Chapter 17: Jared- Kim Smiles

I wasn't sure exactly what I was going to do now that I was on Christmas break. The black-haired vamp and his red head mate hadn't showed their perfect stone faces in over two weeks, Emily had returned to the Makah rez with Sam to visit her sister and parents. Paul was leaving for a ski trip in Mount Baker with his family, and Embry, well Embry was pretending to not know me but I wasn't taking it personal, because even if he did want to be around me I wasn't very good company now.

I wasn't going to allow myself to cry so I made myself follow my mom; washing clothes, and lacklusterly planning our master gingerbread house.

Every year my mother and I entered a gingerbread house competition at the Forks Baptist Church. We weren't Baptist, but we always swept the show, no one out did my mom when it came to baking and confections. We drew a diagram and even started to make different shade of frosting before we realized we were missing an essential ingredient, flour.

It was just past 7pm and I ran to the Ateara's corner store not bothering to keep up with the charade, heading out the house without a coat or gloves although it was below freezing and after last night's snowfall there was over a foot of snow on the ground. I did have the sense to put on sneakers even though I had an almost religious abhorrence to wearing them.

When I stepped into the blazing hot store I was assaulted with a wave of a tropical aroma, exotic coconut and lime, and again, as if the fates were cursing me a hint of gummy bears... Kim was here, and I played with the idea of running to a store Hoquiam before I caught sight of her, and I was pulled in. I instinctively drew closer and she stiffened, she hadn't seen me but I knew she could sense me near.

Her rigid posture snapped me out of my imprint daze and I spun around making my way down the far aisle, straight for the dried goods. Her footsteps were like music to me, and I listened to her as she made her way down the opposite side of the aisle. There was an uncanny throbbing energy between us, and I could hear her elevated breath and speeding heart rate matching my own.

When she stopped on the other side I stopped and leaned my head against the shelf inhaling deeply. She was standing just on the other side, I could feel her, I closed my eyes just basking in her energy, the broken gravitational pull mending as we stood a few feet away, just a thin metal shelf between us.

"Jared," she breathed my name and it made my stomach knot. It was a soft, gentle sounding Jared, not the drawn out mocking two syllable: Jar-ed I had become accustomed to as of late. I inhaled so deeply I started to smell her lipgloss, an orangey tinted concoction that glided against my lips when we kissed.

Her breathing got uneven and I realized I hadn't responded.

"Yeah," my voice cracked when I uttered it, a simple sound but it was heavy with meaning.

"I'm sorry. I miss you," she whispered a little louder and she was gone.

I didn't have time to react. Even though my body is fast, my mind hadn't reacted quickly enough. She was out of the store and down the road before I realized that Kim had apologized. The last thing in the world I ever expected her to do, she apologized.

Maybe it was the imprint, but her words were like a curtain being pulled back and the sun shone through again. It was all I needed to hear and I was sucked in again. I was rotating around Kim again and I kicked myself for being so completely enthralled when it had become so much easier to just pretend I hated her.

It was ridiculous, I couldn't hate her, it was just a defense mechanism to ensure my sanity when Kim was so inconsistent and unpredictable I never knew if she was planning an attack. But I had no choice now, I couldn't stay angry with her after she apologized, because I knew it took a lot for her to do it.

I grabbed the flour, bought it, dropped it off at home, apologized to my mother and ran out again, straight to Kim. I knew I would, even though I begged myself not to, my feet went where they wanted to be. I rang her bell and as if she were waiting for me she popped out within seconds, still wearing her coat. We stood there looking at each other for a long time and I saw she was waiting, waiting for me to speak.

So I took a chance, I pulled her to me, kissing her forehead . She tried to pull away but my hand was firmly planted behind her head and after a few long seconds she turned her lips up to mine, her tongue brushing lightly against my bottom lip. I loosened my grip from around her neck and let it fall down her back, tracing the roof of her mouth with my tongue, she responded with a muffled moan and a desperate shuffle to get closer to me.

"I'm sorry," I whispered in her mouth, before my tongue met hers in a tango.

I had been wrong too, something I didn't let myself ponder because I didn't want to feel guilty. I wanted to feel mad, I needed to feel mad, but I was wrong too. I shouldn't have let anyone talk to her like that, not even my dad, I should have explained my feelings better, I should have told her about being a wolf, I should have said a lot of things; where was my Word-a-day calendar when I really needed it?

She was clawing at my back trying to get as close to me as possible and I pulled her up to my body, pressing her flush against the door. She felt so good, so warm and petite.

"Please. don't apologize. please," she pleaded between kisses.

Her warm briny tears landed on my lips but I continued to kiss her. "I'm sorry. Jared. I'm so sorry," she continued to apologize as my lips crushed against her, but I didn't stop her, and a very petty part of me didn't want her to stop, that part needed to hear her sorrys.

I was buzzing with relief and almost painful lust, it had been two miserable and lonely months. She pulled her face as far away from mine as she could and I attacked her neck with a flurry of kisses.

"Jared, say something," she pleaded and words just started flowing out. Of course after two months I find the right words. Still kissing her neck I ranted in short sentences, dying for my lips to make contact with as much of her as possible.

"I'm such an idiot. I shouldn't have let my dad bully you like that. You're the most important person in the world to me. I blew my chance to prove it to you. I'm sorry. And should have told you earlier but I was scared. You're everything. I have no right to be mad if you hid things from me. I have so many things I should tell you. And I want to know everything about you too. And I don't want you to feel like you can't tell me things. Because, Kim I love you. I do and I don't care if you don't love me. Or if you can't love me, you don't have to. I just want to be in your life in anyway that—" she cut me off with a kiss, opening the door and pulling me after her. She tried to kiss me and walk up the stairs at the same time but it wasn't happening to I lifted her up bridal style and rushed up the stairs to her room.

I kicked the door closed behind me placing her gently on her feet. She pulled off her coat, awkwardly looking around the room. My heart was racing, I didn't know what was happening, I never did with Kim.

"Jared, you know that night? I was going to tell you about my dad. I saw a letterhead for your dad's company on your refrigerator, I was going to tell you, I wasn't trying to hide it, it's just so embarrassing, Jared. You have this perfect family and life and my family is constantly on the verge of appearing on Cops and it makes me feel so dirty—I'm sorry," she trailed off, taking a seat on the bed defeated.

"So that's what you were going to tell me?" I asked sitting next to her.

"Huh?"

"That night, I said I needed to talk to you and you said you wanted to tell me something, was that it?" I said grabbing her hand.

"Oh, no. But I was going to tell you about my dad too," she said facing me. Her eyes were still tearing and I swiped a stray from the corner of her eyelid.

"Are you okay?"

"Jared. I," she started sobbing, and I stroked her hair lightly shushing her. "I thought you-you hat-ted me," she was breathing so hard I started to worry she was hyperventilating.

"I messed everything up with you. I made you think that all I wanted from you was sex, but that's all I thought I could give you and Jared if you want more I can give you more, I'll try at least, I promise. Just don't hate me."

"I can't hate you, Kim. I love you," I murmured in her ear laying her back against the bed, but she sat up, bringing her legs to her chest and cradling them.

"Jared."

"Yea?"

"Um, Jared."

"Yes, Kim?"

"That night I was going to tell you that aluvoo."

"What?"

"I… love you."

I stared at her for a long time, again words fail me at the most crucial points in my life, but this time it was okay. I didn't really need them to express my feelings. I stared into her beautiful eyes, they were filled with so much love I didn't need an explanation. I pulled her arms from around her knees and wrapped them around my neck, my hands settling on the exposed skin of the small of her back where her jeans and shirt didn't quite meet.

A sense of urgency electrified the room, two months of thinking, dreaming, praying to be with her like this again. Knowing that she loved me, that Kim felt even a portion of what I felt for her, it was like a current pulsing through the room.

Being so close to her, wanting her so bad, I started to damn myself for wearing a shirt, desperate to have as much of our skin touching as possible. She seemed to be thinking the same thing and she slowly lifted herself up, carefully removing her soft white sweater, exposing a thin purple camisole. She wasn't wearing a bra and I could see her perfect little nipples already standing at full attention. I put my mouth over one of them, lashing my tongue out at it through the fabric. She arched and whimpered, and I continued, switching sides.

This was the first time, or it would be the first time, when sex with Kim wasn't rushed or unexpected. We knew what was happening, and the anticipation was building. We never had room for foreplay, and I marveled in it, kissing my way down the center of her breast down her stomach, using my thumbs to lift the cami and expose her midriff completely.

I darted my tongue out and into the tiny divot of her belly button, which was an adorable mix of inny and outty. She bucked involuntarily, but the movement sent a waft of her arousal. I crawled back up her body, completely removing her shirt with her eager help.

I kissed her again, pulling back with a question in my eyes. I didn't want to make another mistake. She nodded and she hurriedly helped me unbutton her jeans.

I was doing everything at a snail's pace, savoring the moments while enjoying the frustrated and passionate sounds that she was emitting at uneven intervals. I let my hand graze over the top of her cotton underwear, lightly tracing circles over her mound, and she responded with bucking movement, pressing herself more firmly against my hand. I pulled back, not allow her the full pressure she desired. She clawed at my shoulder, my tongue still tracing small and steady circles on and around her nipple.

"Jared," she moaned my name and I added pressure to my fingertips.

It was becoming painfully obvious how much she wanted me, the warmth moisture of her arousal turning me on so much I couldn't keep up this teasing. I used my thumb to push the cotton of her panties aside and slid my middle finger up her crease. She shuttered audibly when I reached her swollen clit, hovering for a few seconds before I grazed it.

Her sounds were driving me crazy, the way she twitch and moaned. I wanted to be inside of her, to feel her tight around me again, but she was enjoying this too much for me to stop.

I wanted this time to be different, special— the first time we made love as opposed to well… fucking. She loved me. She loves ME. It was almost unbelievable but her eyes told me it was true, and maybe if I hadn't been such an idiot I could have saved myself the heartache, because the look at been there all along.

I positioned myself so that I was half on top of her, one hand cupping her left breast while my tongue played with her right nipple, my other hand continuing to trace up and down her slit rubbing her sensitive area with care.

Her smell was addicting, so concentrated and yet so different. Her jeans were tight and restricting, so I removed my hand which made Kim sigh loudly as I laced my thumbs through her belt-loops and slid them off of her. I was kneeling between her legs and she lifted her butt to help me, her mound pressing against my chin.

I didn't remove her underwear, I kept them there to tease her and also because I was nervous. I had had sex with her, three glorious time, but I hadn't actually seen her nether regions and what was the etiquette in this situation? Was I allowed to see her there? Did I have to ask?

Her thighs, which were muscled and tanned but not as darkly as the rest of her body, were tempting me. I rested my cheek against one of them, rubbing my stubbled chin against it as she squealed. Then I kissed it, the beautiful soft skin was so different here, so much more satiny, so intimate.

"Ummm," she was moving and with every buck, twist, and turn the smell of her wetness was more potent. I kissed her thigh again, switching to the other side as my hand crept between her legs. I snuck a peek, my thumb pushing the rust orange cotton of her panties to the side, the shade was so perfect it looked as if it were made to go with her copper skin.

She made a huffing sound and chuckled bringing her hands to either hip and making to slide them off. I panicked a little.

"Jared are you scared of vaginas?" she asked, peeling with laughter.

"No… I just never, well, you know…"

"Relax! Come here, you've done well, let's do it already. I'm dying here," she cooed pulling at me but I felt a challenge and I didn't back down from a challenge. I pulled her underwear off with a flourish looked at her.

When I had seen them before in porn and anatomy books, I'd always thought (ARROW) this is where you enter, the end. Well they looked much more complicated up close. She laughed, pulling my hair and trying to drag me back up, but I returned my finger inside of her, using my thumb to sweep her clit. She stopped laughing immediately, her chuckle turning into a whine.

With my face so close, her legs spread, so exposed in front of me, I couldn't help but wonder what she would taste like. I imagined it would be sweet with a hint of salt like it's smell and without asking for permission I replaced my thumb with my tongue flicking her little pink nub.

"Jared!" she screamed, so loudly that if we weren't alone anyone in the house would have clearly heard. I liked it, not only her taste but the sounds she made. I removed my fingers gripping either side of her hips and gluing her in place. I didn't know what I was doing, there wasn't really a manual on going down on a girl (not one that I had read anyways) and I felt a little stupid at first until I heard her heart and breathing change, the way it did before she came.

I tried something new, my tongue penetrating her just as she thrashed and exploded with a colorful burst of expletives, which were such a turn on I pounced, covering her neck with kisses. She pushed me back kissing me full on the lips, her tongue dancing with mine. She was glorious, I couldn't help but pull back and stare.

"Stop doing that," she giggled blushing and covering her face with her hands. I pulled them away, her face was the best part.

"You're so beautiful," I breathed from my kneeling position above her. She looked me in the eye and blinked a few times before rolling them dramatically.

"Why am I naked but you're still fully dressed?" she asked still blushing.

"Cuz I don't look good naked like you," I joked rubbing my hands up and down her thighs, which were spread to accommodate me kneeling between them.

"That's what you think," she breathed, sitting up and tugging at my shirt. I helped her take it off because I was boiling hot in her heated room. Her heartbeat sped when her hands roamed over my torso.

"So you like my body?"

"Yeah, as about much as you do Mr. Barechest in the winter," she smiled so brightly it shone throughout the unlit room and I joined her. "Your smile is beautiful," she said stealing my line, I didn't know how to respond she hadn't complimented me before.

"It's a wolf thing, you know, the shirtlessness not the smile. Our body temperature is high it sucks wearing clothes."

"So do you all have ridiculous muscles?" She asked her hand roaming over my biceps. Another compliment... or sort of, I could get used to this.

"Yeah, I guess... I don't think they're ridiculous, we need them," I said kissing her again.

"And how many wolf-men are there in the world? Do you guys have conferences?" With Kim I was never quite sure if she was joking or not, so I took it as curiosity. I chuckled, lying on top of her carefully holding my weight on my elbow and putting my face in the crook of her neck.

"I don't know about the world, but there are four of us in La Push," I said my lips brushing her neck as I spoke.

"Who?" She questioned turning to look at me, I started to answer but her stomach growled loudly.

"When was the last time you ate?" I asked taking time to examine her weight loss.

Kim was not this skinny before, I liked that about her, she was soft and feminine and well, extraordinarily beautiful. But once I looked closer I could see where her waist had indented further and how her collarbone jutted out much more dangerously.

"I ate gummy bears a few hours ago, I was going to buy something at the corner store, but you distracted me," she said covering herself partially with the sheet.

"Are you on a diet or something?"

"Do you think I should be?"

"Hell no! You're perfect. Actually, now you're a little skinny," I admitted, pulling the sheet back so I could gratuitously stare at her body again.

"I thought boys liked that," she said eyeing me seductively, but now that I was worried about her health I couldn't really think about sex… well not all that much.

"Let's eat," I said pulling her out of bed. She stood in front of me, grinning.

"You're seriously going to give up sex for food?" She asked pulling on a pair of track pants.

"Well, we can have sex after," I said helping her put on her shirt, taking time to smooth out the breast region. Then a thought occurred to me, "Why were you trying to lose weight?"

"I wasn't, I was just… I just… I missed you. I missed you so much I couldn't think about food," and that melted my resolve, I kissed her passionately, grabbing at every part of her I could, until her stomach growled again and she pulled away.

"Yeah, I guess we should fix that first," and she nodded. We would have plenty of time for sex.