A/N: More goofiness ahead. Thanks so much for the lovely comments. I was nervous about posting such a wacky story so your thoughts were very much appreciated.

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Chapter 2: "The key to a solid marriage is laughter"*

"Children, if you need any help with wrapping Christmas presents after school, I know your mother has been perfecting her knots. She is particularly good at the reef knot." Georg kept his expression bland but he had a devilish look of amusement in his eyes, clearly remembering how he had been tied to the bed.

Maria did her best not to roll her eyes at her husband's subtle taunting. Only she knew the hidden meaning behind his words. He had been ceaselessly teasing her since their delightful and very enlightening afternoon a few days ago.

She could feel the blush rising in her cheeks for the hundredth time as she remembered the events that had led to her finding out about Governess number 4, and what had happened afterwards. Thankfully the children had no idea what their father might be referring to.

Georg continued his underhand teasing mercilessly. "But darling," he enquired innocently. "Are you sure we have enough ribbon? I believe you have been using the ribbon for 'other' purposes?"

He was quite the comedian, Maria thought crossly.

"I am sure we have enough," she responded evenly. Then she smiled sweetly, "Why don't you help us with the wrapping? Or will you be tied up later?" She watched with satisfaction when he choked on his coffee as he spluttered over his chuckle.

He recovered quickly enough. "I may have some time later. I have some things to do but I am not bound to them."

The children looked puzzled as he laughed, though by now they were used to their parents laughing over obscure things. Just the fact that their father laughed so much these days made them happy in itself.

He gave Maria an unrepentant smirk and then retreated back behind his morning paper. She was sure he was chuckling silently behind it.

Well she had another surprise in store for him once the children left for school. Let's see if he would still be laughing then, she huffed indignantly.

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Amid a flurry of kisses and hugs and excited chatter about the coming Christmas holiday, the children were bundled off to school. Maria headed to the kitchen to get what she needed.

She found it: a bowl with four big luscious-looking strawberries.

While Georg did not have much of a sweet tooth, he was partial to strawberries, as she had found out over the summer. She remembered his deep sighs of pleasure, especially when the strawberries were accompanied by champagne.

But strawberries in December were hard to come by. Maria and the gardener had only managed to find a few hard, white-green berries on the withered plants in the greenhouse. While the two of them had gazed dubiously at them, Maria had not given up. With cook's help and a lot of red food colouring they now looked authentic: plump, succulent, ripe, as if they were bursting with juicy sweetness.

She found Georg in the study and sat on his lap. "Darling I have another surprise for you. It's in the bedroom."

Georg's eyes darkened with hunger as she kissed him. "Indeed? Well lead the way my love. These engineering designs can wait."

In their room, he took off his suit jacket and tie and Maria made him lie on the bed. He clasped his hands behind his head as he waited. "Should I get the ribbons?" he asked with laughter in his voice.

"No need," Maria replied airily. "I have something better." She unveiled the bowl with a dramatic flourish.

"Strawberries?" His eyebrows rose in astonishment. "In December? It's er…too late for strawberries. And they aren't even blue."

"Blue?" Maria looked puzzled.

"Friedrich has a theory that when it gets cold they turn blue. But never mind. How on earth did you manage to get strawberries at this time of year? I knew you were an enchantress."

Maria smiled mysteriously. "Just tell me about another governess and they are all yours. Look how sweet, lush and juicy they are. For me they are like the taste of a gorgeous summer day."

She made a production of picking one up and smelling it as if it were ambrosia. Then she slowly bit into the end of it, tantalizingly, enticingly. She instantly regretted it. The sour taste was eye-watering. But she hid her wince and continued to pretend it was delicious.

Georg was hooked, she could tell. He was staring obsessively at her mouth, at her lips wrapped around the strawberry. He looked like a starving man with his first sight of food. She could tell his mouth was watering by the way he swallowed. He was completely speechless and she saw with satisfaction that his breathing had quickened.

"Mmm, mmm. Delicious," Maria murmured as if the taste was heavenly. Even though her instincts were to spit it out the bitter fruit she forced herself to swallow it. "Now governess number seven. Tell me about her."

"For heaven's sake Maria, still with this governess thing? Couldn't you see from governess number four, there's no point in dwelling on these things?"

"I loved the story of governess number four. She sounded perfectly wonderful. Now governess number seven….?"

She placed another strawberry near her mouth, tapping it softly against her lips. She could see his resistance ebbing away as his eyes were fixated on her mouth. He sighed in defeat.

"Alright, governess number seven hmmm? Let me think." Georg rubbed his chin with his thumb and finger.

"Ah yes. I remember now, and for the love of God, I wish I didn't. It was horrible. It's all coming back to me."

Maria put the strawberries on the bedside table and lay on the bed next to him, wrapping her arms around him. Her curiosity was piqued even more at his words.

"Her name was Mrs Doubtfire, Mrs Euphegenia Doubtfire."

"Doubtfire? That's an unusual name."

"Quite, and believe me she was an unusual lady," he grunted. "I suppose she was fine at the start, though she had this annoying habit of calling me Dearie and Poppet even though I told her many times to call me Captain. She was a surprisingly large lady with a soft Scottish brogue accent."

"Oh how lovely. A Scottish accent is so soothing. I could listen to it for hours."

"Hmmm. But she spoke it with a strange high-pitched trill. Even more oddly, once when she shouted – you know I can't abide shouting – her voice suddenly turned into this great booming baritone. And another time, she dropped something on her foot – and she swore, like a… like a…"

"Sailor? She swore like a sailor?"

"Yes, she practically turned the air blue. Thank goodness the children weren't around. It was most disconcerting to hear an old lady swearing like that. If I hadn't been so surprised I would have fired her on the spot. And she could drink like a sailor too. After the children were in bed she would down a whisky in seconds."

Maria listened, fascinated, as he continued.

"Things were fine for the first few days even though she was quite bizarrely unladylike. Louisa and the boys loved her because she could kick a soccer ball like a champion and run extraordinarily fast for such a big and rather elderly lady. She loved playing sport with the children and she would often sit with her knees far apart – very unladylike as I said. She was very warm and maternal with the children but after a while we started noticing even more peculiar things about her."

Maria's eyes were wide with curiosity. "How intriguing. Like what?"

"Well first Friedrich burst into my study one day. The poor boy was in a terrible state. He said that he had accidently barged into the bathroom when Frau Doubtfire was there and she was er….standing up."

"Standing up?" Maria echoed, puzzled.

"Yes, you know, standing up."

"Oh."

"Exactly what I said. It was most peculiar. I told Friedrich he must have been mistaken and to be more careful and always knock before opening the door. But it did seem odd."

"Go on."

"After that I started noticing other very unusual things about her too. In the evenings she would get a shadow across her face almost like….er…. stubble. I think the poor lady had a hormonal imbalance problem because I happened to be close enough to look at her face once and I could see the beginnings of a beard. It was confirmed later when I passed her in the hallway in the morning and she appeared to have remnants of shaving cream on her chin and cheeks."

"Oh, the poor thing," Maria said compassionately as she lay on his chest.

"But the worst thing was, one day I was following her up the stairs and she hitched up her long dress to avoid tripping over it. Oh Dear God! I can still picture it after all these years." He put a hand over his eyes as if to block out the horrifying image.

"She wasn't wearing stockings. She had the hairiest legs I have ever seen, other than on that gorilla at Vienna Zoo. She was completely hirsute, poor thing. Not her fault obviously but still…"

He paused as he felt Maria's body shaking against his chest.

"Maria are you crying?" His voice was tender as he stroked her hair and planted a gentle kiss on the top of her head. "That's very sweet of you. You always have such a soft heart. But I really don't think Frau Doubtfire was bothered by her problem. She seemed quite confident, audacious even."

Maria lifted her head, tears of laughter in her eyes, as she broke into helpless peals of giggles.

"You're laughing," he accused, affronted. "It's not funny. It's obviously not her fault, the poor thing, but Holy Mother of God, those images are still burned on my mind no matter how much I try to erase them."

Maria wiped the tears out of her eyes as she looked at Georg adoringly. She cradled his face and kissed him on the mouth. "Darling did it ever occur to you that maybe Frau Doubtfire might have been a man?"

"What? A man? Don't be ridiculous, of course she wasn't a man," Georg scoffed. "She wore dresses and she had a female shape. She was quite er…. buxom as it were. She wore that thick powdery stuff on her face - make-up. A lot of it. Layers and layers of it. Not every woman can be as naturally beautiful as you. It's a little uncharitable of you Maria," he frowned at her.

Maria continued to laugh at her clueless husband. "For such an intelligent man you can be astonishingly unperceptive when it comes to women. Think about it: she had evening stubble, she would swear and drink, she played sport like a champion and had no idea how to sit like a lady and she sometimes spoke with a deep voice. I am sure she must have been a man in disguise."

"A man?" Georg spluttered. "That's preposterous. Of course she wasn't a man. The very idea!" he snorted. "She was a woman. I'm sure of it."

Beneath the bluster he was faltering and Maria could see the dawning horror in his eyes as he tried to convince himself. "No it's not possible. Why on earth would a man dress up like a woman and want to be a governess? She was so loving with the children. She was most definitely a woman," he repeated again, but the certainty was gone from his voice which made Maria laugh even harder.

There was a silence while he tried to digest this and Maria tried to get her giggles under control. "But why the devil would a man do such a thing?" he muttered, appalled.

"Well perhaps he liked children, or needed the job, or maybe he was divorced and wanted to spend time with a family?"

"Divorced? This is not Henry VIIIth's England. You know divorce is illegal in Catholic Austria."

"You did say he or she was foreign." Maria stroked his cheek soothingly. "So what happened?"

"I started drinking again. I had stopped for a while, but oh god, after those legs…. My eyes, my eyes." He shuddered again.

Maria collapsed with laughter on his chest once more, and it was a while before she was calm enough to speak. "No I meant to Frau Doubtfire, what happened to him?"

"Eventually she…he resigned after about a week. She said that she wanted to pursue career in silent motion pictures. It seemed rather unlikely to me but I was just relieved to see the back of her….him. I didn't ask too many questions."

"Well thank you for telling me darling. Was it terribly difficult to re-live all that?"

"Yes it was rather."

Maria shifted her leg and guided his hand down to it. "Does this help?" she asked sympathetically, though her eyes were still sparkling with laughter, as he stroked the silky soft, smooth skin.

"Yes, that does help," he sighed blissfully. "Ah much better."

Maria smiled secretly to herself. The children had mentioned some of the other nannies' names to her and she tried to think how she would get more information out of her obstinate but sometimes malleable husband.

What were their names again? They were quite unusual. One was called Nanny MacPhee, … and what was the other one? Ah that's right: Mary Poppins.

She would have to come up with some more ideas, but she was interrupted in her thoughts by Georg.

"Now, let's have those strawberries." He reached for the bowl.

Oh dear. Maria hadn't thought this far in her plan. She hopped off the bed. She decided it might be best if she left the room.

"Er… let me just see if Franz has some champagne to go with them."

She was almost at the door when she heard the disgusted exclamation from Georg.

"Urgh. Maria, these are awful!"

She was just opening the door to flee when it was pushed firmly shut again by a masculine hand above her. For a big man, he could move surprisingly fast.

She turned around to look at him, trapped by his arms against the door, her face a picture guilt and mirth.

"You tricked me," he growled with mock outrage.

"Well you know it's far too late for strawberries. Whoever heard of strawberries at Christmas?" she defended herself as she started to giggle again.

Seeing the glint of revenge in his eyes, she ducked under his arm and fled towards the bathroom, laughing helplessly as he chased after her.

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A/N: If you have seen Mrs Doubtfire you will know that she/he was played by the beloved Robin Williams who was very hairy. If you haven't seen the film there's a youtube clip with Aerosmith playing 'Dude looks like a lady' with scenes from Mrs Doubtfire. It's great for a laugh.

May I wish all the readers and writers in the TSOM fanfic community Merry Christmas/ Happy Holidays, and a peaceful and joyful 2018.

*Wisdom from Mrs Doubtfire

I do not own TSOM or Mrs Doubtfire