"Shikari!"
"Where the fuck are you, bitch?"
Kakuzu and Hidan searched outside their base for their daughter with Moku on their heels, looking for his sister. She had run off while Kakuzu and Hidan were training for the long-awaited deadline. Pain had called the big meeting to take place in one week. The twins were now two years, two months and Shikari was constantly getting into trouble. She already had a scar on her hand for trying to 'help' her dad cut meat for dinner. Moku, on the other hand, was quite lax and stayed out of the torture-chamber-turned-timeout-room. After awhile of searching, they found her poking what looked like a Venus flytrap.
Said flytrap was getting very aggravated, very quickly. He opened up his plant and jumped at her. She squeaked and fell back on her rear. In no time she was crying for her parents and they arrived, glaring at Zetsu. Moku kept his distance from the odd man, hugging his father's Earth-element mask-beast he named Yochi. Hidan knelt by his daughter, patting her back and telling her to "man-up" while Kakuzu approached Zetsu. They went off to one side, leaving Hidan to comfort the kids.
"That was an asshole thing to do." Kakuzu huffed.
"You should put a leash on them. Be glad I found her before Tobi or some stranger. I wouldn't physically harm them like they might." He defended.
"You'd eat them." He scoffed. "So what do you want?"
"... Phox wants to discuss the plans. Bring the twins." Zetsu then blended back into a tree and was gone.
"What did the prick want?" Hidan was holding Shikari on his hip, glaring at where the plant ninja had left.
"Phox has a meeting..." He explained. "We're to bring the twins."
They headed back to their base to change and dress and then went to change the twins. Therein lay the problem.
"No!" Shikari screeched, kicking and biting her father as he tried to get a simple shirt and toddler pants on her. "I don't wanna! Daddy!"
"Damnit!" Kakuzu growled, clenching his fist.
"Kakuzu, calm down, bastard. Let me do it." Hidan grabbed the fist that was aimed at his daughter and aimed a death look at his husband.
"Fine." He growled, shoving the clothes into his hands. "I'll go dress Moku."
"Take a walk if it helps, fucker." Hidan threw over his shoulder before facing his daughter, bound by threads. "Shikari, you have to wear a shirt when you go out."
"You don't!" She protested with a whine.
"That's because I'm a guy. We've been over this, Shika-chan." He sighed, cutting the his partner's threads. "Moku, your father, and I don't have to wear a shirt, but you do. Don't argue."
"Tch." She sniffed, jerking her head in another direction to stick up her nose. "Ha-chan don't have to..."
"... PUT THE JASHIN-DAMNED SHIRT ON BITCH OR I'LL SEND YOU STRAIGHT TO JASHIN!"
–
"Glad you four could finally make it." Phox drawled as Kakuzu and Hidan arrived at her lair, twins on their backs.
"Fuck you." Hidan panted, setting a fully clothed—and unconscious—Shikari next to the other children.
"Shikari was being difficult." Kakuzu explained, setting Moku down as well.
"Unsurprising." Zetsu sneered.
"Oh shut it, fuckin' plant." Hidan snapped. "You go have some mutant plant-seedling-things then see how 'unsurprising' it is."
"Settle down." Phox sighed. "Zetsu, you should be with Tobi. Kabuto has given you what you need. It's up to you to use it." She stared at him. "Well... Shoo." He rolled his eyes but obeyed. "Now, thanks for coming everyone. This is the day we begin to plan... our deaths. How does everyone expect everyone to meet their end? We'll start with listing how Sasori will die. Write it unanimously on the papers provided and pass them to me." Phox began to write on a notepad and tossed some to the others. "Done, hand them in." She held out her hand.
"This is insane." Sasori sighed, arms crossed as his lover passed in the last one.
"Okay. First; 'Caught in an explosion for not taking turns with diaper duty.'" Phox blinked and glanced between the two artists. "Second; 'Suicidal sacrifice.'" All eyes turned to Hidan but he pointed to Kakuzu. "'My partner will kill him for his expensive-ass wood and tool costs.' Oh... you really put down sacrifice, Kakuzu?" The miser merely shrugged and looked away. "Third; 'Fire.' Fourth; 'Termites.'" She looked to Kisame and Itachi. "Fifth; 'Killed by his grandma and a pink-haired bitch from Konoha.'" Phox grinned and everyone gave her blank looks. "I like that one." She set the paper aside. "Who volunteers to go next?"
"Itachi." Everyone piped.
"That's easy. Show of hands for death by brother." Hands shot up, including Itachi's. "Yeah... Deidara. Show of hands for suicide bombing." Again, more hands, including Deidara's hesitant one.
"Do me next!" Kisame grinned.
"Cannibalism." She replied with an odd grin. "Next?"
"What the hell do you mean, 'cannibalism'?" Hidan shouted.
"He'll be eaten by sharks. Suicide. Lame." Itachi drawled.
"Now the tricky ones... our immortal duo..." She smirked. "Write their names next to their demise and hand it in." She waited for them to be turned in and then listed them. "'Hidan; Can't die. Kakuzu; Hidan.'" She looked at Kisame whom was grinning. "'Hidan; Insanity... Or at least Extreme Insanity past his norm. Kakuzu; Heart attack.'" Itachi looked away, smirking. "'Hidan; Torn to pieces and scattered. Poison is also to consider. Kakuzu; Hidan.'" Sasori was smirking at Hidan, a vial in hand. "'Hidan; Kakuzu dies. Kakuzu; Suicidal sacrifice.'" Phox quirked a brow but nothing gave away the person to have written it. "'Hidan; Blown up and buried. Kakuzu; Hidan.'" Hidan scowled and glared at the blond.
"I didn't write that one, hm. I wrote the one before it." Deidara jumped.
"'Kakuzu; Drowns in his money. Hidan; Like I'd tell you fuckers how to kill me. Especially Kakuzu.'" Phox grinned. "Kakuzu, I think yours is most accurate. Considering you put Hidan down as your own death."
"YOU-!" Hidan exclaimed, glaring at the miser, scythe raised.
"Point proven." Kakuzu rolled his eyes.
"Fuck you. No sex for a fucking year." He huffed, sticking his nose in the air like his daughter had done earlier that day.
"I'll be sure to alert you all on when to fake your deaths. Try to prepare on your own. I will offer any help I can give."
"Where do we go when we fake our deaths?"
"What about our kids?"
"Kabuto will hold them for us." Phox answered and was met with a roar of protests. "Orochimaru and Kabuto both know you will kill them if any harm comes to your children. The children won't stay with them alone for long. Once you have died, plans will be discussed further, I promise."
–
"Shikari. Let. Go." Hidan growled as his daughter clung to his leg for dear life.
"NOOO!" She screamed.
"Moku is being difficult too..." Kakuzu grumbled, motioning to his own leg.
"Don't weave, daddy!" Shikari cried as Hidan successfully pried her off.
"Shut the fuck up! It won't take long, damnit." He snapped. "You'll be staying with Kabuto for an hour at most."
"I'll even let Mizu stay with Moku." Kakuzu sighed as his son released him, seemingly happy with the offer to give him his water-element mask.
He let the mask slip out and curl around Moku. Hidan sighed and picked Shikari up, bouncing her slightly until she fell asleep. The immortal duo headed out for the Akatsuki's main meeting place. They stopped along the way to hand the twins over to Kabuto. Hametsuki had already been dropped off and was quick to cheer Shikari up. They reached the meeting place to find all but Sasori and Deidara had arrived.
"Sasori has rarely ever come late before." They heard Pain grumble.
"I apologize for the delay." Sasori's voice sounded, appearing with his hologram. "The brat has come down with a cold. He is unable to leave bed."
"Whatever. Just be sure he is informed of everything we discuss today." Pain did not look happy. "The moment he is better, you two are to capture the one-tailed Shukaku of the sand. He resides in the current Kazekage."
"The Kazekage is a Jinchuuriki? What the hell were they thinking?" Sasori scowled.
"Who knows. Zetsu and Phox have all the information you require." He drawled. "You may go now. As for the rest of you, you will also be assigned your Jinchuurikis. Phox will hand out the files she has at this point. You're dismissed." He vanished then, leaving the Akatsuki alone.
"That was quick."
"Yeah."
–
Sasori sighed, looking to Deidara as he tended to their ill twins. The strawberry blondes were coughing and wheezing since the previous morning. Deidara turned away from them and sighed, his hair out of its usual style. Sasori informed him of their mission and he nodded before heading to the kitchen. A moment later, Zetsu and Phox appeared. Sasori jumped but soon recovered upon seeing the serious expression on Phox's face. She glanced at the twins and explained he would be faking his death first since their twins were the youngest.
"What about Deidara?" He inquired.
"It would look suspicious if you two disappear at the same time. You'll be able to handle the twins on your own until Deidara's time comes." Sasori made to argue but she shook her head. "He will still be able to visit you. Now, what you are going to do is make a copy of your heart box."
"What good will that do? It's not like it will actually work like the first."
"I am aware of this. Just switch the containers when you think you're done putting up a fight."
"I think I understand... I suppose I could try," he glanced at his daughters, "for Aoi and Akane."
"Good... here's some medicine for them, as well."
–
Deidara scowled, trying desperately to ditch his new partner, Tobi. It had been a few weeks after Sasori's 'death' and he had been unable to see his family. Phox had not anticipated Tobi becoming partnered with Deidara and insisted the blond try and keep a low profile. Though the bomber did not know why Phox seemed to worry about this masked idiot, he obeyed her wishes. He had slight suspicions on him as well after being partnered with the supposed idiot that easily made it into their criminal organization.
"Deidara-senpai!" Deidara cringed as his partner called out to him. "Where are we going!"
"We're going after the three-tailed Jinchuuriki, hm." He grumbled.
"Oh! Tobi is tired though. Look, Tobi sees a cave!"
Deidara yelped as the masked man grabbed his hand, dragging him into the cave. He yanked his hand from Tobi's and prepared to yell at him. However Tobi was already curling up on a rock to sleep. Deidara blinked and sighed in relief, finally able to catch a break from the hyperactive moron. He went a little deeper into a cave and stretched. Then, a cold, familiar cable wrapped around his midsection and dragged him into a hidden tunnel. Deidara thrashed and was pulled back onto his feet in a new chamber. There stood Sasori, strawberry blonde twins in his arms.
"Danna! Akane and Aoi!" He cried, embracing his family.
"What took you so long, brat? You know I hate to be kept waiting..." Sasori sighed as Akane was taken from him.
"My new partner has been a pain in the ass, hm." Deidara grunted as his daughter yanked on his hair.
"Your new partner?" Sasori frowned, switching twins.
"Yeah. You remember Tobi, yeah?"
"Are you kidding?" Sasori laughed.
"I swear, he just won't get out of my ass, hm."
"..."
"That sounded weird, un." Deidara chuckled, nuzzling Aoi.
"Has Phox told you when you are going to join us?" He asked quietly.
"Not yet. She doesn't trust Tobi, hm."
"I see... but we already know you're perfectly capable of faking your death." Sasori smiled, leaning up to expose and kiss his forehead.
"I think Kakuzu and Hidan will be joining you before me, hm."
"Yeah. They dropped their twins off with Kabuto and me this morning..."
"How are they, hm?"
"Difficult except Kakuzu's heart creature helps quite a bit but mainly with Moku."
"DEIDARA-SANPAI! WHERE'D YOU GO? TOBI CAN'T FIND YOU!" Deidara sighed and handed Aoi back to Sasori, kissing both his daughters on the forehead before kissing his lover.
"I have to go, yeah. I love you."
"I love you too."
–
"K-K-Kakuzu..."
Hidan felt himself become uneasy under the large dirt pile. He worried about Kakuzu, praying that the plan had not failed. Of course, Kakuzu would not know where that deer-boy had buried him nor that he had been buried. He had not anticipated being separated from his husband before meeting his demise. He held back tears as he thought of their twins being without even one of them, let alone both. He had no idea of how much time had passed, only that he had not been found. He felt panic rise. Above him, deer were gathering, trampling the Earth as they felt a threat approach.
A cloaked figure lurched his way to the bloody clearing, pulling out a paper bomb. The deer tensed then charged. One by one they hit the ground, dead. Soon another cloaked figure arrived with a shovel over his shoulder. Once assuring they were alone, they started hitting the ground, listening. They hears some soft soil and nodded to each other, slamming the shovel down into the ground. They continued to dig until the taller got annoyed, motioning for his companion to go back, pulling out a paper bomb.
"Hopefully Hidan-sama isn't too close to the surface." He grinned, folding a few bombs to look like bugs.
"Assuming he's even there, let alone alive." The smaller scoffed, watching him place the origami paper bombs in a circle.
"Yeah. It's been like three months?" The taller drawled, stepping back before the ground rocked with an explosion.
"Kakuzu-sama seemed eager to wait for a year." His friend giggled.
"Except the kids wanted their mommy." The leader mocked, moving aside soil until he saw a flash of grey. "That and Hidan can't live very long without food."
"A-Ata-?" Hidan struggled to speak, his throat dry.
"Sh. We're here, Hidan-sama." The younger smiled, popping up behind the other.
"Suki!" He coughed. "I-I need someone to put me back together."
"Back together...?" Atari blinked, picking up Hidan's head, "Holy shit! What happened to you?"
"I got blown up and buried." He wheezed. "Where's Kakuzu?"
"Still recovering from the Konoha fight. He's at home, paralyzed." Suki murmured.
"Wh-What? Then who's going to put me back together?" Hidan whimpered.
"I could give it a shot, Hidan-sama." Suki said, pulling out some thread and a needle. "I found it handy learning to sew... being immortal and all..."
–
"Ha-chan, Ha-chan! Lookie!" Shikari tugged on her friend's shorts, waving around a picture. "I drew daddy."
"It's very good." She smiled. "Where is your daddy?"
Shikari frowned and shrugged, holding the picture close. Hametsuki tilted her head then heard some people knock. She quickly ran into the newcomer's arms, nuzzling them affectionately. Kisame was quick to pick her up, going to the living room with Itachi close behind. Once they had settled on the couch, Hametsuki giggled at their attention then clambered off the couch.
"Daddy, father. Where's Shika-chan's daddy?" She inquired.
"Oh..." Her parents exchanged a look. "He's... working. Like your daddy and I."
"Kisame, I told you we weren't going to treat her like a baby." Itachi scolded him halfheartedly.
"But she is a baby, Itachi." Kisame scowled.
"My baby." Itachi grumbled. "My baby doesn't need to be taking after you."
"I'm her father, Itachi!" Kisame whined.
"I am aware..." Itachi smirked, pecking his cheek. "But you're also a buffoon."
"Jerk." Kisame huffed, jumping up when the front door opened again.
"DADDY!" They heard Shikari cry, then scream.
"Hidan's back?" The two Akatsuki members looked to each other and then went to find the roughly sewn male. "What happened to you?"
"Blown up and buried." He replied with a blissful sigh, nuzzling his daughter. "Shh, daddy's home and daddy's just fine sweetie."
He scooped her into her arms and soon Moku came over, begging to be picked up. Though he was weak, he had no objections to carrying his babies again. He was led up the stairs by Atari and into his bedroom. They were at Kakuzu's old home in the hidden Taki caves. On the old bed, Kakuzu was laying, staring at the ceiling and looking as though he wanted the ceiling to end his suffering. Hidan limped over, placing the twins on the bed. Kakuzu's eyes did no shift to the newcomer.
"Still no luck finding him, Atari?"
"Kakuzu, it's me you dumbass."
"Hidan?" His eyes widened slightly and darted to Hidan's face. "Thank Jashin you're alright." He smiled weakly.
"That's my line." He replied, kissing him lovingly. "What are you doing in bed anyways?"
"Daddy... Father can't walk." Shikari sniffled.
Hah! After all this time I leave you this cliffhanger... Tell me... How much do you hate me~?
So yeah. I suppose you'll be wanting explanations and such in the next chapter... (boring.)
Also, finally got a title for this MPreg. I was shocked there were no MadaZet MPregs on here... nor really anywhere for that matter. So you all can guess my next fanfiction idea.