A~N: Hey thar, I was eating fried shark fin and kept laughing whenever I thought about Kisame. Disclaimer in previous chapter.
Asylum for the Unoriginal
Chapter Two: To Be Honest With You
Impossible (read: impossible pairing. Yeah, you know where I'm going with this, don't you?)
Summary: He was a cocky, arrogant jerk. She was a shy, sweet girl. They were as different as spring, winter moon and sun. (Lesson number one.) What happens when they fall in love. With a twist. AU. Rated M for the, um, ending.
Hinata Hyuuga is being dragged to a club by her friends, Sakura Haruno and Ino Yamanaka. She seems to be reluctant, but deep in her mind, she secretly wants to go. Once there, she parties hard, completely out of character. Completely.
After tiring herself out on the dance floor, she walks back to the seats and sits down, sipping her margarita foxily, her eyes darting around the club like an inmate looking for an escape around a thousand wardens. Except that she's looking for a boy to play with. (Yes, Hinata is OOC on purpose. Pay no attention to the summary.)
Sasuke Uchiha enters the club and orders a beer at the bar. He receives the beer and also looks around. Spotting Hinata closing her eyes from moving them too fast, he sees how beautiful she is and decides to hook up with her. He is hetero-flexible.
He finds out that they both love the same person: Naruto Uzumaki. The both of them have been trying a long, long time (back to kindergarten years)to get Naruto. Sadly and unfortunately, the object of their affections kept dancing out of their reach. Literally. He would dougie out of the way once the conversation got too serious or somebody got too. . . perverted. Yes indeed, Sasuke and Hinata are potential molesters and would actually be molesters if Naruto didn't know how to do the dougie.
In the end, they get in a cat fight and Sakura breaks them up, all the while flirting with Sasuke. "So, Sasuke, right? Are you dating anybody?" she asks, batting her eyelashes. Sasuke shoots her in the head with a random shotgun and storms angrily out of the club, not caring about the police. The end.
P.S. When I first heard about this pairing I was like,(to quote Ryan Higa) "WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN?" I was completely confused.
Reviews: 7
SasuSaku9764: What? Why did Sasuke shoot Sakura in the head?
Writer With A Brain: I seriously thought they were going to fall in love, and I did expect this from you, but seriously?
Troll102: LOL.
Umbrel14: I don't know if I can imagine Naruto doing the dougie.
SASUHINAFOREVERER: WTH THIS ISNT SASUHINA YOU SHOULD CHANGE IT TO "I DON'T HAVE ALIFE" YOU SICK –censored- !1!1
Noob: I don't know. This has a lot of potential. Keep on killing other annoying characters, you could pull this off.
Irealizedsomething: Ohhh, it's rated M for character death. . .
Genderbend
Summary: Akatsuki is genderbent! Oh nooo. (Yes, this is my own story.)
"Oh, no, Deidara. It seems as if I have turned into a girl, although I am a puppet and do not have genitalia," a female Sasori wails. "Whatever am I to do." It is not a question, it is a statement.
"I always felt like I was in love with you, and was very confused because I am straight! Let us go make out, since we have overcome the gender barrier! YOUTH!" Deidara replies ecstatically, and a no longer sad Sasori joins him in the living room.
Hidan walks in, now a female. "Oh ketchup, it seems that I have ketchup turned into a ketchup woman! Now I am forced to become a ketchup lesbian for Kakuzu, who has also turned into a girl!" She stomps off to go find Kakuzu. Girl Itachi enters the kitchen for dango, and is led by an arm-eating Girl Kisame to the roof where they do things.
Pein, now also a girl, is trying to find the (now male)Konan for molesting purposes. "I SUDDENLY WANT TO MOLEST KONAN! POINT ME TO HER."
Sasori, who is crushed beneath Deidara yet still enjoying making out with him, points to some random direction where Konan turns out to be.
"Oh, Konan-kun!" Pein the Female sings out in a fashion reminiscent of Sakura. Konan shudders but then falls in love with Pein after, like, five seconds. (The summary of most SasuSaku fics.)
Itachi goes on to cry over dango and act like she is smoking something and Kisame is forced to be a substitute nanny to get her out of trouble.
Tobi annoys Zetsu frequently and goes on to get addicted to barbecue sau—mustard. Yeah, mustard.
After marrying and waiting years for Shippuden, they then take over the world. None of them die. The end.
P.S. Oh, okay, okay, I wished I could've done this in the actual ABB(which isn't complete yet), but I was young and noobish then! (I admit, it was last last month that I started it—but that's still young!)
Reviews: 3
AIFSas912: What.
Sasodeiyaoi: I love this!
Writer With A Brain: That was. . . fast.
My Quest (retch)
Summary: Asdfalianna Qwerty is on a quest. ItachixOC DeidaraxOC ZetsuxOC NOT A MARY SUE NOT A MARY SUE STOP SAYING SHE IS (with an actual twist!)
AN: So like, thanks, Makuraisu Uchiha for like, betaing me. (this is makuraisu uchiha, please don't resent me, I was roped into this, I swear!) So like thanks to my dog for like, inspiring me!
Asdfalianna Bǖtéyful Bella Alice Janette Sakura Azumi Hinata Suzuki Qwerty had long golden blonde locks that would change into scarlet when she was angry, and a deep royal blue whenever she was sad. She was seventeen and had graceful and elegant curves that would always attract boys to her, and, in college when she was experimenting, girls. She had deep crystal mauve(note from makuraisu, mauve means purple if you don't know, the author thinks nobody knows that word) pools/orbs/hues/eyes that looked deep within your soul and made you love her with only one glance at her pools/orbs/hues/eyes.
Asdfalianna was walking along the dusty road wearing a dress shaped like this ()when she looked up from looking at her red and white striped Miu Miu heels ()and saw the Akatsuki right there! But she wasn't fazed. Not at all. "Oh, it's you," she purred seductively. (I, makuraisu, have no idea why the author made her seductive in front of ten S-rank missing-nin.) "Care to have. . . dinner tonight?" she asked two specific members, her beautiful violet pools/orbs/hues/eyes glittering. They quickly said yes.
She stepped around them and walked on, swaying her hips all the way. Her head exploded.
Konan said, "I hate that -censored-!" Akatsuki looked at Konan. She was holding a shotgun which was smoking. Akatsuki continued walking to their destination when they heard Asdfalianna's voice once again.
"You cannot kill me. I WILL NEVER DIE."
P.S. No seriously, it's like they never die. Unless it's in a particular fanfic which I love. And I'm thinking of doing this idea wherein—nah. Nevermind.
Reviews:4
ponpon: Wow, you have a surprisingly good beta. Although your story sucks. I liked the twist, though.
Witmycrew: oh no, not another terminator sue
ijustrealizedsomething: Ohhh, she's being seductive to seduce the two guys. . .
SUEPOLICE: WARNING. IF YOU DO NOT FIX THIS OC BY THE NEXT UPDATE, WE SHALL BE FORCED TO HUNT YOU DOWN AND –censored due to extremely horrible descriptions of torture and threats of death –
The Next Morning
Summary: The best overused story plot—Sasuke and Naruto get drunk and wake up the day after.
Sasuke Uchiha follows Naruto Uzumaki into a club full of dancing people. Who drink. While eating. And start choking. Sasuke snorts in contempt. They are all so stupid.
Naruto starts chatting up random people who ogle him, not noticing the stares and the complacent, glazed eyes of each person staring at him, ignoring the mouths lolling open and the drool starting to collect. Sasuke is disgusted with these people and is feeling possessive of Naruto, so he kicks butt, Chuck Norris style, for seemingly no reason, and leads his blonde companion to the bar. Naruto is confused. "What did you just d—"
"BATTOMSU APPSU!" The bartender yells, Japanese style. Naruto is even more confused. "But there isn't any beer yet—"
"Just shut up, Naruto, and drink," Sasuke growls, and starts downing shots of unidentifiable liquid. "Unless you're not man enough," he slyly adds in between shots.
"I'M A MAN!" Naruto yelps, and begins downing cans of beer from nowhere. He crushes them and throws them off to the side.
The next morning, a sophisticated Narrator with a French accent announces.
"Urgh, my butt hurts. . ." Naruto yelped sadly, like an Akamaru deprived of Kibbles and Bits.
"Of course, dobe. Last night when we played Dare-or-Drink we all dared Neji to kick your butt really hard. 'Course, you were too drunk then to protest."
"What?"
P.S. This cliché is just so cute!
Reviews: Over 9000+
Most of the Reviewers: OMG SASUNARU EEE!
Some of the Reviewers: This is nicely written blah blah blah.
Few of the Reviewers: Eh.
When We Were Young
Summary: Itachi writes a poem for Sasuke.
You'll never read thisbut
Do you remember that hut
When we were young?
Well, I accidentally dropped the cookie there
That you ate with great relish
Right after it was dropped
But you didn't know it was dropped
And dirty.
And I told your fangirls
Where you lived
Since you told Shisui my secret
That was supposed to be kept a secret
I was mad at you that time.
And I told that pink-haired girl
That you loved her
Hoping you would communicate with others
But apparently you hate her.
But lastly,
And most importantly,
I . . . took your hair gel with me when I left.
(P.S. I'm not sorry)
P.S. When I searched for Itachi poem, I got like, four pages. And most of them were angsty.
Reviews: 20
Half of the Reviewers: ITACHI IS SO EVIL!
Other Half of the Reviewers: THAT'S WHAT MAKES HIM SEXY!
Ijustrealizedsomething: Ohhh, so Sakura could not detect Itachi in a henge?
-insert number here- Days to -insert retch-worthy idea here(e.g. love, hope)-
Summary: Sakura/Ino/Tenten is forced to stay at a place for -insert number here- days to get them to fall in love with Sasuke/Shikamaru/Neji. AU.
"I will not go out with you, Sasuke/Shikamaru/Neji, although I secretly have feelings for you which will be developed at a later time and have not realized them yet," Sakura/Ino/Tenten intones with fire in her eyes for no reason.
"Why not? I am the most popular/coolest/handsomest/richest/insert other superficial trait here person in this whole school, and I secretly know that you have feelings for me which have escalated from a crush since the second grade. Hn/how troublesome/destiny," Sasuke/Shikamaru/Neji replies, slightly irritated. Only very slightly, though. He would never hate Sakura/Ino/Tenten.
"Because I do not like you," Sakura/Ino/Tenten answers. She turns around and starts walking away. Sasuke/Shikamaru/Neji quickly comes up with a plan on the spot. "Just give me-insert number here-days, and I swear you will be falling in love with me then," he says. She pauses in that dramatic moment that you most commonly see on dramas on TV. "Okay. I accept."
In a simple matter of days, they fall in love. They then marry when they get old enough, and get divorced at the dinner party. No, I'm just kidding.
P.S. I didn't say which part I was kidding about. Although this kind of fic is one of the best, I couldn't resist. Seems I am falling to temptation too much.
Reviews: 2000+
Half of the Reviewers: Oh no! They got divorced!
Other Half of the Reviewers: Yay! They got married!
Some of the Reviewers: SasuSaku/ShikaIno/Nejiten forever!
A~N: You can tell I'm getting tired of making up new usernames.