A/N: Okay, I miscalculated on how many chapters are left lol I noticed that a lot of people really responded to this summer apart plot and I realized there was a lot I wanted to cover so I ultimately ended up breaking it into two, because it was getting WAY too long. The bad news is that since I split it into two Brittany is away a little longer than I expected. They good news is I'm pretty much already done writing the next part and just on to editing so you won't have to wait long at all. I'll probably post it in the next few days.
I know how much a summer apart sucks and I really wanted to show the ups and downs of that, so I took a little bit of a different approach with the style of these next two chapters. I kind of thought of it like a bunch of glimpses into Santana's summer in NY and since Brittany's gone for 85 days, I split this up by the days so you could get an idea of what point in the summer they're at. This is the beginning so it's naturally a little rougher on them both in this one.
Lastly, I just want to thank everyone who commented and contacted me last chapter. I got a really great response and it was awesome to see and it made me want to write these next two as fast as possible. Hope everyone enjoys this one and expect the next part very soon!
Day 2
As she sat in the dark living room, Santana's body racked with sobs as the movie she watched continued to play on the TV. Sebastian stepped up so that his two front feet were on her leg and tilted his head as he looked at her with curiosity.
Meow
"Don't judge me." She said, looking at him with a scowl as she sniffled. "An Affair To Remember is one of the saddest movies of all time."
He purred and bashed his head into her shoulder. She sniffled again and lifted her hand up to pet him.
"Thanks." she muttered. She looked back at him and sighed, shaking her head. "I'm losing it...I'm having conversations with the cats...I'm losing it." She wiped her eyes and let herself fall back so that she was spread across the couch, her head coming into contact with a mopey Ariel who eyed her sadly.
"I know, it's pathetic." Ariel stretched her arms and made a small wimper as she rolled over on her back in an effor to hint that Santana should pet her. She let her hand fall to the cat's furry head and scratched under her chin. "Yeah, I miss her too."
Day 11
Santana listened to the relentless pounding on the door and sighed, looking down at her phone which continued to buzz with texts from the very same person standing outside her apartment.
"Go away Berry!" She yelled, from the couch where she was cuddled and watching TV.
"Santana Lopez, open this door right now...or I'll...I'll..." Santana quirked a brow in curiosity.
"You'll what?" She yelled. "Break it down? I'm shivering with fear."
"I'll call Brittany." Santana frowned and considered this.
Rachel continued to stand in the hall knocking persistently and a moment later she finally heard locks turning. Her face spread into a victorious grin.
"Now, was that so hard?" she asked a clearly unamused Santana who stood before her in shorts and a tank top, her hair falling messily around her head.
"Yes."
"Santana, it's 2:30 in the afternoon and you're still in your pajamas?"
"I worked last night." She said defensively, turning back and walking into the apartment so she could reclaim her spot on the couch.
Rachel entered and closed the door behind her, locking the deadbolt before turning around and surveying the place. She was slightly surprised to see none of the boxes from the move appeared to be unpacked and the apartment was a wreck. The kitchen was a mess of uncleaned dishes and a few empty bottles and takeout containers.
"Santana, what is going on in this place?" Rachel asked with a furrowed brow. "It's like a den of depression in here." Santana looked over at her with a scowl.
"Berry, I've been working late nights that I'm not used to and I'm missing my girl, so lay off. If you came here to make judgments on how I'm choosing to spend my time, you can turn around and walk yourself back out the door."
"So you want to spend your entire summer in a messy, unpacked apartment watching movies?" Rachel said, looking through some of the DVDs on strewn across the coffee table with curiosity. "Santana, these film choices are incredibly depressing. Terms of Endearment, A Walk to Remember…Love Story?" she asked incredulously.
"Don't mock my tastes. I've seen you watch some incredibly questionable films."
"Beaches? Beaches? Seriously? Santana, you've become some kind of masochist." She looked up at her. "Bambi? Toy Story 3 again?" Santana shrugged.
"Brittany loves Disney." She responded defensively and grabbed the case as Rachel frowned.
"Is this what you've been doing since she left?"
"Only when I'm not working." She said, fiddling with her thumbs.
"I think I can actually see the imprint on that couch from your body." she said, lifting the blanket as Santana swatted at her hand. "Have you slept in the bed Santana?" She shrugged again and Rachel sighed. "Why not?"
"It's too big and lonely. We just sleep out here." she said motioning to the two cats curled up next to her.
"Okay, Santana, you can't do this for the rest of the summer. You're going to go insane. And if Brittany knew this is how you were-"
"But she won't know, because I'm not telling her." Santana said pointedly. "And neither are you."
"I will if you don't snap out of this." Rachel said, forcefully. "Santana, I know it sucks that Brittany is gone for the summer and I know it has to be especially difficult for people who are attached at the hip the way you two have been for seemingly your entire life. But seriously, you can't spend the next two months like this." she motioned around and Santana leaned back, taking a breath as she stared up at the ceiling.
"Obviously you're going to have your good days and your bad days. I fully expect for you to come home some nights and want to do nothing more than curl up on the couch with the cats and watch sappy movies so that you can cry your heart out. But that can't be what you do every day." Rachel leaned forward, placing a comforting hand on her forearm to get Santana to look at her.
"Seriously, I know that Finn and I or your friends or even Brittany's friends are not the people you really want to be spending time with. I know that if you had your way you'd be spending every waking and sleeping moment with Brittany. But for right now, you can't so you should really just try and make the best of what you have."
"Are you done preaching?" Santana asked with a scowl and Rachel sat back with a sigh. "Because last time I checked I've been doing a fine job of running my own life for the past 20 years with no help from you. My girlfriend is gone, off galavanting around the country with a bunch of hot dancers doing god knows what and I'm stuck here in our brand new apartment by myself." She said, her voice continuing to rise.
"Santana I highly doubt Brittany is-"
"I'm not finished." she said, holding her hand up. "I'm miserable and I'm allowed to be miserable, because as much as I wanted her to do this and I'm happy for her – this fucking sucks." she said plainly. "And you have no right to come over here, banging on my door when you take breaks from planning your perfect wedding with your shiny new engagement ring to tell me how I should act when you're getting to cuddle up to the love of your life every night." She said, tossing the remote onto the table in anger, causing both the cats and Rachel to jump.
Meow.
She turned to Ariel and frowned, petting her head apologetically.
"Sorry." she muttered before turning back to look at a stunned Rachel, who sat on the loveseat clearly trying to formulate something to say. Santana sighed and shook her head. "Rachel, just let me be." she said quietly. "Please."
"Okay." Rachel squeaked softly with defeat, standing up and turning towards the door. "If you would like to do anything," she said turning, " Finn and myself are always available. He told me you don't want to play this Saturday's gig and asked me to fill in." Santana nodded. "I'm not trying to push you, honestly, but are you sure that might not help? I mean, you can sing a bunch of love songs, let your feelings out a little. Surely you remember how theraputic that can be."
"I don't feel up to it. My throat has been hurting." she lied. "If you could take this one, I'd really appreciate it."
"Sure." Rachel bit her lip. "I guess then...we'll see you...soon?"
"You know where to find me." Santana said, flicking the movie back on as Rachel let herself out.
"She's miserable Finn. It's terrible." she shook her head, as she put the food down on the table. "I mean, the apartment hasn't changed since the day they moved in. It's a wreck and she is just letting all the trash pile up. There were even a few liquor bottles..."
"Come on Rach, you had to have an idea that something like this might happen." Finn said before looking at her with curiosity. "Didn't you?"
"Well, sure, but I didn't think she'd regress into this state of anger. She was in full on attach mode today."
"I haven't had a chance to talk to Britt with my schedule. Is she freaking out?"
"Well, Santana is trying to fake it in front of her, but clearly she called me out of concern. I mean she can sense that something's up so she's not happy. She's worried and feeling helpless."
"Yeah," he said smpathetically. "I can imagine and that's gotta suck."
"Don't you think there's something we can do to help? I mean…" Rachel shrugged, "I know we're not the very best of friends, but I'm concerned."
"I don't know. I mean, I know we promised Brittany we would help and we can continue to try but Santana is so stubborn." He shrugged. "I think that Brittany is the only one who can really snap her out of this one. Maybe…" he paused in thought, "maybe the only thing we can really do here is be her eyes and ears."
"You think we should tell Brittany?" Rachel asked with uncertainty. "I mean...I don't want to ruin Brittany's experience."
"Yeah, but Brittany is very in tune with Santana. She already knows that something's up and I think she is capable enough of handling it. Plus, I don't want to see things get worse or to a point where it could screw them up."
"I suppose you make a valid point." Rachel frowned, looking at the clock. "She has a show tonight, I'll speak with her tomorrow or the next day." Finn nodded and leaned over to kiss her cheek.
"Want me to talk to her?"
"No, no...I mean, I went over there and everything." She sighed. "On a happier note have you given any more thought to the color palettes I've laid out for the engagement party?"
"Um, not really." He frowned. "Color pallettes aren't really my thing. I think you should go for it on this one." He said with a tight smile.
"But Finn, I want every piece of this wedding to be a complete representation of both of us, not just me." She insisted. "I was also hoping you'd have some idea of what you felt about entertainment."
"Rach, I don't get why we can't just have a dinner. I mean, it's not the wedding."
"My dads are reserving the entire restaurant for the evening. As two artistic and musical beings we have to have some form of entertainment."
"It's a small place Rach. I think you can just plug in your ipod and we'll be okay." She frowned.
"Fine. You're clearly not interested in helping to plan this party so I'll have to take the reigns on this one. But I fully expect your participation in the planning of our actual wedding."
"As if you'd actually take my opinion on things." He said with a chuckle.
"What's that supposed to mean?" She asked defensively.
"It means that I give you my opinions all the time, but somehow we still end up doing whatever you want anyway. So I'm not sure why you insist on dragging me into all this craziness when you're just going to do what you want anyway." He said with frustration.
"Well, it's nice to see how much you care about our wedding."
"Oh come on, it's not like that." He groaned. "It's just this is chick stuff and I'm not good at it and it matters more to you anyway."
"Don't you want it to be perfect? I mean we only get one wedding. One chance to create one of the most important events of our lives."
"Rachel, just getting married to you. It's already perfect." He said.
"Spare me your cliché movie lines." She grumbled, collecting the notes she had laid out across the table as she left the room. "I'll take care of everything myself…as usual. Have a nice night at work."
He sighed as she slammed the door to the bedroom before gathering his things and making his way out of the apartment to work.
Day 13
"Is it really that bad?" Brittany asked through the phone, as she slid out of the noisy hotel room full of dancers chatting as they got dressed.
"Please don't take this the wrong way, I don't mean to alarm you or anything."
"Do you think I need to come home?"
"No!" Rachel said emphatically. "No. I think maybe you should just talk to her."
"It's been kind of a struggle these first two weeks." Brittany admitted as she walked through the halls of the building as crew bustled around, getting things together. She found a quiet corner in the back of the empty auditorium and sat. "I mean, we've been talking a few times a day and we've Skyped but the conversation is like….basic?"
"Well, you're both accustomed to being in each others presence at all times. I think it's going to be a bit of an adjustment for both of you. But it sounds like you need to find a way to communicate better and make things work."
"Yeah." Brittany trailed, playing with her skirt hem anxiously. "It's just…this whole lifestyle has been an adjustment for me too. It's tiring and confusing…I guess I need to get better at it."
"Don't beat yourself up about it."
"Why would I do that?" Brittany asked with confusion.
"I mean, don't blame yourself. This is something you both need to work on. You should just talk to her. The next time you have a day off or something, sit down and have a real conversation. I'm sure you want that too, don't you?"
"Of course." Brittany said immediately. "Of course I do. I miss her so bad Rachel."
"One thing I can assure you of is that she misses you too." Rachel sighed. "You know how stubborn she is Brittany. But if there's anyone she'll listen to its you."
"True." Brittany said. "True." She took a deep breath. "I'll figure it out."
"Of course you will." Rachel re-assured her.
They continued to chat for a few more minutes as Rachel filled her in on the details of her argument with Finn and caught her up on all things wedding related. Soon Brittany had to go and they parted with Brittany agreeing to let her know how things went.
Later that evening Rachel was just about to turn in for the night when the front door opened and Finn slipped inside, dropping his things by the door.
"Hey, you're up." He smiled, walking over and pulling a small flower arrangement from behind his back as he sat next to her.
"What's this?" she asked with mock disinterest.
"I felt really bad about that fight we had the other day. About all the wedding stuff." He said, grabbing her hand. "I know it's not really stuff that I like, but I get that it's a big deal and you just want everything to be perfect like you said. And maybe it's boring and kind of chick stuff, but I want to do this with you."
"You do?" she asked softly.
"Yeah, I mean…I don't know how much help I'll be, but you're right – this is our day and we should make it special. I'm sorry I was such a jerk. Brittany called me today and kinda made me see the light." He admitted and Rachel laughed.
"Oh she did, huh?" she asked with amusment.
"Yeah, she kind of set me straight on why it's such a big deal and helped me understand a girl's point of view." He stared ahead in thought for a moment. "Girls brains are a scary place." Rachel rolled her eyes and swatted him.
"So...you really want to help?" He nodded.
"Yeah, this stuff can get stressful for couples I know. But this is supposed to be like one of the happiest times of our life. I don't want to fight." He said and she smiled broadly. "So, whatever we need to do, we'll do it together. I want you to have everything you always wanted." He said as she slid her hand behind his neck and drew him in for a sweet, tender kiss.
"Apology accepted." She mumbled against his lips and he pressed forward attempting to lie them back on the couch, before Rachel sprung back. "Not now Finn, come on."
"What?" he asked with confusion. "Come on where?"
Let's go look at colors!" she said, hopping up and running towards the kitchen table. He sighed and laughed before making his way over to join her.
Day 16
Late Monday morning Santana lay on the couch staring out through the window and mentally recounting the past few days. She ran over her conversation with Rachel and her weekend spent in depression as her phone began to beep.
Brittany 3 (10:37 AM): Are you up? Call me when you are...
She sighed and sat up, clearing her throat that ached from the cigarettes she'd gone back to smoking since Brittany left. Finally collecting herself she tried to put on her best face as she clicked on Brittany's name from the top of her favorites screen.
"Hey baby." Brittany said sweetly.
"Hey."
"I've decided I don't like Sundays." Santana could hear her pout through the phone.
"Oh yeah, why's that?" Santana played along although she suspected she knew the answer.
"Because since you're going to be working doubles for the next bunch of weeks, we hardly get the chance to talk."
"I hate it too." Santana admitted, playing with a loose string on the end of a blanket. "But it's only for a little while and then it'll be over a couple weeks before you're back."
"I guess..."
"So what are you doing?" Santana asked.
"I'm taking a walk. We're in this little town in Florida, it's kind of cute. I saw this little park so I thought I could go over there and get a little privacy to talk to you. That bus is so cramped you can't even like turn around without landing on top of someone."
"I'm sure." Santana said, unable to fight off the irrational pang of jealous at anyone who got to be in close quarters with Brittany right now.
"Anyway, we need to talk." Brittany said seriously in a small voice. Santana's eyes ran around the room and her heart fluttered. Maybe she'd been watching too many movies but those were famous last words.
"Why?" she squeaked, panic evident.
"San, don't panic! Brittany said, "Calm down. It's nothing really bad, I just wanted to talk about you and us."
"Me?"
"Yeah." She paused, before deciding to just bite the bullet and tell her what she'd been thinking. "Santana, I may not be the brightest crayon in the tool shed or whatever but I know you. And I know you're not handling this well."
"I'm fine." Santana said instinctively, her go to answer for the last two weeks.
"Stop lying to me!" Brittany said with frustration. "You've been faking it when you talk to me since I left and I'm sick of it. One of the reasons our relationship works so well is because we don't lie to each other."
"Yeah, well, what am I supposed to do?" Santana bit back. "I don't want to make you miserable. You're out there busy and having fun and seeing all these new places and I'm at home, doing nothing but thinking about you."
"Well maybe you should do something about that. I mean, I know for a fact Rachel came over the other day."
"I didn't feel like hanging out with mini bridezilla and her clumsy oaf."
"You cancelled out on your gig Saturday."
"I told you, I wasn't feeling well."
"Seriously Santana, this has to end. I'm not going to lie – I talked to Rachel and she told me what happened the other day. She told me about the apartment and how it's a mess. That you haven't even unpacked anything and you're just sitting there in crying over sappy movies."
"She's dramatic."
"So you have unpacked the boxes?" Brittany asked pointedly and Santana sighed.
"No. No, okay?" she said her annoyance boiling over. Brittany knew all the right buttons to push to set her off. "Why can't I just be allowed to be miserable? Why can't I just be allowed to sit here and miss my girlfriend? I'm so used to being with you that this is like some sick kind of withdrawl and I don't understand why everyone can't just leave me the fuck alone and let me do this my own way."
"Because it's not healthy. And if you're going to do this, then I'm leaving the group and coming home."
"No you're not."
"I will." Brittany said firmly. "If you can't get up off the couch and start to at least attempt to enjoy what you can of this summer. If you can't stop living like you're in a storage unit and stop drowning your sorrows in tequila every night. If you can't work through this with me instead of trying to deal with it alone and living in isolation? I'm coming home. Because as much as I want to do this, I love you more." Santana swallowed and they sat in silence.
"I love you Santana. And maybe because I'm busy and there's a lot going on it makes you feel like I'm not suffering. But I am. I just want to be strong for you because I know you're upset and it's my fault." She paused. "And I've been holding back on telling you about all this stuff that's going on. But I want to tell you about everything because I'm not sure how to do things like this without sharing them with you. I'm so used to sharing everything with you that when I don't it makes me feel like it didn't happen." Santana felt her eyes well up with tears.
"Brittany..." she said softly, with understanding.
"I miss you so much." Brittany said, clearly crying. "I hate sleeping alone and I hate not being able to see you and I hate not being able to kiss you whenever I want." she sniffled. "But I'm trying. I'm really trying to make the most of this and maybe it's a little easier because I have more distractions and I have people who are going through the same things. But I'm hurting every bit as much as you are. Maybe even more because I can't stop thinking about how miserable I'm making you right now." Santana sniffled.
"I'm sorry." she said.
"Don't be." Brittany said with a sigh. "Just please stop hiding what you're feeling from me. I feel like we've been having fake conversations for the past 16 days. Don't get me wrong, they're the best part of my days, but I can tell, especially when I see your face."
"Damn Facetime." Santana muttered and Brittany couldn't help but laugh.
"I love you. Don't hide from me." Brittany begged.
"Do you have time now?" Santana asked and Brittany smiled, settling into the bench she sat on and nodding before she remembered that Santana couldn't see her.
"I have all the time in the world for you."
Santana made herself comfortable, lying back on the couch and absently stroking Sebastian who was in a ball above her head as she finally told Brittany everything she was thinking. They talked about what they could do better and she promised to try a little harder at having fun, even if she didn't want to, but Brittany seemed to think it would make time fly a little faster and she was willing to give anything a chance if that was a possibility.
After almost three hours of conversation and Brittany's battery almost dying, they hung up and for the first time in two weeks Santana felt a little better about everything. She sat up and decided to head off for a shower, wondering what she should do instead of just going back to her normal routine of sitting on the couch and watching sad movies.
She had a brief debate with herself over whether or not she should go talk to Rachel but she decided that could wait till tomorrow and instead opted to spend her off day making a bit of a dent in the apartment and unpacking the boxes. So she started with the living room, trying to get things into shape and lay it out in a way similar to what she and Brittany had discussed.
Brittany had an off day as well so she called her back just after dinner and once more right before bed and she was relieved to hear that Santana had a productive day after their talk and actually sounded a little bit more lively as she told her about the progress she made. She even admitted that being busy made her day pass by pretty quickly.
They cuddled up for bed, Brittany whispering so she didn't wake the girls she shared the small motel room with, and discussed the apartment and having a kind of virtual shopping date on Wednesday so they could get some of the more needed furniture. After a while she could hear the tiredness in Brittany's voice and after some coaxing she softly sang her to sleep, stopping when she heard the other girl's breathing even out.
"Te amo Brittany." she whispered, before hanging up and pulling the sheet over her and letting herself drift off. Maybe she wasn't sleeping in the bed yet, but for the first time since Brittany left it was like they really connected again and it was helping her to make progress.
Day 17
On Tuesday morning Santana woke up later than she preferred, as she saw it was already close to noon. Feeling rested and a little more content she decided the extra rest was probably well worth it. She checked her phone, her eyes widening at the display that showed 11 texts from Brittany. She flicked open the screen in panic that quickly subsided into giggles as she read through a series of messages about Brittany's rationalizations on how everything from trees to a puppy she'd seen as they travelled to the next spot reminded her of Santana, before she called up her girlfriend.
"You're so silly." she said as the voice she loved most greeted her on the other line.
"Every word is true." Brittany promised. "But San, I'm having a meltdown right now. I just found out we are definitely going to Disney on Friday before we leave Florida. I may die." Santana laughed.
"Don't do that babe." Santana said as she stood and went to make herself coffee.
"I'm just really sad that you can't come." she frowned. "I've always wanted to go to Disney with you."
"Don't worry Britt Britt, we will. I promise. How long are you spending there?"
"Just a day, we have a gig around there on Saturday day and then we're leaving Florida."
"Well then, there's still going to be plenty of Disney for you and I to see." she said obviously. "Do you know how big that place is? We could spend a week there and not be bored."
"Promise we'll go?"
"Of course." Santana said, mentally filing that away in her head. "I'll make it happen, swear."
"Good." she said and then squealed. "But I'm so excited!" she said. "I keep bouncing and it's driving Kimberly and Monica crazy." she said and Santana laughed, imagining the girls she pictured to be sitting next to her girlfriend on drive.
"Well try and calm down babe, you have a few more days." she said.
They talked for a few more minutes but kept it short since Brittany wasn't on her own and Santana finished up some work on the living room before she showered and decided to head over to the old apartment before work. She took the elevator up to the familiar door and knocked, realizing she hadn't actually been back since the night they left.
"Santana!" Rachel said with surprise. "Come in!" she said, stepping back so Santana could walk past her.
"Hey." Santana said as she moved into the apartment.
"Sit." she said motioning towards the couch.
"Where's the giant?"
"Finn is at work." she said. "Want some tea? I just made myself some."
"No thanks, I'm actually on my way to work. I have to be in there in another hour." she said, checking the time on her phone as she settled into the new couch and frowning. "This couch is not nearly as comfortable as ours."
"You and Brittany truly are made for each other." Rachel said with a roll of her eyes as she settled herself into the chair adjacent. "So what's up? It's good to see you out of the house. You look better."
"Yeah." Santana smiled tightly. "About that actually, I just wanted to you know..." she said as Rachel looked at her, eyes squinting with confusion, "apologize." she said through a breath. "I was really rude the other day and you were just trying to help."
"It's okay Santana. I know how rough this is for you. And I know you don't really have anyone to vent about it to, so if that ends up being me, I'm okay with it."
"Well, I was a bitch and I was really caught up in my own head. I just...really miss Brittany." she said honestly, looking back at Rachel who gave her a sympathetic nod.
"I can't even imagine. I'd probably be the same way."
"Well, thanks for being understanding and like...trying to help or whatever." she said, eyes flickering around the place. "You haven't really added much yet huh?" she said, motioning to the walls around her and Rachel's face hardened.
"It's a sensitive topic and still up for debate. However, I can assure you under no circumstances will I ever let your old room be a 'man cave'." Rachel said, making quotes around the phrase and turning her face up in disgust. Santana stifled a laugh.
"I can't believe I'm saying this but I might actually miss the breed of insanity that lives in this apartment." she said shaking hear head and Rachel smiled.
"So, you're doing better?"
"Yeah." Santana sighed, giving into the fact that she'd have to explain. "Britts and I spent a lot of time talking yesterday – like really talking – and I think it was good." She went on to tell her a little about what they discussed and how she'd started to work on the house.
"Well if you need any help, I'm more than happy to lend a hand. I have superb decorating tastes."
"Thanks Berry, but if I remember correctly I nearly murdered you when we decorated this place, so I don't know how much of a good idea that is."
"Very true." Rachel agreed.
"But I do think I could maybe do with a little human interaction every now and then. Besides work." she admitted gently, hoping Rachel wouldn't make a big deal of it.
"I'd have to agree." Rachel said and Santana smiled gratefully.
"I was thinking of maybe we could all go do something Friday night?" Santana shrugged.
"That sounds like fun. We'd love to come. As long as Finn isn't working of course, but I'll be around either way. We could check out that new cowboy bar that opened a few blocks down and get dinner or something."
"Cool." Santana said awkwardly, suddenly feeling like she was in an alternate universe because she'd just asked Rachel Berry to hang out...for fun. She really was desperate. She shook it off and they talked exchanged casual conversation for a while before Santana headed off to work, checking in with Brittany once more on her way there.
Day 24
Santana awoke to a banging on the front door.
"Okay, calm down, I'm coming!" she grumbled, standing up and making her way over to the door.
"Santana Lopez?" The guy asked, standing behind a vase with roses and a small stuffed tiger attached to it.
"That's me." She said, looking on in curiosity.
"For you." He said, sticking out the flowers and handing her a box before giving her a slip to sign. She thanked him and headed back inside, placing the flowers on the counter and smirking as she plucked out the small card attached to the tiger's hand and opened it to read the printed message.
I can't stop thinking about you. 61 more
days till I can kiss you again.
Love you & miss you SO much.
Brittany
XOXOXO
She shook her head and smiled, feeling silly about the blush she was unable to contain even though no one was around. If getting flowers from Brittany could make her blush after all this time, she figured it was a good sign.
Looking back up at the flowers, she squeezed the soft stuffed animal and detached it from the arrangmenet to lay it on the counter. She picked up the lid on the box to find an assortment of cookies inside and sighed before grabbing one and stuffing it into her mouth. As she chewed she grabbed her phone and hit the first number that came up.
"Good morning!" A chipper, but out of breath Brittany answered.
"Morning." Santana mumbled through a full mouth. "Why are you out of breath?"
"Going for a run." She said, catching back up.
"Great, you're exercising and I'm stuffing my face." She frowned. "Are you trying to get me fat?"
"You got my present?" Brittany asked excitedly.
"I did." Santana nodded. "Thank you baby, you didn't have to but the flowers are beautiful."
"Just wanted you to know I was thinking of you…you know, like pretty much always." Brittany smiled.
"I'm always thinking of you too." Santana said softly before putting the lid back on the box. "But you gotta stop with the sweets. I still have the cupcakes you sent the other day."
"But you love those cupcakes."
"I do." Santana admitted. "But still, I'm going to need to work double time at the gym." She said, walking over to the mirror in the bedroom and checking herself out.
"I'm sure you'll be fine." Brittany dismissed. "What about Rajah?"
"What?" Santana asked.
"Rajah!"
"The tiger from Aladdin?"
"Yeah." Brittany said and frowned. "Oh no, did you not get the tiger?"
"Oh! No, I totally got the tiger." She said. "He's cute."
"Good." She said with a satisfied smile. "He's there to look out for you. You can cuddle him at night and think of me." Santana grinned.
"Did I ever tell you how much I love you?"
"Maybe once or twice."
Day 31
Santana had been taking Brittany's advice, going out and socializing a bit more and playing a few gigs with the band. Being apart still sucked but she had to admit it did help pass time faster and their much improved communication seemed to make things flow much more easily than it had in the beginning. Sure there were miserable days, but for the most part things were better.
Being that she had Wednesday night off Santana decided to take a breather and hang in for the night. She was hoping to maybe Skype with Brittany, although she was slightly disappointed to find out that her girlfriend was planning on taking advantage of her own night by going out in Austin, where she was currently located.
They had a quick Skype session as Brittany got ready and Santana bit her tongue about her disappointment, not wanting to take away from Brittany's chance to enjoy herself. She did however, pout and voice her displeasure at her girlfriend leaving for the bars looking far too sexy for her tastes on a night on the town without her.
Brittany reassured her that she had nothing to worry about and promised to check in with her periodically through texts before placing a kiss on the camera screen and saying goodbye. Santana tried to shake the unecessary discomfort she felt every time she head Brittany was out partying and distracted herself with a Kardashians marathon while trading a few texts with Brittany. Once the clock hit 1 AM she felt her eyes get heavy and texted Brittany to say goodnight before letting herself nod out for the evening.
A few hours later she awoke to the blaring tune of Landslide coming out of her phone and squinted as she saw Brittany's smiling face appear on the display. She squinted at the clock across the room an saw it read 3:25.
"Hello?" she answered groggily.
"There you are!" Brittany slurred happily.
"Are you okay?" Santana grumbled. "It's 3:30 in the morning."
"Silly rabbit, it's only 2:26!" She screamed and Santana could still barely hear her over what sounded like chaos in the background.
"No Brittany, where you are it's 2:26, but I'm in New York and it's 3:26."
"What?" Brittany asked, clearly not keeping up.
"Never mind." Santana said. "What's up?" she asked before she heard a loud cheer errupt behind Brittany. "Where are you?"
"My room." Brittany said as if it was obvious.
"With who?"
"Oh yeah…the bars closed and we decided to hang out back here instead. So there's like...too many people to count in here right now." Santana bit her lip.
"So why are you calling?"
"Can't I just call and talk to you?" she giggled. "Why are you being such a party pooper?"
"A party pooper? Maybe because it's the middle of the night and you're calling me from your hotel room full of people and you're clearly hammered. Have you forgotten your tendency to lose articles of clothing when you drink?" Santana huffed, unable to stop the partially irrational rage from flowing out of her.
"I'm…not…hammered." Brittany hiccuped. "I'm just a little buzzed…whoops…" Brittany said, and there was a crash.
"What was that?"
"Just a lamp I didn't see there…" she said distractedly and Santana could hear other people calling Brittany's name in the background. "Ugh, Santana, I'm going to put you on hold because I'm getting my beer pong turn now."
"Brittany, I don't think you need to drink anymore."
"I don't think you need to tell me what to do." Brittany sang back at her playfully.
"Did you call me and wake me up in the middle of the night just to piss me off?" Santana snapped.
"No! But since you're being such a grumpy pants it's not like it's hard."
"Brittany come on, off the phone, over to the table!"
"Who the hell was that?"
"That's just Scott, I told you it's beer pong time."
"You tell Scott if he orders you around one more time, I'm going to end him!" Santana spoke firmly.
"Stop acting crazy." Brittany scolded. "I hate when you act like this."
"And I hate when you call me in the middle of the night and can barely form coherent sentences so I guess we're even."
"Brittany!"
"Oh I'm going to go all Lima Heights on this asshole. Put him on the phone!" Santana yelled and popped up to pace across the floor.
"Scott! I'm talking to Santana. Shut up!" Brittany yelled. "See? Took care of it."
Santana began mumbling in Spanish.
"Stop speaking Spanish! You know I can't understand you when you do that!" Brittany yelled.
"I think you need to tell the party to go somewhere else and go to bed. I am not comfortable with this." Santana said evenly.
"Santana, stop acting like I'm going to do something bad. I'm not doing anything bad."
"Did you really have to call me and subject me to listening to this? How did you think I was going to feel?"
"I just wanted to tell you I love you." Brittany said innocently and Santana sighed. "I didn't think about anything." She spoke and it sounded much clearer like Brittany must have stepped outside.
"Yeah, well maybe that's the problem." She huffed.
"I love you." Brittany slurred and Santana just sighed and sat in silence. "Hello?"
"I'm here."
"Why aren't you saying it back?" Brittany asked in a tiny voice.
"I'm sorry if I'm not in a very loving mood right now."
"You're being a jerk."
"And you're being selfish."
"You know what? Calling you was a mistake."
"And you're just figuring that out?" Santana barked. "Good job Britt, way to keep up."
"I'll talk to you tomorrow Santana."
"Wait a minute. Now you've got me on the phone and all aggravated, you're just going to hang up? How much long are you going to be up drinking for?"
"I don't know. Maybe 1 hour, maybe 3 hours, maybe 5." She stated factually. "However long I feel like drinking for."
"Why are you being such a bitch?"
"Why are you being so controlling? I'm not doing anything wrong!"
"You know what, there's no point in talking to you right now, you're wasted and you're not listening to me anyway." Santana spat. "Don't bother calling to apologize tomorrow. I'm over it." She said, quickly hitting end and tossing her phone on the table.
She laid back down on the couch in a huff and let her eyes fall on her phone as she waited for it to light up with a call or text from Brittany. She waited and waited but after an hour her heart sank and realization set in that she wasn't calling back. Thinking back over the conversation she turned around facing the back of the couch as she attempted to get some rest for the night, knowing already she wouldn't be successful.
Day 32
Santana finally had faded to sleep somewhere around 5:30 and woke up at 12 when she felt Sebastian's paw tapping her in the face as Ariel paced the floor crying as they waited to be fed. She groaned and got up, feeding the cats before collapsing back down on the couch once more and grabbing her phone on the way.
She hit the button and was taken aback to find nothing but the time and the smiling picture of her and Brittany appear. Biting her lip and laying the phone down next to her she considered the fact that Brittany still hadn't contacted her and chalked it up to the fact that she was probably still sleeping off her hangover.
After falling into a somewhat comatose state and watching TV for a while, she got up and got ready to head into work. She thought about calling Brittany just to make sure she was okay, but her stubborness got the best of her and she ignored the instinct, choosing instead to grab something to eat and head over to the bar. After distractedly working through the first few hours of her shift she looked at the time seeing it was 10 PM and picked up her phone once more to see no messages. Finally, she could take it no longer and took her break in the back alley.
To Brittany 3 (10:03): Are you alive?
Brittany 3 (10:04): Yep
Santana frowned and studied her screen, considering the short response. She felt relief at the fact Brittany answered but the short response was infuriating. She considered her next move before taking a breath and typing out another text as took a puff of the cigarette in her hand.
To Brittany 3 (10:06): So are we not talking today or something?
Brittany 3 (10:06): Whatever you want
Santana sighed in frustration, tossing her cigarette aside and shoving the phone into the pocket of her shorts before heading back inside. If Brittany wanted to play it this way, she would too. She made her way back behind the bar and tossed her phone on the back counter, ignoring it for the rest of her shift.
By 3:30 most of the customers had cleared and she took a few shots with Trevor to end her night and made her way home with a slight buzz. Once she got in, she tossed some food out to the cats and had a couple of drinks to decompress before letting herself pass out on the couch. As she drifted off to sleep she thought about Brittany and how strange it felt not talking to her and realized she couldn't remember the last time they went a day without speaking.
Sighing as she turned around to attempt to get comfortable all she could think about was how much she hated this. Nearly 2,000 miles away in Austin, Brittany lay awake in bed, fiddling with her phone thinking the same thing.
Day 33
Santana woke up, stretching her arms in the air and looking over to see it was nearly 2 in the afternoon. She was shocked at the time but she guessed her body must have needed it. Rolling over she felt something under her and pulled out the stuffed tiger Brittany had sent her and sighed.
She reached over and grabbed her phone from the table, swiping her hand across the bottom to unlock it but it buzzed in her hands before she could even get to Brittany's number and that goofy smiling face was staring back at her. A small amount of relief washed over her and she pressed the answer button nervously.
"Hey." She croaked out.
"Hey." Brittany said softly.
"What are you doing?" she asked, pulling the sheet back over herself and settling in.
"Just chilling in the motel room." Brittany said without much emotion. "We're in Oklahoma. We got in this morning. Everyone else went to go check out the town."
"I'm sorry." Santana spoke after a moment of silence.
"Me too." Brittany added.
They sat in silence for a moment, neither one quite sure where to take the conversation next.
"I was an asshole the other night." Santana said. "I should have trusted you. It's just…it's really hard hearing you having fun with all those people and being drunk while I'm sitting here sometimes."
"I understand." Brittany said. "I shouldn't have called you. I mean…it was stupid and I was drunk dialing and I missed you and I just thought it was this brilliant idea to call you and tell you. But you know how well brilliant ideas work after a night of drinking…"
"Yeah." Santana said gently. "I definitely do."
"I'm sorry I was a brat yesterday. I was just annoyed."
"It's okay. I was a brat too." She conceeded.
"This is so hard sometimes." Brittany admitted. "I mean, it's just…hard."
"I know." Santana agreed and sighed. "So what ended up happening the other night?"
"Nothing. I went in and played one game of beer pong but I wasn't really feeling it so I just went and crashed in the room next door. I traded with one of the girls. There were some people aleady asleep in there." She paused. "I know that wasn't cool, for you to hear all that drunken crap." Brittany rolled her eyes. "I'd hate it too I'm sure."
"I was pretty irrational. But the party in the room kind of set me off." She shrugged, even though Brittany couldn't see her. "If it was a normal drunk dial I probably would have eventually found it cute."
"I love you." Brittany said seriously. "So much."
"I love you too Britt."
"That was the first time in I don't know how long that we went without any real communication at all for a day. Even when we had that big fight after we moved here, I still saw you and stuff. But yesterday I just…I hate it. I don't want to ever do that again."
"Me neither." Santana said right away. "It was miserable.'
"Doing that – not talking or communicating or anything. That's not healthy. It can't be."
"I know. We're learning baby." Santana said with a sigh. "A lot of this is new to us. But we're figuring it out and feeling our way around it. It's okay."
"We're okay?"
"We'll be fine. I'm just really emotional and that triggered me. I promise I won't be so controlling anymore. I trust you Brittany. I really do." She paused. "But that still doesn't mean I like the idea of people looking at you or flirting with you…but not much I can do about that is there?"
"Scott's fiance is on this trip." She said factually. "Just for the record." Santana laughed.
"It's not about him Brittany. If it's not him, it's someone else. It's just silly and I can't control it obviously…but I still hate it."
"Well I can't control other people either. But the most important part is that I don't look at anyone and I don't flirt with anyone, because I have everything I need with you." Santana smiled.
"Good." She said softly. "Me too."
"And don't worry about my stripper personality. That's only for your eyes now." Santana giggled.
"Better be."
"I promise I'll be more sensitive to you." Brittany said seriously. "I won't put you in the middle of crap anymore. I'll try and think more before I do things."
"Okay." Santana said. "I think we both learned our lesson babe."
"I wish we could kiss you." Brittany said without thinking. "It doesn't feel like making up without kissing you."
"I wish you could too."
Day 39
She sat alone in the living room once more, watching the images flashing across her TV screen as tears streamed down her face.
Meow
"Don't judge me." She said looking at Sebastian. "Yesterday was a good day. Today is a bad one." He bashed his head against hers and she couldn't help but chuckle through her tears. "Thanks."