I finally got my new glasses which thankfully ended up being my same battered old frame just with new lenses fitted into them. I've only got one month and a half left here, I called Jacob to apologise, but he never picked up. I hung out with Paul for a few days, but he fell quickly off the radar and I didn't try to contact him again. I stopped by Jacob's and Billy's place, knocked on, prepared to tell Jacob everything just to get him to understand, only to have Billy open the door and tell me that Jacob was sick and couldn't be around anyone. I knew it was bullshit but went away anyhow. I called one more time and left a message telling Jacob that I wasn't going to bother him again. So I stopped calling after that. I knew when I wasn't wanted.
Charlie and Bella seem to be walking on eggshells around me, never mentioning Jacob unless I brought him up first -which I don't do.
Bella went round to the Black's place the other day to see how Jacob was, but she came back angry, snarling about him joining the asshole pack, getting his hair cut and getting a tattoo.
For the past three days Bella and I have been hanging around with one of Jacob's old friends Quil, since Jacob and their friend, Embry, have ditched him. Today it's just me and Quil, so we're wandering around the Rez near his house. Sadly for both of us, that also happens to be near Jacob's house.
Quil ducks his head as we walk, and across the street I notice a group of tall, shirtless guys all laughing and shoving one another dangerously close to the traffic which whizzes by. "Ignore them." I whisper to Quil, smiling reassuringly to show that he's not alone. He smiles back lightly and nods, but the group soon grow quiet, having noticed the two of us.
We're out to grab stuff from the grocery store for Bella so she can make dinner for me, her, Charlie and Quil tonight. We're having curry, which makes me happy.
"River!" Jacob booms across the road.
I huff and ignore him, grabbing Quil's hand and tugging him to walk faster. Jacob yells me a few more times but stops when I stick my middle finger up at him over my shoulder. A hand grabs my shoulder a second later, I spin, genuinely ready to punch Jacob in the god damn face, but it's Paul. "What?" I snarl.
"Uh, hey, Jake says-"
"I don't care what Jacob says. Tell him he can shove it up his ass." I say, interrupting Paul and turning away. Quil and I wander into the store with no more interruptions from Jacob and the others.
"How did my friends become such dicks?" Quil asks me with an awkward chuckle, dropping my hand. I don't reply, but I don't think he expected me to. We grab everything that Bella's put on the list for curry. Neither of us speaks much as we round the store, Quil throws a bag of pork crackling in and I add a tub of Ben & Jerry's Half Baked Cookie Dough and Chocolate Fudge Brownie flavoured ice cream, laughing at Quil's bewildered expression. I assure him that it's good and he should try some later.
We walk back to Charlie's and Bella's since we walked to the store, but right outside the door is Jacob Black. He's standing shirtless in a pair of cargo shorts, leaning against the door frame with a slightly pissed expression on his face. "You wanna talk to him?" Quil asks me.
"No, but it doesn't look like I've got much of a choice. You mind taking the bags in to Bella?" I reply, smiling softly. He smiles in reply, taking the grocery bags from me before passing Jacob, never making eye contact as he goes.
"So, I considered shoving what I tried to tell you-"
"What Paul tried to tell me."
"Fine, I tried shoving it up my ass like you suggested, but that didn't get me anywhere, so I figured I'd come and annoy you here until you talk to me."
"You're the one who's been avoiding me, Jacob, so don't play it off as you're the one who-"
"I've been sick."
"Oh, did your sickness stop you from picking up the phone? Sorry, did it stop you from sending a text to Bella? She's been worried sick, you ass!"
"Bella?" He snarls, pushing off the wall and coming closer to me. "You're telling me that Bella's been worried sick when you've been hanging around with Paul, then Quil, then no one for a while. I get it, you crave attention, but when people give it to you, you shrink back and turn into the victim-"
"Go fuck yourself." I snarl, opening the door and walking in. He follows me in, forcing the door open as I try to close it.
"She tried to get you to bed yet, Quil? Watch out with this one, she's wild-"
"What the fuck is your problem!" I bellow, not caring that Charlie can see and hear. "Do you get some sick thrill out of telling people shit about me, shit that I trusted you with? Yeah, is that it? Just stay the fuck away from me or I swear to god I'll-"
"You'll what!" Jacob snarls. "You'll curl up in a little ball, too scared to move. Isn't that what you always do? Paul says you just lie down and take it, let your step dad beat you into hospital. And you say I'm the one who gets a kick out of sick shit-"
I did it. I really did it. I just punched him.
A sickening crack alerts me that it's official, I've broken his nose.
Paul and Sam literally run in, grabbing Jacob as he starts shaking wildly, yelling profanities as they drag him from the house, apologising.
"Cracking left hook." Charlie complements while we all stand, open mouthed. Even I can't believe what I've just done. "I'll have to have a word with Billy about that boy."
I wrap my arms around my middle. "For the record, the taking him to bed comment was bull, oh and sorry for the swearing." I say, curling my hands into fists so no one can see as my claws push through due to the anger and me not wearing my silver for a few weeks.
"You alright?" Quil asks, looking genuinely concerned. I nod in reply, saying that I need to use the bathroom. I know they all think I'm going in there to cry, but they couldn't be more wrong. The second I'm in there I lock the door, unclenching my fists with a smirk as I wonder what Jacob would have said had he seen these. I take my glasses off, looking with perfect eyesight into the mirror before me before slipping them back on as I calm down. I do need to bitch at Paul though. We had a heart to heart and he spills my shit to Jacob of all people.
I grin down at my hands, smirking as the voice of the monster whispers that Jacob would run for his damn life if he could see us now. My cell buzzes in my pocket, I pull it out and see a message from Paul.
I'm sorry, little bird.
14:06
He's sorry? Oh, well isn't that fabulous Everything will be perfect now that Paul's sorry! Asshole.
I get ready to type a reply but get another message.
It's a picture of his hand holding two cigarettes and a lighter with a caption.
Smoke?
14:06
Why I don't just tell him to go fuck himself I don't know, but I don't reply as I exit the bathroom saying that I'll be back in five minutes. The others think that I need a minute to compose myself and let me go with a quick warning of keeping safe as I go.
My feet carry me into the woods, seeming to know the way to wherever Paul is. The beast must have recognised something about the photograph that he sent because soon enough Paul comes into view... with Jacob. "Really?" I exclaim, throwing my hands in the air and turning around.
"Wait! He was just leaving, right, Jake?"
"No, River, please talk to me. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." I walk off as I hear Jacob's heavy feet fall behind me.
"Tell her, Black!" Paul snarls, and I hear the sound of skin meeting skin, maybe shoving one another. "River, please, just listen to me if you won't listen to- Jake, don't!"
A hand clamps on my shoulder. Jacob's hand.
I spin, ready to throw a punch, but he catches my fist. The beast screams for blood. Every muscle in my body tenses, preparing for attack. "Let go of me." I say, my tone as even as I can keep it.
"Just listen to me." Jacob replies, looking nothing like the angry prick that just forced his way into the house. "I'm sorry for being a dick, I really am, I'm just so angry all the time. I wasn't lying a few weeks ago when I said that you kept me calm, but things got weird with us and I don't know why. Sam told me this morning that you know about the wolves and it made me so fucking mad that I didn't get to tell you, and then I saw you with Quil and you guys were holding hands and I swear I wanted to rip his fucking head-"
"Is there a point to this? You know I'm not an anger counselor." I snap, tugging to free my arm, only to have Jacob's grip tighter as Paul turns and walks into the depths of the woods, leaving the two of us alone.
"I've been a real dick to you, and you deserve to know why." Jacob says, his eyes boring into my own. "Please."
Sighing, I stop trying to tug my arm away. "Can't we talk some other time, maybe sometime other than when I just punched you in the face." I suggest with a huff.
Jacob slowly releases my wrist, watching me through cautious eyes as if I might try to sprint off. "You're leaving in a month, we don't have enough time to be postponing stuff like this." He replies, taking a step closer to me. He looks utterly hurt as I take a small step back from him. "I didn't mean any of what I said, I'm really sorry. This is going to sound crazy, but it wasn't me talking, it was the wolf. Sometimes when I'm thinking about something-"
"It twists your thoughts, manipulates you into saying things that you don't think you mean, but the more you think about it, the more you realise that the beast's just a harsh realist?" I question, knowing all too well what he means.
He nods, a small sad smile on his lips. "Yeah, but I don't think he meant it either, it was just trying to hurt you and trying to get me angry enough to act." He tells me, suddenly back to my sweet, innocent seeming Jacob. "Sam and Paul said you understood more than I'd think, but I don't think I understand half of it, I'm just repeating what they told me."
"Did they tell you why I understand?" I question, feeling pissed that they may have broken our promise so soon.
He shakes his head in reply. "No, they told me that was something you'd tell me when you thought it was right for me to know."
I nod. "Well, uh, I've got to get back inside. Curry for dinner, and since I took a car to the face last time and missed it, I'm dead set on eating as much of this one as I can." I say, trying not to get all awkward all of a sudden, but I do anyway.
Jacob nods. "Sure, yeah, but just so you know, I'm planning on climbing through your window tonight, so don't lock it." He tells me, scratching his neck while blushing. I ask him why he's planning on coming through my window and he just smiles, telling me that he's got to get me alone somehow.
After what Jacob said to me, I want to scream, to yell -also to ask why his nose looks fine- and to kick and throw things at him, but instead I tell him that I'll see what I can do about my window before turning and walking away. He doesn't stop me this time, though I can practically feel his gaze glued to my back. Some part of me questions whether I'm ready to forgive him, and if I'm ready to forgive his wolf. I realise quickly that I'm so used to the term 'wolf' or 'beast' that I didn't even pick up on the fact that Jacob's just told me that he's one of them. Holy shit.
When I push the door open, Charlie, Bella and Quil all shoot me reassuring gazes. I smile back as best I can, which is actually a bit crap, but they take it anyway.
With intense supervision, Bella lets Quil and I help by cutting the chicken, but it soon turns into a massive laughing fest as Quil keeps slipping with the knife, cutting ridiculously small pieces off. Soon enough Bella ushers us out of the kitchen, telling us that she'll do the rest and it'll be done quicker.
Quil and I take refuge on the couch, one of us at either end with our feet occupying the middle cushion. Charlie's in his armchair while the three of us watch a game of football. Billy and Harry would usually come round for the game, but Harry's been into hospital today for someone to check out his heart condition, and Billy says he's got to stay home with Jacob. So it's the four of us, then Bella's two girl friends Jess and Angela are coming round to watch movies while Charlie heads out for a late shift.
My cell buzzes, and I know it's Paul, because only he and Bella text me. I unlock it and peek at the message, smiling lightly.
Sorry about earlier, little bird. Fancy a smoke after dinner? Just text me when you're done and I'll be outside.
18:35
I shoot one back, telling him that he's not yet forgiven, but if he provides me with a smoke later then I may drop all charges of ignoring him. I get one back saying that he'll bring me a cigar if that'll make me stop hating him. I tell him that I don't hate him, smiling as I imagine the lazy grin that he's probably sporting.
Paul and I converse until Bella yells that the food's ready, so I text him, saying that I'm off to eat, and he replies telling me that he's hungry and wishes he was eating.
We all eat like ravenous animals, but I still manage to eat the least out of everyone, though I do eat a lot of food anyway. Even Bella makes me proud.
When we're all finished Quil offers to do the dishes, so I say I'll help him. We take literally half an hour to wash and dry the dishes, and thankfully neither of us hurt ourselves or one another with the knives.
Jess and Angela arrive shortly after we're done with the dishes, by which time Charlie and I are arguing over football. "No, you're wrong, River, the Forty Niners are just-"
"No, they're amazing, so yeah they lost this game, but by one point! And what did your team lose by, fifty something?"
And so it goes on.
Charlie leaves at eight for his shift, telling Bella and me that he'll be back early in the morning and not to have any crazy parties. I use his departure as an excuse to leave the house, telling the others that I need to run the oil through my bike. I thank god that Quil wasn't Jacob's friend that knows about bikes, because he one hundred percent bought my bullshit story.
I drive into the woods before texting Paul, telling him to find me. He sends one back saying that he'll be in wolf form when he reaches me, so not to scream. I wonder what colour his fur is? I'll bet he's black, like Sam, or maybe he'll be red. Not like, actual red, but a calm kind of russet red with a bit of a smooth brown kind of colour.
Some small part of me is disappointed when a silver-ish grey wolf steps into view, but I laugh as I see two cigarettes poking out of his mouth. "Nice one, Paul, but do they light with slobber all over them?" I question, grinning. He shrugs his shoulders and stands next to me. He holds his head out to me, so I take the cigarettes from him and tell him to go behind a tree and change back.
They're surprisingly dry as I hold them in my hands while I wait for Paul. He comes back a second later with shorts on and a lighter in his hand. "Nice bike." He says, nodding at it.
I look down and grin. "Thanks." I reply, sparking up the smokes. There's an awkwardness to our conversation tonight, and while we smoke we say nothing to one another. "Are you alright?" I ask as we stub both cigarettes out. He gets jumpy, looking at me before looking quickly away, toying with his hands.
"When you look at me, what do you see?" He asks me, not bothering to answer my own questions.
Huffing, I reply. There's no use going quiet because he won't answer my question. "I don't know," I reply, looking up at him. "I guess I see you, you're Paul, I don't know what you want me to say."
He groans and runs a hand through his hair. "Okay, I'll tell you what I see when I look at you, then you do me, okay?" Does he reaslies how weird he sounds right now? "Okay, so you're insanely beautiful, you love so very fiercely. You're strong and brave, you smoke on occasion with me. I've never wanted anyone so bad in my entire life, but I can't have you." His voice turns into a snarl at the end and he begins to stalk towards me.
Soon enough his gaze becomes predatory and almost scary. "Paul, what are you-"
"Why does he get everything handed to him?" He snarls, throwing his hands up into the air. "I saw you the day you came into town but I stayed away 'cause they said that little fuck'd be with you. Now, now he treats you like trash and I can't do shit because of the fucking imprint. I can't even fucking kiss you because of him!"
I gasp. "Paul, who are you-"
"Jacob Fucking Black gets everything!" He screams, thrusting his hands into his hair and tugging. He falls to his knees and snarls as I gasp again, this time slightly in horror. "The wolf's telling me to just kiss you, to show you that we can give you everything they can. He wants me to take you away, far away from Forks and every fucked up part of both our lives." Paul's voice becomes a wheeze as he says this to me.
I fall to my knees and pull him to me by his shoulders.
"Paul,"
"You'll never be mine."
"I don't belong to anyone."
"You're his imprint."
"I don't even know what that means, so I still don't belong to anyone."
"I wish the pack didn't exist."
"Paul, listen-"
"I'm sorry." He blurts, a tear trickling down his cheek.
I open my mouth to ask why, but instead he lurches forwards and slants his mouth over mine, crushing our lips together. My eyes bulge wide open and I thrust my palm against his chest, sending him flying into a tree. A snarl ripples through him as he explodes into an enormous silver wolf.
"Shit." I curse, jumping to my feet and spinning on my heel. I run, hell no, I fucking sprint.
Paul roars behind me, giving chase.
I'm so fucking dumb. Trust me to punch one wolf then throw another into a tree. Shit.
A snarl in front of me has me skidding to a halt. "Fuck," I snarl. An enormous black wolf stands before me with an even bigger russet red one beside him.
Territorial, I stands my ground, but I know that I'll be ripped apart if any one of them gets their teeth around me in this state. A deep growl rumbles in my throat, thick and menacing. I open my mouth to the two wolves in front of me, baring my teeth to them. And suddenly it's Sam standing in front of me, but I can't take my eyes off the perfection next to him.
The sound of Paul gunning towards me has me spinning around, ready to strike. The russet wolf is flying over my head in a second, crashing into Paul and slamming him into a tree. There are snarls and yips from both of them, but Sam hold me back by wrapping his arms around me as I try to lunge. Paul and the other wolf battle it out, but Paul soon gains the upper hand, pinning the larger wolf to the ground by his throat. "Paul, stop!" Sam booms, his voice shaking us both as he yells.
Snarling, Paul steps stiffly away, eyes darting quickly to me. Something snaps in the other wolf, his eyes grow wide then minuscule with anger.
The fight's on again, snarling and ripping.
"Stop!" I scream, fear rippling through me.
Everything happens within a second. They both stop. Sam turns behind me, his front or his hide smashing into my back. I find myself scrambling face down in the dirt. All three wolves are lying in the dirt when I push myself up. They're whining. All three of them stare at me, bewildered. I pick my glasses up from where they've made a run from my face and wipe them down before slipping them back on with a huff.
Slowly, the wolves begin to stand and walk over to me. The large russet one growls lightly, and Sam and Paul bow their heads, backing off completely. "Stay the fuck where you are," I grind out, wiping myself off as best I can. "Seriously, what the fuck's wrong with you all? I can't come out for a damned smoke without one of you going all wolf on me. I'm going back inside, and none of you are going to contact me in any way. Understood?" I snarl, sighing when they all nod slightly. "Good."
I walk off, huffing at my own idiocy. How did I get mixed up in all this shit, and what the fuck's an imprint? It sound like some weird sex term.
I force the front door open, putting my palm over Bella's mouth when she opens her mouth to ask what's happened to me. "No, Bells, we're just not gonna ask me questions right now." I tell her, taking my hand from her face and ignoring her and everyone else as I walk straight over to my room.
A snarl vibrates through me as I slam my door and yank my clothes off. I keep my sports bra and boy shorts on, pulling a pair of black skinny jeans on with a black tank top and a black zip up jacket. When I come back out of the room I grab my enormous tub of ice cream from the freezer and sit on the floor beside Quil's spot on the couch.
"So, what happened?" Bella asks me.
I put the tub on the floor and pull my lighter out of my pocket. I light the flame and hold it under my spoon for the ice cream before plopping the spoon in and leaving it there. "Stuff." I reply, not looking at her. My spoon sinks sufficiently into the ice cream so I stir it around a little before pulling it out and sucking one of the chunks of cookie dough into my mouth, chewing slowly.
Bella is still looking at me, so I pull my cell out and nod to it discreetly. Then I type a message out.
Paul Lahote kissed me... then I shoved him away and he got pretty pissed. Paul and some other guy had a fight. I fell on my ass. My ass hurts.
I see her face light up a little as she reads the text.
I though you liked Paul...?
She texts back, looking over to me, confused.
As a friend, and I'm leaving in a month.
I eat ice cream and text Bella until we've all watched three crappy movies. Once the third one's over I say that I'm taking the rest of my ice cream to my room, waving my goodbye to everyone before going.
The second I'm through my door I open my mouth to scream as a hand clamps over my mouth. My eyes go from wide to angry slits as I see who's before me as he reaches round me to push my door closed gently. He peels his hand from over my mouth and keeps coming forwards, using his enormous fram to push me against the door's hard wood.
"Do you know how incredible you look right now? Seeing you like this, submitting to us, the idea of it excites the wolf. Maybe the man too." He whispers, trailing a finger down my jaw line. "I know you told us all to leave you alone, but I don't think you understand how difficult I find that." I open my mouth to speak, maybe to reply to what he's said, but he carries on. "Everything about you intrigues me. The wolf in me wants to claim you as my own, but me, the human side of me, I just want to know you. I want to hold you while you sleep, I want to be here when you wake up." Okay, this is a little much for me.
"You were the other wolf?" I ask, placing my hands on his chest and pushing him away lightly. I end up pushing him down to sit on my bed before I unbutton my pants, kicking them off. For some unknown reason I feel inexplicably safe around him. He nods in answer to my question, his eyes trained on my legs as I pull my pants from the floor and fold them before hanging over them over the back of an old chair in the corner of my room. "You know, if you've got time tomorrow I can fix those rusty old shits up." I tell him, smirking lightly as he gasps in mock horror.
He nods anyhow. "I've always got time for you." He tells me, fingers reaching out to pick at the hem of my shirt.
I don't know why, but I find myself stepping closer to him, allowing him to pull me to him by the waist. "What are we even doing here?" I ask, putting my hands on his shoulders and pushing my right one into his hair.
Grinning, he shrugs and pulls on me until I fall forwards, straddling his hips. "Anything you want." He replies, pushing my shirt up my stomach. "Everything you want." He adds, resting his forehead on my shoulder and running his fingers down my stomach, down my thighs and across my calves. "Can I kiss you?"
I sigh and take my glasses off, placing them on my bedside table and wiping my eyes. This is all so alien to me. "No," I tell him, closing my eyes and sagging against him. "I don't think that's the best idea, Jacob."
"Why isn't is?" He whispers against my neck, his breath coming out hot and heavy.
Ugh. Rational thoughts are so over rated. "Because I'll be gone in a month and I don't think I can handle losing more of you than I've already got." I reply, pulling my fingers slowly through his hair and letting my body sag against him.
He laughs against my neck. "You've already got all of me." He tells me, wrapping his arms around my back before tightening his grip and lying me back against the single mattress with him hovering over me, grinning down at me. "But the question is, how much of yourself are you willing to share? Because I'll take anything."
I sigh and place my hands on his chest, pushing him to lie on his side beside me. I know I'm being unfair by leading him on, so I stand and run a quick hand through my hair. "Jacob, you're a really good guy, like, one of the best guys I've ever met. But, you've got to understand that since my father's death I've been treated like shit. I don't know how to trust anymore, the idea of trusting someone as much as I trust you only points to one thing, something that I can't accept. I can't fall in love with you." This is so not what I imagined happening when I decided to come to Forks.
"Why not? I don't get what's so bad about you falling in love with me. I know you love your mom, and I know that you hate her boyfriend, so let me help you. We've got houses on the Rez, houses that aren't being lived in, they're practically waiting. Stay here-"
"Jacob, I can't just uproot my entire life for you! That's what I mean, this is why I can't love you. When you love people they hold a power over you, the only way I've survived is by not letting anyone hold anything over me." I snarl, my voice still too low for Bella and the others to hear from the living room. "You've been loved your entire life, but me, I got eight amazing years, then four crappy ones, and since there I've been living in shit. I'm not the girl you take home to meet your parents, and I refuse to be a toy to entertain you until school's back. Girls like me don't win, girls like me fall so low that there's nowhere lower, and that's the only comfort in all of it, that when I reach the bottom, the only way will be up."
I turn away from him so he doesn't see my tears as they fall and pull my shirt over my head. "What if I could help, would you let me?" Jacob asks, sounding broken behind me.
Sniffling lightly, I wipe my eyes and grab a pair of sweats and a massive hoodie, pulling them on over my sports bra and shorts before turning back round and shrugging. "I don't know, you hungry?" I reply, motioning to my ice cream which is basically a milkshake now and rifling through my messenger bag, pulling out the spare set of cutlery I keep there -you never know where you might need some, I also keep a toilet roll, tea bags and a roll of scotch tape in there.
Jacob cracks a small smile. "I'm always hungry. That dusty old TV work?" He replies, sounding a little choked up. I nod, smiling as best I can and walking over to where he's shuffling up to lean against the wall that acts as a headboard for my single bed. "Oh, I was hoping you were going to say no so I could amaze you with my preparation skills." He tells me, smiling as he pulls a backpack up from the other side of the bed. "Flick the lights off, grab the ice cream, and come here." He adds, his smile growing by the second.
I do just as he tells me, flicking the lights off, grabbing the ice cream and two spoons, then walking over to the bed, feeling the mattress with my finger tips for the right spot until Jacob's hand grip my waist and yank me down to sit between his thighs with my back pressed up against his chest. He gently places something on my thighs, and when a light flashes on as he shifts it, a screen comes to life showing that it's a laptop.
"So, what do you want to watch?"
End of Chapter Six, things seem to be going pretty well here. I think this is one of my longer chapters -I'm not sure since I don't have word count- and I'm quite happy with it considering bugger all happened. I have trouble extending shortish periods of time when writing, so this fic is kind of a challenge for me in terms of doing that.
I hope you guys like Chapter Seven which is sadly not much longer than Chapter Five, but there are a few longer ones in there so fear not!
Please Review!