Soooooooooo... was the last chapter okay? I forgot to ask at the end. Now we're here at Chapter Nine and yet again I know the direction I want to go in but not really how to get there, so please bare with me and I'll try to make it entertaining.
One last thing, I am actually English and not American so sometimes I get confused by US slang and end up using British slang. If anyone's confused by anything then give me a shout and if I put Mum instead of Mom or anything like that then I apologise in advance.
My mom was a clever woman. She hid six, small party bottles of tequila under the floor boards, and it took me an entire half an hour to sniff them out once I got home. I was so fucking angry by the time I got off my bike after hours of riding and simply being left with my thoughts, so with my senses on high alert I could just smell the alcohol. I would have made her fucking proud when I downed the first bottle. Granted, it was small but given the fact that I'd never even had a beer before... well, she'd be fucking proud. Being a werewolf naturally makes me have a stronger tolerance to everything than a human, so I was fucking buzzed by the end of bottle number one. By the end of bottle four I was pissed. And by the end of bottle five I was too drunk to open bottle six. So obviously I did the clever thing and smashed the cap clean off. The cuts on my lips healed when I was sober enough to pick the glass shards out.
Yesterday morning when I checked my emails I had a bunch of them saying that something had better be a sick joke, so I opened one up and scrolled to the one I'd apparently sent, cringing at what it said.
'Moms ded and were having a fooneral so you shuld cum. be qwik i opened the boozz erlee' Oh my fucking god, what have I done was all I could think. Apparently I'd sent that email to twenty family members. Oh balls.
So, today's the official date for the funeral. I sent another email out apologising for my terrible grammar and saying that it wasn't a sick joke but that I was drunk. No point denying it.
I paid for everything in the end and had to run another rally to raise the money. I came second and barely scraped the right amount, but luckily I got it. She's getting a fucking expensive funeral I'll tell you that much.
Lucky for me, I managed to get my hands on another three bottles of tequila and have already downed two since people will be arriving any minute.
One of my not so incredible ideas that I'd had was to look through the photos that Tori left beside me each month. I met her and Aaron a week or so after I turned fifteen, about three weeks after I was turned. She coached me through my first month, caring for me the way only my father had ever done when I was sick as a kid. Before long she'd done so much for me and I easily agreed to do anything she asked, which as it turns out is killing. She convinced me that it didn't matter. She told me that they were bad people. That I was doing good. I believed her.
Every month I kept the photos. I never thought I'd look at them, but I kept them as a way to ground myself. I wasn't God. I didn't choose who lived and who died. I was Death. Tori was God. She gave the order and I took the life.
One single photo had my mind reeling. A single shot of a girl with long brown hair and huge brown doe eyes. There was a large, red X over the picture. Merhaps that meant I'd killed her and the next fifteen that all looked like her. The sixteen of them that looked like Bella. Yeah, I was really fucking curious now as to what Bella had done to piss Tori off so bad.
These girls, though. I couldn't get them out of my head. I'd killed them. Had I made them suffer? Had the screamed? How scared must the have been when I loomed over them like death? Had I toyed with them? Were they really guilty of anything more than looking like my cousin? I didn't have the answers to any of these. Only one thing. Tori's been training me this entire time. She's ready to use me to take Bella out. There must have been a reason she couldn't do it herself, though. She clearly knew about Jacob sicne he and the others had killed Aaron, but how did she know that I'd get past them when the inevitable happened?
She didn't.
I'm expendable. Replacable. Unneeded.
Growling, I storm off and grab my messanger bag, rifling through it until my hand meets paper. I tear the sheet out that I know to have a photo on it. The month that Tori docked me by half my pay.
Bella looks up at me, the photo of her and someone else. He's got skin as white as Tori's but gold eyes. If it weren't for the eyes I'd immediately pin him as a vampire.
There's a huge red circle around Bella's face. Tori did it and she failed.
Christ, did I go to attack? Was I intercepted? Did I stop? Did my wolf stop?
I suppose there's no way of knowing.
A knock on the door has a snarl rippling through me as I stalk over to the door, screwing the paper in my hand and throwing it into my trash on the way. I haven't dressed up today and I'm in fact wearing what I normally would, except it's warm today so I've dropped the jacket. I yank the door open the the teary faces of Renee, some guy, and Bella. Oh, and Jacob.
I open the door widely and motion to the crappy inside of my apartment. The four of them walk in, all huddled close. Especially Jacob and Bella. Bella who might know everything that I do and more. He's got his arm over her shoulders and she's hugging herself close into his side. His eye pin mine in a challenge, but what he doesn't know is that I'm too pissed to give a shit. Cunts. Maybe I'm not too drunk to care, but I could pass for it if I just don't say anything to them. "River, it's been so long. Too long." Renee says, tears dripping down her cheeks.
I nod. "Too long." I slur, skulking into my kitchen and pouring myself another drink. "Drink, anyone?" I ask loudly, not giving a shit that I'm underage and they can all see.
They all politely decline sitting awkwardly on my couch. "Suit yourselves." I say, tipping the glass back and drinking what's in it.
"Uh, River, what is that?" Bella asks, concerned. Would she be concerned if she knew what I'd almost done?
"Tequila." Jacob snarls for me. I smile, pretending to be proud of myself and nod.
Renee sighs. "Honey, I don't think you should be drinking-"
"Today's my mom's day, I'm just following her guidance." I say, pulling a cigarette and lighter from my pocket. "Now, in absense of any drugs that she would have approved of, I'll just have to smoke normal cigarettes, I hope she doesn't look down on me too harshly." I say mockingly as I take my tequila and smoke to the door. "I'd say entertain yourselves, but I don't own a TV. She sold it for coke."
"You're being ridiculous." Jacob states standing and coming towards me.
I take a long drink from the bottle, lighting my cigarette with one hand and dropping the lighter carelessly on the floor. "Oh well." I growl, opening the door and sticking the nicotine stick between my lips. "My mom and dad are both dead, who's going to tell me what to do?" I say, laughing slightly.
"River?" Comes a thick, deep voice. Nate. He wanders up to the apartment with Carly in tow. "Whoa, Riv, is this fucking tequila?" He snaps, trying to yank it from my hand. "Tequila and a cigarette?" He snarls.
"It's helping me to forget just how much it's costing to put that bitch in the ground." I state, and Nate snaps.
"Jesus Christ, River!" He yells. "You ungrateful fucking cow!" He screams at me, throwing his fist into the doorframe. "She raised you, took care of you when you were sick-"
"Got a boyfriend who beat me into hospital!" I yell, ensuring that my voice drowns his out. "Took so much money from me that I don't have any of Dad's inheritance left, she took everything from me! I dropped out of school when I was twelve for that cunt and what did I get? I got a fucking-"
It's happened pretty quickly.
I smirk, feeling the laughter bubbling in my chest. It's almost genuinely amusing.
"River, I..." He stutters. "Oh my god, sis, I'm sorry."
"Did it feel good, Nate?" I snarl. "I bet you feel better, don't you? Everyone in our family's the fucking same, we all stab one another in the back eventually."
"Oh my god, Nate." Carly utters, looking bewildered at him. "You just hit your sister!"
I simply take and long pull on my cigarette before drinking deeply until Jacob yanks the bottle from me, throwing it over the railings. Since I live on the eighth floor it smashes immediately at the bottom.
No one speaks again until we're all going to the cemetary, and even then it's only to tell me I'm too drunk to drive. I ignore them, telling them to follow me as I climb onto my bike, zooming out of reach when Jacob tries to grab for me. I make a comment about how I thought he was done chasing me and he lurches forwards, grabbing the back of my bike and heaving it to the side. He grabs me round the middle with one arm and lets my bike fall to the floor. He tells everyone to go and that he'll bring me in a minute. Nate ushers everyone away, saying that he knows the way there.
"I'm sorry." Jacob tells me.
I shrug as he lets me go. "I don't want to remember today." I reply.
Sighing, he nods before scrubbing his hands over his face. I watch the different emotion rollover him until his face softens into understanding or something akin to it. "How about a deal?" He suggests, his voice a mix of defeat and pain.
"What kind of deal?" I ask, raising a brow.
Jacob sighs deeply. "If you act today, and act well, then I'll buy us both some booze and we'll both get completely wasted. We'll get so pissed that we won't remember a thing, okay? I don't want you to be alone, and if you're not going to remember then why not have a little company?"
I don't know why, but I nod. "I want to do something crazy. I want to be irresponsible."
"River-"
"Did you lash out when your mom died?" I ask him, watching him stiffen. "When my dad died I went through a silent phase. I decided that I wanted to talk to him and no one else. I didn't speak for a week and a half before one of Nate's buddies sat with me and talked me 'round. Told me Mom was in a bad place. Told me that I had to look after her with Nate. I did what he said, but I hated it. I hated everything for a while. I wanted my dad but no one could bring him back." Tears fall openly across my cheeks, creating paths over my skin.
Jacob watches me for a long moment before smiling sadly at me. "I know it sucks." He says simply. "But hey, we can do anything you want later, okay? I mean it."
"What if I don't think you'll give me what I want?" I ask him, watching as his posture goes stiff and confusion clouds his features. "What if I've screwed whatever was between us so badly that I'm too late?"
There's something so very soft in his eyes when he looks at me. There's a heat in my belly that I've never known before. It's soft and it's gentle, it's caring and it's a caress, but through all of this it's entirely destructive and consuming. "I've told you before, River," He grumbles, smiling. "I'll always chase you in the hopes that I'll catch you."
His admission tugs on me. Fuck. I want him "Kiss me." I demand. His eyes shoot wide, apprehension and caution clouding his face, questionning me. "You've caught me, Jacob. I'm not running anymore." Am I laying myself bare? Is this what it feels like to give in? If it is then I feel like my heart is being tugged by a million different strings. Fear and longing tug at my gut, scrambling my rational thoughts like eggs.
He nods and my heart explodes. I know that he's almost certainly only saying yes so that I'll do what he wants, but Christ on a bike, it feels incredible as I walk over to him slowly, knowing that he's all ine if only for now. And when I reach him I place my hands gently on his chest, taking in what he's wearing I fear for the life of my brain. I know that this is wrong. It's so very wrong. Seriously though, who can look so good wearing that? Black dress pants, matching shoes, a black shirt, and a black tie. He looks fucking amazing. Okay, I guess it's not too tough to look good wearing that, but hears it especially well.
I slowly push my hands up his chest until they're toying with the hairs on the nape of his neck. He moves us so that he can lean against my bike, sitting sideways on it and letting me step between his legs. He's much easier to reach at this height.
Leaning forwards I feel his breath fall hot and heavy against my own lips until the tips of our noses brush. It quickly becomes a sobering moment and my breath hitches as my fingers push into Jacob's hair, slanting his head upwards and lowering my lips down to his.
The instant heat that comes from his touch has me melting against his body in less that a second, a breathy whimper escaping me.
He keeps his hands at his sides, clenching them so hard even his shoulders tighten up.
His lips are pliant under my own, moving just enough for it to still count as kissing and not just a couple of faces smashed together. Thinking more of him than myself, I bite down on his bottom lip, tugging lightly before releasing it and soothing it with my tongue.
When I lick at the crease of his lips he's all too eager to open his mouth, a real moan coming from him when my tongue pushes past his lips, curiously touching and tasting his own. With strong, assertive movements he controls the kiss, his tongue dominating my own as I close my eyes and wrap my arms around him. It's weird, slightly numbed by alcohol yet so very alive.
His hands find my waist with a firm grip, holding me where he wants me -which happens to be as close to his groin as possible- as he leans his lower body away from the bike to rub his crotch against me.
I must admit that the whole tongue thing is kind of fucking incredible. Every time we move even slightly it's like a jolt of pure energy gallops through me like a herd of elephants. Every part of my body is on fire with his touch as his hands slide down to rub my thighs before he grabs behind my knees and yanks me up to straddle his hips as he grinds up into me. I groan shamefully loud into his mouth, rolling my hips down against his and being rewarded with a strangled moan.
We keep it up for a couple of minutes before he pulls away, leaning his head back as I place mine against his chest. "No more hiding from me." He grumbles gruffly, and I nod against his chest. "Either I'm staying here or you're coming back with me." He tells me, an for the sake of peace I nod. "Good, and now I'm driving and you're going to sit on the back of the bike, got it?" I nod once more.
He looks down at me and tilts my face up with a soft touch before kissing me sweetly.
We stand for a second, ensuring that no one would know what we were just doing, but I can't help the smile that finds me when notice the bulge in Jacob's pants. He readjusts himself, making it a little less obvious. It doesn't change the fact that I know it was me that caused it though.
All is forgotten though as we climb onto the bike. We've had our fun. Our stupid, irresponsible fun. I got to be the dumb teenager but now it's time to stop.
He stands beside me during the service.
He catches me when my legs give out as I cry.
He holds me tight and lets me sob into his shoulder while they lower the casket.
Everyone approaches me at the end when we all leave and go to a hall I rented for the afternoon. There's free beer since I already paid for it, there's wine, and there's sodas.
Everyone tells me what a tragic loss it was. They say that she was too young. They tell me that she was an angel. I want to scream that none of them ever tried to help her, that they left us.
Jacob keeps me calm. My anchor through this all.
Nate comes over and we sit together. He hands me a shot almost as an apology and I take it, shrugging when he asks if I want another. I don't particularly want anything. I can't want anything if I can't feel anything. Charlie comes to sit with the four of us -me, Jacob, Nate and Carly- with a tray of beers. He says that he's here for us any time we need him. Apparently everyone is, but look how much fucking help they've all been so far.
Everyone comes and goes, but the only person who sticks to my side is Jacob, and at the end of it all when it's just me, him and a few others, he waves them all off, saying that he'll get me home safely.
The ride home is silent, and Jacob tries to make good on his promise of alcohol, but I just pull him into the elevator to my apartment and squash myself into his side. He understands what I need and wraps his enormous, warm, strong arms around me, heating me through and through. He picks me up when I break down and cry, carrying me to my aprtment and plucking the key from my pocket, unlocking it and taking me inside before laying me on my couch.
I don't wonder how he knows where I keep my duvet even as he gets it and lays it over me, I'm just pleased when he lies beside me and balls us up together under the covers. "I'll look after you." He whispers into my ear, his arms forming a secure metal cage around my back as I press my nose into the hollow of his throat. We lie like this, completely still for hours until my exhaustion wins. Jacob strokes my hair soothingly as I try to battle sleep, kissing my forehead and telling me not to fight it, to dream. And so I do just that. I dream of him, and how he'd be to wake up to every morning, what it'd be like to share a bed with him. I dream about what it's like to let myself love him, and if a dream's anything to go by, then it's worth doing.
When I wake though, I'm alone.
His shoes are gone from by the door and the faintest scent of him is from well over an hour ago.
A tear slips down my cheek and I stand, groaning at everything.
Jacob has left me here.
I don't blame him, though he seemed convincing last night.
I sigh and let my head fall as I brace my arms on the counter top.
He's gone and he's not coming back.
He warned me to stop fucking with him, but did I listen? No, and this is the price I pay.
He told me not to expect him to wait, why did I think that meant he'd help me?
I'm so fucking dumb.
Snarling, I yank my fridge open, only to slam it shut with an enraged growl when it's empty. "Fuck!" I yell, throwing my fist into the wall. The plaster and parts of wall crumble, falling as I yank my fist out of the hole in the wall.
The tiny cuts heal almost instantly, which for some reason pisses me off slightly, but I don't do it again.
"Hey, you okay?" Jacob asks me.
Jacob?
Jacob!
I spin on my heel to see him standing in the doorway of my front door, grocery bags in his hands. He drops them when he sees that I'm crying.
I rush over ot him, almost taking him clean off his feet when I crash into him, my lips desperately moulding against his. I throw my arms round his neck and lift myself up, wrapping my legs around his waist.
He soon gets over his initial shock, arms clasping round my back and lips working furiously against mine.
I thrust my tongue into his mouth, moaning when he whimpers and spins us round, shoving me up against the door as it slams shut. His hips rear back and thrust against me roughly over and over as he hardens. I groan, a breathy moan escaping me as a squeak every time he does it.
I throw my head back, a shocked noise ripping from my throat when Jacob's hands support me by my ass as he slams himself against me, his lips moving busily on my neck, kissing, nipping and licking.
When he pulls away I whimper. "Whoa, River," And it hits me what I've just done. "This is a little fast." He pants out. I nod, pushing us away from the wall and untangling my legs from around his waist, dropping to the floor and pulling my hands from his hair. I spin on my heel and walk into the kitchen, grabbing a glass and asking Jacob if he wants a drink. He politely declines so I pour myself one, leaning my front against the counter top, sighing and screwing my eyes shut. Can I not do anything right, what was I thinking? Oh yeah, I wasn't.
Behind me he sighs, moving around.
Grocery bags are laid down beside me and the there's something big and firm pressing against my ass, shocking me into jumping against the counter.
A deep rumble of laughter falls from Jacob as he leans down, keeping me pinned by my hips as he presses his lips to the back of my neck. "Trust me, I really want you, like, more than I even thought possible, but you're grieving. I want to get to really know you. I want to know you better than I know myself, and I want to know about your wolf." He tells me, kissing my neck every few words. "And then, when I know everything about you that you can tell me, I'll learn everything there is to know about your body." I gasp as he speak with such intensity, I can only image the smoldering look in his eyes right now. "I want to know what makes you scream." Holy fuck, I think I'm going to combust. "I want to know what takes your breath away." Dying here. "And then, once I know it all, you won't leave my arms for days." Dead.
I nod awkwardly, a blush engulfing my face, neck, and chest all in one.
Just breathe, River, that's the key. "The scent of your arousal drives my wolf wild." He tells me, his voice so chilled that he could have just as easily been talking about the weather. He soon steps forwards until the tough muscles of his chest and abdoman are pressed firmly against my back along with the straining organ in his pants.
There's a deep heat in the base of my spine, meeting a similar one in the pit of my stomach as he speaks. I gasp lightly and stare down at my hands. How in god's name did I end up in a situation like this?
Okay, change topic and do it quickly. "Charlie seemed pretty cool yesterday, what did you tell him?" I ask, one step away from fanning myself as he subtly presses his erection into my ass, grinding with a deep rumble of his chest.
"I don't want to talk about Charlie," He leans down with his lips against my neck and smirks. "I don't feel like talking."
My knees fail me, but Jacob is more than prepared, spinning me round and before I know it I'm perched on the counter with him between my legs, my arms around his neck as my back arches into him. His lips are rough yet welcomed on my neck as they search for my pulse point, finding it and sucking relentlessly.
One of my hands curls in his hair, claws and all scratching down his scalp, but the other flies to cover my mouth as I choke out a groan. It seems to fall of deaf ears as Jacob wraps his arms around my back, pulling me to the edge of the counter and grinding his erection against my core.
I don't hold back the groan that falls from my lips, and neither does he, hot breath caressing my neck as he breaks away for a second. "I thought I was supposed to be grieving?" I pant, my hands softly exploring the hard planes of his back as I talk.
He grins that big wolfish grin of his and presses his lips to the corner of my mouth. "I'm trying to cheer you up." He replies softly, but all I hear is that he's trying to make me feel better now since he has to go home to Forks -to Bella- soon. No matter what he does to prove to me that he doesn't love her there's always that voice in my head telling me I'm not good enough for him, that she is. She could give him a normal life, she could settle down with him. Hell, she doesn't turn into a ravenous monster for two nights a month that doesn't seem to have memory or feelings.
"Hey," He snaps, grabbing my chin roughly and forcing me to look up at him. I must look like a deer in headlights. "I don't like that look." He tells me, a firm line of grim determination set on his lips. "Whatever you're thinking, stop. I know you won't beleive me, but I love you, everything about you excites me-"
"I excite you because I'm somethng new. You'll realise that you don't know me well enough to love me, and soon enough-"
"Soon enough I'll spend however many days and nights it takes to convince you of how much I love you." He snarls, his hands releasing my face in favour of my wrists, acting as shackles holding them down to the counter. An uninvited shiver of heat ripples through my lower belly, exciting me while I scowl.
He leans down, grinning devilishly and presses the flat pad of his tongue to the hollow of my throat before dragging it up my neck and kissing my chin. I try not to gasp at the foreign sensation, but he smirks as I still and stop pulling my wrists away. Half an hour later he freed me, frustrated and flustered as I told him I had to go to work. He grinned when I told him I work in a garage in the day and a diner at night. He also decided to wander around San Francisco while I was out, saying that he'll meet Sam and the others who were apparently staying near by.
He refused to leave the room as I got changed, groaning audibly when I kicked my pants off. When I turned to snap at him he merely grinned at me and stalked over, pulling my shirt over my head. I sure as hell still don't quite understand our relationship, but what I do know is that it's fire.
One of us is bound to get burned.
I get to work a few minutes before my shift starts, pressing the security code into the door before going in and shaking hands with my boss, Don. We catch up for about half an hour before he walks me over to a group of teenagers who have trashed their bikes. "So, what's up?" I ask them after pulling my overalls on over my trousers and tying the arms around my waist.
"We, uh, we were riding around the park and fell." One of the six lads says as four girls shuffle with them.
I nod. "And this park, did it happen to have other bikes or did you manage to clip another one on the way here in the truck?" I ask them, watching as they all freeze. "Listen, we're not the cops and we sure as hell don't care if you're doing anything like rallies, but it'll make it easier for us if we know what's happened." I tell them, looking at the five bikes. All of them are fairly cheap dirtbikes but all seem to have fairly good parts which suggests that these kids have money.
"Jason was winning so some guy rammed him." A tall girl with blonde curly hair tells me, chewing her gum loudly. The others all hiss at her to shut up.
"Okay, well you'll need new faring on the whole front of your bike here," I say, pointing at the first bike and dragging my fingers over the cracks that are too large to simply fill in. I carry on telling them everything that's wrong with their bikes that they need to replace and almost gasp as they all pull out well over five hundred dollars each when I give them the total for the work. They all split the bill and give the money to Don who tells them that they can come back in a few hours or stay here.
Three of the guys opt to stay with one of the girls while the others decide to leave. Apparently the first four want to watch me work on the bikes.
Every damn thing I do they're asking about it. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind people asking questions and taking an interest, but it's questions to do with the ingredients in a cleaning agent and how the plants or something were processed. My cell ringing is a welcome distraction. I excuse myself an answer it. "Hello, River Nivalis speaking." I say into the receiver.
"Uh, hey, River, it's Jacob Black, remember me." Teases the deep voice on the other end.
I sigh. "Jacob, I'm working, what's up?" I ask, pleased to hear his voice but annoyed with myself for being pleased.
I can practically hear him nod. "Okay, well I found the guys, well, we all found each other, but now, well-"
"You're lost?" I ask.
"Yeah, and none of us can get internet to find a map back towards your place, and we're confused and a guy just offered to suck Paul off. We're scared."
Sighing and pinching the bridge of my nose I told him to wait a second. I ended the call and finished the first bike, telling the kids that things would take longer than I though since I had an errand to run. "Don, I kind of need to head out for a little while." I told him as he watched some show in the staff room. He nodded and asked why. "I, uh, my fri- boyfriend, hell, I don't know. I got a call from someone saying they're lost in town and they've just been offered a blowjob." I say, shrugging.
"Twenty bucks says is was freaky Pete," Don replied, nodding to me as I went. I took his bet as I joined my helmet up to the bluetooth on my cell and walked out to my bike, calling Jacob.
"Describe your surroundings. Be specific and quick, Black." I snarled, annoyed that I was having to leave work for his sorry ass. I found them all in under fifteen minutes, wheeling my bike along the sidewalk to them. I push the visor up on my helmet. "So, I want to know how you managed to get here." I say, smirking as freaky Pete comes over. "Pete, no one wants a blow job." I tell him, watching as he smiles and walks off. You'd be surprised how much business he actually gets.
"You know that guy?" Paul all but snarls.
I shrug. "Everyone around here knows Pete."
I walk them all to the bus stop nearest me and push the enormous boys onto the bus, tipping the driver with instructions where to let them off. He smiles and nods with a few extra dollars in his pocket, assuring me he'll take good care of them.
I gave Don twenty bucks when I got back to work for guessing it was freaky Pete before heading back to the kids with the bikes and setting about fixing them.
By the time my shift's over I'm so damn tired, but I ride straight over to the diner that I work in, ready for my second job.
There ain't no rest for the wicked.