AN: I want to do an update, a lot of things had happened since the wedding in last episode. I presented Brandon and Callie like Adams Foster and then I realized my mistake, I wanted to put the scene where the twins told their father that they want to share names with Lena too and if he would let them change their lastname and the said yes. They change their lastname but Mike is still the one with the rights.
Jude is 15, Frankie 13 almost 14, Jesus is 16, Mariana 18 and the twins 20 and the last three out in college.
THIS IS AN M CHAPTER, WARNING FOR ALL OF YOU
My name is Jude Adams Foster, I am 15 years old and I have suffered a lot of changes in the past two years.
Callie and Brandon left the house two years ago to go to college: Brandon is in New York studying in Julliard and he went there with his girlfriend Lou that is also studying there and the both of them have a group "Someone's Little Sister", he is in a dorm with his best friend Matt.
Callie is studying art at the RISD in Rodhe Island with her girlfriend Angie that is also studying Art but Angie is there to be an interior designer and Callie want to be a photographer. They share a room in a dorm.
Mariana left the house three months ago and went to Connecticut to study law in Yale and has a new boyfriend that she would bring home in Christmas. She is sharing a dorm with her best friend Lexi.
Mariana has a half-scholarship because she is in a professional dance club; Brandon has a full-scholarship because he is almost a professional pianist and because of Idilwy and Callie has a half-scholarship. The grandparents paid for the rest of the scholarship so moms just have to pay for their lives in the other states. That was the biggest change in my life.
The second one was the huge reform that the moms did in the house. In the first floor where the rest zone of the kitchen used to be they had made another room that would be Jesus's room so in my room I can put a double bed and have space for my programing hobby. They also reformed the garage so Brandon would be living there when he came home for the holidays. Frankie has her own room and Mariana and Callie would still be sharing a room but they don't care.
The third change was my breakup with my six months girlfriend Taylor and the revelation that she told me: "Jude, you are gay, I know that you kissed Connor and then you kissed me and you thought you loved me but are you sure? You don't seem so happy and you are happy when Connor is around you"
So for the past two weeks I have been trying to understand if I am gay, bisexual, straight or just Jude. I wish Callie was here, she could have helped me but she is in the other end of America. Frankie is my best friend so is my next option and of course my moms .
-Frankie, can I talk to you for a second?
Frankie was in her desk, painting the view from outside using the things we give her last month for her birthday. She has her curly hair wrapped in a tight bun and her long body was inclined to the window to have a clear look. From there you can see Jesus and Nick playing basketball and laughing but I realized it was not the same laugh I have when I was with Connor, which was different, like an adoring laugh.
-Of course Jude
-You know that Taylor broke up with me?
-Yeah, but you never told me why…
-Well, she said that Connor and I has something special, that she think I am in love with him but…I though I was in love with her and Con was my best friend but now…
-You are questioning your feelings?
-Yeah
-Well, I had no boyfriend yet but I am very perceptive, look at Brandon with Lou: he wants to be with her all the time, text with her even if they just saw each other, he compose songs to her because she is almost his everything. Look at Callie: she laugh with Angie in a way that she is not capable to do with anyone else, she also wants to be with her all the time and she even got in trouble a lot of times because of her but she didn't care. Mari was always smiling when Matt was around, always talking about him and she even listened to things that she didn't like because of him –she looked at me in the eye and smiled –Something seems familiar?
I start thinking about all the time that we spend together: in school, in lunch, doing homework and studying together, going out on double dates with our girlfriends or with friends to play sports that is something I don't like but I do because he liked it, the way I laugh with him or how happy I am when I am with him.
-Yeah, I think so… So I suppose I like Connor…but he has a girlfriend and I am not sure how to say I am gay…
-You can start with our moms, you already told me so someone off the list.
I hugged her.
-Can I stay with you in here? I would be playing games, you can continue painting.
-yes
AFAFAFAFAFAFAFAFAFAFAFAFAFAFAFAFAFAFAFAF
Two weeks later I still haven't told Connor or moms about my feelings but I talked with Callie and she told me to take my time, to be comfortable with myself and to not label myself immediately and that if I have my family and some friends I would be ok. So now I am in front of moms in their room, not able to form words. Ug, coward.
-What it is love? You know you can tell us everything
-Well, Taylor broke up with me a month ago because she thought I was not in love with her and that I was in love – I looked at Mama's eyes and I saw all the love and support in the world in her eyes so I say it- that I was in love with Connor so I get frustrated and –I feel tears in my eyes and Mom open her arms for me and I go there. In her arms, protected, I feel so much better – I talked with Frankie and Callie and everything they told me is what I feel when I am with him but…I am scared.
Mama also wraps me in her arms and starts rubbing my hair, is something that always relaxes me and she know it. When they feel that I am better they separate me from their arms and make me look in their eyes.
-Baby boy, first we are so proud of you for being able to open up to us because that is a huge step. Second of all, I know how scared you should feel but before you do something you have to be sure of your feelings and less scared, the rest is like what you do in a heterosexual relationship. You go to Connor and ask him out because I think he likes you too.
-Yeah Jude, we are so proud but you have to understand that not all people would be comfortable with your sexuality and that we need a lot of changes for us to be normalized.
Suddenly everything seemed real to me, I had open up to almost all my family: Mariana, Callie, Frankie and moms and to Taylor. They support me and now I just have to be brave and talk to Connor about my feelings, he probably feels the same as me or he probably don't but I have to say it. You don't win anything if you aren't brave so I have to be brave but now I want to be vulnerable, I want to feel safe and I want to cuddle in bed with moms until I go to sleep and that is what I do. I stay in bed watching TV with them and relaxing because in here I know that the world can't hurt me and that they can't hurt me.
AFAFAFAFAFAFAFAFAFAFAFAF
Two days later is Monday and I am in Math class, is boring enough to make me think about all my feelings and about Connor that is in front of me listening to the teacher and in that moment I know is the perfect time to tell him I have to talk to him.
I send him a text.
"I have to talk to you Con, is important!"
He answer back: "Ok, in recess, in our place"
That text make me think more about us, we even have a place that is just us, like Angie and Callie, like moms, like Mike and Lisa, like Brandon and Lou. We can be perfect together.
The rest of the classes are normal, I pay attention and learn something but I am nervous because of what I have to do and when I look at the watch and see that in ten minutes I would be in recess confessing things to Connor my stomach close and I feel butterflies.
Five minutes.
A knock on the door.
Mama enters the class with a very sad expression that worries me a lot and the teacher look at me with the same expression.
-Jude, take your things and go with your mom.
Now I am not nervous because of Connor but because I know something bad had happened. And to make it even worse, mom is beside mama with an even worse expression, Jesus and Frankie has the same blank expression as me, they didn't tell me anything.
-You know something?
-No, but we are not going home, this is not the direction and they have the biggest car.
-Moms, where are we going? WHAT HAPPENED!?
-We would tell you soon guys, just wait.
I look at mom, she has her eyes filled with tears, is looking at the horizon with a blank expression that minutes later was worse than sadness and she is not talking or smiling that is what my mother always do. Mama also start crying but she is driving so she has to pay attention. Half an hour later we arrive at the bus station.
-Why are we here? –asked Frankie.
-We are picking your brother and sisters.
And there's where I know that something horrible has happened.
When we pick our siblings I know that they also have no idea of what happened. Callie is looking at mom worried and Mariana is asking for answers. Moms sit us in a bench and Mama hugs mom from behind. Mom clean her eyes and look at us.
-Guys, last night grandma Sharon called and…well…she told me that grandpa Frank was in surgery because of a problem in the heart, she also told me that he could die and that's why I bought tickets for you three to came home and called you in the middle of the night. I send you three to school because I didn't wanted to worry you and because I was hopng that he would be ok but…but…
I know it. This can't be happening
-Grandpa died? –says Brandon standing up from the bench and hugging mom.
-Yeah guys, at 10 Frank died, the surgery didn't went well. He was in recovery talking with grandma and mom when he suffered another heart attack that was irreparable.
We stand up from the bench and hug mom and that is where she collapsed, she hyperventilate and cry so hard that even hurt me inside. Mama takes her before she can fall to the floor and Jesus and Brandon that are near her also take her. Mom hides her face with her new hairstyle in Mama's curls and hugs her like she is going to die in that moment. Callie, beside me, is crying as hard as mom so I hug her and support her before she can collide too. She is the same high as me so she buried her face in the crook of my collarbone and Mariana hug Frankie that is taking it in a shock.
Ten minutes pass until Mama separated for mom but supporting her with one arm, look at us.
-Guys, I can't drive, I need Brandon, Callie, Mariana or Jesus to drive to your grandparents' house. Grandma Sharon needs you as mom do but mom has me, grandma loses her love today so you need to give her all the love that I know you can give.
Brandon drive in silence, Callie is beside him, Mama and mom in the back seat, near me and Mariana and Jesus by the end of the car. The trip take us almost an hour and we stay in silence. I try to process everything that happened. My grandpa died, he died and I couldn't say goodbye to him. He was a great man: he always show us love, give us the best presents, took us to baseball match and let us stay in his house when moms needed time for themselves.
I would miss you grandpa.
Finally we arrive to his home and grandma Sharon is in the stairs, crying and drinking something in a mug. Callie get out of the car and run to her, she hug her and say comforting things to her. I follow her and Brandon does that to.
-Grandma, I am so sorry but you have us, we are here, you can go through this.
She smiles at me and hugs me: I know baby boy, I know. Now we have to go to the cemetery, would you came with us?
We all nodded.
The followings hours we go home, put some fancy clothes on, cry a lot and go to bury my grandpa. When we are going to the place Mariana take my hand in hers: How are you Judicorn?
-Uf, I don't know how I am, I can't believe we would not see him again. I stayed in his house two days ago to watch Padre's with him and Jesus.
-Yeah I know, I can't believe it neither but…last time I saw him was three months ago and I give him a big hug. I would miss him, he has been with me all my life.
Mariana put her head in my shoulder and we go to Callie that also grab my arm and cuddle with me. This is what I like and what I miss, having my oldest sister with me, giving me love, supporting me. Mom is talking about her dad and sweet anecdotes with him and by the end she cry and mama grabs her. Grandma also says something and then some friends of grandpa. We threw some dirt to the crave and go home for the reception.
In there I found Connor that when sees me hug me thigh and my breath left my lungs. I cry in his arms and he rubs my back so sweet that make me relax immediately.
-Shh, I am so sorry Jude, your mom told my dad so I can be here today for you. How are you?
I look into his eyes and see a lot of compassion: trying to process that he would not be here anymore, Padre's games would never be the same.
-I know bro, but he would always be in your heart and your memories, right?
-Yeah, but I had lose a lot of people in my life already, mom and dad, grandpa…and is so hard.
He hugs me again and then take me to my room to play some video games and that makes me be happy for a couple of hours. The room seems brighter, the air is sweeter and everything makes me smile.
-Thank you Con, for distracting me today and for simple being here.
-No problem that's what friends are for. By the way, you want to talk about the thing you wanted to talk about before?
I panick. No, I don't want to talk to him now about my feelings.
-No, maybe tomorrow, but now I am too tired for that.
-Ok, bye
-Eh, you want to stay for dinner?
-Well…yeah, I would stay but let me talk with dad.
He called his dad and I went to ask moms, they agreed and told me that dinner would be ready in ten. I went to mom because I had not talked with her yet.
-Eh mom, can I talk to you?
-Yeah love, of course.
-How are you? I want you to know that I am here, that if you want to cry I am here. You can cry with me.
She looks at me with tears in her eyes and hugs me.
-I know love, I need your support, I need you to do what you do, tell me that I am here.
-I would mom.
Emma and Connor have dinner with all of us and we eat practically in silence.
-Callie, where is that girlfriend of yours?
-She couldn't come, she has to work.
-Everything ok between you?
-Yeah mama, everything is perfect between us.
-And with Lou, B?
-Totally fine mom
And that's all the conversation we have. After dinner, Con and I go outside and there's where I decide to talk to him.
-Con, the thing I wanted to talk to you before is that I have been having feelings for boys and…well…I wanted you to know that and I hope you would not stop being my friend. Please.
Con look at me with a smile and hugs me.
-Don't worry Jude, I would never stop being your friend because of that, you would always be my best friend.
AFAFAFAFAFAFAFAFAFAFAF
After confessing to Connor life seemed better, because Taylor, Linda and Connor are by my side but the weird thing is that Connor seems different, he is always touching me and flirting so I corner him in the backyard where no one can see us and I kiss him and for my surprise he kiss me back. Grabs my neck and press me against him, I am at his mercy. When we need air he separate and put his forehead against mine.
-When you told me you were gay a month ago I wanted to tell you that I was too but I was afraid…my dad…my dad would not let me be with a man, he would not accept it and mom is in L.A…but I want to be with you Jude, I want to be your boyfriend.
-Wow, I can't imagine this is happening, I promise I would be here forever and we would stay hidden as much as you want but you have to be brave and tell your dad.
-I know and I will, I promise.
So that day, in November, we started dating. In school we are best friends that act like best friends, we talk, laugh and smile at each other, sit together in every class and in lunch and play with our friends. He still comes home to do homework and study together but almost all the time we kiss and look at each other. I start playing baseball with him and his dad and after a month and a week I start playing ok and we enjoy our time together.
And Christmas holidays came and I told him to sleep in my house the weekend before Christmas eve, Friday and Saturday and he would left Sunday morning when we have to go pick my siblings at the airport. He accepts and I started planning the best dates.
On Friday we go to the local pool that is near home and we play with the ball and flirt with each other in here where no one knows Connor or I we can kiss and be a normal couple; then we have lunch together at Luis's and then we go home and watch a Star Wars movie and play video games, I beat him and he beat me twice and between games we steal a kiss here or there. The fact that moms or siblings are not in the house is a great factor but the good things don't last and Frankie and Jesus came home one hour and a half after us and the four of us play some card games. We help my moms with dinner and eat with everyone else.
-How is your dad Connor? We have not seen him a lot lately.
-Yeah, that's because he has been working a lot in other estates and he is barely home, I stay with grandparents or alone most of the time. He would not return until Christmas eve on Tuesday.
-Oh…well, Jude can stay with you on Monday and Tuesday morning if you don't want to be alone too much.
-Why not on Sunday?
-Because Sunday is when your siblings arrive and your grandparents are going to be in town too and they invited us to dinner so no Sunday, sorry loves.
-No problem misses Adams Foster.
-Frankie you are on plates duty and Jesus you take the rubbish out, Jude you can go if you want
-We are going for a walk and maybe to Taylor's, we would be here at 11
-Ok love, call if you need anything
When we are around the corner we sit on a bench and spend half an hour kissing, Connor puts his hands behind my t shirt and on my back and I gasp for a moment but he doesn't move them more so we stay like that until my phone start ringing.
"Marcus PK"
I let it ring
"Patrick PK"
-Fuck, the twins are calling me; you want to hang out with them for a while?
-Yeah, answer it
I answer it and put Pattrick on speaker that also has Marcus on speaker.
-Hi guys! How are you?
-Foster, why you didn't answer your phone?
-I had it on silence, what happen?
-House alone, pool alone, you want to hang out? Your sister is coming Jude and also Maggie and Taylor.
-Yeah, where's Jackie?
-She is with family in L.A
-Ok, we would be there in five.
So we end hanging out with the porter Kennard twins and my little sister that was flirting with Marcus all the time and that was not something I liked. Patrick have Maggie wrapped in his finger.
-Frankie, is 10:50, we have to go home. Let Marcus alone and yo bro, let MY sister alone, please, she is just 14.
-I was 14 three months ago
I punch him in the arm and take my sister with me and with Connor.
Once in my room moms says goodnight and we pretend to be sleeping, Connor has his back to the door and is looking at me, I know it because I can feel his eyes on my closed ones. After hearing the door closing and waiting fifteen more minutes in silence, Connor stands up slowly and climb beside me on my bed, he press against me and kiss me. Half an hour in our make ou session I feel his hand on my pants, on my thigh specifically. I gasp and separate from him, he has red cheeks and a smirk on his face.
-What are you doing?
-Do you trust me?
-Yeah I do
-Can you answer me a question?
-Yeah…
-Have you ever thought of me while jerking yourself?
I gasp more and nod, I can't find words, if this is happening I know I am ready, I have been ready for the past month and a half.
He just kiss me again and introduce his hand inside my boxers, my dick is hard and he stroke it with the boxers still on, I can feel a hard thing pressing against my hip and I also introduce my hand in his pants and grab his cock, it's seems large and hard. I stroke it and we both kiss to stop our moans and ten minutes later I found liquid against my hand. I follow him two minutes later.
We heard movement so we separate.
-We would finish this tomorrow in my house, is empty and we can use it tomorrow evening.
I nod and suddenly sleep hug me and I feel a kiss in my forehead.
The next morning we act like normal but I don't feel normal, yesterday I did something very personal with someone I know but today I am going to do something even more personal. I am nervous but he entertains me with water balloons and playing basketball with Jesus and Frankie. After lunch he asks my moms if we can go play baseball near his house and have a shower there.
-Of course Connor, you would be here for dinner?
-Actually, Diana and Mark asked us to go for dinner with them, we would be here at 9, ok?
-Yeah, perfect
So we go to his house. We are in his guest bedroom with a big bed. He stares at me and I kiss him, I take his t-shirt off and touch his abs and back. His muscles contract and he touch my cheek and kiss me with passion on the lips. He touches my arms and also take my t-shirt off and kiss my chest and my nipples. I feel my dick getting hard with this contact and I moan. He smiles at me and kiss me, we lie on our backs and continue kissing and stroking ourselves when he gets on all four and grabs my dick. He stroke it and then he looks at me asking me, without words, for permission to suck it and I just nod and he do it and OH my god, I am having sex for the first time.
I actually cum after fifteen minutes or so and I decide that I want him to feel the same. So I lie him back on the bed and kiss him, then kiss his chest and admire his abs and then I reach my destination and I do the same as he had done earlier and he also cums.
When is the time for serious things to happen I am nervous and he know it so he looks at me and asks me: You sure?
-I am sure
And I have sex for the first time and it was great and I felt a connection with Connor that I had not feel in a long time and when I go to sleep that night, with him near me on the floor I know everything would be ok.
AFAFAFAFAFAFAFAFAFAFAFAFAFAFAFAFAF
In fact, everything was ok for four months more. In January he told his dad he was with me and he at first tell him it was ok but something changing in his home and he is not comfortable so now I just came home and into my bed and started crying.
-Jude? Baby, what's the problem?
-NOTHING MAMA, LET ME ALONE!
-Jude, you can tell me anything, you know that.
-Is that…is that Connor is going to L.A, he is going to let me.
-He broke up with you?
-No, he wants a long distance relationship but that is almost impossible, that almost never works mama.
-Jude, it can work, you can make it happen. You can't never let things happen without trying little one.
After talking with her I receive a lot of texts and calls from Connor but I am not in the mood so I put some music and when I open my eyes I have his handsome face centimeters from mine, smiling at me.
-Hey Jude
I chuckle because that always reminds me of the song of the Beatles, he touches my lips with her hand and I kiss him.
-I am going to try this long distance relationship but I can't promise it would work. I would have exams, activities to do and I would go see you whenever I can but you have to do that to. Promise me.
-I promise you that I would always find time for you, facetime, skype, calls, text, I would invite you whenever we have free time and I would come when u invite me. I promise you love.
So two weeks later I am at the train station saying goodbye to my first love, trying not to cry. We kiss and hug and he is the first one crying. He had just turned 16 and his hair had grown but he is as handsome as always.
-I would be there for your first football competition and you would be here in June, right?
-Yeah, I would be here for the Anchor Beach party and would stay a week. I love you but I have to go babe
-Go and call me when you arrive.
His hand stay wrapped in mine until he has to necessary let go and when he look at me from the train window we are both crying because of the insecurity of this relationship but I would not let him go without trying.
Frankie hugs me and we go together to the car where Jesus is waiting for us.
AFAFAFAFAFAFAFAFAFAFAFAFAFAFAFAFAFAFAFAF
A lot had changed in the past year, now I am seventeen and in two weeks Jesus would let us to go to a professional wrestling team. Frankie and I would stay alone with our moms, that would be hard.
But I would tell you everything that happened.
I, in fact, went to L.A two months after Connor left to see him play his first football match and I met a lot of his friends and have a great time seeing dolphins, wales; learning how to play football and connecting with Connor again and again. His mom was very polite and nice and she made wonderful recipes but the week was short and I had to left.
We talked via FaceTime two days a week, talked every day with texts and send ourselves photos and gifts. We play videogame online. But I missed him a lot and get jealous a lot because he has a lot of handsome friends in school and I am miles away from him but I trusted him so in June he was here for the party and we had a great time with our friends and dancing. We went to a concert, play baseball, run in our bikes and play videogames, have two dates and when his father left for business we had sex in his house. And I noticed that something was different, that he was in some way saying goodbye. So when we were lying on the bed he looked at me and told me: we have to talk.
-I miss you so much and I am always thinking of you or waiting for you to talk to me and I know that you are also like that but we can't do that Jude, we have to break and maybe, just maybe, when we go to college we would find each other again and we would find the way to our hearts again. You understand me?
And I understood, and not got mad because in some way I was trying to find the way to say the same thing to him. We would be friends, talk some days a months, play video games together but we would do our lives, we would find someone else that would be here and maybe, we would fin each other's again.
-I know , what you are seeing is true, I hope we would find each other again Con.
So five months ago my boyfriend broke up with me and I sometimes talk to him and yesterday, 17th of November, was my birthday and I received two presents from friends: one was from Connor, the new PSP game and a Happy Birthday card. The other one was from one of my new friends that I met in August, Noah, he gave me one of his jumpers, a letter and a new game.
I called him.
-Hi Noah, thanks for the presents.
-No worries Jude, how are you?
-very good but I want to ask you something.
-Tell me
-You want to have a date with me?
-Yeah
So five months after my first boyfriend left me I had a second boyfriend and I see good things coming.