Phoebe was sleeping in her bed and did not know that Julian and her sister were going to know a bit about her past by reading Victoria's letter. They looked at the big letter, "I am so scared Julian. I don't really know whether I want to know what I am about to know."
Julian took his arm around her and pulled her head on his chest, "Whatever it is honey, I think it's better to know the truth and we still have us."
Brooke nodded and looked up into her husband's big eyes, "You do know that I love you." Julian smiled down at her.
"You tell me that a lot lately. So I cannot forget that."
Brooke laughed at him "Fine, then I won't tell it any more.", she joked.
"Oh, don't you dare.", he pushed her down on the couch and tickled her hard.
"Ju...li...an. Stop.", she tried to get free but there was no chance.
"You look so hot under me.", Julian whispered into her ear and Brooke could not help but burst out into laughing and held his head with her hands.
"We are just about to read a horrible letter from my mom and you're thinking about sex, really?" Julian blushed a bit.
"Well, I think that would enlighten you a bit before we open this.", he took the letter from, laid it on the desk and started to kiss her neck softly.
"Julian. It's not fair. You know I cannot resist when you...", he kissed her neck again and went under her shirt with his fingers.
"I know babe. That's why I am doing it."
"Oh god.", she felt very horny at the moment and when he took off her skirt she complained, "We are in the living room Julian. Phoebe might get...", but it was too late. She felt him doing the exact right thing to make her moan.
"What...argh...I am coom...ing." she almost screamed after a while. Julian took his hand over her mouth and took her into his arms and went into the bedroom. He definitely did not want Phoebe to come outside and see them like this. There he let go of her mouth and she screamed in pleasure. Exhausted she fell on his naked body and let her head rest on his chest.
"That was amazing.", she kissed him softly and suddenly started to cry. She did not want to cry but her emotions were running wild.
"What is it honey?", Julian went with his hands through her hair and held her tight.
"I...I don't know. It's just too much lately. And...and it's like I am the one adding all the drama in our life...you know...", she did not dare to look at her husband but continued talking "my sister coming into our life...my mother...the robbery. Nothing had to do with you. I feel so guilty."
Without warning Julian pushed Brooke down on the other side of the bed. Brooke was not prepared for his reaction and looked shocked at him. He was pacing up and down in the room, "If that is what you think you are really dumb.", never in his life had he called her that and he regretted it when he saw Brooke's hurt and shocked face, "Nothing has to do with me? Brooke that is not fair. Everything has to do with me! I married you because I love you. I married you because I wanted you to be my family. And you are my family. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Do you understand that? You are my family and everything that comes into your life comes into mine as well and I am happy. Do you even know how much I love that little girl sleeping in the room next to us?", Julian pointed at Phoebe's closed door.
"She may not be my blood but sure as hell do I feel like a father to her and I won't let you tell me that you feel guilty for bringing her into my life."
Brooke looked so shocked at his outburst and did not know what to say. She had not intended to hurt him with her words. Not at all.
"We went through so much. Through not being able to have kids, through the robbery, through our mothers. I may add that my mother does add drama in our life too and now you telling me that you feel guilty? I cannot believe that. Do you really think that much of me? That as soon as our life is not as perfect as it would be in a Disney movie I am going to run away?"
He got dressed again. He did not want to sound so mean or be so loud but he felt so hurt at the moment. Brooke dressed as well and went out of the room into the living room where he sat on the couch and she could see that his eyes were watery.
Slowly she approached him, "I...I am sorry Julian. I did not mean it that way. It's just that..." Julian stood up again.
"Not just Brooke. You are my wife. You are my life and I'll be there for you every minute whether you want it or not. And don't you dare to tell me once again that you feel sorry for adding Phoebe into my life. Apart of marrying you she's the best thing that happened to me."
Brooke was now crying. It was their first major fight after years and she had never seen Julian so hurt.
"You twist my words around Julian. I did not accuse you of running away. God, all I wanted to say is..."
Julian interrupted her again. "What? That you feel sorry that you have a horrible mother? That you feel sorry that you have the most amazing little sister? That you feel sorry that a fucking asshole robbed you and kicked the shit out of my wife? That you wished all of that had not happened? Stop feeling sorry for everything and start realizing that what hurts you hurts me too."
"Could you let me finish one sentence at least.", Brooke screamed back furiously. He really twisted her words around and made them sound so mean.
"No, not if you talk nonsense."
"Really mature Julian. Really mature.", Brooke screamed at him.
"You're the one talking immature stuff, not me."
"Why are you screaming at each others?", Phoebe was shocked and looked from Brooke to Julian. She had never heard or seen the two of them fighting. She had been standing there for a while but no one had realized her appearance. She looked very tired and confused up at them.
Brooke did not know what to answer. Suddenly her words she had said sounded so mean. She definitely did not have the intention to say that Phoebe was a burden.
"Your stubborn sister feels guilty for adding a bit drama in my life.", he slumped down at the couch.
"I did not say it like that.", Brooke defended herself but stopped screaming when she realized Phoebe's face. Suddenly Phoebe burst out into laughing. Julian, who sat on the couch with his arms crossed and Brooke who stood in front of him with her arms crossed as well, looked confused at her.
"I am sorry. But you two are even cuter when you fight. And if you feel guilty for adding drama in his life how should I feel Brooke? I am the drama.", Phoebe could still not stop laughing and left the two confused.
"You are not!", Julian said back and got even angrier.
"Well, if my sister feels guilty for adding drama in your life and I am the new thing in your life then I sure am the drama.", Phoebe said and crossed her arms.
"I did not say that I feel guilty for adding you in our life Phoebe.", Brooke said back and rolled her eyes.
"And you are not a thing Phoebe. And we did not just add you like a pet. God. I am getting really tired of this fight. It's nonsense.", He looked mad at Phoebe.
"I did not start it.", Phoebe defended herself, "I just came out and thought you two were about to attack each others."
"We weren't", Brooke said back.
"Well, it's not like I haven't seen fights ending with blood.", Phoebe answered laughing unsure and Brooke and Julian looked shocked at her again. Then she turned to her sister, "I am sorry that you feel like I am a burden to Julian and maybe to you too."
Brooke's eyes widened in shock. She wanted to prevent this from happening.
"You are not a burden Phoebe!", she said to her sister.
"Yeah. I know. You wished for the whole drama coming with me. I get it.", Phoebe laughed ironically and wanted to go back to her room. Of course this fight frightened her but she did not show it at all.
"Phoebe Ferguson. Don't you dare getting back into your room.", Julian screamed angrily at her and Phoebe flinched in surprise.
"Why is it that I am getting screamed at when you two started the fight?", Julian took her hand and pulled her to the couch where she sat down.
"Brooke sit down as well." Brooke looked madly at him.
"Okay. You two are two stubborn creatures and it's one thing I love about the both of you. But it's enough right now. I don't want you to tell me any time again that you feel guilty about adding drama in my life. Your life is my life and everything that concerns you concerns me too.", he looked down at his wife who looked furiously and sad at him.
Phoebe looked confused at Brooke and could not really understand the situation.
"And now to you. If you ever tell me again that you are a burden to us, I promise you I'll handcuff you to me and show you that you are definitely not a burden."
Phoebe burst out into laughing, "I would so go onto your nerves then.", she laughed but Julian's face made her stop laughing.
"This is not a joke. Yes, you would go on my nerves and I would probably drive you crazy too. Even Brooke would go on my nerves and vice versa but you belong to this family and no matter what you do, no matter what your past was like, no matter how often you try to run away or curse or whatever, I will never loose my fatherly feelings for you.
This family means the world to me and you two are my favorite girls. So please start thinking the next time you telling me that you feel guilty", he pointed at Brooke "or you feeling like a burden.", he pointed at Phoebe.
"Because...sooner or later it will make me think that I am not good enough for either one of you and that breaks my heart.", Julian went into the bedroom furiously and sad.
He took his jacket and went outside. He felt so hurt at the moment and closed the door loudly behind him.
"You are really an idiot.", Phoebe screamed at Brooke who sat shocked on the couch. She did not even know that her Julian could have such an outburst, "Thanks for making him leave us.", Phoebe sobbed, "and now he'll never come back."
Brooke took Phoebe's hands "He'll come back. You don't have to be afraid."
Phoebe started crying this time "How can you be so sure?"
"Because we love him and he loves us."
xxxxxxx
Ten minutes later Julian opened the door and felt very guilty. Brooke ran to him and hugged him tight, "I am sorry Julian. I did not mean it to sound so harsh. I...", Julian kissed her nose.
"I know. I am sorry that I overreacted a bit.", he apologized and then looked into the living room with no Phoebe. "She is in her room."
Julian knocked softly on the door but she did not answer. When he opened the door he was shocked. Phoebe was not in her room but her window was wide open.
"Shit.", he cursed and Brooke ran towards him, "She's not here." Brooke's heart made a big jump. Within a second both of them went outside and looked for Phoebe. Again. It was starting to be a habit.
xxxxxxx
Phoebe looked everywhere but did not find Julian, "Juliaaaaan.", she screamed and wished she had more clothes on because it was cold and raining. She cried so hard that she had to wipe her tears away to see anything. She did not even realize when she stood in front of the door and Nathan looked down at her.
"Phoebe?", he was very surprised and pulled her into the house. She was shivering and crying.
"Is he here?", she run around the house and looked everywhere.
"Why is Phoebe here?", Haley asked Nathan confused.
"I don't know. She seems to be looking for someone.", Haley ran after Phoebe and took hold of her hands.
"Honey. What is wrong?", Phoebe wanted to get free but Haley was stronger.
"He ran away. He just ran away. And now he is leaving her because of me. I did not mean that. Really you have to believe me. I did not want that to happen." Haley could not understand a word.
"Who ran away Phoebe?", she asked but got the answer when she heard Brooke and Julian asking panicked for Phoebe. Phoebe cried even more when she saw Julian and Brooke holding hands. She hesitated a moment but he went down on his knees and she could see his tears in his eyes.
"Phoebe I am sorry.", she ran into his arms and hugged him tight.
"I am sorry. I am sorry. Please don't leave Brooke. It's all my fault. Please don't.", Brooke was standing besides them and sobbed as well. She had not realized that Phoebe was feeling that unsure about them. Did she really think that they would leave her?
"C'mon Phoebe. Calm down.", Julian caressed her back while Phoebe coughed and sobbed, "I would never in all my life leave you two. It was not right to go just like that and I am sorry that I did. I love you kiddo.", he took her head in his hands and kissed her forehead "You know that, right?"
He could see that Phoebe hesitated a moment but then nodded. Phoebe then hit him softly, "Then don't run away again just like this. You scared the shit out of me.", Phoebe let her head rest on his chest. She was glad to be in his arms and felt safe again.
"Same goes for you kiddo." He looked to Nathan and Haley who were overwhelmed by the situation as well and said "thank you."
He took Brooke's hand and let Phoebe stay in his arms and they walked home in the rain. Phoebe could not stop coughing all the time. Julian went into her room with her and while she was sitting on his lap he started talking again.
"Phoebe. I think it's time that we have a little talk.", Phoebe did not look up but listened.
"You are very important to me and I really cannot imagine life without you any more. It's not a lie what I said before. I love the both of you and you are my family. It was a mistake to leave you two like that before but I really felt hurt that you think you are a burden and Brooke feels guilty.", Julian meant everything he said and held the little one tight while she listened carefully.
"I would do anything to make you two happy. I know that you've been hurt badly in the past and I just want to tell you that you can open up to me any time you want. I won't push you but if you need me I'll be there."
Phoebe sobbed again. "Don't cry kiddo.", he smiled softly at her.
"It's just...It's just...I don't want to make...your life hard...and I cannot promise to be...be...nice all the time because...I cannot control...it...my outbursts." Julian nodded.
"I did not ask you to be nice. I love you whether you are nice or screaming at me. You're my kiddo." Phoebe smiled a bit and then nodded again.
"Julian.", she whispered but he still heard her.
"Yeah."
"Do you think Brooke wished I was not born?" Julian took her chin immediately, so that she had to look into her eyes. He could see the confusion in her eyes and the sadness and realized again that she was only eleven years old. Sometimes they forgot that.
"No, definitely not. She loves you way too much. She just feels a bit helpless at times because she could not protect you from all the pain you already went through and that's why she feels guilty at times."
"But she did not know me when I was younger.", Phoebe said back and could not really understand his answer.
"Well yeah. But sometimes your heart tells you other things than your mind. It's hard to understand. I know. Brooke loves you with all her heart and only talking about you makes her smile and me too. Can I tell you a secret?"
Phoebe's eyes widened in surprise. She loved secrets and nodded.
"Your sister was very unhappy before you came and it made me cry a lot because I've seen her so miserable and did not know what to do. She pretended to be happy but deep down I knew she was not and she tried to shut me out."
"Why was she unhappy?"
"We wanted to start a little family but the doctors told her that she would never be able to have kids in her life. And she felt guilty that she could never give me a kid. That's what she said and it was a very tough task for our marriage because she kept shutting me out of her mind and I did not know what to do."
Phoebe could tell that Julian was having many emotions talking about it and kept on listening.
"Finally Brooke realized that I would not leave her. Ever. With a baby or without but I knew deep down that she was still suffering."
"Why didn't you just adopt?", Phoebe asked.
"We wanted to, but it's a long process and once we had a little girl called Angie for a while, it broke Brooke's and my heart when she left."
"Why did she leave?"
"We knew it from the beginning. She just needed an operation in the USA to go back to her country and family after that. And then we tried to adopt an amazing girl again. She was a teenager and living with us for some time. But she decided to live with her biological mother again and this really was a tough decision for the both of us. I've never seen my wife so happy with her and I have to tell you one thing now. You may have a difficult past or outbursts or trouble at school or whatever but you make my wife smile like she never smiled before. And you do the same to me. We are way too selfish to ever let you go."
Phoebe looked up at him and for the first time she did not know what to say. He smiled down at her and held her tight again.
"Can I tell you a secret too?", Phoebe asked softly.
"Of course."
"Sometimes I am mad at you and Brooke." Julian nodded "because she is my sister." Julian looked confused at her.
"Sometimes I wish she was my mom and you my dad but then I realize that my daddy is dead and my mom kind of hates me and it makes me really, really sad and furious in the mean time."
Julian nodded again. He was so glad that Phoebe opened up a bit and it was the best present he ever got to have Phoebe telling him to want him as her dad.
"I know I am not your real dad and Brooke is your sister but that does not mean that I don't have fatherly feelings for you. I sure have." Phoebe hugged him tight.
"I was so scared when you left.", she cried again and he went through her hair
"I know. Sorry for that again."
"I have to tell you another secret. I...I...love it here. I…sometimes am scared to spoil it all and that I will get even more attached to you and then finally you will realize that I am nothing more than...I don't know. Just not worth living with you. You know...sometimes I am afraid to wake up from this dream because my life has changed so much in the past months that I cannot believe it. At first it was always only my...my...dad and... And he said that he loved me...but...but he hit me a lot. And sometimes I still hear how I broke my leg or when he run after me with his belly and hit me hard. He...he said I was his princess but...but he also said that I...was a bitch and...deserved to be hurt."
Julian listened carefully to everything while Phoebe stood in front of him not being able to look into his eyes. It broke his heart to hear how Phoebe's life had been.
"and...after he died it was just me. And now you two are with me all the time and...and...it's so untrue.", Phoebe tried to tell him everything but there were things she could not tell him. Not now.
Julian caressed her cheek, "Believe me kiddo. It is true. You are stuck with us forever." The word forever made Phoebe smile and looking at him again and then at the door when both of them heard a soft knock. They had totally forgotten about the time.
"Yes.", Phoebe said and Brooke looked into the room. She had still a guilty face and her eyes were red from all the crying.
"I...um...I just...felt...a...bit alone and..", she could not end her sentence because Phoebe jumped into her arm and hugged her tight.
"I love you. You know that?", Phoebe looked with a wide smile at Brooke. It was the first time that Phoebe said it at first. Brooke nodded and then Phoebe turned towards Julian, "And I love you too."
Brooke sat down besides Julian with Phoebe on her lap and kissed Julian, "Please don't make out in front of me.", Phoebe rolled her eyes and made all of them laugh.
"I think it's time to sleep.", Julian went through her hair and stood up. But Phoebe still clung to her sister.
"I think I am going to sleep with Phoebe in here.", Phoebe smiled that Brooke had understood her little message.
"No way!", Julian suddenly said and laughed when Brooke and Phoebe looked shocked at him, "There is no way my favorite girls get to have a sleepover after such a fight and I am the one sleeping alone in the double bed." Phoebe looked confused at him.
"Oh Phoebe. Don't act stupid. You know exactly what I mean by that!" Phoebe's eyes widened and she jumped up in joy.
"I get my blanket.", she laughed loudly and after some minutes she went over to Brooke and Julian's bed. They were in the bed already and cuddled but Phoebe wanted to be in the middle and so they had to make her some space.
"What a day, huh?", Brooke pinched Phoebe's nose and looked happily at her husband.
"I think we just proved that we definitely are a crazy family.", Julian laughed and Brooke and Phoebe nodded.
Brooke snuggled closer to her sister and kissed her cheek. "Yeah, we surely are.", she whispered and closed her eyes. Julian took his arm around both of them, so that Phoebe was pinched in the middle. She loved it and fell asleep in a second.
xxxxxx
The next morning all of them lay still in the same position. Brooke was the first one to awake and looked happily at her husband and Phoebe in his arms.
It looked like he was protecting her and she was letting him do so. She took the camera immediately and made a photo, which woke them up.
"So, it's the last day of your holiday Phoebe. What do you want to do?", Brooke asked her sister. "I have already planned to spend the day with Jamie at the mall."
"At the mall?", Julian asked surprised.
"Yeah. I need new shoes.", she looked pleadingly at Brooke and Julian.
"And who is going to pay for that and did you even ask us whether you could go?", Brooke tickled Phoebe.
"Well, I just did. And you don't have to pay for anything because Victoria gave me...", she ran out of the room with a lot of money "two thousand dollars to buy me whatever I want.", Phoebe looked happily at the money but Julian took it away from her fast.
"Hey. That's mine.", she protested.
"Yes it is, but you are not allowed to spend it all at once and you will definitely not take so much money to the mall." Phoebe rolled her eyes.
"C'mon da...Julian. I really want to buy Jamie a good birthday present.", she whined and he could not resist.
"Here. You can have 100. Not more. You can still buy him a good present with this."
"But that's not enough. My present costs 1500 dollars.", Phoebe said back and stomped with her feet "and still it's my money. Victoria gave it to me."
"1500 dollars?", Brooke interrupted their cute argument, "what do you want to buy him?"
"He always talks about this new bike that he really wants to have. C'mon pleeeease.", Phoebe whined again.
"I am sorry Phoebe. 100, not a cent more. You can get the rest step by step."
"You are mean. You know that.", Julian nodded and smiled at Brooke while Phoebe closed the door loudly and ran into her room.
"You are so good with her.", Brooke kissed him and they laid back in bed and cuddled for a while. They heard Phoebe turning on the music extra loud in protest.
Brooke and Julian took their pillows over their head and laughed.