Authors Note: Apologies for the late post. Life has caught up with myself and my beta. I am posting this as one chapter rather than split it into two. This post is longer than normal. This is because it may be two weeks before the next chapter is posted and will depend on circumstances and I didn't want to leave you with a cliff hanger.
The Ballad of Ianto Jones.
Folding her arms around herself in comfort Tosh tried to calm herself and to figure out what was the hell she should do. Her instinct was to call Owen, and/or Geoff. Still smarting from Jack's response to leave Ianto alone and give him the time and space to work out what was going on for him, she went through her options. She could as advised and leave Ianto alone. Jack has assured her he was upstairs in case things escalated.
However she seriously questioned if Jack, in his current state, could actually prevent Ianto from harming himself or stop him doing some serious damage. Should she call for back- up in case it was needed? Her stomach turned over. Should she act now? She reached for her mobile. Would that make things worse if Owen and/or Geoff suddenly appeared? 'Possibly,' she heard herself reply and she dropped her arm. Ianto knew Owen; Geoff on the other hand...she left the rest of the thought unanswered.
She swallowed as she peered around the door into the lounge from the kitchen. Ianto's back was towards him which meant he hadn't seen her. She pulled back, relieved; not intimidated by his size, it was more his explosive verbal outbursts that had caused her current distress.
She had seen him distraught, angry, happy, anxious, sad, worried, and frustrated mostly with himself over his inability to express in words what he was trying to say. He could be talkative, silent, with every variation in-between but all within the cycle of life here at Rose Cottage. She was well used to his swings of emotion; he could go from being on the verge of tears to laughing out loud in what seemed like a blink of an eye. Next he would be struggling to understand and show exasperation with himself, then throw his arms around her in a huge hug and apologise. He was helpful especially where Jack was concerned. It was his job to take care of Jack's personal needs, from taking him up meals to helping him get about the house.
Trembling she let out a long breath as she attempted to recover from his most recent explosive outburst. She had tried to approach him in an effort to offer him a drink but the sheer volume of his demand 'Leave me alone' still ringing in her ears had caused her to stumble backwards and to retreat back to the kitchen.
This had all begun yesterday when had woken in a sullen mood. Clutching Myfanwy he had spent a great part of the morning looking out towards the sea. Never violent or rough she was shocked when he had thrown his lunch across the kitchen. Before she could react and or even ask what was wrong he had stomped upstairs and thrown himself on the bed next to Jack. Here he had remained for rest of the afternoon. Ianto refused to tell Jack what was wrong only saying, 'he wanted to hold Jack and be as close as he could.' Things improved marginally that evening and he allowed Jack to read to him. He picked at his dinner, only eating when encouraged by Jack.
Today, his mood was even darker; the same blackness one sees just before a storm roils off the sea and hits the shore. With crossed arms, a shake of the head and stamp of his foot he had refused breakfast. Pushing past her, he had moved into the lounge and set himself up to draw.
He began by laying out everything he thought he would need from the art room along with a ream of A4 and A5 paper. This was followed by his adding every coloured pencil, crayons and felt tip pen he possessed. Lying on his stomach he started. As he proceeded the energy he put onto each sheet seemed to travel from his fingers along his arms until his whole body was infected with anguish. Sheet after sheet were discarded sometimes from just a single line. Others he worked on until the picture was almost complete then screwed up the sheet, crushing it with his hands into a ball or tore it into fragments. Hours this had continued until the room was covered with discarded pages and torn up sheets scattered like confetti. Those that met with his approval he folded over carefully and placed next to himself.
Muttering interspersed with sobs he finally stood. She shifted her weight and risked a look around the corner. The movement caused Ianto to stare in her direction. She took an unconscious step back at the wild desperate look in his eyes.
She retreated further into the kitchen. If only she could see what he was drawing. Maybe if she could get more than a glimpse then she could get an insight into what was going on for him? Then she could call Owen and get some advice on what she should do. She heard the what sounded like the French doors slam open and she felt a rush of cold air assault her ankles. Looking around the corner she saw Ianto had picked up the satisfactory drawings he had put to one side and gone into the garden.
She waited to see where he was headed. Hesitantly she moved forward and saw he now out of sight. As the garden sloped it meant he was hidden and therefore so was she. Moving forward she picked up the nearest balled-up sheet. It was tightly packed and she peeled it open. It was covered completely in thick black crayon. She picked up the next one by her foot. Smoothing it out she saw it was a tiny stick figure being struck with black and red arrows along with what looked like lightning strikes in yellow and white.
She glanced up to see Ianto was heading back, his head down. Gathering as many of the screwed-up balls of paper as she could she now moved out of Ianto's line of sight. On reaching the kitchen table she opened her arms and dumped them on the kitchen table and dealt with each one in turn.
Working at the next ball with her fingers she smoothed out the drawing. It was another - possibly the same - stick figure with a huge hand, totally out of proportion with the rest of the body. Another foot, a leg, always the red, yellow and black arrows. Sometimes the stick figure was bent over surrounded by bigger figures striking the smaller one with red blobs flying in all directions. One in particular caught her attention as she smoothed it out with her hands. This one was of the same stick figure in a box. The box was filled with blue. She took a closer look and found it was tiny tears or raindrops; no, tears she decided. The figure was crying, filling the room.
She heard the French door slam shut and glanced around to see Ianto had returned still clutching the finished drawings to his chest. Taking a quick glance around he placed the sheets he was holding on the floor. Turning in a circle he scanned the room. His gaze fell on the roll of newsprint. He picked it up and began to pull off all the paper from the roll in great sweeps of his arm. He continued until he was surrounded by paper up to his chest due to the amount of volume of paper on the roll.
Reaching the cardboard core he fell on the paper and began to shred it using his hands and feet tearing into to smaller and smaller pieces. Thrashing about he came across the cardboard inner. Breathing heavily he now stood and stared at it in his hand. With a roar he threw it across the room. It hit the corner of a large print with such force it fell first on to the sofa then slid to the floor. Lifting his foot he smashed the frame. Turning his attention to the sofa he heaved it over onto his front with a crash.
He spied Myfanwy; picking her up he shook her, screamed and began twisting her like he would wring out something wet. Using all his strength he tried to rip her apart.
"NO! Not Myfanwy," Jack said heavily, out breath from his efforts to reach the lounge. He had hoped leaving Ianto to draw would allow him to work through what was going on for him. He had watched from the bedroom window as Ianto had walked back and forward hitting himself on the head with his open hand. The suicide attempt aside Ianto never self-harmed. Ianto was losing control and, when got back inside all hell was going to break loose. Half way down the stairs he heard the first crash. He forced himself to speed up but was so weak he had struggled not to fall down the stairs.
Grinding his teeth Ianto twisted the toy and then applied his teeth. Reaching in Jack snatched her from him and threw her back at Tosh.
Ianto's eyes flashed with rage and he leapt forward. Jack threw himself into his path and the momentum caused them to crash to the floor. Jack moved quickly and wrapped his arms and legs around Ianto in an effort to restrain him.
"Let me call Owen," Tosh shouted as she scrambled to rescue Ianto's beloved toy.
"Leave," Jack commanded as he held on with all his might, pursing his lips in effort.
"He's too strong Jack. You need help."
"Don't argue with me just do it," he bellowed.
"Let me call Owen, or Geoff; please?" she begged.
"I-can-handle-this," Jack panted out as Ianto struggled against him, tightening his grip as best he could. "GO!" he howled at her and returned his focus to restraining Ianto. Ianto was trying to push Jack away from him with all his might, groaning and spluttering. Jack, long practiced in this form of restraint knew that eventually the outburst would begin to subside. Out of control he needed a form of soft restraint that gave him something real to fight against. It only worked when strength for strength were equal, cancelling each other out. His muscles burning with effort Jack held on as Ianto used every last bit of his own strength to break free. As strange as it might appear to Tosh or any outsider Jack knew this would allow Ianto to constrain his rage, giving it a boundary. This in turn meant it was only a matter of time before he calmed down.
What seemed like an age but was less than five minutes Ianto stopped struggling and burst into deep howling sobs. Jack relaxed his grip slightly then pulled Ianto as close as he could, shifting his position to one of cradling rather than restraint.
Twenty minutes later the sobs faded to sniffs. Jack used the sleeve of his sweatshirt to wipe the snot and tears from Ianto's face.
"I don't know what to do," Ianto sobbed, speaking for the first time.
"I see, hear and feel that," Jack said quietly. "You were drawing." He felt Ianto begin to panic and pull away.
"I have this big feeling and it just keeps getting bigger. I tried to draw it but I couldn't get it right and the feeling got so big it came out."
"Are you angry?"
Ianto almost stopped breathing then nodded.
"Angry with me?"
Ianto looked up startled and began to shake his head vigorously. "No. Ianto loves Jack; he loves Jack so much he is filled with this huge feeling; bigger than anything," Ianto told him vehemently.
"Tosh then?"
"No. She's my friend."
"So something else, a feeling so big inside it got bigger and bigger until you exploded," he reflected and felt rather than saw Ianto nod.
"Can you tell me?"
Ianto shook his head. "I can't!" he wailed miserably.
"Let's rewind this to the beginning of yesterday when you woke up," Jack suggested and heard an uncertain, "Okay."
"Did you have a bad dream of things happening and you remembered something?"
"Sort of, but not something real."
"Sort of so like a memory but not a memory, a thought."
Ianto nodded.
"Like a memory but mixed up with bad hurts?"
Ianto's lower lip shivered.
"Myfanwy?" he pushed.
"Ianto doesn't deserve a dragon as a best friend. Only really brave people do. "
"Ianto, you are an incredibly brave person. You survived the unthinkable and it takes courage to get up and face that every day."
"Ianto knows the truth," Ianto said burying his head in Jack's shoulder.
"What truth Ianto?"
"That I am bad through and through. I don't deserve to loved or be here in this place, having good things happen," he sobbed.
"Ianto you are a good, wonderful person. Nothing you have ever done is so bad that I wouldn't love you."
"That's why you must never know." He took a shuddering breath. "Because if you did, you would know Ianto was the worst bad person who ever lived. Even worse than the bad man who did bad things."
"Never," Jack gripped him closely, his heart beating widely at Ianto's admission and tried to work through what Ianto was telling him. "Ianto, you said you knew. Knew you were bad." Jack chose his words carefully and took Ianto's hand and held it to his chest. "I love you. There is nothing you can say that will make me love you any less." Ianto sobbed inconsolably and Jack felt his heart break.
"I want to hold you forever so nothing can happen to you," Ianto said in gasps.
"Nothing can happen to me. I'm right here," Jack explained.
"I know…" he started to say as Jack cupped his face.
"Ianto try and tell me."
"I can't. I am so scared. If I tell you, nothing good will ever happen to me again because Ianto only deserves bad things. I got so scared that I thought I would try and draw out the feelings but it made it worse and worse."
"Can you show me what you've drawn?"
"I can't. If you see them then you will know how bad I am," Ianto cried out. "I don't want you to see them, if you do then you will know how bad I am."
"Then you will have to tell me," Jack stated as Ianto looked at him with tear-filled eyes.
"I'm not brave. I'm scared that you will hate Ianto forever …." Ianto's words faded into nothing.
"Ianto you are the bravest person I know," Jack told him bluntly as he wiped away his tears with his hand.
"No I am not!" he shouted out. "You're brave, braver than Ianto could ever be. You escaped from the first bad place and then you came back for me."
Jack's mouth dropped open and he stared at Ianto and he felt all the air leave his lungs in one sigh. "Say that again Ianto?" he stammered.
"I was in the second bad place. It was away from the first bad place with the bad man. I could see the outside. I so wanted to go outside in the sunshine and feel air on my face because I had been in the dark so long. But I couldn't because there were bars on the windows." He screwed up his face in remembrance. "I could see there were trees and flowers and colours...so many colours. Day was okay but then every night they dragged me back to the first bad place and did nasty things that hurt me. They kept asking me the same questions over and over again. I hid myself deep inside and then when I opened my eyes I was back in the second bad place with the window."
"The second place," Jack repeated his mind reeling as he double checked what he thought he was hearing.
"They kept calling me James until you gave me my name," Ianto sniffed.
"I told them your real name is that what you mean?" Jack asked.
"No, I had no name."
"They called you James because they had no idea who you really were until Owen and I came," Jack reiterated.
Ianto shook his head. "No, I was empty. When you called me Ianto and I knew that was my name."
"What else to you remember?" Jack asked him gently.
"I spent daytimes in the place with the window with the bars. At first I thought that the first and second place were different places. As I was thinking this I saw the day guards talking to the night guards so I knew this idea was a way to trick me into thinking they was nice but every night the bad guards came." He took a breath. "I tried to escape but they kept finding me and bringing me back. I was so scared and lonely." He looked at Jack and began speaking softly. "Then you came. You brought me flowers and plants, books and puzzles. You stood with me and said nice things. I thought it was all a terrible trick to get me to talk, but I couldn't speak. I couldn't make a sound come out."
"You said I escaped from the first bad place and came back to rescue you?" Jack reflected still coming to terms with Ianto's recollection as Ianto began to shake.
"I was in the worst room," he took a shuddered in breath "Where they did the worst things. They hurt me deep inside. I was laying there fighting but I was held down. The cruel jacket thing was so strong I couldn't break out when the door opened. I begged them not to hurt me. Instead of the guards it was you," he said in wonder. "The nice man who brought me things and said nice words…and then you said it, you said, 'I'm here to get you out.' You took off the horrible jacket then you let me hold you. I held onto you close in case they dragged me away from you. I was so scared and muddled everything was going round and round in my head. My most scared time happened when the door opened, I thought the guards had come, and they had, but you shouted at the guards! And they moved out of the way! You shouted and said words and got angry and they moved out the way! I closed my eyes in case it was a horrible trick and next thing I was outside and you had your arms around me. I was all confused but as I stood there I had this huge thought. I knew why you had come and sat with me and brought me nice things. You had come to rescue me."
"You said I had escaped from the first bad place and came back for you," Jack repeated still trying to come to terms with Ianto's version of that terrible day, because as far as he knew Ianto had no idea he had been on the Valiant with him.
"In your dreams you ask the bad man not to hurt me over and over again. Sometimes you ask him not to hurt you and you call him by his name. So I know we were there together." He saw Jack acknowledge this with a nod. Although they had never directly spoken to each other about their respective ordeals it made complete sense that Ianto had worked this out.
"And that's how I know I was not brave," Ianto declared.
"How?" Jack blurted out bewildered. "How does that make you a coward?" He corrected himself. "How does me rescuing you make you not brave?"
"I've been having this big thought. I woke up with it and I have been thinking and thinking to work it out and I know I am not brave."
"Ianto help me out here," Jack begged.
"I was there in the first bad place, and so were you. I know they did terrible things to you. If I had been brave, really brave I would have fought harder. I could have rescued you but I didn't. You came for me but I never came for you," Ianto said as he broke down. "You were so brave to come for me because I was thinking you must have escaped then you came back for me. You knew I needed you. You kept me safe and said you were there to get me out and it was true, all true. Every word was true, you held me and held me and kept me safe. You made me feel better inside, and then we came here far, far, away from the bad places and I knew I was safe," Ianto told him.
Dumbfounded and momentarily speechless at Ianto's revelation Jack looked at Ianto, reeling as he felt something tightly bound around him release. Floating he felt like he had been freed from some terrible imprisonment he never recognised or understood. The rush of its release made him light-headed as he tried to focus. Holding Ianto close the feeling washed over him. Moments passed as the feeling held him in its reverence and he felt its resonance travel through his soul. He opened his eyes to see Ianto his eyes whirling with distress believing he had failed Jack. As he came back into himself he felt another growing imperative begin its relentless pressure and Geoff's questions came to him. This could not continue Ianto needed to understand the truth.
Taking Ianto's hand he wrapped his around it and pulled it into his chest and looked into Ianto's eyes.
"So you woke up with a huge thought and felt you let me down because you were not brave enough to fight against the bad man and rescue me." Jack felt Ianto whole body stiffen at his words. "I think we need to explore being brave. Can I tell you a story? It's about a very brave man," Jack requested gently.
"Okay," Ianto said a little unsure.
"I promise it will help. It's a very brave tale about a very brave man," Jack assured him and began. "This brave man worked at Torchwood."
"Like Owen and Tosh, Gwen and you," Ianto checked, not sure why Jack was telling him this but trusted Jack's promise that it would help so he pursed his lips in concentration.
"We did lots of different things at Torchwood. We went on all sorts of exciting adventures. Sometimes funny things happened and we would all laugh other times it was really scary."
"What is Torchwood?"
"Torchwood is a group of people who keep people safe. Our base was underground."
"Was it all nice warm and comfy like a Hobbit hole?" Ianto asked.
"Yes only much bigger. We worked from our underground base and went out on adventures. We had to work very hard to keep people safe because that was our job. We called it 'the Hub' and it looked a bit like an underground railway station in London like we saw in one of your books," Jack explained.
"Has it got loads of tunnels? Jack nodded. "I've have somewhere like that in my dreams. It's really big inside like a cave and Myfanwy is a huge dragon and she nests up near the top," Ianto added.
"Yes very much like that."
"So what did this man do?"
"He did lots of things. He looked after everyone by making sure we had all the right equipment. He helped me do all my paperwork because I am useless as things like that. His coffee was astounding." Ianto wrinkled his nose he was still coming to terms with coffee. Jack loved it but he was not sure it smelt lovely but tasted bitter. "His roles were to make sure we had the right information and be in the right place at the right time. And he made sure all equipment was put away properly in the right place once we were finished."
"I do that, I like everything in order and things are put away proper," Ianto declared. "Did he also go out on adventures?"
"Yes he did. Sometimes the adventure came to us. One night some bad flying monster fish got into 'the Hub.' They had very sharp teeth and they hurt Gwen and Tosh very badly. Injured himself he managed to find a way to beat them."
"How did he beat them?" Ianto asked and saw a smile grow on Jack's face.
"Ianto there are beings out there that don't take kindly to be covered in boiling hot coffee. As effective as this was he realised it was not hot coffee that was required; just coffee, the stronger the better. Coffee was the solution because for these creatures it was a deadly poison. Working quickly he moved Gwen and Tosh to a safe place and treated their injuries as best he could. Then he brewed up a massive batch of coffee and filled up several water cannons he found in Owen's locker."
"Woh," Ianto said wiggling slightly from excitement.
"As they swooped down to attack he gave them a good spray of coffee. Next thing they're flapping around and crashing to the ground and within moments they were all dead. Owen and I turned up at this point." Jack smiled to himself at the recollection of finding a very dishevelled Ianto soaked in coffee standing before an industrial-sized stock pot half-filled with black liquid. He recalled how Owen had dipped in a finger and made a disparaging remark about the quality. Rolling his eyes Ianto had aimed downwards and then pumped out the remains of the coffee in the water cannon he was holding directly at Owen's crotch.
"That was clever; I wish I could think that quickly."
Jack hugged him. "Then one day something terrible happened. A man called Harold Saxon became Prime Minster." Jack knew Ianto took very little interest in politics so explained what this meant.
"So everyone voted for him," Ianto struggled to understand.
Jack nodded. "That's right; the one with the most votes wins. To begin with everyone liked him because he had promised to make people's lives better. Then he called a meeting on board the fleet vessel. He killed the American President then unleashed these horrible metal flying monsters. He sent them out and they flew around people and cut them with sharp knives. He called himself the 'Master'." He felt Ianto shudder. "He started destroying everything and forced people to start building rockets so he could send the monsters to other places and hurt people there as well."
"He was a very bad man to make monsters kill people."
"Well as I said Torchwood had an underground base hidden away."
"And they went on adventures to keep people safe," Ianto squirmed caught up in the tale. "I bet they did something to help people," he said knowingly.
"Yes Ianto, the team at Torchwood decided to fight back. They set up a resistance. To keep themselves safe they all gave themselves secret names and the brave man I am telling you about chose 'Axel' as his name."
"Like wheels need an Axel? What does resistance mean?" Ianto asked two questions in quick succession.
"It means fighting back in every way you can but in secret. That way the bad people didn't know who was fighting them. And yes axel like a wheel," Jack explained.
"He must have been very brave standing against the bad man and his flying monsters."
"He was. Axel and the team at Torchwood fought back. He and his group did all sorts of things. They blew up railway lines, roads, and water mains. Attacked shipments meant for the bad man on the Valiant. Set up escape routes to move people to safe places, and brought them supplies like medicine and food. Axel did many brave things and the Master hated him and he made him angry."
"The bad man was scary when he was angry," Ianto admitted.
"Then one night something went wrong and Axel was caught. He was taken to the Valiant and held prisoner. Even here he was most courageous which means extra brave. The Master tried everything he could to make him tell him the other people's names who were helping him. But no matter what the Master did he refused to give him one name. They hurt him, and did the cruellest possible horrible things to him but he remained silent. He was so courageous that word got out down to the people below and he became a legend. People on the ground fought even harder knowing how much he was suffering for them."
"That was very brave," Ianto admitted softly.
"Would you like to know his name?" Jack asked him.
Ianto nodded, thinking this was the bravest man he had ever heard of.
"His name is Ianto Jones," he said softly
"That's my name," Ianto said.
"That's right Ianto that's your name."
Ianto screwed up his face as he thought.
"And do you want to know where the Ianto Jones I knew is? Where the man who was known as Axel is right this very moment?" Jack saw Ianto nod as he looked into his eyes. "He's right here in my arms," Jack kissed him. "And he is the bravest most courageous man I have ever met and I love him," he said as tears flowed down his face.
"I can't be Jack how can that be me? I'm scared and worried all the time, how can this brave person who did all these things be me?"
"Well, Ianto, it's the truth. You are my Ianto Jones, you worked at Torchwood. You saved Gwen, Tosh, and Owen's lives many times over. You were 'Axel', the man who stood up to be counted even though you knew you couldn't win because that is the kind of man you are Ianto. You endured the unthinkable to keep everyone one you knew from suffering the same fate." Jack paused momentarily as he felt an involuntary shiver run down his back. The truth needed to be told today; all of it. He had to trust Ianto was the man he believed him to be. All he could do was trust that Ianto had told him truth when he has stated that that the love they shared for each other was all that mattered.
Jack took a huge breath and let it out slowly. "Now you will need to be very brave. You were right Ianto I was on the Valiant at the same time. The Master held me captive and really hurt me so I know how strong he was. I tell you there was no way you could have rescued me because there was someone else on board who was even stronger. You have met him; he is the nice man who gave you the tin of sweets. He was held prisoner as well. He's called 'the Doctor.' He's the man with the TARDIS, the magic blue box," Jack declared then held his breath as Ianto let go of his hands, placed them on Jack's shoulder and pushed away
"So the 'Man in Grey' was there! He came in the magic blue box and he didn't rescue me." Ianto broke down and Jack grabbed his hands.
"He couldn't rescue you Ianto, because he's me," he stated. "I'm the Man in Grey."
Ianto stopped struggling and looked at him, bewildered, the words echoed through his mind as he stared at Jack. "How…you!" Ianto stammered.
"We worked together at Torchwood. I was waiting for the Doctor a long time." Jack started to speak faster and faster. "Your last recollection is of me running off to catch up with him. Everything that happened, all your hurt and pain…" Jack broke down. "I left you a note telling you I was coming back, but it fell and…you never found it. Forgive me, Ianto, I never meant for all this to happen," he sobbed.
"I'm confused," Ianto said, blinking his heart pounding. He studied Jack as if he was seeing him for the first time.
"It's entirely my fault Ianto, everything…I'm so scared…I can't lose you. I love you so much. Everything I've done for you is because I love you."
"I love you Jack, please don't leave me," Ianto burst out as his fears of losing Jack came to the fore. That if Jack was the Man in Grey he might leave with the Doctor in his blue box.
"I'm never going to leave Ianto, never! You are my life. When I got back you were gone. I had no idea where you were; none of us did. You just disappeared. When we discovered where you were all I could think of was reaching you as fast as I could..." Jack stammered in explanation.
The confusion cleared from Ianto's face and his eyes widened in understanding. "So that's how you knew my name!" Ianto burst out. "Jack! You came for me!" Ianto threw his arms around Jack. "I've found you at last. You were here all along. You didn't leave me, you came, you saved me and took me away from the bad place," Ianto declared holding on to Jack with all his strength. "Now I know why I love you so much, you are my Jack. You knew my name and you came back to the bad place and stopped the bad things happening." He took a pause and pulled back to look at Jack. "I was confused because you were so like the Man in Grey. I wanted you so bad and I couldn't understand how I could love you and him so much at the same time," Ianto admitted.
"This has been my biggest fear Ianto, that you would hate me. Forgive me Ianto for not telling you and for all this. I was so scared you would never want to see me again," Jack told him.
"I could never hate you Jack, you are everything. I love you," Ianto assured him.
"So you never did anything bad Ianto, the Master was so strong; he did terrible things to you and to me."
"But you got away and came back for me. I was so confused to why you came to the bad place. Now I understand, you had to be sneaky," he added as it was Jack's turn to look looked confused. "You couldn't tell them who you were. If you had they would have taken you back and done more terrible things. So you had to hide so you couldn't say who you were, not to anyone, not even to me. You had to pretend, to get me away," Ianto explained.
"That was very clever and brave. It must have been so scary pretending and not being able to tell even me."
Jack listened to Ianto work this revelation through. The conversation had so many turns he was trying to keep up; he felt himself lose his focus when he heard Ianto ask a question. "So the Master must be gone if you're telling me this?" he asked cautiously. "You're telling me so it must be safe now?" he added.
"Oh yes Ianto we're completely safe. The Doctor defeated him," Jack said not sure exactly what he was being asked.
"So I don't have to scared anymore and worry about the bad thing?" Ianto looked hopeful.
"No you don't have to be scared anymore."
A dawning look grew on Ianto's face; he lit up as he made another realisation. "So that's why the Doctor came in the magic blue box. To tell you he had beaten the bad man and…" He let out a whoop of joy. "I love you Jack, we're free," he said as he kissed him, holding him as close as he could.
"Yes, he is dead and he can't hurt either of us ever again," Jack said when they pulled back.
"Good, he was not a nice man," Ianto declared. "What does defeated mean?"
"It means that, he is gone, dead forever," Jack stated.
Ianto now looked adoringly at him. "You came for me and you've been keeping me here safe all this time. Jack, you 're my hero," he said trying to hold Jack closer if that were possible. "It means we can stay here forever and be happy and safe for real," Ianto told him. He looked up at Jack, still in wonder that this really was the 'Man in Grey'.
"Now we can both work at getting better." Ianto looked deep into Jack's eyes after several quiet moments passed. "I will help I've been trying really hard but I will try even harder."
"You help me Ianto, you help me every day by just being here. All I need is your love and I will get better," Jack assured him.
"I do love you. The feeling I have is so big you can't see where it begins or ends, up down or sideways. It's enormous and it will never run out."
"Ianto you're the most amazing person."
"I'm not sure, big feelings can be very scary. I think I scared Tosh and hurt Myfanwy." He was about to say more when he found Myfanwy next to him. "I am so sorry I didn't mean to hurt you," he told her as he pulled her between himself and Jack and gave her a quick check and saw as tiny tear.
"We can fix that," Jack told him. "All fighting dragons need a few scars. A couple of stitches and she will be as good as new."
Ianto smiled. "Yes, and now I know you are you, we can fix anything," Ianto declared.
Watching from the kitchen Tosh squeezed Owen's hand.
"I think that's my cue to leave," he said very quietly.
"Thank you," Tosh said as they moved towards the front door.
"You know it's bloody hard being the cavalry."
To his surprise Tosh kissed his cheek. "That's for being simply wonderful."
He looked at her touched at her gentleness. He moved to leave; reaching the door he turned. "When you get back, er...let's go on that date," he said quickly.
"I'd like that very much," she replied with a twinkle in her eye.
"Right then my trusty steed awaits. I shall now ride off into the sunset in the mighty TARDIS and go home and get myself a stiff drink." He put his hand on his chest. "And recover from the coronary I just had."
"Good night." Tosh blew him a kiss then closed the door, took a deep breath, and made a quiet squeal of joy.
His head on Jack's chest Ianto listened, comforted by the sound of Jack's heartbeat and felt himself drawn into sleep.
He found himself as he often did in his dreams in that strange open place with the pillars and by the silver waterfall.
He saw the Man in Grey running towards the magic blue box and he called out to him as he had a thousand times.
"Please don't go I love you." Ianto called out. To his surprise this time instead of running away the man turned, smiling, and ran up to him. As he got closer he realised it was Jack.
Ianto ran into his arms. "You're leaving?"
"Ianto, I have to go with the Doctor but I will be back I promise."
"What if I get lost and you can't find me?"
"I will find you, wait for me and I will come."
"But you might be gone for so long I might forget what you look like," Ianto pointed out.
"You will know it's me because I will give you your name."
"I will wait for you. I love you Jack."
"I love you Ianto." Jack took him in his arms and they kissed expressing their love for each other more deeply that any word could convey.
"Wait for me and I will come," Jack said as the kiss ended.
"I will Jack I will wait." Jack kissed him gently on the lips.
"I love you Ianto, remember I will use your name, I will call you Ianto Jones," Jack called back he started running towards the blue box.
Ianto watched as Jack now reached the TARDIS and leapt on.
"Remember," he heard Jack cry out as the TARDIS vanished.
"I am Ianto Jones," he mumbled to himself and felt Jack's arms around him keeping him safe and he slept.