Remus' Secret

For the next few weeks, James, Sirius, and Peter kept a close watch on Remus' activity, making sure not to let him go anywhere on his own. Although pleased at first with Peter's continual pleas to join him in the library to study, Remus seemed to grow wary of his requests after two weeks of his constant asking, and he began to relent only grudgingly. He withdrew even more around James and Sirius, and declining every offer that they made of studying, playing cards, or even sitting in the common room together. Eventually, Sirius reached a breaking point, and he began to openly prod Remus about his frequent disappearances, causing Remus to make a habit of leaving the room whenever someone entered. As time wore on, he became more and more reticent around his roommates, and James and Sirius eventually had to use the Invisibility Cloak and their two-way mirrors to follow him more stealthily throughout the castle. However, as James had half-expected when they began, they could find nothing unusual about his behavior while he remained at Hogwarts.

"It's useless!" Sirius told James through his mirror one day, pulling off the Invisibility Cloak and resting against a wooden bookshelf behind him. "All he's done is sit in the library for the past three hours. I'm starting to think that we'll never find out anything this way."

"You might be right," James relented from one of the castle's courtyards, squinting his eyes against the sun as it blinded his glasses. Pausing to remove them, he glared at several students as they gave him passing glances, obviously wondering who he was talking to. When they walked by, he looked back down at the mirror in his hand. "The best thing that we can do is to follow him when he leaves Hogwarts again."

"Great—I'm sick of squatting next to bookcases," Sirius agreed, getting up. "You go and tell Peter the change of plan."

"Right," James answered. "In that case, give me back my Cloak. We'll just wait until Remus packs up again."

After that, James could sleep again without worrying that he would wake up in the morning and find Remus missing. Still, Peter continued to rely on Remus for help on his homework, and James turned to his own assignments with a heavy heart when he realized that their exams were only a few weeks away. As they did the year before, the professors tasked their classes with essays almost daily, and James had to spend a few hours each day completing his homework, even though most subjects posed no real problem. In fact, Potions and History of Magic seemed the only classes that challenged his memory and patience.

"If I have to write one more essay about the properties of the Shrinking Solution, I'm going to hex Professor Slughorn and blame it on Peter," James complained to Sirius, throwing himself back onto his four-poster one Sunday afternoon in the middle of May.

"Blame it on me," Sirius replied. "I'm the one who will do it first."

At that moment, Peter entered their dormitory with an arm-load of books. Sitting comfortably on his four-poster, Sirius watched him waddle unsteadily inside. "Back from the library?" he asked.

"Yeah," Peter answered before tripping over his own foot and careening sideways onto his four-poster, which softened the fall. "Ow!"

"Where's Remus?" James asked as Peter picked himself up and brushed his robes down. "Didn't he go with you?"

"He said that he wasn't feeling good," he replied. "He went to the hospital wing a few minutes ago."

"He did what?" James and Sirius demanded, jumping upright. Blinking, Peter only stared at them.

"You didn't follow him?" Sirius exclaimed. "You can't let him out of your sight!"

Biting his fingers, Peter protested, "But I thought it didn't matter if he was just—"

"We've talked about this!" Sirius interrupted. "The hospital wing is off-limits!"

"Come on!" James commanded, grabbing the Invisibility Cloak from his bedpost and running for the door.

Both he and Sirius raced down to the ground floor, followed closely by Peter, and they bolted past the students heading towards the Great Hall for dinner. Nearing the hospital wing, they slowed down and peeked through the doorway, spying the two rows of white beds lining the length of the room. Only a few students lay in the cots, apparently trying to sleep away some infirmity or another in the peace and quiet. Quickly crossing the room, James and the others scanned the beds for Remus, but he was nowhere to be seen.

"Is Madam Pomfrey here?" James asked a young Ravenclaw boy sitting up on his cot, watching the newcomers silently.

"She left about ten minutes ago," the boys answered. When James, Sirius, and Peter gaped at each other, he cocked his head. "Do you need her?"

None of them bothered to answer as they rushed out of the hospital wing, scouring the corridor right and left. Turning back towards the main staircase, they ran down the hallway until reaching the Entrance Hall, craning to see Remus' head in the crowd of milling students on their way to and from supper. Feeling a twisting sensation in his stomach, James did not spy Remus' tousled brown hair amidst the dozens of passersby.

Rounding on Peter, Sirius demanded, "Did he say anything else?"

"N—no!" Peter stammered in a high-pitched voice. "He just said that he was going down to the hospital wing!"

"How long ago did he leave?" James prodded.

"Maybe ten minutes ago . . . no, fifteen . . ."

Letting out a groan, Sirius turned and banged his fist against the wall, causing an old wizard in the picture frame above to jump. "We don't have time for this!"

"It couldn't have been more than fifteen minutes ago," Peter decided firmly, turning to James.

"He must have gotten to the hospital wing before us," James said, kicking the ground.

"If he really was going there," Sirius interjected, stuffing his hands into his pockets.

"We can't give up now!" James burst out, throwing his hands into the air. "We have to find him before he disappears completely! We'll just ask around and see if anyone else saw him on the way from—"

"Are you looking for someone?" a girlish voice asked from behind him, and he whirled to face Bertha Jorkins where she stood with six or more of her confidants.

Putting aside his initial revulsion at her smug face, James answered, "Yes! Have you seen Remus?"

"You mean Lupin?" she asked, rubbing her wide chin. "I was actually hoping that you could tell me where he went to."

"What do you mean?" James questioned, frowning.

"Oh, anyone with half a brain knows that he disappears every so often," Jorkins replied, shrugging, and the other girls behind her nodded. "Grempkin thinks that it's just an illness, but I know better. I think that he's hiding something," she stated, narrowing her eyes at James.

"Well, you're both wrong," James told her, suddenly feeling defensive of his friend. As Jorkins took a step back at his sharp tone, he pressed on, "So have you seen him or not?"

"No," she sniffed. "Why do you want to know so badly?"

"We're just looking for him, that's all," James replied shortly. He contemplated walking away, but then he thought better of it. "What else are they saying about Remus?"

Exchanging a look with the other girls, Jorkins waited as a few of them started whispering to each other. "Lots of things," a girl with long ringlets finally spoke up.

"Some people think that he has remedial classes after hours," another told them.

"Or that he's serving detention somewhere secret," someone piped up.

"Some even say that his parents have a hoard of Galleons stashed away in Gringotts, and they take him on regular vacations to the Atlantis Archipelago," Jorkins added with a smirk.

Disappointed, James fought the temptation to shake his head. He knew that Remus had no trouble in school, whether academically or behaviorally, and he knew enough to realize that his roommate's parents could not afford such expensive trips.

"Still," Jorkins commented to the others behind her, "you would think that Grempkin had something going after all, seeing how often Lupin meets up with Madam Pomfrey."

"What did you say?" James and Sirius demanded together, and Jorkins gave them a frown.

"He's always sneaking off with Madam Pomfrey through the castle," she told them as if stating the obvious. "I thought that you knew. I always assumed that they were—"

"Where do they go?" Sirius interrupted.

"Normally around the west side of the castle, but—"

"Well, why didn't you just say that's where he was?" James exclaimed, and he, Sirius, and Peter started running for the door on the other end of the Entrance Hall.

"Wait! What are you doing?" Jorkins yelled after them, the girls behind her buzzing with questions, but the boys had disappeared through a doorway before she could stop them.

Running quickly, James scanned the corridors for Remus and Madam Pomfrey, leaving behind the crowded interior of the Entrance Hall. Winding through an unfamiliar passage, the boys peered down each new doorway that they passed, but there were too few exits to validate a change of course. Hoping that Remus had stayed in the main hallway, James loped over the carpeted floor in front of his roommates.

After a few minutes, they slowed down just enough for Peter to lean down and catch his breath. Gradually falling behind James' powerful pace, Sirius commented, "It sure would help if we had a map."

"Wait, I think that the hallway comes to a dead end!" James told the others, spotting a solid wall just a short distance ahead. Running up to its surface, he frowned and searched for a doorway on either side of the corridor, but he found none.

"Have you tried pushing on it?" Peter piped up from behind, approaching the wall. When the others turned to stare at him, he shrugged and said, "There's a door on the fifth floor that disguises itself as a wall sometimes. Maybe this one does that, too."

Reaching out, James prodded the wall gently at first, but he immediately felt the stone slabs shudder at his touch. Using both hands, he shoved against the wall and watched as the heavy blocks curled away much like the entrance to Diagon Alley, and he stepped through the opening onto the Hogwarts grounds. In the distance, silhouetted against the Forbidden Forest, James spotted Remus and Madam Pomfrey walking unhurriedly while the Whomping Willow swayed gently in the background.

"Look!" he cried, pointing at them, but Sirius grabbed his arm to silence him.

"We see them," he replied, staring unblinkingly at their quarry.

Pulling out his Invisibility Cloak, James shook it open. "Quick! Hide in here!"

Obeying, Sirius and Peter disappeared underneath the fabric with James, and the three soon shuffled forward to catch up to the two figures ahead. However, no sooner had they started to close the distance between them and their quarry did Madam Pomfrey and Remus turn suddenly, heading for the threatening figure of the Whomping Willow.

"Where are they going?" Peter whispered, and he let out a grunt as James and Sirius simultaneously nudged his ribs.

Watching Madam Pomfrey and Remus, they slowed slightly as the two came to a halt a safe distance away from the Whomping Willow. Pulling out her wand, Madam Pomfrey muttered an inaudible incantation and sent a spell shooting at a small knot near the base of the trunk. Rearing, the Willow thrashed in response to the attack until the flash of light made contact; when it hit, the Willow instantly stilled, looking just like any other normal tree in the forest. James felt his mouth fall open, and he stared as Madam Pomfrey patted Remus on the back and sent him walking towards the Willow. Holding his breath, James waited for the tree to snap back to life and pummel him, but the Willow's branches hung limply as Remus lowered onto his hands and knees and disappeared amid the gnarly roots.

Moments passed, and still Remus did not reappear. Frozen in place, James watched as Madam Pomfrey shook her head and began to walk back towards the castle. Walking slowly, she passed by James and his roommates where they stood under the Invisibility Cloak. When she reached the castle wall, she placed her hand on the rough stone and waited as the bricks moved aside before disappearing on the other side. When the wall had reformed behind her, James threw off the Cloak and turned to the others.

"I've never seen anyone get that close to the Whomping Willow!" Sirius spoke first, a hint of a smile on his face. "All this time Remus has been telling us not to go near the Willow, and he could walk right up to it all along!"

"But where did he go?" Peter asked, voicing the more pressing issue.

"Come on!" James told the others, setting off towards the Whomping Willow.

Jogging as close as he dared, he slowed down a short distance from the motionless branches, but he was still closer to the trunk than he had ever been before. From his new position, he was able to spy an opening near the base of the tree big enough for a full-grown person to slip through. Narrowing his eyes, he began to creep forward, but a deep voice from behind halted him in his path.

"What are yeh doin'?" Spinning around, James hid his Invisibility Cloak behind his back as Hagrid stomped up to the trio and glanced at the tree behind them. "Yeh aren't plannin' on goin' near the Willow, are yeh? Yeh know that's strictly forbidden."

"No!" James, Sirius, and Peter all exclaimed at once, jumping away from the tree. Frowning, Hagrid cocked his head.

"Well, that's good," he told them. "We can't have anythin' happenin' to yeh like what happened ter Davey Gudgeon, now." Stroking his beard, Hagrid stared at the Whomping Willow as it began to stir again, and James felt his heart plummet. "What are yeh doin' out here, then?" Hagrid questioned the boys.

"Oh," James said, glancing at the others. "Nothing, really."

"Hmm," Hagrid grunted, continuing to rub his chin. "Well, best be gettin' inside before dark, then. Fang and I are patrollin' tonight, an' I thought tha' I might get another look around the forest. It's a full moon tonight, yeh know—best time ter do it. Well, I'll see yeh later."

Lumbering off, Hagrid walked back to his hut while the others climbed back up the hill towards the castle. As soon as they had walked out of earshot, they turned to each other with slumping shoulders.

"I guess that we'll have to figure out how to get into the Willow next time," Sirius sighed. "There's no way that we'll be able to sneak in with Hagrid marching around the grounds."

Nodding wordlessly, Peter began to follow after Sirius, but James stopped dead in his tracks as his heart froze mid-beat. His legs immobile underneath him, he stared at a fixed point in the grass as the others turned to look at him.

"What is it?" Sirius asked.

"Did Hagrid just say that it was the full moon?" James asked, feeling each breath of chilly evening air as it expanded his lungs.

"Yes," Peter answered, tilting his head. Another rush of shock ran through James' body, and he shivered as his mind began to race. Only as his feet began to grow uncomfortably warm in his shoes did he realize that they had gone cold.

"It's just something that I remembered," he whispered, almost to himself. "That night in the Forbidden Forest, Remus told me that it wasn't the full moon. But I couldn't see any light through the trees, and it was still daytime when we entered the forest. How could he have known?"

Exchanging a glance, Sirius and Peter remained silent as they looked back at him. Glancing up, James met their eyes. "It was the full moon a month ago, too. I remember seeing it in the Great Hall's enchanted ceiling."

Nodding slowly, Sirius said, "That's how the full moon works, James."

"Don't you see?" James exclaimed, his heart beating against his chest. "Remus was gone that day! He was also gone the month before that, and the month before that! He's gone every month . . . on the full moon."

The effect of his words took a moment to sink in, but Sirius drew back after a few seconds, his eyes widening. "You don't mean—"

"But it all makes sense!" James interrupted. "That's why he missed the Hogwarts Express earlier this year: it was the full moon! All those excuses he gave us, all those times he ended up in the hospital wing, he wasn't really sick at all!"

"What are you talking about?" Peter demanded, looking back and forth between James and Sirius.

"Peter," James gulped, resisting the urge to grab his shoulders, "Remus is a werewolf."

Gasping, Peter clapped a hand to his mouth as Sirius clutched a fistful of his hair and stared at the ground. "I didn't want to believe it at first, but it all makes sense!" Sirius stated. "I knew that there was something off about him from the day we met." Stopping, he shuddered. "I just never realized that it was this bad."

"Oh Merlin, oh Merlin, oh Merlin," Peter whispered to himself, rocking on his heels. "We've been living with a werewolf!"

Taking a shaky breath, Sirius looked at Peter and added, "That's probably why he has all those scars, too. Who knows what he does during his transformations! Do you remember what Professor Alamanzar said?"

Thinking back on their lesson about werewolves, James remembered snippets of Alamanzar's lecture: Highly dangerous creatures incapable of reason . . . A beast lives within, released every full moon . . . Thinking even further back, James recalled the time that they had fought against the boggart during Defense Against the Dark Arts; once again, he came face to face with his contemptuous copy in his mind's eye, remembering how his own reflection had stared at Remus with such loathing. Surprised, James felt a twinge of shame at the memory. Remus had not been able to face the boggart . . .

"What should we do?" Peter squeaked towards Sirius. "We have to tell someone!"

"I don't know," Sirius responded, sounding unsure of himself for the first time in James' memory. "I don't expect that anyone will believe us unless we give them proof."

"We should tell them everything!" Peter insisted. "They'll have to believe us!"

"What do you say, James?" Sirius asked, both he and Peter quieting.

Avoiding their expectant expressions for a moment, James thought back on his memories of Remus throughout the year. He remembered how Remus had refused to visit him over the summer, the way that his eyes had lit up when he first spotted his roommates in the Great Hall, how he had blamed Peeves for the gash on his neck in the hospital wing, how he had cheered alongside Sirius and Peter when Gryffindor won the Quidditch Cup, his wild expression when he slammed the washroom door in James' face. Above all, James remembered Remus' boggart, shifting from James to Sirius and to Peter in turn. How Remus must have feared this day, knowing how his roommates would react.

As the memory of Remus' boggart flooded him, James also remembered his own. In a flash, he finally understood. In a way, he too feared being alone, but not as Professor Alamanzar had said. Glancing up at Sirius and Peter where they stood staring at him, James knew how much they needed him to take charge, and the realization sent a rush of purpose jolting through his bones. Straightening, he steeled his fists as he stared back at them. He did not know how he could fear his friends not needing him when they relied on him so much, but James knew that there was only one person who needed him right now.

"We can't let anyone know," James stated firmly, his voice far calmer than he would have thought possible.

"Why not?" Peter demanded at once, but all James could hear was the whispers of the students as Remus stood motionless before his boggart.

"Remus isn't dangerous!" James declared, feeling the weight of the others' eyes on him. "This is Remus we're talking about! Remus, the one who would never disobey a rule to save his life!" Turning to Peter, he asked, "Do you remember all those times when he helped you with your homework? All those times that he gave us chocolate and a smile when we were down?" he added, looking at Sirius. "If any one of us needed a friend, he'd be the first to show up! We need to do the same for him." Eventually, James began to see a softening in the others as they lowered their gazes. Lowering his voice, he urged, "He's still only Remus; he's still our mate. This doesn't change anything!"

For a long moment, there was silence. James did not take his eyes away from the others as Sirius stared at the grass and Peter bit his lip; finally, Sirius looked up and nodded. "You're right," he agreed. "He's still Remus."

Wide-eyed, Peter glanced back and forth between his roommates, the both of them now staring at him. "But—but what about—" he stammered.

"Listen, Peter, just give him a chance!" James burst, and Peter withdrew at his sharp tone. "I'm not about to sell him out! He's always been a werewolf, and we've always been his mate! Just because we know the truth now doesn't mean that he's changed!"

Silenced, Peter glanced between James and Sirius. Seeing no sympathy in their gazes, he finally lowered his eyes and gulped. "Okay," he agreed. "I—I won't tell anyone."

"Good," James said, turning back to stare at the swishing Whomping Willow. "We'll talk to him in the morning, and we won't let him slip away this time."

Following his gaze, the others watched as one of the Willow's tremendous branches hit the earth, tearing through the grass. As it lifted, it left several deep parallel lines in the dirt, almost like the slash of a gigantic pair of claws. After several quiet moments, James and the others slowly turned towards the castle and continued to climb the hill.