Book Two: Kim and the Wolf That Loved Her

Chapter 9: Jared's Absence

*Every second a star is born.*

"Where the fuck is he?" Leah screamed, her hands gripping the metal rails of my hospital bed, they shook hard under her attention, and I slapped them away. The exerted force I used to hit her backfired on my weakened body and I started to drift, feeling woozy. Good thing I was already lying down.

"I understand that her husband is not here but we need to get her to get her to the birthing room immediately, she's bleeding." The nurse, dressed in simple pink scrubs with a name tag that read Beatrice spoke calmly, but the blood was not little and it was soaking a small pool onto my white standard issue hospital bed, I might not make it and the only person I had by my side was Leah Clearwater.

"I'm going to phase and find him," Leah said taking off her reddish brown leather jacket and flinging it on the hospital room chairs.

"Please, don't leave me alone." The last words I said before I was carted away.

Third time's a charm, right? Must have been because this time I didn't cry; I didn't even need a pregnancy test, I just knew. I woke up that morning ready for a new day at my full-time job as a counselor at the community center and I just knew. I knew from the soreness of my body and from the sinking nausea in the pit of my stomach; and I was delighted. With Ethan and Taylor I'm ashamed to say, I was less than overjoyed, but now I was fucking ecstatic.

We weren't trying to get pregnant, in fact we had been doing quite the opposite, with Jared and I both working full-time jobs and two very active little boys, we rarely got to go at it like we used to. Whenever we did get to take pleasure in each other, it was with the aid of birth-control, condoms and the pull out method; a third precaution added after Taylor. Now that I was pregnant though, there was no happier feeling.

It wasn't particularly a good time in the pack for a pregnancy, they were at a stand off stage: too many wolves and not enough action. The pack was basically a bunch of immortal young adults with minimal responsibilities and supernatural abilities, which made for a pack of rowdy guys with nothing to lose. Within our tiny family though, it seemed there was no challenge we couldn't handle, yes money would be tight but we didn't need much in the way of luxuries.

"Mommy, can I have grilled cheese, please?" Taylor asked politely, pulling at my favorite maternity shirt, which was not really a maternity shirt at all but Jared's over sized baseball tee. It hugged my fully grown stomach but left the rest of me free as the wind and I loved it. I coveted the shirt, which had a big yellow number 7 and CAMERON printed on the back from years ago, when we were still calling Ethan, "Baby Lola".

It was 9:30 p.m., and technically Taylor should have been sleeping, but there was no way to say no when he looked up at you with a face like that. I could have used a snack anyway and he had said please, so with a tiny handed high five. I whipped up three grilled cheese snuggling in with my boys on the corner of the couch. Ethan liked to sit close so he could rest his hand on my belly and Taylor wanted to be wherever Ethan was.

"I enjoy cheddar," Ethan said articulately, as he helped his brother rip the crust off the edges of his sandwich.

"I like cheddar too. Is it your favorite?" I prodded. Ethan hadn't been much of the talker until recently, it worried us considering how quickly and fluently Taylor spoke. Ethan had very alert eyes and he watched everything around him with astute accuracy; but he didn't choose to speak until his little brother paved the road, breaking into full sentences not long after mumbled nonsense. While Ethan's first word was Daddy, Taylor's first word was a compound "baby-bed," which was what we called the crib.

Once Taylor got on a roll, Ethan came out of the corner and we found a little man we barely knew. Ethan was curious and compassionate, he wanted to know about how things worked and what people felt—and if he saw anything he thought was unfair, he would say something about it. Taylor was loving and gentle, he and Ethan never fought which was a miracle with boys so close together in age. And Amber, my all-consuming ball of fire, my little kicker, she was strong. I know every pregnancy is special but only the bright fire in my Amber could keep me going during the hardest pregnancy I ever experienced.

"Yes, it's my favorite," he said seriously nodding his little head twice, the smile on my lips turned to a grimace as my stomach churned, followed by a piercing pain that emanated from my spine: a contraction. Shit!

Our sons were both in school when I found out I was pregnant; Ethan, our oldest, had just turned six and was excelling in the First Grade. Don't ask me how he could excel in the First Grade, Ethan just did, he was a kick- ass reader and he could arts and craft all other kids into a corner. Our baby boy, Taylor, was just weeks away from his fifth birthday and was extremely mature. He was the most reasonable five-year old I had ever met, and he was also the cutest Kindergarten student in the world, hands down. Sometimes it was hard not to pick him up and cuddle him to bits with his little Incredible Hulk book bag and bowl haircut. His kindergarten teacher, Miss Romero, better known as Jessie in the pack circle, was Seth's new and well, first, real girlfriend.

Jared was gone for work when I woke up; he had moved up in Phil's father's construction company, allowing him a slightly larger paycheck but less time at home. So Matty was the first to hear the news, followed by my boys Taylor and Ethan, as I prepared them for school. They did not react at all like the books suggested they would: nervous, angry, jealous. They both mirrored my internal joy by bouncing around the house until I could call Jared at work and tell him.

"Sue? Is Seth there?" I asked calmly through the clenching of my fist. My hairline was dotted with sweat as yet another contraction hit.

"Patrol, group of vamps to the west, why? What's up? Leah's here," Sue offered as if that were a plausible substitution. Leah and I weren't friends, we weren't close in school nor had we gotten any closer since.

"I need someone, any wolf to get Jared. Now," I said through clenched teeth.

"Lee stopped phasing, but I can be there, what's wrong?"

"I'm having the baby," I said flatly and Ethan who was sitting on the edge of the couch rushed forward rubbing against my belly as if he could somehow verify that statement.

"Shit! We'll be right over," Sue screamed hanging up the phone.

"Okay, boys," I said trying to smile as a contraction much closer and stronger than the last rocked me forward. These contractions were worse than any of the ones I experienced with them. I grabbed the side of the door and smiled down at them through gritted teeth. They were frozen in uncertainty.

"Our sister's coming?" Ethan screamed.

"Yes, yes she is. Ethan, can you get the overnight bags I packed for you?" He nodded running to the hallway closet. He came back out with both of their little backpacks helping Taylor put on his before securing his own. He then ran back to the closet for mine which was too large and heavy for him to carry though he put in a good effort.

"I got it Big Boy, th-thank you," I stammered, a slow pooling of hot liquid started to drip down my leg as I spoke, but I didn't look down hoping they wouldn't notice. My water broke. The first two times I gave birth that did not happen on its own, but I stayed calm until Sue and Leah got to the door. I stayed calm that is until Ethan screamed. It was blood.

Jared was anything but pleased when I called to tell him about our third child. I really thought he would be pumped because he thought so highly of our "little men," whom he called Emperor Ethan and Sultan Taylor.

His first concern was the space: "Where are we going to fit another one, Kim? We can't have them living on top of each other, they get bigger!"

His second most vocal anxiety was our cash flow situation: "Our bank accounts are in the double digits! We don't have insurance! We're still paying the hospital bills for Taylor! If it's a girl, we won't have any clothes for her!"

That phone conversation set the course of my entire pregnancy. I couldn't even look at Jared in his half-assed joy, for the entire nine months. He tried to be happy for my sake, but I saw the horror in his eyes, coming home exceedingly more ragged and worn down. He was taking more hours and days at work to save up some extra cash, and he was miserable—so miserable that it became a problem for the pack. Sam eventually had to replace him in the position of Beta with Embry, the oldest unmarried wolf.

"Leah, drive Kim to the hospital now! I called Doctor Sandeep. I'm getting the boys to Emily's and we're going to get Jared, just get there quick, okay? And don't worry honey, this happens I've seen it happen plenty of times—you and that baby are going to be fine," Sue said reassuringly placing a towel on the seat of the van before helping me inside. I didn't care how long she had been a nurse and what she had seen, I was bleeding and I could only see the worst outcomes.

"Lee, I'm scared," I cried, gripping the corner of her seat next to the head rest.

"Kim, you have done this twice already, you're a strong bitch. You'll be fine," Leah assured me, taking wild turns.

"Fuck! I BLED THROUGH THE TOWEL, Leah! Something's wrong!" I howled, big fat tears rolling down my face.

"We're here, come on, we're here," she said lifting me bridal style out the back seat and rushing through the emergency room doors. She might not be phasing but she was still hella strong.

Besides Jared not being happy about it, this time around we would have no outside help. Jared's mother and father moved to Seattle together just months before, when he took an offer to head a department in an accounting firm. They continued to send us money, but Cindy was my lifeline when it came to babysitting.

To top it all off, Matty, the most supportive of my support system, was gone by the middle of my first trimester; my baby bro was finally in college. He left for the University of San Diego in the early weeks of August, where he would be a freshman studying Marine Biology and Biological Oceanography. When he bailed, finally getting off of the rez for good like he dreamed, I tried to stay positive, but I was devastated. The wolf girls were not much help this time around either.

There were two more girls to turn to now with Seth's girlfriend, Jessie and Collin's imprint Helen but we all had full-time jobs and active lives. Emily's boy, Mark, the younger of the twins, were a handful. And Rachel, who had been my best friend for years was pretty much avoiding me when I announced my pregnancy. She had been trying to have another baby for a while; she wanted another little girl to play with her Trisha, but it wasn't happening and when I got pregnant it was basically a slap in her face. Instead of supporting me, she treated me like I was a greedy kid taking all the candy before she could get to it.

The birthing room was almost forgone for the operating room but when Amber started to crown it was too late. It was too late for an epidura ltoo because the bleeding was caused by my rapid dilation, meaning unless Jared got here in the next ten minutes Leah would be my birthing partner.

"I can't do this, Kim," Leah whined, I squeezed her hand even tighter but she didn't flinch.

"Leah, if you leave because of some fucking blood I'm going to kill you when I get out of here," I threatened but I was scared too.

"It's not the blood, Kim, I don't think I can be here while you have a baby, it's just too much for me," she said hopping a little as she looked at the clock.

"Lee, we all came into the world this way," I reasoned as she patted sweat off my forehead with a paper towel, still staring at the clock.

"We're coming to do the episiotomy now, Mrs. Cameron. You have a bit of tearing but it should be fine," Dr. Vinisha Sandeep said calmly from her position near my stirrups.

"Episiotomy?" Leah said turning a tad green when Dr. Sandeep returned with a pair of medical scissors.

"Yes, it's a cut…you can watch, I'm not—I mean, it's natural if you want to see I'm fine with it," I said as she passed me a cup of chipped ice. She had stayed safely at my head the entire time making sure she was nowhere near the battle zone.

"I can't—I can't have children," she said sadly as the lighting in the room changed, a warming lamp above my head springing to life.

"Leah, you don't know that yet. You're still young," I tried to be comforting but the pain was clouding my counseling abilities. "Right now you've got to be with me, okay? Because I am a mommy and I need you."

It wasn't that Jared was being mean to me, I can't think of a point in our relationship where he was mean to me, and I don't think he could if he tried but it burned, every time he looked at me and his eyes didn't glow with the joy it had with Ethan and Taylor. Was it possible he wouldn't love our little girl as much as our "little men?"

Above all else, her birth, though it only lasted a few hours by comparison, was the most complicated and dangerous one yet, for me at least. I never in my wildest dreams imagined he wouldn't be there for it. I never thought I would share the joy of my little girl with Leah of all people, but she was wonderful and so was my girl. My Amber Lee Cameron, 7 pounds and 5 ounces, the most beautiful baby girl I ever set my eyes on.

It started with grilled cheese sandwiches, a normal night with my boys and ended with a big hug from Leah.

"She's so beautiful," Leah cooed cradling her gently in her arms. They looked good together and all but I wanted to hold her again so bad my weak arms started to shake.

"Can I—"

"Yeah, of course, sorry," Leah said rushing back to place Amber in my arms. She was sleeping, her little eyelashes were long and thick, solid black like her tufts of hair.

"Thank you, Leah. I—" I didn't get to finish, Jared burst through the door just as the nurses came back to collect her. It was hospital procedure, new parents only got to enjoy the babies for a few minutes before they were taken away for an exam, and a good clean up.

"I ran here," he said stupidly, his eyes battling between me and Amber who was wrapped snugly in a light pink blanket.

"I don't want to see you right now," I said squeezing the hand Leah offered me.

"But I—I was on patrol, I did-didn't—she's beautiful," he sighed, the same dazed smile of joy that painted his face with Ethan and Taylor.

"Yeah," I yawned, lifting my head while Leah went to fluff my pillow. I had been moved to a general recovery room just a few moments ago. It wasn't private in the least, four beds all filled with patients, one of which was a teen boy who was watching my interaction with Leah intently, as if he thought we might make out soon. "I can't believe you Jared, I just—just go," I sighed, exhaustion taking over.

"Kim, baby, I'm sorry I didn't mean to—"

"The hell you didn't! You didn't want this baby and everyone knows it," I started in a scream and ended with a strong whisper too drained to keep it up.

"I ran all the way here," he said lamely but I didn't listen, nuzzling my head into the cool pillow while Leah's warm hands rubbed hot circles on my back.

I named Amber on my own this time. Jared looked through the books with me and made suggestions but he didn't pick favorites, just vetoing choices like Lana because it was Anal spelled backwards, and Caroline because he thought it sounded too country. The name Amber came from her energy, after the bright shining aura of passion I felt since the second trimester, she was like fire.

Her middle name was Lee. I originally thought it would be Lynn, but having Leah by my side during her birth was something I would never forget. When I tried to put Leah down on the paperwork Leah opposed, she said she didn't want to curse the poor girl at birth, so I used Lee a name we considered when Taylor was still just a bump under my oversized shirts. Amber Lee Cameron, Leah didn't oppose, and although she didn't say anything, I saw her quietly wipe away tears when she thought I wasn't looking.

When I came to, the light from the windows near my bed told me it was not yet morning, the faint glow of day slowly rising.

"You can't imagine how hard this has been for me, Kim. I'm sorry, you have to know that," Jared opened, whispering from his seat next to my bed, he had Amber cradled lovingly in his arms.

"For you? For you, Jared? I had this baby all on my own, I never thought—I never thought when I married you that you could disappoint me so badly. I was so alone, no Cindy, no Matty, no Rachel—but I could have dealt with that if I had you. You just checked out," I sighed motioning for him to bring her to me. He looked hesitant, kissing her forehead twice before he placed her in my waiting arms.

"I'm a disappointment," he agreed sitting back at the padded blue seat.

"Yeah," I agreed, then when I saw the dark pain in his eyes I pulled back. "Is it because she's a girl? You don't love her as much because she's a girl? Like a wolf thing, you want to make more boys and everything else is just spare?"

"What? No, Kim! I love her, of course I love her, she's so beautiful," he gushed two large tears falling from his eyes.

"Then why, Jared? I waited and waited for you to get excited about it and you just—you abandoned me," I was crying, but I kept my voice level trying to keep my Amber from waking.

"I just—Kim, I'm such a bad father, I'm supposed to be providing for you and I've failed. I couldn't make enough money to keep us going before, and now we've got this beautiful little girl and—they're gunna hate me, Kim. When they're like 13, and they want game systems and whatever shit 13-year olds are going to want, when they're teenagers and I can't buy them for them. I—I don't want to be like my father and work all day. I want to be with them as much as I can, I love them so much, Kim," he cried leaning forward and placing his forehead hot against my hip.

"Jared, we'll be fine, come here," I urged, pulling his hand and until he was perched on the edge of my bed. We watched our little girl stir in her sleep.

"They'll love you just as much as I do, promise," I whispered kissing him softly on the lips. We hadn't kissed like this or at all for months.

"I'm sorry."

"I missed you," I whispered, kissing him again, it was the softest most reassuring gesture.

"I'm so sorry," he repeated staring me straight in the eyes so that I was locked in his orbit.

"It's okay, just…don't ever do that again, don't push me away—we need you," I said kissing him again, I missed it so much. He gently massaged my waist and when I tentatively slipped my tongue past my lips and against his, he moaned gripping me tightly.

"There's no way we're going to make the six week period, are we?" He asked rubbing his hand up and down my now considerably less bulbous belly.

"No, probably not," I whispered into his lips as he pulled me closer. We cuddled as a family until I feel asleep. By afternoon the whole pack came over, including Leah, who stood as close to Solace as she would dare. Rachel brought Trisha, Ethan and Taylor with her, she'd kept them for the night, Taylor snuggled in her bed too scared to sleep alone.

"Congratulations," Rachel whispered with watery eyes. She kissed Amber's little hands before ushering the boys up to greet her. It was if all the months of tension had melted.

"She looks like you Efin," Trisha cried, climbing her father to get a better look. "She's so pwetty!"

"She's beautiful," Rachel and Ethan harmonized and Taylor agreed begging Jared to bring him closer so he could touch her.

"She looks like mommy," Taylor said evaluating her curiously.

"Yes she does," Jared's smile filled the room and she woke fidgeting a little under the scrutiny, all eyes on my star.