Julian and Phoebe continued painting the fence in the garden, "Maybe she's sad because Ben is going soon?", Phoebe really wanted to know what happened but Ben did not let her get in either. "Or maybe she has those stomachaches again because of her period and Ben was not nice to her? Or…", Julian laughed at the worried face of Phoebe and painted her nose a little with the blue color.
"Heeey.", she complained and ran after him with the brush. Of course Julian worried as well but he knew that Brooke would help Sam and he also knew that she was the better one when it came to boys' problems. Little did he know that Sam was not only sad because of Ben.
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"What do you mean with that?", Brooke asked a little shocked. Of course she cared. She cared a lot. Sam stayed mute and had her arms crossed in front of her chest, "Sam. I love you and you know that. I know that it's been a lot…well everything was focused on Phoebe in the last time but I…I thought you wanted to spend every minute with Ben but Sam, you know that we care for you.", she took Sam's hand "And we love you with all our hearts."
Sam could tell that she was telling the truth and Brooke's wet eyes emphasized it. "But I miss talking to you.", Sam whispered and felt the tears running down her face.
"Oh honey. You can talk to me whenever you want. I am here and although Phoebe sometimes seems like a magnet to me, I see you and I love you as much as I love her. It's just…well…you know about her past and she's that small and I am sorry that I did not realize that you needed to talk to me right now. It won't happen again. Can you forgive me?", Brooke looked down at her with her puppy eyes and made Sam laugh.
"Okay. You are forgiven. And it's not like I want the attention you give Phoebe. I would hate that."
"Ooooh. So you don't want me to cuddle with you every night and hug you to death or tell you stories?", Brooke teased her.
"Jesus. You would so annoy me.", Sam answered and smiled at Brooke.
"So what is it? Let me guess. It's about a boy?", Brooke pinched her nose and Sam nodded. It was half of the truth but she really needed to talk about it with Brooke. Although Brooke was like a mother to her, it was great that she was not that old. They were only thirteen years apart and they had always talked about so many things. Brooke and Sam loved that and it was totally different than having a discussion with Phoebe.
Brooke jumped happily into Sam's bed, "Oh finally. I missed the real important talks in life."
Sam had to laugh at that comment. "So what happened between you two?" Sam had to take a deep breath and then started.
"Promise me you won't yell at me.", Brooke raised an eyebrow.
"Well do you think that I have to yell at you? Cause I cannot promise you that Sam"
"I…", she started talking but the door opened again and Phoebe came in with paint in her face. She walked over to Sam with a very big smile on her face.
"Look what I've found. A cloverleaf with four…"
Brooke immediately interrupted her, "Phoebe you have to knock on Sam's door when you want to come in and we are kind of in a conversation right now." Phoebe looked up at Sam and then at Brooke with a confused face. Brooke was not yelling at her but nevertheless she knew that Brooke meant every word she said and wanted her out of the room.
"Will you be okay?", she asked Sam again and Sam nodded when Phoebe sat down on the bed as well. She did not really want to leave the room. She wanted to help Sam too and listen to their conversation. Brooke went through Phoebe's hair and loved that their girls cared that much for each other and were five years apart and in totally different stages of growing up. "I wanted to give it to you. Maybe it brings you luck.", Phoebe took the cloverleaf in Sam's hand and then looked back at Brooke and Sam and hoped that she could stay with them.
"Thank you.", Sam said but knew that she could not talk that free with Phoebe in one room; she loved Phoebe very much but lately she really realized that Phoebe was eleven and not sixteen. There were many things they could do together and enjoyed doing together but there was also stuff that Phoebe did not really understand. Although she knew everything about sex, Phoebe was far away from even considering having it while Sam definitely was not.
Of course Brooke knew that Sam would not be able to open up totally with Phoebe in one room, "That's very nice of you. But could you give Sam and me some time please? We need to talk a little. Alone."
Phoebe was a little shocked that Brooke said that; she really wanted to help Sam too and could not understand that she was not allowed to be with them, "Can't I talk with you too? Maybe I can help as well?", she suggested.
"That's really sweet of you but it's a grown-ups talk and I want to spend some time with Sam alone.", of course Brooke knew that that hurt Phoebe a little. They had talked a lot to the therapist about Phoebe and the whole family but especially about her tantrums that were still there. The therapist was amazed by Julian and Brooke's strength and knew that Phoebe was in right hands. Nevertheless it was hard dealing with her outbursts; they knew where they came from but sometimes she had them over little things. But the therapist had also told them that they should not feed the drama and sometimes just ignore those outburst if it was possible and punish her, even if they felt guilty and pity because of her past. And the therapist had told Sam that it was normal to be annoyed by Phoebe at times and that Sam was still their child as well and that she must not feel guilty or take care of Phoebe all the time.
Now Brooke expected an outburst but Phoebe reacted totally calm and normal, "Oooooh. Grown-up talk. I understand. So it's about sex.", Phoebe laughed and then pointed at Sam in shock "Did you two have sex?"
Sam blushed immediately and rolled her eyes. "Phoebe!", she said and Phoebe jumped down from the bed. She got the message that she was not welcome in this room right now.
"Fine. Fine. I don't want to talk about sex anyway. But don't get pregnant. I don't want a screaming baby at home."
Brooke and Sam laughed at that comment, "Don't worry. One is enough.", Sam smirked.
"Huh?", Phoebe asked confused but then saw Sam and Brooke's big smiles, "I am not a baby.", she protested and then went to Brooke and looked down at her. "You help my sister okay!"
Brooke nodded and went through her hair. Sometimes Phoebe was just too silly, "And you tell her about your stupid fears.", she was still remembering that Sam feared that they would not adopt her and she hoped that Sam would finally loose those fears. She hated to see Sam that sad.
"I go out and do something fun, I could paint the fence with Julian or I could sketch a little or I could watch TV or…", they realized that Phoebe talked and talked to stay in the room. Fortunately Julian came inside and looked at the three of them and immediately knew that Phoebe kind of annoyed them a little.
"Gimme a hug and then get out.", Brooke grinned and Phoebe ran back to them and hugged her tightly with a wide smile.
"Me too.", Sam said and received a warm hug as well.
Julian took his hand on her head and pulled her outside a little. "I am going, I am going. They wanna talk about boys. I don't even like boys any more.", she said and made all of them smile and roll their eyes.
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Brooke took a deep breath, "Finally alone.", she laughed and Sam laughed with her. "What did Phoebe mean with your stupid fears?", Brooke had a theory but did not want to push Sam into anything. Suddenly Sam's mobile rang and she took it into her hand.
"Hey, Rachel. Yeah sorry. I am busy. I am with my moo…with Brooke.", Sam hoped that Brooke had not heard her hesitation but of course Brooke immediately got it. It was so good to hear Phoebe calling them mom and dad but they sensed that it was not that easy for Sam. But it was not easy for Brooke and Julian either. The last time they had asked Sam, she wanted to live with her birth mother. They thought that maybe they had pushed her too much and did not want to make any mistake this time. Sam meant too much to them.
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Julian and Phoebe were still painting the fence and singing happily. Nevertheless Phoebe could not stop thinking about Sam. "She's in good hands with Brooke.", Julian whispered and made Phoebe stop painting for a moment.
"I know…um…You love Sam, right?", Phoebe did not really know why she asked that and just waited for the answer.
"Of course I do. As much as I love you.", Julian answered honestly and heard Phoebe taking a deep breath.
"Good.", she whispered and just wished that she would be allowed to tell him about Sam's fear.
"Does she feel like we don't love her?", Julian asked shocked and could see the hesitation on Phoebe's face.
"Um…no…", Phoebe stuttered and hoped that he would not ask further.
"Why did you ask me that question Phoebe?", he was a little more worried now and could see that Phoebe was struggling with finding the right words.
"I don't know. I just wanted to know it. When you love someone you want her as your child, right? I mean, if it's not your biological child any way.", she stopped talking further when she realized that she almost told Sam's secret.
"Phoebe! Did you and Sam talk about an adoption?", Phoebe's brush fell to the floor and she did not dare to look up at him.
"Um…no…I mean…I promised not to tell anything.", Phoebe held her hand in front of her mouth.
"Does Sam want to be adopted?", Phoebe nodded guiltily.
"But…but she's afraid that you won't do it and she feels this insecure for a while now and I told her that you would do it one day but she did not want you to know and…Oh no. She will hate me that I told you. Please don't tell her!", Phoebe pleaded and Julian smiled down at her and nodded.
"Did you talk a lot about it?", Julian asked worried and curiously in the mean time.
"Not that much but she was sad because she did not know whether you wanted to adopt her and I always told her that you would but she said that it was different with me because I am Brooke's sister and don't need to be adopted. Please adopt her.", Phoebe took her arm around his waist and held him tight, "I really want Sam to be happy." Julian went through her hair and smiled softly. He was always amazed how close Sam and Phoebe were. They could fight about stupid little things but when it came to their happiness the other one would do anything to help her sister.
"Will you?", Phoebe looked up at him a little unsure.
"Of course Phoebe. We've been thinking about it for a while now. There is no doubt.", Julian answered honestly. Phoebe jumped up in joy.
"Would it be all right if you stay outside for a minute. I think Brooke and I need to talk alone to Sam now.", Julian went to his knees and looked into Phoebe's eyes. Phoebe rolled her eyes and let herself fall to the ground with a loud moan.
"Fiiiiiiiiiiine.", she did not really like to be pushed away again but if this was going to help Sam then she would agree. "Then I am finishing the fence on my own.", she went took the brush again and started painting.
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"Sam. What is wrong honey?", Sam cried into her hands. She did not want to cry now but everything was a little too much right now. They heard the soft knock on the door. Brooke immediately said harshly, "Not now Phoebe.", but then the door opened and Julian peeked into the room. He closed it again behind him and went to the bed besides Sam. He took his arm around his oldest daughter as well and then started to talk.
"Sam. There is something we would like to ask you.", Brooke looked shocked at him. She was not sure whether this was the right moment. Sam was emotionally not feeling well and she did not want to push her into anything.
"Phoebe told you?", Sam immediately looked up and then ran to her door. "I don't want you to adopt me because you feel pity.", she screamed at them very frustrated and left them shocked on the bed.
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Sam stood in front of Phoebe who had the paint in her hand and very much color on her own body. Phoebe smiled up at Sam but her smile immediately faded when she saw how mad Sam looked.
"What happened?", she asked naïve.
"You promised me not to tell anyone!", Sam screamed down at Phoebe with such a force that Phoebe shivered.
"I…", Phoebe did not know what to answer. She had never seen Sam that angry and thought that she would come out very happy after hearing such good news. But obviously not.
"What I? Did I keep your secrets or not?"
"Yes but…"
"There is no but Phoebe. I asked you one thing and you cannot keep it to yourself?", Phoebe looked totally shocked up at the bigger girl. Sam knew that she was overreacting but sometimes she could not stop.
"I am sorry. It was not on purpose. It just slipped.", the first tears came out of Phoebe's eyes and she wiped them away.
"You don't let anything like that slip out of your mouth.", Sam said furiously and still screamed at the younger one.
"I know. It was not on purpose.", Phoebe tried to defend herself but felt guilty in the mean time. The tears were streaming down her face. She had thought of that secret as stupid for a long time and kind of was glad that it slipped out of her mouth.
"I don't care whether on purpose or not. I won't tell you anything any more."
"Stop screaming at me. You know what. I am happy that I told it because your fears are stupid.", Phoebe was getting in a defensive modus but it only ended in making Sam even madder.
"It's none of your business.", Sam screamed down at her while Phoebe crossed her arms.
"Yes it is. Because I don't like seeing you sad. They will adopt you and you know it.", Phoebe screamed back.
"You know nothing.", Sam answered madly and wanted to run inside again when she felt something cold on her back. She looked down at it and saw her favorite shirt colored in blue and Phoebe holding the half empty bottle. "You did not do that!", she looked madly at her younger sister.
"Yes I did and I may be younger but I know things.", Phoebe screamed back at her but immediately let the bottle fall to the ground when Sam chased her. "Noooo. Leave me alone", she screamed and knew that Sam was stronger. Phoebe tried to get away from Sam but Sam caught her and pulled her to the bottle and emptied it over her head. Her hair was now half blue and she looked shocked up at Sam.
"You asshole.", she screamed and pushed Sam to the ground but Sam was stronger again and soon she was pinned under her. Phoebe bit Sam in her arm to get free. Not too hard but nevertheless it hurt Sam. It was not the first time that they fought like this and fortunately both of them would never hurt the other one too much.
"Ow. Are you nuts Phoebe?", Sam let go of her and just pushed Phoebe a little back. She did not intend to push her that hard but Phoebe landed in their little lake with all of her clothes on.
Phoebe looked furiously and in disbelief up at Sam and was glad that she could stand in the water. She was somewhere between crying and being totally mad. "You bitch.", she screamed and took some mud to throw it at Sam.
"I would not do that!", Sam pointed at her but Phoebe stuck out her tongue and threw it at Sam and then wanted to get out of the lake. But Sam threw her inside again and again. Finally Phoebe got very frustrated, "Let me out", she whined and screamed when a frog was on her shoulder. Sam and Phoebe could be inseparable but there were times that the two of them could fight very much. Normally Sam was the one giving up but today was not her day and somehow she needed to let out her anger.
"No. Say you're sorry.", Sam said harsh and stood above her with her arms crossed. Sam did not really know what she wanted from Phoebe. She was just mad that Phoebe had told Julian about her fears although she had pleaded her not to do so.
"I already said I was you idiot but I am not any more because now I am happy I spilled it.", Phoebe used to curse every time she was really mad and now Sam was definitely making her mad. She tried to get out again but Sam pushed her inside again.
"Let me ooooooout.", Phoebe caught Sam's leg and made her fall into the lake as well. Unfortunately Sam was not prepared for the fall and accidently kicked Phoebe with her knee on the forehead and landed on top of her, which ended in ducking her under the water. Phoebe was shocked and drank a lot of water in the process. She coughed when she surfaced again and touched her forehead in pain.
"You stupid bitch.", she screamed and took some mud and threw it into Sam's face. Sam immediately felt the earth in her eyes and tried to rub it away and looked shocked at Phoebe. Somehow their little fight was getting out of control and Sam wanted to catch her but Phoebe jumped out of the lake fast. Immediately Sam grabbed her feet and made her fall to the ground. Of course Phoebe screamed, "Nooooooo." when she saw a long worm in the older girl's hand. Sam knew that Phoebe hated worms. She tried to get free and accidently hit Sam with her shoe against the mouth. Sam held her mouth in pain and could see the little blood on her finger.
"I am sorry. I did not mean…", Phoebe apologized but Sam jumped out of the lake as well and tackled Phoebe to the ground and then took the worm and put it into Phoebe's shirt.
"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.", Phoebe screamed very loud and tried to get it off of her stomach but Sam held her hands to the ground. "Get it off of me. Get it off.", Phoebe screamed in panic and tried to get free. But Sam was far away from letting her go. Instead of taking the worm off of her she put it into Phoebe's short. Phoebe started to cry and Sam let go of her little sister, who immediately jumped up and took off her short and shirt in panic. Phoebe wiped a tear and looked very furiously at Sam while she was standing in front of her-only in her underwear.
"It's just a worm.", Sam rolled her eyes and thought that Phoebe was exaggerating. Phoebe's hair and face was still a bit blue from the paint.
"Fuck you.", Phoebe answered madly.
"You are not allowed to curse.", Sam teased Phoebe and took the worm again and laughed at Phoebe who ran away in panic. Sometimes when they fought one could not really know whether the two of them still knew why they were fighting at all.
"Sam. No. Stoooooop", Phoebe screamed when Sam was getting closer with the worm and a smirk on her face. Sometimes it seemed like Sam enjoyed teasing Phoebe. Phoebe immediately took wet mud and threw it into Sam's face with all her force.
"Wrong move Phoebe.", Sam let the worm free again and started running real fast after the shorter girl.
"Leeeeave me alone.", Phoebe screamed but Sam tackled her into some bushes. "Oooooooooow.", Phoebe could not believe that Sam was not giving up. "Let me gooooo…", she tried to get free but Sam was just lying on top of her with all her weight. She kicked around with her legs but it was no use. Finally Phoebe gave up and just started to cry.
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"Sam! Get off of her.", Sam turned around and saw Julian and Brooke coming towards them. It was then Sam realized what she was doing; she used her own force against Phoebe and felt her little sister crying under her. She got up from her and looked down guiltily. Phoebe was still lying on her stomach and cried.
"I am sorry Phoebe.", Sam was a little ashamed how she had treated Phoebe and that she had reacted this way and let out everything on her. Phoebe did not look up but stayed on the ground with her face to the grass and cried into her hands.
"What the hell happened?", Brooke screamed at the two of them and looked confused from Sam to the crying Phoebe. Normally she had to say that to Phoebe but this time it looked like Sam had initiated the fight. Julian went over to Phoebe and wanted to help her up but Phoebe slapped his hand away in protest and then pointed furiously at Sam, "She started it"
"I don't care who started it. It's not okay to fight like this. Do you understand me?", Julian looked from Sam to Phoebe.
Sam just rolled her eyes, "Who threw the paint at me. Huh?"
"I only did this because you screamed at me for no reason.", Phoebe crossed her arms in front of her.
"No reason? You revealed my secret."
"Not on pooooorpuuuuse.", Phoebe screamed again very frustrated and stood up and wanted to run inside but Brooke took hold of her arm.
"This is it.", Julian took Sam by her arm and Brooke the crying Phoebe and pulled them upstairs. They started to scream at them while both of the girls had their arms crossed in front of them.
"But I did not even want to fight.", Phoebe sobbed while Sam could stay calm and pretended not to care.
"And you Samantha. You do not hit your sister.", Brooke screamed at Sam with such a force that Sam shivered.
"She's not even my sister.", Sam screamed madly back and ran into her room. Brooke followed her immediately but Sam locked the door from inside. Julian decided to stay outside with Phoebe and felt pity when he saw her shocked and sad face. He could see the worry on her face and wanted to talk to her but Phoebe just whispered that she needed some time alone. The therapist had told her that she should always try to express her feelings with words and let others know what she needed. Julian nodded and watched how Phoebe sat down at the lake and threw some stones. He could not see her tears but knew that she was crying. He could hear his wife and Sam screaming loudly inside the house. Sometimes being a family was not easy but nobody ever said that it would be.
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Sam opened her door with tears in her eyes and screamed back, "Just leave me alone." She felt so many emotions at once right now that she could not really control herself.
"No I will not Sam. You apologize immediately to Phoebe and then we will talk today. Do you understand me young miss?", Brooke was so furious how her girls had fought and although she understood why Sam acted the way she did, it was not acceptable.
"No, I won't. Old Miss.", Sam closed the door again but Brooke was faster and went in between.
"Samantha Walker. You don't talk like that to me. You go out there right now and tell your little sister that you are sorry for pushing her and you will listen to every word we are saying to you."
"Fine.", Sam stormed outside with her arms crossed and a very mad face. She walked into the garden and saw Julian sitting on a chair. She was a little confused that Phoebe was not sitting besides him and when she followed his view she saw Phoebe throwing some stones. She immediately felt very guilty when she walked over to Phoebe and saw the tears streaming down her face. Phoebe tried to wipe them but it was no use. Sam just sat down besides her and threw a stone as well. She did not feel any anger at Phoebe any more and when she wanted to take her arm around her, Phoebe just went a little further away from her. Her head was resting on her knee and she did not look up at Sam. Sam could feel how her eyes watered as well and before she could say anything Phoebe whispered, "It's okay if you don't want me as your sister.", Sam looked shocked at Phoebe whose lip was trembling.
"Phoebe I…", but Phoebe interrupted her again.
"I am not a good sister anyway.", Phoebe looked so sad that it broke Sam's heart that she had said the sentence. She had not said it to hurt Phoebe but to show Julian and Brooke that they needed to adopt her. But now her little sister thought that she did not want her as a sister. But this was not true.
"Phoebe. I did not…", Phoebe stood up and looked down at Sam with a soft smile.
"You don't need to apologize. It's okay. Really. I don't want you to pretend to think of me as a sister.", before Sam could answer, Phoebe ran into the house crying and hid in her closet. Sam stayed at the ground for a moment and looked shocked after Phoebe. Then she took a deep breath and went after her. She knocked on her door but when no one answered, she just went into the room.
"Phoebe?", she asked confused but then she heard the sobbing coming out of the closet. She knocked on the door and wanted to open it but somehow Phoebe had managed to lock herself from the inside, so she just slumped down in front of it.
"I am sorry Phoebe. I am so sorry Phoebe.", Sam cried and leaned against the door, "I want you as my sister. You already are Phoebe and it will never change. You are one of the most important persons in my life and I love you Phoebe and you are the best sister I can imagine and nothing will change that.", Sam hoped that Phoebe was listening.
"Could you open the door please?", Sam asked but Phoebe did not answer. She looked up and saw Brooke and Julian standing in front of her with a worried face. Both of them decided to stop screaming at the girls when they saw Sam's sad face and that Phoebe had locked herself.
"Honey. Could you please come out?", Brooke knocked on Phoebe's door. But Phoebe did not come out of the closet. She felt so hurt right now and did not know what to do with all her emotions. She just held tight to Rebecca's teddy bear and cried into it. It was a mixture of sadness because Sam did not want her as her sister and because Rebecca would be dead for three years soon. Sometimes it was just too much for her.
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After a while the three of them went outside and sat down on the couch. It was not the first time that Phoebe had locked herself and they knew that sometimes it was better to let her be alone for a while.
Both of them could see that Sam was feeling very guilty and she hid her head between her knees. There was no need to yell at her. Phoebe's sadness was punishing her enough.
"I am so sorry. I did not mean to say it.", Julian and Brooke stroke her back.
"We know that honey.", Brooke and Julian did not really know what to do. On the one hand they were shocked that Sam had said that to Phoebe, on the other hand they could see that Sam suffered now as well and did not want to yell at her.
"Sam, we…", Julian started but Sam immediately interrupted him.
"Why won't you ever adopt me?", Sam cried into her hands and did not dare to look up but it felt good to ask the question. Finally.
"Oh Sam. We want to adopt you. We want it so bad. But we…we did not want to push you into anything.", Brooke took Sam's hand into hers.
"Push me? I wait for it the moment I came back.", Sam revealed and tried to stop her tears.
"Sam. We love you so much and you make us very, very happy that you want us as your parents. Of course we want to adopt you.", Sam nodded and wiped a tear.
"I am sorry. I am sorry.", Sam fell into their arms, "I want you to adopt me so badly. I want to call you mom and dad."
"And we want you as our daughter Sam. There is no doubt and we always want you. Do you understand us? No matter what. You'll be our oldest daughter but you have to tell us if something is bothering you Sam. We cannot look into your head and we want to be there for you.", Sam nodded happily and hugged both of them tighter. She was happy and sad at the mean time because she knew that the younger girl that she saw as her sister was crying in a closet because of her. So Sam took a deep breath and went into Phoebe's room again. She could not hear her sobbing any more and sat down in the front of the cupboard.
"Phoebe. I am so sorry. I did not want to hurt you. Not a second…but sometimes I say stupid stuff I don't mean. You are my little sister pumpkin. I just…you know I was a little mad that our parents never said anything about an adoption and you know why I wanted it so bad?", Sam hoped that Phoebe would answer her because she did not know what else to do, "I want it so bad because I want you as my sister officially. It won't change any feelings because I already am your sister and you are mine but somehow I want it on paper. And guess what. I am going to be adopted. They wanted it the whole time. You were right and I am sorry I yelled at you. You were so right that I should have told them from the beginning.", Sam took a deep breath. "Please open the closet Phoebe."
After a while she heard how Phoebe unlocked it but she did not open the door, so Sam stood up and pulled it open. It broke her heart to see Phoebe hugging Rebecca's teddy bear very tight as if she was afraid to let it go. She did not cry loudly but the tears were still streaming down her face. Sam took Phoebe's hand into hers and was relieved that Phoebe did not pull it back. She looked at the small hand in hers and held it tight.
"Please don't be mad at me Phoebe.", Sam sobbed and squeezed her hand, "I am really sorry."
"I am not mad.", Phoebe whispered but still did not look up and held her bear extremely tight. Somehow Sam preferred if Phoebe would be mad instead of hurt. It was easier to deal with a mad one than a hurt one. So Sam went into the cupboard as well and took her arms around Phoebe. "I love you Phoebe."
"I love you too.", Phoebe whispered and started to cry loudly again. She really tried not to cry but she lost the fight.
"And you'll be my sister forever.", Phoebe remembered the time she had said that to Rebecca. Of course Sam did not know it when she said that sentence but she realized that it made Phoebe cry even more. "Come on pumpkin.", she pulled Phoebe into her lap and both of them held each other tight.
"I am sorry Sammy. I did not want to tell your secret.", Sam realized how exhausted Phoebe was and how small in contrast to her.
"It's okay. It was good you did it because guess what, you were right and they want to adopt me.", Sam's neck was wet from Phoebe's tears. The two of them stayed like this for a while until Sam suggested getting out because it was really warm in the closet. Phoebe agreed but still held tight to Sam. Sometimes she was afraid to loose her like she had lost Rebecca. She was a person that knew that nothing lasted forever and that you could wake up one day and realize that the person you loved so much was gone. Phoebe pulled her legs around Sam's waist and did not want to let go of her. So Sam carried her into the living room where Brooke and Julian were waiting. The day was definitely a very emotional one. Brooke and Julian were so relieved to see their two daughters in each other's arms. Sam sat down on the couch with Phoebe on her lap and Brooke and Julian immediately took their arms around them and kissed their foreheads. They had tears in their eyes as well.
"You know what?", Phoebe looked up at the three and wiped her tears. The three of them shook their heads and then she smiled a little and looked at Sam.
"Technically I am your aunt and I could ground you now because you started the fight.", Sam laughed, "Oh really.", and started to tickle Phoebe.
"Okay, okay. I am your sister not aunt.", she laughed and held Sam very tight. The two girls were still wet and Phoebe only in her underwear.
"Get changed into something dry.", Julian kissed both of them on the head.
"Umm….mom?", Sam asked a little unsure.
"Of course.", Brooke answered immediately and went through Sam's hair.
Sam looked confused at her, "I did not even ask it."
"Well, you don't have to. We talk after you are dressed, okay?", she tinkered at her and Sam ran into her arms. She was so happy to have them and that Brooke understood her.
"You talk about what?", Phoebe asked curiously and Sam took her arm around her and went inside the bathroom with her.
"About stuff that's not meant for you to hear.", Sam answered with a smile while Phoebe immediately protested.
"Oh that's so mean." While Sam showered Phoebe decided to take a bath with many bubbles. They stood naked in front of each other and dried their hair and talked to each other. "Do you think I'll have breasts one day?", Phoebe touched her own breasts that were not showing a bit.
Sam smiled down at her, "Of course you'll have some. Just wait another two years."
"Two years? Everybody in my class has breasts. I am the only one who is this flat. Except of the boys. I don't want to look like a boy.", Phoebe touched her breasts and hoped that they would grow faster.
Sam always loved when Phoebe told her about her thoughts and looked for advice, "It's normal Phoebe. I was flat in your age as well."
Phoebe nodded and hoped that it was true. "And I want to have my period."
"Oh trust me. There's nothing special about having your period. For me it only means stomachache.", Sam took her bra and underwear and got dressed. Phoebe got dressed as well and both of them went outside. Brooke and Julian were kissing on the couch. It had been a very emotional day and they were happy that finally everything was calming down again.
"Ewwww. Stop that.", Phoebe jumped onto Julian's back and tore them apart. It was really interesting how fast their emotions could change. Sam came towards them as well and sat down on the couch totally exhausted. She leaned a little against Julian and when he took his arm around her, she started to cry into it again. Phoebe stood in front of them and looked confused at her.
"What happened Sammy? Did I hurt you?", Brooke took her youngest daughter's hand and pulled her onto her lap and held her tight as well.
"Those are happy tears, right?", Brooke stroke Sam's back and Sam immediately nodded and was glad to see some tears in Julian and Brooke's eyes as well.
"Oh god. I haven't cried so much in one day in my whole life.", Sam dried her tears after some minutes and felt very safe with Julian's arm around her and Brooke's as well.
"Sam. Please! You need to tell us if something that big is bothering you. We are here to help you and we love you so much.", Brooke went through her hair and looked into her big eyes. Sam took a deep breath and finally nodded. She knew that Brooke was not lying and it was the best feeling ever to have so much support.
"And it's the same with you honey.", Brooke kissed Phoebe's cheek and Phoebe nodded as well.
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Finally Brooke and Julian looked at each other with a smile when they heard a specific song in the radio. Brooke immediately pushed Phoebe down of her lap and turned it louder. Julian jumped up as well and both of them started to dance real funny. Phoebe and Sam looked shocked up at them and did not know what to say.
"Why the hell are you dancing like that?"
"This song made an amazing man fall in love with me!", Brooke smiled happily and kissed Julian on the mouth. Julian nodded and continued shaking his legs.
"Oh my god. This is so embarrassing. Don't you dare doing that in front of any of my friends.", Brooke and Julian did not listen and just threw a pillow in Sam's face.
"Oh shit Phoebe. Our parents are so embarrassing.", Phoebe looked at Sam with a grimace and nodded. "Let's go.", Sam held out her hand and they wanted to leave the embarrassing moment but Brooke and Julian went after them and pulled them to them and held them tight and continued dancing.
"Nooooo", the girls complained but finally they lay on the floor with Brooke and Julian on top of them and kissing their cheeks over and over again.
"Shit.", Julian looked at his and jumped up, "I am sorry but I have to make an important phone call." His three girls nodded.
"So, a mother-daughter conversation.", Brooke sat down on the couch and Sam nodded while Phoebe looked away and wanted to go to her room. "Where are you going?", Brooke asked a little perplex and took Phoebe's hand and saw that the tears were coming up again. Phoebe was definitely very fast close to tears today and all of them knew that Rebecca's date of death had much to do with it.
"I go to my room, so you can talk.", Phoebe sobbed but Brooke held her hand tight.
"I correct it. Mother-daughters talk.", she pulled Phoebe on the couch as well and shrieked when Phoebe slung her arm around her neck and cried. "What is it honey?"
Sam felt pity with Phoebe and stroke her back.
"I am not your daughter. And I will never be.", Phoebe revealed her worry, "I am your sister."
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Julian heard Phoebe crying again and decided to postpone the business talk. His family was his first priority and he wanted to show everyone that he was there for them. "Phoebe. We want to adopt you too but…", Julian started but Phoebe interrupted him.
"It's not possible.", she continued crying but Brooke took her hands around her cheeks and shook her head.
"It is possible but we need Victoria's signature. She won't give it to us yet but we will try anything to get it. We want to adopt you too Phoebe. You are our daughter as well and now let us all stop crying, okay?", Brooke kissed her tears away and Phoebe nodded and took her head on Brooke's chest. She needed her mother now. After some minutes Phoebe took Sam's hand and lay it down in Brooke's.
"You can talk now.", she smiled and jumped down from her mother's lap. "But if you need some good advice you can always ask me." Brooke squeezed Sam's hand and they walked into Sam's room. But before Sam sat down as well, she ran outside again and hugged Phoebe from behind.
"I have an apology-present for you.", Phoebe nodded excited, "How about a sisters' day this week? Just the two of us. No Ben, no mom or dad? I would really like to do something fun with you." Sam whispered into her ear.
"Maybe we could go to the cinema or theatre?", Phoebe immediately answered excited.
"Yes, definitely little sister.", Sam kissed her forehead and was relieved that Phoebe liked her idea.
"Cool big sister.", Phoebe answered and sat down on the couch again. Phoebe just looked after Sam and whined a little, "It's mean dad."
"What?", Julian loved being called dad and was glad that all of them were in a better mood now.
"That Sam is older and you allow her more and that I am not allowed to listen to their conversation."
"Well. That's life kiddo.", Julian went through her hair and walked to Ben's door. He was worried because he did not come out of his room at all for the while time. He then knocked at Ben's door. Ben was sitting on his bed and looked a little sad, "Hey buddy. Don't you wanna come out and join us?", he asked. Ben hesitated a moment but then nodded. It was their first fight and he did not know what to do and felt miserable. "How about a boys' day? Nathan and I wanted to throw some balls without women?", Ben immediately smiled and nodded.
"And what is with me? I am not allowed to be with Sam and Brooke and not with you, because I am not a boy. That's mean.", Phoebe crossed her arms and sat down on the floor.
"Oh. You have way better plans today with Haley and Lisa."
"You just all want me gone and deliver me to them.", Phoebe whined again.
"Okay, so you don't want to go to the zoo with them.", Julian pretended to take the phone and call Haley but Phoebe snapped it away.
"I've never been to the zoo and I read that there is a baby elephant. I love elephants.", she ran right into Sam's room again but then apologized, "Sorry, sorry.", she went outside again and knocked.
"Yeah.", Sam said a little annoyed and Brooke and her looked at Phoebe who had a wide smile on her face.
"I just wanted to tell you that I am going to the zoo with Haley and Lisa and…and if you are done talking about grown-ups stuff you could come and maybe join us."
"We will talk a little longer but have fun.", Brooke said back.
"Okay. But by the way Sam is not a grown-up. Technically she's a teenager, so this is not really a grown-up talk and I could stay.", Phoebe teased them.
"Well, miss-know-it-all, then it's a grown-up and teenager's talk and you are neither a teenager nor a grown-up", Brooke answered back with her arm around Sam and saw how Phoebe tried to think of an answer.
"Fine! I will leave you two alone. I hope you feel better later Sam.", Phoebe added and closed the door and ran into her room to change into something special for the zoo.
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"Finally alone.", Brooke said when she heard the door getting closed and knew that Phoebe and Julian were gone. "So, will you tell me what is bothering you as well?"
Sam took a deep breath and then started talking, "I…well, I have those strong feelings for Ben and sometimes it really scares me, you know?"
Brooke could totally understand that, "Oh yes. It scared the hell out of me as well when I had those feelings for the first time but it's a good feeling, right? And it just shows you how much he means to you." Brooke realized that Sam was not the fourteen-year-old girl any more and she remembered how she had found Jack and Sam in one room and had been past fury. The Sam besides her was not the fourteen-year-old girl any more. She saw a very beautiful young woman.
Sam nodded and felt safe to talk to Brooke about anything. Those were the talks she had missed so much and loved, "Yes. He really means a lot to me but…sometimes he acts so weird and it feels like…I don't know…although I know that he likes me a lot he sometimes seems to push me away."
"How does he push you away honey? All I see is him staring at you with an adorable smile and hugging you to death.", Brooke smiled at Sam and went through her hair. Sam hesitated a moment. She knew that she could talk to Brooke about almost everything but when it came to the sex theme mothers sometimes forgot how they were at this age and overreacted. Brooke saw her hesitation and jumped up in shock.
"Don't tell me that you two had sex Sam. You are far too young to have sex at this age and you'll be in a lot of trouble.", Sam burst out into laughing. It was such a good feeling having a mother that cared for you. She had a huge grin on her face and went outside the room with a slightly hysterical Brooke.
"Samantha. Don't you walk away on me now.", Brooke walked after her and was glad that they were alone. Sam sat down on the couch and could not stop smiling.
"So?", Brooke asked with crossed arms and Sam rolled her eyes.
"Mom. That's embarrassing.", she whined.
"I don't care whether it's embarrassing. I don't want to be a grandma soon and you two are not allowed to have sex. Do you know everything about protection? Did you use a condom? Please tell me you did.", Sam took a pillow in front of her face. Her whole face was blushing.
"Moooom. Stop.", Sam whined and Brooke sat down besides her and took the pillow away. "We did not have sex, okay."
"Thank god.", Brooke hugged Sam and then looked at her again and raised an eyebrow, "Oh my god but you almost had. Where? When? We forbid you to sleep in one bed Sam. I cannot believe it."
"Stop it.", Sam's face was even redder than before.
"So you don't consider it?", Brooke asked slowly but saw Sam's face., "Sam. You are sixteen. It's too early and I won't allow it."
"How old where you when you had your first time?", Sam defended herself and smirked at Brooke's shocked face.
"That's not the point young miss."
"Yes it is, old miss.", Brooke realized again how much older Sam was than Phoebe. She took a deep breath and tried to understand Sam. Of course she remembered how she had been at that age but she wanted Sam to wait for at least another two years. "I am not proud of it Sam and you know it. I lost my virginity way too young and to someone I did not even know that well."
"I assumed it was Lucas?", Sam asked a little confused.
"No. It was a college guy and I just turned fifteen and did not even tell him my age or that I was a virgin. I just don't want you to make the same mistakes I did. You cannot take any of those back."
Sam loved it when Brooke told something about her past, "But Ben is not some college guy and I really trust him."
"Yes and I trust him with you as well and that really means a lot but it's too early. You should wait for at least two more years."
"So you would be okay with it when I am eighteen?", Sam grinned at Brooke who did not know what to answer. She would not be okay then either. "Ha! That's what I thought."
"Fine. I am sorry. But I am your mother and it's normal to feel this way.", Brooke cuddled closer to Sam who smiled proudly.
"I love you saying it"
"What?"
"That you're my mother.", Sam revealed.
"I am your mother, mother, mother, mother, mother.", Brooke pinned Sam down and kissed her cheek over and over again while Sam giggled. "And I love my oldest daughter so much that I want the best for her."
"So what if sex with Ben would be the best for me?", Brooke's mouth stood open.
"Well that's what you think. Not me.", Brooke sat down again and took a deep breath, "No sleeping in one bed. Do you understand me? And trust me if I catch you two you'll be in so much trouble.", she pointed at her oldest daughter who nodded with a smile.
"Does it hurt this much the first time?", Sam asked a little unsure but felt safe in Brooke's arms.
"Well, it hurts a little in the beginning but you just let the boy know it and then he can be a little softer and after a while it won't hurt any more. And it's important to have the right boy.", Brooke answered honestly.
"Do you think Ben is the right one for me?"
"Well, I can only say, that I really like Ben a lot and I see a brave and handsome man that cares a lot for his loved ones. But I cannot answer the question, only you can. Do you think he is the right one for you?"
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"Family faces are magic mirrors looking at people who belong to us, we see the past, present, and future."
*Gail Lumet Buckley