Chapter 12:
The last week felt as if it passed in an instant for me. I hardly read anything during that time, what a shame really...
This is all turning into a giant mess. Most of the time since that, day I have been sitting on my bed, doing not much else but thinking. Ever since that moment when the creature that looked just like the High Inquisitor Fairbanks showed up I haven't known anymore if this is the right path to be on. I felt so sure before I got here and now everything is pushed aside like that.
On the other hand, what real possibilities do I have? What do I have to choose from? The Scarlet Crusade is a noble order of paladins, warriors, mages and priests that worship the Holy Light to its full extend, isn't it? Shouldn't it be like that?
Yet many have left the crusade during this last week, that guy at the counter in the morning handing out breakfast, Charles Worth or whatever his name was and most noticeable, Captain Theran taking along most of her personal little guard. Not to mention the high amount of rookies that were expected but never showed up to begin with. Most of them people I saw everyday although my connection to them was brief or based on some strange feeling of hatred towards each other.
But all in all the number of members has decreased considerably as I can see every the mornings when getting breakfast and going to the morning prayers. I would guess the number of members now is about as half as high as it was before. And since the death of the Ashbringer, his older son Renault has been Champion of the Crusade and in charge of the military forces based here. He might have some of the charisma of his father, but he clearly does not know how to use it.
Above that I'm still without a teacher. Actually I want to study on my own, but I currently lack the concentration to be able to read at all right now. Every time I open a book from the ones I have lying around here, everything in my head starts whirling around, as if the letters of the book started shaking and scrambling. So all I can do is take long walks around the grounds of the monastery, trying to calm myself down, trying to find some peace of mind. Yet it appears I am without success. I don't truly want to go to Whitemane and ask her to teach me. There are parts of me who are drawn in by her presence yet the things she would try to show me are not the things I want to learn, at least I like to think of it that way.
Just yesterday I found out that Isillien is on his way back to Hearthglen at the moment. Whitemane is teaching the apprentices now personally again and who else would there be to take that position? I just hope for their sakes that she really does that 'in a normal fashion' just as she said to me that evening and those try-outs with me were only an exception.
On the other hand none of them has ever been nice to me, nor has tried to help me with whatsoever. I barely hold myself back not to finish this thought. It's not right and I know it, I never asked anything of any of them either.
Aimlessly I look around in my room. Three books are resting spread out on my bed, all of them opened on different pages, but I'm not able to read on in any of them. Four more are waiting for me to continue from the top of my table. The sunlight shines in through my window for a change. Usually clouds are keeping a tight grip on these lands, though in the evening this is actually a very bright room on days like this. I take a look out of the window. The sun is slowly approaching the horizon preparing us all for sunset, the light flooding the northern beaches of Tirisfal a last time for today. The forests on the other hand are already as dark as after nightfall.
A knocking on the door breaks up the scene.
"I'll be there in a moment..." I call out instantly.
"Hurry it up! I bring an important message for you." The voice sounds familiar though not too much, nothing like a friend would. It's probably just a guard that usually has a shift or two in this part of the monastery.
I open the door and just as expected - only a guard.
"The High Inquisitor wants to see you, Marc Fipps. She made it sound urgent. You are to report to her office immediately." He clearly states that I should not tally around.
"Alright, I'll be on my way within a minute." I try to take some of the pressure out of the situation and it seems I manage to do so for once. The guard nods and turns around walking away back over to his usual position.
High Inquisitor he said, so they finally found a new one? Wait a second... HER office and 'she'? Oh no, please, they didn't...
I change to my apprentice robes and leave my room with the door unlocked. My mind jumped at other things right away.
It takes me about five minutes to reach the cathedral all in all. One of the guards is so friendly to open the door for me. I quickly thank him as I walk past.
It is all silent in here this evening. Inside the cathedral there are no guards at all. They probably don't need, as most people around here should be capable of handling problems on their own. Still it looks strange to me.
Walking through the giant main room of the cathedral, I take my time but I don't stop to look. I'm not sure if it's the right way to put but I think I've grown out of that stage. At least I hope so. With right turn into the hallway I'm almost at the office of the High Inquisitor.
I think I know who will be expecting me there, although I rather wouldn't.
For a moment I stop in front of the door quietly raising my hand to knock. It's only held back by my own hesitation.
"Come right in Marc." I hear her voice loud and clear just before my hand even touched the door. It's as bad as I had expected it. I shake my head and look to the floor not really able to prepare myself for what would await me beyond the borders of this door. And still I'm wondering what she wants to tell me, as we haven't spoken at all for the past three weeks. I didn't seek her out, neither did she me.
I open the door and enter the room reluctantly.
Whitemane greets me with a wide smile of her dark red lips. She is wearing her usual tight uniform.
"Please close the door behind you, Marc." I would have done it anyway, but I do as she says. "Have a seat, honey." She already starts talking like that again. There is no pause to her act. "So you surely should wonder why I summoned you here today..."
I quietly nod in response.
"Well, first of all, as you can see I have been promoted." She stretches out her arms as if she wanted me to hug her. I on the other hand just look at her in my bewilderment.
"What? No congratulations? Oh you stupid boy..., you sure don't know how to make friends, do you?" Her reaction confuses me only to the more.
"I...I'm..." I start stuttering again.
"Awww, cut it out, silly boy. I'm just fooling around with you, you should have gotten used to that a while ago..." She winks at me with the usual seductive look in her eyes. Sooner or later that woman will drive me crazy if she goes on like that. "But well, there are a few things I wanted to talk to you about. Due to the recent..., well tragic events we suffered a heavy setback all in all." The look in her eyes puts a certain pressure on me all of a sudden. "A lot of people have left the Crusade, as you surely have noticed. Your little girlfriend there..., what was her name? Ah! Theran, right? She was a captain as well... Anyways she quit the crusade too, but you probably knew that as the first one of us all."
"What... what are you saying?" I start panicking like a little boy right as she mentions the word girlfriend.
"Oh my, did she envy you. She really genuinely hated you for what you are." Whitemane adds with a faint laughter.
"And how can somebody envy... me?" I ask quietly. An honest question to be fair, I truly couldn't imagine what she would respond to that.
"You were the trash-piece son of a local hero, you were friends with Taelan Fordring and lived on his behalf in Hearthglen for about a year, you were the private student of the former High Inquisitor Fairbanks and myself and you were picked up by an escort field trip especially sent for you and ONLY you. THAT, as I may say so, is quite a lot to envy a person around here." Again she smiles at me with this strange almost deranged look. "And you not being able to cast a single spell and therefore being useless in her eyes, nothing more than a dead weight to carry, can quite easily stir up hatred towards you. Especially when somebody had to fight for everything one's whole life long, without ever being presented something just like she had to..." Whitemane just shrugs and carries on, "On the other hand side this also shows how short-sighted 'Captain' Theran actually was. She failed miserable to look beyond the apparel. Just try not to think about this too much anymore."
She says that like it's so easy to do...
"Now it's been three weeks, Marc." She is tapping with her fingers on her desk. "You still don't want me as a teacher for you, I assume. Right?" I don't know how to answer to that. She is right, but yet again not. I can't tell her that I don't know. And a truthful answer isn't as simple as yes or no.
"You still are so uneasy with others around, oh my." Her voice sounds like a mixture of pity and nagging. "So that's that I suppose... All I wanted to tell you is that the city of Tyr's Hand has finally joined the Scarlet Crusade. Within this city there are several churches and a big cathedral. We are seriously considering to move the religious center of the Crusade there." She is looking for eye contact.
"The important thing for you is, due to the fact that YOU apparently don't want ME as your teacher, you will be transferred with the first scoop of apprentices to Tyr's Hand in about a month. So you should still have about enough time to change your mind and tell me, 'Sally, Sally I still want to be your student. I'm so sorry. Please keep me here.'" Her tone is mocking, yet incredibly cold. "Because you definitely need a teacher who shows you how the world goes round. If you understand what I mean..., little worm..."
I nod silently. Transferred to Tyr's Hand? I've never been there before, but rumors have it to be one of the safest cities remaining out there. At least it's heavily fortified, even better than Hearthglen.
"The High Lord Abbendis will surely take care of you once you've settled there. I'm certain they'll find you someone who will show you the way to become a 'righteous' cleric just as you wished for.", something is strange about the way she says that. "But please keep in mind... If you tell me you'd rather stay here by my side, we could have so much more fun together... All in all, that is the most important thing I wanted to tell you today. You can go now if you wish, or do you have any further questions for me?" She knows I would have, but she won't answer me any of them and neither would I even think of asking. The most intimidating fact is that she probably knows that too.
"No, I don't..." I stand up quietly and make my way back to the door.
"Suit yourself... And oh, I forgot about one thing..." She now also gets up, coming towards me. Stopping right in front of me her lips form a malicious smile as she starts drawing a circle on my chest with one of her fingertips. "That one book written by your mother... You know? The one Fairbanks gave you before he left. Keep it. I'm rather sure he won't have any further use for it, let alone want it back..."
Her smile starts eating its way through to the back of my head as her eyes close. I'm standing still in front of the door not truly realizing what had just happened and yet I trying to cope with whatever it was that she just said to me. She reaches past my paralyzed body and opens the door, putting one hand flat on my chest and gently starts pushing me out of the room.
"Nighty night, and pleasant dreams honey. It's a shame you can't stay any longer..." She waves goodbye with one hand and closes the door on me as soon as I'm out in hall.
Hearing the door fall into its lock, I snap out of my trance for a moment. It's about long enough for me to realize that I should get back to my own room. Taking a step backwards, I turn into the direction of the altar. My head has turned completely empty. I'm not thinking about anything right now.
Just as if my body is moving on its own, I walk to the altar and stop dead in my track right in front of it. It is made of pure white marble, only a few stray black seems are staining the pristine appeal. I turn around facing the entrance of the cathedral. I imagine how it would feel standing here, up in front of all the clerics, paladins and warriors holding a speech. I imagine how it would be if I was like my father. Yet as these images turn more and more redundant I push them aside instantly.
I'm sure Whitemane said the things about my mother so incidentally on purpose! Maybe it's some sort of revenge for me rejecting her as a teacher. Or maybe it's only another of her cruel games she likes to play of cat and mouse.
No use thinking about it here I walk away from the altar. The door of the cathedral hardly opens as I try to push it out of my way on my own. I haven't been in there for too long it seems as the sun barely moved on its way on the horizon. The guards also seem a bit surprised that I am already leaving again.
They wish me a good night. I can't be bothered with responding right now.
I wonder if I can sleep at all tonight.
Everything around me turned dull since she pushed me out of the room; the voices of the guards, the breeze on my face, the sight of the cathedral grounds.
Slowly I approach my quarters. As if I wasn't confused enough already, she comes up to me like that and drops this huge bomb on me. My hands shacking I open the door and enter the room. The real challenge is awaiting me somewhere within these walls.
Carefully I look around - the book I'm searching for is lying among all the others currently out of sight.
Tyrienna? Is that your real name, or was it Sarah Fipps? Tell me, mother. I want to know.
I open up the book and look at the second page.
'To my precious son and righteous husband - I love you. - Tyrienna '.
I read this on the day I got the book from Fairbanks and did not notice at in the slightest. I only thought of how pointless I believe these acknowledgements to be. And now all I can do is read it over and over again, trying to remember things of my mother. It is hard to comprehend that this person that I have never heard of before is supposed to be this close to me. Simply the fact that this might be her real name and the Sarah Fipps that was supposed to be my mom, that woman that my father loved was only a role, an illusion created by her remains to be something so deeply unnerving that I just can't fully grasp it.
I'm happy to hold something in my hands she had left behind for me.
Yet again I feel shattered.
I read the line one final time then I close the book and start clinching on to it.
I want to never give it away ever again and only moments later I want to burn it to ashes. It feels like lies. It all feels like all of a sudden. I can't even tell what was real and was just a creation of her mind.
Damn it! Damn this book, but most of all damn that woman, Whitemane! I have to stop thinking like this! I have to calm down again! This is exactly what she wants me to do, to overthink it...
One month remains until my departure to Tyr's Hand. I don't know if I should be glad to get out of Whitemane's reach so easily or be sad to leave this area once again. On the other hand..., Northdale would be closer than ever before. So there should be a chance that we will clean it of the undead sooner or later by our own means. But what am I thinking? I'm not even there yet... and why is she letting go of me this easily? That woman has to have something planned for me...
No matter how I try to turn it around I just plainly don't know what to think at the moment, though I quickly start trying to talk me into taking all of this positively after a short while.
Additionally to all of this, due to this moving around again, I won't be able to settle internally again.
I can't take it! I hold my head with both my hands. I want to start screaming so badly.
That woman, all she wants is to make me even more restless than I already was and take advantage of it.
That treacherous bitch... I won't give in to her! I won't let this happen!
There is still one month left and I can't imagine that she will not let go of me that easily. I just can't.
I have to focus.