Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.
Chapter 5: Road to Recovery
When I woke, I could hear the steady beeping of the heart monitor. My arm was still throbbing, but the sensation had dulled. I opened my eyes, but they drooped. I was still groggy from the sedative. I looked to my left. Alice was seated in Jasper's lap. He had her gathered in his arms rocking her, his eyes closed. I could see tear tracks down her cheeks as she slept. To my right Charlie and Sue sat next to each other. He had her pulled under his shoulder, rubbing her back and kissing her hair. I smiled at the sight, glad to see he had found someone. My smile faded when I saw tear tracks on her face though. Why is everyone crying?
"Dad?" My voice was rough and throat was scratchy. His eyes shot up towards me. He and Sue stood and rushed to my side.
"Bells," he said, his voice cracking a bit. "How are ya, kiddo?"
"I'm okay. Just a little tired." Alice and Jasper stood and came to the bed. Alice sat down, pulling my hand into hers. "Why have you been crying? What's going on?" Dr. Cullen walked in.
"Isabella," he said, relief evident in his voice. "It's so good to see you awake."
"Dr. C, what's going on?" He smiled reassuringly.
"You had an allergic reaction to the antibiotic that I put on your burn. It's rare, but it happens sometimes. I gave you a sedative to put you out while we treated the reaction. Now, I only gave you enough to put you out for about an hour. That was nine hours ago. You should have been awake long ago. We were worried that the combination of medicines along with the pain and your previous condition had some traumatic effect. We were worried because you were exhibiting signs of a coma, but now you're awake. So there's no need to worry.
"I'm going to prescribe you a different antibiotic for your burn. I'm also going to require that you go to the local ER to get your burn redressed each day. You have always been one to react opposite of what you should. Therefore, I want you to go to the ER. That way a doctor can keep an eye on your progress. I know how stubborn you can be so I've already called and spoken with Dr. Eleazar Denali. He's a friend of mine at Virginia Mason Medical Center. It's close to campus so it shouldn't be out of the way for you. He is expecting you, and will be doing the redressing. Just set up an appointment with him each day, and he'll do the rest. Okay?"
"Am I going to react like this every time?"
"No, or at least you shouldn't. Dr. Denali is aware of what's going on. I've sent over your lab work and films. He's going to keep an eye on your case. We'll both be working it. If something comes up while you're in Seattle, a flair up, new symptoms, a bad day, I want you to go see him at Mason Medical. Can you do that?"
"She can," Alice spoke up. "We'll make sure of it." He smiled at her in thanks.
"I'm still going to discharge you in the morning. You can go back home, but I want you in bed. You'll go to Mason Medical to get that redressed each day, but you are to be home and resting otherwise until at least Sunday. There will be no arguing with me, and there will be no being stubborn. Understand?" I nodded. His demeanor changed; his shoulders slumped. He looked at Charlie and Sue then Jasper and Alice. "May I speak with Isabella in private?" Charlie, Sue, and Jasper made to move towards the door. Alice looked frozen, almost as if she were scared. "Please, Alice. I need a few minutes with Isabella." She looked at me, and I smiled. I may be scared inside, but I had learned long ago how to hide what I was really feeling. I just hated hiding from Alice. She reluctantly stood and exited with Jasper.
"Are you going to tell me I'm dying?" I joked with him.
"No, nothing like that. I have a few questions for you, then I have a suggestion." I nodded for him to continue. "Can you tell me about Arizona?"
"It's sunny and humid." My voice was flat with no emotion; it's how I learned to cope with the topic.
"Isabella." He pinched the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger. "That's not what I mean, and you know it. I want you to tell me what happened to you in Phoenix." I glared at him. "Okay, change of subject. Tell me what happened with Jacob." I turned away from him. I did not want to dredge up bad memories. I had worked for too many years to suppress them. I shuddered at the memories.
"Stop." I said sternly. "Just stop. That is none of your business."
"Isabella, listen to me. Look at me." I refused to. "Please, look at me." I reluctantly turned back to see his pleading eyes. "I don't know what happened, but I do know that something happened. I know that you think you can handle things on your own, that you don't need help. I've learned this about you over the years. I've also learned that it's slowly breaking you. You've never allowed yourself to feel, to hurt, and therefore, you can't move on.
"Now, whatever is going on with your health, it's not something that is going to be fixed overnight. This is probably going to be a long road to recovery. You're going to get tired, you're going to get weak, and you're going to try to rely on yourself for everything. You know you can't do that. You know from past experiences that relying on yourself only leads to an unfulfilled life." He stepped around the bed to retrieve and hand me a Kleenex. I hadn't realized I started crying. "I don't mean to upset you; truly I don't.
"I want you to realize what's really going on. I say this because I know you're going to need help. You need to learn how to ask for help."
"I don't want help. No one deserves to be burdened with my past. I can't do that to someone."
"I have a suggestion." I looked at him, his expression guarded. I knew that I probably wasn't going to like this, but he wouldn't leave me alone until I listened. "I think that you should talk to someone. I think you should consider therapy. Sometimes when one holds in a traumatic event, it can manifest physically. You're trying so hard to block your past. You're body isn't equipped to handle all you're trying to handle."
I was shocked to say the least. I had been able to hide my past from those closest to me for so long. I had perfected my exterior shell. Jasper was the only person to be able to see past it, and he was nice enough to never talk about it. Dr. C, a man I saw often due to my clumsy nature, but only saw for short amounts of time, had picked up on my deepest secrets. I had already started to crack in the last three weeks. Ten years hiding is a long time. Alice and Jasper had been chipping away my exterior but weren't quite there yet. I had recently wanted to tell them, wanted to get it all off my chest, because it sat there weighing me down. This…whatever this illness was, was taking a toll on me, more than I could have ever imagined. I was tired of hiding.
"They'll think I'm disgusting, that I'm weak," I whispered. It was my biggest fear, and I knew that's exactly what would happen.
"Isabella, that's not true and you know it. They love you and want nothing more than to see you better and whole. They will help you every step of the way. All you have to do is ask. Open up to them. Let them in."
"I'll think about it."
"I appreciate it. That's all I'm asking of you. If you decide you are willing to talk with someone, you're welcome to call me, and I will set it up for you. I'm going to get back to rounds now. I'll stop by before I go home to see you again."
"Thank you, Dr. Cullen."
"That's Dr. C to you." I had to smile at that. He knew the only time I used his full last name was when I was upset with him. He smiled back. "I'll see you later." He walked out of the door, and I was bombarded by questions as the four came back into the room.
I was able to fend off all worries by refusing to talk about my conversation with Dr. C. I knew it would only fuel their curiosity, but I just wasn't ready to discuss it. We spent the next hour talking about school. Charlie had always had a soft spot for Alice. She was like his second daughter. Therefore, I wasn't the only one talking. It was nice to have a break, but at the same time, it gave me time to think about what Dr. Cullen said. Charlie and Sue left an hour later. I asked Sue to make sure he ate something that was partially healthy. She winked and said she was cooking dinner. Jasper and Alice stayed behind.
"Okay missy," Alice began. "I'm not going home until you do, because I'm driving. You can't do that with a sprained ankle. In the mean time, Jazzy pull up a chair, you're going to tell us about this knight in shining armor." I blushed. Of course she would remember that.
I knew there was no way to get out of it, so I told them everything. I told them how I had gotten sick earlier in the day. I retold the accident and what I did once I got out of the truck. I told them what the paramedics had to do, but I left out any mention of anything non-medial. After much deliberation I took Dr. Cullen's advice. I opened up to them a little and told them something I was planning on hiding.
"The EMT that took care of me was named Edward. He was..." I hesitated, and Jasper picked up on it.
"What? Did he do something? Did he hurt you?" Jasper's voice was laced with anger.
"No, no. It's nothing like that. He was the epitome of a gentleman. I felt comfortable around him. When my knees gave out, he carried me to the ambulance. When I had to get the IV he held my hand."
"Bella, you sound smitten," Alice said with a smug smile on her face.
"It scares the hell out of me." I admitted aloud, the first time I ever hinted at something being wrong.
"Well, that's understandable. You haven't dated since Jacob. It's been a really long time. He broke your heart, and that's something you took hard. It's okay to be scared to put your heart on the line again." If only she knew what Jacob really did.
"Ali, darlin', I bet Bella could really use something other than water. I don't remember where the cafeteria is," Jasper said as he handed her a five dollar bill. "Will you go grab her some juice and something for us as well?"
"Sure, Jazzy. Bella, do you want orange, apple, or grape?"
"Orange, please." She hopped off the bed and flitted out of the room.
"What are you not saying?" He waited no time to get to the point.
"I don't know what you're talking about." I looked away from him to stare out the window.
"Isabella Marie. Do not lie to me. I am tired of your lies and this hiding shit that you've been doing ever since I met you. I know something happened with Jacob, more than a broken heart. I also know that you have ignored whatever it was and let it rule your life." I could feel the tears falling unchecked. He was partially right; something more did happen with Jacob. However, he had no idea that it all started in Phoenix. "Now, there's some man in your life that you would like to get to know better, and you made sure that wouldn't be a possibility by not exchanging numbers. Alice is your best friend, and she's been there for you through thick and thin. She deserves better than this."
"I know she does. God don't I know she does. I'm just so scared, Jazz. You don't understand though. I-"
"Then make me understand, Bella. Tell me what happened. I can help you. All I've ever wanted to do is help you. I wake up every day, and my second thought is, 'I wonder if Bells is going to trust me today. I wonder if she's going to finally ask for help.' Ali's the first thought of course." He smiled sheepishly, and I smirked. There was a long silence that filled the room. I finally looked up to meet his eyes.
"It started in Phoenix. Jacob's a completely different issue." He froze, obviously never expecting that. He let out a long breath and sat next to me where Alice had been before she left. "I…I…I ne-" I cleared my throat. "I need help." He smiled widely and eyes glistened.
"You don't know how long I've waited to hear you say that. I'll help you. I'll be here every step of the way. I promise. If it's another therapist you want I can make some-"
"No!" I cut him off. "I want you. I can't go to a stranger. I'm just worried you'll think I'm disgusting after this. I mean I know I am I just-"
"Isabella. First rule I have is that you do not put yourself down. Whatever happened, whatever you experienced, does not change the wonderful, caring, compassionate person you are today. Now when we get back to Seattle we'll set up a time to have the first appointment."
"Okay, but can we not tell Alice for right now? I want to get my head wrapped around this, and figure out what I'm going to say first."
"Whatever you want. I'm just so proud you're taking this step."
"Well, I'm scared shitless." He chuckled at me as Alice came back in carrying drinks. She handed me the orange juice, while she and Jasper had a pop. "I would give anything to have a Pepsi right now."
"You know the doctor's said no pop," Alice chastised me. "So, tell me more about Edward."
"There's not much to tell. He told me a little about him and his brother Emmett, whom is also his partner. He knew I was from Forks." Alice quirked an eyebrow. "I don't think he's a stalker. They said their parents moved up here a few years ago, and he recognized the area code."
"So why in the hell did you not exchange numbers with this guy?" She sounded exasperated, but I could hear the curiosity underlying it.
"I'm not completely sure. It was wrong time, wrong place. Plus, he was amazing; sweet, kind, extremely good looking. He deserves better than…" I motioned for her to look at me. "this."
"Isabella Marie Swan! I had better not ever hear something like that leave your mouth again. You are a beautiful, intelligent woman that any man would be damn lucky to get, and don't you ever forget that." I could see a smug smile on Jasper's face.
"Well, it doesn't matter now anyways, does it? We didn't exchange numbers, and Seattle has over half a million people. The chances of finding him are slim to none."
"I can find him." I gave her a stern look, threatening her to pull some of her crazy crap.
"Don't you dare do something rash like put up fliers or call every Edward in the phonebook. Do you hear me?"
"Of course, Bella. I won't do anything crazy. Still, there's a chance. Maybe it's fate. You never know."
"I don't even want to know what you're up to, you evil pixie." She giggled. "Now, why don't you both head back to the hotel, and get some sleep. I want to be able to leave first thing in the morning. Dr. C should be able to discharge me early."
"I guess we could do that. You try to get some sleep as well. I'll drive you home tomorrow, and we'll stop to pick up your prescriptions before we go to your apartment. Goodnight."
"Goodnight, and thank you. You've done so much for me." They both smiled before leaving the room.
I can't believe I just asked Jasper for help! My mind was finally catching up with my actions. For years, I had spent so much energy in trying to hide. Now, in the span of ten minutes, I had revealed more to Jasper than even my own father, my own mother knew. With just those few words I had dredged up memories spent years trying to repress.
*****
"Come on, Izzy. Don't fight this. You'll only end up hurting yourself." She thrashed against the two strong arms, but there was only so much a sixteen-year-old could do against three men twice her age and size.
"Yeah. We're not going to hurt you. We're just going to help you toughen up."
"Izzy Bear, just be still. Don't you want to be tough in case any boys get out of line?" He pushed her shirt up exposing her stomach.
*****
"Isabella. Can you hear me?" I could hear Dr. C's voice jar me from the flashback. I could feel him checking my heartbeat and counting my pulse. "Isabella. I need you to answer me."
"Yes," I whispered. "I can hear you." My eyes finally came back in focus and looked towards him. His brows were creased in confusion, and I could see the concern in his eyes. "I'm sorry. I was zoned out."
"No. That was something else. You were screaming and thrashing around. Are you okay?" Upon this revelation I clued in to my body. My breath was shallow and rapid. There was a sheen of sweat covering me, and I could feel a heaviness settle on my chest.
"I was remembering a bad memory. I didn't realize I was screaming. I'm sorry."
"Isabella. I'm really worried about you. I wish you would talk with someone."
"I have." He looked confused again, but a small smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. "Jasper, he's a therapist at the Counseling Center on campus. He will graduate in June with his Doctorate and will be opening his own practice. We spoke very briefly. When we get back to Seattle, I'm setting up my first meeting." His smile grew the more I told him.
"That's wonderful. That's absolutely wonderful. I'm so proud of you Isabella. I know that couldn't have been an easy thing. I promise things will get better. You may not like it or see it at first, but things will improve if you stick with it."
"I'll promise to give it a shot. I told Jasper I wanted to meet with him. Since he's a friend, it'll make it harder to say no to him or disappoint him. It's one of the things that bothers me most, disappointment."
"We'll I'm proud of you. I really am. I just finished my shift so I think I'm going to head home. Esme may like to have dinner with me for once this week." I looked down in shame. He had been late each night because of me. "Now, don't go feeling guilty. I chose to stay here each night. This is in no way your fault. I promise. Esme was very pleased to get your thanks for the flowers as well. I will be by around 8:00 in the morning. I'll have your discharge papers ready then that way you don't have to wait long."
"Thank you, Dr. C. I appreciate all that you're doing for me; not to mention all that you've done for me."
"I want to tell you something, and I hope I'm not overstepping my professional bounds when I say it. You are an extraordinary woman. I see the kindness, compassion, and strength you possess. All people that can call you family, friend, or partner are damn lucky. I hope you recognize that."
"Thank you." I managed to whisper around the tears threatening to fall. He just smiled, squeezed my knee, and said goodbye as he left for the night. I rolled to my side, willing sleep to come.
*****
She worked diligently on her homework trying to finish so it wouldn't be looming over her weekend. It was going to be a great weekend. Renee, her mom, and Phil, her stepdad, had a baseball weekend planned. She had never been a huge fan of sports, but since Phil played in the minor leagues, she wanted to learn more about it. Tonight some of his teammates were coming over to help him teach her how to play. Phil was taking her and her mom to see a Diamondbacks game tomorrow then on Sunday he was taking them back to the field to watch their practice and play on the field with them. How many people could say they've done that?
She was pulled from her studying by the sound of the doorbell. Her mom and Phil wouldn't be home for another hour so she figured his friends had come over early. She hurried down the stairs and answered the door. There were three of his teammates. She let them in and showed them to the living room.
"Can I get you anything to drink?" She asked. "Mom and Phil should be home in an hour."
"Phil got any beer?" The largest of them asked.
"Sure. I'll be right back." She retrieved the beer from the fridge and returned to the living room. She could smell the alcohol already on their breath when she handed over the drinks. "I'm going to finish my homework. I'll-" She was cut off when the man that had asked for drinks grabbed her by the wrist.
"Don't leave us now, sweetie," he slurred. She tried to pull back, but he was stronger than her. "We just got here. Be a good host and…entertain us."
"Um…you can watch t-tv." He was beginning to hurt her wrist he was gripping so tightly.
"No. We came over to teach you to play. Let's play."
"I want to wait for Phil." The men laughed.
"You sure are a cutie," another one said as he stood and held her by the waist. "I bet the boys are all over you at school."
"No." A blush appeared on her cheeks.
"Well, they're just stupid then. It won't be long before they start showing interest. Let us help. We can make you tough so it won't hurt when they try things."
"No. I just want to go finish my homework."She struggled against the grips of the men.
"Come on, Izzy. Don't fight this. You'll only end up hurting yourself." She thrashed against the two strong arms, but there was only so much a sixteen-year-old could do against three men twice her age.
"Yeah. We're not going to hurt you. We're just going to help you toughen up." She felt the tears begin to fall.
"Izzy Bear, just be still. Don't you want to be tough in case any boys get out of line?" He pushed her shirt up exposing her stomach. She whimpered against his touch. The third man, the one that had remained silent throughout the exchange, stood and pulled something out of his back pocket. Her eyes grew wide when she saw the glint of the knife blade.
"Wh-wh-what are you d-d-doing?" The man walked slowly in front of her.
"Like they said, we're just going to help you become tough. If you can handle this pain, you can handle anything."
"P-please don't do t-t-this. Put the knife away, p-p-please." She begged through her tears, imploring them to stop.
"It won't hurt for long. We're doing it with your best interest in mind." He slowly, torturously, cut from her lower right ribcage to her left hipbone. A bloodcurdling scream sounded throughout the house. It was deep enough to bleed and sting but shallow enough to not require stitches. The pain was intense and caused her to buckle forward. The arms of the other two men kept her from falling to the ground.
"Izzy Bear, don't cry. Toughen up. You'll appreciate this later. I promise." He then cut a parallel line just below it." Her scream was quieter than the last, being muffled by her sobs.
The men let her go, and she fell to the floor. She clutched at the slash, a sharp throb emanating from the cuts. They told her to go clean herself up and finish her homework. They were laughing as she left the room.
"And Izzy!" One yelled when she reached the stairs. "Don't mention this to anyone. If you do, next time it'll be worse." She ran up the stairs. Needless to say, the weekend festivities never happened.
*****
"Bella! BELLA! Wake up. It's just a dream." I could hear Alice calling, but I was stuck in that living room.
"Bella, what you're seeing is not real," said Jasper's calm voice. "Listen to my voice. I'm here, and I'm real. What you see happened in another time. It's over. Come back to us here." I wanted to believe him, but the pain was so real. I could feel the blood on my stomach. I could feel it slick under my hand. I whimpered at the pain. "Bella. I want you to listen to my voice. I'm going to count to three. When I reach three, I want you to open your eyes. Fight against the pain, and open your eyes. One." I tried to calm my breathing. "Two." I held my breath in preparation. "Three. Open your eyes." My eyelids fluttered open. "Now breathe for me." I expelled the breath I was holding. I couldn't calm my breathing; I was hyperventilating. "Bella. Look at me. Do what I say. Breathe in…Breathe out. Breathe in…Breath out. Good. Slow, deep breaths. In…Out."
"Thank you Jasper," Dr. C said, making me notice him for first time. He slowly approached the bed. "May I check some things?" I nodded, my tears falling silently. He checked all my vitals and shone that awful doctor's penlight in my eyes. When he felt for my pulse I noticed my body shaking. "Okay. I'll be back in a moment with some medicine and your discharger papers. Jasper, would you come with me?"
"Sure." He smiled at me before leaving with Dr. C. I looked at Alice who had been uncharacteristically quiet.
"Are you okay?" I asked her.
"Of course I'm okay. Are you? You scared me. We got here, and Dr. C said he had been trying to wake you for thirty minutes. We were discussing what would happen once you were released, and you started whimpering. Then all of a sudden, you were screaming and thrashing around. You were begging for someone to put a knife away."
"Yeah. Crazy nightmare." Alice gave me the look that said she didn't believe me.
"That was not a nightmare, and Jasper seemed to know something. What's really going on?" She deserves to know. She deserves to know. She deserves to know. I kept chanting in my head, trying to build up courage.
"There are some things that happened in my past; things in Phoenix and with Jacob. I've never talked about them. Dr. C has asked me to talk with someone. He said there are issues I need to talk through. I asked Jasper if he would help me." I could see the hurt on her face, and it made my heart clench.
"Why didn't you ever tell me?"
"Oh Ali. I've never told anyone. Charlie doesn't even know, neither does Renee. I don't know how Dr. C figured it out. I asked Jasper not to say anything to you, so don't be mad at him. I wanted to be the one to tell you. I only asked him yesterday while you went to get drinks. Please don't be upset. I didn't tell you because once I do you're going to figure out how vile and disgusting I am. I can't handle-"
"Isabella Marie! Don't you ever say something like that again. No matter what happened, you are not disgusting or vile. Promise me you will never say something like that again." Her tone was just daring me to defy her. She may stand less than five foot, but she was not someone to be messed with.
"Okay. I promise I will try." She pulled my hand into hers.
"We'll get through this; whatever it is. You're not alone. We're here for you." I could see the unwavering resolve in her eyes.
"Thank you." I didn't know what I had done to deserve her and Jasper in my life, but I was thankful. Maybe, just maybe they were right. Could it be possible for me to get past all this? Jasper and Dr. C returned to the room.
"Okay Isabella. Here's what's going to happen. I'm going to redress your burn before you leave. I'll send you home with a prescription for pain, one for anxiety, and one for sleep. Use the pain medication as needed. They are strong so don't drive after taking them, and knowing you, they'll probably make you drowsy. I'm giving you a prescription for anxiety. When you have these flashbacks, or it's a particularly stressful day, I want you to take them. Don't be afraid of them. You're reaction to these memories is significant. I want you to promise that you will use these." I nodded. "Okay. The last is a prescription to help you sleep.
"You're horribly off track with your sleep schedule, and that's when you are most prone to these flashbacks. I want you to use these pills until they run out. That way you can get back on a normal schedule. By then you will be in therapy, and Jasper will be talking with you about handling these flashbacks. Do you have any questions?" I shook my head. "Then I just need you to sign these papers, and we'll get you out of here soon." I signed the papers. "Okay, you get dressed while I go grab the supplies."
I got out of bed and went to change in the bathroom. I could hear Alice and Jasper whispering to each other. I moved slowly. I still felt weak, but it wasn't as bad as it had been. The nausea was still there but was dull. My arm was already throbbing, but I guessed that was in anticipation for what was soon to come. I hoped my reaction yesterday really was due to the antibiotic. If so, I wouldn't have to go through that again. I walked back into the room and sat on the bed. Dr. C walked back in with everything. He redressed the burn, and I didn't have a bad reaction. He handed over the prescriptions, we said our goodbyes, and Alice drove me to the station to say goodbye to Charlie before we headed home.
AN: So, there are five chapters of drama and suspense. It was a heavy way to start a story, but that's how my life is going right now. There's a poll on my profile. Please vote for the location that you would like to see the gang go for Spring Break. Please leave a review, and let me know what you think. What did you think of the flasback? Was it what you were expecting? If you review, I will send you a sneak peek at the next chapter. Get excited for the next chapter! It's EPOV. I'm a little worried because I'm learning it's really hard to get into his head.