Four days after Itachi and Kisame took Hametsuki back home, Kakuzu and Hidan were becoming restless. Both were having nightmares but of two completely different things. Hidan's were of his children and Kakuzu while the latter's were of financial problems. He had sneaked out one night and scoped the prices at the stores finding just one kid would be a hassle on his paycheck. Of course, when money is involved, Kakuzu is well-known for overreacting.
On the fifth morning, both awoke in a cold sweat. The younger reached out to his side until he found two pulses and then sighed in relief. Kakuzu rolled out of bed after he felt his lover reassure himself and then ran to his safe. Behind him he heard a yawn and his partner headed into the kitchen. He counted all his money and followed after. Hidan was sitting on the couch, cuddling a body pillow which Itachi had given him. He growled; that pillow had easily replaced him but it did allow him to sneak out every night to go bounty hunting.
"What do you want this morning?" Kakuzu asked, heading into the kitchen.
"Liver." He nearly tripped when he heard that.
"Are you sure?" Liver was his favorite while Hidan much so disliked it.
"Of course I'm fucking sure, bastard!" He snapped, entering the kitchen as well, cradling the pillow.
"Alright then." Kakuzu rolled his eyes then pulled his liver from the fridge. He was trying to save it for a night when Hidan would be arranging that baby shower with Deidara and Itachi. "I hope you know I love you."
"No, really?" He replied sarcastically, "I'm just keeping your babies 'cause I have no fucking choice."
"Um... Phox didn't give you a choice, if I recall..." Kakuzu spoke quietly but was heard.
"Fuck you!" He snapped, "You think I don't want these things growing inside me?"
"You've told me time and time again you hate me for putting you in such a situation." He sighed, sitting at the table next to him.
"Bullshit!" He huffed, "I want these kids. Only if you're by my side the whole fucking time though, bastard."
"How long has it been since you've called me by name or pet name?" Kakuzu mused aloud before escaping Hidan's wrath and retrieving the liver.
"Do you think I'm fat?" Hidan pouted once the elder had returned.
"Er... no. What brought this on all of a sudden?" He sighed, setting the plate in front of him.
"Then do you not find me attractive?" He sounded pretty serious now.
"Of course not." He froze; he had not been paying attention, eying Hidan's surprisingly attractive baby bump.
"So you are cheating on me!" He screeched, throwing his spoon at Kakuzu.
"What? No, Hidan, I wasn't- Wait... why the fuck would you think I'm cheating on you?" He cowered behind a chair.
"Shut the fuck up! What's his name, huh? Or is it a fucking bitch?"
"Hidan, stress isn't good for the babies." Kakuzu fretted now for not only his own safety, but his twins and their dad's as well.
"Who gives a fuck! Why would I want some snot nosed bastards with some lying old cheat?" Hidan was crying now. He had never seen the mood swings this bad before.
"Hidan... I'm not cheating, I'm not lying, and I really do find you attractive." He sighed, taking cautious steps over to him.
"Bullshit..." He muttered weakly, sniffling, "Why else would you leave me all alone every fu-fucking night?"
"You... knew about that?" He frowned.
"So you are-"
"No, I'm not cheating on you." He sighed, pulling him into a tight embrace, "I'm just going out for late night bounties."
"Why? Don't we have enough? What about the shitty baby shower?" He said, secretly inhaling Kakuzu's smell.
"You know how paranoid I am with my money, Hidan." He laughed once, rubbing Hidan's back.
"Tch... well no more leaving without telling me." He paused, "After all, that pillow ain't electric. It's fucking freezing in these caves."
"It is?" He pulled away.
"Yeah. Itachi and Kisame are worried 'cause their little bitch keeps getting the sniffles. You haven't given them enough fucking money for extra blankets. They usually have to bring her into their bed in order keep warm. It is the middle of the winter after all." He scowled, "And did you know that Uchiha has stretch marks?"
"... No... I didn't know..." Was all he was able to say in response before his lover dozed off.
–
Two days later the Akatsuki gathered in the Immortal Duo's living room. This excluded Tobi, Zetsu, and Pain but included Kabuto. Kisame had Hametsuki clinging to his neck, both of them waiting at the door, waiting for Kakuzu and Sasori to join them. They would be leaving the ukes alone for this event. After Sasori kissed a now-pregnant Deidara good-bye, they departed.
"I wish Kakuzu would kiss me as much as Sasori kisses you, bitch." Hidan pouted, "And in public." He interrupted Itachi whom was about to contradict him.
"Well, you've seen his face, hm." Deidara rolled his eyes and Hidan growled at the blonde whom stupidly continued, "I wonder if the babies will get them too, un." He ignored Itachi's (miniscule and indifferent) warning to stop, "Or if they'll be afraid of him, hm?"
"Shut the fuck up already!" Hidan snapped, "Don't you think Kakuzu isn't already worrying about that shit?"
"... You're right... sorry, un." He spoke quietly, finally taking the Uchiha's advice as he sent a red glare to the blonde bomber. "So, games, gifts, or refreshments first, un?" He paused, "I just traveled from the desert... hm. Refreshments it is."
Itachi rolled his eyes as Deidara practically skipped into the kitchen. Hidan was eying the gifts placed in the center of living room. Kabuto and Phox were in deep discussion in the corner of the room. After a moment's hesitation, he joined them.
"So that's when the due date is?" Phox mused.
"Yes, would you like for me to set up a place in my room for the children?" He whispered.
"You're giving their kids to him?" Itachi frowned.
"Not permanently. Just until the children have been examined and studied." Phox replied.
"'Studied?'"
"They are supposed to be immortal. My master wants that immortality." Kabuto explained.
"Good luck getting them to agree." Itachi sniffed, turning back as Deidara arrived with a bunch of baby bottles.
"What the fuck, Dei?" Hidan scrutinized the liquid in the bottles.
"Refreshments. You get to keep the bottles for the babies after we drink the juice, yeah." Deidara informed, handing Hidan a bottle with red liquid in it.
"This isn't wine, is it?"
"Of course not, hm."
"Damn..."
–
After the baby shower ended and the semes returned, Hidan and Kakuzu were given a good amount of items for their twins. The artistic duo had provided two wooden cribs and figurines (that may not explode) for the children. Itachi gave them some of Hametsuki's old clothes and she had given them her first book which had ten chapters. Konan had given them diapers she had bought and other such things while Zetsu, after popping in, offered to grow them some baby food. Hidan declined, strangling Kakuzu in order to get him to also decline. Kabuto had simply offered free check ups and babysitting. They canceled on the babysitting, already having one in mind as they glared at Phox.
–
"Kakuzu... Kabuto said the babies should be arriving sometime next month..."
"Is that so?"
"Yeah..."
"Are you worried?"
"Are you?"
"No. They'll be strong. There's no need to worry, right?"
"I can tell you're still worried."
"Hidan, I'm not worried about the babies..."
Kukuku, worrisome Zombie parents... what fun~
Sorry it's been awhile, huh?
I send Thanks to all my reviewers.