Author's Note: You guys should feel EXTREMELY lucky that this chapter is being posted as was promised… about two weeks ago I got a virus on my laptop, which resulted in my computer being unable to boot a couple of days after (it won't even boot via CD). Fortunately I had backed up my files a few days prior to that… unfortunately, when I was backing up, to save time, I set it basically not to replace any files.
Except when I write, I basically start these "shells" for the next feel chapters, which has the author's note, chapter number/title/chapter, general chapter outline, etc, all set up so I just need to fill in the actual story later. But of course, since the file already exists, the newer versions didn't replace them. I'm almost done chapter 32 at this point, while on my backup drive I was on up to the very first draft of this chapter, and a bunch of "shells" for the next few chapters. But I thought, okay, I can kind of deal with this… I mean I have the next chapter I need to post, just gotta majorly edit it, and I have the basic plot jotted down for the 2 chapters following.
But of course. Two days after that I accidentally dropped my external hard drive (where I back up everything) on the ground. And it being this fragile thing, stopped functioning. I was devastated! Within days I lost ALL my files! And I really hate rewriting things… just thinking about having to rewrite all those chapters of Wanted depressed me… had I not been able to recover my data Wanted would've probably gone on a year-long unintentional hiatus, or however long it takes for me to get over this. Luckily my co-worker had a SATA cable which after removing my HDD from my laptop he was able to connect it to another computer via a USB portal… so yay! All files recovered, the very originals too! External's basically dead though, which still sucks 'cause I got some old photos on it. :(
Lesson learned: Back up all your files at more than one location! Whenever possible, for non-confidential, important things, try backing it up ONLINE! Oh, and don't drop your external hard drive on the ground. :p
Onto the next chapter of Wanted!
On a side note – feels so weird that in you guys' world the story is so depressing right now, but in mind (aka chapter 32 world) things are much happier—oops, spoiler alert! Just a lot of times I feel a certain mood thinking about the current state of the story, then I'm like, oh wait, no one else can share my joy/pain/excitement as no one knows about this yet!
)HappyHam( - Well, as the King he has more responsibilities than others, and is expected to act based on what's good for his people and not his feelings… I mean it's kind of like a high-ranking official in today's society giving money to his family because he cares about their well-being… or if say the President letting his friend off a trial when they commit some crime…
)BiskElle( - LOL I couldn't possibly do that to Tomoyo! XD Although admittedly when I was editing it I felt that too, I was thinking hmmm, maybe this part is a little misleading… Writing things like this makes me debate a lot between making things "realistic" vs. well this is just a fanfic and most ppl just want happy/fluffy SS action… but of course being me, the "realistic" side always wins, haha… thus these chapters some times get so depressing… T.T You, my dear, scare me some times with how accurate your "predictions" are… :p
)AmberJade( - the death of nine generation was a real crime back in the olden days… by that I mean thousands of years ago, when Kings ruled in China. And of course I only know that from all those Chinese dramas I watched… so as far as that's concerned, if they followed some any sort of historical truth, it was real. Not sure how good of an answer that was, haha…
)ZBZ( - Aww, I couldn't do that to Syao… just imagine while he's in midst of Ilonka's trial Eriol comes in: "OMG SYAO SAKURA ESCAPED AGAIN!". Syao'd prolly just be like "You know what FML I quit… -.-" I-It will end happily… eventually… somehow… n.n;
Thanks for the reviews – always appreciated! :)
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Chapter Twenty-Nine
Trial 2, Part II
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Jelensta felt her world go black.
For a moment she felt numb, and nothing made sense. There was nothing around her.
But slowly, little by little, her surroundings returned. All around her, she could vaguely hear screaming and crying and begging, but all she could do was spin around slowly, and stare into those beautiful dark eyes.
And imagine them closed. Forever.
How could this be? It can't be. Those eyes were meant for her. She can't be gone. No. It's just not possible.
Sounds all around her were dim. "Ilonka…" she whispered, barely audibly. So quiet that no one heard her. "Ilonka." She said again, attempting to bring herself back to reality.
"Ilonka. Gone."
It didn't make sense. It couldn't be registered in her brain.
Crying. Begging. They were begging for mercy, for Ilonka's life. Shouldn't she be doing the same?
But she couldn't bring herself to. Slowly, as if in a trance, she walked towards Ilonka, dragging her feet. When she was right in front of her, she stopped. "Ilonka…" she whispered.
"Lenta." She acknowledged, her eyes still determined and strong, tear stains were fresh on her face, but the barest trace of sadness was beginning to show, as she stared into her lover's eyes.
"How… how could this be? This is not happening, right, Lonka?"
Ilonka looked away. "It is happening. The former King murdered my parents. It matters not, Lenta. I expected nothing less. Li Syaoran, this pitiful creature, he is as unjust as his father."
That sentence triggered something in Jelensta. Her head cleared, and the confused, soft look disappeared. She stared at Ilonka intently. "He is not like his father."
Ilonka looked up in shock.
Her voice was firm. "He is not like his father." She repeated, her voice a little louder.
Ilonka's eyes softened momentarily, before they hardened again. "You know nothing of what he's like."
"I know a damn well more about him than you. I also know that you're stupid."
"Stupid?" Ilonka gasped.
"Yes. Stupid. For trying to kill the King. For thinking it's so noble of you to admit you've tried to kill him even though it will cost you your life!"
Anger flashed across Ilonka's eyes. "Are you telling me if someone murdered your entire family you would do nothing about it? You would lie and deny everything you believe in just to live? Living like that is not living, I thought you of all people would understand!"
"No, I would not forgive the murder. But neither would I try to blame the crime on someone innocent!"
"Innocent? INNOCENT? He is anything but innocent! He has hurt endless women and has sentenced many people to death or worse, and you dare say he is innocent?"
"He is the King! Of course he must sentence people to death! When people commit unspeakable crimes, they deserve to receive punishment! How could you blame that on the King as well?"
"He knows nothing of fair judgment. I am dignified, true to my family name and our history!"
"No, what you're doing now, it's nothing but being SELFISH!"
"Selfish? How dare you say that? I risk my own life to carry out my family's vengeance and you call me selfish?"
"YES! YOU SELFISH BITCH!" Tears began to form in Jelensta's eyes. She was trying to hold her emotions in, but her face began to crack. "SO DAMN SELFISH! All you worry about is vengeance, honour, for people who are already dead! You think you're so damn noble, you think all you're throwing away is your own life—well you're not! You're so wrong! Have you taken the time to think about all the people you're affecting? Have you ever thought of us?" Jelensta screamed, pointing behind her at Meiling, Tomoyo and Sakura, who were on their knees pleading for King Syaoran to change his sentence.
"Jelensta…"
"NO! Don't say my name! All you care about is yourself, not for one second did you think about the people who love you, now did you? How this'll make us feel? How heartbroken we'd be, how much we'd suffer because we give a damn about you!"
Ilonka's eyes softened. "Lenta, please understand… the honour of my family is more important than—"
"I DON'T GIVE A DAMN ABOUT YOUR HONOUR! I NEED YOU ALIVE DAMMIT! I just need you alive…" Tears began to slip down Jelensta's cheek, but only Ilonka could see them. They were meant only for her.
"This is outrageous!" Captain Ramsa exclaimed stepping forth. "Your Majesty this sort of drama should not be allowed in the court room, especially with so many people watching!"
"You're right." The King replied after a short pause. And in a louder voice, he declared: "My sentence is final; take her away to the women's cell. She is not to leave her cell under any circumstances until tomorrow morning, when she will be executed. Court is dismissed."
Two soldiers stepped up as they grabbed Ilonka and took her away. Jelensta could only stare into her eyes as she was dragged away, tears dripping silently down her face.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Sakura cried hugging the King's leg tightly, as Tomoyo and Meiling fell by his feet. "YOUR MAJESTY, PLEASE!"
"MY KING! I BEG YOU! RECONSIDER!" Meiling hiccupped through tears.
But the King ignored them all. "WHAT ARE YOU ALL WAITING FOR? CASE DISMISSED—LEAVE!"
The guests, who were staring at the scene, quickly began pouring out the room.
Eriol closed his eyes tightly. But he bit his tongue and held in his tears. He took a few deep breathes before finding Lord Ferrer among the crowd. "My Lord… we should get the girls out." He nodded at Sakura, Tomoyo and Meiling.
"Indeed, Advisor Eriol."
And together they walked up to the screaming girls and began to gently tug at them. "Tomoyo, sweetie… you need rest… this is pointless… we should leave."
But Tomoyo spun her head around, sheer hatred and madness in her eyes as she stared at him, startling him. "LEAVE? HOW COULD YOU EVEN SUGGEST THAT? THIS IS ILONKA! AND SHE'S GOING TO DIE! DIE DAMMIT! AND YOU WANT ME TO LEAVE?"
Eriol's grasp on her lightened; he could not believe what he was seeing and hearing from his normally gentle and passive Tomoyo. Perhaps I should see if Lady Jelensta is fine… she seemed… quite in distress.
He turned around, and saw Jelensta in the exact same position as she had been, having not moved a single inch. All around her people walked by, exiting the room.
But just as Eriol was about to walk over to her to urge her out the room and escort her to her own, she suddenly joined the crowd, and within seconds she was with the flow of people, and exited the room.
Soon, everyone left the room besides the girls, the King, Eriol, Ramsa and Ferrer. The door shut behind them, leaving behind an empty echo as it did.
Eriol turned around, and stared at the scene before him, and could feel his mind swirling.
Meiling was crying in the arms of Lord Ferrer, Sakura was on the ground, repeatedly asking for mercy at the King's feet. She was attempting to kowtow; though her body was so shaken up she just looked like she was having a seizure on the ground. Tomoyo looked like she was in shock as she was hyperventilating slightly, choking, though still using her every breath to plead at the King, clawing at the ground before his feet.
This is a nightmare… this has to be a nightmare… Eriol felt dizzy. This… can't be happening…
Suddenly, over the cries, a quiet, but deadly voice rang.
"Get out."
The simplicity yet cruelty of the word left the room silent.
Slowly, the girls looked up at the King's face, uncertain they heard what they just did.
The King looked calm, his face completely devoid of emotions.
"Your Majesty… Syaoran… Please… don't do this!"
"I said get out. All of you."
"No, I don't care what you say, please! Not Ilonka! Anyone but her!"
"I said GET OUT!"
The shear rage in his voice made everyone do a double take.
Quickly, Eriol stepped forth and carried a petrified Tomoyo into his arms, as Lord Ferrer did the same with Meiling.
"Sakura… take my arm…" Eriol whispered quietly to the sorrow-stricken girl.
Luckily, Sakura was a little stronger than Tomoyo. She managed to put her arms around Eriol's, allowing him to pull her up. But one look into her eyes, Eriol knew she was far from fine. Her expression was hollow; tear stains everywhere on her face and neck. Eriol and Arwin bowed stiffly before ushering the girls out, as Captain Ramsa bowed ever so grandly with a smile upon his face, as he walked proudly in large steps past the five of them who were struggling to even stay standing, and out the door.
"We're going to Tomoyo's room." Was all Eriol whispered.
Lord Ferrer nodded, as they shuffled out the door.
Once everyone had exited, the guards stepped out, and closed the stone doors behind them.
All alone, in a cold, gray, empty, stone room, the King sat on his throne.
For a few moments, nothing could be heard. Not his breathing, not buzzing from insects. Nothing. It was as if time had stood still.
"AAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!"
A demented, heart-wrenching cry pierced through the silence as the King fell off his throne and onto his knees, beating the hard and cold ground with his fists.
His bangs fell over his face as he screamed and cried, pounding the ground until his knuckles bled.
Blood mixed with his tears but he didn't stop. He had never hated being a King as much as he did in this moment. Ilonka was a friend to him; even if she was filled with rage and hated him for all the wrong reasons. More importantly, Arwin, Eriol, Jelensta, Tomoyo, Meiling and Sakura were the people most near and dear to him. He loved them all and more importantly could trust them. And yet he hurt every single one of them.
What made it worse was that it was in his powers to make everything better. But instead he chose his Kingdom. In the long run, it was the better decision. In the very, very long run. Whenever they chose to forgive him. If they ever chose to forgive him.
But no one understood or even knew his pain. They all thought him to be a cruel, heartless monster.
—
Jelensta may have left with the crowd, but she parted from them soon after. As the guests shuffled to their rooms gossiping about the trial, Jelensta walked briskly to her room.
She entered her room boldly by kicking her door open, as she picked up two things from her dressing desk—a knife and a bottle of lip paint—before walking back out into the corridor, kicking the room shut behind her and ignoring all the worried questions and warnings her servants were shouting at her.
Jelensta knew where she had to go. Her eyes held determination.
She dashed down the stairs and straight to the deepest and dampest dungeon, and walked through the entrance to the death inmates' cell.
"Halt." Two spears blocked her path.
Jelensta closed her eyes as she took a deep breath slowly. "Let, me, through."
"You must be in the wrong cell. This place holds death inmates. They're simply here pending the inevitable; they're already considered to be dead." One of the guards said, his voice muffled from his full body armor and helmet.
"Do you have any idea who the hell I am? Kalira Jelensta. I'm sure you know me. Now I have to go see someone. Let, me, in."
"Lady Kalira! Yes, of course I know of your Ladyship. But then you of all people should know that death inmates are not to be visited. They—"
"Oh, I really don't have time for this…" Jelensta muttered under her breath. In a swift movement she ripped one of the guard's helmet off—nearly taking his head off in the process—as her other hand reached for the strap on her thigh, pulling out a knife which she pressed tightly to the guard's exposed throat, as she spun her body behind the guard, so that his armor shielded her completely from the other guard. "Don't move." She said as she took a few steps backwards with the guard, until her back pressed again the wall. "I don't want to have to hurt anyone, but I'll be damned if I'm stopped by the likes of you. Not even the King would deny me this last visit, but you?" Her eyes burned.
"This is outrageous!" The other guard cried. "Lady Kalira you're a woman! You can't—"
"I can, I will, and I am. Don't you ever dare say I'm a woman like it's an inferior thing. Ever. Now I'm not much for negotiation and you should all know that. If I have to I will kill every guard in this cell. Or, you can let me visit somwone in there. I promise, I won't cause any commotions, and you have my word I will not try to help her escape before you see me leave this place. And yes, I will leave through the front door so you will all see. The choice is yours."
"You… won't. There are guards on patrol everywhere in this place, I'm sure any time now, the next patrol team will come by and take you down."
"And then what? I'm Lady Kalira dammit you can't harm a hair on me without having to face the wrath of the King himself, while I, can hurt you as I please and not even receive a scolding for it."
When the other guard said nothing after a full minute, Jelensta narrowed her eyes. "This is a waste of my time." And the tip of the knife dug into the skin and flesh of her hostage.
"NO PLEASE WAIT!" The trembling guard screamed, blood trickling down his throat, the blade already quarter of an inch in his skin. "P-Please, let her in… y-you won't cause any unpleasant surprises if we let you in, r-right…?"
"Of course."
"P-Please… just let her in… I don't want to die… and I'm sure neither d-do you…" the guard said to his partner. "A-And you know as well as I that once she's done with me, y-you're next!"
The other guarded hesitated for only a moment, before he dropped his spear. "Proceed." He said in defeated.
Jelensta smiled a joyless smile as she pulled her knife out and placed it back into its holder. "Good choice. Oh, and if I were you, I would take your partner to an infirmary now." She glanced at the man holding his throat and trembling on the ground.
When the other guard said nothing, Jelensta could almost envision his thought process. She rolled her eyes. "I won't try to escape or cause any harm… err, anymore harm. But I understand you don't trust me, so wait until your next round of patrol guards come by or whatever, and get one of them to take him up."
"W-Who are you looking for, my Lady…?"
Jelensta smiled sadly. "Ilonka. You needn't tell me where she's kept. I'll find her." Because we're connected…
With that, she fixed her hair, picked up her dress, and descended down the stairs into utter darkness.
—
The cell was made from damp, moldy rocks. Somewhere, water droplets dripped. Elsewhere, the scatter of mice and cockroaches could be heard. Besides the few nearly completely burnt torches scattered along the walls, the place was pitch black. Jelensta felt her hands along the bars of the cells as she walked forth, unafraid.
Groaning could be heard from the jail inmates, and she could briefly see the outline of a few of them—they looked terrible, thin, dirty, and without hope.
A place like this would drain the light out of anyone within hours. Or in Ilonka's case… dowse that brilliant fire of hers that I love…
Jelensta felt like she had walked forever, but the cell went deeper, and deeper. Briefly she wondered if the King has forgotten some people down here. She wouldn't be surprised if any of the inmates were dead. After all, no one down here gets fed.
Ilonka… where are you?
Just as she was beginning to feel a tinge of impatience rise in her, she felt something. Jelensta felt something the exact moment Ilonka did.
"Lenta?" A soft voice echoed.
And a smile blossomed over Jelensta's face. Even an unwilling tear of happiness slipped down her cheek. In the dim light, she grasped at the jail bars, as slowly, Ilonka emerged from within the darkness. "Oh God…" she whispered. "Ilonka… Lonka… My Ilonka…"
"Lenta… Lenta!" Ilonka exclaimed. She tried to thrust her arms through the jail bars and embrace Jelensta, but her elbow got stuck in between. "Lenta…"
Jelensta reached in as much as could, touching Ilonka's arm, her shoulder, and her face with the tip of her fingers. God, how she wanted to feel her embrace, but the place was limiting… it was so frustrating. "Oh Ilonka… you knew, you knew I would come to find you…"
"Of course…" Ilonka smiled warmly. "God wouldn't be so cruel as to let me leave this world without seeing you one last time."
Jelensta closed her eyes as she lowered her face and moved it closer, so that Ilonka could cup her cheek in one of her hands. "I meant what I said at the trial, Lonka. I don't think it's worthwhile to defend your honour at the cost of your life, especially when your true enemy is already dead." She could feel Ilonka ready to retort, so she quickly added, "But I respect your decision. What's done is done, and you have the right to make your own decisions. And so… I just want to spend tonight with you."
"Lenta…" Ilonka muttered warmly, her eyes soft as she caressed Jelensta's soft cheek. "Thank you…"
Slowly, they slid to the ground together, both leaning the side of their body against each other with the jail bars in between, their fingers intertwined.
For almost an hour, they sat like so, in comfortable silence, simply enjoying each other's presence.
"The Gods are so cruel… to take away my love, so soon after I've found her…" Jelensta muttered.
Ilonka smiled gently, her eyes half closed, and staring at their hands. "I prefer to think of you as a gift from the Gods… they were kind enough to bless me… to give you to me, before I leave this world…"
Jelensta could feel tears filling her eyes again, and she blinked rapidly, trying to force them away. "Ilonka… do you… really… oh, this is cruel to say, I know, sweetie. It is cruel and selfish but I have to ask…"
"Anything."
"Do you… do you really value your deceased mother's honour so much more than what we could've had together?"
Ilonka closed her eyes and for a while said nothing.
Drip…
Drip…
Drip…
How could anyone stay here for more than a day? They would surely lose all their sanity and dignity by then…
"You can tell me the truth, you know. Just tell me."
Ilonka smiled sadly. "It wasn't just for me and my family's honour… It was also for you…"
Jelensta looked up in surprise. "What do you mean?"
"That first night we met, remember how we went back to your room for a little drinking contest? Near the end when we were both a little tipsy, I called you 'Lenta'. And do you remember what you said?"
—
Ilonka sputtered. "For real? You guys must be some childhood friends for him to spoil you so…" A tiny frown flickered across Jelensta's face, but Ilonka failed to notice. "Then again, with some bastard like him he's prolly done some unspeakable crime and owe you a lifetime of luxury if not more…"
Jelensta's hand shook. The wine bottle she had been holding unexpectedly fell out of her grasp as her lips quivered.
Ilonka blinked, looking up in surprise. "Lenta?" Ilonka had said this name without thinking, but it appeared to have a dramatic affect on Jelensta as she squeezed her eyes shut tightly. But the tears couldn't be stopped—they simply gushed out of her eyes and down her cheeks.
"T-That's what King Syaoran used to call me…" She whispered, her voice barely audible.
"Oh dear God…" Ilonka suddenly felt alert as she rushed over to her new friend. "What's he done to you…?" she whispered darkly. "Whatever he's done to you… I promise you, he'll pay dearly…" The anger flickering in her eyes at that moment seemed almost inhuman.
—
"From that moment, I knew, I knew he must've done something absolutely horrifying to you too, just like his father did to my mother." Ilonka's voice was bitter. "They are of the same bloodline after all. They're both from the same tainted bloodline. Evil cannot be so easily destroyed. I promised to avenge you as well, Lenta."
"Oh God… no…" Jelensta's eyes were sad as she shook her head ever so slowly. "No… you misunderstood." She replied sadly. "That wasn't why I started crying… it's true Lenta was a nickname that the King had for me. It's a nickname only he has ever called me by. And indeed, hearing that name again after so long, did trigger unpleasant memories… but not unpleasant memories of what he's done to me… but completely opposite… it's what I've done to him…"
Ilonka's head snapped up. "W-What do you mean? What you've done… to him?"
Jelensta sighed. "It's a story I've never told anyone, it's also a story nobody besides King Syaoran and myself knows… Well, a few other people know, but none of them the full story. Had I realized such a misunderstanding would occur I would've told you of it a long time ago."
"You were… more than childhood friends."
Jelensta nodded slowly. "I was his wife."
Ilonka's hand came over her mouth slowly. "Wife? But h-how could that be? He is seeking a new wife while you are still by his side? Despicable! And you say he has done thing to you? How dare h—"
"Please, let me finish…" Jelensta took a deep breath. "As I mentioned before, King Syaoran and I met when I was only 12, and him 17. We first met at a party thrown by my family. We were young and didn't realize what the adults had planned. But right away, I noticed him. Because he seemed to see beyond my exterior. Despite me being socially challenged and slightly conceited at that age, he attempted to speak to me again and again. So I thought maybe I should give him a chance. But the second time we met, it was during the announcement of our engagement.
"It was announced to the royalties of all the lands that we would wed the day I turned 14. I was surprised, and I did not wish to be wedded off to this man, even if he had intrigued me. From then on, I was never kind to him, hoping my madness and attitude would drive him away. As a lady, I could not complain about the marriage, but he on the other hand, as the future King, had more rights than I did. But for whatever strange reason, he was not revolted by me. Instead, he just tried harder and harder to please me. Until one day, when I was 13, I couldn't take it anymore, and asked him, 'What's wrong with you? Why are you still so nice to me? Why don't you just complain to your mother what an unbearable, spoiled little brat I am and that you will not have me as your wife?'
"But he only smiled, and—I will never forget this—replied calmly, 'Ah, so I was right. I knew all along, that underneath your cold and tough exterior, there lies a beautiful, caring young lady, Lenta.'
"I was taken aback. Both by his comment and what he called me so casually. Jelensta is a rather difficult name to make a nickname for. People always just settled by calling me 'Jane' as a supposedly cute pet name." She made an expression of distaste. "God, how I hated that name. It just, didn't suit me. But there he was, calling me Lenta. Lenta… I grew to love that name.
"Because of our engagement we spent a lot of time together. His mum would leave him in our land for months at a time, and vice versa. He was always kind, gentle, and forgiving towards me. And in turn… slowly… I reciprocated his feelings. But it was a funny thing; despite how well we got along, in front of our parents we always bickered and acted stubborn and unforgiving towards one another." Jelensta smiled thinly. "It was a happy time in my life. I loved spending time with Syao, I really did… I loved how easy it was to be with him, I loved the way he called me Lenta, I loved the way we could share ideas with one another…
"But I didn't love him. No, I did love him… but not in the way he wanted. I loved him so, so, so much, but only as my dearest friend. I tried so hard to love him, trying to imagine myself as his wife… by his side forever… but it just never worked. I can imagine myself with him, by his side, spending time with him… but as his wife? No, that wouldn't do. Or kissing him? No, the mere thought of that appalled me.
"And the worst part was that I just couldn't understand why!" Jelensta exclaimed, frustration clear in her features. "I mean, it should've been perfect—I'm a spoiled little princess who thought no one in this world could understand me. Yet I meet some prince charming whom I was suppose to hate, but realize that he's more than meets the eye, and actually understand me. And slowly and unexpectedly I fall in love with him; the lioness is finally tamed. And we live happily ever after.
"But it didn't happen. And it's not like some tragic story where he turns out to be different and the whole time he was pretending, or that I fall madly in love someone else, or by some catastrophic fate we aren't allowed to be together—no, none of that. He never changed, I never fell in love with another man, and both our parents wanted this marriage." Jelensta clenched her fists tightly. "He was so stupid… he waited, and waited. He told me he would give me as much time as I needed… on my 14th birthday he spoke up for me and begged our parents to delay the marriage, saying that he wasn't ready yet. He was never impatient; he was there for me whenever I needed. I stayed at his castle during this time, and he would visit me every day. He comforted me daily, telling me I needn't be afraid of him. Even after we marry he would always be gentle to me. He even said that because I was such a strong-headed lady, if we were to get into a dispute, he would listen to me…
"I-I tried so hard to love him… and I did love him, I just, didn't want to marry him. The thought of him as my husband revolted me. I missed him and enjoyed spending time with him, but I did not wish to be his wife. And it was just so frustrating! Because I didn't understand why! I asked myself if there was another man I would prefer over him—no, there was no one else for me. No other human being I preferred over him. And so, in the end, I told myself I was just nervous, that everybody feels this way about something they don't know… maybe, maybe when we did get married, everything will be more… natural. And so, I said I would marry him on my 15th birthday—under one circumstance: it would be a private wedding, and it was not to be announced to the lands until I give consent."
Ilonka's eyes widened slightly. "That is an embarrassing request for the King! To have his wife too ashamed to announce him as her husband! He must've been furious!"
Jelensta looked miserable. "Indeed, my demand was preposterous. Both mine and his parents were flabbergasted and told me that it was absolutely ridiculous. I will marry him on my 15th birthday whether I like it or not, and it will be announced to all the lands. I cried, I whined, and I begged. But my parents—whom spoiled me and gave me everything I wished—would not be swayed this time. Perhaps they wished to strengthen the relationship with the Li kingdom; perhaps my request was that ridiculous. But they would not change their mind. That night, when I was crying in sadness and anger in my room, Syaoran came to visit me… When I saw him I was so angry. 'It's all your fault! ALL YOU FAULT!' I screamed over and over again. He just frowned and waited patiently for me to vent my anger on him. When I finally calmed down, he asked me what the problem was and I explained it to him, slightly embarrassed. When I was done, I expected him to walk out on me. But he didn't, he simply took a deep breath and smiled, and asked, 'why didn't you talk to me about it first?'. I was so surprised. And at that moment I wanted to make the marriage work so badly. At that moment I was nearly willing to be his Queen for eternity.
"But that was not to be. I don't know when, or how, but by the following day in the afternoon, he came to me, and told me my wish was granted. I don't know how he managed to convince our parents, but I knew he must've gone through a lot and given up a great deal for this."
Jelensta sighed and closed her eyes, as Ilonka stroked the back of her hand with feathery touches. It was a time period in her life when she felt happiest, but also most confused and tormented. Not tormented by others, but tormented by herself, by her inability to love the one man who should be perfect for her. "And so… on my fifteenth birthday, when he was twenty, we got married. But it wasn't just any marriage, we both promised that we won't fall to traditions, and we'll make the best, and most fun out of this.
"I remember I was giggling and so excited at our little adventure—we snuck out of the castle in the middle of the night, both dressed up and with make up and strange hair styles, and snuck into a tiny little village near the Li castle. There we found a priest and asked him to join us in holy matrimony. He had no idea of our status, probably just thought we were two young fools crazy in love. Maybe we were, I don't know. But I remember the night fondly… he plucked some flowers from the ground and that was my bouquet, and I tossed a thin flower wreath around his neck as a tie! We were married, we went out drinking and got ourselves crazy drunk, and we rented a dirty, cheap little hut at the edge of town…" Jelensta swallowed. "And… that's where we spent our first night together…"
Ilonka gasped. "You… you consummated the marriage…"
Jelensta nodded slowly. "Yes… he was my first…" she chuckled. "Well, only, even to this day. We were both so drunk… and perhaps that's what gave me the courage to go through with it. But I remember the night perfectly… like it was imprinted in my mind… I remembered how wrong it felt. And it just completely broke my heart. He was passionate, and I was willing, but it just wasn't right. Deep down, somewhere, I just knew he wasn't the one for me.
"We went to sleep that night… and by next morning…" she blinked her eyes quickly a few times, as if willing away a tear that threatened to spill. "I remember waking up to see his smiling face watching over me… he kissed me slowly on the side of my head, and said, 'Good morning… love.' There was such warmth and joy in his eyes… and it killed me to say what I did, but I knew I had to. I said to him, 'could we pretend last night never happened?'
"And he was shocked, but even then, without a trace of annoyance, he asked, 'you mean… about us being… intimate? I'm sorry, you're right, we… should've waited until we were both ready, and sober…' But I said, 'No Syao… I mean, can we forget about last night? The whole night.'
"It was the first time I saw anger flashing across his eyes. And it frightened me. He said nothing for the longest time and then simply rolled away from me, got dressed, and left the hut.
"When he came back, he was calm, and we sat down to discuss things. But the conversation didn't get very far; he couldn't change my mind and it angered him because I couldn't even provide a reason to why I was doing this to him. Did I hate him? No. Did I love him? Yes. Was I afraid of being Queen? No. Did I want to marry someone else? No. It just didn't make sense. That's when he started shouting, screaming, frustrated beyond belief and questioned if I enjoyed hurting him. And he kept saying over and over again, that it's done with, that we've already wedded, and thus are bound for eternity. There's no way to simply forget what happened. That would be outrageous!
"And so I said to him… 'Then unbound me.'"
Ilonka gasped, then let out a small hysterical laugh. "Oh dear…"
Jelensta looked away. "I know… it was an absurd thing to suggest… And I've already made him do so many disgraceful things for me… but this… this was just too much."
"Maybe that's why he hated that book so much…" Ilonka muttered.
"Hmm? Book?"
"Well… there's this great tale I read as a publisher… one of the most intriguing stories I've ever seen. In there they suggested something called… 'unbounding'. An idea that… marriage isn't sacred and eternal… apparently Sakura tried reading the story to the King, and he became rather sensitive to the idea and went ballistic over it."
Jelensta smiled sadly. "Perhaps. Though I must say I'm surprised someone else has thought of this idea besides myself…"
"So you and Li are… 'unbounded' supposedly?"
"Well… something like that… It was what I suggested… and… he never completely agreed to it… I managed to convince him to just pretend nothing's happened. I told him that since no one knew about it… what did it matter? It's like the age old philosophical question, if a tree falls in the middle of a forest and no one hears it, did the tree fall? In our case… no one knew of our marriage, so why can't we simply align our knowledge with theirs?
"He… didn't agree to it. He said it mattered because we were joined by the priest, and we… were intimate that night. I didn't push him to accept my concept, I knew what I was suggesting was insane, insulting, and hurtful… but I did tell him, that if one day he ever decides to love and marry another woman… he would have my full blessings.
"His temper after that became unpredictable. He was frustrated and less gentle around me. Which was expected… after all I suspect he will always bear some sort of grudge against me, putting it lightly. But his temper around everyone else was even worse. It was as if… he lost faith in the world.
"I knew this couldn't keep going… at this rate he would never marry, I would never marry, and he would spend his entire life waiting for something from me that I could never give, and eventually end up hating me. So… I suggested something to him… to… help him find a bride…"
Ilonka's eyes widened. "This was your idea?"
Jelensta nodded slowly. "Yes… so if there's anyone to blame… it would be me… I asked him to start this competition… I asked him to give these women a chance… at first he wouldn't speak to any of them. He would call them here because I requested, but then leave them in their room…
"So I pestered him constantly to be more intimate with them, to at least seem like he's trying… I can't tell you for sure when it occurred, but at one point I suppose he just snapped. I remember clearly, he said to me, 'Fine, if you're so desperate for me to be intimate with someone else, I will. I'll show you intimacy.'
"And… I believe that's when the whole… 'playing with women' thing started… I-I know it's not fair that he's taking it out on innocent women… but at the same time I was just grateful he was experiencing closeness with someone else…
"He's hurt hundreds of women… but… all I could think of the whole time was him. Thinking that maybe, slowly, he would be recovering…" Jelensta lowered her head. "I know how much you hate the King's actions… but… truly… I was the cause of them…"
Ilonka tilted Jelensta's chin upwards so that they would be looking at each other in the eyes. "You did nothing wrong. You're beautiful and amazing and that's why he fell in love with you. You had every right to speak your mind and do what you think is right. How he dealt with that was his choice, not yours. So please, don't blame yourself…"
Jelensta smiled thinly. "I just wish you wouldn't hate him… Syao… really is my closest and dearest friend. I think after seeing what happened to him… I became a little unstable too. I stopped caring… I developed an attitude… almost daring any man to approach me… I've proven how much I hurt people… so why should I allow anyone to get close to me again? They'll just get hurt…
"For a while… no one knew of this… but I knew he sought council… from… a certain Lord Ferrer Arwin. He was the blond man, who escorted Meiling as his date. Ferrer is known to be kind hearted and compassionate. Syaoran sought him out and poured all his troubles to him. For a while he really was quite unstable, and things around the castle could've been a lot worse had Lord Ferrer not come.
"But luckily he had, and they became great friends throughout the process." Jelensta paused, and took Ilonka's hand in both hers. "See Lonka… it was all a big misunderstanding… your hatred for Syao… your wanting to avenge me… it was all just a big misunderstanding…"
"It matters not. I do not regret my actions."
Jelensta sighed. "I understand it's quite a lot of information to absorb at this point… and it's difficult for you to transition from hating him, to liking him… I only wish… we had more time… then I could show you his true side… he could prove himself to you…"
"There's nothing he can prove. I give him credit for loving you, for being capable of love, but that is all. It does not excuse all his other crimes."
"It matters not at this point… let's not talk about him anymore, my love." Yes, he's oh so very capable of love… and now, he's finally found someone who's capable of reciprocating that feeling. Sakura, don't you dare break his heart again… Jelensta smiled as she leaned forward and kissed Ilonka lightly on the lips. It was the best she could do, with the jail bars getting in the way. "Well, at least now we know why I could never be his Queen… deep inside, I guess I always knew I was waiting for a redheaded beauty…"
Ilonka smiled in returned, closing her eyes at the kiss. "I believe that when we die… we will be reborn."
"You… do?"
"Of course, I have to. To see you again…" Ilonka smiled warmly, her eyes twinkling with hope, as well as tears. "After I die… I will wait for you. I will wait for your time, and we'll reincarnate together… and we'll meet again in our next life… and this time, we'll be together… forever. We'll have more than just a few days with one another… we'll spend our entire life together…"
Jelensta paused, for she was never one who believed in the supernatural. But she couldn't help but to smile at how wonderful that thought was. She took the bottle of lip paint out from her dress pocket and swiped the brush across her lips. Before it could dry, she took Ilonka's hand, and kissed the back of it, leaving a red lip print.
"Lenta?"
"You're mine, Ilonka…" Without meaning to, tears fell out of her eyes.
"Oh, sweetie…"
Jelensta leaned her head against the cell bars, as the tears ran down her cheeks. "Oh God, Ilonka… why can't we have more time? I love you so, so much… the first time in my life I finally found true happiness and love… and you have to be taken away from me so soon."
At her words, Ilonka's lips quivered, as she wiped at her eyes furiously with one hand, while the other never letting go of Jelensta's. "It's okay, Lenta… we should be happy we even had the time we did…"
Jelensta nodded feverishly, trying to convince herself of that. But the tears just won't stop. "I love you, Ilonka…"
"And you know I love you, my darling…"
With their hands intertwined, their heads leaning against one another's as best as they could, they soon drifted into sleep.
—
When Jelensta came to, she had no idea how much time had passed. After all, the cell was still cold, and damp, and clammy, and barely lit.
She wiped at her cheeks, feeling the dried tear stains. Jelensta looked down, and smiled watching Ilonka's sleeping form. She rubbed the back of Ilonka's hand gently to her cheek, and sighed at the touch.
"Jelensta…"
"Yes sweetie?" Jelensta's eyes opened and stared at Ilonka, but realized she had only been muttering in her sleep, and it made her eyes sting yet again.
For the longest time, she simply stared at Ilonka, trying to engrave her features into her mind so she'll remember them forever. Tears began to fall out of the corner of her eyes, but she didn't even notice. All she saw, was Ilonka. She was her world.
Jelensta kept trying to imagine herself continuing to live. Trying to imagine her life from this day forth…
But it just wasn't working.
The pain was too much.
She couldn't live without her.
There was nothing that would comfort her.
A world without Ilonka…
No.
Just, no.
No.
Slowly, the tears dried on Jelensta's face, as her face hardened, determination filling her eyes. "I'm gonna get you out, Ilonka… I promise you…" she whispered, watching Ilonka's sleeping form.
Slowly, she disentangled her fingers from Ilonka's, as she stood up, her head clear.
She knew what she had to do.
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Author's Note: Aww a whole chapter dedicated to Ilonka and Jelensta! Hope you guys aren't too disappointed since they both are just my OCs… but finally, now we know Jelensta's past with Syao! And yes, it is important... which you can kind of guess since, well, they are technically "divorced" in modern day language, haha. Which signifies… divorce is possible… ahem… hint hint… so yea… :P
And poor Syao… I'm sure most of you can guess his relationship with Sakura won't end pretty (not yet at least)… As always, Jelensta and Syao's past was meant to be a brief explanation which ended up… much longer and more dramatic than I had intended… :sigh: I need to learn to stop rambling and writing useless crap…
Today's my last day of my co-op job! And next next Monday my 3B term starts! :( Anyone feel like the more courses you take in school / co-op jobs you go through the LESS certain you are of what you want to do with your life…?
I feel kind of… sad. For my past two co-op terms I finished by going out with friends, but this term I left at kind of an odd day (Monday), and nobody's free… as I was clearing out my desk at 8pm in my office, all by myself, all kinds of nostalgia came flooding in as I threw out my documents one by one… a little depressed right now. And kind of feel like, well, an end to things. All 4 months. All done now. I will probably feel better later, but for now… a little sad.
8217 words! Back to the good ol' days when I wrote and wrote and just couldn't stop.