In which Alec asks the impossible of Magnus, hits Jace square in the jaw and finally breaks down and ends up making it worse.

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More pain, more angst, and a deep rift between brothers. Tell me what worked well, what you found lacking and what you look forward the most for the following chapters. This story isn't over yet. There will be a bit of comfort in the next chapter, before it all goes to hell once more. Thank you for sticking around!

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Alec didn't stop for anyone. Not even for Clary, who he almost knocked over at the end of the stairwell. He caught her by her upper arms, muttering a semblance of a 'sorry' and an 'I can't be here… ' and was gone before she could even say a single word. When Clary came to Izzy's room, her heart sank. She was no stranger to loss, having experienced enough her life in such a short time. This, however… was different. Tragic. And it went deep. So deep that she felt like an intruder having stepped into a scene where she didn't belong. As if the stress of the fight, the horror of seeing one of their group hurt and the crushing reality of dying wasn't hers to be upset over. Like she was a bystander that was too curious to continue on her way, and couldn't help but watch as people around her suffered a traumatic loss. Again, that part of her - that had been played on by Alec numerous times before, no less - where she felt she didn't belong here, was pushing her to step back. She didn't belong here, not the mundane world, and most certainly not in this family.

Clary remembered when she had met Isabelle and her brothers for the first time, in the middle of Pandemonium surrounded by demons who she couldn't recognise yet, in constant danger and so oblivious, so naive. The women had quickly bonded, much out of curiosity from Izzy's side who was endeared to Clary's mundane mannerisms. And Clary, in turn, had been touched by Izzy's readiness to show her the ins and outs of the shadow world and help her find her place among people, clans, and procedures so foreign to her, they might have been on a different planet or in a parallel universe.

She was about to lose the only person who had come close to being a sister, who in time would have become family… to replace the family she had lost.

She was lingering at the still open door, torn between these conflicting parts of her heart when Magnus stepped towards her. "Where is Alec…?", he asked. Short, to the point. - "I don't know, I just ran into him on my way over here. He … didn't look too good, Magnus."

Magnus could imagine the emotional state Alec must be in. How hard he would take his sister's passing. How much responsibility he would pile on himself until the crushing weight of it all would suffocate him. Just because he thought it was expected of him.

He found him on the roof, cloaked in the shadows, surrounded by his own ghosts. The lights from the city below did little to illuminate the terrace where a single angel statue recalled the celestial heritage of the Shadowhunter race. These incredible beings, a mix between human and angel, made to fight a threat to humankind, made to feel in pureness and immense passion, and yet condemned to not feel at all by law and convention.

The rain had covered every surface in a sheen of humidity, and the air was heavy with moisture. Already the first tell-tale signs of rose and gold were streaking across the sky, announcing the break of the morning to anybody who would still be out at this time of night.

"Ale…"

"Stop."

Magnus was taken aback by the harshness that a single word like this one could hold. He could barely make out Alec's back among the shadows of the furthest ledge, only a shadow against a dark night sky. His shoulders seemed low as if a heavy burden had been dropped on them. A burden Magnus would have gladly accepted for him. A burden he would have liked to explain to him, shift it and make it something else but the weight it was.

"How are you…?" - the warlock eventually asked, his voice soft and low, preparing himself for whatever was boiling up inside of his boyfriend's heart and soul.

"Where were you?"

The question was just as harsh as the warning before. And before Magnus could even answer: "Where were YOU…?"

"Seelie court."

Alec wanted to rage and rail, but the evidence of Magnus' answer was simple and obvious. There was nothing to rage against. He had been out of reach. It was as simple as that.

"I am sorry." - "That's not good enough."

The reply surprised Magnus. Clearly, Alec expected something of Magnus. Had waited for him to dramatically swoop in and saved them all from inevitable loss. And, oh, by the angel, would Magnus have loved to do just that. Achieve the impossible. The unachievable. Just for the love that was standing before him.

The look of surprise deepened when Alec swung around His face was paler than usual. The dark marks of the runes, hard and unforgiving on his skin. The soft sheen of rain in his hair and on his skin, made him look sickly. Unwell.

"Magnus. Please. DO something! Anything! I am begging you…", his voice broke at last, "… it's Izzy." Finally, Magnus dared step closer. Not wanting to touch Alec, for fear of invading what was looking more and more like the emotional break down that had been building up for a while.

"I tried, my love. I tried.", He replied softly. "She is beyond the magic of warlocks, beyond the magic of the angels."

"Then try again!" Magnus shook his head, sympathy painted all over his features.

But before the warlock could answer, the door to the roof terrace swung forcefully open and a tense Jace appeared.

"Well, there you are." His voice held nothing of the usual understanding or caring tone that he held for his brother and parabatai.

"What on earth are you doing up here, Alec?"

Alec closed his eyes, Jace's appearance intensified the already throbbing headache that threatened to split his head apart. "Why are you not in the infirmary?" Jace shook his head, urging Alec for a reply.

"I can't do this, Jace. Not now."

"What the hell, do you mean, you can't do this…?" The younger Shadowhunter's voice became even heavier with anger as he took yet another step towards Alec who remained locked in his silence.

"No, really. You can't do this? You mean, be with her, as she leaves this world? YOU can't do this?" Stepping even closer now, Jace searched Alec's face who could barely stand his look. "So what…? You're letting her die alone? Without you by her side? Without her big brother? Are you bloody serious ?!"

The punch came out of nowhere and even if Jace had anticipated it, it would still have been too late. The force of the hit was a release of many things all at once, channeled into one move, and it hit him square in the jaw. He noticed blood in his mouth and when he lifted his face back up, murder in his eyes.

But Alec wasn't having it. "Do you think this is the moment to decide who's the better brother? Don't you think I would trade places with her in an instant? You were all MY responsibility! It's my fault she is dying. This is not the thing you want to be better at than me, Jace!" Their bond was all but closed, barely any connection between them left. "But everything is a competition for you, isn't it? It's always been like that. Send in Alec before me and I get to do the final save. This isn't your moment of brilliance, because I failed! This is final, you idiot!"

Magnus had been distracted by a stray thought that had caught his mind just before Jace had appeared on the terrace… she's beyond the magic of warlocks or angels… is what he had said to Alec. But, what if there was a way to combine both kinds of magic?

He only paid half attention to the exchange of the parabatais in front of him, until Alec hit Jace without any warning. Alec wasn't a violent person. Not his Alexander. But Jace had found the pain spot and had jumped on it with both feet, just to get Alec to show any kind of reaction. It had been the first time during the whole night. Alec had managed to hold on to all his mental and emotional barriers, had remained detached and in pain.

Jace was hurt, but he was glad to have achieved what he had wished for. Alec's reaction was painful for sure, and his words were hurtful. Worse, they were meant to be hurtful and he could feel the reverberations of his words deeply inside him, echoing through the bond. He didn't attempt to stop it, waiting for Alec to pick up on it.

"I know it's final. And you need to be there.", was his flat reply.

Still, Alec wouldn't allow himself react. He tried to hide the tears that had sprung up into his eyes by turning his back on both his boyfriend and his brother in arms.

"Alec. This is not your fault. I was there. You were injured..!" - "Stop. Please, spare me the usual clave pep talk! Soldiers die in war and all that. Only this time it's my sister. She's MY sister." Alec had turned around again, the tears on his face a mix of anger, pain, and loss. A testimony to the depth of his emotional turmoil.

Jace's mouth fell open and he stepped back away from Alec. Pushed backward by his harsh words. At the same time, speechless by the implication and the depth of the hurt Alec was trying to inflict on their relationship. He couldn't believe that he had gone there. It must have shown, on his face and through their bond, because Alec regretted his words almost immediately, pulling harshly on their bond, in an attempt to turn things around.

"Stop it. The both of you." It was time for Magnus to step in before one of them said something they would regret. Alec exhaled and closed his eyes, the pressure behind his eyes worse by the minute. Everything in him called him to flee, to run and refuse to accept what was a deepening reality. But he knew that neither Jace nor Magnus would let him. He knew they were looking out for him. He would never be able to forgive himself for not being at his sister's deathbed, wishing her farewell as her soul was lifted into the heavens. Remembering how her actions, her talent had saved so many, had served the Shadowhunters and their duty how it had been set out for them, all those many years ago.

"I might have an idea that could give Isabelle a fighting chance." Magnus finally said. "It's a long shot and I don't remember anybody ever attempting anything like it. But… it might be worth a try."

"Then what are we still doing up here…?" asked Jace, threw Alec a pointed look and left through the still open terrace door.

"Jace."

Alec had added another level to his own pain. Like a trapped animal that attacked the people that were trying to free it from its bonds, he lashed out at who came to support him, unable to do otherwise. The parabatai bond was silent.