Hi guys - again, I'm so sorry I haven't been updating. Life is a mess right now and I'm trying to adjust back to Australia, finding friends and getting out and on the same time my muse is completely silent and I'm having issues writing. Hopefully, I can kickstart her, somehow, and get going again. I have so many things planned for this story and for when it's finished, so I intend to finish it and I intend to see it through. Hopefully, it won't be too long.

Thank you for sticking with me - this is a big chapter and I hope you all like it.

MAJOR MATURE RATING ON THIS CHAPTER! PUTTING IN TRIGGER WARNING AS WELL!

Chapter 21:

Elena's POV

2 months later

It had been 2 months since Caroline's surprise party for me, and Damon and I had been in a strange sort of limbo, between being boyfriend and girlfriend, and him pushing me away.

Whenever we seemed to actually be getting anywhere further than 1st base, he just slammed on the brakes. It was frustrating and I had no idea what to do about it. Most of my frustration just went into my journal – it was now completely filled with my worrying about everything, and today was no different.

Dear Diary,

So, it turns out that getting Damon to do as I want is a little harder than I thought. I started subtle enough, showing a little more cleavage than usual, tighter pants, being sure to brush against him casually at every chance I got, and I stopped kissing him. That was as much torture for me, as it was for him, trust me.

I'd honestly thought a few days of this would be enough to make him cave, but he seems set on being difficult. I don't get what the big problem is. I mean, I'm his girlfriend. Shouldn't sex be a normal part of our relationship?

I think so.

I mean, wasn't that what he meant, back when he was all 'you're too young to understand an adult relationship'?

Well, I'm going to prove to him that I am and that's why I've decided to step up my game.

I've talked to Caroline, who listened to me rant for an hour, before offering me a trip through her night drawer. She has tons of sexy clothes, and I eventually chose a deep blue french piece, that still had tags on it, and thanked Caroline profusely.

She didn't seem to mind, and had noted that it was probably better to use lingerie, instead of Matt, or any other boy for that matter, to bait Damon. Certainly not a good plan if I wanted said boy to remain breathing.

I could see her point, of course.

Horny Damon equals grumpy Damon.

Of course, if he'd just be willing to meet me in the middle, he wouldn't have to be horny. But, apparently it's okay to screw every blonde bimbo on this side of Mystic Falls, but your seventeen year old girlfriend wants to sleep with you, and that's unreasonable.

Cheers to me, for being the only girl that a guy with no standards won't fuck.

God, he makes me so frustrated.

I've even tried getting crafty, ambushing him in bed with nothing more than a camisole and a cute pair of lacy underwear. But he just shook his head, trying not to smirk and then he sent me back to my bedroom!

It's annoying, how hard it is to get laid. And by Damon, who practically invented the word sex.

Is it so complicated that I want to be with him like that? He acts as if having sex is going to change our relationship, but I don't see how.

Unless more romance, orgasms, and sharing a bed at night is suddenly a bad thing. Caroline said he couldn't think that was a bad thing, but he was worried about me.

What bullshit. I'm not some little girl. I'm almost an adult and I've been through more than most people, so I don't see why he can't just do this for me.

But luckily, it is finally the weekend, and we have the house to ourselves, seeing as Caroline dragged Stefan to Prague for some convention...or was it Paris?

Who knows.

All that matters is that the house is empty, all besides me and my still sleeping-almost-vampire boyfriend.

And the lacy, blue, nightgown is still hiding in my drawer.

I'm just hoping Damon won't be able to ignore me this time.

-Elena

I closed my diary and jumped out of bed before hurrying into my bathroom. As I stood in front of the mirror, my heart sped up realizing what I was about to do. I tried to calm myself down by washing my face and pulling up my hair, before focusing on my appearance.

I knew for a fact that Damon hated girls with caked on makeup, but I had a feeling that a little eyeshadow and mascara would be just fine by him. I'd gotten good at color scheming my eyeshadow, thanks to Caroline, and the soft gold and black lining made my brown eyes pop.

Seeing that my eyes were one of Damon's favorite attributes, I counted this as a good thing.

Wasn't this what the girls usually did in the movies, to seduce their lover?

I finished with the mascara, and added a little bronzer to my cheeks. I looked at the box of lipsticks that Care let me borrow, but decided against it – if this worked, it wouldn't stay on anyway.

Next, I focused on my hair, brushing it out and then curling it to perfection. I flipped it before I added the hairspray, just to give it a wild look, and I wasn't disappointed.

Time to put on the sexy clothes.

I kicked off my night pants and tank top, before turning to stare at my reflection. I was pleased with the outcome. I'd never had a problem with my body, so it was more concern over whether Damon would find it pleasing.

I didn't like having to think along those lines – being as athletic with cheerleading, and running with my parents I'd always known that most boys liked my body. But, it was sometimes hard not to let doubts creep in when Damon was pushing me away and it was making me insecure.

Hopefully that would change today.

I sighed, walking back to the bedroom, and pulling open my top drawer. Hidden under a layer of socks was the lingerie.

I pulled it out, swallowing as the blue material unfolded. It was a babydoll nightie with a deep blue push-up brassiere, and a thin, transparent blue sheer that draped open in a triangle above my accompanying panties were a skimpy, blue lace thong leaving little to the imagination.

I changed into it quickly, wanting to get downstairs before Damon, but took a second to check my reflection in the closet door's full length mirror.

Damn.

I looked like I should be heading to a playboy photo shoot, not to the kitchen to make breakfast. But that's where I was going – the photo shoot could go on the list of things to do with him later.

I fluffed my hair once more before leaving the room thinking out my plan as I descended the stairs.

Half an hour later, everything was perfectly set. I just needed Damon to remain sleeping until I was ready. I smiled at the fruit platter I'd prepared and placed it on the tray I'd pulled out along with a chocolate dip.

Nothing set a mood quite like aphrodisiacs. Or at least that seemed like a good plan.

I also grabbed an empty glass, and one of the smaller cutting knives, before picking up the tray and carefully walking to the stairs.

I made it up to Damon's room without incident, and used my foot to push open the cracked door. I was met with an empty room and the sound of a shower running, which was actually kind of perfect.

I set the tray down on the nightstand next to the bed and propped myself on the edge of the headboard hoping Damon would be done soon.

I didn't have to wait long.

As not even minutes later, the shower shut off and the bathroom door opened. I smirked as Damon's eyes landed on me...on all of me, and his mouth dropped a little.

"I made breakfast," I smiled, playing innocent.

He was only wearing a towel and I knew I'd be able to see proof of him wanting me soon. It wasn't like I'd never felt his hard-on when we were making out.

He gathered his composure quickly, "Please tell me I still have a kitchen."

"Don't worry," I assured him, "It's just a fruit plate."

Alright, so cooking isn't my forte, but I hadn't burnt down the kitchen. Not yet, anyways.

He nodded, kissing my head as he walked by, checking it out. I was a bit frustrated at how he seemed like this wasn't something special, but I knew I had to bide my time.

"Looks good."

"Yeah," I nodded, checking out his backside in his towel, "Sure does."

He ignored my obvious innuendo, and picked up a slice of the pineapple. My mouth went dry as he ate it, and some of the juice ran down his chin.

Moving nearly as fast as he did at vamp speed, I came to his side and placed my hands on his hips. I used my tongue to catch the juice, following it's trail down his neck.

Damon sighed, relaxing into me, and I couldn't help but grin a little. Maybe this would be it.

"Damon," I pulled away enough to look at him, "Will you please...just touch me."

His eyes hardened, "Elena-"

I kissed him before he could finish the protest I knew was coming as I pushed my body up against his.

My nails clawed at the back of his neck wanting him closer, but he soon pulled back. It was just enough to end the kiss.

"We can't," he whispered against my cheek.

I felt something in me snap, and I pushed myself away from him. Being rejected again was too much.

"Wow."

He gave me a stubborn look and said, "We don't need to have this fight again."

"I can't understand why there's even a fight in the first place, Damon! You keep telling me you don't think I'm ready for an adult relationship, and here I am, so have sex with me! It's not that complicated!" I shouted, feeling like stamping the floor.

I was getting so frustrated that I had dolled myself up, and stood here in beautiful lingerie and he rejected me once again.

"It is complicated," he shot back, "You just need to trust me."

"Then give me a real answer," I demanded, "Tell me why you don't want to have sex with me, and don't give me that underage bullcrap."

His gaze measured mine, "You forget what I am, Elena."

I rolled my eyes at him. Of course, his standard excuse for everything. He was a vampire and I was a fragile human and I shouldn't be around him and blah, blah, blah.

"What does you being a vampire have to do with anything?" I shot back, feeling my body becoming hot from anger.

This was so not the way I'd wanted this to go.

He sat on the bed, once again reaching for his bourbon, and filled the glass I'd brought with it.

"Everything."

I crossed my arms, letting him know he'd have to do better than that.

He took a swig of his drink, "You wouldn't like it with me, Elena...not how I do sex. You aren't ready for it."

I rolled my eyes again, "That's an excuse, not a reason."

"It's a damn good reason," he argued, "I could hurt you, Elena. Do you not realize that?"

Now, he was practically shouting.

"I realize that you're being ridiculous! How about that?" I shouted back.

I was sick and tired of his bullshit. He could be all high and mighty if he wanted, but we were solving this today.

He stood, gritting his teeth as he measured his next words, careful not to shout again, "This isn't a game, Elena."

It made me feel like a child that he was trying to control everything.

"And I'm not playing, Damon!" I shot back. "I have been practically throwing myself at you all week, if you even noticed. All you've done is make me feel guilty for wanting you, and I'm sick of it! The least you could do is give me a good answer as to why you would- God, would you stop drinking for a damn second?"

I grabbed the glass that he'd brought to his lips, and threw it across the room. It made a satisfying noise as it shattered against the wall – maybe it was unnecessary, but I was well past caring.

I turned back to Damon's stunned face, "So, when you decide that you have an answer for me, let me know."

I straightened, planning on storming off, but he was blocking my path to the door. So, I turned instead, to the bathroom, storming into it and purposefully slamming the door behind me.

It took me all of three seconds to realize that this was a bad idea.

Now I was stuck in here until Damon left, with nowhere to go.

"Way to make an exit, Gilbert," I muttered to myself, leaning against the sink.

Clearly I sucked at everything.

Stupid vampire.

I closed my eyes, sighing. This was not the plan at all.

Then suddenly, the door was thrown open, and I got a fleeting glimpse of Damon's face before my body was forced into the nearest wall, face-first. I gasped in shock, as Damon's hard length pressed against my ass.

I couldn't see him, but I could tell that the towel was gone.

His voice was a rough growl in my ear as his hand twisted in my hair.

"You should have listened to me," he hissed, "I tried to be nice; tried telling you no!"

He pulled my head back hard enough to make me wince. I knew it was going to be rough. I would just have to stick it out, so he didn't have to be so afraid of hurting me anymore. Plus it was weirdly enough making my panties feel damp.

"You could have waited," he reasoned, "Had things on better terms, terms you deserve...But now we're doing this my way."

These words brought an odd mixture of fear and excitement into my chest. I was turned then, finally facing him, and I had to keep my eyes from widening.

His face had changed, his blue eyes flooded with red and veins had broken out beneath them.

He let out a noise that resembled a lion's purr, and his fangs flashed.

While I had seen his vampire face many times before, it had never been in a situation like this and I should probably be terrified, but I wasn't – I was mesmerized.

Damon's hands came up quickly, grasping the front of the lingerie and ripped it straight down the middle. I barely had time to be embarrassed, as Damon's mouth was on mine within the second, hot and demanding.

His hands gripped my waist now, and he somehow towered over me with his body.

I let my hands fall to the familiar position on his chest, and he moved. Faster than a blink, he had my arms pinned above my head, his fingers leaving bruises on my wrists. I whimpered a little, but he only squeezed harder while pressing his body more fully against mine, trapping me between him and the wall.

I could feel his hardness pressing into the skin of my stomach, and turned my head to look down.

God, he was huge.

His mouth left my lips then, and kissed down my neck and across my collarbone, suckling.

Every nerve felt like it was on fire and the lingering steam from his shower didn't help.

I couldn't breath.

"Damon," I gasped, as I felt his now blunt teeth, "Wait, I..."

He pulled me off the wall, and turned my body in one move, snaking his arm around my waist.

He was pressed up against my backside now as we faced the fogged mirrors. He breathed against my skin, "Wipe it off."

I swallowed as he nipped at my neck and softly growled, "With what?"

I felt him smirk before he pulled the shredded remains of the lingerie from my shoulders.

"This."

He placed it in my hands and gave me enough slack to lean forward and reach the mirror. As the fog was wiped clean, I noticed his eyes on my body through the reflection and I shivered.

This wasn't an 'I love you' look, or even an appreciation of beauty.

He looked at me as if I was his favorite entree, and he planned on devouring me.

Once the mirror was clear, Damon used my hair to pull me back into his body. My chin lifted instinctively, and Damon smirked.

"Look at yourself," he commanded in a cold tone, "What do you see?"

His hand tightened in my hair, and I cried out. Nobody had ever commanded me around like this, but I liked it. I was scared to death and I couldn't breathe properly, but I knew I had to hold on.

"Straighten up, Elena," he stated, with a voice that left no room for disagreement.

I did as he said as his free hand left my waist trailing to the front of my body.

"You truly are perfection," he purred, as his fingers trailed down my ribs, then my breasts.

I gasped at the contact when he teased a nipple with his thumb.

"So responsive," he smiled, nuzzling my neck, "And you smell so mouthwatering."

I watched his reflection change as his face vamped out again. His fangs elongated past his lip, and I tensed.

His voice was thick with desire when practically purred, "Do you have any idea the strength it took to fight your advances? The will power I've had to exercise not to bite into your carotid artery every time I get close to your intoxicating scent? I've denied myself for so long."

I couldn't move. Even with no compulsion, he had me frozen. His lip peeled back, revealing his full fangs.

Then they were on my skin, sharp as needles as they punctured, causing blood to pool. I watched it all in the mirror and for some reason, seeing Damon's dark head leaning into my neck, the twinge of pain, and my flushed, naked body was just too much.

Feelings of immense pleasure tangled into my fears, leaving me overwhelmed.

Damon was making his point.

Perhaps I wasn't ready for this.

He released my neck as I mulled over that thought, his red eyes meeting mine as he licked the remainder of my blood from his lips.

Then his face was normal again, and he was picking me up. With vampire speed, he whirled me into the bedroom, placing me none too gently onto the mattress.

His eyes focused on my neck where I could still feel the warm blood pooling. I wasn't surprised when the veins under his eyes rippled back in place.

It was sexy, but terrifying.

"I get it," I forced out, "I get what you meant, now."

He smirked, "Backing down so easily?"

He leaned down, bringing his vampire face close to mine.

"I...I'm scared, Damon," I admitted honestly, "I'm scared, and I still want you more than ever, but I'm not sure what to do."

His face relaxed at my words, and I was looking into his blue eyes again. I waited for him to assure me that it would be okay, that he was here with me, and this would be perfect.

But he didn't.

He held my gaze, and smirked, "Good."

I swallowed, knowing that I was in over my head.

His hand pushed against my shoulder, forcing me back onto the bed. He stood tall in front of me, making me painfully aware of how bare we were. His hands moved down, until he slipped a finger under each side of the thong I had on, sliding it down, and removing the last piece of clothing I had on. The last barrier as it were.

I took a breath, trying to slow my racing heart.

This was what I wanted.

Damon would have my virginity, and I wouldn't have to feel bad about wanting him anymore.

We could finally be together, the way a couple is supposed to. Him being a vampire didn't change anything.

By the third intake, I was calmer, and looked up to find Damon watching me.

I nodded at him, "I'm ready."

He smiled, gentler now, "In due time...be patient."

He crawled onto the bed then, and I turned my body to make more room for him. He laid on his side, hovering over me while eyeing my neck again.

"Here, drink," he instructed, biting into his wrist, and placing it against my mouth.

I did as he asked feeling the wound close up almost instantly. The taste of his blood was nothing new, but I couldn't help but notice that he grew harder as I drank.

Slowly, I reached over and finally, took him into my hand.

Damon pulled his wrist away and groaned at my touch, laying flat. I took advantage of his momentary surrender, sitting up to better explore him. He felt like rock, sheathed in silk beneath my fingers as I moved them, and idly, I wondered what he tasted like.

"Don't even think about it," he chided, somehow reading my thoughts again.

"How did you even-"

"I can taste your mood," he explained, opening his eyes, "And you just got extremely hungry."

I knew he didn't mean literally, and I blushed, "Is that wrong?"

He shook his head, then flipped us around, so that I was under him.

"For future references, no. But for the current situation, yes."

I blinked at him, "Why?"

He kissed me, hard, "Because I'm dying to hear the sounds your mouth makes as I pleasure you, and that won't happen if you are preoccupied with endeavors of less importance."

I nodded, "Okay then."

He must have known that he had me at his mercy then, because his next kiss was what I'd been hoping for all along; soft, loving, and sweet.

He kissed me over and over, as his fingers trailed across my body, lowering with each swipe.

His mouth left mine, "I'm going to touch you now, Elena."

My voice caught, and I could only nod, filled with anticipation. Painfully slow, Damon's fingers trailed down the length of my folds, before finally parting them and sliding a finger into me. I exhaled against the strange presence, but when his thumb pressed against my clit, the strangeness turned to pleasure.

I moaned and Damon smiled, "You like that?"

"Yes."

He slipped another finger in, slowly pumping them as I felt my pleasure increase. I felt heat burrowing in my stomach as an orgasm built.

Damon changed the pressure of his fingers, and I was suddenly coming undone. I came hard, clenching around his fingers, as he pumped until finally my body relaxed.

"Oh my God," I sighed as Damon's laughter filled the room.

"That isn't even the good part," he said with a smirk on his lips and his eyes darkened even more.

I smiled over at him, "Then show me."

That was all the invitation he needed.

Before I could take a breath, he was between my legs, his tip positioned at my entrance.

He looked down at me apologetically, "I don't know any way to make this less painful."

I shrugged. I knew it was supposed to hurt the first time, but it would be okay. I was with Damon and I knew that he would keep me safe, no matter what.

"I'll be fine."

He flexed a little and I felt his tip slide in, slightly.

"You're pretty fucking tight Elena. I'm warning you now, I'm going to tear you up."

I swallowed, "I know...just do it."

He sighed, leaning forward to kiss my neck, then drove into me.

I would have screamed as my body stretched around him, but all of my breath left me the moment Damon fully entered me.

And he didn't stop.

He pulled out again, and slammed back in.

I had tears in my eyes, but by his third thrust the pain was subsiding. And then he pulled out all together, leaving me feeling strangely empty.

"What's wrong?" I asked, confused as he slid down.

I lifted slightly to watch him. Had I done something wrong? Didn't I feel right?

He didn't answer me, instead, he used his hands to further part my legs, and I caught sight of the blood trail, the remnants of my virginity.

Damon kissed my knee, then slid forward, until his tongue darted out, licking up the blood.

He traced it up my thighs and to my center, where he then settled his mouth. I felt his tongue dart in and out of me, then the long laps, as he cleaned away the blood.

Then he bit me, just above the juncture of my hips where his tongue could still reach my clit. He alternated between lapping with his tongue, and taking drags with his fangs.

It was the oddest feeling, of both pain and pleasure, and soon another orgasm was building.

His tongue twisted and flicked until I climaxed, and then he moved, his body realigning as he slid back into me.

The size of him was an enormous intrusion, but my body accepted it better this time around as he began thrusting, increasing my sensitivity as I rode out my last orgasm.

However, the tremors had barely stopped, when Damon reached down teasing my clit again as he drove into me, and soon, I was falling apart again.

Damon pulled out again turning me so that I was on my stomach, before thrusting back in.

The pain twinged against the new position, but the pleasure was stronger.

Damon's hands were on my hips, holding me steady as he increased his speed, our bodies slapping together with each thrust. I could swear that my ass was going to be bruised from the strength of his hips as they surged forward. I arched my back, trying to give him better access, and it seemed to work, as he moaned my name in strangled syllables on his lips.

He yanked my hair then, forcing me onto my knees, my back against his chest as he drove deeper.

"Damon!" I cried out, as I clenched around him once more, a final orgasm rushing through me.

And then Damon's teeth sunk into my shoulder. The bloodlust must have been enough to send him over the edge, because his whole body went rigid, and his movements stuttered. Then, I felt the warmth of his cum filling me, and his arms went slack.

The second he let me go, I collapsed, falling face first into the mattress. Damon rolled over, landing on his back, next to me. It was five whole minutes before either of us moved.

And it was Damon, stretching.

"You okay?" He asked, once he settled again.

I turned my head to look at him, and nodded, "But I feel really tired."

Concern flashed across his face, "I probably took too much blood. Here..."

He bit into his wrist again, but I shook my head, "No, it's okay. I want to feel this."

I wasn't lying. I felt exhausted and stretched in every way possible, but it was a nice feeling. I knew it came from Damon and that made me happy. I wanted to feel the pain from his bites, to remind me how much pleasure he had given me.

He smiled softly, "So, I presume you enjoyed yourself?"

I smirked, "I'll let you know when I catch my breath."

He grinned, wriggling across the blanket and pulled me into his arms, "Get some rest now."

I yawned, "I'm starting to think that you like telling people what to do."

My eyes closed, but I could hear the smile in his voice, "Just sleep, Elena."

It definitely hadn't been what I had planned on, but I wouldn't want it any other way. It had been Damon and I, and I knew that our relationship was going to change from now on.

Just as I drifted off to sleep, I thought I heard him mutter the word love, but I knew I must have been wrong. We hadn't said those words yet. I knew they were in our future, but not right now.

My sleep was filled with Damon.

*Nervous chuckle* I hope you guys like it. I've been very nervous about this chapter, but I want to hear your honest opinions and I'm hoping I'll hear from you guys.

I'll see you next time!