To the readers/reviewers: You are awesome and make me smile! So big thanks!
*A.R2914: It really makes me "happy" that you had tears in your eyes and liked the chapter!And YES, I would stab him too!
*katie: I updated so fast because it's really an honor to know that my update put a smile on your face although you were sick and have to deal with hard stuff! Thank you so much for reading my story!
*may92: It's really good to hear that you like Ben and Sam and I've some ideas for the couple and wrote this much information about him because you told me that you would like to know more-so Thank YOu!
*Othangles: I am glad that you like Ben and Sam as well! And I will check out how Ryan is ;)!
*Ace5492: Wonderful that you reviewed!Thank you
*SJateBazeGirlscout22: So good to see someone "new" reviewing the story! That always makes me happy! Thanks for telling me your thoughts!
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I tried to show you a little more of Phoebe's feelings. It's never easy to deal with death...so here it goes (PS: LONG UPDATE...So you need a little time if you want to read it ;))
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Phoebe was lying sick in bed with Julian while she heard Brooke making something to eat outside. She sat up and still did not feel better. Her head was hurting and she felt very weak. She started to shiver again and looked disgusted at her PJ that was wet from her own sweat. She hated being sick and looked down at Julian who was still snoring besides her, so she cuddled closer to him and he immediately took his arms around her and held her tight and felt how wet her clothes were, "Phoebe you have to change into a new PJ.", he coughed but Phoebe shook her head.
"I don't want to get out of the bed.", she whispered and looked up when Brooke came into the room with two bowls of soup.
"Hey, you are awake.", Phoebe and Julian looked at her with feverish eyes and nodded.
"I get you a new PJ kiddo.", Julian wanted to get out of the bed but Brooke pushed him down immediately.
"You are sick too. So no one of you leaves this bed.", she smiled down at them and went into Phoebe's room to get her pajama and then went back and helped Phoebe into it. "I've made you this soup." Brooke knew how Julian was when he was sick. He was always acting like he would die and sometimes she had to roll her eyes at such a behavior. Well, she always thought that men were the ones that acted like babies when it came to sickness and that it was a good thing that women would get babies and not the other way around. But this time Julian did not complain and Brooke knew that it was because of Phoebe.
"Nooo. I don't want to eat anything.", Phoebe whined and hid her head in Julian's chest.
"I am sorry but you have to eat to get better.", Brooke said and wanted to take a spoon of soup into her mouth but she turned her head away and closed her eyes.
"I just want to sleep."
Julian sat up as well and took the soup into his hands and started eating, "That tastes good Brooke. Thank you. I feel better immediately."
Phoebe did not listen to him but Brooke took her in a sitting position and was happy that Phoebe finally opened her mouth and ate the soup. "I hate to be sick.", she started sobbing and both of them knew that she was not only sobbing because of her sickness but of all the things that had happened today.
"How about you try to sleep a little?", Brooke suggested and went through her hair.
"Will you wake me up when Ben and Sam come back?", Phoebe asked and had to yawn.
"Of course I do.", Julian immediately pulled her in his arms and Phoebe took her arm over his chest. "Sleep tight my sick ones.", she kissed both of them on the forehead and could not believe how cute they looked.
"Why aren't you going to be sick?", Phoebe looked up at her and had to sneeze again.
"Because moms never get sick when they take care of their sick loved ones."
"Then I want to be a mom.", Phoebe whispered and closed her eyes and soon both of them fell asleep. So Brooke went outside and sat down on the couch and covered her face with her hands and let the tears fall down. Sometimes it was hard to know that if you could turn back time, so much would be different and better now. She had to call Haley to talk about it. They talked for a while until she heard someone going into Phoebe's room.
Phoebe took the photo into her hand. She just needed it and looked down at it with sad eyes and remembered the times when they had run around in the garden and played hide and seek with the kids in the neighborhood. Rebecca had always yelled at her when she had cheated. And when one of them had been sick, the other one had taken care of her. It had always been the two of them.
"Hey kiddo.", Julian walked into the room and took his arms on her shoulder and looked down at the photo, "She's really pretty.", he whispered and Phoebe nodded with tears in her eyes. That girl on the photo was definitely a pretty one. She looked like Phoebe but two heads bigger and her smiled was adorable.
"Hey. Go to bed you two.", Brooke came into the room with warm tea and saw the photo of Phoebe and Rebecca who were smiling into the camera happily.
Brooke and Julian sat on her bed and did not say anything and looked at Phoebe who did not look away from the photo. They did not want to push her to tell them anything about Rebecca but they hoped that she would try. Phoebe took a deep breath and then started.
"That is Rebecca.", she whispered. It was the first time that she spoke about her after her death on her own.
"Becca was…my sister and...", Phoebe tried hard to suppress the tears but nevertheless they streamed down her face "and…and we spent every minute together. She was always telling stories about anything.", Phoebe could not look into Brooke's or Julian's eyes. It would be too hard to see their tears; so she kept on staring at her favorite photo. They had tears in their eyes as well and wanted to show her that she was in a safe place now and could tell them anything she wanted. Brooke knew that Phoebe did not always like to be touched but she tried it softly. She took her hand on her arm and pulled her onto her lap. She was happy that Phoebe allowed it and leaned back against her. Phoebe took another deep breath and then remembered her past while Julian held one of her hand and she was sitting on Brooke's lap.
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Eight-year-old Phoebe woke up in the middle of the night when she heard Rebecca walking around in the room and obviously thinking real hard.
She could not take it any more; she could not see her little sister always getting beaten up that bad and she knew that some day her father would probably kill Phoebe. He was violent towards her as well but it was nothing compared to how he was with Phoebe.
"What are you doing?", Phoebe stood up and looked at Rebecca with tired eyes, "are you ok?", she worried because her sister lately had stopped smiling that much and instead of spending the days outside in the nature, she preferred staying in their locked room.
Rebecca looked down at Phoebe and gave her a bag, "Why did you pack my bag?"
Rebecca suddenly took a gun and gave it Phoebe.
"Whoa Becca. That's daddy's." Normally it was Phoebe who stole a gun just to play with it but Becca would have never done anything like that, "Here.", she gave Phoebe a big pack with the drugs and Phoebe looked shocked up at her.
"You did not…?Jeez Becca, he could have caught you."
"You wanted to do it too.", Becca defended herself and rolled her eyes.
"Yeah but I am a pro in spying on people and…", Rebecca stood in front of her and gave Phoebe the photo of Brooke.
"Go and live with her.", she pushed Phoebe to the window but Phoebe threw the bag to the ground. She could not understand what was happening and why Becca wanted her to live with a woman that probably did not even care one second about them and that she did not know at all.
"I won't leave you Becca and I don't even want to live with that woman.", the eight-year-old kid said furiously.
"You have to.", Becca pushed Phoebe to the window again. She had never done anything like that and Phoebe realized that Rebecca was stronger than she was and started protesting.
"Becca. I am not going!", she could not understand why her sister was behaving like this and it hurt her to see her this sad.
"Why are you so stubborn? You run away all the time why not now? Leave Pheabs. Please." Phoebe did not know what to say.
"Not without you. I would never leave you alone Becca. And when I run away I always come back. You know that.", the idea of running away was always on Phoebe's mind but she always had to do it on her own because Becca was too afraid. Of course Phoebe had always come back to her sister when she ran away after another big fight with her father. Rebecca knew that Phoebe would never leave her alone.
"I can't.", Becca whispered, "I am not as strong as you are and…", she cried into her hands.
"Then I can't either.", Phoebe sat down on the floor and took her arm around her sister. She was the most important person in her short life and the only thing she wanted was to see her happy.
Rebecca cried on Phoebe's shoulders, "Everything will be all right Becca. Maybe your…your princess will come and get us." Rebecca always talked about the princess that would safe them and although Phoebe did not like that idea because she believed that Brooke was not a princess, she tried to calm her sister with that thought.
Becca looked at Phoebe "There isn't any princess. It's just a story Phoebe. Stop being a child."
"But…but you always said that…" Phoebe was shocked to hear her sister saying that. Normally she was the one who told her that they should not wait for any stupid princess that would safe and build a castle for them.
"It was a lie Phoebe. A lie." Their bond was really strong and when one sister would loose hope the other one would try anything to help her finding it again.
Phoebe looked stunned at her sister and then stood up and packed her sister's stuff, "I show you that it was not a lie. We will sell this stupid stuff, get money and then we will find your princess, okay?", Phoebe gave the bag to Rebecca and held out her hand with a soft smile.
Rebecca hesitated a moment but then looked up at the person she loved the most and the only one she really trusted. She nodded, took her sister's hand and packed her teddy bear into the bag as well.
"Can't you leave him here? He is so big?", Phoebe protested but Rebecca shook her head.
"I would never leave him alone and you are just jealous because you accidently shot of the head of your bear."
"It was not an accident. I wanted to see what happens when you shoot a teddy bear and mine was never as pretty as yours.", Phoebe whined.
"Well now you know what happens and there is no way that I will give him to you. You will just get another of your stupid ideas and destroy him.", Becca smiled down at Phoebe, who rolled her eyes and climbed out of the window.
They went out into the night holding hands and hoped to find Brooke, the princess that would safe them from their nightmares. A small smile was on their faces and Phoebe squeezed her sister's hand a little, "Sisters forever, huh?"
Rebecca squeezed it back and although she was a little afraid of the night, she had her Phoebe at her side, "Yes, sisters forever silly one."
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Brooke and Julian held Phoebe tight while she cried in their arms. Brooke wished that she had known the two girls at that age. She would have saved them. She would have made them live with her. Definitely. But it was too late now.
"And…and I could not bring her to you…because…she could not breathe after those bees attacked us and…and I did not know what to do..."
"We are so sorry Phoebe.", Julian caressed her back while Phoebe was on Brooke's lap and hugged her tightly, "But it was not your fault. You have to believe that Phoebe. I know it's hard to understand…but…"
Ben and Sam entered the room with a teddy bear. Phoebe was consumed by guilt immediately and stayed mute.
Ben took a deep breath and sat down in front of Brooke, Julian and Phoebe besides Sam and then started, "Rebecca would…"
Suddenly Phoebe jumped and screamed at him. The others could just listen in shock what she was saying, "Stop telling me what she would want.", she looked madly at him. Ben looked confused at her and did not know what to say, "She is dead. Don't you get it? She is buried under the ground and there is just one thing Rebecca would want.", Phoebe made a pause but then said it.
"Life. And you know what? It is my fault that she cannot have that any more. If I had kept my mouth shut and not convinced her to run away she would live. If I had not promised her that we would find Brooke", Phoebe pointed at Brooke while she walked around in her room "…and that she would make everything better, she would still live. It's my fault. Don't tell me what she would want right now cause my Becca cannot want anything any more because of me."
All of them looked shocked at Phoebe when she started to destroy her own stuff. She threw everything on the floor. She had such a rage in her body that she even destroyed her computer and mobile, "I hate that stuff.", she screamed and then ran outside.
All of them felt helpless and went after Ben with tears in their eyes but somehow they knew that they had to give the two of them some minutes alone. He was the only one who really knew Rebecca.
Phoebe went into the garden and sat down on at the bench and looked up into the sky with her arms crossed. She found a package of cigarettes beside her that probably belonged to Ben and took a cigarette and started smoking. Soon she felt someone sitting down besides her.
"Since when are you smoking?", Ben asked and Phoebe rolled her eyes.
"Since now.", she coughed and did not stop looking into the sky.
Ben took the teddy bear and sat it down besides Phoebe who looked at it and pushed it away, "It's hers not mine."
"I know but she would want you to take care of him, not her big cousin."
"She never let me have him.", Phoebe said coldly but Ben could tell that it was all a facade. He knew how Phoebe could get when she was hurt. Ben took the bear and put it onto her lap. Phoebe immediately stood up and threw him on the ground.
"I told you that he is not mine. Jeez. Do you even listen to me? He belongs to Becca not to me."
Ben did not want to yell at Phoebe but somehow he needed to "Okay. Now you listen to me. It was not your fault Phoebe. Stop punishing yourself." he held both of her arms, so that she could not escape and had to listen to him.
She looked away, "Let me go." and screamed at him and at first Brooke and Julian wanted to go out and solve the situation but somehow they sensed that Ben knew what he was doing. He held her tight and she had no way to escape, "God Phoebe. We all miss her. I know it's worse for you and I cannot imagine what you go through. Rebecca would not want you to feel guilty. You knew Rebecca the best and she would want you to be happy. You meant everything to her."
This was enough for Phoebe and she fought with all her strength, which was useless, "Stop saying this. Of course I know that…but it should have been me. The bees stung me too but I live and she is dead. It's not fair. It is not fair. Why didn't I just keep my mouth shut? Why was I so stupid to suggest running away? I thought we would grow up together and build a castle. Just for the two of us and I would have bought her the horse she always wanted. We had so many plans Ben. So many. I did not want her to die. I need my Becca. I don't want her to be dead."
Phoebe was punching her cousin with her small fists over and over again and then finally let him hug her while crying hard and now her screams turned into a whisper.
"I want her back Ben. I miss her so much. I don't want to grow up without her. I really want her back Ben. I would do anything. Please get her back Ben. Please."
Ben was crying as well and held her tight in her arms and rocked her back and forth, "Pumpkin I would do it if I could. I swear."
"But what if she feels alone right now and has no one to watch over her? She was always scared of the night or being alone", Phoebe asked concerned.
"Oh trust me. Everybody up there loves Rebecca.", Ben pointed at the sky and Phoebe nodded. Phoebe looked up into his eyes and the tears fell down her eyes like a waterfall.
"But…I did not want her to die…", Phoebe whispered, she was still feeling guilty.
"I know, I know." Ben whispered, "Everybody knows that and especially Rebecca knows it because you were the most important person for her. Even your dad knew it; he just needed someone to blame. You won't forget her if you're happy. I know you Phoebe."
Julian, Brooke and Sam were wiping their own tears inside the house. They could feel how much Rebecca meant to Phoebe and that she was one of the persons that had helped her to grow up in a violent home without giving up hope.
"I know it's hard to be happy and you cannot forget your past and I don't want you to but…Rebecca will always have a part of your heart and I know that this is a special place. Don't close up your heart. Let others in as well. They won't take her space. Your heart has enough place for many, many people."
Phoebe and Ben were now lying in the grass and looking at the sky, "Do you think Rebecca can see us?"
"Oh, I bet she can.", Ben smiled and then kept on talking, "My theory is that Rebecca helped you find your other sister and Julian and…Sam. "Phoebe listened to him. "I don't think that it's a coincidence. Have you seen Brooke's eyes."
Phoebe nodded. "Yeah, they look like Becca's."
"Right and like yours."
"But…but I want Becca to be with us here…I want to see her smile again and hear her voice. I miss everything about her. I want her to have everything I have and want her to get to know all of them."
"Oh, she would have loved them.", Ben said and suddenly Phoebe felt another hand at her side and when she looked to the right, Brooke was lying in the grass and looked up into the sky while squeezing her little hand a little. She just needed to show Phoebe that she was there for her, no matter what and she would never give up on her.
"I would have loved to meet her.", Brooke said. Sam and Julian where lying on Ben's side and said "Me too.", while the tears were already falling onto the grass.
"Maybe you can tell us more about her some time?", Brooke asked softly and Phoebe bit her lip and looked sadly into Brooke's wet eyes that looked exactly like Becca's. With one fast movement Phoebe fell into Brooke's arms and hid her head in her chest and cried. She let it all out and Brooke held her as tight as possible and caressed her back.
"I miss her mom. I miss her so much and I don't want to believe that she'll never come back."
Of course Brooke was crying as well and listened to Phoebe who was lying on top of her. "I cannot live without my Becca. She always knew how our future would look like and…and now…now I am older than she was and I don't know how she would look like now and I will never know it. It's not fair mom.", Brooke could feel Phoebe's hot forehead on her neck and knew that it would be better for her to stay in bed but she could feel that it was important for Phoebe to let it all out now.
"She was way nicer than I am. It's not fair. I want my Becca. Why did she die? I want her back….I need her and she needs me.", Brooke went through Phoebe's hair and then looked up into those beautiful sad eyes.
"Honey, no one can bring her back but she's still with you.", Brooke put Phoebe's hand on her own heart, "She is in your heart and she will live forever because you keep her alive in there."
"But I want to see and smell and feel her.", Phoebe whispered totally exhausted and let her head fall on Brooke's chest again and listened to her heartbeat.
"I know and I would do anything to make that happen. But no one can. It's not easy to understand it Phoebe and I cannot tell you why she died. Sometimes it seems that things just happen without a reason."
Ben interrupted her, "I think that there was a reason. Like I said before pumpkin. Rebecca helped you find the new family you have now and…"
"But I wanted her to find them too. Not only me.", Phoebe's lip was trembling. She remembered the time when she had thought that nothing worse than getting hit by her own father would ever happen. She missed these moments when Rebecca and her had bathed naked in the sea and just had thought about their future.
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Seven-year-old Phoebe was lying in the grass besides her sister who just turned nine.
"What do you want to be when you grow up?", Phoebe did not need to think one second.
"A detective.", she answered and loved lying naked between all those flowers, "I will find out every secret that people have and I will help people and you Becca?"
"I wanna be a teacher cause I love to know new stuff."
"You'd be the best teacher ever.", Phoebe was proud of her sister, who was always teaching her everything she learned.
"I think we have to start learning to swim.", Becca looked at the sea and picked a flower and put it into Phoebe's hair.
"Why? We just stand in the water where it is not too deep.", Phoebe touched her big blue eye and flinched a little in pain.
"But I think it's good to learn to swim. It must be fun." Becca looked into the sky. She loved the nature's peace and just listened to the wind. Her long brown hair was landing in Phoebe's face who smelled at it. She always loved smelling at Becca's hair because unlike herself, Becca washed it every day with the same shampoo.
"Or maybe I become a writer.", she lay her head on her sister's chest and listened to Phoebe's heartbeat.
"Yeah, I think you should do both. And I could paint to your stories.", Phoebe suggested and looked up into the sky, "Do you think Doodle is somewhere up there?"
"That's a dumb question silly one.", Beccca looked down at Phoebe with a smile and just knew that her sister would look confused. She loved that look. "Of course he is. He was a good dog."
"I really miss him.", Becca wiped her sister's tears and nodded.
"I miss him too but I bet he is happy up there."
"How do you know that?"
"Well, I just do!", she looked up into the sky and then jumped up and looked at their favorite tree, "Let's climb up again."
They did not even care to take on their clothes and just looked into the sky.
"I hope I'll be in heaven one day and not in hell. I would miss you too much if I were in hell.", Phoebe threw an apple to the ground.
"If you're in hell then I will never stay in heaven silly one." Becca took an apple and bit into it and then gave it to Phoebe who did the same.
"It's weird that we will never see them again. Grandma, Grandpa, Doodle.", lately Phoebe was thinking a lot about death.
"Yeah. I did not want them to die either but they were old. Maybe it's not so bad if you are old because you have seen everything of the world."
Phoebe nodded and looked at her big sister, "Well, we've seen nothing so far. So we won't die until we are…like one hundred years old.", Phoebe wanted to take the apple but slipped and fell down the tree and landed in the grass. Becca looked shocked down and immediately climbed down to her and heard her moaning, "Owwwww…."
"Phoebe. Are you okay?", she took her hand and hugged her. Phoebe nodded and touched her back in pain, "Jeez. How will you make it to hundred when you hurt yourself every day?"
Phoebe looked sadly up at her, "Would you miss me if I die?"
Becca was a little taken back from that question and nodded, "Sometimes your questions are dumb. You know I would miss you. I cannot sleep one night without you, how should I live without you? That's impossible and will never happen."
Phoebe nodded, "Maybe I am one of those heroes in your stories and invincible. Every bruise just makes me stronger.", Phoebe stood up and pretended to be a superhero and ran around. Rebecca joined her and laughed happily.
"Oh no super hero Phoebe. Please help me. My horse is sick and I don't know what to do."
"I am coming miss.", she made a funny movement, "It's okay again."
"Thank you, thank you.", Becca hugged her and smiled and played further, "What would I do without you?"
They fell backwards into the grass and had to laugh hard, "Would you miss me if I die?", Becca whispered and Phoebe rolled her eyes.
"Dumb question. I would miss you so much that I would want to follow you into heaven. I would just built a flying machine and come and live with you."
"But only the real angels are supposed to be in heaven.", Becca said and threw a stone into the water.
"I don't care. Angels are nice so they will not hit me if I come to visit you. They are not like dad.", she touched her eye again and hoped that he would be in a better mood when they would come home.
"Dad will never be an angel.", Becca took her head on her knee and looked a little sad. Phoebe realized her sister's mood change and showed her something.
"Look, I've found this at home.", it was a lipstick and she immediately opened it and painted Becca's lips with it. "Perfect. You look like a pretty woman."
Becca took the lipstick and painted Phoebe's lips as well. "You look beautiful as well."
They played fine women for another hour and finally dressed again and went home because it was starting to get dark. Their father did not care at what time they would come home but Becca hated it to be outside in the dark. Their father did not even realize that his daughters were home again because he was having a woman on the couch with him.
The girls went upstairs and into their room. Phoebe immediately jumped on her bed and looked at her favorite DVD. "You know what."
"What?", Becca asked and looked into the stars. She loved the stars very much and could sit at the window for hours and just stare at them.
"I am going to build us a Radio Flyer. Just like in the movie. There is this boy and the father is really mean and in the end the little boy flies away and always sends postcards to his brother."
"But I don't want you to fly away without me.", Becca whispered and Phoebe shook her head.
"Of course not. I build a big one for the two of us."
"I really wonder how it's like to look down to us from up there.", Phoebe looked confused at her sister and then up into the sky and saw the stars. She sat down besides her and shrugged her shoulder.
"I have no idea." they looked at them for a while and then Rebecca took out a book and started reading about stars. Phoebe loved listening to her.
"Maybe stars are like sleeping angels.", Becca suggested and Phoebe shrugged her shoulders again. Sometimes her sister had all those angel theories she did not understand.
"Do angels even sleep?"
"How should I know? I am not an angel.", Becca said back and Phoebe fell into her bed and jumped up when she heard her father yelling her name loudly.
"Did you do anything?", Becca immediately asked panicked. Phoebe shook her head and took a deep breath when he yelled her name again. Her heart was starting to beat real fast and she had to take a deep breath and then she wanted to go out but Becca was faster and went downstairs.
"She is sleeping dad.", she lied but he went upstairs and took Phoebe at her arm into another room.
"I did not do anything, I swear.", Phoebe held up her arms and defended herself while he locked the door so that Becca could not get inside. Becca knocked from the outside and then heard his first hit and Phoebe's sobbing. He opened the door again and went downstairs without looking at Becca. Rebecca looked up in fear at her father and could not understand why he was always so violent. She wished he could change but her wish never came true.
"Don't you ever touch my things again.", he yelled from downstairs and took another beer.
"Phoebe?", Becca went inside the room carefully, "Are you okay?"
Phoebe was lying without her jeans on the floor and Becca knew that he had used his force against her little sister again and hit her on the bottom without mercy. She could see how red it was and knew that Phoebe must be in pain. Phoebe tried not to cry and bit her own lip so that the tears were not coming out of her eye. She knew that crying would not change anything.
Rebecca helped her up and they walked into their room again. "Why was he so mad?"
"He wanted the lipstick back but I forgot it in the grass.", little Phoebe sobbed into her hands and lay down on her stomach because her back was hurting too much.
Becca went under the blanket with her and started to tell her a story and Phoebe closed her eyes and immediately pictured everything she said. It was a story about the two of them when they would be older. How they would live in a big castle and would run around all day long and laugh happily. Soon both of them fell asleep. As usual Phoebe lay crossways in bed at night. It seemed as if she wanted to pin Becca under her in order to make sure that she would be there forever. It was her Becca. Her sister forever.
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"She…she was very beautiful. I always admired how big she was."
Ben laughed and added "Oh yeah. Although she was only two years older Rebecca was much bigger."
All of them listened carefully when Phoebe kept on talking, "We never really fought and we could always tell what the other one was thinking. Sometimes we just lay in the flowers and I listened to her stories. Her head was full of those stories and I could listen all day long to it and painted to it. She walked like an elf. I was having bruises on my knees or back all the time but she never fell off a tree or got into a fight with our dad.
When daddy was having those scary men at home we always hid in our room and sometimes I cried and she would just make me forget everything by telling another story and cuddling with me.
And when she cried I always showed her my paintings about her stories and told her that one day we would find this mystery land and in the end she was telling another story again."
"Wow. That sounds amazing Phoebe.", Julian said and Phoebe nodded. It was hard for her but healing at the same time.
"Yes, she was. She wanted to become a writer; just like you Sam and I would have made the pictures to her story. Oh look at this cloud. It looks like Doodle. He was Becca's and my bulldog. Although he looked like a monster he was a butterfly."
All of them stayed like this for a while and listened to Phoebe's talking. Phoebe did not talk about Rebecca's death but they were glad that she opened up this much.
"You would have loved her you know.", Phoebe looked at Brooke and Brooke nodded "Definitely."
"She would have loved to go shopping with you and helping in the kitchen or talking to Sam about stories and learning how to swim with Julian and cycle or watching fun movies."
"Just like you do.", Ben added.
"Yeah. Just like I do.", she felt guilty that she got all the things Rebecca would love and wished to share everything with her. She would not hesitate one second.
"She always admired you.", Phoebe pointed at Brooke and Brooke looked confused at her, "I had this one photo of you an Victoria and she said that you look like an angel and that she wanted to be like you when she would become a woman.", Brooke let her tears fall at this imagination.
"And she told those story of you that you were a fine princess and that you would come and get us to live with you. I remember telling her that this was nonsense and that you did not want us and that we would build up our own castle one day. She loved flowers very much and she always wished for a tree house. She said that a tree house was so wonderful because then you would be one step closer to heaven and to the angels. Rebecca always had those weird imagination going on in her head."
Ben was relieved that Phoebe was finally letting it all out and although it was hard to see her crying for the whole day, it was better for her to cry than keep everything to herself or destroying her own stuff.
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Phoebe and Julian slept the rest of the day. Phoebe's fever was getting higher and she got into coughing fits while Julian sneezed all the time. Brooke looked into the room and smiled a little. It was sweet to see the two of them cuddling. Julian had his arm around Phoebe and held her tight, as if he wanted to protect her again. Even in her sleep.
Ben and Sam were in the living room. It was 9pm and they were exhausted. The day had been very hard and their eyes were red from all the crying. Brooke sat down on the couch as well and looked at the two teenagers. "I am proud of you.", Ben and Sam looked confused at her.
"Okay you two. I go to bed cause I cannot keep my eyes open any more. You can watch a movie but…", she pointed at the two of them with a soft smile, "you won't share a bed. Not again I may add."
Ben blushed into the deepest red while Sam looked shocked at her. "What?", she asked confused.
"Oh Sam. I've been sixteen once as well but you have your bed Ben and Sam has hers. I want you two to follow that rule. Is that clear?", Ben immediately nodded.
"Yes mam. Um…sorry…we…", Brooke gave each one a kiss on the cheek and wanted to go outside when Phoebe came into the room. It looked like she was sleepwalking again, which happened very often lately. Phoebe walked over to Sam and sat down on her lap and hugged her tight. Sam held her tight and stroked her back; it was a good feeling. She could tell that Phoebe was sleeping again and Brooke took her into her arms and to their bed again.
Then she changed into her PJ's and brushed her teeth and then went under the blanket slowly. She looked at Phoebe and Julian for a while. Phoebe looked so peaceful while she was sleeping; yet Brooke knew that this girl had to go through so many horrible things in her life. No wonder she had her tantrums and stubbornness.
She heard Phoebe sobbing again in her sleep. She was obviously dreaming about Rebecca because she mumbled her name. Brooke took her arm around her and went through her hair. It calmed her down and then she looked down into her feverish eyes.
"Hey you.", Brooke whispered and held her tight. She saw that Phoebe's lip started to tremble. Phoebe was almost on top of Brooke and listened to Brooke's heartbeat.
"Becca always said that every heartbeat counts. And that you should listen to it sometimes to really realize what living really means."
"Your sister was really smart.", Brooke smiled at Phoebe and Phoebe nodded proudly. "Oh yes, she was. Sometimes she woke me up at night and said that she just wanted to hear my voice. I was always so annoyed by that but when…when she wasn't there any more and no one woke me up at night I really missed that. I still do because not only did she get to hear my voice, I got to hear hers too.", she coughed a little and soon fell asleep again.
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Ben and Sam were lying on the couch. They did not want to go to bed because they wanted each other's warmth. Sam looked down at the boy under her and went through his hair. "I am so happy that I found you.", she laid her head on his chest and listened to his heartbeat.
"Me too.", he massaged her back and did not want to let go of her.
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"The life of the dead is placed in the memory of the living" * Cicero, Markus T.