Summary:
Where Kylo lets Rey express herself, our duo explores the tunnels, Kylo pulls a Seinfeld approved move and stops short, and Rey could really use a self-help guru to show her the way to inner peace.
Grief was supposed to be a five-step process.
Denial was the first, stage of the journey, and it Rey hard and fast with the destruction of the power cell.
"I can fix this," she told herself out loud. "It's nothing. I can fix this."
She had snatched the two halves out of Kylo's hand and taken them to the brightest area of the dim space. The central power fluid had leaked out. All of it. She would need to… fix... the fluid was gone. No.
"You can't repair this, Rey." Kylo hovers behind her slumping form like a fretful parent. "You're good, gods know that you are, but you're not-"
She waves him back with a snap of her hand.
"Shut your trap Kylo and let me think."
Next she pulled out her multitool. Dragged it out of the satchel with such aggression that the fabric of Kylo's cowl tore slightly. Then she spent a few good moments staring between it and the power cell. The bisected power cell.
Bisected as in cut in half.
"Rey-"
"Trap. Shut. Space. Gimme."
It's not broken. It's only in two pieces with no fluid. It's not broken.
Maybe she could…
…
The urge to scream began to bubble up in her but that would be unnecessary. She can fix this.
How? How can she possibly-
No, Rey. Don't go down that road. Think your way out of this. What does she need? More power fluid, new housing, a new mechanism, a new energy reserve tank.
She just... described a new power cell. She needs a new power cell. That's what she needs.
Finally, her eyes began to burn. It must be from the storm. Like, a delayed reaction.
"Rey."
His hands extends then retracts when she growls. He wants to touch her. Wants to drag her away from her project because he doesn't think she can do this.
"I-" her voice is scratchy and high, and she swallows compulsively to force down the lump in her throat, "I can still make this work."
"Okay."
Rey glares at him then. He doesn't believe her.
"Is that pity in your eyes, Kylo?"
Her bondmate visibly recoils as the words strike him. His gaze drops from her to the cavern floor.
"Kylo."
At the bark of his name he takes a step forward. Just the one. Doesn't dare to take another.
"It's broken, Rey. But we'll figure something out. This isn't your fault so don't… beat yourself up over it?"
Oh, is that what he thought she was doing as she was crouching here, literally trembling over the broken husk of her only remaining hopes and dreams?
This brings her promptly to stage two of grief: the anger.
No, not anger. This isn't anger. This is rage.
Rey's control had broken all at once. She had started screaming at him then, her patience collapsing faster than the fall into this pit that had lead to their ruination. She can hear her blood rushing in her ears, the very walls of the cavern shaking around them as her fury flares out in spikes.
And she thinks she had shouted some pretty hurtful things at Kylo, but she's not sure. Wasn't really paying attention to the words that left her mouth. She just needed to verbalize her feelings. To lash out at anyone and everything.
Most of her verbal assault was centered on how of course this wasn't her fault because how could it be when this and everything wrong in the universe was his. But her exact accusation faded from her mind as quickly as she said it, along with all other rational thought beyond expressing what had been building for so long to get to this point.
It's so easy for Rey to lay into him. He's her enemy. They're not friends, they're not allies, they're not lovers. He's the Supreme Leader and his side is responsible for killing off her friends.
She uses that truth to fuel her rage. To fan oxygen onto the flames of her anger. It's so much easier to be furious than to accept the truth that they're now stranded out here. No wonder her other half goes off on tantrums all the time. They're a shortcut to mental release.
Kylo hadn't fought back. No, he'd simply stared at her, his expression gradually transforming from cold to wounded as she laid into him. He painted an ironic picture of bleakness juxtaposed by the almost comedic sight of the Supreme Leader waiting in a pool of waist-deep water for her temper fit to subside.
Finally Rey curses herself hoarse and the cavern is silent once more.
Rey slumps then when it's all over. Stage four: depression. Three apparently decided to skip itself entirely because where the hell could she bargain for what she needs anyhow? No, this was different. This was exhaustion of a different level. She'd done it. She'd finally just said everything that she'd wanted to. Put it all out there but it didn't make her feel even a shade of better. No, rather, she felt drained. Emotionally vacant.
She doesn't even have the energy to yell at him anymore. Instead, Rey simply shoves, closing their connection and taking a cruel sort of satisfaction at how he winces when the door between them slams shut.
As time went on, Rey began to feel pretty crummy about what she'd said.
Not that she exactly remembered her words specifically, it had been one of those near-blackout-with-fury kind of things, but still she makes a point of being a little nicer to Kylo.
So she tries to talk to him. Tries to be chatty. She leaves her side of their Bond open and can feel him nudging at it from time to time, testing how much he can get away with without her noticing his presence. Which is of course nothing at all, but she doesn't let onto that.
Little by little, he stops being so hurt. His mood lightens from full on Doom and Gloom Mode Ren to another version of himself. Someone who seems almost intrigued by the change in their scenery.
Like with everything else on this planet, these caves are something else. They couldn't be standard, boring, rocky fissures with nothing but darkness and dirt, oh no. These caves carry on their above ground twin's proclivity for being a psychotropia of weirdness.
For starters, they glow. Some of the rocks emanate their own fluorescence, illuminating their way and presumably providing energy for the scattered plants and occasional other lifeforms.
Rey crouches next to one of the radiant stalagmites. This one is green and casts a dull aura in the air immediately around it. It's not much, but when you put all the glowing rocks and the lightbulb-like plants that flare up grandly when she walks near them together, it makes for the caverns to remarkably effectively lit.
"Ow."
Behind her Kylo recoils his hand, shaking it like something has stung him. When she gets closer she sees that it's a plant. A vine. It's shrinking away from him, curling up on itself.
"Oh," Rey says, "it's one of those flowers from up above."
It is. One of those red and white striped ones that Kylo had put in her hair before. She didn't recall it being mobile up on the surface, but it seems like down here everything is a slightly different interpretation of itself. She'll have to keep that in mind in case any of her self-named friends wanders across their path.
Rey swings her bamboo jungle canteen off her shoulders and takes a sip of water. At least down here there was plenty of drinkable water, though the underground river had dipped in and out of their path as they traveled.
"I was going to put it in your hair," Kylo mumbles, yanking the canteen from her hands when she offers it to him.
So… still kind of salty after her litany against him earlier, huh?
"That would have been… sweet," she offers as a peace token.
Kylo could be sweet. He could be. She knew that he had it in him. He just chooses to be an asshole most of the time.
Before they go, Rey makes a cairn from fallen rocks. She's been vigilantly marking their path as they go and ,who knows, maybe some decades in the future lost traveler will see her little markings and be all 'WTF'? That would be pretty funny.
"Sometimes, Scavenger, you think such lunacy."
She mentally flips him off. If he wants to be in her head, that's what he gets. Maybe he won't always like what he finds in there and that will serve him absolutely right.
They continue on their way, this time standing just a little bit closer to each other than they had before.
Rey had met one of her old friends.
It was the squiggle. The curious little Question Thingy that had greeted her by the stream above, excerpt its subterranean cousin was white and black and glowed red when she approached and tried to offer it her hand.
"Better not, Lightsider. I don't think this one is too friendly."
Rey pouts. It's true. The creature- and truly this is one of the strangest ones on an already strange planet- but this creature is recoiling, making a show of its strength in warning to her proximity.
Then Kylo activates his lightsaber and the creature releases a horrific stench and darts away, zig-zagging in a flurry of legs from one rock to another as it flees.
"Kylo!"
Rey glares at him, pushing herself back up to standing and crossing her arms over her chest.
"What? I wanted to eat it."
Her scowl turns into a sneer.
"Did that Question Thing look edible? It reeks like a flipping bantha and I wanted it to be my friend."
He deactivates his saber with a nonchalant shrug. Rey has to fight the urge to stomp on his foot or kick him in the shin.
"And I wanted it to be dinner. We're going to have to find something to eat down here, Rey. And so far all I'm seeing are some fireflies, flowers, and your friend. The three F's."
"I've got a fourth one in mind too," she mutters, turning away crisply so she doesn't have to see the growing smirk on his face.
The cave had been getting narrower and sometimes there's an odd, eerie rushing sound above their heads.
"Do you think that we're below the river now?" she asks, craning her neck.
Kylo, who had been walking ahead of her, stops suddenly, his arm stretching back to steady her as she bumps into him.
They both stop and listen. Rushing. A distant rumbling. It's not getting closer, though. But they had been going in a downward direction and now the air is denser and cooler, the plants and animals less frequent, and moisture is leaking from a myriad of cracks in the cave walls.
When Rey presses her hand to the sides, the rocks are trembling slightly.
"I don't like it here," she says.
Kylo listens, then shakes his head sharply in agreement. The movement reverberates down his arm, connecting with her because he's still holding her behind him. It's at this exact moment that Rey realizes that, when he'd stopped, he'd reached back and had actually been grabbing one of her tits this whole time.
"Kylo."
He cocks his head, listening with one ear pointed up and not noticing the same thing she's noticing.
"I think," his voice is serious, "that we should get out of here. This tunnel seems stable enough, but let's not push our luck."
"Speaking of pushing your luck..."
She grabs his hand and shoves it off of her with a flick of her wrist. Kylo looks back, that same, stupid, confused look of 'thickheaded git' that she's come to know so well furrowing itself across his features.
They continue on their way like they so often always do: with Rey's cheeks burning and Kylo being a portrait of dumb oblivion.
Predictably, since nothing in Rey's life could ever be allowed to go smoothly, they had gotten lost.
She and Kylo had walked for an indeterminable amount of time. The tunnel had split and split and split, but they'd always chose the rightmost path. Then they'd hit a dead end.
Okay, no big deal. They'll just retrace their steps.
They'd returned, choosing left this time. It lead them to a grand chamber of a room that should have looked familiar except it absolutely didn't.
"No. It's not possible. We only did two turns. We're not lost. Let's just turn around and try it again."
Kylo had been the one to say it, but apparently Rey had gone back to Grief Stage One: Denial because she had readily agreed with him.
So they went back. Okay, now this narrow passage only has three options, all three of which they've tried. By process of elimination, going back to the second of the splits should take them back to the dead end and the first back to where they-
"Rey, do you remember seeing this caved-in section?"
For a second her blood runs cold. This was supposedly the way they came, but this giant rock most certainly hadn't been there before. It nearly blocks the whole passage, with barely enough space for them to squeeze around.
Is this place collapsing? Like, had there been some major tremor and they hadn't noticed it? Could they get squished to a paste at any moment and this is how they finally die on this godsforsaken hell rock?
Then it hits her. The sound of distant rushing water.
She looks at Kylo and he's activated his saber, using it to cast a light on the dirt floor they're standing on.
The only footprints are theirs from right now, pointing in the direction of the boulder and not away from it.
"We haven't been here before," they both say in unison.
They haven't. This is all new. Somehow they've gotten horribly, horribly turned around.
"We're lost."
Suddenly Rey can't breathe. There's just not enough air down here.
They can't be lost! They can't be! They've only seen one way out and that was back there, whenever there is, where they first fell through the surface. Hours and hours ago.
Kylo catches her shoulder, trying to draw her closer. Rey realizes that she had been trembling, shaking violently as the full horror of the situation dawns upon her.
"We have to turn around," she gasps, feeling simultaneously lightheaded and like her feet are buried in concrete.
"Which-"
"I don't care, Kylo!" she slaps his hand away, staggering backwards into the dimly passage they had just come from. "One of those tunnels back there has to be the right one. We find it and we go back. We'll wait the storm out if we have to, but I want to get out of here right now. Right now."
Rey doesn't wait to hear his answer. A primal need is gripping her. She has to prove this to herself: they're not lost. They're not trapped down here. They can get out at anytime.
She grips the hilt of her lightsaber as she stomps away from the boulder and back into the branching side passage. The weight of it in her palm comforts her, as does Kylo's obedient silence as he shadows her.
Suddenly these caves aren't so pretty anymore. The glowing rocks aren't so fantastical, the lightbulb plants are a nuisance ruining her night vision, and even the gorgeous flowers aren't so captivating. All Rey wants to do is get back out into the open air and so that's exactly what they're going to do. No matter what.
They followed their returning footprints until the tracks were lost on an area of hard, compact bedrock.
They never found them again.
They walked.
They walked and they walked until they're feet hurt and Rey's nerves were frayed more than the severed wires that had once linked the two halves of their power cell.
She still didn't admit defeat, though. Still hadn't reached the fifth stage. They weren't lost. They weren't.
It was all going to be okay. Somehow.
Rey starts to cry.
She hadn't cried once since crash landing into this planet, but now she does.
"We're lost and we're going to die on this planet," she whimpers, her words muffled by the breadth of Kylo's chest.
Stage five: acceptance. It was the bitterest of all the stages.
He hugs her to him, not letting her token resistance get in the way of the physical comfort she so badly needs at that moment.
"Are you enjoying this?" she mumbles, "enjoying watching me suffer and cry in your arms?"
He holds her tighter than, but for all of his feigned grimness Rey can sense an ember of happiness burning inside his mind.
"I've always wanted to do this," he confesses, "to comfort someone when they needed it."
"You're useless. I hate you."
Her words come out choked. She feels his lips curve into a smile against the top of her head.
"You don't mean that. I know you don't. Not even a little bit."
"Gods Kylo, just shut up."
And he does. Bless him, he does.
He holds her in happy silence until her fit is over and she's ready to continue on.
Continue on to where? They're lost.
"To the next bend in the road, Rey. And then we'll take each one from there as they happen."
It's night.
Or, if it isn't night since the glowing rocks never seem to change and time seems to no longer have meaning underground, they have finally come to a point where they have to stop walking or fall over in pure exhaustion.
Rey slumps to her knees, her whole bodyweight practically collapsing.
Today had easily been one of the worst in her life, and gods only know that she's had a few bad ones. But this… this just kept on going. One hit after another.
"We're safer in here, at least for the time being."
Kylo stands above her, one of his hands falling upon her shoulder and steadying her as she starts to sway. Rey sinks the rest of the way, sitting on the hard and compact stone floor of the cavern and not giving a care if her already dirty clothes are made even dingier.
"Do you really think that?" she asks, turning her head slightly as he sinks down next to her.
"I… perhaps. At least there are no piss cats here."
"No toxic storms."
"No heat waves and humidity clinging to our skin."
Rey blinks, her eyes feeling dry and scratchy. The air down here was breathable, but some places in the cave system were fresher than others. This particular cavern was not one of them.
Her shoulders slump in defeat and she lets her head loll to the side, resting her forehead against his wrist.
"Rey?"
His other arm comes up, catching her elbow. It's a half-hug, and an awkward one at that. Maybe that's all he thinks he can get away with, but after everything Rey would have preferred the real deal.
"You only need to ask, beloved."
He embraces her fully from behind and Rey's eyes widen even though her body all but melts into the warm touch.
"Did you just call me-"
"Yes."
She swallows. Kylo rests his chin on her shoulder. She can't bring herself to look at him, instead preferring to stare out into the wide chasm of glowing lights.
"Do you-"
"Yes."
She shouldn't have said anything. Shouldn't have even thought it.
The silence that falls between is pleasant, though. So are his arms around her. He doesn't squeeze. Sometimes Kylo is too rough with her. Picking her up and holding her tight until she bruises.
"I'm sorry," he mumbles the words against the back of her shoulder, sending soft vibrates through her vertebrae. "I'm sorry. I don't- I never mean to hurt you."
"I get it, Kylo. It's because I try to run away, isn't that right?"
When he swallows deeply it tickles. Rey's stomach flip-flops and her fingers worry themselves against the scratchy stone floor.
"Sometimes," he admits after a spell.
There's more to it than that, Rey is sure of it. That's just touching the very surface of the issue.
But she doesn't want to talk about that now. It's far, far too exhausting to take on the role of Dr. Rey, psychiatrist to the criminally insane First Order elite.
He still makes no move to let her go, not even when she politely tries to wriggle free of him to lay out their meager materials for bedrolls.
"Kylo..."
He rocks back on his heels and hauls her into his arms, turning her so she's facing him. This naturally brings both of their chins to rest on the others shoulders.
Rey doesn't know what to do with her hands. Her palms itch, their Bond whispering unwelcome suggestions into her ears.
"We should sleep," she says weakly.
There he goes again, holding her a little too tight. It makes her voice come out raspy and then her breath hitches when he starts to stroke her back.
Kylo.
He shakes his head, loosening his hold on her only enough to make her breath come easier.
"Rey, the last time-"
His voice breaks almost immediately. She can hear his breath coming shorter and sharper next to her ear. Rey catches a glimpse of his thoughts before he pushes her away gently.
The last time he'd held onto anyone for this long it was his mother decades ago.
Rey feels her eyes start to burn, her own throat closing up in sympathy. Their Bond tugs harder, figuratively or possibly literally tugging on her heart.
Just what is she supposed to say to that? Yeah Kylo, me too? Physical displays of comfort have been limited to brief embraces with her various Resistance friends. Or warmer but still short-lived moments with his mother. Master Luke… well, he had given her a hearty shoulder pat at one point. That still counts, right?
Unable to stand it anymore, Rey allows her arms to come up around him. When he swallows, it sounds exceptionally loud in her ear.
"Are we just going to sleep like this? Holding each other? Won't our asses get stiff after a while?"
His laugh is a deep rumble that would put a thunderstorm to shame.
"Probably."
Honestly? Right now Rey doesn't care. Not when there's something else she needs to say. Something that has been bugging her this whole time since crashing down from above into this cave system.
"Kylo… I'm sorry for what I said earlier. All those nasty things I called you. I was angry and I don't actually remember what I said but I'm sure that maybe a few of them were out of line. Maybe. And maybe one or two of them weren't even true."
A beat passes between them. Rey waits patiently. His heartbeat thunders in her ears. He's not going anywhere.
"Oh?" he says after a few moments. "You mean like when you called me an intergalactic idiot who will never be more than a waste on society and everything I touch turns to fucked up? Or how if I, how did you say it, or how I'm such a die-hard screw up that I should just do the universe a favor and schedule my next vacation in the center of a black hole? Don't worry about that, Rey. I've already forgotten all about it."
Her brows pull together. Did she really-
"Yes. You did. But that's fine. When I'm angry I destroy things with my blade, when you're angry you annihilate feelings with your forked tongue."
Ouch.
She mumbles another 'I'm sorry' against his neck, borrowing her face in deeper to hide how her cheeks are tinting.
Words hurt. She should be a better Jedi than this. Master Luke wouldn't have been proud of her for saying these hurtful, factually true things to his nephew.
Kylo scoffs, his lips skimming against her temple.
"You sure about that one, Lightsider? Because I'm pretty sure Luke had more than one choice phrase ready for me in the afterlife."
Rey smiles but falls silent, her eyelids gradually growing heavy as the weight of the day begins to win its battle over her.
Kylo mutters something under his breath and she snuggles her face in closer. Fine, if Kylo wants to tuck her in and be her mattress, that's fine. At least the lugheaded, nerf-brained, nerve-burned git is useful for something.
These caves are much cooler, too, so his bodyheat pulls double duty. Her little heating pad. Or big heating pad, to be honest, because, when he leans back and flops her against his cheat and she curls in tight, she feels so small against him.
It's been a long day. An awful day. Kylo's back is still hurting him, too, she can feel the aching burn through their connection.
Hey, he chose to be her mattress. Chose it because he was a stubborn fool who couldn't make the right decision to literally save his life.
"Shhh," he murmurs, his lips pressing against her temple.
There's the weight of the Force to his words, but this time Rey doesn't fight it. She falls asleep immediately, embracing the darkness that surrounds her from all sides.
Author's Note:
Poor Rey, it's getting harder and harder for her to resist her Ardent Lothario isn't it?
Next chapter:
Kylo and Rey continue on their subterranean trek, encountering many strange sights and bouts of sexual tension along the way.