From: Kathryn Janeway (captain voyager)
to: Doctor EMH Mk1 (EMH voyager)
Subject: congratulations!
I will be with you shortly, but I have had a slightly unauthorised recording of your duet sent to me, and it was wonderful! Actually it brought a tear to my eye. You both together were... well, perfect doctor. I also heard an unexpected review of the charms of Lt Barclay! Perhaps something to discuss when we meet. I hope to be with you at 10:00 if that is suitable
oh, and now you have presented the warp 10 sequelae at our medical talks - and thankyou for sparing some blushes - and it has been through debrief, Dr Crusher asked that you write a scientific paper on DNA changes at warp 10 and submit it to the federation research journal of biosciences. clearly it does not concern the 'adventure' as such and discretion is advised. You will need a name!
Kathryn
from:B'Elanna Torres Paris (lieutenant, chief engineer, voyager)
to: Doctor EMH Mk1 (EMH voyager)
Doctor, Kathryn has suggested that we perhaps write a joint paper on some of the joint medical/engineering crossover opportunities we had out there. I guess that could include our gel pack bacterial/viral infection from Neelix's cheese, and then our work to increase their lifespan and efficiency. Our joint work on the Pralor prototype, probably not our joint work on the Borg processes I guess. perhaps the genetic tags of the srivani, though we would need to avoid discussing which crewmembers please. It could be part of your medical evening, and I could do this with you.
Also, perhaps to satisfy my curiosity, I wondered if we could perhaps visit Dr Zimmerman together. I don't imagine that I would have his skill with your coding, but I would like to talk with him on your maintenance programme long term. I will drop in on you in the morning to discuss this, and also hopefully provide me with a quick medical exam. Tom and I would like to confirm that we are not expecting any more surprises.
Miral would like to see you too, so I thought you might like to join us in our quarters for a relaxed evening, Reg can come as well. We are inviting the senior team around for a pizza and beer informal drop in night. Tom wants to try again to beat Kathryn at pool. Qoh!
B'Elanna
-0-0-0-
I flick through the messages from various crewmen, always from the Captain and B'Elanna and now regularly from many of the Voyagers. As is my wont, i hum one of the many operatic arias stored in my database. Seven doesn't message. She has been particularly abrupt this latter half of the week.
Kathryn arrives first. She has been quite insistent that I think of her as Kathryn when not on duty. This is probably duty, I offer her captain as a greeting and she nods. We bound through at her usual fast speed the requirements she has. I am never sure when she gets time to allow her brain to relax. i do a pre-mission check, though she doctor doctor's me when I ask for details, I thought she wasn't cleared for a while. Her boosters show as in date so I don't do the hormonal profile. She has been notoriously sensitive about this in the past, and today isn't the day for a fight. She then makes some slight review of my programming.
Whilst she is there she gives me further instructions on monitoring Seven. Seven barely talks to me out of hours currently, and Kathryn says that it is high time we got over this silliness and returned to being friends. I am better at monitoring my thoughts before they become conversation and catch a comment about how she and Chakotay would have gotten over this silliness in my position. With her absence, she insists Seven needs a safety net.
Seeing my prevarication, she tells me that she doesn't need to remind me of my woeful lack of ethics around the removal of Seven's failsafe, my management of her socialisation, and that in her opinion, the predicament i find myself in is entirely of my own making. Seven is being generous to consider my failure to provide impartial medical care and the blurring if not completely erasing of the professional boundaries I should have maintained to be due to my own fledgeling steps into individuality as well as our unusual placement in the delta quadrant.
My pleas that I see little of seven as our joint research project is failing and losing cohesiveness gives me a classic Janeway glare. She tells me to wrap up what we have done then, annotate it with how nanoprobes can be modified to achieve the effect, and store it under level 11 encryption. All my anti Borg work should be stored there. She wonders why it takes her interference and enquiry to determine this. I feel... uncomfortable. Unfortunately for some time now the captain's good opinion of me is more important than i would like.
At least my research with Icheb has been very promising. I rush into talking about this, and relax as she smiles her pleasure. Ah for the time when her approval did not matter in this way.
hmm humanity is more challenging now that I am compromised by it, that my professional detachment is a thin veneer only. The captain forgave my 'unfortunately ill-timed mutiny' as she persisted in calling it, after we spent some considerable time together on the holodeck recreations. She asked me outright if I had let my emotions and my personal affections compromise command decisions. After some bluster I eventually had to surrender on this. I had let my love and admiration for her blind me to other opportunities, alternatives that would not have required the last minute effective intervention of the commander and chief of security. They correctly prioritised warp core over emotional attachment. We discussed the hardship of command and I truly understood the sacrifice of remaining separate despite being compromised by love. I understood that she would sacrifice all and anyone to ensure the overall wellbeing of ship and crew. That command was command. I realised that my humanity, not just sentience, first flickering when I realised I saved Kim over Jetal due to friendship not ship requirements had reached maturity. Now I needed to learn to control that impulse. She started me with command track scenarios, our leisurely cafe rendevous being smokescreen for increased tactical training. She reassured me that all human doctors make poor captains when crew lives are jeopardized. It is in their programming too.
'we balance the needs of the many, you balance the needs of the few, or the one' and she had smiled sadly at that.
i draw out of the reverie which encompassed but a fraction of a second in real time.
'Captain, we think that we have developed r-nanoprobes able to resist assimilation. I have some of Seven's nanoprobes in storage, and we trialled the r-nanoprobes on them and they changed. In fact, we think they became resisters too. Again, without the Borg to fight, we are as far as we can go with this too. The r-nanoprobes, however, do appear to be indefinitely stable.'
The spectre of Icheb and Seven being captive and 'milked' for their nanoprobes passes before my eyes, but i should trust the Captain. Instead of focusing on the nanoprobes, she is ahead and focusing on the DNA variant that has made Icheb different. Can we design an r-virus that would affect Borg to produce r-nanoprobes. It seems impossible. A perfect project. The Borg Queen had intimated to Seven that conquest of earth will be via virus. We need to develop a non-nanoprobe counter, or pre-emptive innoculation.
My only disappointment was that this project is outwith the skills of Seven. She has limited interest in medicine except where it pertains to interaction with herself.
However, the captain moves on with her thoughts and delivers the project that will suit all our skills. She wants me to start work on a synaptic transceiver for a neural interface. After all, we both know that I do invent one, if not when. She promises to get Tom to give me his Alice data and that when they can Tom will help with any trials. She hopes or current team, being chosen due to their cross over skills between micro-engineering and medicine will still be of assistance.
And with a surprise kiss to my cheek, a promise to keep working on my rights, and a demand for reassurance about Seven she strides back out of my office. A parting shot that this and the operetta should keep me out of mischief in her absence. A whirlwind has occurred within and I trim my sails again to toe the line of the captains course.
-0-0-0-
'doctor!' comes the voice again and i startle to see B'Elanna and Tom looking oddly at me. B'elanna insists on checking my subroutines first before her own appointment, to assure herself that I haven't altered the daydreaming parameters. I am somewhat insulted by this, and tell her so directly. She doesn't grace this with an answer as her fingers fly over the console. I can see that she is adding in further instructions. This time she does deign to answer. it is to ensure my programme is inviolate.
'there is a threat? B'Elanna, I have just had the captain visit and she showed no concern over my programme!' I expostulate. again, to no effect.
'B'Elanna, i insist that you stop and talk to me. It is me you are altering. I wouldn't operate on you without consent!' and as the words fly from my mouth I cannot recall them and have to look at her with shock.
She draws herself up and i prepare for a full klingon approach to the shame that was my experience with Crell Moset. i know that I have had a very patchy relationship with informed consent, just as the captain has with the prime directive. even the hippocratic oath was more often bent to my will than i bent to it. O open my hands out.
'I am sorry. I am more than sorry that I allowed the exigencies of the ship and my own hubris to ignore the sensibilities of my patient.' what more can i say at this stage.
'good' and she returns to the programming 'this doesn't affect the essence of you, and will just ensure you have a safe backup.' She looks up. 'like it or not doctor, both the opera and your fight for sentience is going to push you further into the public view. We have no idea i vested interest will see you as a threat, or an anachronism.' and she stops the flying fingers and comes towards me, a hand to my arm. 'sorry doc, i shouldn't even tell you this much'
'Am i in danger? have there been threats? the organics just fear the photonics here too?'
'enough doc' Tom grabs both my shoulders 'this isn't the lokirrim' i flinch at that 'but you have to admit that there is controversy and if we are going to avoid the type of conflict we nearly got pulled apart by in the delta quadrant' and he pauses as i flush and remember Iden.
'what do i do?'
'follow starfleet command orders... for once' Tom murmurs, with some sympathy. I start to bluster, but he knows, they know. I sigh.
'you need to start by having faith in the captain' b'Elanna says more forcefully. 'she gave you a lot of mileage out there to develop'
'even when more often than not it came back to bite her' is Tom' quick rejoinder.
'I am outraged that this is how you see me! I thought we were friends, that I had your respect!' I shout ' has it all just been a sham?' and i sit heavily on my chair and put my face in my hands.
'b'E, are you sure you haven't changed the programming, look at him?' 'tom!'
'Doc, we are more than just colleagues, we are family with loyalties that tie us together. but maybe only making our way into a friendship' Paris starts. 'friendship is about... empathy, being able to step into another's shoes and decide to prioritise their needs and feelings. Its about listening to how they work, what makes them happy and sad, and spontaneous gestures to ensure happiness to strengthen a bond' Paris stops
'you are new at humanity' b'Elanna takes over 'the man your programming is based on is not the most gifted at friendship. Yes, he inspires loyalty in those he works closely with, but he doesn't have the most easy going of temperaments' she shrugs. 'you have many of his characteristics but you have moved beyond them and you can move further.'
'the captain really is your friend' Paris opines 'no doubt about it. Icheb and Seven too, once you have worked your way around the recent difficulties'
'reg clearly is a good friend but we are your family' torres adds ' and would like for us to be truly friends, but... well sometimes we wonder if you still see us as the caricatures in your holonovel'
'it's like we are those lowbrow one dimensional organics too you, you've been ready to bail out on us before' Paris adds in.
'think about it doc. Come join us this evening, and start to build friendships.'
'Listen to us, as we have listened to you and respected and championed your right to individuality and self determination' Torres adds
I sigh 'I had thought we were friends'
'we are family doc, and care about you' Paris reassures 'but you never really have tried to make a bridge to us' Torres adds 'you... well friendship is hard to define. come and make those bridges. ' there is a pause 'i have been trying to start a friendship, but I am not sure that you notice'
I think about this, the number of messages, the visits even if about Miral, the options of talks together. I think about the daily messages from Kathryn, from Harry and Sam, and the intermittant others from the crew that i take at face value. Perhaps I have been in error. I have viewed our interactions as all their needs to be.
'and doc, no offence, but you need a name'
I think about it and nod. Perhaps there is something to what they are saying. I have kept my impressions of their fallibility at the surface, and perhaps don't explore and appreciate their individuality.
'new beginnings' and i agree, offering a handshake.
'B'Elanna?' and I make short work of her medical and confirm that there is no surprise second pregnancy and administer the booster. I am touched by the bearhug I receive from Paris at this news. I grin and slap his back too. then I look at him with my professional eye.
'tom?' he looks surprised, but my raised eyebrows and he submits to the check of his face, and confirm that his 'accident with a door' has healed well.
'of course,' i say 'friends may be more honest as to the source of their injuries. I have seen the pattern of that right hook numerous times to be oblivious of the effects of the maquis mauler dispensing justice' i see their shared look. 'I am a doctor, and I know when to leave alone!' Tom looks slightly shamefaced at this. 'it isn't my story to tell, doc'
I agree. I agree with so much. i have... readjusted my viewpoint.
'can I bring something this evening?' I offer. Time to move my development onwards.
-0-0-0-
Reg and I have our rehearsal and meet the other operetta members. As I meet them, my mind is still turning over my conversation earlier about friendship. Clearly I am a sensation for them, and there is clamouring to hear the 'inside story' of Voyager. Yesterday I would have done that, talked about me and my importance on the ship and enjoyed the attention, mistaking it for friendship. i have reviewed the Captain's statements at all our events, even those just with Voyagers, and I recall how she always deflects praise to Chakotay, to her senior team, picking out some ensigns who caught her notice. It isn't about the 'I' unless she is being self deprecating. It makes her a better leader. That she notices and praises and shares the accolades emphasizes her worth.
So this evening i do say something about Voyager, about our leaders, about working together as a tightknit family that kept us together and got us home. And then i ask about them, saying we had missed some terrible times that had led to a different sort of bravery at home. I am perhaps practising using the Captain's example, but I hope that this will one day be second nature to me. In listening and sharing stories I am learning how to make friendships. It is early days, but I do believe that I can feel more of a connection with some of my fellow chorus. As we are planning to leave, I ask some of the fellow members if they practice between times or meet up, and i am slapped on the back for my excellent idea and a plan to meet early next week in a holosuite to run through some of the numbers, and then Reg takes the initiative and suggests an evening meal then at his appartment. I can see he is nervous to at following my lead into friendships. but the offer is accepted.
i invite reg to join us at the Paris' residence but blushing, he admits he has a date. a date! with the Bolian female he flirted with in the corridor. She came to find him in the mess hall. Reg has a date. I stammer my best wishes, trying to ignore the jealousy as he leaves. Tom's words come to me about walking in shoes, and I call after Reg that he will be fine and as he looks round and smiles i find I can smile encouragingly back.
-0-0-0-
i am exhausted. How can a hhologram be exhausted? Not physically, but mentally. I can feel that i have challenged my programming, my algorhythms need to realign. my flashing consul lights up the darkened office. I could leave this until tomorrow.
From: Harry Kim (Ensign, operations, voyager)
to: Doctor EMH Mk1 (EMH voyager)
Subject: concert series.
I would love to join you for a regular concert date. As a start, there is a denobulan string quartet playing mozart at the Lunar Cornwell Hall. Would you be interested? Also have you heard of Gabarek? there is a haunting work of his, Mnemosyne that I would love to hear. It is just over a month away at the Carnegie. We will be post debrief then.
See you at the ceremony tomorrow
Harry
From: Kathryn Janeway (captain voyager)
to: Doctor EMH Mk1 (EMH voyager)
Subject: well done
Thankyou for attending the rather boisterous pizza and beers at the T-P's.
Kathryn
-0-0-0-
I smile. I may be new to making friendships human style, but tom's intervention is required. i can see that family or not i would have drifted out of most of the crews life, relying on them to interact with me, with my agenda. I hope that i can build a friendship with Harry, I know I can with B'Elanna and by default Tom. Our working on the synaptic transceiver will give me plenty of time to then build on our joint interest of holonovella. i might have an idea there, and he will certainly be invaluable.
I wonder, I just wonder! I can't help the grin. Tired algorhthyms be damned. There is a holodeck free and I go and resuscitate my 'photons be free' and start to put it into a semblance of what I would like to achieve.
-0-0-0-
I couldn't help it, the news that threshold was rewritten as a scientific paper and published in the american research journal of biosciences just pushed me to write another chapter! I hope you enjoyed this around the edges post endgame update.
'A paper published recently to the American Research Journal of Biosciences explores the effects of a theoretical maximum speed, warp 10, on the human body.
In the study, the researchers detail alarming transformations that occur as a result of crossing this boundary, including rapid mutations.'