Horrible author's note upcoming. I'm sorry I haven't updated on monday as I usually do - I got a call nobody wants on Friday night. As some of you know, I'm in Australia for 9 months, so I'm very far away from Denmark, where I'm from. Friday, my mom called me and told me my granddad only had a few hours left to live in and I had to say goodbye to him over skype. I was very close with my granddad so it's affecting me a lot.

I can't promise how regular updates are going to be. I'm going back to Denmark for a little week and then traveling back to Australia after, so I have a hard and busy time ahead of me. I hope you'll stick with me and I'll try my best to keep up the writing.

Here's chapter 19:

I had expected things to change drastically between Elena and I since I'd said yes, but a week later, we were the same as always.

Elena had begun her finals, and between training and studying we were too busy to spend any real time together.

I now felt a hell of a lot better about looking at her ass when we were working out trying to remember that her birthday was coming up soon, which would mean she'd be 17, thus one year closer to being legal. I knew it was in July, but I wasn't sure what date, so I would have to go to the hospital to check up on that – no way I was going to ask her.

Although I knew it was going to be hard to look at her all day, kissing her and hugging her and not being able to sleep with her, I refused to do that while she was still so young. Gentle sex was something I'd never tried, and lovemaking wasn't exactly a specialty of mine either. But unless we were to break up, her first time was going to be with me, and I would have to find some way to make it not horrible.

I knew that the first time could be quite painful for women and that blood was involved – I didn't want Elena to hurt.

But for now, we seemed to be the same, so I didn't want to worry too much about it. Instead, I focused on how much progress she was making during our training. We had moved on to using weapons and I was trying to teach her how to use guns and crossbows, preferably without the recoil knocking her off her feet. She was definitely making progress, but she was also a pretty small girl, so she was having issues.

I helped her by standing behind her holding my hands over hers as she fired the gun and hit square on the mark – but as soon as I wasn't holding her, she missed by almost a foot.

It didn't help that I was getting more and more frustrated with her. I yelled at her once, but that resulted in her staring me down and telling me that she wasn't a strong vampire like me, so I had to chill the fuck out.

Message received, loud and fucking clear.

She had also been kind of hurt when I told her she needed to sleep in her own bedroom, and I refused to settle on the matter.

Kissing before bedtime would end up in grinding, which would end up in sex. I may have excellent control over my body, but Elena has an annoying habit of turning me into a total mess that couldn't control anything, so I wasn't risking it. Unless she was having nightmares, or some other psycho killer turned up, she was sleeping in her own bedroom. Not that it was what I preferred – I missed cuddling her every night, however sappy that sounds. However, I knew myself well enough to know I wouldn't be able to keep my hands off of her.

So, once again, I had to go completely against my nature and be selfless.

I had to, for Elena's sake.

As soon as she left for one of her finals, I headed to the hospital. I hadn't been able to find her birth records in Miranda and Grayson's house. Of course, I should probably know the date when my heart started beating and my life changed forever, but I'm a horrible vampire and I don't remember.

Compelling my way through the hospital was extremely easy and it wasn't long, before I was sitting in front of a computer, looking up Elena's name. Thank God for the modern age where typing anything into a computer yielded whatever information I so desired. That made it so much easier for me.

Reading Elena's file felt oddly private to me. I felt like I might as well be reading through her diary, and it wasn't a comfortable feeling at all. I tried to shake it off that unfamiliar feeling and was relieved to see her date of birth in the top corner.

July 12th, 1994.

We were nearing the middle of June, so, I still had a little under a month to plan a special party for her and find her the perfect gift. Maybe I'll need Blondie's help again. I would of course prefer to find a gift without her help, but the reality is that I suck at it.

Now that I knew Elena was safe, I had another job to get done – I had to find Alaric again, sit down and explain everything about the Singer bond. I hadn't had much time to think about the fact that he just up and left after I'd let him sleep off the alcohol in the Boardinghouse, but now that the killer was effectively out of the world, I was beginning to think about it again.

It would probably also be nice for Elena to have someone in her life, she might actually remember. As far as I understood from the little conversation we'd had at the bar, he'd actually been a part of her life.

I printed a copy of Elena's medical records, to make sure I always had it somewhere and then headed home again to get started on locating Alaric. I'd let him down so many times now, and because of Elena, I wanted to make up for it.

She was actually starting to turn me into a decent person.

It turned out that finding Alaric was a lot easier than I thought. I just had to call him. He apparently hadn't changed his number in almost a decade, and answered on the first ring.

"I figured you'd call at some point, but I'm a bit disappointed. Did it really take you almost two months to notice I was gone?"

I smirked into the receiver.

"I did notice, but something else was taking up my time. Where are you, buddy?" I asked, not intending to tell him everything over the phone.

"Richmond. They've hired me as their history professor."

I rolled my eyes at him. He was a vampire and still he was pursuing a real job? He was starting to sound like Caroline and Stefan.

"Since when do you enjoy playing pretend?" I asked.

There was no laugh coming from the other end.

"Since it gives me access to all their archives on supernatural beings. I'm trying to figure out what was going on with Miranda."

Guilt rose in my body, as I heard he was still pursuing that. He sounded a lot better than last time I'd talked to him, but of course it was still eating him up. I didn't even want to imagine Elena dying, or how I'd feel in the aftermath.

"I can help you with that. Is there anywhere we can meet, or do you want to come to Mystic Falls?" I asked, deciding that I'd tell him everything.

I'd rather have him hear it from someone who knew, rather than read about it, in a book that might not be able to actually explain everything fully.

"I can't go too far from campus, Damon, but you can come here if you wanna bother with the ride."

I sighed and already started looking for a note to leave for Elena.

"See you in a few hours."

The drive to Richmond wasn't too bad. I understood that Alaric has some sort of commitment to his teaching, and while I personally couldn't imagine spending my days doing whatever it was Alaric did, I was no longer single-mindedly focused on binge drinking - booze or blondes.

Once again, I noticed how much of an effect Elena had on me. I would not have gone to see him if it wasn't for her. She was solely responsible for helping me become a better version of myself.

When I arrived at his apartment, he let me in immediately. It actually seemed like a pretty nice place. The walls were exposed brick and he had a big open living room that was connected to the kitchen. One door I presumed led to the bedroom and another to the bathroom.

"What do you know about Miranda?"

"Well, hello to you too, old friend," I said, laughing as Alaric's eyes remained focused and serious from the moment I stepped in the door.

He didn't seem to be happy with that response though.

"I'm serious, Damon. I've been trying to figure out what happened ever since she died. If you know something, tell me," he said.

I sighed and took the three bottles of bourbon I brought out of my bag. A peace offering of sorts.

"Sit down, Ric, this is going to be a long talk."

I could almost see him brace himself, as he closed the door behind me and led me to two very comfortable looking couches in the living room. I handed him one bottle and screwed off the cap on the one I was holding.

"Miranda was your singer," I said, trying to figure out where to start and how to explain everything to him.

Right now, he just looked utterly confused.

"Singer? No, Miranda was a history-major. I've heard her sing in the shower. Trust me, she's not a singer," Ric said, frowning at me.

I sighed.

"Not that type of singer. Singers are supernatural creatur-"

"Miranda wasn't supernatural. Or she wouldn't have died from a simple car crash," Ric spat angrily, "this actually hurts, Damon, don't come here to try and mock me."

"Would you shut up for a second so I can actually tell you what's going on?" I asked, my patience running out.

He looked at me as though he didn't really believe me, but he leaned back into the couch and I tried again.

"Singers are supernatural creatures who are tied to vampires. Legend says that only every third vampire has one and from the moment they're born, the vampire's heart will start beating again – exactly like theirs. A vampire isn't be able to stay away from their Singer from that moment on and will always want to protect them and know where they are," I said, trying to explain it as well as I could.

I should be able to – after all, my own Singer was alive and well and I knew firsthand what it was like, now that we'd been so close for so long.

"I couldn't protect her from that car crash," Ric said, sounding brokenhearted.

I sighed, not looking forward to this part.

"That's because a Singer will die when they reach the age their vampire reached in their human life. When they were turned," I said, looking at Ric.

His mouth opened slightly at first, but then he opened his bottle and took a big swig from it. That told me everything I needed to know. Miranda had been as old as Ric was, when he was turned and it had been her time.

"Why didn't I know this," Ric said, crestfallen, "it all fits... but I never knew. I just knew I had to keep her safe, but..."

I sighed and took a swig from my own bottle.

"I should have told you," I said, thinking back to when I'd first met Alaric.

None of us knew who had turned him. I'd been playing dead on the road as always, and suddenly he came staggering out of the woods, blood everywhere and scared eyes. I'd been just about to feed on him, when I smelled something different and figured out he was transitioning.

Against my better judgment, I'd taken him in and helped him. I don't know why I did it – maybe it was because it had been one of those decades, where I was missing my brother and the bond we used to have, before Katherine fucked us up.

He was a German, who had escaped from Germany during the first world war and had been hiding from going back as a soldier.

Strangely enough, we became friends, as I taught him how to feed and how to be a proper vampire. Once the war ended, and everything seemed to be peaceful, I showed him the world and how easy life is, when you're a vampire.

I even found a witch to make him a daylight-ring, so he wouldn't have to worry about that.

And then, in Italy, everything went wrong. Alaric met a woman. At first, I didn't think it would be anything to worry about. We'd both had plenty of women on our travels – even been together with the same women, at the same time. But this lady, she was different.

Isobel.

Somehow, she knew about us, even before Alaric had spoken too long with her. It didn't scare her, though. She was excited. She spent all the time she could with us, and Alaric fell head over heels for her.

He told me about it, and I warned him because I'd noticed something strange about her, but he didn't care. He loved her and he wanted to make her his, so he went for it.

He proposed to her and asked her to become a vampire with him. She said yes.

Alaric was over the moon when he told me, and of course he still refused to hear me out when I said something wasn't right about the situation.

One day, he came to me and told me they were going to do it that night. He was going to give her his blood and then he was going to kill her, so she could come back to him and they could live forever.

Again, I tried to warn him, but nothing was going to make him change his mind.

When he woke up a day after, she was gone. She'd let him turn her, pretended to go to sleep with him and then vervained him and took off. Alaric was absolutely heartbroken and wanted to go searching for her, but I refused.

And that was where our ways parted.

While I hadn't wanted to, I'd come to care about him, and my only friend leaving hurt too much. I switched off my emotions and went out into the world without him.

I didn't see him again, until he was suddenly sitting at The Grill.

"Damon, I'm... I'm sorry about what happened back then. I should have let her go. I should have listened to you," Ric said, looking at me.

I hadn't thought about what happened back then in a long while. After he left, I'd done everything I could to forget even though that wasn't possible.

"We all make mistakes," I said, trying to smile at him, but it came out more like a vague grimace.

I still had a lot more to tell him, and I wasn't sure how he was going to respond.

"I know, but that was one that cost our friendship," he said.

I shrugged and leaned back. Maybe it was a good thing he was feeling guilty. Then he wouldn't be so mad, when I told him Miranda's daughter and I were sort of dating.

"Miranda's daughter... do you know what became of her?" I asked vaguely.

Ric looked up at me suddenly, alarm in his face.

"I thought she died with the rest. Is Elena still alive?" he asked.

I nodded and Ric immediately headed for the door.

"I have to find her. She can't be stuck in an orphanage, I'm an old friend of the family. Miranda would have trusted me with her," he said, grabbing his car keys.

"Ric, stop," I said, speeding towards him, "she's okay. She's not in an orphanage."

He looked at me, even more confused.

"She... she's my Singer. She's been living with me since the accident. I've been taking care of her... and she's sort of... she likes me," I said quickly, trying to get everything out.

The next thing I remembered was leaving a large dent in Ric's fridge, as he punched me so hard, I was pushed into it. Then his hand was on my neck and he had full on veins and fangs out.

"You do not touch her, Damon. Ever."

Lucky for me, I had a little over 170 years on him, so I easily pried his hand away and held him back.

"She's my Singer, Alaric. I'll do anything to protect her. But when she turns 24, she's going to have to choose, no matter if she wants to or not," I said calmly, trying not to remember that one way or the other.

Elena was going to have to die – it was just a question of whether she would be back or not. I was definitely not looking forward to seeing her dead, but I also knew that I didn't want anyone else to do it.

Ric sneered at me.

"I know you, Damon. I was with you for years. I've seen how you treat women. Elena is not a toy and she's not someone you can just ditch when you get bored. She's so pure and innocent and you do not get to corrupt that," he said.

"Ric, stop. I've saved her life 4 or 5 times now and I still haven't touched her inappropriately – not that she didn't want me to. She's jumped me two times already and I've been the adult. As much as it kills me, I still told her no. Unfortunately, her kidnapper had her naked, so I imagine she isn't as innocent anymore," I said, growling at the thought of what he had done to her.

Ric stopped and looked at me, his eyes full of fear.

"Kidnapper?"

"Get the bourbon. I'll fill you in."

One very long talk and two bottles of bourbon later, Ric and I were saying goodbye and he promised to come around soon. He had to finish up the school year, but he would come to her birthday and come stay with us during the holiday.

He had agreed with me, that she would probably like someone to be there, who she already knew. He was going to have to figure out how to explain to her that he was a vampire, he hadn't figured that out yet, but we'd get there. Hopefully Elena has gotten used to the idea of vampires by now so that she wouldn't be too upset.

When I got back to the Boarding House, it was almost two in the morning and I was surprised to hear that Elena was still up. I locked my car and took my time about walking to her. That talk with Ric had only reminded me, that Elena was living a life that was ticking down every second and she would have to make a very important decision before too long.

When I got to her, she was in the room we used for working out, doing a bench press. I sped to her, to assist her. She wasn't supposed to be doing this on her own. If she couldn't hold it anymore, it could fall on her throat and block her airway.

"Elena, how many times have I told you, that you can't do this without a partner?" I said, keeping an eye on her, while she worked.

She was covered in sweat and she was only wearing a sports bra and shorts. Way too much of her skin was revealed and I worked hard to keep my erection from showing.

She didn't answer me, but just kept blowing out air and pushing harder. I'd never seen her do this many before and wondered where the extra energy came from.

Once I saw her getting too exhausted, I lifted the heavy bar away from her and put it on its perch. She looked angrily at me, while she breathed hard.

"I wasn't done with that, Damon," she said, grabbing her water bottle and almost emptying it.

"Yes, you were. You were so close to losing your grip," I said, crossing my arms across my chest.

She stood up and shot out her hip.

"No, I wasn't! I'm not weak," she said, putting the water bottle down again.

I raised an eyebrow at her.

"I never said you were. But that was too heavy for you," I said.

She was definitely getting stronger, but the weights on it were far too much for someone her size.

"Stop trying to belittle me!" she said angrily, stalking over to the weapons and grabbing one of the bigger guns.

I knew we didn't keep wooden bullets in them, for safety reasons, but I still felt a little alarmed.

"I." she fired the gun once and actually hit within 5 inches of her goal.

"Am." she fired again.

"Not." and again.

"Weak."

The last shot landed straight in the middle of the target and she threw the gun away. Before I knew what was going on, she was running towards me and once again, jumped me and pressed her lips to mine. It took me a second to catch on from the sheer confusion of what had just happened, but I backed up until I hit the wall and then grabbed her ass and neck, kissing her back with a vengeance.

Her lips were angry against mine and she was pulling at my hair and pushing me into the wall behind me.

I'd never experienced anything as hot as that.

I turned her around, so her back was against the wall and my body automatically started grinding against her core. She moaned into my mouth and pulled even harder on my hair, her teeth biting down on my lip, hard enough to draw blood.

I thought I might climax from the feeling of her sucking on my lip, while drinking my blood.

It was totally unexpected and that it was her doing it just made it even better. I growled at her, my veins popping forth and fangs shooting out. I could feel how much she wanted me, how much she desired me and the lack of thoughts in her head, were reflected in mine.

Elena then moved her hands from my hair, to my ass and she started clawing at my t-shirt, scratching my skin in the progress. It was only when she had it halfway up my back that I realized where this was going and I pulled away from her, resting my head against hers.

She tried to kiss me again and clawed even harder at my shirt.

"Elena..." I said, sounding out of breath.

My dick was throbbing and I wanted nothing more than to bury myself within her, but I couldn't. She only whimpered at me and pulled even harder at my shirt.

"Elena, we can't..." I said, even though my entire body was against me.

She pulled her head back so fast that it collided with the wall with a nasty thump.

"Are you okay?" I asked, reaching back to feel the back of her head.

Her skin was still intact, so worst case scenario would be a little bump. But the injury still pained me both physically as I hated that she was hurting and because I was the cause.

"You... you don't want me?" she said, her voice suddenly small.

She had blood on her teeth, from sucking on my lip and her hair was a mess after I'd been digging my hands into it and she looked hotter than ever, but I just couldn't.

She was 16 and that wasn't the way her first time was supposed to be. Not up against a wall in a room meant for training her to kill vampires. It was supposed to be in a bed with candles and flowers and chocolates and all kinds of romantic bullshit I couldn't offer her.

"What I want doesn't matter... we can't," I said, backing off the wall and letting her slide down.

She must have noticed my erection and at least known that this wasn't what I wanted. I hoped that she understood, because I couldn't explain it.

"I don't get it," she whispered, "I thought you wanted to give us a chance."

I sighed and found myself cupping her face and caressing it with my thumbs. She was so beautiful and I'd given her these fears. I wanted to take them away.

"I do, Elena... but we can't have sex. Not yet," I said, kissing her nose gently.

Tears started leaking down her cheeks and I wanted to pull her into my arms, but she pulled away from me.

"I wish you would stop lying," she said and then she ran out, the tears still spilling over her lashes.

I banged my head against the wall where I'd just had her pinned, primed and ready.

I'm the biggest idiot on the planet.

I'll try and update again in a week's time. I hope you guys liked this! My amazing beta Livlovesdelena and I are working together on this fic and I can tell you it's coming along very well.