Chapter 13

Matthew drew a deep breath.

"Lovino?"

He heard the other scoff. "Who else would it be, idiota? Do you know another Lovino Vargas?"

Matthew laughed. "Just being polite. Anyway, I just wondered how things were going back home."

He heard Lovino scoff. "Why ask me? Ask your brother. Or Feli. If you want someone to talk your ear off, use that idiot."

"I've already spoken to Al. And actually, I'd rather talk to you than your brother, Lovi" Matthew replied calmly.

The line was silent for a moment. After a while, Lovino replied, his voice slightly surprised.

"What did you want to talk about? I'm not gonna chat like some stupid high school girl, if that's what you want."

Matthew smiled. "I just wanted to know how things were going back home, that's all."

"That's it? You wanna keep up with all the gossip?"

Matthew didn't reply. Lovino kept quiet for a moment, as though biting off one of his usual sarcastic comments. Eventually, he sighed.

"It's been two days, idiot. How do you think things are going?"

Success at last! Matthew thought. Instead, he said lightly

"Well, I suppose. But tell me, how did your first session go? Is Mr Carriedo nice?"

On the other end of the phone, Lovino flushed, frowning. "W-what's that got to do with anything, bastardo?" he asked. Matthew chuckled.

"Just wondering. But seriously, don't let them get you down. You can do this, Lovi. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise."

"Yeah, yeah. Easy for you to say, jerk."

Matthew quirked a smile. "I know. How was practice, then? Is the team ok?"

He could almost hear Lovino roll his eyes. "I suppose. Feli ran around like an idiot telling everyone to 'be nice to me and include me' and all that crap. Potato bastard made me introduce myself like some idiota, like he doesn't know they all know me anyway. And your brother said something like 'as long as you don't try to break my arm again, we're cool'. And he called me dude, which is stupid." He sighed. "But, I suppose he's helping. But they're all still jerks!"

Matthew couldn't stop a smile from spreading across his face at his words. "So, all things considered, its going well, then?" he asked lightly.

The reply came quiet, and grudgingly. "….I suppose it could be worse." Lovino tried to sound angry, but didn't quite manage it.

"Well, I'm glad. I don't have much to tell over here, I'm afraid. It's very green, and quiet. Paris was amazing. I met up with a guy I started talking to on the flight, and I think by the end of the day he was hitting on my cousin – only she's not really my cousin, my grandparents adopted her so it's just easier to explain – and from the way she blushed I reckon she's pretty into him too. Then I had a long talk with my father and we smoothed things over. Then he suggested I check in with everyone back home, so."

If Lovino could tell he was holding something back, he didn't comment on it. Instead, he asked "So how long are you going to be? Not that I care, but I don't trust Alfredo or fratello to take your work for you and it's gonna be a real chore taking notes for you, jerk."

Matthew smiled again. He walked over to where a calendar hung up on the wall. "I don't know. I haven't really talked to my grandparents properly yet, but probably tomorrow. I think papa-eh, Francis, said the doctor is coming to the house the day after tomorrow, so I suppose it depends on, well…" he trailed off, not needing to finish the words.

The line was silent for a long time.

"I'm sorry. Matteo." Lovino sounded uncharacteristically quiet. Matthew blinked back tears, the reality of the situation suddenly hitting him again.

"Thank you, Lovino. That means a lot."

Lovino went quiet again, as though he was gathering up courage to speak. When he finally replied, it was hesitant, as if he was unsure.

"If- if you ever need to talk, I'll listen. I know what it's like. When mama…went, I would have liked to talk to someone. So, if you need to, I'll be here."

Matthew blinked in surprise. For Lovino to say something so serious, without adding his usual interjection or denial, was completely unexpected, but welcome. He felt a rush of gratitude.

"Thank you, Lovi. You have no idea what that means to me."

Lovino coughed, hiding his embarrassment. "yeah, well. Don't think you're anything special. I just think no one should have to face loss alone, that's all."

I won't be alone. I'll have papa, and Michelle, and grandfather, and everyone else. Matthew knew that would be callous to say, however.

"Well, thanks. And I'm sorry for your loss" he replied.

Lovino muttered a thanks, sounding distant. Trying to lighten the mood, Matthew stated

"You can tell Feli and Al I've got them souvenirs. Tell Al his is super cool. And I hope Feli likes his. I tried to find something he would like, and I think I managed."

Now Lovino sounded his usual angry self. "Oh yeah? And what about me, bastard? Do I not get anything?"

Matthew laughed. "Of course. But wouldn't it ruin it if I told you what it was?"

Lovino simply huffed. Matthew took that to mean yes.

How much of a surprise would it be, I wonder, if I told you the truth?

Not wishing to dwell on that thought, he said brightly "well, I'll be here for a while yet, so if there's anything you want, let me know. There's so many shops here, I could get just about anything. And the food! Michelle took me to a little sweet shop, and I don't think I've ever seen so much sugar in my life! It's true what they say, the chefs here really are the best. It's going to be strange coming home after this, but it makes me very glad dad isn't allowed in the kitchen any more. I don't think there's any way I'd be able to stomach his food after this!"

Lovino held back a cough of laughter. He remembered Matthew telling him about Arthur's disastrous attempts at cooking before, resulting in numerous burnt dishes and one eventful visit from the fire brigade, who politely suggested that perhaps his talents did not extend to the culinary arts. Since then Amelia had been in charge of the kitchen, and both Matthew and Alfred were extremely glad of it.

They talked for a while longer, with Matthew repeating his plea to Lovino to 'just keep your cool and stick it to them if they say anything' as well as the likely futile jest to be nice to his brother, to which Lovino simply scoffed.

"Yeah, yeah. Play nice to Feli, play nice with the team, listen to the tomato bastard. I get it. Now get off my back."

Lovino's voice lacked his usual anger, though. He sounded more resigned than anything, Matthew thought. Which was a good thing.

As an afterthought, he remembered to pass on Francis' greeting to Antonio, earning another scoff from Lovino.

"What does he think I am, huh? A fucking mailman?"

"Language, Lovino."

That simply earned him more of the same.

After promising that he would ring again soon and that he would keep a lookout for any good presents, Matthew ended the call and sat back, thinking.

I wonder if I ever would tell him.

It was all conjecture, anyway. Nothing more than pure fantasy. After all, Matthew hadn't ever had any hints that Lovino might feel the same way, although if his blushing at the mention of his counsellor was anything to go by then there was at least some hope that he wouldn't be met with disgust, at least.

No. Better to not say anything and at least have the possibility of something happening, than ruin what little friendship Lovino had by blurting out a confession that would likely be met with nothing more than awkwardness and scorn at best, and outright derision and rejection at most.

With that out of the way, Matthew threw his phone down on the bed and went downstairs to find the rest of the family.

Lovino sat back and stared at his phone. He had been surprised, to say the least, seeing his screen light up with the incoming call. He hadn't forgotten Matthew's promise that he would keep in touch, but as with any display of affection or friendship, he had paid it little mind, assuming that Matthew meant his brother, as usual.

If he was honest, though, it was nice. He had never been the sort of person to spend hours texting and calling friends anyway, but his behaviour had pushed away the few friends he had to the point that he couldn't remember the last time his phone hand rung for anyone other than family. It was only due to his own laziness that he hadn't deleted any of his few contacts to accept Matthew's call at all.

The conversation lingered in Lovino's mind. He knew that he shouldn't think of it as anything more than Matthew's generally good-natured attitude, but somehow his words felt more genuine than the constant reassurances and praise that he was being showered with by his grandfather and Antonio.

The fact that Matthew had chosen to speak to him rather than his brother was surprising as well. He had naturally assumed that Matthew would want to talk to Feliciano, as everyone else did. It was a small gesture, but it was strangely gratifying somehow.

As to what he had told Matthew, it was true. He thought back to his first session with Antonio.

Lovino had entered school that morning with resignation. After sitting through his homeroom session, Feliciano chattering away next to him the whole time, the bell had finally rung and the day began.

He was surprised to find how much he had missed of his lessons. Although he had tried to catch up as much as possible during his suspension, it came as a shock that all the times he had skipped classes had accumulated rather quickly, and he was now further behind than he thought.

The morning dragged on. The bell rang for the break, and Feliciano immediately took the opportunity to grab his brother's arm and drag him to where the rest of the group. He had stood there awkwardly as everyone chatted, Alfred yelling in his typical fashion while the others either carried on quieter conversations or wandered off to grab a bite to eat.

He had found himself approached, surprisingly, by Kiku, one of Feliciano's best friends.

"Are you alright, Lovino-kun?"

Lovino had turned to him in surprise, about to mutter a comment, but, seeing the serious expression on the boy's pale face, he let the words die and simply sighed.

"What do you think?" he replied.

Kiku quirked a smile at him. "It isn't easy to fit in at school, especially if you have problems. Or are…different."

Lovino shot him a glare. "What would you know? You're a poster boy for model students."

Again the slight, barely noticeable smile. "Maybe. But I know what it's like to be in the shadow of those who are a lot, well, louder." He looked over to where Feliciano was chattering loudly to the others. From the looks of it, he was being teased about something by Yong-Soo and a girl with long dark hair and a flower behind her ear, making him blush deeply and try to hide behind Alfred, who was laughing as well.

Vaugely, Lovino remembered her name was Mei. She and Kiku were cousins, or something, he thought.

"Family can often be the worst, can they not?"

Lovino looked back at Kiku. He was watching Mei, Yong-Soo and Leon with a blank expression, but Lovino could tell what he meant.

"How many cousins do you even have?" he asked bluntly.

Kiki frowned slightly. "A lot. Sometimes, too many. Our house is large, and Yao likes company" he answered vaguely.

Lovino put a hand to his head. Is he purposely vague or just annoying? He thought.

He was saved from having to reply by the bell ringing for the end of the break. Feliciano stopped chattering and bounded over to him to grab his arm again. Lovino shook him off roughly.

"Get off, idiota. What are you, my damn jailor?"

Feliciano pouted. "But Loooovvviii. We gotta get to class now!" he whined.

Lovino frowned. "You do, dumb fratellino. I have to go see the stupid tomato bastard now."

Feliciano let go of him and clapped his hands together. "Yay! You remembered!"

"What? If you knew, why did you…ah, forget it. You're an idiot. Get to class."

Feliciano didn't seem bothered by that. Instead, he let Alfred turn him around and start steering him down the corridor to their class, only to stop and turn around halfway down to shout back

"Say hi to Mr. Carriedo for me! And be nice!"

Lovino flushed. He told himself it was because of the embarrassment of his brother yelling at him along the hallway, and not the prospect of spending an hour with his newly appointed and entirely unwanted counsellor.

He lingered as long as possible in the corridor, until the last few students had made their way to class, before finally setting off. His feet took him along the halls until he stood outside the newly painted office with its small, clear sign.

A. F. Carriedo, School Counsellor.

Standing there in trepidation, he slowly lifted his hand and knocked on the door. He waited, hearing the faint sound of papers shuffling, until he heard the spaniard's cheery voice ring out.

"If that's you, Lovi, come in!"

Sighing, he turned the handle and opened the door. Antonio looked up and grinned at him.

"Lovi! You made it!"

Lovino rolled his eyes. "Who else was it gonna be, bastard?" he muttered. He took a quick glance around the room. Antonio had obviously tried to make it as welcoming as possible, given the general dullness of a school office, but it had worked, to an extent. His desk was set to one side, allowing both he and the student to look out across the grounds out of the wide windows. This arrangement also allowed the sun to stream in, bathing the room in soft yellow light that did wonders to dispel the white glow that would otherwise have made the room look far too clinical.

His personal touches were also evident. The bookcase behind his desk, although containing his textbooks and folders, was also holding, amongst other things, a mismatched set of lion bookends, a battered copy of the oxford English dictionary, and a mug emblazoned with something in Spanish that Lovino couldn't read from where he stood but was probably the kind of good-natured crudity that adults seemed to find hilarious. He scowled.

Slinging his bag to the side, he sat down on the low, chaise-longue-imitating chair that was obviously designed to look appealing, but utterly failed. He looked down at his hands.

Antonio let him sit in silence for a moment, then spoke.

"So. What do you wanna talk about today, Lovino?"

Lovino raised his head, confused.

"What do you mean, bastard?"

Antonio tutted. "Language, Lovi. Anyway. You thought this was gonna be another lecture, didn't you?"

Lovino looked down at his hands again, shrugging.

"Lo~vi, look at me."

He did, reluctantly. Antonio placed his elbows on the table and laced his fingers together, then stared at him.

"I'm not gonna give you a lecture, Lovi. The fact that you actually came today is a brilliant start for you."

Lovino scowled at him.

Antonio ignored him, continuing calmly. "It shows that you really are committed to this. OF course, you could get up and leave at any moment and I probably wouldn't stop you, but I would be obliged to tell your grandfather. And I'm guessing you wouldn't want that."

Lovino stared at him in shock. "Are counsellors supposed to blackmail their students, bastard?" he asked.

Antonio shrugged. "Probably not. Are students supposed to address their counsellors, or any adult for that matter, as bastard?"

Lovino kept scowling, but flushed slightly at the chide.

Antonio didn't seem particularly bothered, however, and continued. "But you are not just my student, Lovi. Of course I am required to help you as a student, but I do not care about the school's records. I care about you."

His voice softened. "When I look at you, I still see the little boy I watched run around my fields in summer and eat all of my tomatoes. Tell me, Lovi, what happened?"

Lovino simply kept his scowl. Antonio kept a light smile on his face, waiting. Lovino tore his gaze away and stared down again, shrugging.

Antonio stayed silent. So did Lovino.

Eventually, the teen muttered something.

"What was that?" Antonio asked.

Lovino didn't repeat it, but his face flushed angrily. Again, Antonio simply waited until the silence grew too long.

"Feli."

Antonio smiled.

"See, that wasn't so hard, was it? Now, what about Feli?"

Lovino scowled. "Everything."

Antonio raised an eyebrow. "Everything, huh? Wow, and he seems so nice!"

"Bastard. Don't be sarcastic. I didn't mean like that."

"Then what did you mean?" Antonio asked.

Lovino flushed again. He twisted his hands together, not wanting to reveal the truth. Now that he was here, opposite Antonio, everything seemed terribly childish, and he felt stupid for it all.

"Let me see if I get this right, then" Antonio cut in.

Lovino jerked his head up, frowning, but didn't say anything.

"So. Feli is, how would you say, excitable, si? Since you were both little, he's always been more open to the world. So, I would assume he is the same in class?"

Lovino nodded, slowly, reluctantly.

"So, lets imagine you are in class. You think it's boring, si? You just want it to be over? No?"

Seeing Lovino's frown, he raised an eyebrow. "No? See, your records show you had high grades before this, Lovi. Don't tell me you actually liked school?"

Another glare. "So what if I did, bastard?"

Antonio smiled. "Alright. So you kept your head down – relatively – and did your work. But what happened to change that? Why decide so suddenly that you don't want to?"

Lovino hunched his shoulders, refusing to look at the man.

Antonio sighed. "If you don't answer, Lovi, I'm just gonna keep guessing."

Lovino didn't reply, and kept his gaze stubbornly on the floor.

"Ok. I'm just gonna talk then, and you correct me if I get anything wrong."

No reply, but Lovino's scowl intensified. Antonio took this as a good sign, and started talking in a gentle tone.

"You've always been quieter than your brother. Not that you don't have quite the temper when you get angry- which you did an awful lot when you were little – but little Feli is a lot more open than you. You've put up with it all your life, but when you started school Feli found it easier to make friends. You stayed back and let him drag you around, but you did your work well and didn't make a fuss unless you were angry. You grew up, and now you're in high school. You don't wanna be popular, but your brother is, and you can't help but feel left out even if you tell yourself that you don't care. You think that if you keep working hard and get good grades then you can make up for not being popular, but you find it doesn't make any difference because no-one really notices."

He kept his voice calm and level, judging the boy's reaction. Lovino sat sullenly quiet, studiously ignoring him. His brows twitched, however.

Antonio continued. "So you began to sit back, not try as hard and see if that works. When you still get left aside, you start to get angry, because perhaps it doesn't matter what the attention is as long as people notice you? This works for a while, because you get a reputation as a troublemaker and being disruptive, but soon the teachers don't want to deal with you and now you're getting stared at in anger, which you hate despite telling yourself that you don't care. So you begin to skip classes completely, because you think that if no one is gonna notice you then there is no point going there at all. Besides, they all seem to care for your brother more than you anyway, so you aren't even going to be missed. Now you realise that you have a chance to change, but you think you are so far along this path that there is no point turning around."

Lovino was still staring at his hands, clenched so tight that his knuckles were white. His face was tilted down, trying and not quite succeeding to hide the fact that he was perilously close to tears.

Antonio kept his voice infinitely gentle as he spoke. "So now you are at war with yourself and the world, because you are realising that things were not so very bad as you thought, and now you are feeling like you were a little fool, but you were too wrapped up in your anger and hate to see that there are a lot of people who care about you and welcome you. So now you still want to push them away because you cannot bear to be rejected again, but you also desperately want someone to hold you and accept you and tell you that everything will be alright. Because you don't want to believe that it will be."

He stopped suddenly.

"Is that about right, Lovino?" he asked.

Lovino blinked, the motion releasing the tightly-controlled tears he had tried to hard to keep at bay. He drew a sleeve across his eyes roughly, refusing to look up.

"So you think I'm a stupid little fool who got himself all worked up over nothing, don't you? You bastard. You complete b-bastard. I hate you!" he snarled, or tried to. The effect was completely lost by the way his voice wobbled.

Antonio simply sat back and let Lovino yell at him. He knew that the act of venting all the jumbled, tangled mess of his feelings was precisely what Lovino needed.

"I do not think you are a fool. I do think you have overblown things a little, but that is not your fault. It may not be noticeable to anyone else, but to you, your feelings are very real, and that is all that matters to me."

Lovino scoffed, or as well as he could through a throat clogged with tears. "Why would you care, stupid bastard?" he said.

Antonio quelled the urge to roll his eyes at the teen's typical overdramatics. Outwardly, however, he simply sighed. "Lovino, give me a break here. You are not stupid, I know you aren't. Don't demean either of us by saying stupid things."

Lovino bristled, but at least stayed quiet.

"I do care. Do you really think that I would drop everything to move to a different country on nothing more than the concern of an old friend that his grandson is acting up and needs help?"

He sighed again, louder this time. "I do not want to lecture you, Lovi. I could repeat what you have no doubt heard before, but that is not what you need."

A raised eyebrow. "Oh?" Lovino challenged. "Tell me' he said, regaining his usual sarcasm 'what does the great counsellor say I 'need'?"

Antonio again held back a rather strong desire to say something along the lines of the fact that a sound thrashing wouldn't go amiss, but instead replied in a level tone,

"reassurance. You simply need someone to believe in you. You have distanced yourself from everyone to such an extent that you now believe you are not worth attention. Well, I believe in you, Lovi, and I know you can't see that you are worth so, so much more than you think, and I want you to be able to see it too." He stared at Lovino, who tried his best to keep his scowl in place.

Antonio held his stare until Lovino's face flushed deeply, and he wrenched his gaze away, staring at the wall behind his desk.

"There is only one thing I can say. I want to help you, Lovino. Will you let me try?"

Lovino kept staring at the wall. Antonio sighed. I am sorry, Roma. It seems as though even I cannot do anything for him.

Then, astoundingly, Lovino nodded. It was the barest tilt of his head, barely more than a fraction of an inch, but it was there.

Antonio's face broke out into a wide smile. "Thank you, Lovi. It would have been very difficult to explain to your grandfather that even I couldn't get through to you." He chuckled.

Lovino muttered something.

"What was that, Lovino?"

Another scowl.

"Lo~vi."

"I said you're still a bastard and I hate you!" he snapped. Antonio laughed again, then got up from the desk and came to stand beside Lovino's chair.

"Dios mio, but you really have not changed since you were little. Still my stubborn little Lovi." He ruffled his hair affectionately, making sure to avoid the wayward curl that stuck out on the side of his head. Lovino slapped his hand away roughly, his face flushed deep red.

Antonio looked at the clock. It hadn't been the full hour, but he didn't think Lovino would mind.

"Well, in any case, I am very glad that you told me everything, Lovi." Never mind that it had in fact been the other way around, but close enough.

"Now, do you want to stay here until the bell rings? I need to look over your work so far."

Lovino twisted his mouth in a thin line, but reluctantly unzipped his bag and handed over his books, snatching back his hand as soon as Antonio took them.

They spent the next quarter of an hour in silence, Antonio flicking through the pages, occasionally humming, while Lovino took the opportunity to take his phone out his pocket and flick through it. To his surprise, he had a text from Matthew, reminding him to 'be nice to Mr Carriedo' and that he wanted to know how it went afterwards. He also seemed to have sent a text that he missed him, which Lovino dismissed as being sent to the wrong person. He was still puzzling over it when he heard the bell ring, signalling the end of the session.

Antonio looked up at the sound, shuffling the books back together. He handed them over to Lovino, who took them equally as quickly as before and shoved them back in his bag. He stared at the phone in his hand, not looking up at Antonio.

"Don't look so scared, Lovi. Your work is good. Better than good. Just keep paying attention and keep your head down, ok? I know it's hard, but don't let anything anyone says get to you."

Lovino frowned, but didn't say anything. That was a great start, Antonio thought. That or he wasn't listening. Antonio looked down to where Lovino was apparently engrossed in his phone.

"Is everything ok?" he asked, concerned.

Lovino's head shot up. "It's fine. Nothing" he said quickly.

Antonio raised an eyebrow at him, but didn't comment. Hearing the rush of students outside, he stood up and walked over to the door, holding it open.

To no-ones particular surprise, Feliciano stood outside, Alfred at his side, texting someone, probably Matthew. When he saw the door open, Feliciano gasped happily.

"Fratello!" he lunged forward to grab Lovino, who took a step back at the sudden weight. Alfred simply waved at him.

"Hey dude. Oh, uh and Mr Carriedo. Sir." He nodded respectfully at Antonio, who chuckled.

"Go on, Lovi. Back to class. See you later!" he all but pushed Lovino out of the door, making both brothers stumble. Alfred reached out an arm and steadied them absently.

Lovino kept staring at his phone, looking confused. Feliciano let go of him and bounced over to Antonio.

"Was he good? Please say he was good. Nonno's gonna be mad if he wasn't, and then he'll get mad at you and he won't invite you over for dinner anymore. And I really like it when you come over and tell funny stories. Do I have to hit him again?"

Antonio laughed. "Hola, Feli. Yes, Lovi was remarkably good. Weren't you, Lovi?"

The other ignored them, still staring at his phone in puzzlement. Antonio frowned quickly in concern.

"Wait, when did you hit your brother before?" he narrowed his eyes at Feliciano.

The boy looked suitably sheepish. "The day you were first here. When I went up to give Lovi the letter, I was so angry I kind of punched him. It really hurt my hand though."

Antonio's eyes brightened in comprehension. "Oh. So that's why his cheek was red when he came down with your grandfather. I did wonder." They both laughed.

"Anyway. Get to class, the three of you. I don't want your teacher to come down here and yell at me. Go on. Lovino, I'll see you on Friday, same time, alright?"

Still no acknowledgement. Lovino was now taking surreptitious glances at Matthew's phone, trying to see the screen. Feliciano and Antonio glanced at each other, confused.

"Fratello!" Feliciano all but yelled in his brother's ear, making him jump about a foot in the air.

"Che cazzo fa!" Lovino jerked his head up, slamming into Felicano's in the process, who had leant over to see what Lovino was looking at on his phone. The two immediately grabbed their heads, moaning in pain. Alfred looked up at the sound, then caught Antonio's eye. They both burst into loud laughs, smothered helplessly when both brothers turned to them, Lovino furious, Feliciano in pitying pain.

"For god's sake, fratellino, that fucking hurt!" Lovino snapped. For once, Antonio didn't correct him on his language. For his part, Feliciano simply held his head, whimpering.

"That huuuuuurrt, Lovi" he whined

"Well you shouldn't have been so close, then, idiota!"

"OK, guys, break it up. Gotta get to class now. See ya, Mr Carriedo sir!" Alfred said brightly. Grabbing each brother by their collar, he effortlessly dragged Feliciano and Lovino along the corridor, ignoring their protests.

Antonio watched them go, fondly. "Well, that could have been worse" he said, to the empty corridor. Then, with a smile, he went back into the office and closed the door, satisfied.