b213622cb11401c33f7f34c4cdc5233c"His sentence jolted me out of the blissful avoidance I had been enjoying. I cleared my throat just as a lump started reforming there. "She's not taking it... because I didn't tell her."/p
p data-p-id="6cff822718d9eecd748aa729f860c72b""Shit, Shawn," he exclaimed, rubbing his eyes in exasperation. He had to be so done with me. I don't know what I would do without Paul. "Why didn't you tell her?"/p
p data-p-id="270f55371931ade5f742a16687115486"I sighed. "I... I don't know. She was looking up at me those big doe eyes and I... I just couldn't, y'know? What if she hates me after I tell her? I fucked up, Paul. I really fucked up this time."/p
p data-p-id="2294c0570bc429ea69417446f05466ab""I know, Shawn. Calm down. You have to tell her eventually. She's not going to hate you," he told me./p
p data-p-id="3138c724658cba9a0294b5db4bb92337""But-"/p
p data-p-id="3e9e5a396b359a7ce772975151173738"I was cut off by Kat climbing back into the car. I shut my mouth immediately and tried to focus my thoughts on something else./p
p data-p-id="344b2e2bd9ab8bf9c653789946b406e5""Hey guys," she chirped. Unfortunately she'd already seen my face. "What's up?"/p
p data-p-id="cd2c0fa4f9a447d8179ad036a15cbf77""Nothing," I assured her for probably the thousandth time that day./p
p data-p-id="d4cb80b929e630f01a94ff8a5adfb146"She settled in her seat, deflated. "...okay."/p
p data-p-id="ce630ce743d26ce0493351f7807d5bae"I hated seeing her like that. My heart sank even further into my stomach as I watched her face fall. I don't think I'd ever felt so much guilt in my life./p
p data-p-id="66f5bb4c16beb0dd21896047ccdb8d9d"***/p
p data-p-id="052632f75586fb00a6427090265d711e""Ugh, turn that crap off!" Paul complained as I tuned the radio./p
p data-p-id="265956fcc07404edd1f1f7033dc7fd28""What, it's country!"/p
p data-p-id="e3a231cd9b89c77d60f14174eb0e438f""It's terrible!"/p
p data-p-id="f5bd1ce08bd75a903c3fe44bdd11972e""It is not, shithead!"/p
p data-p-id="580487685ff6784e5902f046fe1bbe7f"Paul twisted around in his seat to look at Kat in the back. "What do you think of Shawn's music?" he asked./p
p data-p-id="4c89adecbd64eac3de8f0c0a483344a9""I... I think it's nice," she admitted shyly./p
p data-p-id="268580c5ab6ff4e98fa14efa85218164""See?!"/p
p data-p-id="27fe696bd1240096da27ee19c9eefc51"Paul groaned and fell back against his seat. "You're only saying that because he's your boy," he argued./p
p data-p-id="2693973b4fb5e03b85ef8021afb7bb27""I'm not her boy toy!" I joked. We all laughed our asses off./p
p data-p-id="0d32c6b217a0c546720b02ddb9f88b1c"It was nice to sit and talk with two of my best friends. It was also nice to ignore the elephant in the room. After all, that was my specialty: avoiding my problems. I tried to not even think about the burning regret sitting in my stomach./p
p data-p-id="721bb8d570ad786c3cef8e739b425c6d"It worked./p
p data-p-id="a5fdfd96a0d8d7d1e585f84d2de1901c"At least, until we had to stop to let Paul buy us snacks at some gas station in the middle of nowhere. Kat and I were left alone in the car, and my heart was pumping like crazy. She was going to ask, and if I was ever going to tell her, it'd be the perfect time. But I didn't want to. At all. Everything in my body, except the smart part of my brain that told me to tell her, was telling me to clam up and never speak to her again./p
p data-p-id="d48fd3c34139e49b2568389ba6c6948b"She entwined her hand in mine, which was sitting on the middle compartment. Before I could think, I freaked the fuck out and jerked my hand away./p
p data-p-id="8c753b44dd5e3c13b8eed8e39f2b87cf""Shawn, are you sure you're okay?" she asked. I internally punched myself; she'd asked that so many times today. "...You're scaring me."/p
p data-p-id="7a7676ff6a1689bb783ef10978c4138a"That was it. I had to tell her. I couldn't keep her upset like that. It hurt me to see the face she was making. I was being selfish by not telling her; she was going crazy worrying about me./p
p data-p-id="18599f83da852d45e69be48ca3a873c6""I fucked Sunny," I blurted out. I couldn't stop it, I couldn't sugarcoat it... she needed to know./p
p data-p-id="ef5c66e0e8742666be7c671d6cc7930b"God, did I regret saying it as soon as I saw her face. The face that was usually so bright and happy, crushed in a matter of seconds./p
p data-p-id="def84dc89a30dcb21188f7c029f0eb9a""...what?"/p
p data-p-id="5f97b0bd4f8ff544f828ac73627e7ecb"I sighed. "I slept with Sunny. The other night. It was a dumbass mistake and I shouldn't have fucking done it. I feel like shit about it," I rambled./p
p data-p-id="1d4a164615377b76bbc6cdf161f9a4dd""Why?" was all she asked./p
p data-p-id="0e548932b17063481cd2d8a36c46ac53""Because I'm a dick. I'm a fuck up." I ran a hand through my hair and tried to calm the urge to pound my face through the window. "It doesn't mean anything to me. I don't give a shit about Sunny." I turned to look her in the eye. "I don't care about people. I don't have relationships. But I care about you, Kat. I've never... I've never wanted to be with anyone else. I don't know what I'm doing." What was I saying? "I want to clean up my act, I do, I swear. I just... I fucked up, Kat."/p
p data-p-id="3de1b61dd49acd38011e2cbe0d476ffb"She hadn't said a word. She didn't need to. I needed to get all off that off my chest or I was never sleeping soundly again./p
p data-p-id="03d81e7e26351c5cddaf0119f8663e7e"Kat was a better listener than talker, that was for sure. She let me sit there and suffer as she searched for what to say./p
p data-p-id="6d69d315593951f17d78bfb645cc19ac""I..." she trailed off. I'd really hurt her with this. Why was I such a dumbass?/p
p data-p-id="880df8e15d8e2b56f9b2aa93fbbf65c1"Without another word, she unbuckled her seat belt and left the car, not even caring about leaving the door wide open. I slammed my head against the steering wheel as I watched her leave. I was an idiot. I didn't deserve her./p
p data-p-id="ad43006f377eb9c320858118d74a5347"I waited for what seemed like forever alone in the car with just my guilt to keep me company. I wanted to go after her, I swear I did, but I didn't think there was anything more I could say. If I said anything else, I was bound to just mess everything up again./p
p data-p-id="50888509afbaa4f08941a73579c2c6f2"Paul came back with food and drinks, as promised. He shut Kat's door before sitting beside me in the passenger seat./p
p data-p-id="8fcf9e5641363281b321ebf36028d757""Um, Kat called Stephanie to come pick her up. I tried, but... she's not taking it well," he explained./p
p data-p-id="27435837ed1869bd183ad7f23da7e7e2""I noticed," I replied. I looked at all the junk he bought and my stomach rolled. "I'm not hungry anymore."/p
p data-p-id="0c5a71622661d38ff693f0b49da236ba"***/p
p data-p-id="fa1ccc235d73cddb476ccf858bf0f747"em-/embr /emKat's POV /embr /em-/em/p
p data-p-id="7aafc2089f1a436ae018126c82edf57d"I waited on the sidewalk outside the gas station for Steph to pick me up. I'd stopped crying by then. I hated crying. Besides, I didn't want Steph to see me like that. I mean, it wasn't like she'd never seen it, but I was supposed to be the big sister. I was supposed to be strong. I had even tried to fix my mascara in the tiny bathroom, but it was no use. I looked like a pathetic mess./p
p data-p-id="ae37b6e55dcf13ea5796374143cbbfdf"I leapt up when my car pulled into the parking lot. My car looked so out of place next to the shabby little gas station out here in the middle of nowhere./p
p data-p-id="b41aac519926cfe5658479f564237122"I was so relieved to see Steph and have her drive me out of this place, until the car pulled up right next to me and I saw who was in the driver's seat. Shane./p
p data-p-id="e99eee2c38bfcc7dc29a54759b12c664"Shit./p
p data-p-id="5076b58bd80fd21ae70a186dac74d4ed"I got in the car with a huff. I felt betrayed by my own sister. "You told Shane?!" I shouted./p
p data-p-id="597e44fd82b1f9d6669734def63834ac""Damn right she told me. We're taking you home," Shane announced, pulling out of the lot. "Obviously you aren't ready to be part of the show."/p
p data-p-id="e9578a878bb4006770d1b6c48f8d4354""No way!" I argued. "Shane!"/p
p data-p-id="8b3d712413d82c434a325b7bd8cc4466""I can go knock him out, like I did to that girl that called you a nerd your sophomore year," he said, ignoring me. "Or, I could just tell Dad... and who knows what will happen then."/p
p data-p-id="059ce3bc449738de687cc2b08ed8df27"Shane had always been overprotective of Steph and I, ever since we were little girls. When Dad wasn't around, Shane was almost like a second dad to us at times. He'd beaten up plenty of kids to defend us. Maybe that was nice when we were younger, but I didn't need protected anymore./p
p data-p-id="ee9933cb5cd9ea261f0b074b280d9c27""No one is getting knocked out and no one is telling Dad! You are going to take me to the arena!"/p
p data-p-id="d0a24e9f9ac31272a88d65c51abbfa59""When Dad told me about you two, I just knew... I just emknew/em something was going to happen. I was just telling him the other day about how you'd be crawling back soon enough, heart broken-"/p
p data-p-id="d45fdb6838570ad613007003d85fccfc""Shut up! Stop the car. I want out," I told him. I unbuckled my seat belt./p
p data-p-id="05c55cc1946dc8a9a2f93979a34ad908""Sari, put your seat belt back on," he snapped. I groaned at the use of my old nickname./p
p data-p-id="171a9e83e59b5e3c56d6a8639fd258c8"I refused. "I'm getting out."/p
p data-p-id="36753993c7c55147d2e90a58d35e2073""Sarah Katherine McMahon I am not stopping until we get home so unless you want to roll out of a car going 70 miles per hour on the highway you will put your damn seat belt back on!" Shane yelled./p
p data-p-id="2fe710f4d45bb102360ddda853fdc0bf"Steph sat in the front seat without saying a word. I don't think I'd seen her that scared maybe ever. Shane and I hardly ever fought. Typically I was the one breaking up fights between my siblings. Steph had probably never seen me so angry. I'd never felt so angry./p
p data-p-id="49f47549dad1c926b614ee7e41702110"I buckled my seat belt again and sat back in my seat, crossing my arms. "You know, you're just like Dad."/p
p data-p-id="edb308d8c0a938cbeb731f7de3f85322""How's that?"/p
p data-p-id="4e5fc60e0ea331c09a0c8275ede48c8e""You both think you can just make me do whatever you want me to do, like I'm some kind of lap dog," I spat./p
p data-p-id="5b0fb4cff82a232c272a1d290deafea7""And all this time, I thought it was because we were looking out for your best interests. Thanks for enlightening me," he answered sarcastically./p
p data-p-id="019e4b67d361729afc4475811fc49736""I don't need you to look after me! I'm fine. Shawn and I are fine. Shawn-"/p
p data-p-id="4552f334b8d6e1a4fc7c68cfe62dde7d""Really? So then why did you call Steph to come pick you up, if you're all so 'fine'?" he questioned./p
p data-p-id="ef13d87c33e0c014aa9eb0214a3683ed"I snapped my mouth shut. There was no point in trying anymore, because I wasn't going to win. I felt more tears start running down my face, but this time they were hot, angry tears. I shoved my head in my hands to hide it from Shane. I didn't want him thinking he made me cry. I was so mad at the entire situation./p
p data-p-id="ed98955a440fad526c3c3cd388a8d0d6"We sat in silence all the way up until we pulled into our drive. It was a good thing we were already in Connecticut, because I'd like to see Shane try to get my ass on a plane that day./p
p data-p-id="5b11ded53bae756bbcac57d70776bb53"I stormed up to my room and slammed the door. I didn't want to talk to anyone and I didn't want to see anyone. I knew Mom must've been home, but I didn't want to talk to even her./p
p data-p-id="5fa595eabf4d9b3d1774d99e990560ff"I heard Shane and Steph come in. Shane slammed the front door, making me jump. I heard him loudly explaining to Mom what had happened. I figured Steph just went up and hid in her room. I felt a bit of guilt in my chest when I thought about Steph in there crying./p
p data-p-id="ab84ab9a708862f9699159e1869db111"I flopped onto my bed with a soft thud. I hadn't been there in ages, but everything was exactly how I'd left it. I was ready to stay up in my room until Shane was willing to listen to me. Which was probably about... never./p
p data-p-id="83bef9da231b73c1f8a15a9705b33bb4"I was frustrated with myself, because I felt like I was acting like a child, shutting myself in my room and all. But I couldn't help it; Shane was treating me that way./p
p data-p-id="b22bec8d622d360261e5ca2c31418ce5"And now I wasn't even going to be there for the live event later in the evening. Suddenly I remembered that Paul and Shawn were probably going to wait there for me. They didn't know what happened./p
p data-p-id="f6bb11ed14aa1651b2d76a9cd82b5389"I sighed at the thought of calling Shawn. I didn't want to cry again. I felt all cried out, like my tears were all used up./p
p data-p-id="593b86b3d8217f456169e173a020824c"I grabbed the landline in my room and decided to call Paul. I told him how I was forced to go home against my will, grounded for the rest of my life. He asked how I was doing, and I told him I didn't know how I was supposed to feel. He apologized, but I said he didn't need to. It wasn't his fault./p
p data-p-id="77110fc25142800ae8a1630814af5a56"I hung up the phone with Paul and fell back onto the bed. I just prayed that no one would tell Dad, because then I'd really be in for it. And so would Shawn. I may not have liked him at the moment, but I didn't want Shawn punished./p
p data-p-id="e08c88949bfa2cc5f646f19d7b4bff54"I sighed and settled into my old bed. Maybe if I just took a nap, I could escape all the thoughts swimming around in my head./p