"Sai! I thought that Shizune was supposed to help you with your disguise?" Sakura shrieked in dismay, timidly poking the enormous, frazzled grey beard that dangled down to his navel. It looks like a dead badger...

Sai frowned, confused, "She said it was endearing." He fished out a pair of large, circular spectacles from the pouch he had slung across his hip, "Isn't the purpose of a disguise to cover or distort one's appearance enough for one to become unrecognizable?" He breathed on the thick lenses, cleaned them on the hem of his ghoulish cloak, and placed them over his eyes.

"Well...yes." Sakura fixed him with a wide-eyed stare, willing him to understand, "But that doesn't mean that you had to look like a creepy eighty-year-old man!"

"...I don't understand." Sai blinked at her owlishly.

Sakura sighed loudly in frustration. She was about to lecture him when Naruto's whiny voice called out from the trees to the right of the dirt path they were on.

"Sakura-chaaan! I need your help!"

The medic ninja raised her eyes exasperatedly to the heavens, Why am I the only one with any sense around here? She took one last pitying glance at the boy before her as he adjusted his theatrically large black hooded robe. I should just leave now. Doing just that, Sakura leapt through the bushes towards Naruto. Heaven knows what I'll find there...

As she jumped through the forest she thought smugly about her own outfit. It was so much more normal than Sai's freakish vampire robe. In fact, she had kept her outfit relatively similar to her usual uniform, swapping her red and pink ensemble for a green and brown skirt and vest. After henge'ing many ridiculous hair styles overtop of her vibrant pink tresses,the two kunoichi had decided that blonde was definitely her color. Shizune had offered to help her dye it with a temporary hair dye that would come out after about five washes. Sakura had been surprisingly pleased with the turnout, she thought it gave her more of a grown up look and that people would take her more seriously. She had purposefully neglected brushing it yesterday and today, resulting in a choppy, wild look. Intimidating as Sai would put it. Sakura chuckled to herself.

Choosing a disguise had been a relatively quick and easy process. It was the amusing game of dress up between Shizune and herself that had turned the simple task into a two hour-long excursion. When they had finally finished, stumbling out of the storage room in a fit of giggles, they had needed to retrieve Naruto from Ichiraku's so that he could pick out a disguise. That boy can't stay in one place for a minute! Anyway, it had been a fun time.

She trotted into the clearing, chuckling to herself over the mental image of Shizune's pretty face decorated with a big, hairy caterpillar of a unibrow. Her laughter ceased and she tripped over her feet in shock when she saw her blonde-haired teammate.

Naruto smiled sheepishly at her, his purple painted cheeks dimpling adorably. Sakura, despite her annoyance, couldn't wipe away the smile that grew on her face. Can't leave him alone for one second.

"I'm afraid to ask." Her attempt at mimicking her sensei's dry sense of humor fell through when she giggled.

Naruto smiled widely, encouraged by her laughter, "Shizune gave me this make-up kit to cover up the marks on my cheeks." Sakura walked over to kneel before him, peering doubtfully at his decorated face. Well, they're covered all right...

"But why did you use purple, Naruto?" She lightly held his chin in her hands, tilting it from side to side to get a better appreciation of his handiwork. She pretended not to notice how his cheeks turned a darker shade of purple at her touch. Sakura tsked, the boy was a complete and utter mess.

He handed over the make-up kit, nervously launching into a jumbled story about how the many colors had confused and mislead him. Sakura took a damp cloth, only half listening to the boy prattle on, and wiped the paint away carefully. He was lucky that she had come when she did, any longer and it would have dried onto his face. Then they would have had to make up some ridiculous story to explain his deformity, like it was a symptom of some rare and incurable disease.

"Here, I think this color would go better with your complexion."

Naruto paused, mid-sentence, and peered suspiciously at the indicated color. As if I'm the one who doesn't know what I'm doing! Without waiting for him to say anything, she started dabbing the face paint over his cheeks. It took a little while because Naruto kept forgetting not to move, but when she was done she sat back and looked at her work proudly. After much work and deliberation, her teammate actually looked like a normal human being!

"There you go, all done." She smiled at him, and Naruto beamed at her, his blue eyes glittering happily. Leaping up, he jammed a faded brown hat overtop his spiky blonde locks. Despite the disquieting resemblance her teammate's stance had to the 'Mighty Guy Pose', Sakura forced herself to look at him and scrutinize his wardrobe. While she found it to be a little bland (all of his clothes were various shades of brown!), it was effective and wouldn't attract attention. This whole not-wearing-orange thing is working pretty good.

They raced back to the main path where Sai was waiting for them. Actually, Naruto raced her and Sakura just humored him because she was more mature but didn't want to hurt his feelings.

Crashing obnoxiously through the leaves and branches onto the path, Naruto whooped victoriously. Not the least bit sour at her defeat, Sakura decided that she was glad that they were a days travel away from their destination. All of the running and jumping would hopefully tire Naruto down. And if he kept watch tonight maybe he would be able to act relatively calm when they met up with the rogue nin...And if they just so happened to race again after he was all tired and worn out, and she happened to beat him...well, then that would be okay too. Sakura covered her evil grin behind her gloved hand, already choreographing her victory dance in her mind.

At that moment, Kakashi leapt down from the trees on the other side of the path, apparently done changing into his disguise as well. As he slowly rose up into his telltale slouch, Sakura cast her critical gaze on the form of her sensei. Naruto and Sai's blunders had made her doubtful of the male species' ability to disguise themselves as a whole. Fortunately, Kakashi's clothing was remarkably unremarkable and drab.

Everything was black.

He had even tastefully added a pair of queer, Shino-like goggles and a large scarf to the ensemble. The goggles were pushed up, exposing his expressionless wink, and the thick scarf was wrapped around the lower part of his face. The latter didn't surprise Sakura in the slightest. And he's probably wearing his mask under that too! Gosh, how does he breathe?

As her former sensei bent down to peer warily at Sai's dead badger, I mean beard! Sakura found a major flaw in his disguise. His hair. His silvery white locks looked like they did every day, the downy strands fluffing up as if he had a chronic case of bed-head. Which, Sakura had realized over time, he actually did. All in all, it was as much of a defining feature as his Sharingan was. To leave it unchanged was as nonsensical as walking around with a large neon sign saying, "Hello! I'm the famous copy-cat ninja and I'm here to assassinate you!" would be. Sakura shook her head, Why did God make females the only one's with any brains?

"Kakashi-sensei, I think you need to do something about your hair. It's too much of a give-away."

He looked at her solemnly, one hand experimentally tugging at Sai's beard, "Hmmm," He straightened slowly, as if he were exhausted, and looked at her with some trepidation, "I thought you were joking about that whole shaving my head thing, Sakura-chan."

At the mention of mowing down their former sensei's dignity, Naruto crowed with excitement and pumped his fist in the air.

"Hahaha, Kaka-sensei! You're gonna look so-"

"Actually! I think I might have just the thing!" Sakura talked loudly over her teammate, rifling through her pack as she was struck with inspiration. She pulled out a tube of hair styling gel, beaming at her own genius, "Ino got me this for my birthday last month and if there is any hair product on this earth that could make your hair lie flat, this is it! It smells good too-white nectarine and pink coral flower with a hint of citrus!

Kakashi's shoulders slumped.

Naruto collapsed against Sai in a violent fit of giggles. The copy-nin gazed forlornly at the ground for a moment before shrugging resignedly, "Well, if you think it's necessary..." He sighed tragically.

His disappointed attitude made Sakura frown. He acts like I just kicked a puppy! She briefly considered kicking one of his ninken the next time she saw them but then thought better of it. Some of those dogs looked kinda mean.

"Sit down, sensei!" Sakura chirped, already kneeling, and patted a particularly dusty patch of dirt before her. Kakashi reluctantly tugged off his goggles and unwrapped his scarf before walking over. Still wearing that mask-Called it!

Suddenly realizing that he was leaning against what appeared to be a sketchy old man, Naruto yelped in surprise. He immediately began interrogating Sai on his creepy attire, gesticulating wildly in horror. If Sakura didn't know her teammate better, she would say that Sai had adopted an almost defensive tone. She saw Kakashi relax slightly as the two other team members fell into comfortable, familiar bickering.

Alright, here goes nothing, she took a deep breath, Please don't let me lose any fingers! Sakura ran her fingers hesitantly through his hair, testing the waters, a little afraid that she might find some small animal nesting in there. She was surprised to find that the thin silvery white strands were incredibly soft and remarkably untangled. She suppressed a gasp as her probing fingers were swathed in velvety warmth, a distinctive musky smell wafting gently over her. She froze, feeling a little dizzy, Woah! Sensei smells really nice..

What the hell? She snapped herself out of her temporary stupor, That's not fair! Sakura glared accusingly at the feathery tuft of pale hair clenched in her fist, He has nice hair and he doesn't even care! I know so many girls that would kill to-

"Is strangling it part of the 'make your hair lie flat' plan?" He winced, "Take it easy Sakura-chan, I have a very sensitive scalp."

"Oh, sorry Kakashi-sensei!" Sakura poured a little gel into her hands, "You just had a big knot that I needed to take care of!" He didn't say anything, and she started to pat down his hair, more carefully this time. Sakura found herself spreading the gel through his hair with exaggerated gentleness, the unexpected baby-softness of his hair making her feel a strange motherly tenderness towards him. She massaged it deep into his roots, knowing that was where the cause of the problem was. As her fingers kneaded along the base of his skull, he surprised her by humming a deep moan of contentment. As he unconsciously leant back into her touch, closing his eyes blissfully, she found herself wondering when was the last time someone had touched him like this.

She massaged slow circles around his temples, smiling slightly when he sighed deeply and his shoulders relaxed. Kakashi was always so withdrawn, never standing close enough to accidentally brush against anyone else. The few times she had hugged him in celebration he had immediately stiffened up until she released him. The even fewer times that she had latched onto him in a mess of frustrated, angry tears he had coughed awkwardly and patted her timidly on the top of the head. She had never seen him instigate so much as a handshake to anyone. He shied away from any possible hugs and cringed under any looming pats on the back. Whenever he handed his teammates objects there was always a calculated amount of space between his fingers and theirs.

Kakashi had erected an invisible barrier between himself and everyone around him. She didn't know if he had always been like this, but all of the older jounin operated smoothly around his boundaries with practiced ease. To have him trust her enough to permit this infinitesimal infraction was shocking to say the least. But Sakura didn't kid herself, the only reason he allowed it was because it was for the benefit of the mission. But still, she stealthily rolled a silky silver strand between her thumb and pointer finger in the guise of smoothing down a resilient tuft on the top of his head, the fact that he's even letting me touch him has to count for something.

That's why, no matter how tempted she was, she would squelch down the urge to contort his hair into a clownish imitation of Guy-sensei's hairdo. Next time, she promised herself, grinning evilly.

"There! All done!" She wiped her hands on her skirt and leggings, "Turn around so I can fix the front." Her voice was loud and Kakashi seemed to jolt back to reality. He stiffly turned around, looking at the ground through his lashes. Sakura blinked and wondered if he was feeling embarrassed. Well it makes sense, Sakura sighed with a keen disappointment, I don't know many guys that actually enjoy having their hair styled with fruity hair gel.

Sakura also knew that she had a tendency to overanalyze simple situations and put her own perceptions on people that were hard to understand. It was a well known fact that Kakashi didn't feel normal emotions like embarrassment. He reads porn in public for crying out loud! One look at his half-lidded eyes and she knew that the man possessed the same emotional spectrum as a toothbrush.

Trying to cleanse her mind of the mental image of a toothbrush screaming shrilly as it was slowly raised to a yawning mouth, Sakura quickly brushed a few wisps into place. She smirked, looking at her work appraisingly. I bet Ino couldn't have done that! With his hair pressed down gently against his skull to frame his face, the majority of it brushed to the side to cover his Sharingan, Sakura had to admit to herself that her sensei was a very handsome man. Even with half of his face masked, he couldn't hide it. She smiled, maybe if he let her do his hair when they got back to the village he would get a girlfriend. And stop reading those dirty books!

As he gruffly mumbled his thanks and they both got up, Sakura found herself thinking about who in the village the enigmatic copy-nin would want to go out with. He probably had some weird fetish or standard that none of the kunoichi lived up to. But Sakura didn't kid herself. The real reason Kakashi was single wasn't because there was a problem with the entire female population, it was because there was a with problem him. But then again, maybe she was biased. After all, years of sadistic training and convoluted lessons tended to warp your view of a person...

They all gathered their supplies before leaping into the trees to start the day's travel. Naruto was still laughing at Sai's constume, but Sakura was too distracted to join in. And besides, if she didn't know better, she would think that the poor artist was a little distressed. As she fell into the familiar routine of jumping from branch to branch, the mental game of pairing her sensei with random kunoichi from the village occupied her thoughts.

She giggled at the thought of her former teacher getting with her present teacher. Two words accurately summed up that potential relationship-Spousal abuse! That would be the funniest thing ever! Sakura chuckled at the mental image of Tsunade bashing Kakashi's head in and Naruto peered at her strangely. Her mom always told her that she appreciated slap-stick humor too much, but whatever.

Not only would Tsunade routinely beat him into submission, she definitely had a couple of decades on him. Nope, Sakura thought to herself, Tsunade-sama definitely isn't the one for him. A couple humorous and disastrous pairings later and Sakura had made her decision. If there was one girl in the entire village that she would approve of going out with her awkward, but strangely endearing, former sensei, it was Shizune.

Sakura wriggled with excitement. Maybe she should try to get them together! Oh my gosh, it'll be just like the movies! And she could get Ino to help her-this was going to be so fun!

At the thought of her best friend, Sakura found herself remembering a conversation they had overheard in the hot springs one time. She skipped from branch to branch, her head in the clouds.

A large group of the village's kunoichi had all gone together to the hot springs for a day of relaxation and gossip. Sakura was soaking next to Ino and TenTen, relishing the steamy warmth around her, when an interesting conversation popped up on her other side.

Kurenai-sensei was giggling and playfully rebuking another woman who was snickering to herself. Sakura lazily cracked an eye open and saw that it was one of the chunin-proctors, Anko Mitarashi.

"Anko," Kurenai chuckled, "He probably wears that mask because of creepy stalkers like you!" A group of girls that were listening in all laughed at Kurenai's accusation.

"That's not true," Anko sniffed, pretending to be offended, "If Kakashi didn't want me after him, then he wouldn't act so mysterious all the time."

Sakura perked up, what were they saying about Kakashi-sensei? This was the first time she had noticed his name pop up in a conversation between the female jounin. She saw Ino raise an eyebrow in interest out of the corner of her eye. Sakura sat up a little straighter, her own interest peaked. This was her chance to find out something about her secretive sensei-maybe if it was really good she would tell Naruto.

"Oh, Anko, you're just making that up to justify yourself." Kurenai shook her head half-heartedly, "Don't you remember the last time we all went to the bar together? You poured your drink on his lap so that you could 'towel him off'," She made quotation marks with her fingers at this, "The only reason you didn't get a chidori to the chest was because he fell off his stool."

Anko tilted her head to the side, tapping her chin contemplatively, "I don't know. I think he knows I like it when they squirm. Tricky little devil."

Sakura's mouth fell open. Okay, so maybe she wouldn't tell Naruto that...Ino nudged her elbow beneath the steamy water, indicating that she wanted to talk about this later.

"Do you all remember Shizune's eighteenth birthday party?" Anko grinned.

Sakura's eyes widened at the collective lusty moans that sounded from the surrounding women. What in the world could have happened at Shizune's eighteenth birthday party? It was Shizune for crying out loud!

"How we played truth or dare-" One woman started.

"And Kakashi was dared to take all eighteen of her birthday spankings-" a sultry voice swooned.

"From Maito Guy? I remember he-" the sentence dissolved into excited squeals and splashes.

"Girls, girls!" Kurenai raised her hands, looking mildly amused at their excitement, "Maito Guy's not exactly gentle. The poor kid was crying by the fifth stroke!" she reminded them.

There was a pause in the dreamy sighs and breathy moans.

"I know," purred Anko, "It was so hot."

The admiring sounds picked up again, and Sakura's eyes were opened wide now. Had the entire female population of the village's ninja been hoarding a secret obsession with her sensei? The idea was more than a little disturbing. Sakura had never even thought of her slightly awkward, unsociable teacher in that way...Which was probably a good thing, considering he was fourteen years her senior.

As the conversation dissolved into passionate exclamations about her sensei's immaculate body and what should be done to it, Sakura thought about the man that had been a constant presence in her life for the last couple of years.

If there was one thing Kakashi was, it was predictable. Sakura could always depend upon him to be the same old sensei, reacting cooly in battle and clumsily in touchy situations. She knew that she didn't actually know who he was, but Sakura was certain that she had a general understanding of the man. She thought that she knew who he was and who he was not. But, at the discovery that he was the most sought-after bachelor in Konoha, her perception of him was changed against her will. Did Kakashi secretly have a steamy, promiscuous sex life run rampant? How could he? He was so... standoffish sometimes.

Sakura frowned as Anko boasted about her intricate, foolproof plan to clog her sensei's shower drains beyond all repair and force him to shower in public. A group of kunoichi collaborated on the best strategy for stealing Kakashi's underwear while he was still wearing it. Someone volunteered to almost fatally injure him so that they could keep him captive in the hospital forever.

Ahh... that would explain the sudden discombobulation concerning sponge-bath sign ups the last time he was hospitalized.

Sakura's fears eased. As the conversations spiraled into even dirtier and creepier plans of abduction and, what sounded to Sakura like torture, she was selfishly reassured. Her world was safe because, in the end, the image of her sensei had not been tainted into that a sinful, sex-addict. Rather, she now knew him to be a misfortunate, yet thankfully unaware, target for Konoha's kunoichi to vent their sexual repression on.

Sakura settled deeper into the warm water, closing her eyes with satisfaction. Kakashi was still her slightly awkward, unsociable sensei.

Even if he was completely oblivious to the fact that a large group of women were currently plotting to strip him naked, cover him with whipped cream, and lick it off him... Ew!

Sakura snorted incredulously as she remembered the ridiculousness of the women's obsession with her sensei. And they said that I was obsessed! Sakura herself had thought that she was obsessed with her former Uchiha teammate, but none of her thoughts had ever reached that level of intensity. She shuddered, I hope I'm not like that when I'm older, that would be so scary...

She considered warning Kakashi about the imminent assault, but reconsidered. If there was one thing she didn't want, it was a horde of furious kunoichi on her back. She valued her sensei and was honestly a little worried for his safety, but she decided that informing him of the impending attack wouldn't really change the outcome. And besides, he wasn't an elite jounin for nothing! She just hoped that he would be able to recognize the danger when it came and take evasive action.

She looked at the limber silhouette of her sensei springing cat-like from branch to branch ahead of her. She squinted against the glare, trying to see a little of the man that the other kunoichi saw. She took in the sight of his wiry muscles visibly flexing and coiling, his body contorting into graceful acrobatic positions of controlled power. Yes, he was beautiful. But when she looked at him, it wasn't his beauty that caused a wave of admiration to well up inside her. It was his strength, a deadly gracefulness so fast it was frightening.

Kakashi was strong, had always been strong, and always would be strong. Sakura knew that he would protect his teammates with his life. She would never admit it, but... In her mind, he was an indestructible, unstoppable force that never failed to come through in the end. Sakura felt comforted as she watched Kakashi leap nimbly before her, knowing that there was not a situation where he would not come out on top.

Think I should let everyone know right here that this is not supposed to be a KakaSaku story. So sorry for anybody that got their hopes up! I'm not gonna lie though, I frequently have to go back and rewrite stuff because for some reason it keeps slipping into precious little moments between those two… Not sure if I'm fighting against the flow of the story there but ah well.

Thanks for reading! And review, review, review!

~Flinty

...

Poor, poor Kakashi!