Me: Hello everyone! Midterms are done and the E boys are back!
Edward: Don't you still have one more on Tuesday that you should be studying for?
Me: Shhhhhhhhh! It's a take home so I can use my notes and text book.
Edward: You should still study….
Me: You sound like my sister…you are such a mother hen.
Edward: I am not! You need to be more responsible!
Me: Speaking about responsibility, or lack there of,…where is Emmett?
Edward: Picketing outside your apartment with Jasper.
Me:…..why?
Edward: Something about unfair employment, how you hire and fire them without a second thought and unfair wages.
Me: You guys don't get paid for this so how can it be unfair wages? I'm a college kid….we have no money!
Edward: I know I know but they decided to go union on you.
Me: And what you're here as a representative?
Edward: No I'm here because Bella told me that we volunteered for this and if I refused to help you she would no longer shield my mind from Emmett.
Me: I always liked that girl. I do not own anything twilight, the characters all belong to the wonderful stephenie meyer. Enjoy the story while I go and deal with twiddle dee and twiddle dum. A little warning in this chapter Leah gives her little sis a talk…..
Chapter 17: Very uncomfortable conversation….
"You better be glad it was me who walked in the door and not my husband with the impressive shot gun. Please tell me you waited until after you put my baby to bed for this little make out session."
Damn it all! Why oh why was God doing this to me? I finally get my alone time and my sister has to walk in. Why? Not to forget to mention that she walked in on us in a compromising position…well at least it was her and not Jake…that would have been really really really bad. After Leah let her presence be known I was off of Edward in a heart beat both our faces redder than a lobster with sunburn (Edward looks so cute with red tinted cheeks!).
"Now boy toy its time for you to go, I need to have a word with my little sis if you don't mind." I glanced up to see if Leah looked pissed or not….she looked amused like she was trying to hold in her laughter.
Edward looked over at me with a look that screamed "Sorry" before kissing my on the forehead. "I will see you tomorrow Bella"
"Okay, text me when you get home so I know you made it safely." Edward gave a small smile before he stood and left, careful to avoid sister dearest. As soon as we heard Edwards car drive off the drive way Leah couldn't hold it in any longer. She broke down into hysterical laughter that left her leaning against the sofa for support.
"Leele that was so not funny!"
"Did you see his face?" She managed to choke out between fits of laughter. "He looked like he was going to piss himself! And you two jumped so high when I started talking, this goes into the record books!"
Before I could say anything Jake walked into the living room and stopped dead in his tracks. "Um…Leah honey, did you have more to drink than I thought you did? What's so funny?"
By now sister dearest was practically rolling on the floor. "Teenagers are the best entertainment in the world!" Jake looked at his wife- to me- back to his wife and I think gave up in utter confusion. "Well….I'm going to check on the kids." I watched as he slowly backed away and left the room.
I figured I would take his lead. "Will you look at the time? I should be heading home, you know that Dad hates it when we are on the road too late at night, so many irresponsible drivers and it is already so long past a respectable bed time." I started getting up from the sofa.
My sister really knows how to sober up fast. "Sit." I sat (she was using that big sister voice again, you know the one that means you do as she says if you want your Barbie doll to make it out alive). "We need to have a talk."
This doesn't seem good. "What kind of talk?"
"The kind of talk that can either come from me or from Mom and Dad, your choice."
"Can I choose neither?" I really don't like where this is going.
"Nope, and don't worry about driving home, Mom and Dad said that you could spend the night so you could drive Seth home with you. Come with me to my office." She pulled herself off the floor and headed to the kitchen. Of course I follow.
"Your kitchen is your office?"
"For the time being yes. Sit and I will make us some tea." Leah handed me a plate or cookies that I took cautiously wondering who made them. Seriously she inherited none of Mama Sue's baking ability. Jacob is the one who bakes in this house. I sit and wait patiently for Leah to heat the water and add the tea bags, nibbling on some of Jake's cookies (they were the peanut butter kind and tasted fabulous). Jake stepped in for a few minutes to tell Leah that he was going to go to bed and I cringed on the inside, it was going to be just Leah and me….no one to save me….
Thankfully I didn't have to watch Jake and Leah make-out for my phone chirped to let me know I had a text message or two. The first was Alice to let me know Emmett didn't suspect a thing, I felt a twinge of guilt at tricking him but alone time is alone time. My second message was Edward telling me he made it home safe and sound. (I worry whenever there is night driving involved, we may live in a small town but there are always unsafe drivers out there.) After checking my phone and sending Edward a reply I notice that it just Leah and I alone in the kitchen…this is going to be interesting I think as I take a sip of my tea.
Leah of course starts the conversation. "Are you being safe?" that came out of nowhere and I ended up spitting hot tea all over the table and myself.
"Being safe about what!"
"You know."
"No I seriously have no idea what you are talking about."
Leah narrowed her eyes, "I'm talking about being safe with that boy toy of yours. I understand that there are moments where the hormones are flowing and you forget everything around. All thoughts go out the window and before you know it you're naked on the beach wondering how to get all the sand off." Okay, WHAT? I do not like where this is going.
"Leah that is really TMI for that last little bit of info, but you have nothing to worry about when it comes to that sort of thing." Leah raised her eyebrow and gave me an annoyed look. "Really Leele, I still have the v-card."
"While that's good to know, it is okay to have sex, it is normal. You just have to be careful and responsible about it." Not what I was expecting to hear.
"Shouldn't you be telling me that it's a bad and evil thing that should wait till my wedding night?"
"Why when I lost it at fifteen, not something I recommend by the way. All I'm saying is that it is a big deal as everyone says but that doesn't mean you should buy a chastity belt."
"I'm not sure Dad or the boys would appreciate this little conversation."
"Why, I'm telling you exactly what Mom told me after she walked in on me and Jake one time my junior year." Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwww. We shared a room back then (shudder) "It is something that you have to be emotionally ready for."
"But we aren't even thinking about that sort of thing-" Leah cut me off.
"He is an eighteen year old boy that is one of the only things he probably thinks about. And that's normal; you just can't let that pressure into something you might not be ready for."
"Can't I worry about that later, you know when it actually comes up?"
"Nope, you have to start preparing for it now. Are you on birth control? It is important to have more than one type of contraceptive because a condom doesn't always work, they break. On a side note make sure he always wears one, the pill isn't always reliable either you might forget a day, take it late or take an antibiotic medicine which cancels it out and you end up with a baby nine to ten months later. Not that I would mind being an Aunty, you and Edward would have really cute babies….so would Emmett and Rosalie…those Cullens must have some damn good genes…"
My sister is very weird and I am so uncomfortable with this conversation, I haven't even thought about sex with Edward….well….okay I thought about it but we haven't even talked about it as a couple yet.
"Leele do I really need to have this conversation this late at night?"
"It's now or never, Isabella. I may never have this chance again to share with you my big sister wisdom young grasshopper." Right, the fact that Big Sister wisdom had the initials BS in front is a coincidence. "And you know that you can always say 'No' at any point and time, the idea that they can't stop is total bullshit. Trust me I have even told that sexy hunk of man upstairs no a few times it's possible, they can just take care of it themselves." Ewwww! I need brain bleach stat!
I could feel my face alternating between tomato red and a pea green. She was quite for a bit so I figured she was done….but nooo.
"And be sure that you carry condoms with you too, can't always trust the guy to have it with him I think I have some extras I can give you just in case but you should see what brand he likes." Right I'm going to go up to him the next time I see him and ask if he prefers Trojan or Crown…..NOT!
I had to end this conversation before my head exploded. "Well look at the time" looked at my watch less wrist, "it is way past my bed time. That you for the helpful advice I plan on using your very helpful information." I got up, kissed my sister goodnight after pouring out the rest of my hardly touched tea and ran up the stairs to sleep in the guest room with Seth. I had a hard time getting to sleep with all the images that were flashing through my brain but some how I managed to. I had the most disturbing dreams I have ever had in my life.
The next morning Leah gave me and Seth a ride back home, it was a silent car ride. I had no idea what to say to Leah after everything she told me last night, I was afraid she would try to share more of her sisterly wisdom.
When we pulled up in front of the house Seth quickly jumped out of the car and ran inside, wanting to watch his morning cartoons. I turned to Leah to thank her for the ride but I found myself being pulled into a hug instead.
"Um…..Leele, I can't breathe!"
"Oh Bells, you are growing up so fast! You have no idea how much it means to me that you came to me to have 'the talk'!" (Well her perception is off, I didn't really go to her she kind of forced all that lovely info on me) "I want you to know that you can come to me for anything." After five or so minutes of being squeezed to near death she let me go saying that we need to have sister chats more often. I figured no harm was really done and I could pretend that last night never happened.
I was so very wrong. So very very wrong.
I met up with Edward and Alice for lunch at the local diner before we were to meet up with everyone else at Jasper's for some video game challenges (mainly Mario games and Little Big Planet) and pizza. We were sitting in the booth just joking around when my phone went off, I had thrown it in my bag when I left the house that I had to dig to find it. As I pulled my phone out a bunch of little foil packages fell out as well. I didn't really notice but Edward did, he picked one up for me only to freeze half way in the sitting position, eyes so wide I thought they were going to pop out his head.
Of course Alice noticed, "Hey Eddie, what's wrong?" There was no response; it was like he was frozen in time, waving my hand in front of his face had no response either. Alice lost patience after five minutes and bent down to pick another package off the floor, her eyes going wide when she had one in her hand. She looked from her brother to me to back at her hand multiple times before asking….
"Bella why do you have condoms in your purse?" I stared at her in confusion for a while but then it hit me like a ton of bricks.
Leah put them in my bag either last night or early this morning. Judging from the look on Alice's face and Edward's frozen form I had a lot of explaining to do….
Me: Sorry this is a bit shorter than normal but this is a segue chapter leading up to the main topic in the next one. I hope I didn't offend anyone with the content of this chapter, if I did I apologize. Sadly the talk that Bella got from Leah was very similar to the talk I got from my own parents…My sister added that if she ever found me doing anything she would shoot me and make me go to confession. Her excuse is that she has done everything and wants to protect me *eye roll*.
TT: Your sister and parents are so weird.
Me: I know, I think I am the only normal one in the family, my brother doesn't count. I would also like to thank the lovely TwiTrek23 for acting as my Beta once again…I should probably make that official on my profile…
TT: You suck at technology
Me: I know but I still attempt to make it work. Until next time wonderful readers. Please review and let me know if you liked of hated anything.