I'm late, I know but life is crazy and busy and things are happening! But I'll try to update regularly, I promise!

Chapter 32

Everything seemed to head up from there. Even though Elena's choice was hanging in front of us, like a ominous dark cloud, we managed to look past it and spend our lives together.

Her first semester of college seemed to just fly by and before I knew it, we were headed back to Mystic Falls for Christmas. Elena was doing great with her studies and it seemed like she had finally found the path she wanted to step on. The shady Nate character was still hanging around Elena and I didn't like it, but she was stubborn as hell, so there was little I could do. I tried to be near her and really notice her heartbeat when I knew she was hanging out with him, but for the rest, I had to trust that she knew what she was doing.

She was excited about coming back home for Christmas, and she had spent almost the entire month of November on shopping Christmas gifts for everyone. I'd had quite a lot of fun watching her wrap all the presents in and then try to keep track of which gift was for which person, but in the end she got it all right. We had loaded our bags in first and then we had filled my trunk and the backseat with gifts. It was filled to the hilt, while an adorable, bouncing and singing Elena sang along to Christmas favorites on the radio. Had it been any other person, I would have snapped their neck just to shut them up, but seeing Elena so happy and excited made all the torture worth it. We were doing extremely well, settling down into our normal habits, finding a rhythm that fit us and life was good. We seemed to both be content with just enjoying the time we had, before she had to make the choice she had in front of her. I tried not to think of it too much, now that I knew that Elena just wanted to wait until we got closer, but it was impossible to keep it out of my head. 6 years wasn't much to a human, but to someone who had lived for over 200 years, it was like blinking. What I really couldn't get out of my head, was the fact that I was going to have to see her die, one way or the other. I didn't want to see her body being cold and lifeless and I didn't want to see the light leave her eyes, but it was part of turning - or dying because she really didn't want to be with me.

Lucky for me, she was usually distracting me by being adorable or by being sexier than what should be legal. She was getting more and more courageous when it came to sex and I was enjoying it immensely. Seeing her being as confident as she had become, was incredible and I felt amazed that I had taken part in giving her that feeling. Now, that we were heading back to Mystic Falls, where we would be sharing the house with someone else and she wouldn't be able to run around naked as much as she did in our apartment, I hoped that she wouldn't go back to being as shy as she had been before.

As soon as I parked in front of the boarding house, Elena was out of the door and pulling the bags of gifts out, but I shot her one look and she knew to let them be. I refused to have her carry, when I could do all the heavy lifting, as though I was lifting paper.

I grabbed the gifts and hauled them inside, deciding to grab our bags after. There would be lots of time for that after we'd said hi to the others and Elena had gotten to talk to Caroline for a few hours. They had been calling each other most days and she had driven home for a few weekends, but this would be the first time since she started that they had a few weeks together. While I didn't like the thought of not spending all our time together, I knew she had to see her friends as well. She only had Caroline and Bonnie in Mystic Falls, so it would be nice for her to have more friends she could see on a daily basis.

Stefan and Caroline were greeting us as soon as we stepped in the door, giving Elena a big hug and Stefan looking me up and down, definitely not sure what to do. I knew we had a complicated relationship, so it made perfect sense that he was unsure of what to do. Having spent so much time with Elena, I decided to do the thing he didn't, and stepped forwards to embrace him in a man-hug. I could feel him freeze up at first, but he soon relaxed into the hug, his eyes trying to hide the emotion as we broke apart.

"It's good to be back," I said, and he nodded, tightening his jaw as he stepped aside to let me in. I walked in, knowing that we had officially changed the path we were heading down.

Elena's pov:

"So, how are you and Damon doing?" Caroline asked, as we finally got time to sit down in the lounge and talk. We had spent a bit of time eating together and talking before Damon and Stefan had gone off to decorate the outside of the house and we had ended up in the lounge.

"Really great! We've really found our routine, you know?" I said, laying down on the couch. Since the boys weren't here, we had lots of space to spread on, so we had grabbed a couch each, and the fireplace was lit.

"I'm so happy to hear that! And it's not changed stuff that you know you're a Singer?" she asked, popping her head up on her elbow. We had talked a little about it before, but all the times we had been home, Damon had been too busy distracting me, for me to actually talk to her about it.

"Nah. I made the choice to not let it affect the time we have together and then just decide once we get there. Damon said I don't have to turn or die until I'm 24, so there's lots of time to make the choice. I don't see why I have to do it right now, and spend so many years being scared of what my future is going to hold," I said, laying on my back. I knew Damon wasn't completely happy with it - he wanted an answer, but I simply couldn't give him one, because I didn't know yet. I didn't want to die - I don't think anybody wants to die, but on the other hand, I didn't like the thought of being a vampire. Sure, I would be able to be with Damon forever, and I wouldn't have to worry about growing old, while he stayed the eternal stud, but I still had to die, and even then, as I understood it, there was a risk of my body rejecting the transition. I couldn't imagine anything more horrible, than saying yes to turning for Damon and then in the end, it didn't work. It would be horrible for him to go through, and if I had a conscious after death, it would be horrible for me as well. It was a risk, but so was the entire thing. I knew Damon knew everything about the transition and how to do it, but that didn't mean it couldn't fail.

"You didn't have an instant choice in your head?" Caroline asked, frowned. I sighed. Of course I had, but that didn't mean I was okay with that choice. Even if I was okay with it, I knew that it was going to change over the next 6 years, because that's what happens as you grow up. Everything changes.

"Yeah, but who knows if that'll stick?" I said, not really wanting to give her the full reason. I didn't want to hurt Damon and I didn't want any promises. I had known Damon long enough to know that he had a habit of lashing out when he was hurt and I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to handle that. What if I promised him now that I'd turn and then when the time came, I didn't?

"Well, you could turn now, you know. Stay 18 forever," Caroline suggested and I turned around to my side to look at her.

"I don't know, I don't want to look that young, especially when Damon looks so much older. I don't want people to think things," I said, shrugging. We hadn't gotten many comments from strangers, despite our different looks. I would have thought that more people would be able to tell the age difference between us was a little unusual, but most people we met were just smiling at us. An elderly couple had noted how cute we were together, when we were out shopping.

"They're not going to think things, Elena. You're legal and you look much more mature than you are. Nobody would ever be able to tell," Caroline said, frowning at me, "why else don't you want to turn?"

I sighed, knowing there probably was no way around this one. Caroline always got what she wanted and if she wanted to know my innermost thoughts, she would get them, whatever the cost.

"I don't know… I mean, there's the risk that the transition might fail… what if I'm not a good vampire… no children and living forever doesn't really seem to live up to the hype it seems to have," I said, shrugging. I hadn't actively sat down and thought of reasons why turning might not be the smartest idea, but it had been easier than I thought, getting those ideas out. I knew I could trust Caroline with anything and now that I had a better idea of what she had gone through when she was younger, I understood better why she understood me so well. She had been a Singer, like me. That meant she had been presented with the same choice that Damon had given me and she had gone through the things I was going through now - except she didn't have nearly as much time as I did. Stefan had only been 17 when he turned, which hadn't left Caroline with much time to make a really important choice. I imagined having to make that decision a year and a half ago and shuddered. I would not have been able to make that decision. Heck, I didn't even feel ready to make the decision now.

But Caroline had been in a different time than me and in a way different situation. Being a vampire had changed her life for the better - I wasn't sure if mine was going to be the same.

"People not making it through the transition is so few and so rare that you really don't need to worry about it. I have never heard of a Singer whose body rejected the transition. You're sort of made to be a vampire or die, so you should be alright. And you've got three vampires to help you become whoever you want to be. We won't let you kill somebody or go crazy once you turn. The children part… yeah, that one is a bummer, I admit that," Caroline said, looking down at her hands. I cocked my head, looking at her curiously. I had never talked to her about family and children, but I realized right there and then, that Caroline probably had had the idea of wanting a child or more with a husband and house. All that had been taken away from her when she was only 17.

"Living forever can sound a bit scary, I can admit that, but it actually isn't when it comes to it. Time changes when you're a vampire. It's like it moves at a different pace. And for the most part, we just live in the now, taking each day as it arrives. We can't really do much else. You still keep evolving, personality wise and you'll be living an exciting life. It's just… a different type of exciting," Caroline finished, quickly jumping away from the subject of kids. I was curious to know more, but I also didn't want to press a subject she clearly didn't want to talk about. It wasn't often that Caroline avoided something, so when she did, I knew that she meant it.

"Isn't it horrible, though? Seeing all your friends and family grow old and die, knowing you're never going to change? And having to constantly keep moving, so nobody figures out that you aren't changing?" I asked, remembering how Damon had once told me that vampires couldn't stay in the same place for more than a decade, depending on what they looked like. Vampires like Caroline and Stefan had to move more often, because they were expected to age way quicker than they were. It both seemed like a pain, having to up and leave all the time but also seemed terrifying. I had only left Mystic Falls with Damon and I couldn't imagine actually moving away from the state, much less the country. If I became a vampire, that wouldn't be a thing I would do voluntarily. It would be something I had to do. The only positive thing, was that I knew Damon would always be by my side. Now that I knew that we were more than just a normal couple, I knew that he would follow me to the ends of the earth, if I needed him to.

"It's definitely not fun, but it's something you get used to pretty quickly. You won't let a lot of humans close enough to let them know what you are and why you're not changing, so you move away before they reach that age and chances are that you won't be coming back until they've passed away. It may seem harsh, but it's nature to a vampire," Caroline said, opening the blood bag she had brought with her.

"It seems very harsh," I said, frowning. I couldn't imagine just moving away and knowing Bonnie was going to die, without me being there. Just the thought of not growing old with my best friend was very weird and foreign to me. I had always thought we were going to go through life together, but that obviously couldn't happen now. I would be stuck at 24, whether it would be because I turned or because I was dead. Neither one of them sounded very nice.

Being back at the boarding house was just as fun as it had been the previous year. It took me a day to really get into the Christmas mood, but after that, Damon and I were decorating again, and this time, he was the one to surprise me with the perfect tree. He also surprised me when he showed up with a digital camera, saying he wanted to take pictures of everything, so we had the memories of our third Christmas together. We fooled around with it for a long while, taking pictures of everything and nothing, just to keep the memories. The only new thing this year, was that I got to spend more time with Stefan than I had ever done before. One morning, we were both up way earlier than Caroline and Damon, so we sat down in the kitchen together, talking about everything and nothing.

"When did you tell Caroline about the Singer bond?" I asked, taking a sip of my hot cocoa. Stefan was drinking the same, only his was spiked with blood.

"When she was 15. She kept asking why I always knew where she was, and how she was feeling and she knew there was something up, so I had to tell her. She took it surprisingly well. I had been so scared - I mean, when Katherine told me I was her singer, I was freaked ou-"

"Wait, what?" I said, choking on my cocoa. This was new information to me. Stefan frowned, getting a napkin from the kitchen counter.

"Damon didn't tell you?" he asked, handing me the napkin. I dried my mouth off and coughed.

"No, he didn't," I said, not really sure how to feel about it. Damon had told me the story of him and Katherine and Stefan before I knew what I was and why we were connected like we were, so I understood that he couldn't tell me about it, but it hurt that he hadn't added it later on. It seemed like a pretty big part of the story to leave out of the picture.

"Well, she was. She used Damon to stay close to me, stringing him along, so she could keep being near me. I've hated her for as long as I can remember. I never trusted her when she was near my brother and I wanted her to go away. That feeling only got stronger, when she started giving me hints about her feelings for me, and that she would rather be with me, than my brother. I knew she was going to hurt him and that was all that mattered to me. When your Singer hates you, it brings a lot of very powerful emotions through a vampire. I think she ended up turning me in desperation that it would make me love her, but as soon as I woke up, I told her just how much I hated her and that I never wanted to see her again. She still had my wife's blood on her hands when she told me that she wanted to spend the rest of her life with me. Damon said she staked herself before he even woke up," he said, looking down at his cocoa, "to this day, I still hate her for using Damon like that."

I had forgotten all about cocoa and breakfast. This was such big news that I wasn't quite sure how to process them. I was sure Damon had just forgotten to tell me, instead of trying to hide information from me, but that didn't make it any less overwhelming. The story made more sense now and I could feel my heart breaking over how tough Damon must have had it, knowing that the girl he loved would never actually love him back.

"What happened when she died? I mean with your bond?" I asked curiously. I still hadn't quite understood the Singer bond, despite Damon's best efforts of explaining it to me. It seemed like complicated business and sometimes I wasn't even sure Damon understood it all.

"It snapped. I was free of her at last. I didn't think I would ever find a replacement for my wife or anyone I would love as much as her, but as soon as Caroline was born, I knew the love I had felt for my wife was merely a fraction of what I could feel for a Singer," he said, a small smile appearing on his lips.

"I was scared at first… I couldn't help but think of how it had gone between Katherine and I, and I didn't want to hurt Caroline, like Katherine had hurt me… so I stayed away for the first many years. I tried to keep a small eye on her, but most of the time, I was on a ripper binge in the other end of the country, trying to drown the feeling of having to be near her… needless to say it didn't exactly work," he said, chuckling. I knew that Stefan had been a ripper once upon a time. Damon had told me about the horrible things he had done and the terror he had been spreading from city to city. And then one day, when he got close to Caroline, he stopped. It was like his body knew that he couldn't keep it off, when he was seeing Caroline so often, and it just stopped. It was a mysterious thing, but Stefan loved it. He had gone from being like an addict, to being able to drink human blood without tearing someone apart. It had changed his life.

"I'm glad it didn't work. I can't imagine Caroline dying," I said, shuddering to think of what would happen if Stefan hadn't gone to her.

"I can't either. But in reality, you just can't stay away from your Singer. Trust me, Damon tried with you. I think he lasted all of 2 hours on his first day, before he came to visit you. He tried to leave and to let you live your life, but he never actually went through with it," Stefan said, smiling at me. Damon had told me he hadn't been in my life as much as he had wanted to, so I already knew how he had tried to stay away - it was news to me, however, that he had come to see me in the hospital, so soon after I was born.

"I've been getting memories back… memories from when I was a kid. They come randomly when I'm with him - suddenly I remember him coming on my first day of school, him being at the hospital when Jer was born…" I said. It was a weird thing, but I was getting used to it and kind of liking it. I knew there wouldn't be too many memories, since he hadn't been around for a lot, but the ones I had gotten meant a lot to me. They were a big part of our story together.

It had been a surprise to Damon as well, every time a memory had come back, but it had been fun to listen to him tell the full story from his point of view. The memories were very odd - they weren't like normal memories, where you remember mostly everything. This was more like little snippets, emotions, voices, seeing him in the hallway in the hospital and so on. That's why it was nice to have Damon there to put it all together for me. When I realized he had been the one to give me my teddy and also my first journal, I had just cherished them even more. I had kept every single journal I had ever had, and they were now locked away in a cupboard in the library. They were private and I didn't want anyone to be able to just walk in a read my innermost thoughts.

I knew that Stefan liked journaling as well, and part of me really wanted to read them, because I knew they would be really interesting. It would be like a history lesson, just so much more accurate or more exciting, because I knew the person who wrote them.

I hadn't asked, however, because I knew how I would feel if anyone ever took a look in my journals. They were private and I didn't want to invade his privacy. If he offered at some point, I would be happy, but if he didn't, that was his choice. Not mine.

Plus, Damon had started opening more and more up to me, telling me more about his past and about his adventures during all of his travels. It had only made me so much more keen to go to more countries, to see more of the world and I was sure Damon was enjoying it too. We agreed that it was something we would do, once I was on the summer break. This time, Damon wasn't just talking of one country, though. He was talking about going through most of Europe, showing me everything. Most of it would be up to him to plan, since I was busy with school, but he seemed completely fine with that. After all, he was the expert.

The evening before the 25th, Damon and I were headed to bed together late, although I don't think either of us were very tired. We had spent every night in bed together, getting hot and heavy, but tonight I had planned something different. I was so much more confident when it came to sex, now and it did help that Damon and I knew each other so well now - so, when he started kissing me and pulling at my shirt, I pulled away, gave him a mischievous grin and shook my head. He raised his eyebrow at me, but I could see the smirk on his lips. He loved it when I gave him sign that I was ready for something new and this would definitely be new. Maybe, not just to me.

I took his shirt off, then his pants, until he was completely naked in front of me. He was already rock hard and was looking at me expectantly, but he had understood that I wanted to take charge. I slowly took my hoodie off, then my pants and panties and soon we were both naked. I took in a deep breath, to swallow my insecurities and he leaned forwards to kiss me gently on the lips.

"It's okay, baby. You can do this," he whispered, then standing back up straight, waiting for me to guide him. I nodded, knowing that if he knew what I was about to do, he might not be all that supportive. I wouldn't be the only one pushing through limits tonight.

I put both hands on his shoulders, gently leading him towards the bed. He sat down obediently and scooted in further, when I motioned for him to do it. I then crawled onto the bed, sitting on top of him, his hard length so close to my already wet pussy. I wanted to take him already, but I knew I couldn't. Not yet.

He was still wearing a smirk, putting both hands behind his head, looking at me as though he didn't want to miss a beat of what I was going to do.

I leaned down and kissed him, but instead of letting him take charge, I moved my lips softly and gently against his, placing both my hands on his face, my thumbs slowly gliding over his cheeks. I could feel him tense up slightly, but after a while I could feel his hands in my hair.

"Elena… I'm not sure if-"

"Ssh… just let me take care of you," I whispered, interrupting him. His eyes were no longer mischievous and the smirk had gone. Instead, he looked vulnerable and nervous. I could see that he wanted to say something else, but I cut him off by kissing him again, slowly, but securely. For a while, it was just an innocent kiss. It was an exchange of emotions, his fear of what might happen sliding over me, and I tried to send as much of my love as I possibly could to him.

Then I let my tongue glide across his lips, and he moaned as he opened his mouth, letting it in. His hips started automatically grinding his dick against me, but not fast and hard as usual - this time it was slow and fit with his moans. I pulled my lips away from his, slowly kissing across his cheek, to his ear, where I nibbled on his earlobe.

"I love you," I whispered, then proceeded to kiss down his throat. He let out another moan, and I loved the effect I was having on him. I sucked on his neck, letting my tongue tickle it slightly, and his arms went around my body, pulling me upwards.

"Elena… I've got to have you," he said, his deep blue eyes darkened with lust. Somehow, it was different than it usually was. This time, he wasn't looking at me as though he was going to swallow me whole. This was a look of complete adoration, of how much he needed to be close to me, to show me how much he cared for me.

I obliged him, moving further up, so his length was aligned with my entrance. I reached down and positioned it, so it was touching the me, and then I looked right into his eyes, as I slowly sank down on him, both of us moaning at the contact. His hands were on my hips, but they weren't bruising and demanding friction like they usually were. We were just enjoying being joined so intimately together. I leaned down again, kissing him slowly and then starting to move. His hands were helping me, as his tongue begged for entrance to my mouth. I let him in, and he let out a guttural moan, before turning us over, so he was on top.

"Elena, I need… I want more," he whispered against my lips, his hips starting to work in a faster pace, but still slowly enough for me to feel every inch of him enter me and exit again. I knew this was hard for him, but I also knew that he was enjoying it. He was stretching me out, and although it was a whole different kind of pleasure than the one his bruising pace normally gave me, I was loving it just as much, and I never wanted it to stop.

"I'm yours, Damon… forever," I whispered, leaning up and kissing his shoulder, "and ever." I planted kisses all the way down his arm and that seemed to do something to him. He was speeding up, and reaching down to play with my clit, making me moan louder than I intended to.

"Say it again," he whispered, his voice turning hoarse, as he pressed harder on my clit, moving his cock in the way he knew hit that favorite spot in me. I moaned and wrapped my legs around him, pulling him in harder. I wanted us to stay with making love, but I was getting close to climax and I wanted him.

"I'm yours," I moaned, and he moved harder, his fingers now rubbing my clit faster.

"Yes, baby… cum for me," he whispered, keeping his eyes on my face as he started pounding into me, his fingers going into the fastest speed a normal human being could use. My moans turned into little screams, as he growled at me. And I came, just as he had demanded of me.

I knew the slow love making was over, but I didn't actually mind as much as I thought I would. He sped up, leaning down so he could get to my breasts and then his mouth was on my nipple, sucking hard, while he moved in a way he knew rubbed my clit as well as fucked me.

I knew he wasn't far off his own orgasm and I wasn't far from another one, either. So I dug my nails into his back, pulling him closer, moaning louder.

"Yes, Damon, please…" I moaned, which made him growl again and suddenly, he was back to rubbing my clit furiously.

"Cum with me," he said, and as we both reached our climax, our eyes met and I knew that even though love making might not be our strong suit, we loved each other more than anything else.

Christmas at the Salvatore boarding house! And Damon and Elena finally got to make love to each other. I hope to hear your thoughts on this chapter and maybe what you think is coming up in the next one? Virtual cookies to anyone who can guess it!