Uncharted Lands

7. Two words and Another

"Whirling in an arc of sadness, I'm lost without you."

'You are incredible, you know that?' Booth whispered in her ear as she turned around in his arms again, laying her head on his shoulder again.

She just nodded, smiling at herself and at the situation. It hadn't been as difficult as she thought it would be, nor as scary. It had just happened and everything had gone great, the world still existed, he was still right next to her.

'You know that I won't leave you, right?' she asked after a while. Because even though she confessed her love, he had to know this as well.

'Of course, Bones,' he answered.

'Good, because I want you to be sure of that,' she said. 'Unless you break up with me, I'm not going away.'

He kissed her shoulder again, softly grazing her skin with his teeth. 'I don't want you to.'

'Good, then we're in agreement,' she said and with that, it was settled.

About thirty minutes later they were forced to leave the comfort of their position because the water got cold.

Brennan got out first, handing a towel to Booth. They stood together, drying themselves, not ashamed or inhibited but both not able to keep their eyes on their own bodies.

'I still owe you a massage,' Booth said. 'If you want, now's a good as time as any?'

It was tempting and Temperance knew she could really use some more relaxation, but she wasn't sure relaxation was all this would cause. And she didn't need another late dinner because of their inability to keep their physical declarations of love in check.

But right now, relaxation won.

'Yeah, sounds like a plan,' she said. 'You want me to sit somewhere?'

He gestured towards her bedroom. 'Just lay down on the bed? On your stomach?'

She nodded and stole a touch of her hand to his side before leaving him standing in the bathroom.

She just put on a pair of panties and jogging shorts which she often used as pajamas, took a bra and shirt out but left them off and lay down on the bed, giving Booth access to her entire bare back and shoulders. She used one of her pillows under her head, her arms to her sides, making sure he wouldn't immediately get sidetracked by the sight of her breasts.

He came into the room, wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt, and he smiled at her. 'You know where this is gonna end if you lay down on your bed half naked, right?'

She didn't move, just cast a glance upwards at him and smiled. 'I was hoping to get a relaxing massage, but if that's too much to ask..'

He knew she was teasing him, and he would show her some control in return. He still had a lot of trouble controlling himself when it came to her body but he was getting slightly better at it, at least at hiding it. And he would show her.

'No, massage is fine,' he answered, getting on the bed on his knees. 'Just relax.'

She closed her eyes as soon as she felt is warm hands on her shoulders.

He made sure her hair was all to the side before he started his assault. He was actually quite good at this, and it pleased him that she didn't know. She would be surprised and that was always a good thing.

His hands skimmed her back at first, feeling its shape and making sure his hands weren't too cold. She relaxed into his touch immediately, and he smiled.

Then he started softly pressing down, feeling along her back where she was tense and where he needed to be more careful. He felt tense knots in her shoulders and he tried his best to slowly work them out. He loved how her skin felt under his fingers, soft and warm, and when she let out a whimper he pressed a kiss to her shoulder blade.

She felt his hands examine her back, find the tense parts immediately and start working them out. She loved how he was very careful, his strength and power reigned in to care for her wellbeing. She closed her eyes and soon she felt herself slowly drift away.

He ran his hands along either side of her spine, pressing her down softly, causing the air to leave her lungs. She gasped, the feeling unknown but welcome, and he did it again before leaving to work her shoulders again.

After a while, he leaned in to look at her, and he found her eyes closed in sleep. When she noticed his hands had stopped, she woke, opening her eyes and giving him a drowsy look. 'Sorry, did I fall asleep?'

'Don't worry, it's a compliment,' he whispered back and continued his caring of her back. 'Feel good?'

She nodded. 'Great, I haven't had a good massage in years.'

'Glad I could help. Close your eyes,' he said, making sure she wasn't feeling guilty about falling sleep on him. He loved it. It was the purest form of surrender and trust he could think of.

She closed her eyes again and he continued, and within minutes she was gone again. He kneaded and stroked her back for a while longer, until he was certain she was asleep. Slowly, his touch became softer and softer until he was sitting next to her and she was still sound asleep. He didn't want to wake her so he left her on the bed, covering her bare skin with her blanket before exiting the bedroom to order Thai.

A little while later, Brennan awoke to the sound of her front door unlocking and Booth's hushed voice accepting a delivery. She smiled to herself, he had put her to sleep again, and this time she hadn't woken to his hands leaving her body. And he, naturally, had done his task of caring for her in every way he could: He had ordered them dinner. Thai, by the smell of it.

She took a moment to fully wake up, the unknown feeling in her stomach needing time to be identified. After a few minutes, she realized this is what it felt like to be completely at ease. Taken care of. No need for her to run off and take care of herself, there was someone else doing that for her now. And it felt good.

She put on a dark blue t-shirt and a pair of socks and walked into the living room. As she entered, Booth turned towards her. 'Hey, you awake?' he greeted her.

'Yes, I heard you take the delivery,' she answered.

'I'm sorry I woke you,' he said, walking to her kitchen block to get plates and her own chopsticks.

'No, it's fine, I'm quite hungry,' she said. 'Thanks for ordering.'

'I figured you might be hungry,' he said while he turned around.

He found her standing in front of him, just a few feet away.

And suddenly, just like that, it hit him with the force of an asteroid how lucky he really was. How much she had sacrificed to let him in. And how new this still was to her. But even though she had no idea what would come next, or how this would work out, she was there. And she was letting him help her.

He closed the distance, putting the plates on her kitchen counter, and pulled her close to him. His arms came around her shoulders, like they had so many times before.

When he had saved her from her other self, in the very beginning of all of this. Then again, when he had saved her from a murderous boyfriend. That had been when he had told her she wasn't alone. Saved her from the Gravedigger at her trial, when Bones had admitted her nightmares to him. Her weaknesses. Saved her, countless more times, just as much as she had saved him. Every time.

She let him pull her close, it being exactly what she had wanted and needed. She felt his heart pound under her cheek, her eyes closed and countless fears entered her mind and left it again.

She didn't have to worry. She was safe.

'Marry me,' he said out of the blue. He had no idea where it came from and why he said it, but it was right. It was the only thing he could think of to say to her. The only way to make her understand his commitment, his love and his total and complete surrender to her mind, body and soul.

'Marry me.'

Brennan disentangled herself from him and looked up at him. 'Booth…'

No, this wasn't happening.

Why was he asking her? He had promised not to. This was too soon, too close, too much.

She willed herself to stay calm, but he had already spotted the look in her eyes: The one she had given him when he first confessed his love to her. Then, it had forced him to add 'in an atta-girl kind of way.' Then he had seen it again when he had asked for one chance, just one shot at a relationship. Again, his heart had been broken. Not just broken, destroyed.

And now he saw it again and his heart cracked and crumbled. It wept, cried and shouted at her not to do this. Not to reject him.

'No,' she whispered. 'No. I can't.'

Booth's face darkened. His mouth opened and closed again, and he couldn't look at her while her eyes were pleading for him to just look in her eyes. Because there he would see her real answer.

'Ok,' he started. 'I'm sorry.'

'You said you'd give me time. You promised not to pressure me,' she said, her eyes filling with tears and her trembling hand reaching out to him.

He didn't take it.

'I know, I'm sorry, Bones..' He didn't know what else to say.

Luckily, she did.

'Not now, ok? But can I ask you.. To maybe.. Ask me again, some day? Because I do want it, Booth. I just.. Can't, right now.'

Finally, he met her eyes and he saw his pain mirrored in her eyes. She felt the same. Her mind betrayed her body once more. And now he saw that it felt, it hurt the same for her as it did for him.

So he nodded. He couldn't do anything else. 'I won't forget,' he warned her. 'I'll ask you again.'

'I hope you will, and I hope I'll be ready then,' she said softly, and a tear dropped on her cheek.

His own trembling hand came up to cup her cheek and brush the tear away.

'I do love you,' she said, her voice trembling as much as her body. 'That has nothing to do with it.'

'I know,' he answered. 'I know. I love you too. Don't ever doubt that.'

'Don't break up with me,' she pleaded, hating the woman she was right now.

His other hand came up to go around her shoulders and press her close to him.

'Of course not,' he whispered in her hair. 'I'm sorry I asked you. I shouldn't have. I will never break up with you.'

She nodded into his chest, the place where she had found herself more and more these past few days. It seemed it was the only place where she could think straight.

'It's ok, I'm sorry,' he repeated.

'No, don't be sorry,' she answered. 'Thank you for asking. It made it more real.'

'It's real, baby,' he said, and she smiled into his chest. 'I know. Don't be mad at me.'

'I'm not. We're together and that's all that matters now. As long as you know, I'm not giving up.'

She leaned back to look into his eyes. 'Don't. Don't give up.'

With that, she sat down on the couch, inviting him with her hands. He sat down behind her with their food. She sat with her back to his chest, like they had been sitting in the bathtub. His legs on either side of her, she felt safer than ever and it made her vulnerable, and he saw her shoulders shudder with her fear, sadness and pain.

He just stayed with her, acknowledging their mutual heartache, giving her a place to let it all out, protecting her. Because no matter what she thought she wanted, he knew what she wanted. She just wanted to be loved.

Because even though we are all different, our basic components are the same. We all share a similar bone structure. Similar flesh, blood and muscles. Similar organs.

Similar basic needs.

Food, air, water. A roof. Company. And finally, but most importantly, we all need someone to stand by our side. And someone whose side we can stand by. Because for everyone there's someone, someone who is your other two legs, two arms and head. She had taught him about Plato, and that's the myth he remembered as he felt her limbs find his, entangle themselves and create one single being out of two bodies. They were the lucky ones. They had found each other.

And even though it was incredibly important to him, he realized she was right. In the end, all it was was a piece of paper and a ring. And he'd have that. Just not now.

Not yet.

[Author's note: Sorry if you feel it's too early. I'm just making options for myself, so I can write without having to deal with the technicalities of pregnancy. Because that I am not looking forward to.]