Author's Note: Last exam in 5 hours! But gonna upload this story now 'cause after exams gonna go out till late, then pack up, prolly till 1-2am, then leaving for airport by 8am on August 12th. Rush rush rush rush rush. Be back on the 30th. I sincerely this story will not be on hiatus after I get back, considering how close it is to the end!
The last chapter is (expectedly) turning out to be wayy too long so, gonna be split into 2 chapters. -.- Gotta stop with these chapter splits!
Enjoy!
)Ree-Vance( - Bahh, Sakura's kinda known for running away a lot, huh… n.n; Haha, thanks, I'm glad you enjoyed it! Despite it being filler-ish I always love writing about Lilia and Reyn :3
)AngelNguyen1( - Oooh good you still remember that tidbit about Touya and Kaho… Yes, that shall become important later… :)
)Kappuccino Kat( - Thank you! And thanks for leaving your email in the right format! :O
)Vivace( - You and I both… even as I wrote it/reread it I was thinking "oh God Lilia just be with Reyn already"! But… it's essential to the plot… :( don't worry, everything will "wrap up" more or less... I feel like it'll all happen really quickly though, haha.
)HappyHam( - Yup… Wanted is almost done too, actually just 2 more chapters after this. (Phew, end of a what—6 year story?) O.o has it been that long since I updated you almost forgot it?
)Ayunli( - Mmm, well, I was trying to get thing to move faster. Even with the current pace I feel the story is taking wayyyy too long, maybe that's why? It's reaching the end I really want to finish writing it, haha. Plus, I guess there's not much to write about the 'mourning', it'll mostly just be like 'They're sad. Depressed. Can't eat.' But thanks—I'm glad you're enjoying the story!
)RebeccaHasManyIncarnations( - Do you? :O That's so awesome! I think red hair is so sexy :3 And I like Ilonka's personality.
)BiskElle( - Yup, blame the King for losing the last page! D: Err it's not chapter 2? Umm… chapter 3 then? It's somewhere in the beginning when Saku first read the story to Syao… don't look for it! I haven't edited that chapter yet so right now it'll be contradicting!
Thanks guys for your support and sticking with this story for sooo long!
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Chapter Thirty-Three
Forgiveness
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When the King made it back to his dorm all he wanted was a night's well rested sleep, so that he would be completely awake and alert on the morrow. After all, they had a very serious topic to discuss. But all night he tossed and turned, and sleep eluded him. All night, all he could think of was seeing Sakura the next morning. And the thought of that made him grin like a fool throughout the entire night.
Bright and early next morning the King was up and had his maids groom him with extra care. He would've liked to send someone to escort her as soon as he was ready, but decided to be polite and give the poor girl a few more hours of sleep to be reasonable.
Unbeknownst to him, Sakura was also unable to sleep the night before. She was up by the crack of dawn pacing impatiently in front of her bed wondering just when the heck those escorts are coming for her.
By the time two of the King's personal maids arrived at Sakura's door, she had already been by the mirror over thirty times to make sure she looked presentable.
"My Lady, the King has asked for your presence at his chambers."
"Of course." Sakura replied, trying not to let the restlessness surface in her voice.
When they arrived at the King's chamber, the two girls opened the doors, bowed, and stood on the side with their heads lowered, gesturing for her to enter. When she did, they closed the door behind her.
As Sakura walked forward, a feeling of reminiscence washed over her. Just months ago this was a place she frequented on a daily basis. Yet now… she felt a tad out of place. As Sakura entered the main room, she saw a man standing with his back to her, looking outside the windows. She stood staring at him for a good minute, trying to decide on how to break his concentration, or if she should even. But at last, she decided on a timid "Good morning, Your Majesty" along with a polite curtsey.
King Syaoran turned around slowly. As he saw her, an excited little smile escaped to his lips before he could hide it. But as soon as he caught himself, he forced away the smile, reminding himself that he was a grown man and should act mature, not like a fool unable to contain his emotions when seeing the girl he fancied. "Sakura… Good morning. How are you?" He said awkwardly.
"I'm very good, thank you." She replied politely.
After a few seconds of silence, he gestured at a small wooden table by the windows that had two chairs facing each other around it. "Please, have a seat."
She bowed shyly before taking the offered seat, as King Syaoran did the same. "So… have you had breakfast?"
"Not yet, Your Majesty."
"Good."
The King called his maids in, and breakfast was served with bread and butter, fresh fruits, and milk. The meal passed in mostly silence, with the two of them periodically interjecting something petty.
When the plates were cleared away, they faced one another in awkward silence. They both knew what they had to talk about but wasn't sure how best to bring up such a sensitive topic.
Eventually, the King cleared his throat. "I… think we both know why we are here today… and, I think we should get to the point."
Sakura nodded in agreement.
When she said nothing after a minute, the King sighed. "Look, I'm just going to say it out straight, hopefully it will loosen both of us up." He took a deep breath. "Ilonka." As soon as he said her name he could almost see the awkwardness materialize and fill the space between them, and for a second there he regretted saying her name so bluntly. But then he mentally stabilized himself and told himself that it had to be done, or this unease may drag on for days. "We're here to talk about your friend, Ilonka." When her name was said out loud for the second time, it had much less impact than it did the first.
Hearing the King say her name out loud seemed to give Sakura confidence. "Yes." She nodded.
But that's as far as the conversation got.
The King sighed once again. "Okay, look I'm just going to get straight to the point. I… want you to know that, I didn't want to kill Ilonka, but I had to. It was for the kingdom and—"
His blunt words somehow triggered a little spark of annoyance in her. As politely as she could, she cut in, "With all due respective Your Majesty, you don't have to do anything."
There was a hint of sarcasm in her voice, but the King kept his cool. He knew this would happen. It would be difficult for a woman who hasn't been exposed to the politics to fully understand. But he would try his best to explain. "Indeed. I don't have to do anything. But I do have to think of the consequences of my actions. Not just how it impacts me, or my friends, but everyone in my land. And some times even those in other lands! That is part of my responsibilities as the King. However I do want you to know, had the decision really have been up to my opinion and mine alone, I would have let her go without question, even if it meant she may try to kill me again in the future."
"And… yet when it came down to it, you did nothing."
The King frowned. "Can you listen to me? I want you to understand why I did what I did—"
"Understand?" Sakura put her hand on the table. It was so incredibly hard not to yell right now. "You're telling me to understand? You're asking me to understand why you killed my friend?"
"This was not cold-blooded murder as I'm trying to explain to you! I want you to understand—"
"And then what? Understand—" Sakura stressed that word rather mockingly. "—and tell you I agree and I would've done the same thing had I been in your position?"
"Well, yes."
Sakura took a deep breath. She tried breathing in and out. But his words angered her and a vein was starting to pop on her head. "I will never understand because I NEVER WOULD'VE KILLED ILONKA! With… all due respect my King." She added rather unwillingly.
"Of course you wouldn't she's your friend and I mean clearly what the hell in this world can be more important than friendship?"
"What the heck is that suppose to mean?"
"That your view of the world is so narrow! Don't you consider anything else besides your feelings?"
"At least I have feelings!" Sakura cried. This was supposed to be a calm discussion but now it was getting personal. "And for your information no, not just based on feelings! If Ilonka was truly an evil person out to harm people then I would've agreed to your decision—"
"SHE TRIED TO KILL ME!" The King cried in disbelief.
"FOR THE RIGHT REASONS!"
"The… RIGHT REASONS?"
"YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN! IF YOU LOOKED AT THINGS FROM HER POINT OF VIEW WHAT SHE WAS DOING WAS JUSTICE!"
"JUSTICE? SHE TRIED TO KILL ME FOR SOME SHIT MY FATHER DID AND YOU CALL THAT JUSTICE?"
"IN HER MIND, YES! YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND—"
"OH, NOW I'M SUPPOSE TO UNDERSTAND…"
"I'M TRYING TO HAVE A REAL CONVERSATION WITH YOU WHY ARE YOU MOCKING ME?"
"YOU CALL THIS CONVERSATION? UNBELIEVABLE I THOUGHT YOU WERE DIFFERENT BUT YOU'RE JUST UNEDUCATED LIKE ALL YOU PEASANTS!"
Sakura stared at him, hurt in her eyes. "At least I have emotions." She retorted.
"Look Sakura you know I don't mean that… let me put it this way, if you were in my position… if you were Queen… think of all the princes and princesses watching you, knowing Ilonka had tried to kill you… how would you sentence her? Think about how your sentence will affect their respect for you… what would you have done?"
Sakura opened her mouth, and closed it, and opened it. Her face was aghast. She shook her head furiously. "Y-You can't ask me to think about that on the spot like this! I-I don't know what I would have done!"
"See? That's how I felt too! So how could you be upset with me when you feel the same way? You have to let me explain how I came to my decision; otherwise you're just being irrational—"
"First I'm uneducated now I'm… IRRATIONAL?" Sakura slammed both her hands on the table and stood up so abruptly her chair fell on the ground behind her. She towered over the King. I'M PERFECTLY RATIONAL THANK YOU VERY MUCH AND I DON'T WANT TO HEAR YOUR STUPID EXPLANATIONS! UNLESS YOU WANT TO TELL ME YOU'RE SORRY FOR YOUR DECISION TO KILL ILONKA AND YOU ONLY DID SO BECAUSE YOU ARE SELFISH, EMOTIONLESS AND A TOTAL ASS THEN YOU'RE NOT TO SAY ANYTHING RELATED TO ILONKA TO ME!"
The King gaped at her, his mouth open, one of his eyes twitching slightly. How the hell was he supposed to respond sensibly to a ludicrous comment like that?
When the King said nothing, Sakura kicked her chair aside. "UGH, I KNEW IT! JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE THE KING YOU THINK YOU'RE ALL THAT!"
"Well if you'd actually LISTEN to me you'd ACTUALLY KNOW WHAT THE HELL I'M THINKING INSTEAD OF MAKING ASSUMPTIONS!"
"MAY I BE EXCUSED YOUR MAJESTY!" But of course she only said that because she had to, as by the time her sentence finished she had already stormed out the door.
"What the hell!" The King cried standing up facing the doorway, throwing both his hands up in disbelief. "Thanks for this very reasonable and rational and pleasant conversation!" he called out after her.
—
Jelensta had wanted to check up on King Syaoran for the day, to see how he was faring. As she approached his chamber, the door opened, and out stormed Sakura.
She looked angered, and was glaring absolutely furiously at the ground. So deep in her resentment she bolted by Jelensta without noticing her at all.
Curious and slightly worried, Jelensta picked up her pace and quickly entered the King's chambers, only to find him swatting a lamp off his bed stand in frustration.
"Hey! Syaoran, is everything all right?" Jelensta closed the door behind her as she quickly rushed to the King's side, attempting to calm him down. "What is the matter?"
King Syaoran looked at her and calmed down just a slight. He felt slightly embarrassed having her see him lose control to his anger like that. Taking large strides, he paced around his room, before finally deciding to sit down on his bed. "She's so… so… so unreasonable!"
Jelensta seated herself next to him gently, and stared with concern. "Sakura?"
"Yes! Why can't she understand? I did what I must—as the King, for the kingdom!"
She stared at him silently, letting him rant on.
"I mean didn't it mean anything I took the initiative to talk this out with her? For goodness sakes who the heck does she think she is? I am the King for crying out loud I need not explain my actions to anyone! Yet here I am, attempting to be kind and gentle towards her and this is how I am rewarded?
"She hear nothing of my words—only her feelings for Ilonka as if I cared nothing for the girl! I asked her, I asked her what she would do as the Queen and she couldn't answer yet she still cannot forgive me! I made a difficult choice, and the weight of it plagues me daily. Not only does she not comfort me; not only did she not take the initiative to see how I am, she cannot even accept my attempt at an apology I don't need to give! What an outrageous land this has become!" The King ran his hand through his hair in frustration. "Simply bizarre! Ungrateful, mad woman!"
"As if, as if she could've done better that I have! As if she had some magical alternative that I didn't think of! I even gave that girl a chance to live and she spat it in my face! Even then, even then, Sakura, the woman I love, not only does not sympathize for me, she could not even empathize?" The King ran his hand through his hair in frustration, and the truth came sputtering out, what he really wanted: "Damn it, why can't she just forgive me?"
A small smile touched Jelensta's lips. "You love her?"
The King looked at her wondering what the heck was wrong with her going off on a tangent like such. "What on earth are you talking about? Did you hear nothing I said?"
"Of course I did. You said you love her."
The King paused. Slowly, his hand fell out of his hair and next to his leg. He let out a deep breath and his furrowed eyebrows softened. "I… did."
"Despite all those complaints about her supposed unfairness and inability to empathize… you still love her."
The King thought about it, and a small smile touched his lips. "Yes, I love her."
"Enough to marry her?"
Syaoran paused. But slowly, he lifted his head, and looked at Jelensta. And his smile grew into a grin. "Yea. Enough to marry her."
Jelensta stared into his eyes for the longest time, searching for sincerity within them. Finding no deceit, a big grin lit her face. "Leave it to me." She said, standing up. "I'll get her to forgive you—consider it your wedding gift. But in turn, don't you dare back down on what you said."
The King chuckled. "Not with a thousand swords pointing at me."
"Then expected her by your chamber tonight."
"I'll be prepared." He replied, the grin never fading. It felt relieved to finally realize with absolute certainty that this is the woman he wanted to be with for the rest of his life. Because now, he knew, everything he did, and everything he will do, has all been worth it.
—
Sakura had been sitting on her bed with her legs drawn up to her body and face buried in them for at least an hour now. After having calmed down from their dispute, she felt terrible for having yelled at him. While still unable to completely forgive him, she was starting to see his point, and appreciated the fact he thought her important enough to try to talk to her about this.
Somehow, she felt like she should forgive him, and she so wanted to… but her heart just wouldn't let her. "Oh, what am I to do…" As if to answer her question, a knock came at the door. Sakura looked up with tired, puffy eyes. "Come in…" she said softly, not moving from her position. "Oh, hello, Jelensta." She greeted.
Jelensta closed the door softly behind her, as she came by and took a seat next to Sakura on her bed, leaning against the headboard of the bed. "How are you doing?"
Hearing that, Sakura sighed, and buried her face back into her arms. "Did the King send you…?"
Jelensta smiled. "Actually, no. I was talking to him just now, however."
"If you're here to convince me how inappropriate I was in the way I yelled at him, I already know that."
"Oh, no, nothing like that at all. In fact I commend you in being so honest and brave, and not cower in front of someone of much, much higher authority."
"Is that sarcasm?"
"Why, not at all."
"Well it's making me feel even worse about myself…"
"Sakura… I'm going to get straight to the point. I know you've already heard everything from the King's mouth, but I wanted to emphasize what he said. He did not murder Ilonka in cold blood. In fact this was probably one of the most difficult decisions he ever had to make. You think it hurt for you, for Tomoyo, for Meiling, for… me…" For a brief second, pain flickered across Jelensta's eyes, but she quickly regained her composure and smile. "It was even worse for him. We at least had one another for support. We were able to freely expression our opinions, and beg for her life. While the King, he had no one there for him. He had no shoulder to cry on, and no one to console him. He wanted to beg for her life alongside us but he couldn't—not only could he not freely express his true feelings he had to act completely against them, and be seen as a cruel beast by us all. It hasn't been easy on him, Sakura…"
"I… I know… I was overly emotional earlier today, but I know all that… and I want so badly to forgive him and tell him I forgive him and to comfort him, b-but… I just can't…" Sakura sniffled. "Every time I think of Ilonka… thinking of her… gone… and him… him having the ability—even if it is a phantom privilege because I know he could not have abused it—I can't help but to feel… frustrated at him… I mean… Ilonka… it's Ilonka…" Sakura shook her head quickly. "You wouldn't understand; you didn't know her as well as the rest of us did."
Jelensta lowered her head, a shadow casting over her narrowing eyes. "I wouldn't understand…?" she said slowly, as if tasting the words in her mouth, deciding what to do with them. "You're so damn wrong girl; don't you ever make a blind accusation like that ever again."
"Blind accusation? Tomoyo and I knew her since—"
"I don't give a damn when you knew her. Your feelings for her could never surpass what I felt for her in any given second I was with her!" Seeing the strange way Sakura was looking at her, Jelensta quickly cleared her throat and recomposed herself. "I beg your pardon for my outburst. All I meant to say is I feel as much if not more pain than you at Ilonka's death… but I've found it in myself the virtue to forgive the King."
But the words weren't enough for her. Slowly, Sakura looked away, silent and deep in turmoil.
Jelensta stood up. "Come, I want to show you something."
—
After wandering in a forest for more than half an hour, Jelensta finally stopped.
"Where are we?" Sakura asked cautiously. The place felt serene and peaceful, but her previous experience with the woods when she attempted to leave the castle did not bode so well.
Jelensta took a few more steps before sitting down among the leaves, leaning her back against the thick trunk of a tree. She gestured with her right hand at a small, thin silver cross that rested within a handmade shrine to her right. "Look." She said softly, her eyes already closed, a small smile on her lips.
"Oh…" Sakura said, unsure what to comment. "You… come here often?"
Jelensta ignored her question. "Lonka… your friend Sakura is here to visit you today…" she said sweetly.
"Lonka…? Ilonka…? Oh." Sakura stared at the shrine sadly. "I see... You built this for her didn't you? I believe you now, Ilonka must've meant a lot to you for you to do this for her…"
Jelensta opened her eyes, and looked at Sakura. "No, Sakura… I didn't do this… the King did…"
"He did this?"
"Yes. This is Ilonka's grave. The King had it done after she was buried here."
It took a moment for it to register, but when it did, Sakura gasped in disbelief. "Wait, buried here? But, it cannot be! The King clearly ordered for her body to be chopped to piece and fed to the swine! What is there to bury?"
Reaching up, Jelensta grabbed her hand with both hers, and smiled gently. "Deep inside, the King is a very compassionate man. He said what needed to be said for the general public, but in secret, for his sake… for all our sake… he had her buried, and paid respectable tribute to her."
Sakura's expression softened. As she stared at the thin cross, tears filled her eyes from joy at the King's kindness.
"For what Ilonka did, the rightful punishment should've been Death of Nine Generations. But since her family is already dead, there are so many methods of torture out there he could've demanded to be done to her, and everyone in the land would see it as being more than just. But he didn't… he couldn't even chop off her head, or hang her… he gave her the least painful method of death… for that, you need to recognize just what a great King… no, what a great man he is."
And the words began to sink in. Tears fell down her cheeks as guilt washed over her thinking of the way she had yelled at him earlier; being so stubborn and unwilling to hear what she thought were his excuses. All she saw was the death of her friend Ilonka. But she really did need to take a step back and notice that in the grand scheme of things, Ilonka had gotten off light, thanks to the King. A touching sacrifice he made, that no one appreciated. Sakura wiped at her face. "I-I need to see him…" she hiccupped. "I need to see him!"
"I know." Jelensta smiled. "He awaits you."
Sakura knelt down in front of Ilonka's grave and paid her respects. "Ilonka, sweetie, I love you and I will always think of you. Wherever you are now I pray it is a much happier place without vengeance. I promise to come by the next opportunity I get. But for now, I need to see the King… I need to… forgive him. And apologize for the absurd way I acted…" Sakura lowered her head slightly, as if seeking Ilonka's approval. "You're… okay with that, aren't you?"
Jelensta smiled. "Of course she is. Now go to him."
A big smile lit Sakura's face as she wiped at the remainder of her tears, standing up. "Yeah, Yeah! I am. Thank you, Jelensta."
"I do what I can. You sure you know your way out?"
Sakura had already jogged a few meters away by that point, and she spun around, though so restless she continued to jog backwards. "Yes!" She cried. "Of course—just head in the direction Syaoran is at!" And she laughed happily, disappearing into the distance.
Jelensta laughed at the eagerness in her voice, and the obvious bounce in her step. Oh, they're just perfect for each other…
—
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Author's Note: That "fight" between Sakura and Syao was suppose to be more serious… but maybe there's been too much angst in this story… so I wanted to make it a little comical to show this story is progressing to something lighter. :) Hopefully that vibe has been successfully relayed.
Still kinda filler-ish, but still kinda necessary.
Sidenote: it'll be my first time taking the plane by myself! Hope it all goes well, and doesn't get too boring. 24 hours travelling time. Bahh. X.x gotta study for that final!
4330 words.