7
"Roomie! Roomie! You up?" Jennifer asked.
"Huh, uh, yeah, I guess so," Lili blinked a few times. The alarm was going off. She turned it off.
"What's, um, what's happening?"
"I got a note from Fra-ank!" Jenny exclaimed.
"Oh. The hot planetary geologist?"
"The very same."
"So, how's life on Enceladus?"
"Oh, not the same without me, he's so sweet! He said he sees Saturn's rings every morning."
"Well, I imagine he would, Jenny, seeing as Enceladus is a moon of Saturn."
"Yeah, well, it got him thinking. And he said the ring made him realize he wanted to give me a ring! Roomie, I'm engaged!"
"Ha, that's fantastic, Jenny!"
Jenny lunged at Lili to hug her. Lili had never felt that close to her, but smiled and hugged her back. "Oh, you know, I feel just a tiny bit bad," Jenny said.
"Bad? How's that possible?"
"Well, you don't have anyone. I don't want to make you feel bad or anything."
"That's, that's kind of you. But I'm all right."
"Lili, I know you and I aren't close, but I still don't want you to be depressed. And as I plan the wedding, it might feel like I'm rubbing your nose in things."
"You're not and you won't. It's fine," Lili started to put on her chef's whites.
"Hmm, I should fix you up with someone. Before I become Mrs. Frank Ramirez and all," Jenny thought for a while. "How about MacKenzie? He's kinda smokin'."
"I am old enough to be his mother," Lili said, rolling her eyes.
"And I bet you could teach him a thing or two. Really, it'll be fun, we'll go to Movie Night, and we'll sit together, and then I'll just say I have a headache or something and oops! Suddenly, you're alone with The Mad Scotsman."
"You have been planning this, I see."
"Oh, c'mon, it'll be fun. They're gonna show this movie called Gaslight. It's supposed to be about this guy trying to convince his wife that she's going crazy. It's, uh, mid-twentieth century. I think it's even in black and white."
"No. Thank you. I have to go anyway," Lili checked messages quickly. "Ah, another dinner, I see. I have to plan this today. I can't be thinking about Scottish guys in the Tactical Department."
"Not even just one?" Jennifer teased.
"No. Besides, what if he has Mommy issues?" Lili leaped out before Jennifer could answer.
=/\=
Doug got to the Bridge right on time. Commander Tucker was talking to the Empress. "Ah, good, you can get in on this." Tucker said, by way of greeting.
"Oh?"
"We got sensor problems. Lots of 'em. I am thinkin' at least half of the ones we thought were barely passable aren't any more. We probably stressed 'em too much." Tucker said.
"Can we move them around? Make do, and just not have working sensors in some less critical part of the ship?" the Empress asked.
"We'll need them for targeting," Doug said, "Can't have any halfway measures there."
"Agreed," said the Empress. "Surely there's somewhere that we can borrow from?"
"Huh. We can probably get rid of a few of the redundant sensors in Life Support." Tucker said.
"Is that wise?" Doug asked.
"Well, I don't see any other option, Old Man." Tucker said.
"Can't you fix some of them?" Mayweather asked.
"Travis!" the Empress exclaimed. "I am working."
"Actually, can't you fix some of them?" asked Doug.
"A few. Maybe. We have no schematics, nothing we haven't sketched ourselves. This ship didn't exactly come with an Instruction Manual."
"Are we gonna have enough to fly the ship and shoot phasers? That's all I care about. Everything else, we can be blind for all I care." the Empress said.
"Yeah, I think so." Tucker said, "But no shooting for at least a few days. We gotta go through all of 'em, see just how bad it all is. So, um, stay out of a war for a little while, okay?"
"Sure." the Empress said, "How are your bluffing skills, Old Man?"
"Okay, I guess," Doug said.
=/\=
Lili got through the breakfast rush unscathed. French toast for almost ninety people and one curious beagle. She'd have maybe a half an hour before the lunch rush would begin. At least the Executive dinner that night would be far less elaborate. She started up her PADD and typed. 'Service record: Jay Hayes.'
The computer pulled up a picture.
"There you are." she whispered. "But you're a little greyer now, and your hair's parted on the side."
Chef was coming back into the kitchen. She quickly turned off the PADD.
=/\=
"That ship is hailing us, First Minister."
"All right. Let us begin."
=/\=
"This is Captain Jonathan Archer of the Starship Enterprise."
"I am First Minister Chawev. May the light of Lo shine upon you."
The Captain gestured to cut sound for a moment. "How do I answer that?" he glanced over at Hoshi.
"Say something about there being not a lot of light from Ub."
"Okay, sound back on, please." He cleared his throat a little. "And may the light of Ub be diminished."
"That is our wish as well. We are called Calafans, the people of Lafa. I recognize the Vulcan female or rather her species. They have been here before and our memories of them are good ones. You are?"
"We are called humans," Jonathan said, "We are from a planet called Earth. We are here to explore and establish peaceful relations."
"And, I suppose, gain a small strategic advantage from our position." The First Minister smiled. He was milky white in color, including long, flowing white-blond hair, with crystal blue eyes and silvery scrollwork markings up and down both arms.
"Well ..."
"I am sorry. We are used to plain speaking here. I must show better manners. I would invite you down, but my wife is very ill."
"Maybe we can help. We have a skilled doctor on board," Jonathan offered.
"It is, it is our way to have our people treated by our own. But we appreciate your kind offer. May I speak with you tomorrow? I am also caring for my children while my wife is being treated."
"It must be a lot to do," Jonathan said, "Tomorrow is, is good." He cut the communications line. "What was that all about?"
"Maybe he had to go pick up his kids from Little League," Travis said.
"Hopefully tomorrow his schedule won't be quite so full," Jonathan said.
=/\=
"That ship has been in range for over a day. What are they waiting for, First Minister?"
"I cannot say." The First Minister scratched his arm. It was reddish brown and covered with coppery scrollwork markings.
=/\=
"Ready?" Doug asked the Empress.
"Let's do this," she said. He opened the Hailing Frequency for her. "This is the Defiant, flagship of the Terran Empire."
"I am First Minister Chawev." came the reply. "May the light of Ub shine upon you."
"Surrender now and avoid damage." the Empress threatened.
"What if my people refuse?" asked Chawev.
"Then we will start destroying your cities, one by one. You have four – " the Empress glanced over at Doug who gestured for five. " – five days before we start shooting. Out."
"That went well," she said, "Travis, you're gonna be busy for a while. Doug, no interruptions unless they surrender."
"Of course, Empress."
=/\=
Lili wheeled the cart back into the main conference room. Now it was the entire Executive group, including Tucker and Reed. She began handing out sandwiches. "Tuna melt for you, Ensign. Pastrami for the Captain, uh, Ham and Swiss on unseeded rye for Lieutenant Reed. Turkey for the doctor, seitan in a pita for Commander T'Pol, Philly Cheesesteak for Ensign Mayweather and a chicken salad on a croissant for Commander Tucker. Salads, too, help yourselves. It's family style," she said, grabbing her grilled cheese on a bagel and sitting down.
"Ensign, we are back here because of not only what we were talking about yesterday, but we feel this may be becoming a tactical issue." The Captain said, not even waiting for everyone to finish eating.
"Well, sir, I would ask that not everyone on the ship be informed of what's going on. I mean, it's my private life."
"True, but we are concerned." T'Pol said, "It is not logical that Major Hayes would be back from the dead."
"No, it's not," Lili allowed. "He tells me he's from another universe."
"That is one possible explanation." T'Pol said, "But there are other explanations."
"We don't think it's a time shift," Jonathan said, "At least, I don't think it is, because of the, of the doctor's findings."
"Let's not get into too many specifics, okay?" Lili asked. "Brownie, anyone?"
"Oh, those do look good." Lieutenant Reed said, "It is, well, there's a possibility that it's an attempt to get some sort of information out of you. I, I don't mean to be indelicate, but by creating a reasonable facsimile of the Major – a familiar person – making him interested in you – and then you could very well be putty in his hands. Or at least that would be the plan, I suppose. Oh, this is rather good. Did you make these, Ensign?"
"Yes, I did. And, um, he hasn't asked me anything tactical. I mean, what would I know anyway? All I do is cook."
"Even if he just asked you where the ship is going, or how fast it's going, those could give him an advantage. We don't know much about the Calafans." Tucker said.
"The very high presence of testosterone seems to indicate that this facsimile may have been created by somehow altering Klingon DNA," Phlox offered.
"You've already decided that Doug is a facsimile?"
"Who's Doug?" Hoshi asked.
"The Major's name was not Doug, it was Jay." Reed said.
"Doug is him. He is Doug. And he looks like, like Major Hayes, because in another universe, he is Hayes. But there are differences. And the name is one of them."
Hoshi typed away on her PADD. "Wait a second," she said. She pulled up Hayes's service record and read from the PADD. "Jay Douglas Hayes. Born December 5th, 2102. There's a lot more of course."
"He said his middle name was Jay. So he's Douglas Jay, and the one from here, he was Jay Douglas," Lili pointed out.
"Ensign, are you being asked to provide compromising information?" T'Pol asked, point blank.
"No. No, I'm not. We don't talk about work. He asks me what food I make, sometimes, to make conversation. And he tells me about his work sometimes. He says they're having problems with their sensors. But I don't know anything else."
"Are you absolutely certain?" Jonathan asked. "I – this is an awkward situation. No one here wants to judge. And this is all going to stay completely confidential. We just worry that you're being fed a line of bull."
"I see you're all terribly concerned about me," Lili said, rising.
"No, it's not just for tactical reasons that we are concerned." Reed said, "If you were my sister, I would not want you to be hurt. Hayes was – he and I were not friends. But we gained a grudging respect for one another, and he died a hero. I know that Jay Hayes would not try to hurt you."
"But nobody knows who – or what – Doug Hayes is," Jonathan said, "This might be as romantic and beautiful as you believe it is. I hope that it is, for your sake."
"Th-thank you," Lili said, looking down. "You, you don't understand. We have a real connection. He is – Doug is – I can't explain. Not without just spilling everything. And I won't do that unless you can come to me with conclusive proof that he is some, some facsimile, and this is only being done to gain some sort of a tactical or negotiating foothold. And, by the way, if that were the case, why exactly was I targeted? Why not pick even my roommate? I don't run the ship, I don't service Life Support, I don't pilot, I don't fire the weapons or anything. If someone's trying to gain an advantage, they made an awful decision as to who to target, yes?"
=/\=
While the Empress and Mayweather were otherwise occupied, Doug surreptitiously opened a PADD at his console. He typed: 'Service Record: Lili O'Day'. Nothing. 'Service Record: Charlotte O'Day'. Nothing. 'Service Record: Lilienne O'Day.' Nothing. Hmm. 'All Records: O'Day'. Approximately 77,000 hits. 'All Records: O'Day, last fifty years.' Approximately 53,000 hits. 'All Records: O'Day, last fifty years. House fire.' One record. Cautiously, he opened it. There were pictures of a destroyed home. And the news report was a grim one. 'Titan: June 12, 2118. Four members of a family were killed today when a kitchen fire went out of control. The dead are Peter O'Day, his wife, Marie Helêne Ducasse O'Day, and their two children, Declan, aged 7 and Charlotte Lilienne, aged 9.' He clicked on a picture.
"Oh, you," he said softly, and closed the PADD before anyone else could see what he was doing.
8
When the meeting finally ended, everyone but Malcolm Reed left.
Lili looked up as she put the used dishes back on the cart. "Sir?"
"May I speak with you, Ensign?" he asked.
"Uh, I guess so. But I'm still working. I'm not done until the dishes are out of the sanitizer."
"Can we talk while you go back to the kitchen, then?"
"Long as it's not too private," she said, "Make sure the door stays open for me, please?"
They walked into a hallway. "Ensign, I just, I want you to know that I, when we were talking about not wanting you to be hurt, well, I truly meant it."
"I, uh, thank you, Lieutenant," Lili guided the cart along.
"It's just, it, well, may I ask you something?"
"I suppose."
"Like I indicated, I didn't know Major Hayes too well. I know nothing of his private life or his innermost thoughts. We always and only talked about work," Malcolm said, "What is, what is this iteration like? If that's not too personal a question, that is."
"That's fine," Lili said, "He's very attentive, very intelligent. When we talk, he seems to be interested in what I do. Things like that."
"What, uh, what does he do?" Malcolm then visibly reddened. "I, I mean for work. Not other things. I don't mean to offend."
"No, huh, that's okay." They had arrived at the kitchen. "Actually, Lieutenant, he has your job now."
"Oh, interesting." Malcolm kept the kitchen door open as Lili got the cart inside and wheeled it over to the sanitizer. "I wonder what my counterpart is doing there. If I have one, that is."
"Yeah, it's strange, sort of makes you wonder what would happen if things were tipped in some slightly different direction, and circumstances were changed. Would you still be you?" Lili asked, while loading dishes into the sanitizer.
"Precisely." Malcolm started to help her.
"No, wait, um, put it in the other way. See the teacup handle? Down and to the left," Lili pointed out. "There, that's right. Thanks for helping; I usually do this myself."
"It's unfortunate that you don't have any helpers."
"Well, that's just it. I'm the helper," Lili said, "You remember, the Xindi War broke out and the ship had to be cleared of redundant personnel. Chef used to have a saucier, a Pastry Chef and a Sous-Chef. Those jobs were all combined into mine when I came on board. And that's when Doug – I mean, Jay – got here, too."
"I confess I did not care for him much when he first arrived," Malcolm said, smiling wanly. "But I learned that he was very competent and thorough. Well-respected by the men and women under his command. And certainly capable of not only my job but probably most jobs on board, except in Engineering."
"Yes, you have to be a kind of special person to be in Engineering, I think," Lili said, "My roommate, when she talks about work, I don't know what she's saying half the time."
"Your roommate is Jennifer Crossman, yes?"
"Yep, the Redheaded Bombshell."
"Oh, I, I hadn't noticed."
"Lieutenant, everyone notices."
=/\=
Doug walked back to his quarters. Tripp Tucker fell in beside him. "I got news for you." Tucker said.
"Oh? Did I ask for news?"
"No. But this you want to hear, Old Man."
"Funny you should call me that, seeing as you're probably going to go before I do, Tucker."
"Maybe. Anyway, interesting that you tossed the Bombshell out and threw her to the grabby Scotsman. 'Course I wouldn't kick her outta bed myself, but I can see why you might do that."
"You? Tucker, I thought you only had a thing for alien tail."
"Yeah, T'Pol had a nice, huh, bit of allover padding." Tucker admitted. "She's – Crossman – going around saying she kicked you out and whipped you enough to get you to bring her stuff over to MacKenzie's. But I know better."
"Oh, you do? And this matters to you how, exactly?"
"Not too much. But I recognize a finesse move when I see it. You force her hand and push her to the kid before they've really solidified their alliance. And you win either way, as either they bicker so much that the alliance falls apart, or they do it like bunnies so often that they don't have the time to conspire."
"What makes you think anyone's conspiring anything?" Doug asked, knowing the answer but asking anyway.
"Ha, you're not that naive." Tucker said, "Every single person here is on the make, and Porthos would be if he were sentient enough. They're looking to do both me and you in, and take control of two departments. Then they'll bring the power together, bring in any other groups they can – Security if they can swing it – and make a run at the Empress herself."
"Don't say that about the Empress," Doug said quietly.
"Yeah, yeah, I know everyone is listening. You're too paranoid, Old Man."
"You get paranoid in my position," Doug replied.
"Maybe so. See, when you're like me, you can throw caution to the wind. I just don't give a damn. I'd rather die better, but if I die worse, it's not gonna be much worse and it's not gonna be much earlier, I figure."
"Why are we having this conversation?"
"Two reasons. First, I like learning from a master although the fact that they can conspire in private when not burning up the sheets is a troublesome flaw in your plan."
"Yeah, I've thought of that," Doug admitted. "What's the other reason?"
=/\=
"Be that as it may," Malcolm said, "I do agree. The Engineers definitely speak a different language than you or I. May I ask, what do you think you will do when this connection with Hayes ends?"
"Uh, what?" Lili turned away. "Damn onions." she muttered although the onions were on the other side of the room and were not what was making her eyes tear.
"Surely you've realized. Oh, my. I have really put my foot in it," Malcolm said, "I'm sorry. That was rather boorish of me to inquire."
"No, no, I'm okay," Lili said. She wasn't. "I, uh, I've been thinking about it, and the answer is: I have no idea. I just hope it doesn't end."
"I think I can understand that," Malcolm said, "I apologize for bringing it up. That was insensitive of me. You, if I were in your position I suppose I would feel the same."
"No one's been in this position before, Lieutenant."
"Call me Malcolm. And, and let me know, when, uh, when you are ready, uh, afterwards, if you like to talk. I've been told I'm a good listener when I'm not placing my foot in things."
Lili smiled slightly, the half-smile that wasn't much of a smile at all, which she used when she didn't really feel like smiling but it was somehow expected of her. "I, um, I think that's generous of you, Lieu–, uh, Malcolm. Look, I'm done here. I need to get to my quarters and get some rest."
"And see Hayes?"
"If I'm lucky, yes."
"Then I hope that you are very lucky."
=/\=
"Okay, so the other reason is, I got little to lose, but you've got a lot at stake. You could use a friend." Tucker said.
"I don't have friends," Doug said, although that had not been strictly true for the past few days.
"Of course." Tucker said, "A bit of protection, then. I watch your back a bit, when I can. I can definitely keep Crossman occupied with endless diagnostics and schematics. God knows they're needed anyway."
"Yeah, I heard about that."
"Stupid database."
"It was the Empress's decision," Doug said, "So by definition it wasn't stupid."
"Yes, yes, I know the Party Line as well as you do, Hayes. But it really was stupid. Erasing all the older records is one thing. I can see not wanting to be able to check out your counterpart in that other universe. But that's as far as it should've gone. Maintenance logs, system specifications, even the recipe for Chicken Noodle Soup! All gone and completely irretrievable. Stupid."
"Swiss cheese database," Doug nodded. "I suppose I can occasionally occupy MacKenzie with a few sensor checks. Can't promise anything though, given that he's on the overnight shift."
"Understood." Tucker said, "I'm not gonna be around too much longer. I figure I might not see New Year's Day. So after that, you're on your own. Just, uh, just get it so I can die in my own bed. And without a dagger sticking in any part of me, okay?"
9
She was wearing a black leather skirt, black boots and a blue sweater that was off her shoulders. Doug ran toward her. "You look beautiful," he said, kissing Lili and instantly changing from a tee and boxers to a black suit he'd once seen in a shop window on Iapetus.
"Thank you." She smiled at him.
"Any place special we're going, all dressed up like this?"
"I don't know. Just thought it would be good to look good. What was your day like? I made apple fritters. Half of them didn't turn out so good, but the dog is really, really happy."
"I bet your screwups are better than most of the stuff I've been eating for the past decade," he said, "I didn't do much. You know, sensors and all that. Thought of you all day."
"Oh, really? Well, I thought of you, too. But I think we really should work. At least a little bit." she grinned. "Walk with me?"
"Sure." he took her hand, and the scene changed to a New England autumn in full color. "I, you didn't tell me you had a little brother."
"Probably because I never did."
"Uh, never told me or never had a brother?"
"Well, both. Where are you getting the idea I have a brother?" Lili asked.
"Oh, well, I checked out your counterpart. I hope you don't mind."
"Actually, I did the same today. Go on. But, um, tell me, is she like, in prison or something? You look a little odd."
"Well, no," Doug said, "She's got the same problem here that I have over there in your universe."
"When and where did she die? Wait, I'm not sure I want specifics."
"That house fire you told me about."
"Oh. And my – uh, her – brother? Did he make it?"
"No."
"Was he, like, a little baby?" she asked, feeling it despite herself.
"Seven years old."
"Oh, man. I just – yanno – I obviously could never have known him, but I still feel strange about the whole thing. Uh, can I ask why you were looking at the record anyway?"
"I, uh, I wanted to see if there were any pictures. Didn't want to meet her or anything. She is not you," Doug assured her.
"What did you find?"
"Just one photograph that wasn't from the disaster. You – uh, she – must have been home from school. A little girl and her mother. Her, uh, her face had a flower painted on the side. The little girl, that is."
"S'funny. That is one of my best, most vivid memories of my mother. We went to a fair and I got my face painted. It was about three weeks before the fire."
Doug held Lili. "Sounds like a good memory."
"Why, uh, why were you looking? Really," Lili asked.
"I, um, I wanted to have a picture of you, like I said. Because when this connection ends, I won't have much else left," he said, burying his nose in her hair and inhaling a slight scent of apples.
"What?" Lili asked, a little alarmed.
"Surely you don't think this is going to go on forever? I figure this is a delicate connection. It's going to break at some point in time, like everything else on this ship. I, I don't want it to. Just want to be prepared for the inevitable."
"Reed mentioned the breaking to me today, too. Or maybe he was hitting on me. I don't know; he never did that before."
"Huh, I'm kind of surprised he hasn't done that before. The Reed I knew really had a thing for blondes."
"Since you have his job, where is he now, Doug?"
"He's, um, he's another one who's dead on this side of things."
"Wow. It's like almost everyone I know is dead there. What about Jennifer Crossman?"
Doug blanched. "How do you know her?"
"She's my roommate. How do you?"
"She was, uh, I should confess something. Up to a few days ago, she was living with me."
"Oh," Lili let that sink in. "What happened?"
"Whaddaya think? You happened."
"That feels really weird to me. Particularly seeing as she's so gorgeous."
"Really? I definitely don't notice. Not anymore." he kissed her.
"Doug, I was thinking," Lili said, after coming up for air. "I, I know this hasn't been happening for a lot of time. We've known each other for a good five days."
"Best week of my life." he smiled at her.
"Yes, and if, um, if this connection is going to end, well, I was thinking, what if – if you would have me – if I were to somehow come over there? To your side of things."
"Lili, I don't think that's a good idea at all."
=/\=
"First Minister, we will need to determine whether they are advanced enough to have a transporting device."
"I will get onto their ship tomorrow and check for myself." Chawev said, "Don't worry."
=/\=
"Oh," Lili broke away from his grasp.
"I, uh, wait. I don't mean like I don't want you to be near. I, I do," he said, "But this place, this side of things, this is no place for you."
"I'm not as delicate as you seem to think I am."
"You probably aren't, and you probably think I'm being grossly unfair."
"You are."
"Well, I don't know about that," Doug said, "I don't think you'd have a place here."
"I cook for a living. I can work anywhere."
"I'm sure that's true on your, your side of the, of the pond, as it were. It's not work that I'm talking about."
"How different can it be?"
"Lili, you don't get it. I know something about your side. You're gentler, softer, sweeter and kinder than any of us can ever hope to be. Look," he took her hand again, "let me tell you what my typical day is really like. And I mean really."
"Okay."
"I hear the alarm and I get up and I shave and put on my uni. Strap on a sidearm and a dagger and an extra one in my left boot. No one knows about that one except for you – Jennifer didn't even know, and she and I lived together for over a year. I get into the halls and look around to make sure nobody's out to bother me. Grab a cup of whatever slop they have for breakfast. Get to the Bridge. Get instructions from the Empress. She usually disappears for a few hours with her boy toy, so I run things. Make sure no one's shooting at us. Work for six hours, then grab another cup of slop and come back for another round of waiting to be shot at. This is all the easy part. Finish a few hours afterwards and go back into the halls, where the chances are a lot higher that someone will take their shot at me. Grab a few platefuls of a slightly less gooey slop, then get back to my quarters, lock myself in and read until it's time to sleep. And then I see you and I put the rest of it out of my mind until the next morning when I get to do it all over again."
Lili looked stricken. "Can't you just quit or something? Or retire?"
"Sadly, no. No one leaves these jobs. Actually, wait, there are exactly three ways to leave a job at my level: you die in battle, you die of some disease, or you're killed by an underling trying to get a promotion."
"I, I can understand the first one. You're a soldier – of course it's possible," Lili said, "And the second is awful but not unexpected – certainly no stranger than how my, my parents died. But the third. Man. You are, you're high-ranking, aren't you?"
"I'm fourth in command. It's just the Empress, her boy toy First Officer, and the Head of Engineering ahead of me."
"So, um, if underlings kill in order to get ahead, that, uh, that means you did that, too?" Lili asked, looking at Doug with shining eyes. "Doug, tell me the truth. Are you – are you a killer?"
=/\=
We can get into position tomorrow or the night after, First Minister."
"Good." Chawev said.
=/\=
He nodded slightly, a barely perceptible movement.
"Tell me," she said, "how, how many?" she trembled.
"Lili, any, any number is going to be too many, I can tell. I, uh, we both know this connection will break at any time. Let me make things easier for you, and break it myself. Even if I dream about you, I can will myself to dream about something else, just like I willed myself into a suit that I never owned. You, you won't have to worry about me anymore. All I ask is one thing."
"Hmm?"
"I, oh, let me touch you, hold you, for just a little while, right now. And I'll say the number and I'll just go and you can be, you can be free of this, and go have fun with Reed or whoever." He was a little surprised that she acquiesced to him holding her. She said nothing but he could feel her breathing and it was troubled. He kissed her right temple and then whispered in her ear. "Fourteen."
Her breath caught. "Do you, do you remember any of them?"
"Before I started dreaming about you, I dreamed plenty about them," he said, "Donnelly, Harris, Shapiro, Sulu – I remember all of them."
"At least you do. Can I, can I tell you something?"
"Anything," he said.
"I don't come in here with completely clean hands, either."
"Surely you aren't this way."
"Doug, when I was in Cooking School, they made sure we learned where all of our food comes from. So we didn't just farm and garden. We also hunted and fished. And we slaughtered barnyard animals. I cut the heads off chickens and used those little laser gun things to shoot hogs between the eyes. I Kosher killed a cow. Do you know how to Kosher kill a cow?" she asked.
He shook his head grimly.
"You slit its throat. And I, I messed up. You're supposed to get the windpipe, but I got the carotid artery. Cow's blood was everywhere."
"Lili, you killing animals is not the same thing. They're not as sentient."
"I know. But there is one time. It was during the Xindi War. You had that, yes?"
"Definitely. I fought in it."
"Well, they boarded the ship once. Insectoids. They were going from place to place. I'm sure they wanted to kill all of us. They came into the kitchen."
"So you used your sidearm?" he asked.
"I had forgotten it. Which was dumb but not a huge problem. Kitchens are loaded with weapons."
"Meat cleaver?"
"Cast iron skillet. Let's just say I squashed a bug and leave it at that. And I, I felt so guilty that, once we'd made peace with them –"
"You made peace with the Xindi? We didn't. We, um, the Empire committed genocide. I doubt there are more than a thousand Xindi left of any species."
"Oh, my," Lili gulped. "I, I contacted her – it was a she – her family. Can't recall how I found them. I wrote and I apologized. And her daughter wrote back and was surprisingly kind. They, they don't live very long, anyway, so she said it wasn't too long before her mother's time anyway, and her mother was a dedicated soldier and so she went the way she wanted to."
"Apologizing here is a sign of weakness. I, I am finding that I can say to you that I'm sorry. But not to anyone else," Doug said.
"Do you still want to go?" she asked.
"No. I never did. It's about what you want. Tell me if you, if you want me to leave."
"Like I said, I'm not as delicate as you think."
"I can see that. But you still won't really have a place on this side of the pond."
"Then there's only one thing to do," she said.
"Yes?"
"You'll need to come here."