Me: Hello everyone! I have a special treat for you this chapter.

Emmett: I get to walk around without my shirt on?

Me: No.

Emmett: I get to walk around in my swim trunks?

Me: No.

Emmett: Wow, I get to walk in the buff? Didn't know you liked it like that.

Me: No! You don't get to do that either!

Edward: Em, I don't think you are the special treat for this chapter.

Emmett: Well than what is it?

Me: This chapter is in Alice's point of view and it features the meeting between the moms!

Emmett: So I don't get to walk around naked?

Me: No you don't. What is with your need to be naked?

Emmett: The holidays are upon us and I figured it would be a nice gift.

Me: …

Edward: Em, I think you short circuited her brain again.

Emmett: haha, you called her short.

Edward: *sigh* Emily doesn't own anything twilight. The characters all belong to Stephenie Meyer and Emily just uses us on her free time.

Chapter 29: Alice Goes Out To Lunch (APOV)

"I will have the mushroom ravioli; hold the tomato sauce, the goat cheese peppadew peppers, an order of calamari fritti, the eggplant quadratini, the dark chocolate gelato, and a quattro cannoli." I folded my menu and looked up to meet my server's glaring assessment of my disguise. I noticed she had yet to move her little pencil. "Is there a problem?" I looked at her through my sunglasses. Normally I am against wearing them indoors but this was a special case, it would really suck if I got recognized by Esme before the whole shindig even started.

"Um…yes. I had only asked what you would like to drink; I didn't know you were ready to order." Man did this chick seem prissy. Where was Angela when I needed her? The service here really sucked half the time. "Normally people need a few minutes. And don't order half the menu right off the bat." Waitress wearing way too much makeup and needs to touch up her roots says what?

"I will have a chocolate shake and a coke. Do you think you can handle that?" I asked her slowly. I wouldn't usually talk to a server this way, fearing that they would spit in my food, but my family happens to be regular customers at Bella Italia and she has waited on us before. Figures she wouldn't play nice if I didn't have a dick. I twirled a lock of my blond wig and gave her an innocent smile.

"Your drinks will be right out. Are you waiting for another member to join you?" Joanie asked hopefully. I glanced at the other two seats at the table and pointed to the shopping bags that filled them (as if I would make the drive all the way out here and not take advantage of the shopping?). "Does it look like anyone else is joining me?" I made a mental note to fill out the comment cards they leave on the table. The longer she annoyed me the smaller and smaller her tip was getting. Tipping is a privilege for good service, not a right.

As the lovely Joanie huffed and stomped away I decided to review my genius plan. Yesterday, when it became apparent that my siblings and so called besties weren't interested in helping me spy, I tracked Angela down to figure out if she was scheduled to work this afternoon. When she gave me the affirmative I allowed her to become part of Operation Incubator Confrontation Luncheon (OICL for short). I made sure she would be the one to seat Sue, Mom and the thing formally known as Bella and Emmett's birth mother at a pre determined table that I had Angela rig beforehand with a salt shaker that contained a microphone and next to a fake potted plant that held a small video camera, both borrowed from Seth…I hoped it was worth the thirty bucks the kid charged me.

Now that I think about it, this place hasn't really changed in the twenty odd years it has been open. The food is great but the dining area could use a major face lift. Maybe hard wood flooring instead of carpet, add a few dark colored drapes to the windows and get rid of the wall paper…FOCUS ALICE! I mentally yelled as I slapped my face. I am here on a mission.

To spy on the Luncheon.

Naturally to help with my cover I had to order some sustenance and shopping all day sure works up an appetite…wait, what was I doing? Oh, secret spy thing.

I had Seth route the camera and microphone's frequencies to match an app on my iPad so I could hear, watch and record what was being said. He is such a genius; I can see how he and Emmett are related. The big bear may not show he has book smarts but he can pull of any prank with excellent precision. Like the time he managed to glue the intercom button on the PA system in the principal's office. Who knew the principle was getting it on with the secretary during school hours? I mean really, the woman is ten years older than the guy and his wife was the drama teacher. Safe to say i really liked the guy that replaced the old principle.

Movement at the front door to the restaurant caught my attention and saved me from going off to my Lala land. I resisted the urge to flinch and hide under the table as I noticed both Sue and Esme entering the door and speaking to Angela before she lead them to their doom! Bum bum bum! Lol, just kidding, she lead them to the OICL table and handed them their menus, giving me the thumbs up behind her back and in view of the plant-cam.

Phase one was complete.

I listened to Sue and Esme chitchat about random things going on in their lives as I waited for the incubator and my food to arrive. I learned that parents actually do have some semblance of a life outside of their children…who knew the world didn't revolve around us? Boy, did I have to wait a while for both my food and the incubator! Ms. Prissy-pants had finally decided to deliver my food (thirty minutes after I ordered it…her tip is now at four percent, bitch didn't even bring me my drinks as I waited for the food) just as Rene made her grand entrance.

She was loud, pushy, and I swear I saw her whack a person out of her way with her knock off Coach purse, I could tell at a glance considering how many of those bags my sister and I own (mental note: see what Bella did with the bag I got her for Christmas). Sue and Esme stopped talking as soon as Rene pulled out her seat that was across from them and sat, crossing her legs and attempting to show off her way out of season Jessica Simpson heels. I sat back, dug into my gelato and decided to enjoy the show, turning up the volume on my iPad head phones and zooming the plant-cam in.

"Rene." Sue said in greeting. Esme simply nodded her head and kept her mouth shut, never having met the she devil before.

"Esme, She-who-sleeps-with-my-left-over's." the troll sneered.

Sue gave Rene a chilly smile that made my skin crawl. "Considering the fact that you were a rebound girl and I had him first, I would take it that you were after my leftovers." Before Rene could make a comment the server came to the table to take their orders and I cursed Ms. Prissy's big ass as she blocked the plant-cam. Her tip was at three percent. They all ordered a cup of coffee and a piece of cake. I didn't think they planned on actually staying long enough to eat lunch. They waited for their coffees to arrive and for the waitress to leave before continuing the conversation.

Naturally they got their drinks and sweets in a matter of minutes…Joanie is about to face my wrath in about two pint five seconds. They waited for Joanie to walk away before Esme broke the silence. "I, for one, don't give a damn about the past. I want to know why you felt you needed to make demands of my daughter without her parental units present. Causing her extra added stress and demanding to take her unborn child." Anyone looking would see a calm collected woman drinking a cup of coffee with friends. Esme didn't raise her voice. Sometimes when she was this scary calm we would wish she would yell at us and get it over with…nothing is scarier than the calm before the storm.

Rene didn't miss a beat. "She is eighteen; I think that is the legal age to make decisions concerning their future. I was simply giving her a way out. I cannot have children of my own anymore and my husband has expressed his desire for a little brat. Why destroy your daughter's future and her reputation when we could kill two birds with one stone so to speak and give the child to me. I am sure she will do whatever you tell her to as long as she is under your roof."

"My husband and I have given Rosalie all the pamphlets on adoption, abortion and teen pregnancy. As you stated Rene, she is eighteen and is legally allowed to make her own decisions. This is between her and Emmett and as long as she is my daughter I will protect her and support her. That doesn't stop whether she is under my roof or not." Realizing that Esme wasn't going to support her, Rene turned her attention back to Sue.

"What about you? You yourself had a runt when you were about sixteen or seventeen. Don't you remember how hard it was for you? Especially since Charles left you to raise Lilith all on your own. I myself was still in college when I had the unfortunate luck of ending up with child. Couples don't always stay together when they have a child at a young age. Just look at that reality show on MTV."

"Her name is Leah for starters. I had my family to support me after my father sent me away. And if I remember correctly Charlie didn't know about her because he never received any of the letters I sent him to inform him that he had a daughter. Imagine that, considering you were his rebound girl at the time. I'm not surprised Emmett's birthday is almost exactly nine months after the letter I sent to inform Charlie that I was moving back to La Push and asked about what he was up to. I know that this isn't easy and I am willing to help my son and Rose through this." I should have brought a bag of popcorn, this was better than any daytime soap.

"He is not your son!" Rene seethed. "I gave birth to him and his sister, not you! They were my mistakes and I have a right to dictate a part of their lives and save my son from making one of the biggest mistakes of his life!"

"You left them when they were too young to even know who you are!" Sue yelled. Esme put a hand on her arm to try and calm her. In a softer tone Sue continued speaking, none of the chill left her voice and I felt the need to put my coat back on (should have ordered the hot chocolate). "Bella was five months old, five months! Emmett was eighteen months old for havens' sake. You walked away from them for years and you have the balls to try and say you are their mother!" Sue slammed her fist on the table. Mama Bear has woken up and she was out with a vengeance. "It takes more than giving birth to them to claim that title. I was there for their first words, Bella's first steps, first bumps and bruises that I kissed away for the two of them. I held them and rocked them back to sleep when they had nightmares; I held Emmett's hand when he had his appendix taken out. I held Bella's hand through all her trips to the E.R. I have cared and loved them from the first moment I met them and I have never stopped. They are MY children. You are just the selfish whore who doesn't know what she has until it's gone."

"Why couldn't you have stayed away?" Rene stood and towered over Sue. "He never responded to your letters for six years. You should have cut your losses and left it alone. We were happy. He was happy with me!"

"Happy? Happy! You trapped him. You knew he still cared for me and would probably leave you if he knew about Leah. He will do anything for any of his children, including Sam and his other nephews. It was his love for Emmett and little Isabella that even kept him with you when you first fell pregnant. Some people are just too immature to have children, no matter if they are sixteen or pushing close to forty. If you only care for yourself, you shouldn't have a child to begin with."

Esme saw her chance to cut in. "You think we wouldn't take legal action against you for threatening our children? Bella has told us about those three years she lived with you and your flighty neglect. You think we would let you take our unborn grandbaby to treat the same way? You didn't treat the children you already had with an ounce of respect or love, how would you treat an innocent baby who wasn't one hundred percent yours?"

"Doesn't look like you and your friends raised them any better. They are all running around and shacking up with whatever pretty face walks in front of them. I should call child services and alert them to the conditions in which your so called children are being raised." Rene turned to grab her (fake) bag, most likely to get her phone, but Sue stood and caught hold of her arm.

"I will have you know that we have already taken legal action to keep not only my children safe from you but the Cullen children as well. You contact them, you come near our homes and the cops will be on your ass faster than you can say 'what the fuck'. Not to forget that the local child support DCS services have yet to be informed about the fact that your last six child support payments have bounced. How would your new hubby feel if he knew you haven't been married a year yet and have already run him into debt? And that you are as barren as the North Pole?"

"You bitch!" Rene screeched before the echoing sounds of a slap could be heard throughout the restaurant. Esme and Sue did nothing to stop it, and by what I saw on my screen, they had ample time to stop her. Anyone in the restaurant, who wasn't paying attention before, stopped whatever they were doing to see what was going on. I glanced around and saw that the manager was on his way over to their table and thanked God for Angela managing to stall him by dropping a tray full of wine glasses in his path. (I promise to write her recommendation letter for her next job if she gets sacked).

"Did you see that Esme? I was just publicly attacked." Sue's calm voice brought me back to focus on the task at hand. I double checked to make sure this was all being recorded. "I bet you Sue, you hit a sore spot with our dear friend here. How much do you want to bet she already told naïve hubby number two that she was already preggers with her demon spawn?" Esme responded in a tone matching Sue's. Rene whirled on my mother next, giving her a matching slap. Again they made no move to stop it from occurring.

"Did you see that Sue?"

"I sure did Esme."

"I think we are in danger of being assaulted."

"I think we have to defend ourselves before this gets anymore out of hand." I didn't even see Sue raise her right hand. She must have balled it into a fist before slamming it into Rene's stomach. "That's for calling my children mistakes and failures."

"Go Mama Sue! Hit her where it hurts!" In retrospect, I believe jumping to stand on my chair and yelling across the restaurant wasn't one of my brightest ideas.

That's when all hell broke loose…literally.

Rene came up swinging, but I don't think she was prepared to face two women who had been trained by the chief of police in self defense. For every one blow that Rene managed to land, Sue and Esme got in at least five a piece. All Rene really managed to accomplish was a little hair pulling, scratching and biting. Esme at one point had Rene in a choke hold and was yelling at her for threatening her daughter. I had never seen any cat fight like this at school.

AND IT WAS GLORIOUS!

"Come on Mom! Hit her with the chair! Hit her with the chair!" That was when I heard the sirens and saw the flashing lights through the windows. A quick scan of the room told me that Ms. Prissy-pants Joanie called the po-po. Bitch's tip just went down to zero.

As soon as the coppers rushed in the door, Sue and Esme stopped their actions and stepped away from Rene. The crazy incubator must not have seen the men in blue and continued to attempt to attack Sue and Esme. She didn't even stop when the cop in charge yelled "Everybody Freeze". I felt a sense of gratification as I watched her get tackled to the ground and handcuffs slapped on her wrist. The feeling went away when I saw them do the same to Sue and Esme. I jumped down from my chair and ran over to them.

"Where are you taking them?" The cop looked at me like I was an idiot. "I'm taking them in." Was all he would tell me. Rude much?

"Alice!" I went up to Sue. "Could you please call Charlie and have him meet us at the jail house."

"Don't forget to call your father and have him contact the attorney's office. I don't know what you are doing here young lady but we will handle it later." Mom said as she was being place in the patrol car. As frightened as I was for her and Sue I had to admit that this was the coolest thing ever.

I went back to my table, placed the exact amount on the table that my bill was worth, grabbed my stuff and walked to the table Angela had set up for the Luncheon. I didn't want to face the wrath of Seth if I left here without his shiny gadgets. Once that was done I dialed Bella's cell as I walked outside to my car. It didn't ring for long before she answered.

"Hey Devil-Pixie. Has Leah driven Rosalie up a wall yet?"

"Hahaha, funny story. I'm not at Leah's."

I heard a pause. "Alice, where are you?"

"Bella Italia of course. I wanted to see what our moms were going to say to Rene."

Bella took a deep breath and sounded as though she had a head ache forming. "Alice, do you have any idea how mad Carlisle is going to be at you? Who knows what Rene is capable of! Not to mention how upset Esme will be that you went and spied on her."

"Oh trust me, Mom and Sue already know that I am here. And I doubt my parents are going to be upset with me."

"And why is that?"

"Because as the police were dragging the three of them to the cop cars for disturbing the peace to bring them down to the station, Sue saw me in a corner booth and I was told to call someone to come pick them up."

She was silent for a while and I began to worry that Bella had fainted. "Alice…sit tight, I will get Charlie and Sam and we will meet you by the station for details."

"Okidokie! And Bella I was so right! It was a smack down like none I have ever seen before!" I hung up before Bella had a chance to yell at me or try to scold me.

I put my purchases in my trunk and got into my car calmly backing out of my parking space and pulling out of the lot. As I drove toward the station I thought about the soundtrack I would make to go with all the footage I managed to gather.

I think I will call this film "When Mama Bears Attack".

AN: Hello readers! I hope you all have a wonderful holiday season and that you liked this little chapter :) I was originally going to have a shorter version of this at the end of last chapter but I like this version of it better. Let me know what you think :)