Pause for concern.
Standing next to the console on the TARDIS, Geoff observed as the Doctor manipulated the controls. He was still coming to terms that such a marvellous vehicle existed; she was without doubt the finest mode of transport he had ever encountered. From what he could tell and by the feel of her it felt like she was built of coral. He rubbed his finger along the console to confirm his thoughts; yes, coral. He drew back his hand as he recalled Jack and his conversation about the tactile nature of this machine and smiled as he watched the Doctor caress the lever he was holding.
He was about to ask a question when he found a small tin in front of him filled with individually wrapped sweets. Not sure how he would turn down a Time Lord he picked one. Unwrapping the leaf-shaped sweet he popped into his mouth and was immediately overwhelmed by sweetness.
"Young man just introduced me to maple syrup. I rather like them," the Doctor commented as he worked the controls on the console.
"Rot your teeth more like," Geoff replied, not sure where to put the wrapper when the Doctor stuck out his hand and he handed it over.
"So you are the man who gave Ianto his stash of wonderful sweets?"
The Doctor smiled. "Yes we had a fantabuloso afternoon. Maple syrup comes from trees you know."
Geoff creased his face in concern. "Are you sure that visiting was the best idea considering what happened?" he said.
The Doctor concentrated. "Did he tell you any good jokes?" He asked, ignoring Geoff's question and unwrapping another sweet.
"He told me a few elephant jokes."
"Really? I told him those," the Doctor said proudly. "Do you think he would appreciate seeing a real elephant?" he asked seriously.
"I think Ianto would love that," Geoff replied not sure why he was being asked. "Are you thinking of bringing one here?" Geoff asked, suddenly concerned, trying to envision an elephant emerging from the TARDIS considering what had occurred less than ten days ago.
"No, I was just thinking when things are more settled I would like to take Ianto on an adventure with crocodiles and elephants with the odd dinosaur thrown in," he said, unwrapping another sweet and popping it into his mouth.
"I think Ianto would love you for life."
"Do you think such an adventure would make up for him seeing the TARDIS as he did?" he asked honestly.
"Trip to Legoland might." Geoff laughed when he saw the Doctor seriously considering the idea. "I have a serious question," Geoff asked.
The Doctor offered him another sweet and shook his head. "Aren't all questions serious?"
"What are your ethics in relation to time travel? I mean about changing the past and influencing the future?"
"My race, the Gallifreyans, believed that they should only observe and never interfere with the lower races. I should add I was a renegade and have spent almost my entire existence in violation of their non-interference policies," he added grimly in response.
"I think that answers my question," Geoff nodded.
"Was there a purpose to your question?"
"My understanding is that the situation created on the Valiant was a time paradox centred on that vessel. That when the paradox machine centred within the TARDIS was destroyed time corrected itself. Except for those on board, time returned to exactly as it was just after the American President was assassinated." Geoff saw the Doctor nod. "So my question to you is: can you use the TARDIS to go back and take Ianto off before time rewrote itself?"
"It's impossible." The Doctor shook his head sadly. "The time vortex created when time rewound created a time distortion event. As the TARDIS was the centre of that paradox once she left it meant it was impossible to re-enter. In fact the time distortion was so great the time stream was not clear for months before or after the event. This distortion was reason why Jack did not return until several months after the assassination."
"That is a great disappointment." Geoff told him. "Yet in a sense I am relieved because the times I have contemplated the consequences would mean all sorts of ramifications with both positive and negative outcomes for those individuals involved. I guess, as a healer, prevention is far better than trying to be the ambulance at the bottom of the cliff. Although I know I could not prevent Jack from his suffering, I was hoping I could save Ianto from his. Doing so would help Jack immensely." He felt a hand on his shoulder. "Jack has expressed a great deal of regret about his role in the final hours of his time on the Valiant. He believes that in those last chaotic moments he failed Ianto by not discovering his presence and removing him. In fact he blames himself for the entire sequence of events from the moment he ran after the TARDIS," Geoff added sadly.
"I know; Martha told me. None of this was Jack's fault." The Doctor stated. "He was just part of a diabolical series of events that were outside of mine or Jack's control. The Master was a setup, a long play gamble, one of many in a costly disastrous war." He went on to explain his remark and Geoff listened intently, shocked to hear of the Time war's devastating result leading the extinction of the Doctor's people. "…if you want to blame anyone it should be me for leaving Jack behind on Satellite Five, or for that matter you may as well blame Rose."
"I think that deserves an explanation," Geoff said his head reeling with details of the Gallifreyans' descent into annihilation.
"Ah well, Rose saved Jack's life, but she had no control over the power she wielded. So instead of bringing him back for a life time she cursed him with immortality. She caused Jack to be a fixed point in time and space, which for a Time Lord is something extremely uncomfortable to be around. Jack is just wrong… I look at him and…"
"Have you said that to him, that he's wrong?" Geoff interrupted. The Time Lord looked uncomfortable. "I see," Geoff said as he now gained a greater understanding to one of the possible causes of Jack's beliefs in his own culpability. "Well, fixed point in time or not, nothing Jack suffered or his actions on the Valiant in those last hours negates what he perceives as his failure towards the man he loves. I was hoping there might be a way to save Ianto his suffering and be there restored on Jack's return."
"If it was in my power to return to that time I would have but it's impossible. If I could take Ianto forward in time and fix his mind I would have done so also," the Doctor admitted.
"So you've been into future on his behalf?" Geoff said startled at the Doctor's admission.
"I consulted some of the finest minds concerning Ianto's situation. I had to chase one for a year."
"A year!" Geoff burst out.
The Doctor looked at him, "Maybe it just felt like a year; hard to tell really, time seems to take on a strange quality when you are waiting for something. Anyway, the reason for the waiting was because unfortunately we had met previously and let's just say we didn't leave on the best of terms. In fact she swore she would never tolerate my presence again. So after leaving hundreds of message I sat at the front of her office until she saw me. Once she agreed she was honest in her appraisal and conclusions. To confirm her diagnosis she referred me to another who confirmed what she had found. From the damage the Master used a combination of a Sirius mind probe and Virtex Crystals to break Ianto. Nasty things; Sirius mind probes when combined with Virtex Crystals means that the damage is permanent and irreversible."
"How can you be certain this is what he used?" Geoff said then answered his own question. "The records from the TARDIS."
The Doctor nodded. "You see, Ianto Jones infuriated the Master because he couldn't break him. So he decided to destroy him. He wanted to leave him a shambling wreck, drooling from the lips, mumbling to himself as an object lesson and then keep him around as a sort of fool in his court." The Doctor saw Geoff pale "The combination of the probe and the crystals along with the torture Ianto endured destroyed him."
"I'm not sure about that," Geoff retorted. "They didn't destroy his fortitude or his courageous nature, his intelligence, his willingness to learn. And the Master never touched his capacity to love or be loved."
"Ianto is undeserving of his fate, as is Jack. And had I the power to do so I would act for both their sakes," the Doctor added bitterly. "Tell me if there is anything more I can do? This vessel, my knowledge it's at your disposal."
"You make a kind and generous offer and in light of what you have already done I cannot think of anything more you could do. The truth is right now there is nothing you or beings as mighty as yourself can do. Only Jack can act to move this forward."
"What does Jack have to do here?" the Doctor asked.
"What Jack has to do is to find a way out of the hole he has dug for himself."
"Hole?" the Doctor repeated to himself as he tried to come to terms with the man he knew as someone lost in the dark.
"It's a hole so deep and wide it's impossible to see the bottom or the sides. So dark there is no light. You see, Jack fears for his very sanity, his reason for being, and quite rightly so. I don't need to tell you how close we came to losing him on this very issue. He has one thing the only thing that has kept him going. It's a force so powerful it can heal the most wounded soul. Which I might add he has proven to himself, yet he is so frightened of losing this he cannot use the key he has to escape."
"You're talking about Ianto?" The Doctor checked. "Is Ianto the key?
Geoff nodded. "We've touched on it here in our conversation. Jack blames himself for what happened, regardless of the circumstances. Due to the mind technique he used along with the torture, it's embedded within his emotional landscape. It's become part of his soul and that is what needs to be healed."
"You said he has the key."
"There is a key, and like all keys its opens a door. Doors can open to many things; in this case what is behind the door is what he fears because he has to tell Ianto the truth."
"The truth?" the Doctor repeated not sure he understood the truth to be.
"To tell Ianto the truth that he is the 'Man in Grey'." He went on to explain the significance. "But doing so he risks losing Ianto. Losing Ianto means the destruction of the last piece of Jack's soul. Ianto is more than the man he loves, Ianto loves him. It's that love and adoration that has kept Jack sane."
"Why is it so important? Why not move forward and come back to this?"
"It's important for two reasons, and both reasons are interwoven. Firstly, Jack feels what happened to Ianto was his fault. While he believes this there is no safe way for him to release the memories he has suppressed. This guilt is tied up to forgiveness. To receive that forgiveness Jack must tell Ianto who he is. Jack cannot move forward while he believes that what he suffered was justified because he believes he was the cause of Ianto's suffering. He will hold onto that suffering and pain as his just punishment. To let go he needs Ianto to hear and understand and at the end love him as much as he does now."
"Do you think Ianto would reject him?"
"What matters here is what Jack thinks," Geoff reiterated. "Ianto's memories are scattered no-one knows what Ianto recalls. What he does know is he loves Jack. He loves him so much, the very thought Jack had gone caused him to try and kill himself."
"Ying and Yang," the Doctor reflected.
"If you like. Two souls both broken, only whole when they are together. Ianto I suspect will always need Jack because he cannot function without him. Jack needs Ianto's love unconditionally; it's what's been holding him together all this time. There is a connection between them on a deeply emotional level. Jack's link with Ianto was forged on the Valiant.
It was sealed when Ianto reached out for Jack at the institute. Something profound happened for both of them I am sure of it. Ianto reached out for the first time. I think he reached out because on some level he knew this was the one person he needed above all others. In that same moment Jack regained the anchor he had fashioned to enable him to survive. I cannot overstate the importance of this for Jack. His survival depended on the Ianto he created within his mind. On his return and found Ianto gone. He had told me how this affected him, how lost he felt. When Ianto reached out for him the connection was reborn anew. Considering the mental fragility of both men, I shudder to think what might have happened to them had they not found each other as they did."
"What happens if Ianto dies?" the Doctor asked.
"What do you mean if?" Geoff blinked in surprise at the Doctor's choice of words. "Surely you mean when?"
The Doctor bit his bottom lip. "Let me tell you what the Master intended as his revenge against Jack once he found out who Ianto was."
The Doctor began to explain.
"That is the cruellest most vile, evil thing I have ever heard of," Geoff burst out as the Doctor finished speaking. "Tell me there is no more," he begged feeling sick.
"Dinosaurs, I think Ianto would love dinosaurs what do you think?" the Doctor asked quietly
"I think Ianto deserves every possible good thing in our power to grant and I think Jack is right next to him on the list," Geoff told him.
"That is something we can both agree on," the Doctor agreed.