Author's Note: If the joke title of the chapter didn't make sense, this chapters waaay too angsty

TW: Vomiting, and I guess description of wounds. If you don't wanna read it just read the second and fourth sections of the chapter, the first and third are the gross ones, although the third section is definitely the worst.

Severus snuck back into the hospital wing later that night, with a mission to accomplish and curiosities to be piqued. Potter was sleeping on one of the beds near the front of the wing, and on the other side of the room there was a curtain drawn where a quiet crying could be heard from the rather pathetic Gilderoy Lockhart.

Poppy's office was unlocked now that the crowds had dispersed, and he knocked quietly before opening the door. Her emergency operation was seemingly at a close, and she was using magic to sew the skin on the base of his neck back together. There was a large misshapen bone sitting on the side of the bed, looking like a collarbone on steroids, and the heavy metal arm was splayed out at the foot of the bed. Alphonse was sleeping on the small couch on the side wall of the room, although he didn't look particularly peaceful. He closed the door behind him, and the silencing spells took affect once more.

Poppy looked frustrated despite the procedure being done, and took a minute to look up at him.

"Were you able to fix the… contraption?" He asked.

"A few of the supports had been pushed through and had to be reattached and stabilized… If he'd gotten here a moment later it might've pushed through the port for the nerve endings… I'm not sure this is a good sign or a bad sign…" She held up the mutated bone. "It didn't start growing where the bone ended, it started growing off the side of it… I'm not sure if that proves growing back the arm wouldn't work or if Lockhart's spellwork was just that poor."

"It doesn't help that it was already inflamed from the weather… honestly he should've stayed inside," she tutted. "No use now… we won't know any after effects until he wakes up and Alphonse can help me reattach that… thing."

Severus picked up the metal arm, somewhat surprised by the weight. It was extremely intricate, he could tell even through the outer plates. The fact that someone managed to connect nerves through the contraption was somewhat disturbing, especially since it looked so much like muggle tech.

"Should it be this heavy?"

"No… but there's nothing I can do to fix that… It's probably stunted his growth…" she whispered quietly.

Severus frowned, "there are potions for that Poppy, you could've asked."

"I don't think I could make him take them… despite his complaints he doesn't like admitting there's anything wrong," she sighed. "What were you doing up here anyway Severus?"

"Ah right, Dumbledore and Minerva are coming up now… I'm afraid there's been another petrification," she gasped.

"What is it now?"

"A young Gryffindor first year… the one with the camera," Severus explained as they heard the doors to the wing open. They quickly left the office as the boy was being laid out on the bed, camera wedged tightly in the boy's hands.

"I found him on the stairs," Minerva explained. "I'm not sure which of the three he was waiting for but the result unfortunately…"

Dumbledore leaned over, carefully but forcefully pulling the camera out of the boys grip. When he tried to get a look at the film however, the camera burst open with a stream of smoke, and the film had been destroyed.

"Completely melted, what could've done this?" Poppy sighed sadly to herself.

"What does it mean?" Minerva pressed.

"It means… the Chamber of Secrets has truly been opened once more…" Dumbledore announced somberly.

"Who could've done such a thing?"

"Not who, but what," Albus frowned. Poppy grabbed a large fabric blanket, pulling it over the rigid boy. There was no way to close his terrified eyes.

Minerva and Albus eventually left, seemingly to figure out how to tell the students. Lockhart slid open his curtain, glaring at the petrified boy.

"If only the spell hadn't rebounded I might've been able to save that boy," the man said, mourning his ego.

"If only you hadn't cast the spell no one but the boy would be stuck here tonight," Snape clarified dryly. Madam Pomfrey carried Alphonse out from her office couch, putting him on the bed next to Harry, leaving Edward on the more private bed in her office.

"If you cared to know, the operation was successful," she told Lockhart before going to the other door in the wing that lead to her personal quarters. "Good night Severus."

Edward, who had proven alike to him only in stubbornness and a dislike for Lockhart had surprisingly stomped through the breakfast hall the next morning, right arm wrapped up like a mummy, although Severus suspected that the arm was just rolled up bandages since it hardly seemed to be pulling on the wrappings.

"Shouldn't you be resting Edward?" Minerva asked disapprovingly.

"Shouldn't someone competent be teaching Defense against the Dark Arts?" he snarked back tiredly, scooping up a ridiculous amount of food awkwardly with his left arm, clumsily plopping it on his plate. He sighed, "Sorry, I'm just annoyed."

"I don't blame you," she admitted. "No arm?" She whispered.

"Madam Pomfrey wants the muscles to heal a bit more since it's kind of heavy," he shrugged with his left arm. "I can still do alchemy, I just need to draw out the circles instead," he added, grabbing the fork with his left hand.

The twins entered the great hall, spotting Ed at the staff table, running up at a speed that was usually reserved for seekers.

"You lived!" George cheered.

"I told you Lockhart was too lame to kill him," Fred teased.

"Aren't you two aware that this is the staff table?" Severus sneered.

"Aren't you aware that Ed usually doesn't bother sitting here?" Fred sneered back.

"10 points from Gryffindor for mockery of a teacher," he replied.

"Severus, don't you have a better use of your time than antagonizing children?" Minerva asked, and Fred and George both laughed.

"Damn, 10 points to McGonagall," Ed said, and the twins broke back out into laughter before heading back to their own tables. He glared at Ed, who instead seemed to be obliviously shoveling breakfast down at a speed he should've choked on.

Other than the earlier action, the great hall seemed rather somber, especially the first years at Gryffindor table, who had lost someone they saw in class daily.

"Are we doing anything about the students?" Ed asked.

"Try to keep them calm for now, enforce tighter curfews," she suggested. "We're mostly going to have to go by the parent's reactions… I'm sure we'll get complaints… maybe a few students will be pulled…" Ed frowned.

"That's it?"

"We'll of course be trying to figure out who and what's doing this," Minerva countered.

"What if it's one of a kind? Specially bred, or transmuted or something?"

"Transmuted?" Minerva asked, and Edward blanched.

"I've been teaching the kids that alchemy doesn't work on living things, I don't even want them thinking about it really," he admitted, "only bad things come of it… but I have heard of a few chimeras that lived…" Minerva frowned at the implication, "I've checked any book in the library that even mentions the word Alchemy to make sure no one put anything in there. There was one book with medical alchemy I checked out just in case so no one could even try messing with that."

"Alchemy works on the human body?" he asked.

"Medical Alchemy is the only one you can do that won't immediately kill you, even then unless you've had years of training you'll just shorten your lifespan doing it, and it doesn't heal much."

"You sound like you're talking from experience," Severus pressed, and Ed seemed to shrink in on himself. He would've assumed the arm or the leg, but his left hand seemed to be pressing on a spot near his abdomen.

Minerva sighed, "I honestly don't know how you two are alive."

"Luck-toppled the government-" he and Ed answered the same time.

"What did you say Edward?" Minerva asked.

"Luck," Ed grinned. Minerva rolled her eyes. "Well, Alphonse read a bunch of books on magical creatures, I'll ask if he's seen anything that matches," he said, finishing his food, and excusing himself from the table. He walked away, with a very minor limp.

"Still nothing?" Minerva whispered.

"Absolutely nothing," He frowned. Those still aligned with the dark lord knew about the alchemy teacher and his brother from their children who went to Hogwarts, but they didn't know anything about him beforehand. "I hate to admit it… but they might just be, children…"

"How awful," Minerva replied sarcastically. He stabbed his fork into his eggs.

Madam Pomfrey stopped him the next day as he was going to the stairs up the library. The entire castle felt cold and muggy, with rain coming down hard enough that it sounded like pebbles were hitting all of the windows in the castle.

"Are you going upstairs?" She asked.

"Yes, why?"

"Can you bring this up to Edward? The storms made him sick again, and since he's already still recovering from surgery…" she frowned, handing him a flask. "Lockhart's moaning about how much pain he's still in, even though all his bones grew back yesterday morning, and then Minerva caught Edward trying to crawl to his classroom," she rolled her eyes.

"The weather can't be that affecting?" He questioned.

"Most people feel minor aches and pains when a storm hits with old injuries, pressure building up in the fluids on damaged nerves but… Ed's got metal support screwed into his bones, the skin and muscles don't even have room to inflame," she said aggravated, "I don't care how impressive those limbs are, I want to hit whoever invented them over the head with that metal arm," she huffed, and Severus laughed quietly at her angry expression.

"I'll bring it up," he replied.

She huffed, "Thank you Severus, I've got kids coming in left and right with colds…" They heard someone gagging in the wing, "Thank you." And she fled back into the wing. Severus shuddered before heading to the stairs. Edward was one of the only teachers who didn't block off his room with a portrait, although he assumed the boy could just seal their room off with transmutation whenever he wanted. Alphonse's cat was howling outside of their room door.

He knocked on the door, heard no response, and opened the door. Snape was surprised he hadn't smelt the acidic smell before entering the room. Ed was curled up on the floor with a stone bucket, (probably transmuted from the floor), dry heaving loudly in nothing but a tank top and shorts, long hair pulled up in what could best be described as a knot.. His right shoulder, without the bandages was heavily inflamed, some spots even bleeding from where it pressed against the metal. The stitches from just a few days ago, even after the healing had been sped up by magic had ripped open, leaking puss down his neck. The section where his right metal arm attached to his body looked like an infected zit. His leg wasn't nearly as bad, still red and inflamed, but just barely cutting into the skin.

Ed looked up, exhausted, and put on a strange grin, "And what brings you to my neck of the woods Severus?" He joked tiredly. "Finally get tired of skulking in the basement-" he dry heaved again.

"Why aren't you in the hospital ward?" Severus asked, slamming the flask down on Ed's bedside table.

"It wasn't that bad when Poppy last checked on me," Ed shrugged with his only arm. "There aren't any breaks in the alchemy schedule today, Al can't make the trip all the way to lunch on his own so I got the house elves to bring his lunch to him… probably too busy to come check up on me."

"And you didn't think to have one of the house-elves get Madam Pomfrey?" he barked.

Ed squinted, "What do you care, i'm stinking up my own room."

Severus frowned at the response. "That's getting infected, you need to go to Madam Pomfrey now."

"Oh yeah? You gonna make me go?" Ed sneered. Severus responded by grabbing the nearest blanket, tossing it at the boy, and picking him up like a blanket burrito. He wishes the action had been easy, but even without the metal arm, Edward was ridiculously heavy. "I expected you to be more wands on then hands on…" he mumbled from inside the blanket.

"I am not Professor Lockhart," Severus replied, kicking open the thankfully still slightly open door.

"More like Professor Goldilocks," he heard muffled, "This robe is too modest, this robe is too normal, but these golden ones are just right," Edward mocked. Severus stifled a laugh as they got to the stairs, and they luckily got down to the Hospital Wing before the class bell rang.

"Severus, is that Edward?" Poppy frowned.

"His stitches reopened, I believe it is getting infected," he answered. Students were taking up most of the beds, including the curtained off section where Colin Creevey was laid. Several students were looking at them curiously.

"I can't go between my office and the wing all day-"

"Poppy I don't really care if they know," Ed said muffled inside the blanket.

"I- Alright, Severus put him down," Poppy instructed. Snape gratefully put the heavy bundle down on the closest bed. And Poppy unwrapped him from the blanket, and the Ravenclaw boy on his right nearly fell off his bed. "Edward! You should've come to me immediately!"

"Professor Ed? What happened?" The student asked.

"Mister Nelson!" Poppy scolded, quickly running back to her office for materials.

"You ever see those kids sliding down the banister?" Edward asked very seriously, and the boy nodded. "Don't do it." Ed whispered. The boy blanched in terror. "I'm kidding, but it's still dangerous."

"Did Professor Lockhart do… that?"

"No," Edward said, at least half-lying. Thunder pounded nearby, and Edward shrunk in on himself in pain. Poppy quickly rushed out of her office, several flasks, and a bundle of tools in her arms. She shut the curtains around Edward's bed, and quickly got to work. Severus excused himself, and instead ducked into Poppy's office. The room was a mess of pepper-up potions and hall passes, and it seemed she had unconsciously started using Edwards metal arm as a paper weight. Severus busied himself cleaning up, he didn't have another class until right before dinner anyway. He'd just tucked Edwards arm out of sight when he felt an annoying presence enter the room.

"Ah Severus, i thought you were Madam Pomfrey," Lockhart said graciously, entering the room with a very forced limp. "I was just going to push through it but one of my students made me promise to come up here," he said rather 'bravely'. Severus rolled his eyes, "Is she not here?"

"She's currently helping Professor Elric-"

"Ah, I don't blame him for playing up his injury," Lockhart said graciously. He 'limped' out of the office, leaning over to glare under the curtains. "Ah there she is," and confidently whipped open the curtains. Severus admitted he also fainted pretty confidently. None of the students looked all that concerned, and Poppy whipped the curtains shut again.

Unfortunately Lockhart awoke rather quickly, sitting up, "Ah, my knee must've given out," the man laughed, pushing himself up. "I must admit Edwards injuries are a little more… injured than expected. Was that arm always… not there?"

"Yes Gilderoy, you didn't screw up that badly," Severus sneered.

"Ah, well I know the spell to fix that right-" Lockhart declared as he pushed the man out of the hospital wing and slammed the doors shut.

"I don't care if you know how to cure cancer, you do not perform magic on students or teachers, understand?" he warned.

Lockhart nodded warily, "Right, well, better get to my next class," he said, walking off, seemingly forgetting his leg, and walking perfectly fine. Severus scowled before heading to the library, nearly having forgotten his earlier task.

It seems that even if the students in the Medical Wing had kept Edward's secret to themselves, Lockhart himself, couldn't keep his own mouth shut. And so, the great hall fell silent the next morning when Alphonse walked in without his brother.

He quickly limped over to the staff table, head hunched down towards the food. Lockhart at least had the decency to not show up.

"Is Edward still in the Hospital Wing?" Minerva asked.

"Yes, we canceled alchemy classes for today, although the classroom is still open for anyone who wants to study…" He said, picking at his breakfast, "I imagine the Weasley twins will find us to come work on their project though."

"What are they working on anyway?"

"Oh well, fourth and fifth years are working on their own projects. Ed wanted to teach them as much alchemy as they could, but if they weren't going to be using certain types, he didn't want to waste their time. Rather than teaching them through all the basic materials first he's helping them learn different specialties. One of the Slytherin boys in fifth year is learning fabric alchemy since his parents make robes."

"What are the Weasley Twins working on then?"

"Oh, well they're working together with Lee Jordan on basic pyrotechnics," he explained somewhat nervously.

"Pyrotechnics?" Severus questioned.

"Uh… well they're like mini muggle fireworks?"

"You taught the Weasley twins how to make explosives?" Minerva questioned in a low tone.

"No! Brother made all of the materials himself, they're just light shows. He doesn't let them take any of the materials with them, and he only gives them a small amount when supervised. He knows how much material creates how large of an explosion, he's never let them get taller than a foot," he argued.

"How do you know they won't just steal the materials?" Severus questioned.

"Brother sealed them into a cubby in the wall, and he hasn't taught anyone stone alchemy yet. Besides they know how dangerous it is, we make ourselves available as much as we can so the students can check any circle they come up with. A decent amount of our fourth and fifth years come in Wednesday to try things even if they don't have class that day."

"Besides, we know better than anybody what happens when you let alchemy go unsuper-"

"Alphonse!" The twins shouted, strolling up to the staff table.

"Is Ed still in the Medical Wing?" George asked.

"We think we worked out the next circle," Fred added, passing over the notebook.

"It's the smoke one right?" Al asked, taking a look, the twins nodded. "You're missing a circle, but that's it."

The twins looked over the circle, "I don't see it." Fred frowned.

"Oh, in the sugar rune?" George questioned. Al grinned as George quickly drew it in.

"Finally!" They cheered.

"I can have the next set done by lunch if you want to come to the hospital wing," Al added.

"Sweet, wanted to see-" Fred started.

"-Professor Ed anyway," George agreed. They waved and walked away back to Gryffindor table.

"They're doing… homework," Severus questioned.

"Yeah they always do their homework, they like Alchemy a lot," Al mentioned happily.

"The Weasley twins… are gladly doing homework," Minerva agreed with Severus, skeptically drinking her tea. Alphonse looked at them both like they'd grown two heads.