Author's Note: The line things from google docs transfer over to FF and what a blessing that is. Also RIP the people who followed me hoping that I was updating that Doctor Who, Sherlock Crossover cuz I am SPAMMING their emails, oops.
There were rumours about the Elric brothers spreading through Hogwarts like a wildfire. Some said Lockhart cursed off his limbs, some said he'd been attacked by a magical creature and won, some muggleborns were insisting that he'd consumed something called Pop-Rocks and Coca-Cola at the same time and it caused his limbs to blow off.
Luna wondered how no-one had ever noticed before. She was a little more observant that most, no-one else saw the things she did, and it earned her the nickname Loony-Luna. But how anyone missed his off-pattern footsteps, or the way his elbow creaked when he hit his hands on the desk in alchemy was beyond her.
While she was a first year, and they were just finishing up the wood alchemy section in class, Alphonse had been helping her learn fabric alchemy on the side, she had a sneaking suspicion her classmates were stealing her things. It would be nice to be able to make her own clothes just in case. The twins had mentioned that Al was going to help them with Alchemy despite class being canceled, and she took her notebook with her as she went to the Medical Wing.
Hagrid was standing outside of the wing like a large fluffy security guard, denying a bunch of random kids from entering the room.
"And wha' are ya here fo' today Miss Lovegood?" He asked.
"I wanted to ask Alphonse an alchemy question?" She showed off her notebook.
"O'all righ' then," and lightly pushed her inside. Professor Ed was helping the twins in his bed, the right side of his neck heavily bandage and right arm still missing. Alphonse looked up from where he was sitting at his brother's legs, grinning widely.
"Oh, hi Luna," he waved her over, and she pulled up a chair that had been next to the sleeping Hufflepuff girl on the bed next to him, handing over her notes.
Alphonse turned the paper around several times, staring in curiosity. "It's a little… complicated, but it looks right?" he passed it over to his brother.
"It is right, very useful too, lets you do a lot more without risking a rebound," Ed agreed before looking up tiredly, "Wait, first year. Hi Luna," he waved out of focus.
"Looks like that potion finally kicked in," Fred laughed.
"Sorry about that," Ed pinched the bridge of his nose. "Where'd you learn all the…" he flapped his hands.
"Not sure, just feels natural," she shrugged.
Unlike most teachers who would've accused her of cheating, the brothers accepted the answer easily.
Then she was in the hallway, and the bell to get to the next class was ringing. She was holding Alphonse's notes for the next fabric transmutation, and shook her head and got going. Her memory occasionally… glitched, when hanging around the Elric brothers. She didn't mind, she just hoped no-one would ask her about it.
Luna was alone in the library with the exception of Madam Pince, Hermione from Gryffindor, and Alphonse's cat Winry, when the cat suddenly started howling. Madam Pince began to shush the cat, when the ghost appeared. It hadn't come through the walls or floors, and it wasn't one that she'd ever seen before, instead appearing in a dusty wave of smoke.
Hermione nearly threw her book when the ghost fully appeared, and Winry ran off quickly, although she just stared the man in the eyes. He was dressed in old fashioned muggle clothes, with glasses and long hair pulled into a ponytail, immediately focusing on her with sharp eyes.
"Do you know where the boys are?"
"They're in the Medical Wing, three floors down," she answered, and the ghost nodded, floating away.
"Who was that?" Hermione asked
"No idea," she shrugged.
"How'd you know who 'the boys' are then?" Hermione questioned skeptically.
"He looks just like them, Ed and Al that is. He looks more like Ed though," Luna answered, and Hermione looked stricken aback.
"Oh god," Hermione quickly packed up her things and left, running despite Pince's yell to slow down. Luna decided to follow, just stacking her books in her arms and walking, than running after her once out of the library. She was easy to catch since Luna knew the staircases well enough, and she caught her ranting.
"-i'd never really thought about his other family since Alphonse came with him but I'd never of thought- He's been in the hospital wing for days, not to mention the fact everyone's been pestering him about his arm and leg, and now his father might be dead-"
"That was definitely a ghost-"
"We don't know it's his father!" She argued, as they dashed to the library, where Hagrid quickly pulled them to the side as a metal arm went flying through the open doorway. Luna picked up the heavy arm with care, checking the wires to make sure they weren't stripped.
"So this is what it looks like," Luna mumbled, tucking the arm under her own.
"FIVE MONTHS AND THIS IS HOW YOU SHOW UP!?"
"I thought you were dead-"
"YOU ARE DEAD!"
"I guess we didn't make it to warn them," Hermione panted.
"Oh, that's what we were doing," Luna mumbled.
"I don' think they're havin' the best o' family reunions," Hagrid mumbled to himself, and Winry the cat yowled loudly from inside.
"Hagrid do you know why they're fighting?"
"'s no' my place," he insisted.
"EDWARD LEAVE YOUR LEG ON, OR SO HELP ME-" They heard Madam Pomfrey yell from inside.
"I don't think Ed and his father get along," Luna added.
"What gave you that idea," Hermione huffed.
"YOU DUMB OLD BASTARD GET OUT OF HERE!" Edward shouted, and there was a transmutation sound and a white metal chair was tossed through the doorway. The ghost floated out of the room with Winry on his tail, looking annoyed and like he'd very much like to slam the doors on his own, although that was seemingly handled by Madam Pomfrey.
"He's still such an impudent brat," the man complained "I thought he'd gotten over his rebellious phase," he added, before floating off. Hagrid looked annoyed with the ghost while Hermione picked up the metal chair.
Madam Pomfrey re-opened the doors when she remembered that Professor Ed had tossed his limb through the open doorway, and likely through the ghost. She ushered them inside along with Hagrid and the cat.
Edward looked absolutely ruffled, hunched over on his few remaining limbs, fist curled tight in rage as Alphonse tried to calm him down. Winry jumped onto the bed and began vibrating violently in his lap, but it didn't seem to help.
"We finally go to put the arm back on and he floats in," Madam Pomfrey complained to herself, checking over the arm for damage. "Doesn't say hello, doesn't explain what happened or how he died, just started going on a rant about some promised-day nonsense. I would've thrown something too- Alphonse, can I have the wrench you made?"
They watched Madam Pomfrey plug all the wires in before jamming the arm in the port. "Does that feel alright?"
"Feels like usual," Ed shrugged, seemingly tired from arguing. Madam Pomfrey pulled open one of the moveable armor pieces of his arm, attaching the wrench to the bolt that Alphonse pointed out.
"One, two, three-" she quickly yanked the lever, and the arm sprung to life, twitching awkwardly. Edward grunted and air blew from his nose, eyes forced closed, and flesh hand wrapped tightly in the blankets. "Did I do that right or-"
"It's fine, that always happens," Ed grunted through his teeth. Madam Pomfrey looked skeptical, but since his brother didn't argue, she let it go, but Hermione looked upset.
"I'm sorry, we tried to beat him here-"
"It's fine, you wouldn't've known," Al stopped her. Professor Ed had curled onto his left side, flesh hand massaging his metal shoulder against all logic. The cat curled into his stomach like a heating pad.
"Right…" she frowned. 'Sorry I'll-we'll go," Hermione grabbed her hand, pulling her along.
Professor Lockhart was gossiping again as he told his daily stories, because that's all they really were, they weren't being taught anything.
"Now i've fought werewolves before, those are really the only things that could tear off limbs like that-"
"Uhm Professor Lockhart… people have had classes with Professor Ed on full moon nights… " One of the hufflepuff girls argued.
"Well obviously if his limbs were torn off then the bite wouldn't have time to spread," he replied confidently. Naturally the whole class went straight up to Professor Ed's classroom despite class not being over, and asked if it was right. He simply replied with, "God that sounds way more interesting," and then went off trying to wrangle his fourth years back as they howled with laughter. They went back to class whispering to each other, before declaring to Lockhart's bewildered face that his guess was wrong.
Apparently there was no point of making rumors about a teacher when he was only one staircase away. Lockhart didn't seem to get the lesson, and instead rambled on about different theories long enough that Professor Ed and his class had to come downstairs to save her class the time.
Luna thought it was the best defense class that year.
Serious rumors about the Professor ended several days after his arm was reattached, and instead, people would just make something up whenever asked, including the professor himself, who had so far claimed he'd fought a bear and lost, got them stuck up Professors Snape's nose, and that he was secretly a robot and that the flesh parts of his body were the fake parts.
Of course that didn't stop anyone from figuring out about Hogwarts new ghost, who seemed to float into the alchemy classes whenever he felt like it, critiquing Edward's teaching style until someone, usually Ed, although occasionally it was a student who was trying to focus, threw a book at him or yelled at him until he left. (Apparently Hermione had great aim, even if no one could actually hit the ghost). Even if they weren't learning "efficiently" they were having fun, and as the Weasley twins wisely put it, the old ghost 'could go take his own advice and shove it up his spectral ass.'
"If he'd been my dad, I would've taken my brother and screwed off too," Ron Weasley joked in the hallway, on the way out of the alchemy room, with a sucker stuck halfway out his mouth. Hermione slapped him and he nearly choked.
"Ron we don't know the whole story! That might not be it at all," Hermione complained.
"I'm just joking He'mione," he whined, rubbing the back of his head. "But you have to admit the guy seems a bit loony in the head, Ed seems normal in comparison."
"The grey lady really doesn't like him either," Hermione added, "I caught her and Ed ranting to each other about "annoying know-it-all parents," and then she tried to slap his dad the next time she saw him."
"Even the ghosts don't like him!" Ron shouted, arms flailing.
"Why did he show up here though," Hermione complained. "It's not like he'd gone to school here I've asked. And him and Ed don't get along at all.
"I mean, Alphonse seems to like him," Harry added.
"That's because Alphonse only has enough room in his heart to hate one person, and that person is Lockhart," Ron added jokingly. Their path split and the trio went down the stairs and she went up towards the library.
Either because he formed there or because he was just as much of a bookworm as the boys, the ghost could usually be found in the library after he'd been kicked out of whatever space he'd been haunting.
The ghost was in the library, sitting on the floor with a book, quickly swiping his hand over the book, generating just enough wind to flip the page. "What do you want?"
"It's Tuesday, I don't have a class today and Professor Ed has classes until after dinner. I was wondering if you could check one of my circles for wool?"
"I would think Edward would've told you to stay away from me," the man said, still looking when she held the notes out, "he's usually petty like that," he added, missing the irony. He frowned, looking at the circle. "I thought you were one of the younger students?"
"I am."
"Don't lie," the man argued. "Young people like you shouldn't know alchemy like this unless you've done something you weren't supposed to."
"I haven't done anything…" She mumbled, and the spectre floated in a little too close for her liking.
"What kind of alchemy have you done, answer me!" the ghost would've probably grabbed her if it could, and Luna stumbled back slightly.
"Hey!" Ginny shouted, stomping into the library. "Leave Luna alone!"
"QUIET IN THE LIBRARY!"
Ginny grabbed her by the wrist, pulling her away from the silver and gold spectre, stomping angrily. Luckily he didn't follow them out of the room, "Do you want to come to Alchemy with me?"
"Oh I had mine yesterday-"
"I don't think Professor Ed really cares, you wouldn't be skipping anything anyway right?" Ginny added. She seemed a little stressed, and it wasn't like she would be missing anything.
"Sure," Luna agreed, and Ginny relaxed, and the grip on her hand loosened considerably as they went down the stairs. "Are you alright, you've got Wrackspurts floating around."
Ginny looked questioningly before sighing, "I just haven't been sleeping that well… nightmares you know."
"Hmmm… must be something else then," she decided. When they arrived Professor Ed didn't seem to mind, instead starting the class, (it was the same lesson from yesterday but she didn't mind).
"This will be the last unit of the wood alchemy section, and then there'll be a practical exam, if you pass, you get permission to practice wood alchemy without supervision, although I do ask that there be someone, friend, classmate, housemate, there with you just in case something goes wrong."
"The practical will consist of transmuting your desks into something, whatever you like, as long as it is a different kind of wood, and then transmuting the desk back into it's natural pine state, back to the original dimensions. The goal is to be able to do it seamlessly, so that you should be able to fix any mistakes you might make."
"If you don't pass it doesn't mean you won't ever to be able to do it out of class, and you can retake the test at any time. We will all be starting the stone unit next week regardless to whether or not you pass-"
Luna zoned out slightly, waiting for the main lesson to be finished before they switched to practical work. Alphonse came over with his cane, lightly limping. "Your circle looks great!" he cheered.
"Your dad didn't like it… he was wondering how i knew how to make it… he seemed angry."
"Hoenheim doesn't… know anything… I'll talk to him Luna. He's just a paranoid old man."
Hoenheim didn't seem to get the memo, and floated up through the floor. "Edward, what are you teaching these children."
"Alchemy today, but tomorrow I teach Pastry making," he answered sarcastically. Al quickly limped over to his brother, whispering into his ear. They both hissed at the ghost before 'dragging' him out of the classroom.
"How long until Professor Ed figures out how to punch ghosts?" one of the Hufflepuffs joked.
"I'd give it another week," their partner replied.
They all stomped/floated back into the classroom a minute later. The ghost glared at her, but said nothing before floating out through the wall. The class was awkwardly quiet until the bell rang.
All of the heads of houses were going around the next morning at breakfast, checking which students would be staying at Hogwarts over the winter break. There didn't seem to be many people signing up to stay, her father wouldn't let her stay like most parents, happy to have their children out of the castle.
Snape was trying to convince Edward to do something at the staff table based on their expressions, with Professor Ed looking extremely skeptical. The Weasley bunch all signed onto the list at Gryffindor table, and she felt rather sad about leaving Ginny behind, she still seemed to be having those nightmares, the only smiles on her face from when she hastily scribbled in that black diary.
The diary gave off a rather awful air, although she hadn't been able to figure out why. The Weasley's wouldn't have any cursed artifacts, they were a good wizarding family, so she assumed it must be possessed by some creature invisible to the human mind. She planned to ask her father about it when she went home for Christmas.
She headed to class worried about the castle and everyone in it. And then she was in the potions corridor as the bell rang. She quickly tried to adjust, watching the second year Gryffindors and Slytherins pour out of the class, most of them looking like they were recovering from bee stings, all soft and puffy. Hermione Granger was fumbling with something in her robes as the trio took off, seemingly unaffected by the chaos.