Chapter 12

"What happened to him?" Gibbs asked softly.

They'd been driving for about an hour, and it had been silent. Tim seemed to have calmed enough to sleep, although Tony knew from experience that it wasn't always indicative, and even if he had, there was no way of knowing how long that would last. Tony glanced back into the back of the van where Tim was lying motionless on the mattress. His breathing was deep and even. Probably asleep, but Tony would keep his voice down anyway.

"From what he's managed to tell me, they followed him after he finished getting those names and shot out his tires. He ran into the forest, trying to lose them, but they caught up and nearly killed him. They told him that they were going to beat him so badly that no one would even know who he was. For days, I couldn't even understand him when he would talk, his face was so swollen. He was so out of it that he didn't know where he was or even probably that he knew me. Man, Boss... I honestly don't know if I would have recognized him when I first saw him. They really did their best to beat him to death. The doc said that he had asked for me and that he couldn't go back, but I don't know how he even managed to say anything. By the time I got up there, he was so out of it that he probably wouldn't have known me from Adam. As bad as it is now, it was way worse."

"How much worse?"

Tony smiled incredulously. "Boss, Tim was so out of it that he'd freak out with the littlest thing. He'd be just lying there and then, suddenly, he'd be panicking because something reminded him of what had happened. He couldn't even talk about it until we called you, not really. Every time he tried, he'd have a flashback of what happened and it would take forever to calm him down. And in the beginning, it seemed like every time I touched him to move him or feed him or whatever, I made him hurt somewhere. They were really trying to kill him as painfully as possible. Two of his teeth were knocked out. There were bruises everywhere on his body. He was bleeding internally. I don't think he had much time before they would have killed him."

Silence again.

"But all that wasn't the worst part. The worst has been seeing him struggle with just thinking straight. You can hear it in his voice. He even talks more slowly and not just that. He needs therapy, Boss. He is so afraid of that happening again that he can't see past it, and I don't blame him. I don't think I'm going to be able to forget all this anytime soon, and it didn't happen to me."

Another silence.

"You might need the help, too, DiNozzo."

Tony wanted to deny it, but he couldn't. "You might be right."

The van hit a large pothole that jolted them all. Tony heard Tim's gasp and he instantly moved back to check on him, make sure he didn't freak out again.

"Where are we?" Tim whispered, his eyes opening wide in fear.

"Pennsylvania," Tony said, soothingly. "Don't worry. Right on track. Six more hours and we'll be in D.C. and all this will be over for us. Let Fornell do some worrying."

"I'm sorry, Tony," Tim said.

"Don't be. I get it."

"But I'm..."

"No. Just relax. Go back to sleep. Gibbs will try to miss the potholes from now on."

Tim's eyes closed, but Tony stayed by him until Tim's body relaxed and his breathing evened out. Then, Tony got up and climbed back into the front. Gibbs glanced at him.

"Will you be able to stop doing that?"

"Doing what?" Tony asked.

"Checking on him just to make sure he's okay."

"I have to do that right now, Boss," Tony said, defensively. "Tim needs that."

"But will you be able to stop when he doesn't?"

"Of course I will. Do you have any idea what I've been doing the last few months?"

"Yeah. Taking care of McGee."

"And cleaning. And cleaning. And cleaning. I was going crazy in that dinky apartment, trying to find some way to fill all the time I had. At least, in the last month, I could spend some time on helping Tim do the exercises he needed to start building up his muscles again."

"Tony, will you be able to stop doing all that now?"

"Yeah. Of course," Tony said, feeling more than a little confused. "Why wouldn't I?"

"Because it's all you've been doing," Gibbs said bluntly.

Tony rolled his eyes. Gibbs had no idea how freeing it was to know that it wasn't all on him anymore. If he wasn't going to explain himself, then, Tony didn't feel the need to give it any thought.

"What about you? What have you been doing?"

"Hiding out. Trying to figure out where McGee disappeared to, especially since he never showed up in D.C. Couldn't stay in the cabin. Got this van from some guy selling it in his front yard. Been staying in it since then."

"I'm glad we were that good at hiding, then. I didn't plan very much in advance."

"Sometimes, that's better."

Another silence and Tony thought about what Gibbs had said and not said.

"You thought Tim was dead, didn't you."

"Seemed likely."

"You thought they'd caught him."

"He told me they found him in the computers. Never heard from him again after. Tried calling his phone once, but no answer. I figured that they'd killed him and hidden the body."

"What about the hospital?"

"I figured that they'd found him there and finished the job."

"Then, why not go back?"

"I don't leave a man behind, DiNozzo."

"So what were you doing, then?"

"Trying find where they might have buried him."

Yikes. That was a gruesome task to pursue for two months. Tony didn't envy Gibbs that, but he couldn't help being kind of glad that Gibbs had been miserable, too. After all this mess, everyone should have been having a rotten time of it.

"Do you think Tim was right about not going back?"

Gibbs glanced at him again and Tony knew that Gibbs had heard the unspoken real question: Did we waste our time hiding out in that apartment?

"Probably. Not remembering the names, knowing that they'd already tried to kill him again once, probably best that we were both hiding out for a while. At this point, they probably dropped their guard a bit."

"No news is good news."

Gibbs nodded.

"What about this case? You think they'll have covered their tracks?" Tony asked.

"I'd be surprised if they hadn't tried."

"And what about how much time has passed?"

"Don't know. Don't really care. All I want is to get back to what we should have been doing. There's no way to pay back what Tim went through."

"No." That Tony could completely agree with. There was no way to repay Tim for every moment of pain he'd suffered and all the anxiety he was dealing with now. Nothing could make that better.

At the same time, though, it would be a shame if Tim went through all this for nothing. So Tony wanted to get back to his job, but he also wanted all this to mean something.

"Can it really be over for Tim right away?" Tony asked after another silence. "He asked if he could really go back."

"Not right away, but you think he could anyway?"

Tony thought about Tim's lingering pains, his obvious anxiety that could even be PTSD.

"No."

"Exactly. We get back, put him in rehab somewhere and by the time he's ready..."

"It'll be safe," Tony finished. "I hope so. I hate seeing him like this, Boss. It's just wrong for Tim to be...so... beat up and beat down."

"It won't last. He'll get over it."

"I hope so," Tony said again. That was really all he could do at this point.

"Might as well get some sleep," Gibbs said. "Got a ways to go."

"What about you? Don't you need sleep, too?"

Gibbs smiled.

"I'll bet I've been getting better sleep than you."

"More?"

"Didn't say that. I said better."

Tony couldn't deny that he was starting to feel tired, and as always, Gibbs showed no indication of such a human frailty as tiredness. So Tony leaned back the seat and tried to relax enough to get to sleep, if only to show Gibbs that he was wrong.

It'll be a relief to be off duty for a while, Tony thought and closed his eyes.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

Darkness. Something rumbling.

A car over rough roads.

They had chased him.

Into a forest.

Tim opened his eyes, trying to escape the memory.

It was still dark, and he muffled a whimper of instinctive fear. He didn't want to disturb Tony yet again. But he wished someone could tell him it was okay. He tried to breathe as quietly as possible, trying to keep himself from freaking out completely, necessitating Tony's help.

But it was dark.

"It's okay, McGee."

The voice startled him. Who was it?

"Try to stay quiet if you can. Tony's finally sleeping."

Then, it pinged on his brain and Tim was heartily embarrassed that he'd forgotten what had happened not more than a few hours before.

Gibbs. He'd come. They were going home.

Still unable to get rid of that fear, Tim painfully pushed himself up to sitting and turned himself around so he could see who else was in the van.

"Still hurts?" Gibbs asked, his voice low, barely audible over the noisy engine.

"It's...not that bad," Tim whispered. "Been worse."

There was a long silence and Tim almost managed to tamp down the fear again.

"Sorry I didn't find you in time," Gibbs said. "Could have saved everyone a lot of problems if I had."

"Not your fault," Tim said. "They were right behind me."

The feeling of pursuit rose up again and Tim tried not to panic. He wanted Tony to tell him it was okay, but he didn't want to ask for it. He closed his eyes and tried to breathe through it again.

He was startled by a hand on his arm. Not squeezing, not really gripping at all. Just a touch.

Tim opened his eyes and saw Gibbs looking at him in the rearview mirror.

"I'm sorry. We shouldn't have done it."

"They found me," Tim said in a low voice. "It was my fault. I was sloppy."

"No. No, it wasn't your fault. We should have... I should have told Fornell that we were done. There was no reason for us to keep on with it."

"Am I done now?"

"Yes."

"It can't be that simple," Tim said. "They followed me. They tried to kill me."

"Only because you were the one in the computers," Gibbs said. "They don't know who you are. Not really. Unless they gave you a chance to talk."

"No."

"Then, they don't know you."

Tim took a deep breath and nodded, even though he couldn't believe it was that simple.

"Tim, it's going to be fine."

Another disbelieving nod. Tim couldn't muster up any enthusiasm for the moment. He knew that Gibbs could tell he didn't really believe it.

"Where are we going?" Tim asked, finally.

"Vance. To start. Then, wherever we need to."

"Where will that be?"

"Don't know yet."

"Maybe we should go back," Tim said.

"No. That's done."

Again, Tim nodded. He didn't want to deal with the uncertainty, but he knew that Gibbs was in charge at the moment. ...or at all moments when he was present.

He looked at Tony who was asleep, something Tim had seen only rarely. He knew that Tony didn't want to go back to what they'd been doing. If he was honest, Tim didn't want to, either.

"You feel like sleeping some more?"

Tim thought about it.

"No."

"Fine by me."

Silence fell and Tim sat where he was, wondering what would come next. He kept expecting to hear gunshots, people shooting out the tires because they'd found him again, people wanting to kill him. He closed his eyes and tried not to panic yet again.

"It's okay, Tim. Don't worry. They haven't found us."

Tony.

Tim opened his eyes and tried to apologize, but he couldn't speak yet.

"We're almost there. Not much left to go. It's almost dawn."

It was, too. Tim hadn't realized so much time had passed, but he nodded, unable to say anything intelligible.

"Just relax. We're going to make it."

Tony sat beside him on the mattress, helping Tim stay calm, and Tim needed it, even though he wished that he didn't need it.

Neither of them spoke, and Gibbs didn't say anything, either. It was just driving until finally, Gibbs slowed down and pulled into the driveway.

"Stay inside for minute," Gibbs said and hopped out.

"What now?" Tim asked.

"Now, he makes sure that we can get into the house and we go in until we figure out where we're going to have you go to finish up this whole recovering thing," Tony said. "Nothing to worry about."

"Right."

A few minutes later, Gibbs was opening the back door to the van and Tim allowed himself to be helped out. He still hurt, and he was still afraid, but he was moving, mostly because he wasn't being given the choice.

They went into Vance's house and Tim sat down on a couch, looking around at a space that seemed completely alien to everything he'd experienced up to now. That apartment had been more rundown and dingy than he'd realized. Vance's home looked palatial in comparison. Tony and Gibbs were talking in low voices, leaving Tim to just sit where he was and look around. It suddenly dawned on him that he wasn't acting the way he used to. He knew that he hadn't always been so afraid of everything. He knew that he'd been able to get through a day without that paralyzing fear. He hated feeling this way and he hated that he couldn't seem to stop it.

He looked at Tony and Gibbs and realized, too, that he was finally back home and he wasn't happy about it. He knew he should be, but he wasn't.

In short, this all pretty much sucked.

Gritting his teeth, Tim pushed himself to his feet. His muscles were still weak and he still felt the ache all over and he still felt dizzy. He took a breath and forced himself to walk over, wanting to show that he wasn't a complete waste of space.

"Wh-What now?" he asked.

Tony turned to him.

"Tim, what are you doing up?"

"What now?" Tim asked again. It was so hard to focus on talking when he had to concentrate so hard on remaining upright.

Tony put an arm around Tim's waist and let Tim lean on him. It was a relief, but Tim also hated that he needed it.

"Vance is making arrangements for you to get into a rehab place. You're going there," Tony said. "We're going to take the names to Fornell and make him get to work so that, by the time you're ready, you'll be able to come back to work with no problem."

"When?"

"Now," Gibbs said.

"Now?"

"Now. Let's go."

Tony started helping Tim walk out.

"How long?" Tim asked.

"As long as it needs to be."

Tim nodded and managed, at the last second, not to ask whether or not Tony would be there.

Instead, he said nothing as they loaded him back into the van, drove him to a secluded rehabilitation center...

...and left him there.