A/N: JOKES, SO MANY JOKES! And more cussing than usual because Alli-chan is put on the spot. Also, I need to know now, first of all, do yall (the readers) want me to follow the anime, or manga? I prefer manga, but if there is a good number of people inclined towards anime I may change my mind. Second is, should I continue this into re:? Cause I preplan all of this in my head, so I will need to make minor changes to continue it into re:, or I can end it at the end of the anime/manga. Finally, when it comes to pairings, my current ideas are Touka x Kaneki, and either Hide x Alli-chan, or Ayato x Alli-chan. All of the above issues are up to my readers, leave a review and let me know your preference and opinions, please and thanks! Now to get onto the story.

Chapter … I dunno I lost count…: A Shittyama Day

Hide's POV

"Alli-chan no."

Alli-chan YES!"

Hide groaned at his overexcited friend, attempting to convince him to listen to whatever lewd jokes she came up with this time. With a sigh, he gave in.

"Fine, but just a few, got it Alli-chan? You still need to answer the questions I asked you!"

Alli-chan gave an uncaring roll of her eyes, but pressed on.

"Heh… ok, so…. Pfft, I can't say this with a straight face. How do you rape a camel?"

Hide simply glowered in response.

"One hump at a time."

"Alli-chan, why must you always do this to meeeeee~"

"Snnrk, no, wait, it gets better! What do you call a dog with no legs?"

"Alli-chan, you call it a sad doggo, don't be mean to the doggos Alli-chan!"

"No Hide. It- it doesn't matter what you call it, it won't come."

Hide convulsed on the couch in a joke induced seizure while Alli-chan collapsed in snickers.

"Hey, what's long, thick, and full of seamen?"

"ALLI-CHAN NO! THAT'S NOT EVEN HOW YOU PRONOUCE SEMEN!"

"Eww Hide, get your mind out of the gutter! It's a submarine, obviously. Pfft, oh my god your face!"

Hide's expression conveyed the deep-seated self-loathing he directed at himself for once again falling for Alli-chan's tricks.

"Ok, ok, I'm done! Hide, it's over! You don't need to- OW OW OW WHY CRUEL WORLD DAMN IT HIDE NOOO~"

Alli-chan fled the room, followed closely by an enraged Hide, beating the poor ghoul with pillows.

After the two friends finally finished their amusing antics, they plopped onto the couch once more.

"So Alli-chan, I'm really worried about Neki'. I checked his fridge the other day when I dropped of the notes he missed, and there is nothing but coffee! That cannot be healthy!"

Aelin stilled at that comment, focusing her now furious gaze on Hide, narrowing her eyes dangerously at her idiot friend.

"Just coffee there? No packages or anything?"

"Ugh, you mean the brown paper bag one? It was in the trash, but looked like it was still full, why?

Silence reigned for a few seconds before Aelin stood up abruptly.

"Excuse me, I have a Kaneki who needs some sense knocked into him, see ya Hide!"

"WHA- ALLI-CHAN, WHAT HAVE I TOLD YOU ABOUT LEAVING THROUGH MY WINDOW?"

Aelin's POV:

That son of a- frikkin idiot- He is dead to me, DEAD I SAY! Aelin shook her head to rid herself of her homicidal thoughts (Neki' was so lucky she liked him or that idiot would be six feet under) and slid on her mask once more. Properly outfitted, Kitsune leapt on the rooftops, running towards the idiot's apartment, when she slipped, and stumbled. Cursing her luck, Kitsune got up, only for her legs to go crashing through the wooden ceiling of the abandoned church she stood on. Shouting every cuss word in her dictionary (and a few puns about how she was looking a little… board) Kitsune finally crashed down to the buildings floor, only to blanch at the sight awaiting her.

Eyes wide upon seeing the human tied up, Kitsune's thought to mouth filter promptly shut off as the ghoul muttered, "That right there is some BDSM shit. WHY THE FUCK IS IT ALWAYS ME! OF COURSE I FUCKING FALL IN ON AN ORGY! I'M OUT!"

As she prepared to ditch the embarrassing scene, Kitsune froze because of course this couldn't be simple. Not only was Frenchie Bastard there, her favorite idiot she was just searching for happened to be at the scene too! Not to mention Shithead and Kaneki's Tsundere girlfriend. Speaking of Shithead, that… was his human on the altar god damn it. Yup, it was official. Life hates her.