COFFEE, TANTRUMS AND SLEEPLESS NIGTHS
Coffee it was what maintained him awake. Maybe he wasn't in his right senses but he needed to be awake. It wasn't like he was going crazy...
...no maybe he was.
He glared at the wall in front of him, his black elegant suit making him part of the shadows, part of the darkness of room. His fingers tapped the arm of his confortable red chair as he was sitting there, thinking and…well…suffering. He sighed as he drank another cup; he was addicted to the bittersweet flavor…just like he was addicted to the bittersweet memories of her. He frowned, narrowed his eyes, clenched his teeth as he threw the cup against the wall fiercely, crashing it.
He hated her.
In his head she tormented him.
He was a fool too.
He stood up and turned at the huge window of his office, his hands inside his pockets turned in fists. The moonlight was beautiful...just like her. To think he let her go like that, hearing her sweet confession and then turning her down, saying he didn't love her…what the hell he was thinking back then. He inhaled deeply, the smell of the coffee still lingering in the air, bringing him back the memories of the peaceful but uncommon days when he was younger and stupid. He realized with years that he had made a mistake choosing the other one...the weak one.
He hit himself in the face...Kyoko isn't weak...remember it's your damn fault.
Tsunayoshi groaned again as he walked to his desk and grabbed another cup and filled it with the dark brown liquid. He should have listened to Reborn and chose Haru. But hell he was blind and enchanted by Kyoko brightness. Maybe he chose her because he thought her brightness was his peace...
…Ok maybe not.
He just was blind with it.
But to hell everything, Kyoko had gone and had cheated on him with an ordinary guy, who had an ordinary house, an ordinary job, an ordinary life. She had known him on one of her shopping trips to the city, trying to free herself from him, from his cold stares and from his cold and full bloody life. Kyoko was kind of strong but not strong enough. He had felt betrayed, miserable. He had never treated her bad, he wasn't a bad lover. All the glory, the money, the power and he couldn't have what he wanted: love, company.
But truth be told, he had seen it coming and he had known it since the affair began. So in the end he just let her go because he realized, he knew, he didn't loved her like before, when they were kids and when she was the center of his whole life.
Even if he had tried to love her, he really had tried, it had been impossible.
Tsunayoshi laughed hard, pity and hate for himself showing in the sound of his own voice. The loneliness was killing him, the guilt was taking the best of him. But he had decided he will bear with it, just because he didn't want to feel like trash again. But it wasn't going well. Most nights he couldn't sleep, he couldn't feel at ease, he killed his emotions with alcohol and some pills but, some nights he just wanted to let it go and coffee was the thing that maintained him awake through the long dark time of the day. And that night, that night was only a tantrum, a night he had chosen to be awake, remembering that sad fact of his life.
It had been a year since the day Kyoko had left and still he couldn't move from that spot.
Regret was coming like a ghost.
And…he knew he needed the brunette more than anything.
He smiled sadly. That day, when Kyoko told him in tears she didn't love him anymore, that she had found the man she wanted, she had never blamed him, never said it was his fault and she had left all her belongings to start a new life with the man she loved. And he, well, he had burn everything. Her things, her clothes, the sheets they shared, their own bed, everything that had been touched by Kyoko. He just wanted to start over. But he couldn't, too bad in those things there was a notebook Kyoko had with Miura Haru new address at France and her phone number...
That was the funny part...
It was like destiny was saying to him that Miura Haru wasn't for him too...and he left it like that. He didn't use his connections and power to search for her, because that sadly "fact" was making him crazy.
And another cup flew against the wall.
...
"Gokudera!" the elegant silver man turned to the voice that was calling him "how is he?"
The green eyed sighed calmly as he lighted a cigarette "he is alright" he exhaled the smoke "the hit wasn't that bad; he managed to protect his body in the final second...but..."
"He could have dodged that easily" Yamamoto finished the right hand man sentence. "He isn't alright Iemitsu san"
"Emotionally that's it"
Gokudera sighed as he crossed his arms. He closed his eyes thinking deeply. How he hated hospitals, gave him an eerie feeling and adding that Tsunayoshi was attacked fiercely was making the sensation worse. The right hand man had killed the man that had attacked the don as Yamamoto went in search for his reinforcements but hell, as the rain guardian had said, the boss could have dodge that easily.
The second in command narrowed his eyes, to think it was her damn fault. If it was up to him, when Kyoko had left he would have pulled Miura Haru forcibly to his side and never let go of her. Why did she left? Gokudera Hayato couldn't understand why her resolve died after one confession and one rejection of her beloved Tsunayoshi. She gave up too soon…
He was kind of disappointed of her.
First time he thinks about it but for the safety of the boss they have to see each other again.
"Oi swords freak! Did you find it?"
"No i didn't...sempai did!"
"Sasagawa?"
The hitman grinned "Yeah i think he is with Tsuna right now"
Gokudera frown deepened as his worries hit him again. Maybe it wasn't a good idea for those two being alone right now. Sasagawa had been very cold with the boss since he discovered Tsuna didn't love Kyoko and in vain had dragged her to the mafia world but maybe he was the best choice. Sasagawa had that kind of personality...extreme. The right hand man smirked, maybe he could bring some common sense to the boss...or maybe he will drown him deeper in his darkness, it was up to them. But if the boxing freak screwed up...well...he wasn't going to stay quiet.
"Iemitsu san don't worry, Tsuna will be ok" Yamamoto smiled as Iemitsu had a worried expression in his face and was asking for details.
Gokudera threw his cigarette and went inside the building, one thing was sure...it wasn't over yet...the Decimo had to realize that.
...
"Sorry Ryohei...I'm really sorry"
Tsunayoshi said as he lay on a hospital bed. Bandages covering his torso as his face looked dark, dead. He even couldn't face the sun guardian, couldn't look him in the eyes.
But said man snorted.
"Oi Sawada stop the pitiful act for god sakes, drinking coffee and alcohol at nights won't solve anything" Tsunayoshi widened his eyes "neither throwing cups to the wall"
That's when he looked at him. Sasagawa Riohey smiled.
"Don't you hate me?"
"Hate you?" He laughed hard "of course not stupid! I'm just extremely angry that's all" he then sighed becoming serious "look Sawada she decided and went bad, for both of you. Everybody makes mistakes, you aren't at fault. Yeah! Maybe you were when you choose her and didn't love her, putting her in huge danger but she was bad as you betraying your bond like that. You now, even if she had found the man she loved and everything, she should have come to you in first place and not when the affair had a year in secret. I'm not saying you are a victim and innocent but man, you had the courage to let her go and that's what it matters, I'm extremely grateful to you"
Tsuna widened his eyes in shock. His handsome face with a priceless expression Riohey couldn't help but laugh at it hard, just when Gokudera, Yamamoto and Iemitsu stopped at the door frame "i know you are suffering but you know Sawada, it wasn't your fault only, you can relax because she didn't blame you for anything. She is happy and she still extremely cares for you"
Tsunayoshi saw how he took a piece of paper from his pocket and handle it to him "and Kyoko wants you to be happy too"
"What's this?"
"Miura Haru address at France and phone number" Ryohei smirked "i had to made a trade with the devil but finally he do me the favor"
"Are you talking about Hibari san?"
"He said "the little animal is an herbivore now...i will bite him to death and see if his common sense wakes up again" Tsunayoshi smiled, Sasawaga smirked "so better hurry up and go before he shows up"
"It's not that simple"
"Oi Sawada! It's not over yet! It's an EXTREME BEGINNING!"
Tsunayoshi widened his eyes in realization and suddenly looked at the two guardians at the door. Yamamoto grinned and Gokudera only smirked.
"Decimo, i will arrange the flight to France right away"
...
And now he was at France, Paris, in a rented black porsche, wearing a fine black suit, a pair of jeans and a white shirt. He was nervous. He was sweating cold. How the hell he could agree with the plan of giving her a surprise? Seeing Haru after a lot of years of misunderstanding, sorrow and regret was something not even the Vongola Boss could tolerate. He only could feel embarrassed and stupid about his little tantrums and self-pity.
Maybe she is married already...but Ryohei had assured him she is in not.
Or had a great boyfriend...but the sun guardian had said she was alone and waiting…
Was she waiting for him?...
Really?
.
.
.
Fuck i want to leave...
"Oh look that guy!" Tsunayoshi turned to the voice finding some girls giggling. "He is hot!" Ok...maybe waiting outside her fashion academy wasn't a good idea either. He sighed as the girls approached him, taking advantage of his silence, taking it as an invitation.
"Hey hottie wanna come and play with us?"
He decided to put his Vongola Boss act and only smiled handsomely "sorry ladies I'm waiting for someone" and if she don't show up now i will go crazy "maybe another time" the girls went in their flirty mode as one of them took his chin and pulled up his face, making the don lock eyes with her "mmm i think you are lying baby, come on it won't harm you"
What the hell was their problem? Are girls at Paris this straight forward?
Tsunayoshi smirked sexily and was about to respond when a voice startled him.
"What are you doing?"
A voice he recognized very well was echoing inside his head and he panicked, he panicked so much he gulped dryly, his mind betraying him as his body was preparing for a quick run away but after years of hard training in hands of his beloved spartan tutor his reaction was perfectly hidden.
"Oh Haru!" said the blonde "look we found a hottie, he will take us on a ride!"
Tsunayoshi laughed hard. He only moved so he was free from the blonde grip on his chin and focused onto Haru, who undoubtedly had recognized him and was blushing madly, trembling and speechless. His eyes pierced her wide chocolate ones and she couldn't found her voice. After all those years, at the age of 25 years old, SawadaTsunayoshi had managed to silence the always hyperactive Miura Haru with just one look and a smirk.
Her face was priceless...and he finally understood he shouldn't be that nervous. It was the same old Haru but this time had a short hair, a great body and a beautiful face. He smiled sweetly at her, passed a hand through his messy hair, trying to concentrate all his courage.
But after seeing her, somehow he felt at easy and full of energy.
"Hello Haru" he smiled at her, leaving the car and going to the copilot seat opening the door of it "i had come to see you, wanna go on a date with me?"
After an eternity, she only nodded still shocked about his presence at France, at Paris, his gorgeous self in front of her. But the don noticed the brightness on her eyes and the tears that had been threatening her to fall. She was happy, he was sure. And somehow he felt stupid for losing all that time feeling so pitiful and angry with his own self, stupid for wasting that precious time in tantrums and alcoholic manners, stupid because he still regretted he didn't choose her first and stupid because he was still nervous and insecure about her feelings, even if his super intuition told him she still loved him with all her might.
And while she sat on the passenger seat, for dismay of the women looking at the scene, he came closer to her beautiful face, his hand touched her silky hair pulling some strands behind her ear. She smiled at him sweetly and kindly but he knew he will have to explain everything, thing he really, really, will be glad to do so. And he knew of course she will put her conditions too, Haru wasn't the type of girl that will return easily to him. But hell he will wait for her.
It was worth of it.
But firsts are firsts.
"By Haru" her blushing face went up and he smirked. He knew he will go crazy if he didn't say it, if he waited one more day to say those words that were killing him all that time he was regretting his life "i love you"
And her mouth opened, her cheeks reddened, her tears fell and she almost fainted.
Yeah Tsunayoshi was stupid and had wasted a lot of time but hell it didn't matter anymore.