AN/ Last chapter for the LOVE series. Last time I updated this fic was Nov 20, 2017. Lol I really outdid myself with how lazy I am. I hope you enjoy this last chapter. Warning: Grammar mistakes, typos, spelling mistakes, tense confusions, my apologies. I hope you anyways enjoy this last chapter.
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Enjoy.
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Lovelessness
Third Person's POV
When he used to live with Lena and Hiroyo, he knew that at the time of his arrival, Lena was more likely to make Hiroyo cook something for dinner and after both were done, the living room would be isolated as well as the kitchen. Sometimes he was lucky enough to find food, sometimes he wasn't. And when he wasn't, he'd slip back his black boots and go to the nearest convenient store. Nothing was likely to stop him, not the late hour, nor would a rainstorm do. Today it reminded him of those days where he had to do something not to starve.
He lived by his own now and if he came back too late he knew his will to cook was more likely to be reduced to grime. Another thing that now mentally berated him was his lack of attention to buy the correct groceries to be prepared. Hence now he knew his kitchen was packed with frozen meats that were only useful when he had time to actually cook. Today was not one of those days; he had no time and no will, he needed something of quick preparation and since he didn't have it, he knew he had to stroll down the city in search for something.
Damn like the good ol' days….
It was close to 3:00am, finals were on his neck and he had to study if he wanted to keep his grades on the highest end in which gradients developed. With all honesty, he just wanted to sleep and forget he was hungry, but he knew he just couldn't let that happen, if he did, then he would wake up with a well-earned headache and he happened to need his brain in working condition to achieve the grades he wanted. He yawned, which restaurant could sell him some warm food at that hour? Only dinning motels downtown.
Too far- Pass.
Convenient stores? Closed. Jeez.
He was in Japan, he reminded himself that there were always cheaper and easier ways to get food if you lived in Japan and so it occurred to him that the glorious alternative of going to a vending machine always existed.
A vending machine was always next to everything, he didn't even have to walk much to find one, it wasn't exactly warm food but he could pretty much microwave it back home. Unlike frozen food and pre-cooked packages, this was an all-too-ready food for the go and you could either microwave it or eat it like that- though the second wasn't going to happen. Yuck.
He walked in close to see what his stomach could have whim for. Noodles, soups, fish, pork, salads, rice, eggrolls, whatever that was packaged for easy consumption was a go for him.
He sighed, and placed a hand on the white metals that supported the gigantic vending machine, his eyes scanned for the neatly packaged options behind the glass. "What do I fucking want." He mumbled to himself and decided to press for '11' –Fried Pork with veggies and rice- Last time he bought he recalled it being tasty. As the coins slipped in, Jazz realized almost distantly how freely he could meander at night, without having threats that made him trot through streets as if someone followed him- because someone was actually stalking him.
But not anymore.
Jazz realized it was all thanks to Aksel, all because somehow Aksel thought that nobody should hurt him from now on.
And that thought made him infinitely happy.
.
"Jaaz, what are a lovely nightly surprise."
"Drop it, can we see each other?"
Aksel seemed to smile behind the phone, "Of course! Do I go for you?"
"Nah," Jazz mumbled as he walked with his packaged food in a white plastic bag, "I'm near your house actually… I'm about 5 minutes away."
"I see," ruffling sounds were heard on Aksel's side and Jazz realized Aksel was probably climbing out of the bed. "I'll be waiting for you then."
"Uhm," Jazz' cheeks tainted, he cursed at himself for not having checked the ungodly hour he decided to wake his friend up, -3:08am "I'm sorry for waking you up. The hour must tell you I'm fucking nuts."
"Ah, it's nothing," Aksel shrugged, "you know I can't sleep anyways."
Jazz chuckled, "I thought you were cured?"
"For a couple of days," Aksel protested, "I think this apnea is more likely chronic. Nevermind it, I think I can't sleep because of the world's constant cries of help."
"What."
"The perks of being a God."
"That's stupid," Jazz clicked his tongue, "I think you are just excusing your horrible habits, first of all, stop eating the gross amount of sugar you consume right before bed- You know- that might actually keep you from sleeping." Though rational, Aksel snickered incredulously in response.
"Sugar?" Jazz could hear a door closing on Aksel's side "You offend me, I can clog in five pounds of chocolate without repercussions, it can be ten if you will."
Jazz rolled up his eyes as he continued his silent stroll, he heard his best friend speak again, "Besides, I've been enduring a whole existence with this lack of sleep Jaaz, I'm more than accommodated with this so-called privilege. The universe's prays and mantras are the ones keeping me awake," Aksel suddenly sounded eerily dark and sinister "-perhaps I'm a little bit vexed because I'm a merciless god that doesn't give two shits about their misery-" Then his tone cheered up again, for Jazz, it was nothing too strange when it came to Aksel, "But asides from that I'm perfectly fine with my flawed humanity at my feet. I just love them."
"If you hear voices Aksel I'm pretty sure you might suffer from schizophrenia."
"Jaaz~"
"Go to the doctor."
The ruffling kept underneath Jazz' feet as he walked over some dry folio, outside their phone-call, Jazz heard how incredibly polite did Aksel sound when he spoke to his employees. He smiled, however and whatever Aksel said and how he self-defined, for Jazz, he would never be as vile, "Are you anywhere near Jaaz?"
"Uhm," Jazz stopped walking after a long sigh, "Actually I'm here and these big-ass doors are getting opened for me, hell, I feel like a fucking prince."
Jazz heard an impish leer from the other side, "If I make you mine then you might as well become my prince." Jazz blushed and hung up.
The shamelessness, how -daring. Jazz thought, Aksel had no idea how his jokes sometimes affected him, this was not the first time a simple mock produced such a horrendous outcome on him; the ardent fever that burned his cheeks was too embarrassing to deal with and much worse, how could he ignore the ugly butterflies that flapped their wings all around his stomach. Jazz wondered if they were actually wasps. He really wanted to vomit.
.
After the first time Aksel wrapped his arms around him, he realized he shouldn't have lived his entire life without ever wanting to get anyone even slightly close to him. Hugs were good and he just comprehended it, but more assertively, Aksel's hugs were good. Knowing himself, Jazz really doubted he would feel that way with any random stranger that would want to enclose him in their arms.
Fucking yuck.
If they weren't Aksel, then they were banned from getting close, at least 6ft away from him.
Thankfully, the first time they hugged, Aksel was the one who asked him to get closer, otherwise Jazz would have died within himself trying. Aksel was wounded that one time, he had bandages all over his body and Jazz remembered how his heart was clogged in his trachea when he first saw him. It was right after Aksel's infamous kidnapping, right after knowing that he was hurt but alive.
Since he wasn't used to showing affection or relief through hugs, when he realized that Aksel was fine, he realized he just didn't know what he wanted from him, but he felt certain that he wanted to do something to show he was happy, but more accurately, to express that he was happy that Aksel was alive.
And when he went in close, he did what he knew he could flawlessly do; grunt, vent and yell, 'you worried me a fucking lot you piece of shithead' those were the words that managed to fall from his mouthandnow that he thought about it, thankfully, at that time, Aksel just nodded and said the words that changed his perspective over their relationship forever.
Jazz realized, someone could be the first in something in his life, and it could be painless.
It could be pure.
"Come near, give me a hug."
He mechanically nodded and without knowing that it was what he actually wanted but couldn't decipher, he moved in closer and finally embraced him. That 'thing' that he wanted to do to express relief and affection, was nothing more than a hug.
A hug that was received with the same amount of affection and the wake-up call downed on Jazz, 'feelings could emerge and be reciprocated'- That was the first time he ever thought of Aksel in a different way. The first time he actually accepted he probably wanted something more of him and that it was something else than the sexual attraction he admittedly bestowed for him.
Even if it only lasted a couple of seconds and the echelon of egos landed him where he began, Jazz realized that at least he gained something from underneath a dusty rug that was named the 'antagonistic circus of denial'; he could hug and be hugged. Now that he was being held in Aksel's arms he thought how it hasn't stopped from happening and how much they have improved from the first awkward but affectionate hug they shared.
"Let go of me," Jazz grumbled as his frame was ruthlessly squeezed between two strong arms that held him paralyzed close to an equally strong and built body, "Aksel f-fuck!"
Having heard Jazz' arrival just after he hung up on him, Aksel ran down the stairs and welcomed his fragile friend with a bone-crushing embrace. Even after hearing Jazz' protests, Aksel still managed to drag him all the way up to his bedroom. Only then did his arms loosened enough to allow the other one to breathe.
"Aksel for fuck's sake ugh-"
Aksel finally complied and his arms slackened to let him go. Jazz coughed and then chuckled "Damn bigot, try hard but you won't make me sound like Issei."
Aksel snorted in amusement, "Aw, I was hoping."
"Impossible," Jazz coughed again and straightened his posture "I moan like a sexy-ass whore. That motherfucking ape might try hard though, but he will forever sound and exist like a shitskin baboon in heat."
Aksel poked carefully at the other's ribs, "Jaaz, that's derogatory racist."
"Yeah," Jazz agreed with a smirk, "whatever, it's not like I'm wrong." In all fairness, Jazz realized he did not mind to be politically correct all the time, especially with Aksel, not in the least. Not even after acknowledging Aksel's personal advocacies against skin-tone racial slurs and though both shared their antagonistic desire to poke fun at Issei, Aksel alleged there were better and more suitable forms to make him feel less.
Getting distracted easily, Aksel's eyes suddenly adverted to the white bag that Jazz brought alongside him, "What's that Jaaz." He pointed childishly at it.
"Ah," Jazz raised the bag for his own inspection, he suddenly remembered, "When you buy food from a vending machine, after it gives you the packaged food, it also gives you a white bag for when you finish, you put it inside and then throw it in a trashcan," He smiled, "All clean and steady."
"Means that what you have there is packaged food."
"Yeah, packaged food."
…
…
…
Aksel grabbed it and with a swift snatch, he was able to retrieve it from Jazz' hands, the other suddenly reacted and keenly tried to recover it, "What the fuck Aksel!" he growled as he jumped on his tip toes to try to take it back, "Give it back I'm hungry as fuck!"
"Not to copy-cat my cousin but…" He said carelessly as he threw the bag out of the tall window, Jazz stopped immediately and stared at the window dumbstruck, "You are not eating that garbage in my house Jaaz."
"It coasted me ¥200 (Approximately $1.83) Aksel what in the fucking fuck."
"Jaaz, that's the cheapest food- oh no, did they sell you garbage?"
Jazz snarled angrily, "No dumbass, it's actually fair for a college student, once again, why did you do that!" He ran to the window, from the privileged tall distance from the window in Aksel's principal room, Jazz could barely see the white bag with some food scattered around it. Barely, barely devisable, but he could assert the food was ruined, he sighed despondently, "Nice, now I'm not eating for shit."
"How silly," Aksel cheered behind him, his arms suddenly hugged Jazz' fine waist in a confiscating embrace where, though much taller, Aksel had the chance to put his chin on Jazz' shoulder from behind, he was leaning in, but he was comfortable enough to brush his lips against Jazz' ear, "You are going to eat whatever you want here."
He wondered if behind Aksel's words existed a rouge innuendo. Jazz' cheeks were already playing him again. He didn't even try to push the other away and just closed his eyes, , "Fine, but I'm eating exactly what I previously bought, fried pork with veggies and rice, no more and no less… Also apple juice."
"Okay," Aksel hummed, "at least it will be freshly cooked."
Jazz frowned but his pout couldn't hide the carefreeness, "….Thanks idiot."
"My pleasure…" Aksel's arms tightened slightly on his waist, instantaneous goosebumps ran underneath Jazz' flesh as Aksel whispered closely on his ear, almost like an intimate request, one that was dearly expressed, only for him to hear "can I hold you like this for a little longer?"
It felt warm and Jazz realized he could have been there forever "Yeah..."
Yes, Aksel's hugs became an addiction of his, but at least he was now sure he wasn't the only one truly fixated with the feeling.
.
Aksel grinned and Jazz realized that the 'shithead' didn't actually understand how fast his heart was beating, all because he was smiling as he spoke. And even under the moonlight, he looked compellingly handsome. Jazz looked outside the car's window, after insistently suggesting he could give him a ride back, Jazz finally agreed and thanked his friend for all the help.
"It's nothing Jaaz~"
The faded sound of rain drizzle was relaxing enough to have his eyes closing against his will, it was the finest hours of the early morning, close to 5 O'clock but the sun was still nowhere to be seen. They were both backseat passengers in Aksel's car, Jazz noted sleepily that there was no traffic and that it was the third time that Aksel's fingers slipped through his.
"Jaaz."
"What." He responded calmly, his eyes diverted to their intertwined fingers and he recognized a swift caress to his thumb.
"You have the most beautiful hands that I have ever seen."
Jazz' tongue suddenly tied in itself "No lie."
"Definitely," Aksel smiled again and elevated their hands up for both to see, "They are just so pretty." To Jazz they didn't seem nothing too special, but the way his fingers contrasted Aksel's much stronger ones stirred something within him. Shamelessly he corresponded the grasp and slowly their hands rested down between their bodies for a flawless hold.
"Shut up."
The motorist slowly stopped in front of Jazz' apartment complex, the man politely and very serviceably informed Aksel "We are here sir," Aksel nodded and turned to Jazz, who in response apprehended that he would like to say farewell with something close to a kiss, very warm and soft, just as how their holding hands felt. Of course- every so silently. Jazz wondered if that would ever come close to a reality, how dared this man, make him feel of all people, like he was not good enough.
But why? Why did he allow such thoughts emerge for someone that wasn't anything else than a good friend. He didn't want to wonder why. Not at all. At least not right now.
"I'll see you later."
A kiss wouldn't happen and now his myriad pride told him that he never even wanted one. Jazz opened the car's door and leapt outside, he turned to wave at his friend, "Alright, see you later Jaaz"
Jazz nodded and walked towards the towering gates of the building, just then did he hear the engines starting off, he surely questioned to himself why was Aksel so overprotective of him. He could only hopelessly wish it was the same reason as of why he started to think he didn't know himself at all.
If he was certain to himself, he didn't know what else to do than to drown in what he thought was implausible. A little help would be welcome, Jazz huffed as he made himself to his apartment, he just needed to find someone who could say a truth or two. But tomorrow. He yawned tiredly, it would have to wait for tomorrow.
.
Jazz sighed, they were upstairs in Kai's room, Jazz noticed how it smelled of oil and sugar, an odd combination but not as unpleasant as he would have thought. Kai was pretty much occupied with every other day's college assignment and the tasks at hand pretty much explained the remnant scent of oil in the air. Everything had to do with mechanics and circuit technicalities and eyeing the half-finished pie across the table also contributed to understand the origin of such an odd musk.
He was supposed to be helping Kai, as foretold over the phone, but Jazz had more selfish plans in mind. All because it was suffocating to admit that for certain matters, even him, Nakura Jazz failed to come up with a viable solution.
"You can help with these," Kai passed two trifled boxes to him, his magnifying glass was across them and was soon taken hold of as he noticed his friend's odd behavior, "Or don't," he hummed, "What's wrong?"
Aware of the obvious distress he showcased to Kai, Jazz tried to conceal the turmoil he expected no to jeopardize by externalizing it "I'm sorry it's just…" he grabbed the hem of one of the mechanical packets Kai previously offered, "some shit is going on…" he admitted, "I may not know how to deal with it."
"Really?" Kai smiled boyishly, still trying to find a solution for his assignment "That certainly sounds odd coming from you."
"I guess," Jazz chuckled reluctantly, "It sucks."
"It sure does, what is it that it has you so out of character?"
"Don't fuck around," he hesitated, "It's just that I feel powerless and I hate to feel like that man. You know me… sort of."
"I would say so," Kai dipped his head to inspect his project better, "Is it that bad?"
"Too bad actually."
"Oi," Kai turned his face at him, "It'll be fine… Whatever that's bothering you." Jazz could only respond with a silent outbreath, Kai was certainly awkward with these matters and so was Jazz sharing them. But they could manage, Jazz alleged.
After a minute of silence and the only sound being of cables and towlines being cut, Kai finally decided to ask "Will you tell me what even happened?"
"I…" Jazz hesitated, "It's nothing… it's actually very silly."
"It's about Aksel." Not that is was an incorrect guess. How painfully predictable he seemed to his friend was what bothered Jazz in the first place. He adverted his gaze in between his occupied hands. He thought Kai was unaware about anything besides food.
"I'm afraid so…"
"What is it," He said as he kept trying to connect some hawsers underneath a paneled circuit, "I thought you two were good friends."
"Yes we are, I mean…" Jazz shook his head, "We haven't fought… it's not that."
"Hmm," Kai's efforts to fix the box deterred useless, but he was patient, his attention was partially still on Jazz "I wouldn't be surprised though… you two quarrel like you are married."
"Nah that's some hell of a reach." The implication of marriage made Jazz childishly wince. He was doubting if it would be a smart move to tell Kai about it. Is wasn't like Kai's instincts constantly failed, it was that he could be too assertive for Jazz' likeness, especially since Jazz was almost certain that Kai's response- if positive- would consist mostly in how platonic and miserably one-sided his feeling would remain.
"Yeah you do," Kai nodded as he averred, "But then again, if you say you haven't fought then what is wrong with Aksel?"
"Not that it's wrong… I just don't know."
Kai just nodded and kept his eyes fixated on a small yellow cable he didn't even see before, he pondered if it was part of his assignment to comment on the discovery. Especially in his career, circuits could be tricky and finding where the trick was could very well earn him some points for his finals.
"But… yeah I figured that maybe I need to speak about it?"
Kai accommodated a bronze resistor using a couple of pliers before turning to look at his friend, "Look at my ears, aren't I Mickey Mouse?"
"Not in a million years, Mickey is cute as fuck."
Kai snickered, "I thought you would say my ears weren't as big."
"Kai, if they weren't big they would be disproportionate to your size."
"Hashtag fat."
Jazz rolled up his eyes but smiled nonetheless, "Can I tell you or…"
Kai nodded, his hands were still busy but he gave Jazz the impression that he was listening, and even if he didn't and his attention was solely absorbed by his assignment, Jazz didn't mind to be half-heard, at least he could pretend it didn't hurt as he spoke.
"I like Aksel."
…
…
…
"I like him too."
"No dumbass, I mean…" he sighed, "I really like him…"
Kai stopped dumbfounded, "I really like him too Jazz where are you going with all this?"
"Bitchass I mean," Jazz frowned, "I mean that I would like him to fuck me."
…
…
…
"Ooh," Kai shrilled slowly but merrily as he understood, "I see." He pointed, "That kind of liking."
"Yeah," Jazz said simply and after a minute, he realized with much surprise that Kai didn't seem bewildered, nor disgusted or even less filled with indignation; Jazz searched for any trace of aversion on his facial expressions only to receive the same foreseeable lightheartedness that defined Kai so easily.
"And…that's" Jazz added awkwardly, "…that I guess…"
Kai dished his head in concentration, "Maybe you are confused? Probably you've never had a friend like him before."
Jazz was also stunned that Kai took it as a mere weather conversation. Maybe he suspected before? Jazz shook his head, -Nah- impossible. Jazz guessed this whole silent acceptance came from having to accept Jazz' open bisexuality in the first place.
"I've had friends before, I know what liking someone in that way means," Jazz explained, his tone weary and somehow irritated by his own voice, "it's not that a certain closeness to someone will have me head over heels, it's just-"
"Are you head over heels already?" Kai's shoulders were relaxed, his tone unimpressed, his eyes were engrossed on his college assignment and Jazz had to admit that Kai's overall unpreoccupied pose egged him positively enough to carelessly keep his thoughts rolling off of his mouth.
"Wh-what? No." he denied, "It's just that I know I'm not confused."
Kai shrugged, "If that's so. What's the big deal?"
"That it is…" he accentuated, "impossible... We are talking about Aksel dude."
Kai detained his hands from twisting a transistor and turned his face to look at Jazz once again "You think you are ugly now?"
Jazz tensed after a chuckle, "Of course not, I don't say it in a teenage-desperate-for-attention tone." Jazz continued with a frown, "I will remind you that you are speaking with an adult male that knows his fucking worth. So that's not where I'm going."
"Let me hear it?"
Out of tenseness, Jazz grabbed one of Kai's tweezers as he tried to explain, "I mean that I know him, he is fearless and beckoning when he likes someone. I know for a fact that he is not attracted to me in the slightest… Also, what if he gets upset with me? Foremost and more importantly, he is fucking passionate about his crush on Youki."
"You think?"
"Youki looks like a fucking snack and though I'm not doubting I'm hot as fuck. My actual chances with him are cero to 'fuck off'. There is no in between."
"I'm not convinced."
"Convinced of what?"
"Well if he likes Youki then why wouldn't he like you? Your fears lack fundaments, first why would he be angry he attracts men? It's not like he is straight. Second, he knows you already and if he were to like you, he won't simply jump at your pants, you are his friend. Also, if you are worried about Youki then come on, give it a thought."
"A thought for what?"
"The dude says he is pansexual, meaning that he likes people for who they are rather for what their gender say about them."
"Well dumbass I'm not concerned about how gay Aksel actually is."
"But you are concerned because we are talking about Youki. I mean that as soon as he remains true to his sexual orientation, everyone regardless their gender has a chance with him."
Jazz groaned, "Are you even listening? I did say he has a crush on Youki. Youki is a dude. Yeah, the dude looks like a woman, so what. He is still a dude. Aksel's idea of Youki remains as a none-heteronormative couple. I'm not concerned about him ever corresponding to a guy."
"Ooh," Kai scratched the back of his head, "thought that you implied that the closest Aksel would be to a man is having developed a crush on Youki. Which in my opinion, is almost invalid to even determine as an interest on a man, unless you have sex with him and since Aksel has only gotten visual…."
"No, I mean-" As Kai's words downed, Jazz suddenly looked flabbergasted, "-parenthesis Kai, Aksel did display sexual interest on Youki, which means his homoerotic interest is still very much valid for an homosexual categorization, even if he is not fully homosexual; mind me informing you with that brute…" Jazz smirked, "and before closing the parenthesis I will tell you that I've intuited that you are trying to befit your own esthetic likeness for a man like Youki only to still classify yourself purely in the heteronormative labelling, so fuck you. But fret not, thinking the dude is sexy doesn't place you nowhere scary, admitting to Ranma that you would date him without an issue is debatably a dispute to your self-proclaimed orientation-" Kai almost forgot how boringly bookish could Jazz be with his some of his thoughts.
Jazz unperturbedly continued, "Stately, you dislike Youki only for his dislike of you, so I'll keep my other thoughts in mind and don't worry Kai, I'm not saying anything a basic bisexual man would say to make everyone gay. I think you are not. But I do think you channel your interests in odd manners. Hence, Aksel is valid in homosexuality if he likes Youki, as well as Ranma and you… if you were to ever again admit that yeah, you would fall for him if he asked."
"When have I said that?" Kai was genuinely curious.
"Games, bottle-spins, trues or dares, 'who wouldn't fall for Youki if he wanted?' type of boastful sentences that come from Saotome Ranma. You are always mindlessly stating that yeah you would. It is to notice that Shippo is the only man that shakes his head and says 'Y'all gays, I'm hella not', 'I would not' or simply, 'I don't like men' which is also a pity because the man is fucking beautiful but guess that things are what they are. Needless to say Kai, I'm sure you'll think twice whether you truly voice what you actually think or not. I always wanted to speak about this with someone oblivious to their implications… just like you. So don't mind me, I am not being in the least hostile."
He added "Finish parenthesis."
Kai almost complained but decided not to. It wasn't as if any of what Jazz said bothered him. He could only shrug. Jazz continued, away from the parenthesis and back to their discussion, "He might be genuinely pansexual and open to other dudes. But think about it Kai, that's even more compelling."
Dropping the last bits of thoughts about Jazz' parenthesis, Kai decided to aid his friend's doubts "Why'd you say so?"
"He likes people regardless their gender, right? Now, think that he oversees that I'm a fucking man, but he does sees who I am and obviously there is no interest. That means I have cero chance, isn't it obvious? If Aksel liked me, he would have told me already."
"Well think that he probably doesn't know Youki yet, maybe he doesn't know he likes you, maybe he may start without liking you and ending up doing it." Kai smiled reassuringly. Jazz exhaled dejectedly and remained silent until Kai decided to speak again.
"Mind me adding, I think you have more intense eyes." His eyebrows wiggled teasingly and humorously, his tone lowered for a more credible tease.
Jazz laughed, "Than who? Youki's?"
"Mhm, and more importantly, I really ship you two together."
Jazz smirked and crossed his arms across his chest "D'aaw fucking thanks dude but you say so only because Youki hates you, otherwise you would be on his team you slab piece of pork."
"Slander!" Kai chortled, totally unbothered by Jazz' uncouth words, he knew he meant them in the most outgoing way he could manage "But on a more serious note, I don't think it's impossible… if I'm honest."
"Sure." Jazz groaned in sarcasm, "He is not a stranger to me, I kind of think how he thinks of me and don't get me wrong, it's fine it's just… not the way I'd like."
"Pff, you just like to complain about everything, even as of why you exist, I don't think it's that bad."
"Not as bad? Try a crush on him and see what I'm talking about."
Kai squinted his eyes, finally his thoughtfulness went back to his project, "We've told you we are somehow a couple."
"Piss off." Jazz growled, "I'm fucking serious."
Kai sighed, "Well if it's bothering you that much, then tell him."
"To be furtherly humiliated by his easily foreseeable menacing yet jesting words? Do you think I am that stupid?"
"I don't think he will mock you. In the worst scenario possible, it won't be reciprocated but even then, you'd at least have that out of your chest."
Jazz' eyebrows creased in frustration, "Kai, if it was that feasible, I would have spoken to him already. Aksel will definitely be either upset or amused. And both will make me commit murder on him."
Kai remained soundless as he finished connecting a couple of black diodes, "Come on Jazz, Aksel is not that evil."
Jazz challenged him with an authoritative smirk, "Say that again… but slowly."
"Okay," Kai admitted, "Maybe he is evil but he is your friend, it's not like you'll be a second Issei."
"Holy crap," Jazz stopped "I never thought about becoming a second Issei, dude this will be the end of my never-ending villain roll, fuck." Jazz said genuinely preoccupied.
"That'd be Karma to bite you right in the ass. So you know how Issei felt with you."
"Jeez, shut up asshole, I'm really into believing that shit."
Kai snorted but decided it was not the best moment to worry his anxious friend, "Nah I'm joking, it'll be fine for you. Keep pestering innocents and you'll be fine. But back to Aksel; speak with him."
"I won't tell him, I'd rather die."
"To be honest," he offered, "I think he knows already."
"Why I'm not that painfully obvious, I mean yes my mouth waters when he is shirtless but I definitely made sure to hide these kind of shits to myself."
"That's gay, secondly, just tell him. I told you it's not that barbarically impossible to be corresponded. If you don't tell him then its fine too, maybe he knows already and he doesn't mind it as soon as you don't bother him."
"As soon as I don't bother him," Jazz repeated, his tone accentuated where his worrisome might have relied on, "if he knows then I don't even know what can get me in trouble, what if he sees me melting for him and he gets upset."
"Nah, maybe I'm wrong. Aksel may be a lot of things, but he is very humble when it comes to his physical appeal."
"Humble my ass."
"I mean- relatively humble."
"Still too much." Jazz pointed.
"Okay," Kai gave up, "the guy doesn't… exploit his looks? Maybe he is unaware."
"Yeah you are right, Aksel is kind of dumb and maybe he hasn't noticed."
"I didn't say he was du-"
"I almost forgot he is the dumbest white man I've ever met, you are freaking right Kai."
Kai remained speechless and wondered if Jazz was being serious, then after hearing him lift his spirits, he decided to leave it like that.
"Then what did you decide?"
"To shut the fuck up. At least while I can."
Kai sighed, "Well then, I hope at least you feel better now."
Jazz nodded, "Say something and I'll send you right back to your swamp."
"Oi, I'm not an ogre I think."
"You thought Kai, that's the keyword." Jazz leered, "Sometimes we are something we never expected to be." Jazz winked, "Sometimes it's not about expectation it's about the perception we have of ourselves. That's where we are wrong. Sometimes we are nothing close to what we thought we were. Or sometimes we are close to a change."
"Hmm," Kai nodded in agreement, "I hope that applies to your no-love policy as well."
Jazz instantly blushed, "Oh shut up."
.
L-word.
Eek.
Things revolved oddly inside him. Respecting his own mind constantly gave him something close to the most brutal honesty about his own psyche, he couldn't deny it was slightly comprising, mostly because it was always easier to lie.
But he couldn't. Nakura Jazz would not wait for someone else to notice it, not before he could wrap his head around a thought that was not as abstractly structured anymore.
It wasn't simply that he wanted Aksel.
And after his conversation with Kai, he had no other option but to admit that maybe he already knew that it was… something more. And that he had to tell Aksel the truth as well as to himself. As per what he could manage, he would be straightforward and tell him that he liked him, and he could omit some details. Especially because it wasn't merely that. It wasn't just a strong physical attraction.
And he was afraid that he knew it.
.
"It fucking sucks but I like you."
He stopped, the façade faltered for a flask second and regained, Aksel was back with a smirk, "For real?"
"Yeah…"
Aksel raised an eyebrow and shrugged, "Okay."
Silence gained territory and Jazz looked intently, he was hoping for a snarl, "Aren't you upset?"
"Why would I? As long as you respect me, I have no issues whatsoever."
"Oh, thought that… never mind" Jazz shook his head and seated beside him, "It's all good then right?"
"It is." Aksel sneered after a minute, they were both sitting in the carpeted floor from Aksel's bedroom. Everything was quiet beside the low volume from the airborne flat television. It wasn't strange to notice that Jazz smelled good "What surprises me is the amount of time you actually took to confess it."
"Fuck off, is not like you knew."
"I did."
"When I told you, I actually saw your face and you even stopped, you were about to stutter." Jazz smirked and sighed, "I'm pretty sure you weren't even sure about it yourself, if suspicious arose in the past days."
"It was all of a sudden, sure," he nodded, "but I was a little bit aware of that little something."
"What? Is not like I'm fangirling over you. It is what is it, this is Jazz telling you that he wants you, nothing else, nothing more."
"Wanting me? Means it's merely sexual."
Jazz became serious. "….if you say so."
"I mean," Aksel trailed off, "I want to know."
"What for? To feed your massive ego?"
Aksel winked, "I'm curious."
Jazz shook his head, he was partially upset, partially uncomfortable, "Go fodder your curiosity somewhere else, I have no need to tell you."
"Aw come on." Aksel inched closer.
"Better say, I have no intentions like, -in the least of specifying anything else. I told you so you know I'm shameless about it. But I'm not in anguish expecting to be understood and reciprocated."
And he was lying.
Aksel grinned, "I've never argued otherwise, I just want to know what type of attraction you-"
"What attraction means to you, whatever you define it like. I'll leave you with that."
"Come on Jazz, I'll kiss you if you tell me."
Jazz scoffed, his heart stopped beating two seconds ago "You do have modesty I'm impressed."
"I know you want it."
"Confessing a strained attraction doesn't make me desperate, have that in mind. I have more respect for myself than that."
Aksel poked at Jazz' cheek, he was jovially grinning, "I know that, I do respect you. I'm sim-"
"Using what I told you for your morbid gain? Drop it," Jazz frowned, "I'll not contribute to it, less if it's meant to disengage me from my own personal standards, and that is not poking at what I told you in that manner. It's disrespectful."
Aksel almost never minded just how angry Jazz sounded, and this was no different "I'll kiss you twice. Say," he wrapped an arm around Jazz shoulders, the later tensed, Aksel's nose touched the other's ear, causing instant goosebumps down Jazz' spine "you like me, you want me or say, you love me?"
"Fuck off Aksel." His face flared up in bright red, he briefly wondered how was Aksel comfortable breathing right on his neck if he didn't like him back.
"Jaaz~"
"All three, now shut the fuck up and get the fuck away."
"Why I am not impressed Nakura Jazz." Taking the other for surprise, Aksel's hand went up and lifted Jazz' chin close to his, the silence and distance between their mouths was somehow close to a consent inquire. Jazz's cheeks fired with feverish crimson and he felt the other get just a little bit closer, their breaths mingled over the other's mouth in a silent plea that was noiselessly conceded as Jazz' eyes fluttered shut and his pretty lips parted open. It was all the demon needed to lean in to the final smoothness as their lips melded with softness over a silent sigh.
Ever so breathy and silent as Aksel' pushed his tongue inside his mouth, Jazz heaved a soft moan that left both wanting and having much more, it was addictively warm "Moron."
Jazz' back was subtly pressed down the carpet, the soft, wet kisses traveled downwards, behind his ear and right on the left side of his neck, his lips opened with a heaving breath and it earned his mouth to get red swollen by Aksel's lips that pressed once again against them. Panting as it got warmer and slicker inside their kiss, his hands fisted on Aksel's orange locks because it felt beautiful, delightful and real. For the first time in his life, Jazz felt thoughtless, fearless and the world loveless, finally disappeared.
.
.
.
AN/
That's it! That's the final installment for LOVE. That means the story is finally complete. It was meant to be an introduction fic even after the final chapters became part of Jazz' process thoughts. Lol, I remember I started this with the intend to get myself to know them better since I was planning to write much more about them, since they were new, but I guess we know them very well now lmao
About the story and overall, I guess it was a journey of thoughts about lovelessness and love. I kind of enjoyed it. I don't think I need to add anything else because I don't mean to write an end to their story, it just goes on and on (because I don't know and I don't own them 100%) I actually used a lot of your idea about the time where Jazz liked Aksel. I will use the rest of your idea for a different fic but I thought your idea could lend a happy ending to a series that wasn't yet finished. Not thankfully it is.
I am currently working on another fic and I'm definitely happy to have this one finished. I would have wished to have more time for more plot but that will only mess with future fics and make them tiring lol
I hope you enjoyed.
Till next time.
Batya000