Phox: Yay! Chapter Nine brought to you by~ -Ditkata, HidanAndKakuzusGirl, katizo terusei, HaloGebieter, & FanGirlMania-

Hidan: … I am not weakest in taijutsu...

Phox: It's called a taunt, B-A-K-A.

Hidan: SONNAHVAHBITCH!

Phox: And now~ On with warnings:

Yaoi

Language

OOC & OC

MPREG

Read! At! Own! Risk!

Pairing(s) : Kakuzu X Hidan

"WHAT THE FUCK?"

Kakuzu jolted; he knew that voice anywhere, any volume. He turned away from the sparring artists as Zetsu appeared from the opposite room. They exchanged a questioning glance before heading for the third training room. Zetsu, thinking it safer, knocked on the door.

"What?" Phox was the one to answer.

"Is something wrong with Hidan?" Kakuzu replied.

"Uh... no... OW! Bastard!" They heard a grunt then a slam, more sounds of a scuffle then Hidan's voice.

"Something wrong with ME!" He screeched, "More like something fucking wrong with her! She told me I have to buy some fucking -mph!"

"Clothes!" Phox finished, she sounded out of breath.

"... Phox...?"

"We're perfectly fine! Go ahead and return to training. We'll be back soon." She shouted.

"Where are you going?" Zetsu questioned while Kakuzu frowned.

They received no reply.

–

A sudden poof in an alley way revealed two Akatsuki members. A redheaded female restraining a gray-haired male. Phox had immediately teleported them away from the base lest Kakuzu interfere too early. That and she needed to insure Hidan bought the right thing.

"Hidan, I do believe the note informed you not to freak..." Phox grumbled, cautiously removing her hand from his mouth.

"... I'm afraid I really don't fucking understand you right now..." Hidan seethed, dangerously calm.

"You will later... I hope." She laughed nervously, leading him into the market.

Hidan followed behind, quite reluctantly, yet he was dying to find out what Phox was playing at. They arrived at a queer little store and headed towards the back. There they found numerous things; i.e. condoms, lubricant, etc. Phox snatched a box and showed it to Hidan. He merely gave her a look that read, 'You-must-be-joking.'

"I'll save you the humiliation and purchase it with you at least." She sneered, linking their elbows in order to drag him to the register.

"That will be 12.54$. And congratulations." the cashier flashed a smile.

"He's going to kill me. This is a waste of money, Phox." Hidan hissed as she handed over the cash.

"Can we have a paper bag?" She asked, ignoring the immortal.

–

It wasn't long before Phox returned to base without Hidan. He had been sent home with the bag while she was to fetch Kakuzu and send everyone home. Kakuzu's eyes narrowed when she returned alone. Zetsu had already sent the artists home seeing as Kakuzu was too focused on Hidan's whereabouts.

"Hidan's at home; you're free to go." She mumbled, brushing past him to speak with Kisame and Itachi.

He said nothing, already headed for the exit. He arrived back at his base to find Hidan locked in the bathroom. He scowled, assuming he was wasting hot water again. In reality, he was freaking out. He had gone through five tests now and each said the same.

Positive, Positive, Positive, Positive, Positive.

Just the thought made him queasy and he slid to the floor, back against the door. He took deep breaths and tried to think of anything but the box lying inches away. There was no way this was happening. If it was, he had a pretty good idea who to blame. He yelped when a knock was heard at the bathroom door.

"Hidan, I need to take a shower. Open up."

"Shi- In a minute, Kuzu..." Hidan mumbled, snatching the box and discarded tests and throwing them in the brown paper bag. He couldn't tell Kakuzu- there had to be some mistake...

He nearly dropped the bag when the lock clicked open. Kakuzu sure was impatient. The miser eyed the bag suspiciously but his lover was gone before he could ask. He gave a shrug, closing the door. Whatever was going on with Hidan, it couldn't be too serious... hopefully.

Hidan threw the bag away, making sure it was at the bottom, under enough trash to hide it from view. He took a calming breath, hoping he appeared composed before heading for the bedroom. He peeled back the covers and fell asleep the moment his head hit the pillow. Moments later, Kakuzu joined him, smoothing his hair back into place before placing his lips to the pale forehead. He would be sure to confront Hidan soon about wasting water then rejecting sex in the morning.

–

Kakuzu awoke with a start when he noticed something missing from his arms. He sat up and looked around the room for his partner. He stood a minute later when he heard an awful retching coming from their bathroom. He opened the door with caution and found what he was missing hunched over the toilet, gagging with teary eyes. Hidan was not crying but the vomit was a rather vile taste.

"Are you okay, Hidan?" Kakuzu crouched at his lover's side, pulling the grey locks aside.

"What the fuck do you think?" Hidan snapped, pulling back and then proceeding to wipe his mouth with the back of his hand.

He growled, flushing the toilet before Kakuzu looked in the bowl. He had never heard of his immortal throwing up. Getting sick, yes, but throwing up, never. Hidan washed his hands then face before reaching up for his hair gel. There was no doubting his condition now. He sniffled, slicking his hair back. Kakuzu watched in wonder as Hidan continued as though he was perfectly fine.

"What's wrong?" He trapped Hidan in his arms before he could get away.

"Nothing that concerns you, fucker." Hidan spat then thought, "...yet..."

"If you insist..." Kakuzu growled, releasing Hidan.

He brushed past the silently worrying male to return to his paper work and money. Meanwhile, Hidan left the room and snatched his cloak by their lair's entrance. He pulled it on, scowling. It was time he confronted who he suspected to be the cause. He also had to dispose of the evidence before Kakuzu grew suspicious...

Hm... wonder what the hell's gonna happen next...

Aaron: The world is going to end. That's what.

… Okay... Does that mean I won't have to update?

Aaron:... depends on the reviews. Depends on reviews...

Hmph. *returns to writing a new AU* Would anyone care to take my latest poll if you got the time?