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Chapter 18: Making Plans

Bella's POV

I couldn't look at him; I couldn't see the disgust in his eyes and not breakdown. The silence grew deafening, and I broke for the door. I didn't know where I was going, but it was going to be far away from here. My mind was screaming to run, to get away. It would hurt being away from him, but it was the right thing to do. I had to protect myself. I couldn't let another man hurt me, and after I told him about my past, he would turn me away. That would hurt, and I wouldn't let it happen. I flung the door open, steps from being clear, but being me, I tripped on the door frame. Could this get any more humiliating? I put my arms out, preparing to brace my fall.

I never hit the ground. Two strong arms wrapped around my waist and pulled me back to my feet. I knew it was Edward; I could smell him, and his touch always caused electricity to course through my body. He turned me so we were facing each other, but I kept my eyes down. Why does he have to affect me this way? All I wanted to do was lean into his warmth and let him hold me, comfort me, love me. I couldn't though; I couldn't allow myself to get any closer when he would just push me away later. And he would, because who would want a defective, broken person?

My resolve firmed, and I knew I had to get away, now. Steeling myself, I pushed against his chest. He didn't budge and his hold on my waist didn't falter. I tried again. This time I stepped back as well. His hold only grew stronger.

"Stop Bella," his voice was stern. He was making this harder than I wanted it to be. He leaned down to place his forehead on mine. I closed my eyes to guarantee I wasn't looking into his eyes, his shimmering, intense emerald eyes. "Look at me." I couldn't meet his eyes; I couldn't see the pity and disgust, not from him.

"No," I said, my voice wavering, coming across weaker than I had intended. I hit his chest, hoping it would stun him enough for him to lose grip. He pulled my hands from his chest to my side then wrapped his safe arms around me, encompassing me in his strong, safe arms. Just like I wanted. Upon that realization, I struggled harder. He placed his cheek on mine and whispered in my ear.

"Bella, you listen to me and listen well. Whatever happened, whatever is happening, and whatever will happen doesn't matter. Living this experience, what it was, has shaped you into the person you are now; the kind-hearted, sweet, ambitious, and beautiful beyond words woman that's right here, right now.

"I know you, Bella. I know you hate coffee but drink it to be social. I know that when you're angry, your eyebrows pucker and you get a slight southern accent. I know you have a self-confidence that is understated but stronger than most women's are. I know that secretly you miss having someone who needs to be taken care of. I know you are one of the strongest women I know and can survive anything if you're willing to fight. I know you put on a brave face and hide things because you don't want to burden anyone or make them feel bad, but baby, you don't have to do that anymore.

"I'm here for you, in every way. Stop taking the world on your shoulders. Let me help you; let me be there for you. I want you to share that burden with me. Don't bear it alone.

"I am the luckiest man in the world, because you chose me. I adore you, Bella. I adore everything about you, both good and bad. I wake up and fall asleep thinking about you. You consume my every thought. I spend my day in the hopes you'll call and want to see me or in the very least get to listen to your gorgeous voice and laughter. I look into my future, Bella, and all I see is you. Please, don't push me away. I'm here to stay, through thick and thin. I need you, Bella. Please don't leave. I need you."

Who knew three words could break me so utterly? I need you. He had whipered those words sounding so helpless. Everything I felt and everything I craved wrapped up in three words. I wrapped my arms around his waist and squeezed tight not having the strength to fight this anymore, to carry it all alone. His arms tightened in response. He moved to rest his cheek on my head, my face tucked into the crook of his neck. He rubbed my back soothingly, lovingly as we stood there.

"Shh, baby. Everything's going to be okay. We're going to be okay."

I hadn't realized I was crying until he brought it to my attention. I wasn't just crying, I was sobbing. It was a mixture of emotions. I was so scared he'd take it all back once he heard my story, so scared he would look at me with disgust. I was angry we had to even face this. Why couldn't I have a break? Why did there have be baggage we would have to deal with? Yet, above all that, I felt so completely happy that he didn't let me run away and hopeful that it truly would be okay. I clung to that, to him. It could have been minutes or hours, I wasn't paying attention to the time, before he started walking back to the living room, never relinquishing his hold.

He pulled me down to sit next to him on the couch. A tissue box was pushed in front of my face. I looked at who held it to thank them and felt confused. When did she get here? Rosalie just smiled and patted my hand. She was sitting on the other side of me. I looked around to see Emmett in a recliner and Alice and Jasper sitting on the love seat. They each looked at me cautiously but tenderly. I gave a weak smile to each as I dabbed my eyes. When I smiled at Emmett, his answering smile was wide and goofy. I couldn't contain my giggle.

"Bella," Jasper said quietly, drawing my attention to him. "I've given them some basics about what's going on. They know I'm your therapist and that we're working on your PTSD."

"You didn't tell them anything else?" I asked.

"No. We've talked about this. It's your story to tell when you're ready." I nodded numbly. What do I say? How do I say it? Do I tell them everything? What will they do? What will they say? Rosalie placed a hand on my back. I looked over to see only encouragement and support in her eyes. I chanced a glance at Alice. She looked eager; not to hear what happened but for me to finally open up to her, so she would know how to help. Emmett looked guarded and worried, but supportive. Edward's face was so tender and offered reassurance. He said it didn't matter. Believe him. You know you want to. He gave a quick squeeze to my hand, offering his comfort and support.

"There's something you all need to know," I said quietly. I looked to Jasper when my nervousness peaked. He nodded and pulled Alice tighter to himself. "I don't really know how to say this. I'm sure you've all seen how I am with strangers and crowds. I get uncomfortable when I'm not in control of a situation. I get angry when a choice is taken from me. I react badly to some situations." I looked at Edward apologetically, remembering all too well the events of last night. He smiled slightly. "There are a few things that happened in my past.

"These things were horrible, and I hated myself for so long because of it. I still hate myself for it sometimes." I felt Edward shift next to me and looked to see him about to say something, to object the idea. I appreciated the sentiment, but it really would do more damage than good to contradict me. "Don't try to correct me. It's how I feel, and I won't be marginalized." He smiled apologetically and sat back. I drew in a heavy breath and let it out slowly. "It's two events really. The first one when I was sixteen.

"I was living in Phoenix with Renee and Phil. Some of his teammates were coming over to help teach me baseball. They came early and waited in the living room. They were drunk. I tried to stop them, but a sixteen-year-old-girl doesn't really match up against three grown men." I looked around to everyone's face. They were all tense and sitting rigidly. "They cut me with a knife." I heard Alice and Rosalie gasp. "I have scars from them." I looked over at Alice. "It's why I never let you put me in a bikini. They continued to come over and whenever they were able to get me alone they'd cut me somewhere else. I have a tally count on my back that they kept, one for each encounter." I heard Rosalie sniff and looked over to see her eyes screwed shut and bottom lip quivering even though she had her lips pursed tight. "One day 23 came over alone." I saw some confused looks and didn't understand. I looked at Jasper. He smiled minutely.

"23 was the baseball number of one of the men," he said, clearing their confusion.

"Oh, yeah. Sorry. I got two marks that day, one for when he cut me and another for when he…forced himself on me." I couldn't bring myself to say it. If Edward heard what I really meant, he wouldn't want me. Edward's hand tightened on mine. I looked up to see his eyes closed. Instead of anger, like I had expected, his face was etched with pain. It was bewildering. What was so painful for him? He opened his eyes slowly, and he looked so hurt.

"I'm so sorry that happened to you," he whispered.

"It's not your fault." I cupped his cheek and smiled. He didn't smile back but leaned into my touch. He placed his free hand over mine and pulled it into his lap. He held both hands so tenderly.

"Did you say there were two things?" I looked over at Alice and nodded to answer her question. She was quietly crying, wrapped in Jasper's arms.

"I started dating Jacob when I was seventeen. I met him when I moved in with Charlie. He and Billy, Jacob's dad, are best friends so that's how we met. It almost seemed inevitable. We knew each other when were little and I would see him during the summer weeks that I spent with Charlie.

"We started dating, and it didn't take long before Jacob turned out to be very controlling and abusive. I refused to sleep with him, and he was okay with that. Three years ago, I went home for a weekend. We went to a party and bonfire afterwards. Paul was taunting Jacob about me being a prude. He was drunk. One comment made him snap, and he decided he was done waiting. That night was the second time I had sex; it was the second time I was raped." I looked up at Alice again. "That's when I came back with the torn ACL and black eye."

Recognition dawned on her face and she blanched. She jumped up with a hand clamped over her mouth and ran for the bathroom I assumed. I felt Edward release one of my hands. I looked over to see his eyes screwed shut, thumb and forefinger pinching the bridge of his nose, and he was breathing heavily. My heart sank. Of course, he's angry. He wasted time on you. My attention was drawn to Rosalie when she stood and walked into the kitchen. See, even she's disgusted with you. Then Emmett got up and walked to the kitchen as well. Four down Bella; one to go. Just then, I looked up to see Jasper kneeling in front of me.

"Count your breaths," I heard him say, but his voice was so far away. He looked like he was further away than he should be as well. My ears started ringing and my vision was spotting. His words registered, and I realized I was having a panic attack. I felt Edward rubbing my back, soothing me, and looking at me with concern. I looked back to Jasper to see that he was still talking, so I focused on his voice. "Count. One. Two. Three." I nodded and started to count.

"What do I need to do?" I heard Edward say. Jasper took my hand and placed it on Edward's chest.

"Just breathe steadily. Count with her. Bella, focus on his breathing." I focused on the feel of his chest rising and falling. I started counting and heard him count with me. "Good. That's good. You'll be fine. I'm going to go check on Alice." He stood, patting Edward's shoulder, and then he left the room. It took a minute before my breathing was back to normal. Edward helped me through it. He never complained, never made me feel like a burden.

"Bella, are you okay?" Edward asked. Was I okay? Considering what I had just revealed and the reaction it received, surprisingly, yes. Jasper wasn't going to abandon me, and Edward seemed to be hanging around too. That was more than I could have asked for.

"I will be," I answered. He searched for something in my face, what I wasn't sure. He must have found it, because the next second I found myself sitting on his lap, his arms crushing me to him. I laid my head on his shoulder and reveled in the comfort he provided. "I'm sorry."

"What?" He pulled me back to look at me, confusion clouding his face. "What do you have to be sorry about?"

"I'm sorry about what happened. I-"

"Isabella, stop it." His voice was stern, matching his features. I snapped my mouth shut and just looked at him. "You have nothing to be sorry for. What happened, what they did to you, is not in any way your fault. Those…those…monsters are despicable, vile, and repulsive creatures, not you. You were the victim in the situation. You did nothing to deserve that or encourage that. You were taken advantage of.

"What I said earlier still stands." He grasped my face in his hands to ensure I was listening. "Were you listening to what I said?" I nodded. "What did I say?" Is he really going to make me say it? "Say it. Tell me what I said to you."

"You said I was kind." I was whispering, scared to hear him reject what I was saying. He nodded. "You said I was sweet." He nodded again. "You said I was beautiful." I looked down, embarrassment clear on my face through my blush.

"No." I looked up at him, tears welling in my eyes. I knew this time would come. "I said you were beautiful beyond words. Your story just cemented that. You lived that and survived. You chose to keep going and move on with your life. Not everyone would have done that. You have a strength not many possess. You understand that right?" I stared at him blankly. I'd never thought of it that way before. "Bella, do you understand?" His voice was stern and demanding, but his hold on my face remained soft.

"Do you really think that? Do you really see me that way?"

"Yes. I really do. I need you to understand that the negative image you have of yourself is completely fabricated. You're a wonderful, strong, and beautiful woman, and I'm going to get you to see that if it takes the rest of my life." My breathing hitched. Did he realize what he just said?

"How can you want someone that's defective?"

"You are not defective. You just have a past that makes you stronger than most."

"Everyone else finds me disgusting. They ran."

"They didn't run from you. They just need some time to process." He pulled me back to his chest cradling me there. "Just talk to them."

We stayed that way for at least ten minutes. I was still shocked he hadn't sent me packing. He had an unhealthy image of me; it glossed over all the imperfections. I didn't have the strength to argue with him though. I wanted this too badly. I soon hear shuffling and looked up to see everyone was back in the living room. Alice looked pale, and Jasper held her in a comforting manner. Rosalie looked like she may have been crying and Emmett couldn't take his eyes off her. I waited for someone to say something, but they were all quiet. I needed to break the tension. I had had enough of that for one day.

"I understand that you find me disgusting right now and-"

"ISABELLA MARIE SWAN! Don't you dare say something as…as…stupid as that," Rosalie yelled. "We do not find you disgusting. Not in the least. You survived that. You moved forward from that. To do that takes a strength that not everyone has. Don't minimize your ability to survive and thrive."

"Bella, I could never find you disgusting. You're my best friend and you mean the world to me, no matter what's in your past, present, or future," Alice said.

"But you ran from me," I said quietly. Alice's face crumpled, and she looked hurt.

"I didn't run from you. I was sick that you had to go through that. Bella, it hurts me that you had to go through that. You're one of the best people I know. You didn't deserve any of that. I don't understand how you're not bitter and hate the world, honestly."

"I just needed a minute to collect myself," Rosalie said softly. "You dredged up some painful memories." I looked at her curiously. "That's a conversation for another time."

"I just went to check on Rosie," Emmett said, and surprisingly she didn't glare at him for the nickname.

"We're all here for you," Edward said, brining my attention back to him. "We want to help you in any way that we can, but we're not leaving you. Just tell us what you need from us." I looked over at Jasper not sure what to say. He smiled at me softly.

"Honey," he said. "We've talked about this. Everything he's said today, everything you've heard, he wasn't joking or stinging you along. We love you and only want to help in any way we can." I took a few moments to think about it.

"I'm not really sure," I said looking around. "Other than not running, I'll have to think about it."

"We can do that," Edward said with conviction.

"I'm sorry I ran earlier," I said as I turned to face Edward. "I was so scared you would see how defective-"

"The first thing you're going to do is stop talking about yourself like that." He looked at me pointedly.

"I was scared you would think I was defective and pull away. I thought it would be easier to spare myself from seeing you walk away. Plus, I wanted you to have a somewhat healthy image of me to remember."

"Like I said, you're stuck with me. Get used to it." I could only smile at him. His words meant more than he would know.

"Okay. Right now I think it would be nice to have a distraction, and let me pretend we didn't have this conversation until I can process it later."

"Then let's talk about Disney World," Alice said excitedly. I looked over to see her bouncing in Jasper's lap. "You know how I like to plan. So, I've already called and made reservations at the Radisson Resort in Orlando. We've got four rooms that are all next door to each other, and they're a little under $100 a night. That's not bad.

"The passes for the park are going to be $270. That's for four Magic Your Way Park Hopper tickets for one person. That means we have four tickets that can be used at any park so four days total. Isn't that what we said?" We nodded. "I was researching plane tickets, and that's where we're going to be spending some money. On average for a round trip for one person, it was about $440. I know we're all flying out at different times because of work and tests so we're going to book flights separately. Just try to arrive and be checked into the hotel by noon on Saturday. That way we can go to lunch together and start our vacation."

Everything she had just talked about amounted to just over $1000. This vacation was already getting expensive. I had talked to Renee a few days ago and told her of our plans. She insisted that since I refused a graduation present when I got my Bachelor's that she and Phil wanted to help pay for this trip. We argued for a long time before I finally gave in. I didn't want to put them out so much though. Maybe I could scour for a cheaper plane ticket. I could also just by a three-day pass. I'd spend the extra day exploring Orlando. That wouldn't help much though. I still had to plan for food, souvenirs, and cabs and such.

"Bella," I heard Edward say. I looked up at him. "Where'd you go, baby?"

"Oh," I said. "I'm sorry. I was just thinking about the trip. What do you mean any park, Ali?"

"Any of the six," she answered.

"Six? I thought we were going to Disney World. Isn't it just one big thing?"

"Disney World has six parks. Each one is themed differently. Magic Kingdom is the main part and it's all the typical Disney stuff. Epcot is all about technology and different parts of the world. MGM is the movie/Hollywood themed one, and Animal Kingdom. It's pretty self-explanatory. They're all cool, but my favorite is Magic Kingdom. It has a huge replica of Cinderella's castle. Then there are two different water parks."

"Oh wow. That sounds like a lot to do." Conversation flowed and soon we put on a movie to watch in hopes that it would distract us from the heavy revelations. I spent the movie trying to focus on the screen, but I couldn't stop mulling over the earlier conversation. I wanted to make sure they weren't lying to me. I didn't think they would, but I also knew they would be nice. I didn't want them to censor themselves. After the movie we ordered Chinese for lunch. While we ate they shared stories of their past visits to Disney World. They were hilarious and making my excitement level rise. After lunch, we put on another movie.

Everyone had grown tired after lunch and the movie. It may have only been 6:30, but it had been an exhausting day. Alice and Jasper left, and, to everyone's surprise, Emmett was taking Rosalie to dinner. When she left to get ready, Emmett sat down with a wide grin. I couldn't help but smile along with him.

"I think our plan worked," I said to Edward.

"I believe it did," he answered smugly.

"What plan?" Emmett asked.

"The plan to get you two together," I answered quietly, worried he would be upset with my meddling. He stood up, walked over, and just stood in front of me. His face was blank, and I worried I had made him mad. I didn't have to worry for long. His face broke into a large teeth-bearing grin before he pulled me off the couch into a bone-crushing hug.

"I love you, Bellaboo." He finally put me down and I was able to breathe. I stumbled a bit before regaining my balance.

"You're not mad?"

"No way. She's a gem. I'm thankful." I smiled at him. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a date to get ready for." He walked to his room, and I sat back down. Edward pulled me to him and put an arm over my shoulders. It was nice just to sit and snuggle up to him.

"Do you want me to take you back home?" Edward asked. I sighed not wanting to leave but knowing I needed to.

"If you don't mind. I want to be there for Rose."

"I don't mind at all. I'll just get back to studying. I have the test this Friday before I fly to Florida."

"I saw the book beside the bed when I woke up. I'm sorry for interrupting."

"There's no need to apologize. You're welcome to interrupt me anytime you need me. About the flight Friday, I won't be able to leave until 8:00 that night at the earliest. So, I'll call you before I get on the plane." I looked up at him guardedly.

"Do you not want me to fly with you?"

"That's not it at all. I just figured you would want to fly with Alice and Rosalie. If you're willing to wait, I would love for you to go with me." I just nodded. I leaned into him, needing the closeness. "Do you mind telling me why you came over?" I took a moment to collect my thoughts.

"At the end of the session I was realizing how much control Jacob still had over me. It was…it hurt; it scared me. I didn't want it to be true. I had believed him when he said no one else would want me. I was broken, defective. I didn't want him to be right. I came over to prove you wanted me, to prove I was desirable. I used you, and I'm sorry. You mean more to me than that."

"I know. I'm just sorry you needed that reassurance. I thought you knew I wanted you."

"No, no." I sat up and turned to him. "That's not what I meant. You've never made me question if you want me. I just needed, in that moment, something tangible."

"Well, anytime you want a tangible reminder, I'm certainly game. That little make-out session was rather enjoyable," he said, trying to lighten the mood. I blushed. I couldn't believe how forward I had been. "Don't be embarrassed. It's not a bad thing. I wouldn't be opposed to a repeat, but we need to talk about what your triggers are. I don't want to cause that again. I want you to be completely comfortable with me.

"I need you to understand that I'm not expecting anything from you. Never do anything you're uncomfortable with because you think it's what I want. I want you in any way you'll allow, but this is going to happen at your pace. Promise me that. Promise you'll talk to me and let me know what you want as well as what you're not comfortable with." He tucked a strand of hair behind my ear.

"I promise," I said, my voice thick with unshed tears. He seemed too good to be true. He cupped my cheek and leaned forward to kiss me. It was soft and sweet, no demanding for more, no expectation. It was nice but after last night's kiss, before my freak out, I wanted more.

I kissed him back with passion. He was hesitant at first but once I ran my tongue over his lip he kissed me back with fervor. His hand moved to the back of my neck and pulled me closer. His tongue probed my mouth and when our tongues met, he moaned. His other hand rested on my waist and mine went to his hair. It was so soft, and I had learned when I tugged it drove him crazy. So I did and he responded immediately. He pulled me closer; his hands rubbed my scalp and waist. My shirt had ridden up, and his fingers were caressing my skin. Electricity coursed through my body, lighting it on fire. I heard another moan and realized it was coming from me, but it felt too good to care.

"Get a room," I heard Emmett say. I pulled back abruptly to see him laughing as he walked to the kitchen. My face flushed, red and I hid behind my hands.

"Mind you own business jackass," Edward yelled. I could hear Emmett's booming laugh. He rubbed my back and smoothed out my hair. I didn't want to think about how it looked. "Was that okay?"

"That was more than okay," I answered without hesitation. He chuckled. "You should probably take me home now. I'm sure Alice is already there." He stood, grabbed my hands, and pulled me off the couch. He walked into his bedroom and came back with my purse. "Oh! I forgot my truck was here. I can drive myself."

"Alice took your truck. We didn't know if you'd be up to driving." He smiled apologetically.

"I guess I can understand that." I took my purse from him. "Ready when you are." Emmett came out of the kitchen with a sandwich. "Why are you eating? You're about to go to dinner."

"He eats like a pig. One sandwich won't hamper his appetite."

"Are you not gonna stay and see me off on my date?" he pouted at me.

"I'll see you off from my apartment," I said as I patted his arm. "I'm going to help Rose get ready. Don't keep her waiting. It took a lot for her to give you a chance. You don't want to mess up before you get an actual chance."

"Yes ma'am." He saluted, and I laughed. He smiled wide, kissed my temple, and went back to getting ready. Edward drove me home and said to call him the next day to discuss plane tickets. I walked inside to find Alice and Rosalie arguing.

"Bella!" Rosalie bellowed. "I'm not going. Call Emmett, and let him know." She turned on her heel and stomped into her room.

AN: Yay! Edward didn't let her get away. Everyone knows now. There's nowhere to go but up now, right? And what's going on with Rose? Why is she freaking out all of a sudden? Let me know your theories.

Also, the Disney World chapter is coming up soon. In a review please let me know your favorite ride at Disney World, and I'll make sure to include it. If you can guess my favorite ride, I'll write you into the chapter. :) Who wouldn't love a cameo? Hint: It's in Epcot, and NOT a roller coaster. It takes longer than 15 minutes to complete.

I got 16 reviews last chapter!!!!! That's the most yet, and I was totally stoked. Can we try for 16 again? I would really love it. Review are what keep me going. I would love it if you could just put a smiley or frown face to let me know if you liked it. **:) :(** Although, I absolutely love when I get ones with substance. I reply to all of them. Review, and I'll send you a sneak peek at the next chapter.