A/N: Yes, I know this chapter is late and yes I am a piece of shit.
But I hope you can enjoy this chapter none the less.
Part 3
Dumbledore: Yes, yes. Welcome to another magical year at Hogwarts! And a very special welcome to my favourite student, Mr Harry Potter.
Ron: Woo! Woo!
Dumbledore: He killed Voldemort when he was just a baby. He's even got that lightning scar on his forehead to prove it.
Harry sighed loudly.
And another special welcome to our newest addition to Gryffindor, Mr Ginny, 'scuse me, Miss Ginny Weasley.
"Are you kidding me?" Ginny said highly offended. "I do not look like a boy!"
Malfoy sniggered.
Ginny: Yeah, I'm a girl
"Yeah I am!"
and um, also, aren't we supposed to be sorted by the Sorting Hat?
"I wasn't sorted?" Ginny looked a little disappointed at this.
"That's not right," James stated.
"You don't say," Lily said sarcastically. James tickled her as punishment.
Dumbledore: Well, um, a funny thing happened to the Sorting Hat. He actually got hitched with another piece of enchanted magical clothing.
Sirius snorted loudly. "What?"
So he and the Scarf of Sexual Preference
Laughter filled the room.
aren't going to be back until next year.
"Please tell me that scarf exist," James laughed.
"But what does it do?" Ginny asked.
"Tell you your sexual preference?" Hermione giggled.
Basically I've just been putting anybody who looks like a good guy into Gryffindor, anybody who looks like a bad guy into Slytherin,
"That's so inaccurate!" Lily said.
"I know!" Hermione agreed.
and the other two can just go wherever the hell they want, I don't really care.
Lily sighed and shook her head.
Cedric: Hufflepuffs are particularly good finders!
"Does he ever stop smiling?" asked James.
"Hufflepuffs aren't particularly good finders though, are they?" Ron added uncertainly.
"No, Ronald," Hermione assured him.
Dumbledore: What the hell is a Hufflepuff?
Laughter again. Even Snape chuckled a little.
"That coming from Dumbledore," Remus chuckled.
Anyway, it's time now for me to introduce my very good friend and our own Potions professor, Mr Severus Snape.
Ron: Oh man, not Snape! I hoped they fired that guy.
"I'm not gonna apologise for that one," Ron informed them, ignoring Snape's dark eyes that was glaring at him.
Ginny: Ron what's wrong with Professor Snape?
Ron: Uh, nothing, he's just, uh, evil.
Snape entered the stage and the room exploded with laughter.
"What's he doing with his face?" Ron gasped. His ribs where starting to hurt from laughing so hard.
"This is ridiculous," Snape snarled.
"This is brilliant!" Sirius beamed.
Some time went by until everyone had calmed down a bit.
Harry: Come on Ron, he's really not that bad. I don't know what you're talking about.
Snape: Harry Potter! Detention.
"I was defending you!" Harry said loudly gesturing towards the TV-screen and glaring at Snape who simply glared back.
Harry: What?
Snape: For talking out of turn. Now, before we begin, I'm going to give you all your very, very first pop quiz.
Hermione: Yes!
Some laughed.
"Hermione…" Ron sighed.
"Pop quizzes are a great way to learn things!" Hermione said defensively.
Snape: Can anyone tell me what a Portkey is? Ah yes, Miss Granger?
"Of course," Harry and Ron said at the same time. Hermione blushed.
Hermione: A Portkey is an enchanted object that when touched will transport the one or ones who touch it to anywhere on the globe decided upon by the enchanter.
"What?" Sirius blinked several times.
Snape: Very good… Now, can anyone tell me what foreshadowing is? Yes, Miss Granger?
Hermione: Foreshadowing is a dramatic device in which an important plot point ismentioned earlier in the story to return later in a more significant way.
"Remember when she actually used to talk this fast?" Ron asked Harry with a grin.
Harry laughed, but stopped abruptly when he saw the look Hermione sent him.
Snape: Perfect!
Ron: Wait what's a Portkey again? I missed that one.
Hermione: A Portkey is something that –
Ron: Not you! Oh my god…
Hermione: – when you touch it, it will transport you anywhere.
Snape: And remember a Portkey can be any seemingly harmless object, like a football, or a dolphin.
"A dolphin?" Malfoy raised an eyebrow.
"Not my first choice for a Portkey," Remus stated.
"Can you even use something that's alive as a Portkey?" Ginny asked.
"I doubt it," Hermione shook her head.
Lavender: Professor?
Snape: Yes?
Lavender: Can, like, a person be a Portkey?
"No," Snape said sounding bored.
Snape: No, that's absurd! 'Cause then if that person were to touch themselves (looks at Ron)
"Hey!" Ron said as the others laughed.
they would constantly be transported into different places. A person can, however, be a Horcrux.
Harry: What's, uh, what's a Horcrux?
Snape: I'm not even going to tell you, Harry, you'll find out soon enough.
"So we're finding Horcruxes in this musical," Harry sighed. It wasn't a question.
Hermione: Professor, what is the point of this quiz?
Snape: Oh, no, no, no point in particular, just important information that everyone should know. Especially you! (Pointing at audience) Now, moving right along, there are four houses in all; Gryffindor (Woo! Yeah), Ravenclaw (Oh!), Hufflepuff –
Cedric: Find!
Snape: What?
Some people sniggered.
And Slytherin (Ah! Sss…). Now traditionally – sss – traditionally points are given for good behaviour and deducted for rule breaking. Example: ten points from Gryffindor!
"What?" The Gryffindors in the room looked round at Snape.
"For what?" Sirius exclaimed.
"This is too close to reality," Ron murmured.
Gryffindors: What?
Snape: For Miss Granger's excessive baby fat.
"Hey!" Ginny looked furious as she glared at Snape who looked indifferent at the screen.
Hermione looked hurt. Ron put his arm around her.
Harry and Ron: Thanks, Hermione!
"It's not my fault!" Hermione said loudly. Ron quickly retracted his arm.
"We know, Hermione," Harry assured her. "You know we'd never blame you for something like that."
"Yeah," Ron agreed. "Never."
Hermione looked a little better after that.
Snape: Traditionally the House with the most points at the end of the year would win the House Cup, however this year we're doing things a bit differently.
Harry frowned. This couldn't be good.
Here to introduce it is our new professor of the Dark Arts, Professor Quirrell.
Harry: Ow! Ah, ow!
"Your scar hurts," said Hermione sounding worried. "But that means–"
"Yeah," Harry interrupted her, still frowning.
Then Quirrell entered the stage and he couldn't keep from laughing with the others.
"He definitely have someone on the back of his head," Ron laughed.
"They couldn't have made it a little less obvious?" James asked no one in particular.
Quirrell: The House Cup! A time-honoured tradition. For centuries –
Draco: Go home terrorist!
"Malfoy!" Hermione said aghast.
"Oh come on, I would never say that," said Malfoy.
"To his face," Ron whispered to Harry.
Quirrell: For centuries the four Houses of Hogwarts have competed for the honour and glory of holding the title of House Champion. But where does this competition comefrom and what are the roots of the tradition?
Hermione: The House Cup Tournament began with the first generation of Hogwartsstudents.
"Of course she knows," Ron rolled his eyes.
Hermione looked a little embarrassed.
Quirrell: That was a rhetorical question.
Harry couldn't help but smile. Ron covered his laughing with a cough.
Dumbledore: Granger, quit interrupting. Twenty points from Gryffindor.
"Twenty points!?" Ron exclaimed.
"For answering a question?" Sirius said.
"Dumbledore would never really have done that," Lily frowned.
Harry and Ron: Thanks Hermione.
Quirrell: As I was saying, when the Tournament first originated it was one of a completely different sort. One champion from each of the four Houses would compete in a series of dangerous tasks, challenges. The winner would not only win the Cup, but would also win eternal glory.
"So the Triwizard Tournament with Hogwarts students," Ginny reasoned.
Hermione: Kind of like a House Cup – no, a Triwizard Tournament!
Ginny shrugged as a few people laughed.
"This isn't a real tournament, is it?" Harry asked Hermione.
"No," Hermione answered. "I've never heard of it, anyway."
Quirrell: Yes, sort of like the Triwizard Tournament. Except, no, not like that at all. There are four Houses. How could it be the Triwizard Tournament with four teams?
Everybody looked at Harry.
"You tell me," he said bitterly to the screen.
Hermione: Well, Professor, if I remember correctly the House Cup Tournament wasdispended after one semester when one of its students was killed during the first task.
"Foreshadowing or just a fact?" Remus asked the room in general.
Quirrell: Yes, it is very dangerous, but the rewards far outweigh the risks.
"No they don't," Hermione said. "You only win glory and a cup! That's not worth dying for."
Hermione: I don't think you heard me, I just said somebody died!
Dumbledore: Hermione Granger, shut your ungodly, lop-sided mouth and quit interrupting, twenty more points!
"I don't like this Dumbledore much," said Lily.
Harry and Ron: Thanks Hermione!
"Why is that a thing we do?" asked Harry.
Dumbledore: God, for the cleverest witch of your age you really can be a dumbass sometimes. (Laughter)
Hermione looked a bit said at this.
"Hey, he did call you the cleverest witch of your age, did he?" Ron said, trying to cheer her up.
"Right before insulting her," Ginny said matter-of-factly. "Again." Ron glared at her.
Ten point to Dumbledore.
"Well, that's something I can imagine the real Dumbledore doing," Sirius said. "Giving himself points, I mean."
Quirrell: Yes yes, well, it will be very dangerous but the winner will be remembered as a hero for ages to come. And as the professor of Defence Against the Dark Arts I believe that this practical application is exactly what the curriculum needs to – (sneeze)
"Did–did Voldemort just sneeze?" Remus asked slightly baffled.
There was a pause. Sirius and James made the mistake of looking at each other and both fell into hysterical fits of laughter. The others were following soon after.
Dumbledore: Did your turban just sneeze?
Quirrell: What? No!
Dumbledore: I could have sworn I heard a sneeze coming from your direction, but your mouth wasn't moving.
Quirrell: No, that – that was simply a fart. Excuse me. (Sneeze)
Harry: Ow, ow, ow! Ow! Oh, Jesus! Oh my god, ow…
"It's so obvious!" Lily said, still laughing with the others.
Quirrell: I must be going. (Sneeze) I simply farted once more. Excuse me.
Sirius could barely breath from laughing so much. Ginny was taking deep breaths to try and calm herself, failing, she started laughing with the others again. Snape was chuckling softly from his armchair.
Dumbledore: In accordance with the newly resurrected House Cup, a champion form every house will be selected to compete!
"Wonder who will me chosen from Gryffindor," Ron said looking at Harry.
"A real mystery," Harry laughed. "It will probably be Neville."
"Oh yes," Ron said solemnly. "Absolutely." The he started laughing again.
So, Snape, will you do us the honours please?
Snape: Yes, Headmaster.
"That voice," James whispered, more to himself than anyone else. He had calmed down a bit and was drying a tear from his eye.
First, from the Ravenclaw House… Miss Cho Chang.
Cho: Oh my god, I won! I can't believe it y'all.
Snape: Next from Hufflepuff…
"Cedric Diggory," Harry murmured, the laughter gone now.
Mr Cedric Diggory.
Cedric: Well, I don't find this surprising at all.
"Me neither," Harry said. He knew where this would end.
Cho: I find it perfect! Now I can spend more time with my beloved boyfriend.
Cedric: I'm glad as well, my darling.
Snape: And next, from the Slytherin House… Draco Malfoy.
Draco: Ha, oh! I finally beat you, didn't I Potter? What do you think of that, huh? I'm the champion this time!
"What are you doing?" Malfoy said loudly to his musical self.
Dumbledore: Draco, would you sit down, you little shit! Champion's just a title.
Snape: And finally, form the Gryffindor House… Oh my. Well isn't this curious? The one person in all of Hogwarts whom I have a well-known grudge against is suddenly in a tournament where he may very well lose his life.
"Hm, wonder who that could be," Harry said sarcastically.
Neville: If-if it's me I'll-I'll apologize to my fellow Gryffindors right now for-for losing.
"Oh Neville," said Hermione.
Snape: Sit down you inarticulate bumble. It's Harry Potter.
"I'm so surprised!" Harry said, again very sarcastically.
Ron: Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo! Woo!
"Ron, you need to calm down," Hermione giggled.
Dumbledore: Here they are folks, the four Hogwarts champions. I want all of you to start preparing immediately, because the first task is in two months and it could be anything… So lets get to it!
"I'm guessing dragons," Harry said.
"I think that's a safe bet," Hermione agreed looking slightly worried.
Students: Cho Chang! Cho Chang! Cho Chang!
Draco: Malfoy! Malfoy! Mal- hey…
Ginny got up from the sofa the second the video stopped. "Before we watch the next one, I have to pee," she said quickly, walking towards the door with the 'Bathroom' sign.
"Hurry up," Hermione called after her. "I have to go as well."
"Anyone else hungry?" James asked.
"Starving," Ron and Malfoy in unison. They looked at each other then quickly looked away pretending nothing had happened.
"I think I'll check out the kitchen," Lily said, getting up.
"I'll come with you," Harry said quickly, getting up too. Lily grinned at him.
"I'd love that," she said lovingly.
A/N: Review and all that, please and thank you.