Chapter 22: Kim Comforts

"Did you see the for sale sign?" My mom asked me as I chopped the block of chocolate for her cake.

"Yeah, but I haven't talked to her about it," I said honestly.

I saw the 'for sale' sign on her old house about a week ago, but I knew it was likely she hadn't seen it. I didn't want her to know. I wished her mother would just disappear and never affect her again, but I knew that she needed to know, and I knew it would hurt her. I wanted to protect her, protect her from everything, but her mother's completely bitchiness was impossible to shield.

"What is her mom thinking? She's just going to up and leave her daughter behind?" My mom said angrily, sifting flour into a large bowl next to me.

My mother had also become very, very protective of Kim during the time Kim stay with us; putting my dad and anyone else in their place if they even looked at her wrong. I loved it. My mom was the coolest woman alive.

"Yeah, I guess so. I don't know if Kim would even want to know. She's sorta been pretending her mom is dead or something," I said looking out the window.

It wasn't true, yeah she had been pretending like her mother was a nonentity but I also heard her call for her in her sleep. No matter how fucked up your mother is a child still craves their love and attention.

"She'll be here soon," my mom assured, smiling.

Kim was picking up Matty, I wanted to give her time alone with him so I gave her my car and stayed with my mom, who had missed Matty so much she was planning a feast that would be any child's dream: chicken quesadillas, macaroni and cheese, fries, and a double-decker chocolate banana cake.

"And you three are staying here tonight. I'm serious, it's a holiday no going to that garage room," she said sternly.

I nodded, I was sure Matty would like that. New Years Eve was never a big deal at my house but with Matty's visit it was buzzing and when I heard my car driving down the street I dropped what I was doing and ran out.

Matty hopped out of the car as soon as it was at a full stop and I lifted him up, swinging him back and forth until he squealed with laughter.

"I missed you!" He screamed.

"Me too, little guy," I wrapped him close to me and led him into the house. My mom was waiting, pulling Matty out of my hands as soon as he was in grabbing range. Matty was ecstatic, smiling widely as everyone around him cuddled and fawned over him.

Kim was on high, her eyes so bright they lit up the room, it gave me all sorts of warm fuzzies. I had planned to tell her tonight, after my mother brought it up I guessed she would be hearing it soon, and I thought it would be best if I did it, but seeing her so happy stopped that plan dead in it's tracks.

Dinner was excellent, my mom made it with Matty in mind but she had most of my favorites on the table too. When we finished dinner, we all sat in the living room, even my father, and Matty filled us in on his new life.

"So I joined the basketball team, I'm really bad at it, but my best friend Ryan is on the team. He's a Makah and he likes poker which I'm really good at. I beat him so bad yesterday and he had to give me all the candy from his Christmas stocking," Matty was on fire. I watched Kim's face carefully, making sure she was okay. I knew that even though all she wanted was Matty to be safe and happy it stung a little knowing he was doing it without her.

"Good job," my mom said winking at him.

We were originally going to watch the ball drop on TV but my mother thought that was too blasé for a Matty reunion, so she bought an arsenal of fireworks. I have no idea where she got them in the winter, another testament to my mother's awesomeness, but I was thrilled. Every guy likes fireworks, it's a biological thing.

Just past eleven we (sans dad) headed to the beach, thermoses full of hot chocolate, thick quilts to wrap ourselves in and enough firecrackers to blow up a hut. Matty clung to Kim the entire time, and I didn't protest, I gave them their space and my mom and I bundled in the corner.

"Jared."

"Yeah mom?" I looked at her, her voice was serious.

"Your father and I, well, um… we are going to be going through a trial separation starting tomorrow, we thought it would be good to start it on the New Year," she whispered looking away from me.

"What?" She had to be joking.

My mother and father were in love. They have always been so close, so disgustingly mushy.

"That's—but. How? Why?" I was close to shouting, but Matty and Kim were a good distance away skipping rocks at the water's edge so they didn't notice.

My mother sighed loudly, turning to look at me, her eyes were tearing. I hadn't seen my mother cry since my grandmother died when I was just a little boy. It hurt as much now as it did then.

"This has been five years in the making. I'm not saying we're going to divorce, maybe with time away—"

"I don't understand," this couldn't be happening, my father lived for her. He bent to her every will.

"Jared, you have to understand this has nothing to do with you. We both love you so much, we're so proud of you," she said pulling her knees to her chest.

My mother was still young, under forty, she like most women in my community, had children young—but right now she looked almost childlike.

"I know mom. But this doesn't make sense, you two are like a unit, I can't imagine dad without you," I said honestly, grabbing her hand, rubbing the side with my thumb.

"Some loves have an end date. I mean. No that's wrong, I didn't mean it like that. I love him, Jared. I love him, but I'm not in love with him. Not anymore," I had never been in love before Kim so I had no idea what that even meant. I would love Kim till my very last breath.

"Huh?"

"Jared, you know I'm 39 years old and I've been just so stuck for many years. I'm a housewife, this isn't what I wanted you know? I'm telling you this because I know you can handle it, Jared, you are so special. You are an amazing man. I am so happy I have you, but I didn't want that. I never went to college, what choice did I have?" She said leaning against me, I stroked her hair. Kim watched us for a second before turning back to Matty.

"This is crazy. What about dad?"

"Hmph, he'll be fine," she grumbled. I turned to look at her, I had a sick feeling. I had never heard my mother say anything negatively when it came to my dad. "Sorry," she said quickly.

"What is that about?" I asked, she shrugged and looked away, watching Matty and Kim who was running away from a large pile of seaweed he was chasing her with.

"Don't hurt her. Never even look at another woman, Jared. Promise me," she said inhaling deeply. My hands started to shake so I dropped hers, attempting to stand, but her arm came across my chest and rubbed me gently. "Jared, relax okay?"

He cheated on her? How could he? How could anyone ever compare to my mom? How could he betray her like that? I would kill him. Kill him with my bare hands.

"He. cheated. on you?" I asked through clenched teeth.

"It's more complicated than that," she whispered.

"Either he did or he didn't that's not complicated, mommy," my voice was shaking and I took a few deep breaths, I wasn't going to cry.

"You know one of the first things your father ever shared with me was his poetry," she said grabbing my hand in both of hers.

"Poetry?" My father, as far as I knew, was about numbers not words—he was an accountant for Christ's sake.

"Yeah. He's a secret poet. He used to have notebooks and notebooks of it and he read something to me after we kissed the first time, a poem about me. It was so beautiful. He said he would never, never show them to anyone, that it was a part of his heart that no one could have. It was mine," she sighed.

"So he showed someone his poetry, that I didn't even know he wrote?" I asked sarcastically. I didn't mean to be giving her a hard time but this was affecting me more than I thought it would, not that I even imagined this would happen.

"Tony's secretary." I huffed, Tony was my father's best work friend, his secretary was only a few years older than me with big hair and fake breast.

"So he's off reading her poetry? And you think that means they are having an affair?"

"I don't know if anything physical happened between the two of them. I honestly don't, but this is about an emotional betrayal and that hurts more. I went to Tony's office three weeks ago- I wanted to know more about Kim's father's case. I wasn't being nosey, I just needed to know if her mother had been involved. When I was there I saw a card on his secretary's desk. It was a hallmark thank you card that I recognized, I have a pack of them at home so I had to look. I couldn't help myself. It was worse than sharing his old poetry, he had written her something new. He hasn't done it for years. I used to be his muse... I don't know. Jared, I didn't know if I could tell this to you without sounding dumb," she was crying now, so I pulled her close to me and I didn't speak, I just rubbed her back and watched Kim, who was holding Matty upside down.

When she caught me looking at her, her face changed from devilish to worried. She put Matty down, but thankfully didn't come over, my mom's tears eventually subsided and she stood calling to Kim and Matty.

"It's 11:45, we have fifteen minutes to set these fireworks up," my mom called, and Matty ran to her side.

Every fourth of July my mother, father and I headed to the woods- the beach was always so full. We would find an empty clearing, my father would grill and my mother and I would make a huge fireworks show. I always liked to help her set them up, but today I let Matty do the honors, my stomach sour with the news.

"What's up," Kim whispered, lacing her fingers through mine and using her free hand to touch my face. I leaned into her touch and she sighed, pulling my face to hers. She kissed me softly and rested her forehead against mine.

"My parents are… separating," I whispered my breath was ragged, it was harder to say than I imagined.

"Oh baby," she shushed kissing me again and grabbing my face in her tiny hands so I had to look at her.

"I can't tell you I know what this feels like. My parents were never together, but I'm so sorry," she said pouting at my sad face.

I kissed her pouty lips. Some things could not be fixed with her presence, but I did feel better, comforted by her love.

There were houses near the beach, most of them full of life even at this hour. I heard them start to gather, screaming with excitement. It made me momentarily bitter but I shook it off.

"Jared, Kim come on! We have to make our resolutions," my mom screamed waving us over. It was a family tradition, we would all make one resolution and try to help each other keep it through the year.

They had set up all the large fireworks in a line, their wicks tied together about a foot away, ready for lighting.

"I'll go first!" Matty screamed, hopping.

It was cute. What kind of resolution could a ten year old make? "I promise to stop cheating at poker," he said smiling widely. I laughed in spite of myself. My mom grabbed his hand and spoke.

"I will start doing more things for me," she said pushing her shoulders back, I smiled. That's all I really wanted, a happy Kim, mommy and Matty... And Sam and Embry and Paul, I added. I had never had such a rich group of friends.

"I will start taking as good care of Jared as he does me," Kim said for my side, squeezing my hand and looking up at me.

She was so beautiful, sometimes when I wasn't expecting it, she took my breath away, her soft tanned skin, the light spread on freckles on her nose, the curve of her lips. She was just so beautiful that beautiful couldn't even describe it anymore.

"I will accept the things I can't change and cherish the things that are already perfect," I said still staring at her perfection. The nearby houses were abuzz, countdowns starting in every direction.

"That was beautiful. Is it an AA thing?" Kim asked kissing my hand.

"Might be, but hey if it works for them."

I pulled Kim back as Matty, with the help of my mom, lit the fireworks about two seconds too late. Before the fireworks went off screams and cheers from all corners of La Push reached my sensitive ears and I lifted Kim off the sand kissing her softly, weaving my hands through her silky hair.

The loud bangs rang through the beach but we didn't pull away, Matty cheering and shouting as I held the most important thing in my life. I made a secret resolution to myself to never shield her from the shitty things in the world around her, but to always be there when she needed it.

"I love you," she said pulling away. I set her down and watched as the last firework a large red blossom set fire to the sky.

"I love you too."