Professor Baula's green eyes scanned over the four members of Team Taupe as he pulled out the same orange folder from the other day and placed it upon his desk. His office was unusually dim, mostly due to the fact that for some incomprehensible reason he had shut the lights off and pushed a stack of cardboard boxes labeled "Maps Misc." against the window meaning all the light in the room was emanating off of a small desk lamp. The Professor cleared his throat as he stroked his index finger against the folder, a little too sensually.
"I am very glad that all of you chose to join me on this operation. So let's-"
"You really gave us no other options so it's much less us choosing to join you and more us making the least horrible decision. Honestly, this is borderline blackmail and we should really be taking this to Professor Ozpin." Ty said flatly as he stared at Professor Baula with disdain.
The Professor gave a soft sigh and reclined back in his chair. "You are… by far one of the most self-absorbed students I have ever met, and I've worked here for six years… I just thought I'd let you know that. Anyways, so- Mr. Noire," Baula stopped again as he stared at Automne, who was sitting in his chair silently staring through Professor Baula. "Why do you look so pale?"
"Oh," Automne slurred as he sprang to life. "It's-it's nothing. There was just- an accident, kind of, and I, uh, got stabbed in the heart." Eve shifted uncomfortably in her chair. "N-no worries or anything… I had a blood transfusion-thing and I'm good now." Automne finished with a forced and awkward thumbs-up as he slurred and sputtered out his explanation.
The Professor blinked a couple times in response before leaning forward against his desk and running a hand through his hair. "Alright then… So, now that… that is out of the way, let's get started." The Professor said grandiosely as he poked his fingers into the folder and pulled out a thin stack of papers.
"About two months ago someone stole the Head Chairman's chips."
Everyone stared at the Professor in complete befuddlement.
"What?"
"Chips," The Professor clarified as though he saw absolutely no issue with what he just said. "Sliced, salted, baked potato chips. Occasionally seasoned and-"
"Yeah, yeah, we know what chips are, but why the hell is this important?" Ty stressed with raised eyebrows.
"What kind of chips were they?" Eve asked politely.
"I hear they were barbecue."
"Oh, well if they were barbecue." Petunia sarcastically quipped as Automne swayed in his chair a bit.
"Look, I'm getting to the important part."
"The chips aren't important?" A completely surprised Eve asked as she placed a hand on Automne's shoulder to prevent him from swaying.
"They're not very important. Now, it was later discovered that the chips were stolen by a recon pilot by the name of Smithyson."
"This is the stupidest briefing I've ever heard and that's the stupidest name I've ever heard." Ty interrupted tiredly
"Shut up, anyways, Smithyson was recently engaged to the daughter of another politician so there was no chance for the Chairman to discharge Smithyson."
"How is this important?!" Ty shouted as an utterly bored Petunia and a completely absorbed Eve stared on while Automne sat slumped back in his chair.
"Do you want to get expelled? Because I can send that paperwork through right now."
Ty gave a heavy groan and began to murmur under his breath.
The Professor glared at him for a moment. "Alright… So what ended up happening is the Chairman increased the range of Smithyson's patrol routes as a punishment and Smithyson ended up discovering what appears to be a small, unlicensed, undocumented organization holding up in an abandoned weather station two hours east of Vale."
Ty stared at the Professor, completely perplexed "Why didn't you just start there?"
"To build context." Baula said with a large grin "Now then, while the identity of the organization still remains a mystery, further reconnaissance has revealed that the group is armed with military-grade weaponry and appears to be in possession of illegally obtained weapons and Dust which we believe they are intending to sell on the black market. So, after some executive decisions and a few back-and-forths it was decided that a small, covert team be sent in to find the weapons and Dust, and destroy them along with the station after performing some quick sleuthing to discover what they can about the squatters." Professor Baula finished with a smile as he reclined back in his chair, placing his boots onto his desk and pushing the papers towards the slightly awe-struck, but mostly confused, team.
Ty's eyes darted to the papers, "So why are we doing this? This operation sounds like something a qualified team of Huntsmen should be doing." His eyebrows arched as he tried to dig his eyes into Professor Baula.
The Professor met Ty's gaze for a moment before rolling his eyes and giving a heavy sigh. "And there lies the issue. The station legally doesn't belong to the kingdom of Vale. The founder of the station was a legal citizen of Vacuo and the station was built in a period where things like land rights weren't regulated very well." Professor Baula gave a heavy groan. "So, right now there's a bit of a dispute over which Kingdom technically owns the land. And since sending in a team of Huntsmen is a government regulated action there's nothing either kingdom can do until this dispute is settled."
A broad grin crossed the Professor's lips as he scooted forward in his chair and pointed a finger at Ty. "However, you four aren't huntsmen, you're just students. So if you four just happen to go unaccounted for a few hours while I go out to 'examine the station' from the air we can waltz right past the bureaucrats and politicians and clear out the squatters in no time."
"Hold on, if no one can get involved, why are you allowed to examine the station?" Ty said skeptically as he nudged forward in his seat.
"Because, Mr. Inuhoozuki, I am Beacon's expert Cartographer and this dispute has graciously been passed down to me for my 'expert opinion'." The Professor stressed with air quotes as he ran his hand over the documents again.
Petunia blinked a few times, "Cartographer? What does-"
"It means he's good with maps." Automne said listlessly from a slouched position in his chair.
"What, so basically you're a GPS?" Petunia scoffed as she raised an eyebrow at the Professor.
The Professor chuckled a bit. "Ms. Kapelle, knowing the lay of the land has always been the first step to winning a war." He said with a large smile as he sat up in his chair proudly. "As for legal disputes though… Eh, I guess my skills aren't completely wasted on those."
"May I see those files?" Ty said suddenly as he held his hand out to the Professor.
Baula paused for a moment as he glanced down at the file. "I suppose so." He muttered almost unconfidently as he lifted the papers and passed them to Ty who quickly snatched them away.
Ty's eyes scanned over the papers rapidly as the others looked on disinterestedly.
"Anyways, we don't know the exact location of the weapons cache, but after looking over some old blueprints I was able to find the location of what appears to be the station's security office. If we can get into that office we can gain access to the station's security cameras and locate the cache in a matter of minutes."
"Okay, what the hell?" Ty erupted as he frowned at the documents, the corners crinkling loudly as he held them in an almost vice like grip.
Baula gave a heavy sigh and pinched the bridge of his nose while muttering something under his breath. "Is something wrong?"
"Hell yeah something's wrong, these documents say almost nothing about your squatters. No definite number of how many, no models of the weapons they're using and certainly nothing about how large this cache is supposed to be or if it's even still there."
"Alright, calm down." The Professor urged as he held his hands up defensively. "First off, we need not worry about their numbers because this mission is one-hundred percent stealth and if all goes according to plan then we should only be dealing with less than a dozen or so. As for the cache, it's there."
"How do we know that?" Ty said, glowering at the Professor.
Baula looked around between the four of them before giving a small sigh. "It's mostly speculation."
Ty and Petunia gave a simultaneous groan.
"You're sending us on a suicide mission." Ty raved as he got out of his seat and headed for the door.
"Yeah, that's fine, not like we should know what we're up against or anything." Petunia moaned as she crossed her arms and slouched back in her chair.
"Alright, that's enough." The Professor quickly rose up out of his chair and slammed his hands against his desk. "Mr. Inuhoozuki, sit down now, or I will order your arrest for compromising a classified Government operation." Ty turned on the ball of his heel and glared back at the Professor from across the dark office.
"Do it, bitch." Ty said defiantly as he stared back at the Professor, spite visible in the very way he stood. Stark silence quickly filled the room as they stared each other down.
"Y'know… I just want to point out that I'm completely fine with what's been said so far." Automne slurred from the floor, due to the fact that he slid out of his chair at some point in the conversation.
"Ty," Eve said sweetly as she turned in her chair to look over at her leader. "Can you please listen to what the Professor has to say?"
The room went silent as time slowly ticked by. Ty's glasses shimmering slightly as he lowered his gaze to the floor. He slowly began to walk back towards his chair. "Fine, but if I hear one more ounce of crap I'm leaving."
Eve gave him a small smile as he dropped back into his seat, "Thank you."
Professor Baula swept his gaze across the three of them, he couldn't actually see Automne though because he was still on the ground, and gave them a stern yet reassuring nod. "Since we don't know the exact location of the cache Ms. Kapelle, Ms. Howlite, and Mr. Noire will be inserted onto the rooftop after we experience some 'technical difficulties' that will drop us off the radar. You three will then make your way into the security office by dropping down through the air ducts."
"Why would we go through the air ducts? That's just stupid." Petunia remarked as she wiped her shoes on Automne's pants.
"Because no one ever expects people to come through the air ducts."
"Yeah, well they'd never expect us to raise an army of butterflies and attack the place wearing cardboard boxes on our heads, but that doesn't make it any less stupid."
The Professor buried his face in his hands. "I'm honestly regretting selecting you four for this mission."
"I found a bagel down here." Automne cheerfully called out from the floor.
"From this point on I'm just going to ignore anything any of you say until I'm finished. Anyways after you break into the security office, remove any opposition and take control of the cameras. Mr. Inuhoozuki and I will enter the building from a structural weakness on the ground floor. The two of us will then work our way through the building to the cache while placing explosives along the way."
There was a brief pause as the members of Team Taupe looked between each other skeptically.
"Then?" Ty started as he gestured the Professor to go on.
"Then we egress, come back here and pretend like none of this ever happened."
"Are you serious?" Ty's eyebrows furrowed as he looked around the room.
"Yes, I am."
Ty threw his arms up into the air. "Then what the hell was with all the context? Why even go into detail? This mission sounds like it can be done in twenty minutes."
"It's been estimated to be about thirty minutes, but on the bright side none of you have to worry about this mission for long because we are going to be completing this operation tonight. You all have thirty minutes to prep and meet me out at landing pad number three. The operation will commence in roughly one hour."
"Are you serious?!"
"Oh shit!"
"What?!"
"You know, the floor is actually really comfortable when you get used to it… Hey, is this my exam?"
"Professor Baula," Petunia shouted in an uproar as Ty stormed off and Eve stared on in horror. "Please tell us this is some kind of joke!"
The Professor gave a soft chuckle. "Don't worry, it is." The members of Team Taupe stopped for a second and glared at the Professor indignantly. "You have forty-five minutes to prep, not thirty."
Automne gave a heavy sigh. "Well, that's just great… I really thought I got number nine right- Oww!" He shouted in pain as Petunia kicked him.
"You. Stupid. Idiot. This. Is. Your. Fault!" Petunia shouted in intervals as she slammed Automne's head against his own locker.
"No- oww- it- oww– isn't- oww- bitch!" He responded.
"Petunia, can you please stop." Eve asked politely as she pulled a small medical kit and a whetstone from her locker a few feet away. "Automne isn't feeling well and we really shouldn't exacerbate his condition."
Petunia gave a loud groan, rolled her eyes and tossed him against his locker. "Like it really matters; in a few hours we're going to be dead anyways."
"Petunia, I'm certain that Professor Baula will get us through this operation without any issues." Eve said with a small cheerful smile as she walked over to Automne, clasped her hands together and began to release her soothing mist.
Automne breathed a sigh of relief and sat back next to the foot of his locker. "Thanks, Eve, I think I'm good."
"Are you sure? I can keep going if you want." She said with a polite, but concerned smile as her breathing grew heavy.
"Yeah, I'm good."
"Eve, don't heal him." Ty called out as he shoved a magazine into a small handgun. "If we're going to die I want him to die first."
"For the last time, we are not going to die." Automne stressed as he got to his feet and pulled open his locker, which now sported a very detailed imprint of his face formed entirely from his facial grease and sweat.
"Said the bitch." Ty retorted as he put the handgun into a holster on his ankle.
Automne simply rolled his eyes and flipped his middle finger up at Ty. He didn't let the gesture waver though he held his middle finger out long and proud as he rummaged through his locker.
"Automne, don't do that." Eve implored as she sat down on a bench and ran her whetstone over the blade of her naginata.
"Why, Eve, I have no idea what you are referring to." Sarcasm heavy in his voice as he swirled his middle finger in small circles. He held his finger out for a few more minutes to add some extra emphasis until Petunia ran up and shoved him into his locker.
Eve gave a gasp and Ty and Petunia watched on with large smirks while Automne struggled in his locker.
"That's cool… I needed stuff from my locker anyways." Automne called out as he tried to make himself sound as nonchalant about the whole thing as possible.
Petunia gave a small grunt and kicked the locker before walking back across the room and sitting down at a bench in front of her locker. She hunched forward and rested her arms on the knees of her capris for a moment, "You know what,"
"What?" Ty said, completely uninterested in everything happening right now.
"If I'm going to die I'm going to do something that I've always wanted to do." Petunia said with a burning passion as she raised her head up high.
"This sounds like it's going to be stupid." Automne's muffled voice called out from the locker.
"Automne," Eve said a bit impatiently as she tried to deduce the combination to his locker. "We should really hear her out. If it's something she's really passionate about we shouldn't discourage her or-"
"Autoerotic asphyxiation!" Petunia shouted proudly as she jumped to her feet and began to remove her belt.
Eve gave a gasp, "Petunia, no!"
"Yo, Petunia, I'm actually completely with you on this one!" Automne enthusiastically called out from the locker.
"Sweet 'cause I need someone to make sure I don't lynch myself on a doorknob."
"Oh, is that how we're doing it? Because I kind of wanted you to choke me."
"Please, stop!" Eve called out as she shoved her hands over her ears.
"Maybe from behind, but I'm not going to stand in front of you when you finish."
"Alright that works with me. So where are we going to do this? Down here or did you want to run back up to the room real quick?"
"What the fuck are we even talking about?!" Ty shouted as he grasped at his hair.
"So, dude, do you know any good videos I could watch? Because my subscription to 'Tastiezz' expired a couple days ago." Petunia shouted as she threw her belt onto her shoulder.
"No, I was just gonna think about that girl with the green hair from our biology class. You know the one with the cowboy hat."
"Aww, yeah, she's hot."
"Because I'm happy! Clap along if you feel like a room without a roof!" Eve started singing loudly as tears began to bud in the corners of her eyes.
"This chapter is spiraling out of control!" Ty shouted as he raised his sidearm into the air in an attempt to regain control of the situation
"Aloha snack bar!" Automne shouted as he burst out of his locker with a flare in each hand
"I'll do it! Don't make me do it!" Automne threatened as he held a bottle of water over an electrical socket.
"You fool, you'll kill us all!" Petunia shouted, her belt tied around her neck like a noose.
"And victory is in a simple soul!"
"Eve, you're getting too Meta!" Automne shouted as Eve finished yet another song.
"I am the Meta!" Ty shouted as he jumped out of a locker wearing a helmet with a large gold visor.
"Beep beep. Beep beep. Beep beep."
Everyone stopped for a moment as Ty took his Scroll off of his belt and glared at the screen from behind his helmet.
"We have ten minutes to get to the landing pad." Ty said casually as he removed his helmet and tossed it across the locker room.
"Aww, and we were just about to get to the part where Macbeth talks to the witches." Automne whined as he dropped the water bottle to the floor and walked over to his locker, which had been launched into the wall at some point.
"Wait, I thought we were reenacting The Happening." Petunia said calmly as she removed her belt from around her bruised neck.
"What? Noooo." Automne remarked with a smirk as Petunia started to count the shells in her bandolier.
"I swear someone said we were doing The Happening." Petunia said skeptically as she pulled a small laptop out of her bullet riddled locker and attempted to stuff it into her jacket.
"No, no one said that… but that would explain why Lady Macbeth got killed by a tree." Automne mumbled as he pried his locker open and pulled out a small briefcase and a couple of pistol magazines.
"Come on guys, let's go." Ty said impatiently as he stood near the exit along with Eve who was holding her ridiculously large weapon in both hands down by her waist.
Petunia rolled her eyes and muttered something under her breath as she sheathed her axe on her back. "Keep your shirt on, man, we're coming."
"Bow chicka bow wow." Automne muttered with a large smirk as he shoved his magazines into a pouch on his vest and made his way over to the exit.
"Hehe, gross." Ty chuckled as he turned and began to walk out as Petunia vaulted over a locker and joined them.
"Yes, it is gross." Eve said with a pout as she quickly shuffled down the hall while very noticeably avoiding eye contact with Automne and Petunia.
"Uhhh, Eve, stop being such a prude." Petunia griped as she casually swayed over to the girl and lightly elbowed her in the ribs.
"Yeah, come on, Eve, lighten up a bit." A wide smirk spread across Automne's mouth as he followed on her heels.
"Yeah, Eve, there's nothing wrong with laying down after a long stressful day and rubbing one out."
"That's disgusting." Eve said as she quickly sidestepped away from the girl.
"Well, that basically makes you a terrorist, Eve." Ty interjected as he looked back at Eve.
Eve quickly began to turn red as she strode forward past Ty.
Automne gave a groan, "Eve come ooooon; chill out."
"No," Eve responded huffily.
"Come ooooooon, if you chill then maybe I'll take you bowling later." Automne said with his most persuasive, forced grin.
"But I don't like bowling." Eve said childishly as they reached the doors at the end of the hall and pushed them open.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, how can you not like bowling?" An almost unreasonably offended Automne blurted out.
"I thought we were talking about masturbation." Petunia interrupted with a raised eyebrow as she scratched at her stomach between her bandoliers.
"Yeah, we'll get back to that." He said dismissively as they made their way down a poorly lit pathway towards the landing pad. "Anyways, Eve, how can you not like bowling?"
"I- I just don't like bowling."
"… Is this about the rental shoes?"
"No!" Eve very clearly lying as she picked up her pace a bit.
"Just the other day you were covered in blood, and rental shoes is what freaks you out."
"N-no." Eve grumbled quietly as she tensed up like a slightly crushed soda can.
"Come ooooon, you can tell me." Automne pestered as he persisted after her like an annoying telemarketer.
Eve gave a weak moan and uncomfortably twisted her weapon in her hands.
A large smirk crossed Automne's lips as a thought flowed through his mind. "Eve, you look kind of uncomfortable." He said with no sincerity as he stalked her from a couple feet behind. "I know, how about I give you a niiice, biiig, waaarm hug."
Eve trembled uneasily for a moment before bolting off towards the landing pad.
"And the chase is on." Automne muttered to himself as he broke into a jog after her. "Eeeeeeve, Come on Eve!" Automne mocked as he ran after her with open arms.
"No, no, no, no, nooo!"
Ty gave a sigh and glanced over to Petunia who had finally stopped walking like an arthritic sloth and decided to match his pace. "Were you being serious earlier when you said you were subscribed to Tastiezz?"
"Not really, I hacked into someone's profile and changed their password. I mostly used it to pirate the good shit onto a flash drive. I call it the sex drive" Petunia said with an obnoxiously proud grin as Eve and Automne ran past them in the opposite direction.
Ty glared at her for a moment. "I honestly hope when the government tracks you down for illegally downloading porn that they slam you against a wall and break your jaw so badly that you can never talk again."
"Hmph, well then, I guess that just leaves more porn for me."
"Hold on, let's not get ahead of ourselves here."
"Why aren't you two helping me?!" Eve screamed in her exclusively quiet manner as she ran between the two of them.
"Because we don't care." Ty responded flatly while Petunia glanced back over her shoulder to see where Automne was.
"Eeeeeeve," a winded Automne groaned as he slowly jogged between them. "You can't-"Automne stopped to gasp for air as he lurched forward and put his hands on his knees. "I'm gonna lay down for a second." And with that he fell face first into the ground, his rear sticking up in the air like that of a true noble warrior.
"Dude, seriously?" Ty asked as Petunia and he stopped to stare down at Automne; Eve was still running around unaware that Automne was no longer chasing her. "You were running for less than a minute."
"You need to work on your cardio, man." Petunia added as she pushed Automne onto his back with the heel of her shoe.
"Well – you need to – work on your cardio." Automne sputtered between gasps.
"You should also work on those comebacks."
"You need to – work on your comebacks – jackass." Automne sputtered like the champion comeback artist he was.
"Well you got me there." Petunia quipped sarcastically before proceeding back towards the landing pad.
"Hey, I-"
"No," Eve whined as she continued to run around with her eyes closed. At least that was what she was doing until she tripped over the downed Automne and flopped into the ground.
Ty gave a heavy sigh as he stared down at the two. "You people…" He trailed off as he began to shake his head.
"Automne?" Eve groaned as she rolled over into a seated position and looked over at Automne who was now staring up into the sky. "What're you doing on the ground?"
"Contemplating the sweet embrace of death." He replied seriously.
"How's that workin' out for ya'?" Petunia called from a distance as she waited for them to stop imitating snails made out of lead.
Automne gave a heavy sigh, "Not very good."
"Bummer, now can we get moving or did you want to start contemplating why oranges are the only fruit named after their color?"
"Wait are they? Like who came up with the color orange anyways? Like I know it's just some random word that they came up with, but was it based off of like a plant or something? Because there aren't many orange things in nature. So maybe like the color is named after the fruit."
There was a brief pause while everyone stared down at Automne.
"I can't tell if you're retarded or stoned." Ty said as he stared down at Automne.
"I figure it's a mixture of both. Ya' know, kinda half-n-half." Petunia added as she came back and stared down at Automne like he was some kind of sideshow freak who had escaped captivity and died on the lawn.
"Hmm, you know that actually makes a lot of sense." Eve responded inquisitively as she put a finger to her chin.
"Oh Dust, she's getting a contact high! Quick we need to stop them before they start questioning the meaning of life!" Ty shouted as Eve crossed her legs and leaned back to look up at the stars.
Eve turned to Ty with a raised eyebrow "What? But I haven't even touched Autom-" Eve stopped immediately and turned in a panic as Automne sprang up and wrapped his arms around her torso.
"Squeeze," Automne said with a smirk as they fell back onto the hard stone pathway.
"Ahhhhhhh, bad touch, bad touch!" Eve screamed as she writhed uncomfortably in his arms.
Ty gave a heavy sigh as the two began to roll around on the ground; Eve bashing on Automne's shoulders while Automne laughed like a madman. "Sure, yeah, it's not like we have a top secret mission to get to or anything."
"One day we're going to come back to the room and they're just going to be going at it like rabbits." Petunia said casually as she took a picture with her Scroll.
"The day Automne loses his virginity is the day I wear a dress and call myself 'Tyra'."
"Rape! Rape!" Eve started to scream as the two continued to roll across the ground like a lopsided barrel.
"Automne, can you get on top for a few of these." Petunia called out as she snapped a few more pictures. "These are going to look great on my blog." She said quietly to Ty as she scrolled through a couple of the pictures.
Ty looked down at the pictures and gave a half smile. "Huh, they're not bad."
"Yeah, they'd probably be better if Eve wasn't crying though."
Hey everybody thanks for reading. I hope you enjoyed this chapter and if you're liking the story so far feel free to follow, favorite and if you feel so inclined leave a review. I love writing this story and I love all of you for reading and following. A big thanks to my editor and fellow author NinjaSlayer4x, check out his stuff if you get the chance. I also want to thank another fellow author and good friend Crimson Grave, go over and check out his story "Second Life" if you have the chance.
Once again thank all of you for reading. Now, until next time peace out.
-CS
*clears throat* Also I have been informed by our unlicensed medical team that autoerotic asphyxiation is unsafe and should never be practiced... without a friend. At least until you get the... hang of it. :D
... I'll just go now.