Kate and Lanie
Chapter 16 – What's it mean?
They opted for a late lunch at a nearby café, with patio seating. When lunch was over, the girls wanted to check out a store they'd passed on the way to the café. It looked like it catered to teen girls with an odd mix of décor, clothing and music. Lanie suggested she and Kate stay a while longer, rest their feet, enjoy the afternoon sun and drink their coffee. Kate knew what was coming, but decided she didn't mind. She wasn't even too surprised by Lanie's lack of preamble.
"Are you gonna tell me what happened between you and Castle in L.A.?"
"Lanie, why do you always assume something has happened between Castle and me? Why can't we just be good friends?"
"You can be. You are—the best of friends. I'm no dummy. You tell him things, things you don't even tell me."
"Lanie, it's not like—"
"Kate, I'm not going all jilted on you. It happens. I get the girl talk, the shoulder to cry on. Doesn't take away from us. Besides, don't they say you're supposed to marry your best friend?"
"That's quite a leap there, Lanie."
"Just talkin', Girl." Lanie paused and looked down at her latte. "You know I read Royce's letter, right?"
Kate nodded, pain still evident in her tight smile as she acknowledged this.
"It's just…I've seen you two together. Even at Royce's funeral. You two just seem closer, is all." Lanie wanted to scream at her, tell her to she'd better start talking, but she knew she wouldn't get anywhere.
Kate was extremely private. Played it close to the vest, Esposito had said. She wouldn't talk if she didn't want to; she wouldn't reveal anything she didn't want you to know. Except to Castle. That man was the girl's sodium pentothal; Lanie didn't know anyone else who could make Kate talk so easily—not that she didn't fight it.
Finally, Lanie heard a faint "Maybe we are closer?"
Now we're getting somewhere!
"Maybe you are how much closer?"
"Oh, I don't know, Lanie." Kate let out a heavy sigh, and her shoulder slumped in frustration. "We might have had a moment."
"A moment?"
"Yeah, Lanie. A moment."
"What does that mean?"
"I don't know, Lanie!" Kate tucked her hands in her hair and pulled them down to her neck. "What does any of it mean? What does it mean when your best friend—your partner—would follow you off the grid? To keep you from doing something stupid? To help you do something stupid when he can't convince you otherwise? What does it mean that we've almost died together or that he's saved my life more times than I care to count? You tell me, Lanie. What's it mean?
"Girl, you know what I think it means."
"But it can't mean that, Lanie."
"I think you and I both know it can."
"It can't. I can't think about it. I can't separate it from potentially life-altering—life-ending events enough to know what's real and what's not."
"Kate, I love you, Girl, and that might be true. It might be what you're feeling now. But don't you think it's shortsighted? This thing with Castle didn't just come about with the freezer, with the bomb."
"It doesn't matter. It shouldn't matter. I have Josh, had him before the terrorist threat, too."
"Josh, who was about to leave the country—again—for another two month stint in Haiti?"
"Still, he stayed for me. Doesn't that mean anything, Lanie? Why is it so hard for everyone to believe that Josh might care for me—the way I want to be cared for?" A whiny sullenness had entered Kate's voice.
"Oh, Honey, it's not hard to imagine that anyone could care for you. Just the opposite. I mean, what's not to love?"
"A lot, Lanie." Kate exhaled with a defeated sigh. "There's a lot not to love. But, I'm trying to be better, and I'm trying to open myself up more to Josh. I mean, he stayed for me, shouldn't I give that a chance?"
"Girl, I'm not saying you shouldn't. But how long do you think it takes to make the feeling grow? How hard do you have to work at it? I'm not trying to discourage you, and it's probably not fair because I've only seen you two together a handful of times—and two of those times one or the other of you was upset because your schedules weren't working out."
Lanie looked up at her friend, knowing she wanted to hear that she, too, believed in what could be, but the truth was, she didn't see how Kate couldn't see what was right in front of her. And it wasn't just Castle's feelings for Kate, the way he was always there, taking care of her without being asked, without Kate really even noticing that she allowed it. No. Kate was different. Happier. Lighter. Even prettier, if that was possible. And when she forgot to be wary, she nearly floated.
"All I have to compare it to is you and Castle. I'd have to trade my scalpel in for a machete to rip through all the heat and sexual tension that surrounds you two. It just exists. You didn't have to work for it. You're not even sure you want it, and yet there's no denying it's there."
"Having chemistry isn't the same as having deep-seated feelings."
"Chemistry doesn't launch itself—unarmed—at a professional hit man."
"Maybe adrenaline does?"
"All I'm saying is I wish I had someone who'd look at me the way Castle looks at you."
"Lanie, did something happen with Esposito?"
"No. Nothing."
"Lanie, you don't get to make me bare my soul and then get off Scot-free. Speak. Now."
Lanie's first thought was 'This is Kate Beckett baring her soul?" but she wanted Kate's input, so she moved past it.
"It's just nothing's happened. At least nothing that should have happened. I mean, it was fun at first. Just nice to be with someone who knew me, who knows I cut up dead bodies all day and isn't turned off—or on—by it. It didn't bother him. Treated me like a lady first, then a woman. I felt like he was seeing me."
"So what's changed?"
"Me. I think I'm feeling things for him that I shouldn't be feeling. Things I didn't expect to be feeling."
"You never know, Lanie, he might be feeling the same way."
"I don't think so, Kate. He was pretty taken with Mandy Bronson—"
"Maybe he was just star struck. It's not like we hob-nob with celebrities."
"Uh, Castle?"
"He doesn't count."
"It's not just her. He keeps mentioning other women…who owe him favors, and I don't know…just wish I knew where I stand."
"That doesn't mean anything, Lanie. Even if he's still seeing other people, it doesn't mean he doesn't want to be with you. You're the one who wanted to keep things casual."
"I did, at first. Because we work together. Didn't want it to get awkward. But I've been trying to subtly show him that I want more now. He knows I haven't dated anyone else for a while."
"Maybe he needs you to be more honest and direct about what you're feeling."
"I don't want to push him away."
"He's not a mind reader."
"We could be talking about you and Castle."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Let's just say, I'm having a real easy time relating to Castle."
Hope you like this chapter! It was fun to write. Reviews are appreciated! I love knowing how it's going from your perspective!