Chapter 23

EPOV

I looked over at the woman sleeping in the chair next to my bed. The moonlight from the window illuminated her face and she looked so at peace as she slept. I had not seen her look that peaceful for the last two days. After her revelation about Edgar and the list I felt...used?betrayed?manipulated? None of those seemed to fit, I guess I just felt off about things and true to form the asshole came out and I pushed her away saying I needed time. My thoughts drifted back to two days ago.

"Who Bella? Who is it he wanted for you?" I asked her.

"Edward Cullen." I looked at her as she called my name. "The second name is you." She answered and I remember feeling proud that he thought enough me to trust her to me but almost immediately the doubt set in. Was she only with me because she knew it was what he wanted? She was so loyal to people she cared about and I couldn't shake the thought that she didn't want me for me but instead to fulfill a dying man's last wish of knowing his wife was taken care of, that hurt a lot.

"I barely knew the man Bella, why would he do something like that?"

"He followed your career for years Edward, he always thought very highly of you I know that. He appreciated the fact that you worked your way up the corporate ladder and didn't expect a hand out because of your family name. I really don't know much Edward, as I said I just found the letter a few months ago and with everything that has happened I didn't feel the time is right to..."

"The time was right to what Bella? Tell me you are with me because it is what your dead husband wants?"

"Edward it is not like that and you know it. I love you. So much has been happening and I wanted time to explain things..."

"Explain things. How do you explain this? I remember you saying that you didn't get married for love, so is that what this is? You married the first time for business so what get involved with me to keep a dying man happy? How do you explain that to someone?"

"That is not what I said Edward. What I said was Edgar and I married for a lot of reasons and love was not one of them but I never said I didn't love him when I married him just that love was not the motivating factor behind us marrying. There is a difference between the two statements. Edgar and I loved each other very much, is that what you want to hear?"

"No actually it isn't. I want to hear that you want to be with me for me not because something forced you to."

"Are you listening to yourself Edward? Have they upped your pain medication? This makes no sense. Of course I am with you because I want to be. The letter talked about what he hoped would happen, he would never plan my life out like that. I mean look at how things started out between..."

"That's just it why stick around after the way I treated you if not because you are trying to fulfill some last wish? It doesn't make any sense unless you had ulterior motives."

"If you would just allow me to explain everything in private Edward. There is a letter for you..."

I had completely forgotten that my parents were in the room but it was too late to do anything about that now. "I just need some time to myself Bella to think about things. Please give me that."

I glanced at her and saw the tears falling on her cheeks and it made my heart hurt. "Of course Edward, if that is what you want. I love you Edward that will not change, ever." She squeezed my hand before walking out of my room.

I watched as my father walked over and shut the door. "What the hell are you doing Edward?" My father asked.

"It is a lot to take in, I just need some time." But even to me it sounded like a poor excuse.

"Did you not listen to what the letter said? He wanted her to work with you on the project. If you had stayed an asshole do you really think she would be here now? She has risked so much for you and our family, our company. I don't see how you can treat her this way." He walked out of the room before I could respond.

"Edward, I may not like the danger you have been exposed to since meeting Bella but she does love you. It sounds to me as if she found that letter after the two of you had started dating. Maybe that is what you need to think about? Don't sabotage this because of your insecurities. She loves you Edward and for the right reasons, don't throw away your happiness. Considering how things started out, she forgave you knowing that had you not found out her true identity you never would have given her the time of day. The way you humiliated her and even at the BBQ, the terrible things people said about her. Calling her your whore and that you were using her for business. She has never given you any reason to doubt her sincerity. Do you really think Edgar would have wanted her to endure that for him for what he wanted? Do you think Bella thinks he would expect her to put up with that? She knows he wouldn't want that, he moved them to Chicago to avoid it. Everyone has a limit Edward, she loves you but that may not be enough anymore." Esme said before leaving the room also. Once the room was empty I didn't want to be alone.

I didn't sleep well that night at all. At 2 am I gave in and asked for a sleeping pill. When I woke up in the morning I thought I could smell Bella in the room but she wasn't there. Now that they knew where Jacob was William or one of them would stay in the waiting room and watch who came and went from the floor and my room. She was still having my meals delivered from a local restaurant so I wouldn't have to eat hospital food. I didn't want to be her obligation and I didn't want her pity. I hated when people pitied me.

She came to visit that afternoon and I asked her to please stop doing the extra things. I was fine with the same things the other patients received. It was an awkward, uncomfortable visit and she didn't stay long. After she left I wished she would come back I was being an ass I realized this. I didn't care how we started out I liked where we were. I wanted to marry her and have a family I couldn't imagine my life without her in it. I tried calling her cell phone for hours and it went straight to voicemail. I was muttering to myself when my nurse came in asking if everything was ok.

"I was just trying to call my girlfriend but it keeps going straight to voicemail."

"Oh. The young lady with the dark hair and brown eyes that I have seen in here with you?" The nurse asked.

"Yes Ma'am."

"I wondered if two had a falling out, she normally spends her time in your room but yesterday and today she has spent it on the children's floor, at least during my shift."

"What do you mean?"

"She stays in the hospital and checks over your records several times a day. Anita told me she stayed in your room last night after you took the sleeping pill and made sure to have her wake her up before you woke up."

"She stayed in my room last night?"

"I believe so, at least that is what Anita, your night nurse, told me. We need to get you up and moving around this afternoon. You need to walk the halls for at least 30 minutes just tell me when you start and get back. We'll do the same thing in the morning and I think they are going to release you tomorrow afternoon."

"That's good news I can't wait to get out of here." She chuckled before leaving the room. That afternoon I found my way to the children's floor while out on my walk. I saw Bella reading to several children in what looked to be a playroom and it looked as if she was in her element. I slipped into a day dream of her with our children and I liked what I saw. I made my way back to my room and visited with my parents telling them I would be released the next day in the afternoon. The plan was for us to fly back as soon as I was released. They left for the evening when I refused to discuss anything about Bella.

I came out of my thoughts and looked at Bella. I loved her, the way we met shouldn't matter. It wouldn't be any different than if I had met her through someone that wanted us to get together. Here she is worried about the ways I can be hurt being with her and I can be physically hurt but she has been through so much more emotionally with me and the people I associate with. Why would she stick around and how in God's name can I make this up to her? I was looking for the answer to those questions when I drifted off again.

I woke several hours later to a strawberry scent in my room but there wasn't any sign that Bella had been in here. My nurse came in and reminded me that I needed to take a longer walk after breakfast and as long as everything was ok after that I would be discharged. After breakfast I changed into jeans and a shirt and set off in search of Bella. I wasn't sure what I was going to say but I knew it needed to start with an apology. She wasn't on the children's floor and her phone was still going to voice mail so I wandered around the halls hoping to find her. After 20 minutes I heard her voice softly coming from the chapel and I stopped to listen.

"Good morning Father."

"Good morning Bella. Rumor has it Edward is being released this afternoon."

"That is what I have heard. I offered my jet to his family so he will be able to relax on the flight back." She sounded sad.

"Is everything ok Bella? They say he is on his way to making a full recovery." the priest seemed to be looking for information.

"Thank for your concern but everything is fi..."

"I'm going to stop you right there, you shouldn't lie to a priest Bella." They both chuckled. "I know you have been spending time on the children's floor instead of with Edward."

"I don't think I am welcome there any longer. We had an argument and I stopped in yesterday to talk but he asked me to stop the extra things I was doing for him and it was so awkward I left. I haven't seen him today." I could hear the hurt in her voice.

"Would you like to talk about it? It would be in the strictest confidence. We could make it a confession." Bella laughed.

"I'm not Catholic Father."

"That's ok, I can overlook that for now."

"Well, Edward and I did not get off to the best start. He had several misconceptions about me and I was questioning my late husband's reasons for forcing me to work with him. We managed to work past those problems but I have never been accepted any where easily. Edward is a very eligible bachelor in Seattle and the women didn't like it when we started seeing each other. I am used to being judged and not accepted so I expected it. It is hard for me to talk about this Father." Bella paused and it sounded as if she was trying not to cry.

"Tell me what ever you feel comfortable with Bella. This is meant to be cathartic."

"My family and my late husband's family were what would be considered uber wealthy and very powerful in the business world. Because of that and as an only child I was raised very sheltered and kept out of the limelight. Because of this and because Edgar was almost 20 years older than me I have been met with almost nothing but scorn since I was 18. The people I trust outside of my immediate circle I can count on one hand. Since Edward and I have been dating I have tried to be as honest with him as I can about things. I may have been vague but I have always been honest." The priest whispered something to her but I couldn't make it out.

"Edward has his own issues as well. They mostly center around women in his past using him to either get at his money or his family name. By the time Edward and I started being civil to each other I had completely forgotten about Edgar's possible motives for having me work with him. I am getting off track here. So with Edward's kidnapping it came to light about the fact that Edgar was the one who insisted I work with him in the beginning and now he is doubting my feelings for him because it wasn't me insisting that he be the one I work with."

"So he doubts everything now. Is that it?"

"Yes he doubts the sincerity of my feelings and that hurts. I have shared things with him I never planned on sharing with anyone and I did with him because I didn't want him to every say I tricked him or hadn't mentioned something. I wanted him to have his eyes open about everything. He didn't even let me explain. There are reasons Edgar chose him, very valid reasons but I didn't get the chance to..." She broke down at this point and I felt like an ass. This is why she gave me a choice to go after her or not when she went to Scotland so this wouldn't happen and at the first true test I turned my back on her. Less then 24 hours after telling her I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her I asked her to leave me alone for a while.

"Is it sad to say I'm not really surprised?" Bella whispered.

"I don't understand Bella." The priest said softly.

"Esme and Edward's reactions, is it sad to say I'm not surprised. It is a typical reaction to my unique situation. I don't want to say much but I guess a part of me was waiting for this to happen and now it has. That doesn't make it hurt any less though, especially with Edward I thought he trusted me, at least enough to let me explain in private. I mean how much did he expect me to say in front of his parents?" The priest was stopped from saying anything when a volunteer walked in and handed a note to Bella. She read it quickly then excused herself to make a phone call.

At the time Bella and I had talked I completely forgot my parents were in the room. Of course she would only be so forth coming in front of them. As I walked back to room I thought of all the ways she had helped me and put her trust in me. Could I get her to give me one more chance especially when I was fairly sure I didn't deserve one. Would my family help me or would some of them still be giving Bella the cold shoulder? I didn't have the answers but I needed them and fast. I needed to talk to Bella before returning to Seattle. That's when it hit me. We would be on the plane together for five hours I could talk to her then. Yes my parents would be there but the plane had a bedroom and we could talk in there. I returned to my room and prepared to be discharged.

Several hours later I found myself sitting on her jet with my parents. I was surprised when Joshua and his nurse as well Stephen and Bella's Godfather, Graham, the ex-CIA man walked in an each took seats. Graham shook everyone's hand before opening the conversation.

"Edward we need to decide what to do about Jacob Black and your kidnappers. I'm sorry this can't be put off any longer but I need to know how to handle things once we land."

"Shouldn't we wait for Bella. I thought she would be handling this?" I asked him.

"She has asked me to talk directly with you about this, that it is your decision how to handle this. She has assured me that she will confirm what ever you and your family want to tell the authorities and the press." I wasn't really listening as I noticed the crew was shutting the door and preparing to take off.

I turned to Stephen. "Bella isn't flying back with us today?"

"Mrs. Sinclair is needed in Chicago." Is all he said before going up to the galley.

After discussing things for several hours and looking at all the pros and cons I decided to let the kidnappers stand trial for charges other than mine. They would go to jail longer probably for life and if things didn't work out we could still file kidnapping charges. As much as I wanted to make Jacob pay for orchestrating this entire thing once Graham explained his situation I understood what Bella had been trying to say about him needing therapy. We worked on a deal that kept him in therapy and would revaluate things in a few months depending on his progress.

I hadn't realized I had drifted off until I was jolted awake by our landing. As I looked out the window I was confused this didn't look like Seattle.

"Are we home already Dad?"

"No, we are in Chicago right now. I think we are picking someone up Edward." I looked out the window and there was a man, woman and little boy along with three men that were obviously security waiting by a limo. Stephen walked past me carrying his duffle and I heard voices near the galley, I could have sworn one of them was Bella. I called out to Stephen as Bella came into view on the tarmac.

"She was on the plane the whole flight?" Why didn't she talk to me. I turned to William who was sitting behind me.

"Yes, she was in her office up front. It is my understanding you asked her for time and space. Do not be upset because she is giving you what you wanted." Before I could answer the family stepped on board and the little boy was running to get a seat. He bounced into the one next to Graham and stared at him.

"Are you Mr. G? Cause if you are Miss B said you used to play cops and robbers for real and would tell me stories." The boy leaned in and whispered. "Were you a cop or a robber? Miss B said it was hard to tell sometimes." Graham laughed but started telling the boy stories anyway.

The rest of the flight I listened to the things going on around me. The father worked for Swan Enterprises as a supervisor and his son was in need of a transplant. Bella was paying for everything, the hospital bills the insurance didn't cover, hotel and a driver for them in Seattle so they could concentrate on their son.

As I sat and listened to the boy's parents talking to my own I thought back to the conversation I had listened to this morning between Bella and the priest. She wasn't surprised. She had been expecting something to happen. She could count on one hand the people she really trusted. Because life had taught her early on that when things were hard people turned on you. Had I turned on her? I didn't think so, but she might. I am sure she thought we were long past this stage, I did. If we were passed this then why did I react the way I did. She has never given me a reason to doubt her feelings for me, she loves me I know she does. What was my problem? Where did my insecurity come from?

From the first time I saw the portrait of her and Edgar on their wedding day I knew I had been jealous of the fact that she was his first. Is that where this was coming from? Was I jealous? That didn't sit right with me, it was part of it but not all of it. I remembered the original talk that started all this. I didn't become an asshole until she mentioned the letter from Edgar stating he hoped I was the one to help her move on. That is what made my jealousy and insecurities peak and cause me to remember the first thought that popped into my head. Why would he do that? Did he think I was that inferior to him? That was the rub. Did he pick me because he knew she would never feel for me the way she did for him?

Bella said she felt things with me she had never felt before. Did I believe her? Yes I did, she maybe complicated as hell but she always told the truth. So why did I doubt her? Because he picked me and no one wants to be replaced with a better model. But could he have guessed at what would happen between us? He had been dead for over three years and people change in that amount of time. I had for the worse until Bella.

She has never given me a reason to doubt her but I have given her plenty of reason to doubt me and she never has. These are my issues not hers and I took the easy way out. I blamed her. I pushed her away. Like everyone has and she was not surprised. I. Am. An. Idiot.

BPOV

Walking out of that room was one of the hardest tings I have ever done. I expected to be given a chance to explain. Edgar had left a letter for Edward and I was very certain I knew what it said but I wasn't even given a chance to mention it and I would not beg. I thought we were long passed this stage. Since Scotland I had started to drop my guard and that apparently was a mistake.

I was certain it was a knee jerk reaction caused by his past experience with women. When I walked into his room the next day I was sure I would be given the chance I should have had the day before. Instead he asks me to stop doing the extra things, the things I loved doing for him because I knew he appreciated them and he wanted time and space to think about things. What is there to think about? He loves me, doesn't he?

I gave him what he wanted and went to the maternity floor to look at the babies and put a smile back on my face. Later I sought out Edward's night nurse to find out how he was doing and he was having a rough night. I asked her if I could go in once he was asleep and she agreed to come get me in the waiting room when that happened. I pulled my laptop out and decided to e-mail Edward. He wouldn't get it until he was back in Seattle but if I didn't get the chance to talk to him before leaving there were still things I wanted him to know.

Edward -

I feel you pulling away and I am sure you are questioning my motives. Allow me to be clear. Love motivates me Edward - my love for you.

Yes I insisted on meeting with you in the beginning because of Edgar. But once I decided to not use Seattle my obligation to Edgar was fulfilled. I wouldn't continue with something out of some warped sense of guilt. He wanted me to be happy Edward, if possible even happier than I was with him. He only ever wanted the best for me. He would want to know the man I loved was worthy of it and capable of keeping me happy and safe. He saw those things in you and so do I.

Life as been so busy since the gala and that is the excuse I use to keep from telling you about my life with Edgar. The truth is I didn't think it would make a difference and I couldn't bear it if there was judgment in our eyes. The way it has been in every other person's.

I told you once I see you for who you are, it was as true then as it is now. In the end the answer is simple. I love you Edward, forever.

Isabella

I shut my laptop as the nurse told me she had just given Edward a sleeping pill. I thanked her and ask her to wake me at 5 am if I happened to fall asleep. He did not have a restful night and I watched him all night knowing that although he said his limit was losing me that he may have hit it early and praying he hadn't. I left his room at 5, found an empty room and lay down to sleep for a few hours. In the morning I went to the children's floor hoping to lift my spirits in a way only a child can and it worked.

I called Graham and made arrangements for him to talk to Edward on the flight back. I would confirm whatever they wanted, it was their lives and needed to be handled how they wanted. I received an update on Tyler Bryant, they found a donor. I made arrangements for he and his family in Seattle for the duration of his treatments, the jet would stop in Chicago and pick them up. Hopefully this would put his leukemia into remission. Then I went to the waiting room, pulled out my laptop to e-mail Edward again and wait for his nurse to tell me he was asleep so I could see him. It made me feel like a stalker but I needed to know he was ok.

Edward-

I think you may be questioning Edgar's motives as well as mine. I want to tell you a story.

Five years ago I attended a masked ball in Manhattan. It was an annual ball for people who gave above and beyond for the less fortunate, gave of their money and more importantly their time. I was one of the ten being honored that year as was Esme Cullen. Edgar had traveled to New York with me but because of his illness was unable to attend with me that night.

I went to the ball and sat through dinner and the awards presentation and was bored out of my mind. After the awards people started mingling and dancing. It was then a man approached me asking me to dance, he had the most mesmerizing green eyes I had ever seen. He noticed my wedding rings and immediately apologized asking if he could escort me to my husband. I explained my husband was unable to attend tonight and I would love to dance. He seemed unsure until I assured him that Edgar not attending was very last minute or I would have had another escort anyway and Edgar would be fine with us dancing. I meant it that night Edgar was fine with it, he just wanted me to enjoy the night.

As I danced with the faceless, nameless man I felt very comfortable. He held me securely, in a way only Edgar had until then making me feel safe. I think we danced for hours, laughing, joking and getting acquainted. It wouldn't dawn on me until later we never exchanged names and wore our masks the entire time.

I awoke the next morning still on cloud nine and Edgar commented on it. I hated those types of events even when he was with me so he found it hard to believe and amusing I had enjoyed this one with out him. He pushed to find out what was different about this one that made it so enjoyable for me and I told about the man who rescued me from a night of boredom. He sat patiently and listened to me with a smile as I described how I instantly felt comfortable with this man. How we laughed at the people who thought better of themselves than they should have and how it almost felt as if he was protecting me since my husband wasn't there to do it.

Then he asked for this man's name and I realized I had no idea. He laughed and ask how I could spend hours with someone and learn so much about him and not know his name. When I felt foolish for not having an answer he pulled me to him and told me to describe this mystery man that had captivated my attention. So I described for him the man with the jade green eyes and almost bronze colored hair that I felt an odd connection too. When I was done he kissed me without and ounce of jealousy in it and told me he was glad I had a good time.

After that night is when, every now and then, he would tell me about the career of a man he was following. He thought he had potential and that I would work well with him given the opportunity to do so. After that night is when at odd times he would bring up Edward Cullen, a man I had never met.

I love you -

Isabella

Anita came to get me once Edward was asleep, so I shut down my computer and went to his room. Sitting in that chair I memorized everything about him. I couldn't resist so I sat on his bed for a while and just lightly ran my fingers through his hair. I couldn't help the feeling of dread that would wash over me from time to time. Edward stirred some so I moved back to chair to just watch. I must have fallen asleep because I was shocked when Anita shook me awake at 5. I thanked her and left the room. I knew Edward was being discharged today and to give him the space he wanted I was flying back commercial so he would have the comfort of the jet.

After spending some time with the children I made my way to the chapel. I wasn't a very religious person but I needed to calm myself before leaving the hospital. Once Edward was back in Seattle I didn't know what to expect. I was sitting there for 20 minutes before the priest approached me, offering comfort. As I sat talking to him trying to be honest but vague about most things it dawned on me that on some level I had been expecting this. The only people who accepted me and the way I lived were the ones who had been there before. The ones who at least had some first hand knowledge of why it was this way. Every other person had turned away when things became difficult or they saw how my life really operated. Had I really expected this time to be any different? Yes, I had especially with Edward but still on some level I knew this was a possibility. So why didn't that stop it from hurting so much?

A volunteer came in and gave me a message from Richard Campbell at Swan, a decision had been made on the bid. I was needed in Chicago for the announcement. I quickly thanked the Father and excused myself to rearrange my travel plans. I needed to travel on the jet but I would stay in my office. I made sure I was on the plane and in my office before Edward was even discharged. As I sat in my office looking over things from the last week two things caught my eye. One was the Swan bid and what that announcement would be. I knew they had been working with Emmett since he returned and I wondered how Carlisle and Edward would take the news of what they wanted to do. The other was the FBI was very close to catching Aro. They knew his last shipment was in transit, once it was picked up he would be arrested.

I spent the rest of the flight to Chicago thinking about Edward and the predicament we found ourselves in. I love Edward, I meant what I said in the hospital about wanting to marry him and have a family with him but did he want that? Had I forgiven him too easily in the past? The thing is I understood Edward. I recognized the loneliness and the bitterness of not being accepted for who you are and the judgment. That is why I could forgive him so easily, I had been in his shoes but not for the same reasons. Would he ever fully get past things and trust me with his heart?

It hurt knowing his first inclination was to question things and not trust me to have been honest with him. Being honest is a quality I prize in people, including myself. Not being trusted by the man I loved hurt, painfully. Would he realize that in several situations I trusted him first and gave him the opportunity to explain? I hoped so because as much as it hurt to have him question my love it would devastate me to watch him walk away altogether. Esme's new found distaste for me would have to be considered. Him walking away from me was a real possibility.

I gathered my things as the plane landed. I greeted the Bryant's on the tarmac and told Tyler the information he needed to be sure Graham kept him entertained the entire flight to Seattle. As I slid into the limo I turned to the jet and saw Edward looking at me, the look on his face gave me hope that things would work out. It was a look of longing and love. I was pretty sure Edward and I's lives would always be tied to each other somehow but he needed to decide, again and that pissed me off. I didn't think I would find myself here - again. The question was if he decided the other way this time would I be ok walking away carrying just the pieces of him had I with me and my memories?

As the limo sped towards Swan Manor I realized I wouldn't be ok with how things would have to be in the beginning but I would come to terms with them. I would have to.

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or its characters.

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