I looked around the room at the off-white walls, a neutral color to keep patients calm. It didn't keep me calm, though. Nothing in the office could've kept me calm. I know I needed to talk, but I still wasn't convinced I was ready.

It sounded hypocritical, but that was because I was a hypocrite since I continued to argue with people about my readiness for work and yet, I wasn't ready to talk about everything that happened that night.

"Is there something else you wanted to talk about, Catherine," the department psychologist soothingly asked.

"Yes," I said after a beat. "But...I'm not sure I want to tell you about it. ...No offense," I honestly answered.

"None taken. I'm not out to get you, though. I hope you realize that."

"I know, but with all do respect, what we discuss in here is reflected in a report that my boss will see. Talking about the attack is one thing to have on file here, but having something personal and not work related on the record makes me uncomfortable."

"Understood. Would you like to see another psychologist before you talk to me about Peter Landau?"

"If it's all right with you," I stated.

"It's fine. Reschedule when you're ready...and Catherine?"

"Yes."

"Take all the time you need. It's not a race."

I forced a smile to let him know I was thankful for his advice before verbalizing it.

"Thank you," I said as I stood.
"Here's a card to someone who I think you'll like and can help you. Their records stay confidential so you don't have to worry about it getting back to me or your boss," he informed me as he handed me the card over his desk.

"Thank you again. I appreciate it."

He nodded and stepped around his desk as he gestured toward the door.

I followed his gesture with him close behind me.

"I'm looking forward to your call, Ms. Willows," he said as I headed into the hallway.

"I'll be relieved to make that call," I confessed with a genuine smile.

I didn't waste anytime between the departmental shrink and the next therapist on my list. I know it would be more cost effective to call my sister, or even my mom if she'd listen, but there would be too many questions and confused looks. If I told them about the kiss, they'd both be sure to ask if I'd turned into a lesbian that loved flannel shirts and Home Depot, or if I had gone completely insane. In their worlds, that almost meant the same thing.

As I entered the building, I stared down at the business card in my hand to double check the name.

"Dr. Sandra Blocker's office," the receptionist informed someone over the phone.

I was definitely in the right place.

The walls there were painted a light, sky blue with white accents along the horizontal axis. I dropped my arms at my sides and slipped the card into my back pocket as I approached the receptionist.

"Tomorrow at three thirty? Yes, she can do that. Okay. Bye now," the receptionist hung up.

I made eye contact with her and she smiled.

"Do you have an appointment," she politely asked.

"No, I was just referred to Dr. Blocker through another psychologist. I came straight here."

"I'm afraid she's booked today, ma'am. Would you like to schedule an appointment with her?"

"There's no way I can get in to see her today," I asked with fleeting hope.

A door on the other side of the desk opened and a little boy no older than twelve walked out, an athletic looking woman a bit above average height behind him.

"I'll see you next week, okay," she smiled as she guided the boy out to his mother. "He's doing very well, Mrs. Mendoza."

The blonde, athletic-looking woman turned to the receptionist and locked eyes with me.

"Hi, are you my two-thirty appointment," she asked me.

"I don't actually have an appointment but if you're not busy I'd love it if you can see me," I said with slight desperation.

She checked her watch.

"I've got about twenty minutes," she said. "You think that'll suffice?"

"Yes. Thank you," I genuinely smiled as I started to follow her into the back.

"What would like to talk about," she asked as I entered the office.

She shut the door behind me and motioned toward the two chairs in front of her desk.

"Let me see if I can accurately sum it up with only twenty minutes on the clock," I started. "One of my coworkers...saved my life. She's been great since I was...abducted and...last night...we...kissed."

It felt good and wrong at the same time when I heard it out loud. In my head it only sounded wrong.

"And you feel you've overstepped a boundary," she asked.

"She's my female coworker. I'd say the boundary was set at the fact that we're the same sex! Not to mention the fact that she has a husband and probably thinks I'm a crazy lesbian who hits on all her friends."

"Do you like women," she calmly asked.

"I have a boyfriend," I blurted in defense as though I was afraid of the truth I'd find in answering her question.

"Okay," she slowly started. "Do you like her?"

"Of course I do. She's my friend."

"As more than a friend."

"Oh."

I didn't know what to say. I'd never thought about Sara in a romantic way. I didn't think I could.

"I don't know," I finally answered. "I kissed her and I liked it, but I don't understand why. I have a nice, helpful boyfriend who knows what I like in every sense of the phrase, and yet, I kissed her. Of all the people I could cheat on him with and I pick her, the unavailable and only other female CSI on the team."

...

"She...kissed you?"

"Yes, but I kissed her back" Sara slowly explained over the phone as she sat on the edge of her bed.

"Okay," he hesitated. "What...what, uh, does that mean to you?"

"That she and I kissed or that you can't honestly tell me how you feel right now? You need to be specific, Gil."

"I don't know what I feel. I...I don't know what to say."

"I'm sorry," Sara started again. I don't know what came over me. When it happened...I got caught up in the moment."

"Maybe...this isn't working anymore," he slowly, solemnly stated.

"What do you mean?"

"Us being apart. I can forgive the kiss because it's my fault for not realizing you were trying to tell me something about Catherine earlier, how you felt. You should come back to Paris."

"That's your solution?"

Sara shook her head and clenched her free fist in frustration.

"I'm not leaving the lab again," she argued. "I belong here. All the fucked up shit that happened on the job in the past is truly in the past. I don't want to go back to Paris to sit on my ass all day every day waiting at home for you. You should come back to Vegas."

"That's not where I belong anymore, Sara."

"We've had this conversation before. That's when we made the decision that I would visit you at least once a month."

"That clearly isn't healthy for our relationship anymore."

She sighed and rubbed the back of her neck.

"I don't want to compromise, Gil," she tiredly confessed. "I don't know what to do anymore."

Silence.

"Do you want the kiss to be more than a kiss," Grissom asked after a beat.

"I don't know. I don't know what I want at this point."

"Do you still want to be with me," he asked in a low, heartbroken tone.

"I know that I still love you and I'll always love you, but that kiss, whether it meant more to Catherine or not, I felt something. I can't ignore that."

"I don't want you to ignore it and resent me later. As much as it hurts me to say this, I think you should fuel you're feelings for her. Find out what it is you're feeling and...let me know."

She closed her eyes and took a moment to collect herself, keep herself from crying.

"Okay," her voice slowly started to waver. "I'll talk to you then."

She hung up and looked at the ceiling for a moment. When she looked straight ahead at the window in the living room, a single tear streamed down her cheek. She took in a long, deep breath and stuffed her cell phone into her front pocket.

She wiped away the tear, grabbed her keys, and fled to the lab. She didn't want to bury herself in her work, but she didn't know what else to do. Calling a therapist was always an option, but she hated talking about her feelings, which she though she made clear through her actions during her psych evaluation.

When she got to the lab, however, she remembered that she hadn't been cleared for work. In remembering that hindering fact, she slipped into the evidence locker to look up information on the latest case.

"What are you doing here, Sara," a familiar male voice spoke up from behind her.

She tensed up and turned to face the man in the doorway she recognized as Nick.

"You still haven't passed that psych eval and if Ecklie find you in here, he'll kill you," he explained with his Southern drawl.

"How do you know I haven't been cleared?"

"Please. Ecklie has you red flagged until he hears from the shrink. By just being in here you could compromise all these cases."

"Listen," she started. "I know the rules and I know you know that, but I haven't had the best of luck with the psychologists and so far my day hasn't been that great. Can you let this go and let me help on your case?"

He opened his mouth to refute, but she stopped him.

"I don't have to touch," she raised her hands in the air defensively. He closed his mouth and sighed.

"You do not touch anything," he caved. "Everything I tell you about my case stays between us, got it?"

"Got it," she nodded and put her hands back down at her sides.

"And you can't be I the lab until you pass that evaluation."

"What? Then how am I supposed to discuss the case with you?"

"Over the phone. I'll call you whenever I get a new lead, I'll catch you up with what I know as of now, but we can't do it in person. So...go home, go out, go wherever you want, but don't come back here unless you're with the shrink."

She pursed my lips in dissatisfaction and shook her head.

"Fine. See you around," she said as she slipped past him into the hallway.

...

"Ms. Willows," Dr. Blocker said as we concluded our impromptu session. "It's not wrong for you to feel this way about your coworker. You two have worked together for how many years now?"

"About ten or eleven," I answered as I pulled my shirt way from my body, uncomfortable about the subject matter of our conversation.

"And you mentioned you two are the only women where you work. It's not uncommon to identify with someone and suddenly want more from the relationship."

"She saved my life. Who saves someone's life and doesn't have feelings for them," I blankly stared at the front end of her desk.

"Is that what this is about," Dr. Blocker asked with a steady tone. "Paying her back for her act of valor?"

"Lou saved my life and he felt something for me."

"I'm sorry. Who's Lou," she asked out of confusion.

"Mm," I stared a bit longer before I blinked and looked up at her for a split second. "Oh, my boyfriend. Lou's my boyfriend."

"Catherine," she started. "I think we might be getting close to something, but my next appointment should be here. If you make an appointment with my receptionist, I'd be happy to see you again soon."

"Okay," I tried to redirect my line of vision away from her desk. "What do I owe you for our time day?"

"Free of charge."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Next time I see you, you'll have to pay, though."

"Of course. Thank you," I said as I stood up and extended my hand.

She shook it and smiled.

I walked back into the lobby and looked at the receptionist's window. As distracted as I was, I didn't see the person walking toward me and collided with Dr. Blocker's two-thirty appointment.

"Oh, I'm so sorry," I said as I raised a guilty hand to plea my apology.

"No, it's my fault," a female voice said as she tossed a few items back into her purse. "I wasn't paying attention."

I grabbed something of hers that the collision knocked out of her purse and looked up to see her as I handed it back.

"Thanks," she said as she looked up to accept my peace offering of sorts.

Our eyes locked and after a second of self-confirmation, I recognized who had bumped into.

"Laura?"

She squinted as she took a minute to look me over.

"My god. Catherine? Funny running into you here," she smiled and tossed what she had taken from me into her purse.

I chuckled at the situation, as did she, while we both got to our feet.

"Yeah," I agreed as we hugged. "How long has it been?"

"Too long," she shook her head as we separated. "Listen, we should catch up sometime."

"That'd be great," I smiled.

We exchanged phone numbers in no time and made plans to meet somewhere within the next couple days.

"I've got to go obviously," Laura pointed behind her at Dr. Blocker.

"Right," I nodded.

"So...I'll call you and we'll catch up," her smile spread.

My smile followed her lead and spread further across my face before I gave her a single nod in agreement. I left the building and stopped to bask in the glow of the sun and felt my phone vibrate. I pulled it out of my front pocket and checked the screen. I'd received a new text message from Sara.

"Think you can come by my place? We should talk," it read.

I slowly let out a sigh and looked out at the area around me highly saturated with sunlight.

"Sure. I'll see you in about twenty five minutes," I replied.

As not to be called a liar, I made it to Sara's apartment with three minutes to spare. I pushed back my hair and bit my bottom lip before I knocked on her door, afraid of everything on the other side of it.

After a few seconds, the door opened and Sara appeared with an awkward smile on her face.

"Hey. Thanks for coming," she greeted.

"Of course," I forced my own awkward smile.

She stepped aside to let me through and I made my way through the threshold.

She shut the door behind me and I attempted to take a few deep breaths to relax. I didn't know how she felt about what happened and I didn't want to hear that our kiss ruined our friendship.

"Can I get you something to drink?"

"No, thanks. I'm fine," I lied.

Underneath my form-fitting jeans and long, semi-loose shirt, I was sweating bullets, afraid of what she wanted to tell me.

"Okay," she moved on. "Make yourself at home."

I gave an awkward, forced nod of acknowledgment and comprehension as I fidgeted toward the couch.

Sara sat down next to me as I tried to make myself comfortable.

"What did you want to talk about," I asked without making eye contact.

Silence.

"Look at me," she gently demanded.

My lips slowly started to part after hearing those words and I turned to her to see if I could figure out her next move.

Sara Sidle was the toughest puzzle I'd ever worked on. There was no way in hell one look would suddenly give me all the answers. So why was it that when I locked eyes with her in that moment I got all the answers I needed?

...
Thanks for reading. I hope you enjoyed the chapter. By the end of the week, I should have chapter 7 posted. :)