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His heart pounding, Jack threw himself down the hill. His movements appeared to be reduced to wild fragments, each disjointed action connected only by the terrible desperate need to move forward. He tried to keep himself upright but the rain had made the grass slick. He felt his feet slide from under him and he found himself on his back. He cursed, and grunted; as he pulled himself up and began running again. As he got closer he could see that Ianto was attempting to climb the fence. The sound and shape of dark wings threatened to overcome him as he felt his life telescope into a singularity focused on his need to reach Ianto in time.
"Ianto!" he screamed out, desperate to get his attention, but his cry was drowned out by the squall. As he neared he could see Ianto had his foot on the second rung on the fence, trying to climb over, with a two hundred foot drop three steps past the fence.
Reaching him he wrenched him off, spinning him around and in one movement threw his arms around him.
Bewildered Ianto broke down. "Thank god you're okay," Jack burst out.
"Sorry, sorry, sorry I'll never do the bad thing again, Jack please, please, I'm sorry, sorry, sorry," Ianto mumbled the words in a fast staccato as Jack tried to comfort him. "I'll be good. I didn't mean to be bad. It just came out," Ianto cried into his shoulder. "I don't know how it came out. Please don't leave me alone in the dark."
"I'm here," Jack told him, still trying to catch his breath, his whole body trembling from the effort of his race down the hill.
"I tried to throw myself off the cliff, I don't want to live," Ianto cried out.
"Oh, god no," Jack grasped him even more tightly as a shiver of terror coursed through him.
Ianto lifted his face to look at Jack with wild eyes. "I love you Jack, please, please don't leave me," he begged
"You are my life," Jack told him vehemently looking into his eyes. "I am never going to leave you."
"I saw the blue box; it came, this isn't real," Ianto growled then struggled to push Jack away and falling to his knees.
Falling with him Jack held on to his upper arms. "This is real, Ianto," Jack bellowed over the heavy squall which now hit them full force.
"I'm making this up because I need Jack so much," Ianto yelled back over the wind.
"I am real," Jack shouted back, pulling him to his feet and shaking him in an effort to make himself understood over the howling wind.
"This can't be real the blue box came," Ianto yelled back as the wind and rain of the squall passed over them easing somewhat.
"I am here," Jack said. He put his hand on Ianto's right shoulder then took Ianto's hand and held it firmly in an effort to keep him faced away from the cliff.
Ianto looked at him bewildered as Geoff, followed by Tosh, now reached them. Geoff, deeply out of breath, put his hand his knees as Tosh skidded to a halt, panted heavily.
"This is not real." Ianto attempted to pull away again, twisting again towards the fence with more force.
"This is real, I'm real," Jack reiterated through gritted teeth.
Ianto began shaking his head. "No you are not real," he started to shout at Jack and took a step backwards. "You are in my head making me think you're real. It's a trick because I'm in the dark place," he screamed.
Jack looked around desperately not sure what to do. "Look, Tosh is here," Jack indicated with his head.
"I'm real." She moved forward and went put her arms around him.
"Tosh is in my dreams, so she would be here, because she was there with the bad man," Ianto stated loudly. Jack looked slightly taken aback and she exchanged a glance with Jack.
"Well what about him?" Tosh said thinking on her feet and pointing towards Geoff. "Has anyone been in your dreams you don't know?" she argued. Ianto looked at her, confused, and then shook his head. "Okay, then if this man is not in your dreams then this must be real." She saw Ianto study Geoff in the fading light.
"I don't know, I just need Jack, I need Jack, real Jack," he wept as Jack tightened his arms around him. Ianto buried his face back into Jack's shoulder.
Geoff watched as Jack continued to try and reassure Ianto he wasn't imagining this because he didn't want to face the reality that Jack was gone.
Shivering in his soaked light clothing, Geoff knew they needed to get moving. Ianto was in shock and Jack looked close to collapse. It was evident that Jack had used every ounce of his strength in his dash down the hill. He glanced towards the sea and could see in the fading light another squall was heading their way. The consequences of remaining out there were dire; the situation was not going to be helped by an emergency trip to the nearest hospital due to all of them collapsing from hypothermia. They needed to move back up the hill and soon.
"Jack," Geoff said loudly as the wind began to buffet them more strongly. "We need to move, and get indoors. Do we need to call for assistance to get Ianto back to the house?"
"Already coming," Tosh pointed out. They saw Sergeant McCredie, accompanied by David Morgan, heading down the hill towards them, their arms laden with what looked like blankets or coverings of some kind.
"I brought these," Sergeant McCredie stated as he placed a tartan travel blanket around Ianto's shoulders.
Jack felt a tiny change in Ianto; he tilted his head to watch Sergeant McCredie as he called on his radio to confirm they had found Ianto and to call off the search.
"Let's get you up the hill before the next big blow hits," Sergeant McCredie said in his best 'I'm not going to accept any argument' policeman's voice.
"Okay," Ianto said in a hesitant whisper as he looked at the Sergeant. Watching the interaction Jack realised that of all the people here he was the one Ianto was most like to respond to. He saw him as the ultimate good person protecting all those around him. He had taken a ride in his police car; something Jack knew Ianto had believed was a rare privilege and as a consequence could be trusted. He was also a local, someone not connected in any way to the past, along with David. Jack noted Ianto was watching with wary eyes but as each moment passed it appeared he was accepting this might be reality after all.
Completing his conversation on the radio, Sergeant McCredie put his arm around Ianto's left side as Jack moved to Ianto's right and together they made cautious steps away from the fence and made their slow way back up to the top of the field.
Moving Ianto was not easy; he was dazed, and mumbling. It was evident his co-ordination had gone because he had difficulty putting one foot in front of the other, It was an awkward, difficult climb as they manoeuvred him up the slope. Their feet kept slipping on the soaked grass which forced them to their knees on more than one occasion.
Reaching the farm gate where they had found the bucket, David opened the gate. It was raining heavily again and the wind began to batter them, as they now reached the place where the TARDIS had landed. Ianto broke down as they reached this point, and Jack felt him go limp and all five of them had to help him reach the back door.
As they neared the cottage Tosh raced ahead and opened the door then disappeared inside. On reaching it Jack thanked both David and Sergeant McCredie then moved Ianto through the kitchen. Seeing they were no longer required Sergeant McCredie told Jack he was remaining in the village on standby if required. He put his finger to his forehead and withdrew along with David.
In an organised ballet of coordination Jack, Geoff and Tosh now enacted the plan Jack had outlined as they had walked down the lane towards the cottage.
Standing in the kitchen shivering violently Ianto clung on to Jack, as with firm movements he began to peel the now soaked blanket away, followed by his dripping clothes. As he got Ianto to step out of his jeans, Tosh appeared with every towel in the linen closet. In the background Jack could hear Geoff working to make a round of hot drinks.
"Ianto likes hot chocolate. It will need to half milk, half water, with three teaspoons of sugar," Jack called out. He saw Geoff nod.
Wrapping several towels around Ianto he began to dry him vigorously as Tosh appeared with clothes. Ianto, unresisting, let out the occasional sob and sniff, not taking his eyes of Jack.
"Now get the duvet off the bed," he told her as she disappeared again. He saw Geoff measuring out milk in a mug then pour it into a saucepan.
Jack shook out a pair of sweat pants and laid them on the floor in such a way that Ianto could just stand into them and he pulled them up as the duvet arrived. Instructing him, Ianto obeyed mechanically. Jack's heart sank as he realised that Ianto had partially regressed to his blank state. He was pulling the top down the tee-shirt and pyjama top when Tosh delivered the duvet. Jack draped it around Ianto as Geoff appeared with mug of hot chocolate.
Before taking it Jack stripped down to his boxers and tee-shirt and Tosh threw a towel around his shoulders.
"You need to strip completely" Geoff told him but Jack ignored him and eased Ianto onto the floor of the lounge by the sofa. He didn't care if this looked strange; he knew that Ianto was most at home on the floor. Making sure the duvet was wrapped around him he now took the mug and tried to encourage him to take few sips. Tears continually flowed down Ianto's face and he struggled to take sips between sobs.
"Jack, I've made you a hot drink," Geoff indicated.
Jack ignored him as he placed it on the table. "Tosh, I want you to go to the pantry, there you will find a tin with sailing ships on it. Bring it to me with a desert spoon," Jack ordered as he encouraged Ianto to take a series of sips accompanied with soft words, unable to take break his gaze. He could feel his heart beating wildly in his chest and he fought to hold back the terrible darkness still crowding his own mind.
He felt a hand on his shoulder and glanced up to see Tosh had returned and was holding out the tin and spoon.
Both Geoff and Tosh watched as Jack opened the tin and removed a bottle.
"No," Ianto said as he saw the bottle maple syrup and began shaking his head.
"We only have this when you are very good," Jack assured him.
Ianto pushed Jack's hand away. "I was never good. The box came to take you away, because it's me who's bad inside …" he broke down as Jack held out the mug which Tosh took.
"So you saw the blue box. Did you see me go into the blue box?" Jack asked him now pulling back and lifting Ianto's chin.
"No, but I saw the blue box and I heard you talking, then it was gone and you were gone. I looked and looked at the place where it was. I looked really carefully but it had come and gone with you inside," Ianto told him.
"I didn't go, Ianto. I'm right here," Jack pulled Ianto towards him and just he held him close. A few moments passed and Jack felt the towel being removed and a blanket was placed around his shoulders.
"You did like the man in grey. I was bad, I didn't do a bad thing because I'm bad," Ianto said trying to form his thinking into words. "I tried so hard to think what bad thing I had done, but I couldn't think. Then I had this really big thought, and I knew you hadn't lied there was no bad thing. I'm bad deep inside every part of me is bad so it just came out and, and," he said in breaths as he looked at Jack whose eyes were filled with tears. "You were gone. I knew I was going to be alone in the dark and there was no being safe anymore. I don't want to live without you, no more home, no more anything. I can't live without you Jack…." Jack broke down now and took Ianto's hand and held it to his face.
"Oh Ianto…" He tried to say more words kept forming but he found it impossible to speak. He knew no assurance he could give him was going to make this any better.
As he watched the unfolding drama Geoff had both hands wrapped around the mug he was holding and took a sip of hot tea to warm him. Ianto was beyond distressed; bewildered and for some reason he could not explain Jack appeared to be paralyzed. He felt impotent to help, all his years of training had never prepared him for anything like this. An immortal and his lover seeming locked in some kind of tragic dance.
He mentally berated himself to stop thinking like that because regardless of the circumstances they were just two people. To focus he found his gaze falling to the sofa where just a short time ago he and Jack had been talking. He put down his mug, took a step and picked up the drawing. This was not about any strange and weird events. The issue here was Ianto did not know who Jack was. Jack was the 'Man in Grey'; Jack had left, leaving Ianto bereft. He had seen the TARDIS again, and if he understood that Jack was the 'Man in Grey' Ianto might get angry but they could then explain that the TARDIS was not the vehicle of doom it was being portrayed as. It would become a simple means of conveyance, nothing more.
If Ianto knew the truth Geoff was sure this would resolve the matter. Jack could explain why he had left, and he had been here all the time caring for him. He felt a small glow of warmth; this was therapy in action he told himself. He could, use the circumstances and create a breakthrough for both men, Ianto's deep fears of loss being countered by Jack's reassurance that he loved him. Jack's big secret would be out and they could both move forward all neatly sewn up in one event.
Moving quietly he leaned over and then knelt down beside Jack and put his hand on his shoulder. "You need to tell him, Jack."
"Tell him what?" Jack stuttered as he looked up at Geoff.
"Who you are." He handed the drawing to Jack.
Jack looked at him as his whole being begin to disintegrate. Ianto looked, startled, between Jack and Geoff.
"Look at him Jack, tell him the truth, about the 'Man in Grey'," he encouraged.
"I knew it! This is all a big lie none of this is really real. I need Jack, the real Jack, I need him." Ianto started to back away.
"This is real Ianto," Geoff now went on his knees as Jack stared at him, his jaw dropped in horror.
"I knew this was a trick, a nasty horrible trick. When I saw Mr Morgan and Sergeant McCredie I thought this must be real but it isn't, is it? Jack has really run away and I'm going to be taken away to the bad place."
"No Ianto, Jack needs to tell you…" Geoff started to explain. He saw Ianto begin to lose control, shaking his head violently from side to side.
"I can't, "Jack stammered interrupting him loudly as the darkness that had been threatening came closer and the ground underneath him shifted. A dark chasm opened up in his mind as the effect of Ianto's pleas hit him like physical blows.
"I think you must, only telling him the truth will help. Once he understands he will calm down," Geoff insisted.
"Please, I need real Jack, real Jack, real Jack, need Jack, I need him, I need Jack, need him," Ianto now begged rocking himself.
"You don't understand…" Jack stuttered barely able to speak the words as a wave of disorientation gripped him
"Ianto needs to know the truth Jack, it will help." Jack shook his head. "Not knowing is causing him harm. I'm here; use me, use this opportunity to tell him. I can do this but I think this would be better coming from you," Geoff said strongly.
Jack felt his face go numb and he began to tremble. He felt the abyss move closer and the tiny thread in him that had enabled him to hold on all these months parted. In desperation he moved forward in an attempt to gather Ianto in his arms, a final embrace before his terrible secret was exposed and he lost Ianto's love forever, he just needed to hold him….
Geoff felt and saw Jack slump forward, his arms outstretched in an attempt to embrace Ianto. He waited for words to follow and several seconds passed and he realised it was not hesitation causing Jack to be silent. With trembling hands he felt for a pulse; it was faint and reedy. Further examination made it clear Jack was alive but totally unresponsive and was insensible to any pain response. Geoff sat back momentarily and looked at Tosh who was trying to remain calm.
"What's happened?" Tosh asked trying to keep her voice steady as fear curled in her belly.
"Jack's collapsed," he said quietly still coming to terms with what had happened and he stood slowly, blinking. He stepped back as Ianto now started to rock himself with more force, his hands around his knees with Jack lying pressed up against him.
"Collapsed?" she repeated not sure she understood.
"Mental collapse of some sort," he said as much to himself as to Tosh.
"A what?"
"Oh god what have I done?" Geoff said under his breath.